The Third Parent

Received Wednesday, November 18, 2009
RANT on I SAW YOUR NANNY My feet hurt, so badly. I've worked somewhere around 60 hours this week, with 94 hours last week, and 80-something hours coming up this week.

I can't take it.

I took this job because I was in a bad situation and needed it. I was stupid, but it can't be all me. The mother sugarcoated what she expected, and then when I got there, BAM, second day on "trial" and I've worked from 10am to 4am.

My second day, after being told that I'd hit bed by 9-ish, latest.

It's a 24/7 job, but she won't really admit that. She actually thinks that because she wakes her own kids up in the morning and takes care of them during the 1am-7am hours, I am being ungrateful. She actually told me she expects her next nanny to "take them" when she needs to sleep.

What am I?

I am not a nanny. I am a third parent in a two parent home that only actually has one of them. The husband is always at work, and though she'll tell you that he'll help when he's around, what she means is "my poor baby, we can't actually ask him to wash dishes or try to put his children to bed or help with anything! He works all day!"

What the hell, lady, do you think I do, when I am cleaning the kitchen you ruined all by myself (which you advertised as "assisting with cleaning"), your living room, taking care of three children who are lovely but who you damn near REFUSE to put on a real schedule that therefore keeps all of us up until unreasonable hours (for which you get me so I can help you put them back to sleep at midnight, then expect me to wake up at 7am or earlier and actually get angry when I tell you that I need more than 5 hours of sleep a night, and perhaps sometimes I'd like a minute to myself!)? The best part? She goes on and on about how she gets no sleep, and in the same breath

After I clean the kitchen at night, usually by 10pm after you ruin it with your haphazard cooking, I sometimes actually like to take a minute to write and enjoy my hobbies without being badgered. Just because my light is on doesn't mean you can just bust in my room at 11:30pm when I'm trying to wind down and do fucking LAUNDRY.

And oh yes. The laundry is in my room, of course, which I have to hear all night, and then I get shit about "how come you don't sleep well what's up with thaaaaaaat you sleep more than EVERYONE and you should stop staying up so late!"

Sorry if I sometimes want to talk to my friends or look for that new job you told me to get. Sorry if I am doing something I enjoy for an hour a day, so exhausted that I can't even get up to make my own bed because I'm so worried about getting out to you ASAP at 7am to send your child to school cause you are unable to take ONE six year old to school on time while the other children sleep

I understand your life is hard. But have just an ounce of respect for me. Yelling at me because I wanted to take a nap after getting 6 hours and less of sleep 5 days in a row? Telling me "I sleep so much more than you" and "you do so much more work than me"? Seriously, I wanted to knock your teeth in. Forcing me to eat your old, cold, crusty and stale chicken cause I was hungry four hours ago while I was feeding your kids, and instead of giving me a moment to scarf it down before it got that way, told me to never deny your kid a drink of water for five seconds because OMG HE IS CRYING BECAUSE HE IS THIRSTY FEED HIM/WATER HIM ALREADY! I just do not know how you can yell at me to eat chicken that's been out for hours when you are constantly telling me never to leave any bit of food out for more than five seconds. Why the HELL would you tell me to eat food you wouldn't eat yourself, or give to your husband?

Your husband? I like the guy. But for one, he doesn't know crap about what goes on in this house while he's at work, and when he's telling me to do things the exact opposite way you've told me to do them, and you insist that I should do it his way just to appease him, or more fun, of course, stay up an extra two hours cooking for him and then RE-CLEANING THE KITCHEN at midnight

Putting dirty, smelly rags in my shower stall? Leaving dirty laundry in my room overnight? Complaining at me when I don't get up at 2am (because you have an insane laundry machine that takes several hours to wash instead of the regular one hour) that I should've taken the laundry out instead of sleeping the few hours I do get so you don't have to burst in my room and do it because you can't bear to leave laundry in there for a couple of hours? Having the nerve to even joke "lol how come you don't clean your room that says something about you"? Well, lady, I don't have time to clean it because I'm taking care of your kids nearly EVERY WAKING HOUR, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.

