Received Friday, August 20, 2010
Hi all. I thought I had made up my mind about what to do in this situation, but after reading some comments on other posts, I'm a little unsure now. Long story short, I'm thinking that my nanny might have an unhealthy attachment to my child. She just turned 2 years old, and has had a nanny for about 6 months (I was a SAHM before). About 2 months after the nanny started, our daughter had to have minor surgery and I took off 2 weeks from work to be at home with her (I gave the nanny 2 weeks paid leave). She called at least every other day (sometimes every day or twice a day) to check in on her, which I had mixed reactions about. On one hand I thought it was very sweet she cared about my daughter so much, on the other hand I was a little creeped out since it was very minor surgery and I had called her the day of the surgery to let her know everything went well and she was being discharged home. I let this all slide though and chalked it up to partly being partly jealous and sad that I'd returned to work as well as just inexperience with having a nanny. As time went by and I went back to work, I kept noticing little things my nanny would do that put me on alert. There were quite a few times where she wouldn't feed my daughter the dinner I'd made for her and informed me of all the things that were wrong with it etc etc etc. At times it felt like I was the nanny being instructed by the mother, or being told that my mothering was incorrect. My husband tried to tell me that I was just being too sensitive and since I'd had no other problems with the nanny I should just let it go. She also would call on the weekends if my daughter had a cold or other small sickness on Friday and a few times even showed up at the park where she knew we liked to go on Saturdays. A couple of weeks ago my daughter had a birthday party. It was on our nanny's day off, and I didn't think of inviting her because 1. I thought she would want her own time off, 2. I didn't want her to feel like she had to work on a day off and 3. I was feeling a little bit uneasy given all the other stuff that has happened. When the nanny found out she wasn't invited, she was visibly upset and was pretty hostile to me for a couple of days (barely talked to me when I was home etc etc). I've since decided that I should let her go because I don't think her behaviour is healthy. I'm wondering what you all think. Am I being too sensitive about this? I know I'm a new mom and leaving my baby was extremely hard and I know I'm a little jealous that the nanny gets to spend all that time with her, but I don't think I'm completely overreacting. I'd love some insight, as I'd hate to fire an otherwise great nanny for something that I might be acting silly about. Thank you so much!