To the Parents of the 3 children I nanny.... I know you read this site everyday so I am writing this knowing you will see it:Tomorrow, a major storm is expected to hit our area. You live in a Bergen County town that does not clear the streets. You have already told me you plan to work from home tomorrow and Friday because you are too nervous to drive. Even so, you will insist I show up on time at 9am tomorrow and remain all day until 6 or 7 pm. Then you will expect me to be there once again on Friday while you hang around doing nothing and I risk life, limb and vehicle. Please do not call me in the heart of the storm asking if I can come "just for a few hours" because I have an SUV.
Here's a thought, spend some time with the kids you spent years and thousands of dollars trying to conceive. They're great kids. We have a ball building snowmen, sleigh riding and sipping hot cocoa by the fire. Bake some cookies with them. They love doing that on a cold, snowy day. Do not call me and try to guilt me into showing up when it's coming down at an inch an hour and your street is unplowed. Just bite the bullet and spend some time with your kids... you might even enjoy it! And please, when I do show up for work, make sure your steps are clear not loaded with ice. I have fallen twice on your uncleared, untreated property. Third time is the charm. I fall again, I sue. Thinking of firing me, go right ahead. I don't know how I will manage getting home 2 hours late every night and being called in to work on days with no notice. Oh and next time you 'forget" my paycheck at work, I am going to forget I work for you. And your kids can wonder who will pick them up at school that Monday. By the way, I am looking for another job and you will get 3 weeks notice. CHEERS!
45 comments:
passive aggressive.
This post really bugs me. In any industry you're expected to come to work if you can and if you cannot because you fear it's unsafe, you call them and tell them that you will not be at work today. If it's not safe to drive, call and tell your bosses that you will not be in today, give your apologies and call it a day.
It's not a terrible thing to pay someone to come and help you care for your kids whether you're home from work or not. Lots of SAHMs have nannies. I wouldn't work for one, but that's my choice.
OP, if you don't respect your employers, look for a new job. This kind of passive aggressive whining & public criticism of the people who employ you is in really poor form, in my opinion.
It would be much more mature of you to actually talk to the parents and voice your concerns/complaints as a grown-up. Coming on here to voice your grievances to them is extremely immature and shows poor judgement on your part.
Honestly, I'd ask MPP to remove this post ASAP. You're going to get fired...probably today! And they're not going to give you a nice reference. Plus, remember that people talk. So even if you don't need these parents as a reference--news of your poor judgement and immaturity can spread, quickly...making your future job prospects much tougher.
LOLOLOLOL!!! Awesome!!!! Great Post! Ahh loooooooooves it! :)
Good for you, OP! I can picture the looks on their faces when they read this!!!!!
And don't listen to the other posters: sometimes you have to be foolish and objectionable.
Bravo!!!!!! :)
and emily: she already said she is looking for a new job. read more carefully.
I kinda agree that it's a good post yet it's a bad one.
I feel bad for the nanny a little because of the parents' mistreatment towards her but I agree with the other comments that she should discuss this with the bosses.
I work retail and only part time so the hours I get are precious but when it snows I get stuck at home. I have an SUV with 4 wheel drive but I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant and my work knows when it snows bad enough I'm not coming in.
If the bosses can't understand that you won't come in during such weather then why not just get a reference and quit before they fire you for this post? They don't seem quick to change and you're already looking for something else anyway.
Three weeks notice? I would be super uncomfortable around my employers if I wrote this and they read it. Maybe that's what you were aiming for...I've been in positions before where I would rather get fired and cut loose, so to speak, then have to go through the exhausting process of giving notice, and keeping pretenses up when it's clear that both employer and employee are ready to be through.
The nanny should really consider the current job market. It used to be a nanny's game, nanny's could set the price and the rules, now it's an employer's market.
I despise parents like this, too but I'm smart enough to bite my tongue and keep my job.
On that note, perhaps I will write my own rant on what I suck up and swallow just because I know the market is tight.
OP: Grow up. You sound like a brat.