Now, if I was Lisa Marie Presley's nanny and making $650 a day, I'd have no complaints at all. I don't even make $650 a week, for which my employer often mentions docking from in case she has to hire someone else sometimes so I don't work another 94 hour week. So I can sleep and be well to take care of her children. I make less than minimum wage working from waking until sleeping.

Lady? Fuck you. Fuck you so goddamn hard.
Have a rant? Lay it on us. Email or send it anonymously this way.


CuriousDad said...

You sleep in the laundry room? What is this the 17th century?
Get another job.
You have legal recourse as they have not given you a safe environment to live in.
You do have a contract? Correct? If not, I am sorry. They are paying you overtime? Correct? If not, I hope you have a contract. If not, I am sorry.
Get out
Get out
Get out
I am sure you get the picture, that job is not worth killing yourself over. Living in the laundry room indeed. Oh and technically she cannot barge in on your room while you are asleep. Matter of fact she cannot barge in at all, unless it is an emergency.
Did I mention get out?

Princess said...

GET!!! OUT!!!

But first, before you find a better job, and the odds are anything will be better....invest in a big fat padlock and when you are not on duty, as spelled it out in a contract (or verbally agreed upon, whatever), lock the room to your door, turn on some music (at a reasonable level) and do whatever you want to do.

Later, tell her you were sleeping, couldn't hear her knocking. If she acts like there is an emergency and there was NOT, tell her "please do not interrupt me unless there is an emergency, oh and yeah, let me sleep in the guest room, or move your washer into the basement, it's not working out."

IF she fires you on the spot, which she probably won't till your replacement shows up unexpectedly to you at some point, tell her allll about herself, flip her off, and then laugh (literally makes assholes crazy), laugh and walk straight out the door. Fuck her indeed. (and hey leave a note saying you not only enjoyed doing all her parenting and housework, but 'doing' her husband was the best perk of all.....of course that's not true...but it will hit her where it hurts, for sure. ;)

H said...

Do you have any family you can stay with until you get on your feet again? Because it is not good for your mental health to be in this situation: you are essentially being abused. I really feel for you. Get out any way you can.

nannyneedsanap said...

whoops, that last post was me.....forgot to leave my name!

world's best nanny said...

Did they have laundry rooms in the 17th century? LOL!

All kidding aside, leave. Pack up and leave today if you can. Do not allow these people to run your life!

One exasperated moment out of you, one sigh, or one roll of the eyes and they'll toss you, contract or not. Remember you want to be in control of your future, not them.

VAnanny said...

Are you nuts? Leave!!! I mean I do feel sorry for you but you have to know that NONE of this is okay. This lady wants a slave, not a nanny. Do you have a contract? Probably not. Just get out. Seriosuly. Even if she did pay you 650 bucks a week, it still wouldn't be enough to deal with what you are dealing with.

VAnanny said...

I meant 650 a day. =)

Anonymous said...

Run run as fast as you can before you form a bond with the kids and then feel too guilty to leave them. I worked for someone just like this. But like you I was desperate too and they paid well.

Anonymous said...

I forgot to say the crazy woman scarred me for the rest of my life. And it was the unhappiest time in my life. You deserve better!

snappleapple said...

wow. that is so unacceptable it is ridiculous. I would quit and contact the labor department about this woman. She can not hire someone and expect them to be on call for her every need and whim all day and night. It is one thing to expect a nanny to wake up at 2am to help care for a sick child or get out of a burning house, but quite another to expect a nanny to wake up at 2am to help with the laundry. If i were you I would file a report with some sort of authority about her lunacy, with a strong paper trail. Then i would print out all the documents, leave them on her kitchen table and get the hell out of there. I can't believe you are doing all of that for less than $650 dollars a week. I made that much money working as a waitress in a terrible college bar and even though the work was miserable, at the end of my 8 hour shift, i was DONE. You can do much better.

Edie said...

Gather your stuff and walk out the front door. NOW. You will never regret it, but you will regret staying at that hellish job for one more day.

nannyneedsanap said...

Anonymous said...

