Red Flags Everywhere

Received Thursday, June 17, 2010
perspective and opinion Hi, hoping I can get this bit posted so that I can get some Advice:

One month ago I started working for a new family. I quit my last job because I was working 50 hours a week for $1,500 a month, which is a bit ridiculous. But I loved the baby and the mom. Then the mom's jobless boyfriend moved in and the 50 hours seemed VERY long.

Anyway, so I've started a new family. Shorter hours, older girls, more money. But a month into and there's already clearly red flags. The youngest girl, age 2.5, SCREAMS all during her bath and after. I've never seen a child like this before and it's worse than just the normal "terrible 2's. Also the mom is home while I'm working and this wasn't mentioned at all when I took the job. The mother also constantly invites her sister's child over for me to watch as well. She's a very rude, demanding little girl who I am constantly telling "No" to. She also encourages the older girl (age 5) to misbehave as well. The mum also invites over various friends of her's children as well and I am watching them. And a couple days ago I received a text message at 8AM asking to make a homemade cake for the afternoon because friends were coming over. I've also been asked to make dinner for 8 children. Is this not a red flag?

My husband was just offered an amazing job opportunity 1.5 hours from where we live now. He's taking it obviously and we're moving in mid-august. I'm just unsure if I should tell the family my last day will be in august or if I should try to finish out my contract (1 year). I don't know if it's worth it with the drive and cost of gas (we don't live in the US).



xfileluv said...

I'm not clear why you would consider staying past August. Are you planning on driving 3 hours total for this job each day, or would you stay while your husband moved to the area of his new job? Can you begin looking for a job in the new area? That would be my suggestion.

Bostonnanny said...

A screaming 2yr old during a bath isn't uncommon, but if you think it might me a serious issue from previous abuse then say something NOW.
As for the mom inviting other children over for you to care for... That's ridiclious. You should straight up tell her that you will require and extra $ 2-5 per hour per extra child. You are not responsible for other peoples children, your are not a daycare. So make sure she pays you or refuse to care for them and take your charges for a walk while they are there.
Cooking for other children is not part of the deal. Say that it isn't part of your job and if she wants it done to pay you $25-50 extra per meal or she can do it herself.
This is your career and you need to stand up for yourself. If the parents don't like it and don't wanna pay the say goodbye and move on. Your husband has a new job and your prob gonna end up quitting anyways so make the demands now. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I would also start looking for a new job now in your new location because an 11/2 drive both ways is crazy and will get old quick.
If you don't say things right away when they happen then it leads to being taken advantage of. Be firm with every family.

CuriousDad said...

Bake the cake do what is needed, I would not normally recomment this but. You need to start talking to the mom about husbands new job and moving. Prep them to figure out that they may be losing a Nanny. This way they expect it when it happens and you MAY get a decent referal for later.

Moving to a new area can be stressfull, enough. With one of your household needing to make a good impression at his job. If you can afford it, I would leave the job for "Husband has new Job and we are moving too far away, for me to continue" reasons. This way you do not burn any bridges.

After you settle in and your spouse is settled in to the new job. Then start looking for a Nanny position in your new area. Hopefully the former family will give you a sterling reference.

ericsmom said...

Nahhh, just quit. Its really rude when people "throw" their other family/friends children on you!!

They should ask you first if its okay. And even pay you extra if its a constant. Why should you watch her sisters brat for free???

Village said...

How tight is the contract? Do you have an out if your husband transfers? I certainly wouldn't consider commuting 3 hours a day for a job I didn't like.

Does the contract call for caring for additional children and baking cakes? It sounds like the family has already breached the contract. I think I would view the situation as THEY didn't abide by the contract. They are not honoring it, and you have no choice but to leave to mitigate your damages.

It all goes back to the contract you have signed, and the country you live in. Can they sue you? Would they? Should you consult an attorney? Again, I think they have breached with the extra children. But at the same time, you don't want to get dragged into the legal system.

Nanny Sarah said...

Xfileluv...I have the same questions.
However, I believe this job has a lot of red flags and you should leave. Making a cake on short notice? Watching other people's kids? sound like a nice person and you definitely deserve much better than this!~

bippityboppityboo said...

Can you break a contract? I would if its possible theyll live and find another nanny.

Optimism said...

So your complaint is that the job isn't as advertised?

I would go to them apologetically and tell them of your husband's wonderful opportunity, that it was not known before you took the job with them, and that he has to take it, and you have to go in August.

Both you and the family obviously have very different expectations and while I'm not certain that either of you are at fault, you're obviously going to have to review the original contract. This will mean a reevaluation of expectations for both you and the family, and such negotiations have a tendency to not end well.

Why bother with the hassle only to end up an hour and a half away from your husband? Forget it, and leave in August.

In the meantime, tough it out.

Night Nanny said...

Seems to me you are already finding out that this job is NOT a perfect fit/match, so IMHO the job change is a perfect & legitimate "out." Take it as a sign from above, give your notice and move on.

Night Nanny said...

Its pretty clear you already know this job isn't a good fit/match. Your husbands job opportunity sounds like a legitimate "out." Take it as a sign from above and move on.

DenverNanny said...

Unless your employer listed the extra children (ie responsibility) in your contract, it sounds like SHE has voided your contract & I think you're free & clear. Start looking for a new job & good luck with the move! :)

move with your husband said...

I would just quit and tell them it's not a good match and the job isn't what you expected it to be when you accepted it. I'd be very honest with them and maybe they will get a clue that what they are doing is inappropriate.

priya said...

It sounds pretty stressful to me. Inviting friends over and making you watch their children is completly unfair!! You should be paid for an additonal children that are in your care, even if they are in the other room having tea. Texting to ask if you can make a coffee cake for her is also ridiculous. Do you have a contract? Whithin the contract should be a clear description of what your duties are, making dinner and baking are duties for a housekeeper, not a nanny (unless you agreeed to do so before being hired).
It seems to me as though she is taking advantage of you, you need to stand up for yourself and politely state "I would appriciate if we could sit down (without the little girl) and discuss somethings that aren't working for me" and tell her exactly how you feel.
As far as staying, do you really think that driving 3 hours a day is worth it? I would give my notice and tell her the truth, you are moving and you are unable to finsish your contract.

CS Nanny said...

I was wondering the same thing? If it were me, I would leave the job in August, and start looking for a job where you are planning on moving to. Good luck!

Night Nanny said...

Well, it seems obvious that you already know that this is NOT a good fit for you. I would say that your husbands new job opportunity is the perfect, legit excuse to get you out of your contract. Take it as a sign from above, give your notice and move on.

Night Nanny said...

OOOPS...just realized that you have it on moderation. I thought my post werent showing and submitted three times. LOL Just pick one and delete the rest. Sorry, as there were other times it seemed to show immediately, so I thought there was something wrong w/the site. Duh me : (

Lindsey said...

Don't even mention your husbands new job. Go to them in mid-July and tell them that they have added stuff that wasn't in the contract, and you aren't comfortable with the job anymore. Make it seem like it's their fault (which is partly true anyways). This is just another example of a parent, who does not show a nanny the same respect that they would require at their own job. :/

quit said...

stick to your contract? they have already broken it by expecting you to care for other children.

quit. it's not worth it.

cali mom said...

Two weks before you are moving, give them 2 weeks notice. That's all that is required from you. They could try to sue you for "breach of contract" but I doubt they'd bother, and if they did I doubt they'd win, and that would give YOU the opportunity to air all the ways they broke it first so I doubt they'd dare.