How long have you been working for this family? If you worked for them when there has been significant snowfall in terms of a blizzard which you are describing here, and they insist you come in while they are there to "work for a few hours", that is your fault, because you made that decision to drive, knowing the roads were bad. The only reason why they are expecting you to work in a blizzard is because you have done so in the past. Get some backbone, tell them you don't feel safe driving and that's the end of it. The daycare I work at now will send teachers home when snowstorms are coming. If they can do that, then you can grow some backbone and tell the parents that you will not be coming in to work that day because travel is not recommended. As for them forgetting your paycheck, get over it. Small mistakes like that happen; ask them to write you a check from their personal account or ask them to pay you in cash should this happen again, with you returning the left behind at the office check to them after they paid in cash.
Good luck in your new job search. Could it be that you are a spineless brat with no backbone who can't state your concerns in a polite, professional manner that you have to come on here and write this awful post knowing the family will see it?
Love this post! You're not spineless. This takes a lot of backbone! Now the question is: will mom respond? :)
Well said, OP! One thing that really stood out to me was the icy/snowy steps and walkways. I sued my employers last winter from falling numerous times on their unplowed driveway and icy steps. Not only did I win the lawsuit, I kept my job because my employers knew they were wrong!
I also like this post. Since according to OP, the employers will read it and she is aware that a confrontation is coming, she can't be that spineless. I just wish the boss would also respond to the post, so we could hear her side.
Obviously you have some very legitimate complaints about your employers -- particularly their "forgetting" to pay you -- and I think you are probably doing the right thing by looking for a new job. But publicly badmouthing the parents who employ you rather than addressing these issues privately and directly is passive aggressive, and it makes you look childish and irresponsible. If I were one of the parents interviewing you and I found out about this, I would never in a million years hire you.
I'm going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe OP has already tried to address these issues privately with her employer, but, having no success, moved to a more public forum. It's not like she used their names or occupations.
Furthermore, asking your nanny to come to work on a day when you yourself are scared to leave the house is not courteous on a personal or professional level.
"I know you'll read this"?? So what was the point of posting it? Are you really too afraid to speak to them directly? If your bosses do figure out you're talking about them, they will not be happy because that was a very bitchy post.
OP, I don't know why you didn't just call in this morning and say you weren't comfortable driving in this weather. I told my boss at 4:00 that the roads were getting bad and I would like to leave early. She wasn't happy, but what could she do? If she decided to get upset SHE would only look like an ass hole. However, if I posted a rant about her on ISYN, Then I would end up looking like the ass hole. If you want to be seen as a professional you need to act like one.
I love this post. However I feel that if you tell them you don't feel safe, that is the end of it. You make the decision if you drive in snow or not. The worst that they can do is get mad, um oh well your looking for a new job anyway. This takes some nuts. You may end up getting screwed before you find a new job if mom reads this site everyday! Atleast you got to vent :)
Without reading past your first paragraph, I'll put it in perspective for you.
Most jobs do not pay severance pay. Period. Many jobs pay salary, which usually means no higher rate for hours oevr 8 in a day. Many people who have lost their jobs have been job hunting for over a year, and, finding themselves STILL out of work and eventually out of unemployment benefits, smell the coffee, face reality and do what they need to do to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table even if it meaans taking a crappy job for a salary you made 10 or 15 years ago that you have to commute an hour to each direction.
In short, if you have a trust fund that can keep you living happily at the level to which you have become accustomed, then gripe to yoour heart's content to your employers if it will make you feel better and do someone else the favor of freeing up a job. Otherwise, suck it up and welcome to the real world. Thanks for ranting.
wow. poor kids that are left in your care.
Anyone who is telling OP she is being unfair or especially "unstable" is an idiot. Either that or the truth hurts.
This is a very well-written post. It is extremely believable and I'm glad that OP wrote it. I hope the parents see it. Perhaps she is sacrificing her reference in order to teach these parents a thing or two about what shits they are. And if so: hats off to OP. Way to go!!!
Mature? Please. Have you seen the crap that is posted on sites like Urbanbaby and the like from moms bashing their nannies? My God. Judge Judy said it best to the parents on her show this week: "why did you even have kids???"
All you people negging OP are being extremely tight assed and unfair. I love this post and I only wish I had written it myself! It is the best rant I have read here in a long time.