RUN!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! Don't wait until you have another job. Go anywhere you can. If you have to move in with a friend, a family member, the f***ing YMCA, just get out of there!

nannyneedsanap said...

whoops, that last post was me.....forgot to leave my name!

xfileluv said...

Get. Ooooooout! <---say it like Amityville Horror

Please leave. And let us know how it all goes down. I want to revel in her disbelief that you would DARE to leave the wonderful situation she has provided for you.

Village said...

You need to get another job. In this case, I'm not sure you should just quit, and then find a new job.

This kind of stress is harmful to your well being.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. GET OUT NOW!

BusyMissDee said...

She sounds like the crackhead psycho bitch boss I had two years ago. I would leave work exhausted and when that bus came closer to my job, I wanted to run down the street and catch the next bus home.

I love some of the suggestions. I would contact a lawyer to see if you can take legal action against her. I wonder if she acts this way because she is crazy or because her husband always works? Just out of curiousity OP, can you tell us what the mother does all day that she acts like a bitch? There is no reason to treat another humab being like this, especially one that cares for your home and children.

MissMannah said...

I know I'm going to sound heartless when I say this, but I really can't force myself to feel sorry for a nanny who doesn't go about her job in a professional way. If you don't get the parents to spell out your job in a contract BEFORE you start work, then you really shouldn't be surprised when they pile on all these extra jobs. Stand up for yourself from the very beginning and then you won't have to worry about working for crazy people.

just another mommy said...

If you are going to stay in the job (which I don't recommend) start using the word no...often and repeatedly. She says "Do the dishes at midnight" you say "no". She says "Get up and help me get the kids back to sleep at 2 a.m." you say "No, that's not my job".

Practice makes perfect.

talesfromthe(nanny)hood said...

Contact a labor lawyer. Spell out for the lawyer, on paper, exactly what you have been doing at work, hour by hour.

Find a place to stay when you are tossed out by your employer.

Then, lock the door to your "room" (if the lawyer says you have the legal right to do so), say "NO!" to requests made pre- or post- the work hours you were told to expect when you were hired, and then, once you have found a new job, let her fire you. As you leave, inform her of the upcoming lawsuit.

Unknown said...

Please see my comments below. All of which apply even more so to you, and I would write them here except I have got to head out to work. Please get out of this situation. I have been in both places, the nanny when I was younger, and a middle-aged mom now. Shame, shame, shame on them. I am sorry for the children to lose you, but the parents have caused that to happen, not you. Find a child whose parent or parents will value and treasure you, allowing you to be at your best for taking care of their children. The best thing a parent can do for their children, in terms of a nanny, is once they find someone good, is to treat the nanny with love, kindness, and respect, just like they want the nanny to treat their child! When you are in an abusive situation, it is difficult to make the move out, especially when children are involved. You are very articulate about what is wrong with her, and the entire situation. Now you must save yourself, and find another job, and get out. (And as I said in my other post, print out all the responses here, to hand to them as you leave. Let them see what other people outside their four walls think of their behavior. Take care.

crazy house said...

Go to your doctor and ask for some lithium to slip into mom's coffee. Or, at least ask for some adderall so you can get through these 20-hr days.

Barring the medical route, get really close to a friend with a comfortable couch. Please believe me- as hard as it may seem to leave now, it will only get harder the longer you stay.

Anonymous said...

I have totally been there, done that. So glad I got the heck out of that job. I literally had to run away and burn a bridge because when I tried to quit appropriately (3 weeks notice) the parents were verbally abusing me. I just couldn't take it.

My advice: Get. Out. Now.

Village said...

I hope the OP checks in and lets us know she is out of there. People can't take advantage of you unless you let them.

CuriousDad said...

world's best nanny said...
"Did they have laundry rooms in the 17th century?"
For the extremly rich and powerfull? Yes, sort of. For everyone else? Large basin or the river or a fountain or not, as the case may be.

Manhattan Nanny said...

The sadist victims in these situations are the children. I've seen it with some of my charge's classmates. They are heartbroken when the good nannies keep quitting, and the one who finally stays is a bottom of the bucket nanny who hates her job and doesn't bond with them.

As Mythos2001 said...
"The best thing a parent can do for their children, in terms of a nanny, is once they find someone good, is to treat the nanny with love, kindness, and respect, just like they want the nanny to treat their child!"

OP, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE before you have a physical and emotional breakdown!

Phoenix said...

Girl you are a soldier for being able to put up with that and not killing her. I would be so pissed if you woke me to do your laundrey...bleach would quickly find it's way into your delicates. I am pissed for you! Get out of that house and leave her high and dry and laugh as you skip down the road. you may look crazy but it will feel oh so good!

OP Nanny said...

I did end up leaving. I wrote this about a week before I quit, and didn't change it to past tense.

The reason there wasn't a contract was because it was supposed to be a weekend long trial, which turned into longer, and I was trying to be nice and stay on until she found someone who could handle it.

But I've honestly never met someone that completely unappreciative of their nanny in my entire life, and I tried my best because she really didn't get much sleep and she did work hard as well---when she wasn't holding us up for an extra hour to go shopping for clothes and sunglasses---but then I realized the reason we had to work so hard was because she didn't know how to handle her children at all.

OP Nanny again said...

Oh, and hilariously enough, once the new nanny came around (who I helped her train...), she started treating me horribly and telling me not to be honest with her about what the position entailed, and kicked me out on about 12 hours' notice. Luckily I had made plans the week before that to move.

Also funny, she bought me about $50 worth of clothes, and kept repeating about how she NEEEEEEEEVER does that for anyone and blah blah blah, even though that $50 probably should've gone to the food she said she'd buy me but never did. She seemed surprised when I didn't eat (hello, I was cooking, trying to clean to get to bed on a decent time, and watching kids during times she was supposed to at least be helping) and then yelled at me for snacking because I was so starving at times.

The woman is insane, and to be honest, she really does believe she is offering a super awesome situation and gets mad at you if you tell her anything otherwise.

Village said...

More like laundry courtyards. And usually a well to do family with six servants had three just doing laundry. Huge pots over an open fire with long wooden paddles stirring the clothes. HOT sheets to hang. Really the worst job in the world. Unchanged through the middle ages and into the industrial revolution era, until the invention of the wringer washing machine. PS What did I major in?

Mary L. said...

OP, it was a great rant but I don't understand why you seem to find it amusing now.

I do believe parents could be this bad, but I don't understand why you stayed a minute extra when this was a trial period that did not and could not work out.

It would seem more logical to run screaming as soon as the next warm body appeared on the scene.

Training the new nanny, really? What sort of training is there for being a slave? How is this something that could be hidden from the new nanny? How could the laundry in the nanny's room running into the wee hours of the morning be disguised?

world's best nanny said...

My very first nanny job I was caring for a 11 year old and a 13 year old. Lets say I kept them reined in the best I could.

Bitchy newly divorced mommy trying her hand at running her own business instead of working as a nurse as she was trained for. Paying me $70 a week! That's right $70!!!!

I had to do laundry...piles of it and got screamed at for shrinking her sweater.
Dishes?? How about 2 or 3 days worth, all saved up for me!
Food to make dinner? Non-exsistant.
Moody 11 year old, flunking out of junior high, slob 13 year old.
Cleaning out her basement and taking stuff to the dump. Using my car to move her office!
Watching her damn bird while she was out with the new boyfriend and the kids were with their Dad.
Me, like an idiot, stay there until one night she says I've found someone else, don't come back on Monday.
I literately had to fudge my entire resume to get job number 2. I was hired by a fantastic family who had to relocate in the end. Those kids are 17 and 14 now and I bet they are awesome kids.
This job has a learning curve, once you've learned what you are willing to put with you can find better.

H said...

Mary L:

I think OP was being sarcastic about it being hilarious. And she already explained that she wanted to stay until they found someone else because of her personal ethics, which I admire.

Anon, you said

"I used to have sympathy for stories like this but no more. Eithere they are fabricated (1st guess) or these nannies are idiots. Who would ever work under these conditions? Who would ever agree to sleep in the laundry room?