I feel for the OP! Even though my bosses are pretty good about the whole snow issue there are still times I come in even when I don't feel comfortable driving. My nanny mom works from home. She is capable of both working and watching the kids since school is closed today. Pop in a movie, snuggle up, take your laptop to the couch mom! It is difficult to come to work in bad weather when you know that your bosses are going to be home.
However, did the OP handle this wrong? Maybe. Maybe not. I know as a nanny I often need to vent. Doesn't everyone? Cut her some slack. Parents.... we nannies work hard for you! We often feel under appreciated.... which leads to venting online. It's a two way street.
Imagine if this were a parent writing this about their nanny. Even if the nanny was doing a terrible job, being irresponsible, lazy, late and asking for paycheck advances.
Would all the nannies on here really be applauding the parent: Great job for sticking it to your nanny! Way to teach her a lesson! Such a creative way to tell your nanny she is horrible!
No. Not a chance. The theme would be: I can't believe you have kept employing her if she's this terrible. Why didn't you confront her directly or even give her this note directly? This is so immature and blatantly unkind to post enough information that this nanny could be identified by friends. You are supposed to be a professional employing a professional, instead you are acting like a spoiled brat. Frankly, this is what bullies and mean girls do - try to publicly humilate and shame someone, ruining their future prospects.
I understand the satisfaction of seeing this post as an employee in any field who has put up with a lot of mistreatment to keep a paycheck. I really do. And the nanny has a lot of valid complaints. But to post enough information to make either party identifiable IS unprofessional, nasty, and reflects poor judgment. I would not hire a nanny who had done something like this and if I were a nanny, I would never work for a parent who had done something like this.
nyc mom: lighten up. and don't be condescending to the readers of this blog. some of us judge a post on face value, regardless if it is written by moms or nannies. If a mom wrote in with a fair rant, I would sympathize with her.
dadiswrongonthisone:
Obviously we disagree. The difference is you feel the need to launch personal attacks because of that difference of opinion, and I do not. It is possible to disagree politely.
I don't understand why working mothers are called mothers at all. they don't do any of the things moms do they pay a stranger to do it, mabie they should just be called egg donor.
nyc mom: I was not trying to attack anyone, I was merely stating my opinion. we all have our own way of expressing ourselves. it doesn't mean we cannot express ourselves any other way: it just means we choose to do so here.
online.
on a blog.
we are not in church or at a PTO meeting.
the main point I was trying to make to you personally was that you implied that you know what the reaction of the majority of the people posting here would be if it were a mom ranting. and you don't know that at all. your assumption is elitist and condescending.
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt because of my lack of politeness. Again, lighten up. But not before you suck it.
monkeyshines:
so you are saying that doctors should never have children? therapists? teachers?
your comment is a bit harsh. some mothers have to work to support their families. some women choose not to give up their careers when they have children. nice job on making an ignorant, sweeping generalization that makes you sound retarded.
what decade do you live in? or are you 12 years old?
get a clue.
I would fire you after reading this post. You are too hostile and angry to take care of my kids! I wonder if the mom really did see it? Let us know how it went.
dadiswrongonthisone:
Okay. You win. You will be able to out-insult me. I've seen you post on here enough to know that you must have the last word. So feel free to reply with your last word and have your "win."
run along
i have been a nanny for over 20 years and i dont understand why women have children, their careers are more important than their children right or they would be home what do you get out of it, you never see your children and on their days off they dont even spend time with their kids or they put on a act for me, they dont know how to talk to their kids or even relate to them because they never spend time with them most every family i worked for had 1 child in therapy.how do you have a baby and hand it over to a complete stranger that is your child, your flesh and blood, i would like to know what women tell themselves to make doing this okay.
i can understand things happen and you have to work to keep a roof over your head but the women have worked for are so selfish, why not live modestly so you can raise your baby instead of spending on materialistic things, seems to be a american thing to do
english is my 3rd language
monkeyshines,
It sounds like you have worked for pretty bad parents. But not all people who need childcare are like that. Some live modestly or even in the poverty level and simply need childcare.
I think a good childcare provider is one who is not only great with kids, but also is an advocate for quality childcare and the people who need it.
I do understand that some people are selfish, but not all.