I smell a troll and after reading OP's responses I take her even less seriously."

You are naive. I doubt this is a troll. Perhaps you have never been in a bad situation where you really needed a job and wanted it to work out so you tried despite the circumstances. That does not make OP an idiot. It makes her human.

Mary L said...

I think it was manipulative of OP to post her original story without the ending....Look at all the attention and sympathy she garnered without letting us know she was already safely out of the situation. That's why there is troll suspicion....and no, I don't respect a personal work ethic for staying in a situation where you're being abused.

H said...

I don't think it was manipulative of OP at all. This situation could have happened to anyone, and by posting this it allows discussion. There is nothing bad about that.

As far as staying in a job where you are being abused, nobody is perfect. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like and put up with things we don't like until they become too hard to handle. Mary L, I think you sound very naive and self-rightous. And sheltered. In the real world, most of us sometimes are put in situations that are not good. To just quit when the going gets rough without even trying is something a spoiled college co-ed does, not a responsible woman. It may seem to you that OP was weak to stay but to me it makes her seem brave and tough.

Mary L said...

H, I think you are the one who is naiive.

I understand full well staying in an impossible job because you have a good work ethic and are a responsible person.

OP had not been hired for this was just a abusive, abominable trial.

And OP reposting has an "Aha, gotcha" quality to it.

OP to Mary L said...

The story is not fake. I send in the version I wrote before I'd gotten out because it shows exactly how I felt at the time I left, and this IS a blog after all.

If you need to know all my business, I had been living with violent roommates and the job I'd procured months before suddenly dropped with no reason and about 2 days' notice. It started out as a trial, but I worked my DAMNDEST because I was hoping that the stress of having to move the entire house in 2 days was getting to everyone, and I really had nowhere to go. A bed in a laundry room is better than no bed at all, and at the time I thought that if we just got over this hump, it would work out better.

The most horrifying stories end up being true, and I got plenty of sympathy from my own friends, I certainly am not looking for random strangers to provide it, and sharing stories is what teaches us all.

I find it amusing now because honestly, when you look back at crap that happened to you sometimes, you have to laugh. Have you never laughed at something stupid you've done? I wouldn't believe you if you said yes. I'm still a very, very young nanny (who, consequently, this woman was targeting), and sometimes you just don't always know what's going on until you learn it firsthand.

don't get it! said...

Mary L,
You really sound like a jerk. How old are you? You sound so immature. Why are you attacking OP? It seems as if she has been very honest and sincere.

MissMannah said...

No, Mary L is not a jerk. She's right. If you are in a bad situation, you do NOT have to stay in it, particularly if it was supposed to be a trial anyway. I do not believe OP when she says she had absolutely nowhere to go, everyone has somewhere and failing that, there's a homeless shelter as a last resort. I have had some horrible jobs and I didn't stay with them because they don't get better. Thinking you can change a person and make their lives better is very naive.

Phoenix said...

I know exactly how OP feels. Not in the nanny situation but I lived in a house with an abusive landlord. I mean everything everything was my fault. He hated my husband so he always spoke bad about him to me. He was constantly raising the rents. He blamed me for the wind knocking down his fence that was riddled with termites. He always sent us letters saying that we owe him fees or what not. You all ask...well why didn't you just move out? Well were young, this was our first rental house I was 18. I didn't know any better. I finally was able to save up enough money to leave he tried to sue me. I have never hated someone so much in my life, he was really old and for some flippin reason he wasn't dying. Guess what I learned the best lesson in life, I am practically an expert on AZ tenant landlord act. It was horrible. He even locked us out of the house, didn't have smoke detectors, hot water heater was in upside down, and I had bottles for kitchen sink plumbing. It was so bad....and now I look back and laugh and laugh. I lived through it, I'm better for it. So OP I know where you are coming from and I am happy you are out of that place and i wish you the best.

H said...

I wish you the best too OP. I think the people who do not have sympathy for you are just very self-rightous and have never been in a bad situation. Lucky them!
Good luck and good for you!

nannyonthebrink said...

i think it's funny that people think stories like this are fake. It is all too believable. I stayed with a family who was mean/ abusive/ manipulative, etc because I wanted to get a 2 year on my resume. after my 2 years i left. for me, it was the right one to stick with. the previous one i had to leave after 6 months because after she came back from vacation and I hadn't cleaned her house (i was also on vacation) she started yelling at me and saying, "what did you do all week?" I wasn't the housekeeper anyway, but why would i clean when i had a week's vacation? there was no confusion about the fact that i was on vacation. and just to be nice i washed all her slipcovers and mopped the floors, etc. sort of to surprise her.

Manhattan Nanny said...

While we are on the subject of naiivite:

" everyone has somewhere and failing that, there's a homeless shelter "

If everyone had somewhere, there wouldn't be homelessness. As for shelters, many homeless people here in NYC have to be forced to go to shelters by the police when the temperature is low enough for them to die of exposure sleeping on the streets. They don't like being raped and having their shoes stolen, common experiences in shelters. It is less dangerous and frightening to sleep in a laundry room.

OP, I'm glad to hear you are out of there. Good luck finding a nice work family.

been there said...

excellent point, manhattan nanny!

miss mannah,

you know nothing about homelessness! The world is not colored in black and white and as much as you would like to wrap everything up in a neat little package to suit your naive frame of reference, you are not living in the real world. `

It is so easy to place blame when you have not been in a situation yourself. Believe me, I know. I used to be the one to say "that could never happen to me." But you know what? Bad luck and evil do not discriminate and you would do well to remember that.

Mary L said...

OP, I am glad you are safely out of the situation.

I never doubted that there were people out there like your former employers...I am sure there are employers that rival Devil Wears Prada and the Nanny Diaries for cruelty and lack of respectful treatment of their employees.

My doubts were only in the way this was presented (tone shift from first post to last post). I am glad you feel enough relief to laugh about the situation.

AlmostHomeless said...


No offense, but if you're saying "go find a homeless shelter", then you have absolutely no idea how hard it is for a single woman without children and several police reports to get into a shelter in NYC. I have tried to get into a shelter before because of physical abuse, and they basically said "well, sorry, we mostly take women who are pregnant or have kids, but just keep calling and maybe something will come up." I was calling places in Pennsylvania and farther down because there was just nothing in the tri-state area.

Do you think it would do anyone's health good to be in that situation? How the heck can you tell someone you DON'T BELIEVE they had no one to go to? You don't know the OP's situation, and frankly, you sound ignorant and idiotic. May nothing bad ever happen to you, lest you understand this nanny's issue.

I'drathersleepinalaundryroom said...

". . . common experiences in shelters. It is less dangerous and frightening to sleep in a laundry room". - Brilliant, in it's honesty.

Lastly, you (Mary) are sorely incorrect and ever mistaken, in stating that everyone has somewhere to go. My husband and I are both 24, and have NO ONE else, that is correct, no one. Because you seem to have a tendency to assume people are lying with "unrealistic stores", I will elaborate: My parents are both deceased, and his parents whom went through a messy divorce, no longer have any thing to do with him, or each other. I have one living grandparent - with cancer who is very ill, and his extended family would rather pull out all of their teeth (lacking sedation) than spend 5 minutes with each other.

Last year, we did spend 3 weeks homeless. (His parents knew, and offered no help . . . in fact, his mother only called back after we had left about 20 panic stricken voicemails). We were not accepted into any homeless shelters (though, we tried). People we thought were our friends looked the other way ("I'm sorry, my house is just too small." "Wish I could help . . . but . . .") Luckily, I was able to land a job I had applied for one week prior, and my husband soon found work in his field as well.

Not everyone has someone, and in times of tragedy a person's character is truly shown - we never dreamed "friends" would ever allow something like this to happen to us - we also never dreamed we'd be homeless for even 5 minutes, let alone 3 weeks.

Lola said...