Monkeyshines, I think you need to run along. If you hold so much contempt for your employers, why are you a nanny? If mothers didn't work, you probably wouldn't have a job, none of us would.
While I agree it is wrong to have children and not wanting to ever spend time with them, in my experience, these parents are in the minority. The parents I've worked for have been crazy about their kids and look forward to seeing them at the end of the day. The mother I currently work for will occasionally take a day off in the middle of the week, just to spend time with my charge. On those days, she calls and tells me not to come in.
Monkey, I'd say that English is actually your second and a half language, since you haven't mastered it yet. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that all written languages in this century make use of punctuation and capitalization, but if your first two do not and that's an alien concept to you, then my bad.
But language learning still does not account for the ridiculous stereotype you have posted here. That's no different than saying that because you worked for someone who was (insert religion/sexual preference/ethnic background here) and they were an asshole, that all people of that category are assholes. Just curious how you feel about fathers with jobs? is it morally acceptable for them to help support their families because they have a Y chromosome?
Now, I have to take back what I posted here last night because I somehow mixed up the 2 rants that appeared at the top of the site and my response was therefore not quite relevant to either one, since I think I read part of one and part of another and tried to respond. That's what I get for trying to read in a hurry I guess.
well said, miss mannah and cali mom!
Hey, Cali Mom you sound like a real bumboclatt, how many nannies are raising your kids? instead of hanging out on isyn you should be spending quality time with them
shame on you!!
Yay, another dumb comment from Monkey! Actually I'm a SAHM/WOHM, freelancing while my son is at school.
You still didn't answer my question about dads earning a living. Are you OK with that, or should anyone who produces offspring be required to apply for general assistance?
The answer is, when travel is dangerous due to snow, charge $250 per 24 hours, and sleep over. Two nights is five hundred dollars. Most moms will agree to it in a second, because they don't want to be the primary care giver. It's too much WORK!!
@OP - you say your boss checks this site everyday? Obviously she doesn't trust you. Does she have reasons not to trust you? OP, if you were my nanny, and I read this....I'd fire you so hard, flames would part your jeans!
@monkeyshines - I adore my children, but I need a break from them. You obviously don't have children, or you would know what a train wreck you can be after being with them 24/7/365.
In my mind, I put motherhood on a pedestal. I rearranged my whole life/household because I thought I wanted to be a SAHM - boy was I wrong.
And by the way, no kid wants to be with mommy 24/7/365 - they need a daily break from us too.
@MissManah - never thought I'd agree with you honey. you rocked this one.
How about you just say you won't show up because the weather is bad and that's the end of it? She's not going to fire you for that.
Two major storms hit my town and in the first one I refused to show up until the roads were clear. On the second one they really needed me so I said "look, I'll go, but you'll have to pick me up because my little car doesn't do well on unplowed streets". He drove 30 minutes back and forth to pick me up and drop me off.
And that was it. But, I have fantastic understanding bosses.
@ monkeyshines
Obviously an ignorant person who talks because she/he has a mouth but doesn't really think things through. I'm not a mom, I'm a nanny, and I've been around loving moms. Moms who work for their children and who, when they get home, deal with the worst of it (because they are a lot easier during the day). These moms are dedicated to them and their well-being.
When I am a mom, I will also work. Why? Because I love my children and I want the best for them. Staying at home doesn't make you a good mother. I have worked with a SAHM who was a trainwreck and who couldn't stand her children.
And yes I agree with Nannycams. Nobody can spend 24/7 with another person without being fed up with him/her. Not even kids.
I agree, Vanessa. In my country we did not have nannies at all and there were no stay at home moms/dads. All the parents worked and we were at school, pre-school, and so on, during the day. Working parents are often the best and certainly not worse than stay at home moms/dads.
NannyCams, aw you're making me blush. ^_^
One thing I do want to say is that OP's employers don't necessarily check this site because they don't trust her. Maybe they are just as addicted to it as I am! I certainly don't check it out thinking someone is going to be talking about me. But you're right, if they do figure out she was talking about them, she'd be out on her rear end!
Great post! I live in Bergen County. And most people stayed home. Even with SUV's it just wasn't safe.
@Vanessa, I know you're gonna be a great mom when it's your time. Good luck to you.
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