Wow, everyone took (almost) all the words out of my mouth. Homeless shelters are NOT abundant and simple. Where I live there are two. One is basically a lice haven, theft is a given, and contracting an illness is nearly guaranteed, IF they have a bed. The other one is for families only ...and it only operates in the winter. In the summer the FAMILIES are given vouchers to place in their vehicle (if they are lucky enough to have one) windows so they can park in participating church parking lots for the night. (10pm-6am only). These are available on a limited basis as well.

Back east, when I was a pregnant teen, I found myself homeless for a period of time. I have a huge family. NO ONE would take me in. The only place I had to stay was a crash house, full of constant cigarette smoke, where any food I brought in to feed my pregnant belly, disappeared the minute my back was turned, so that I had NOTHING to eat. Please believe I am not the only person who has gone through this, MissMannah.

Sorry, I know everyone has already chimed in on this, but I just got outraged when I read "everyone has somewhere and failing that, there's a homeless shelter as a last resort." That's an echo of what I heard from every last friend and family member, who couldn't believe I had no where to lay my head. So, yeah, I got emotional. And as for the people who think certain stories are fake, if I told just ONE of the stories of my life you all would be calling the unbelievable police post haste. ;P

Mary L said...

I'drathersleepinalaundryroom said...

I didn't say any of the things you attributed to me.

Florida resident said...

I don't understand how family can turn their back on someone that needs help. Its really sad. But its true.
I have family that turned their back on me. For religious reasons. I am married with a child. But only my sisters and mom and dad bother with us. My grandmother saw the baby visited once when he was born. And came by a week after to see him at the house. That is almost four years ago. No cousins, uncles or aunts could care less.

Not that I am expecting money or presents. but it would be nice if they would once inawhile think of him as well. Example: buy him a toy or buy some shoes as examples. Nothing.

Florida resident said...

or just let us visit or come over to visit us. I am not welcomed in their home.

Phoenix said...

I'drathersleepinalaundryroom said...

You know what hun... you guys do have someone. You have eachother. Me and my husband went through basically the same thing for only a day or two. Not nearly as long as you, but the realization was there that I could only count on him. So don't ever feel like you don't have anyone... just one person to suffer with you is plenty enough

MissMannah said...

You know what, yall are right. I apologize. OP made me angry and I wrote thoughtlessly. Sometimes I forget not everyone lives in a small town in the Mid-West where people actually help each other.

nyc mom said...

I work directly with the homeless here in NYC. I do homeless outreach as part of my work - literally going up to the street homeless to do evaluations and try to encourage safety. I also work in an ER and work with homeless people from that angle so feel very well versed in the population and services.

I just want to clear up some of the ideas presented here since this is a topic I feel strongly about:

-Homeless services/resources vary dramatically from city to city and state to state (I've worked in several places).

-NYC is actually relatively well served. We are lucky in our homeless services and this is part of the reason we have a lot of homeless folks. I have spoken with many who have chosen to stay in or return to NYC after seeing the horrible services available in other places.

-Safe, warm shelter *is* always available to anyone who is not acutely dangerous here in NYC. Not necessarily decent housing, but a warm, safe place to sleep and food.

-There are different levels of shelters within the system. The type you call ahead to will rarely say yes over the phone, but there are designated drop-in shelters that do not turn people away (barring them being unsafe or intoxicated).

-In NYC, getting permanent housing from homelessness is a long process. Getting semi-permanent shelter beds in shared rooms can and does happen very quickly.

-Speed of the process assumes the individual is not too ill (usually substance abuse, but sometimes mental illness) to cooperate with the process. It also assumes the individual is very flexible about the type and location of housing.

-Theft is a common occurrence in shelters. Rape and violent crimes are not very common. True acute shelters are generally staffed fairly well for safety.

-Violence and drug use are more common in SRO housing (commonly referred to as halfway houses) as these are not always supervised very well.

That's all!

redridinghood said...

If you guys can stand one more response here...I'm from the UK, where I've spent the last nine years working in a boarding school. A year ago, the powers that be decided to make its matrons non-resident, and I was summarily turned out of the accomodation that went with the post. I'm still earning the same salary, except that now I have to find rent, phone, utilities and food out of it - meaning that two thirds of my salary now goes on living expenses. So here I am, living in a flat in the worst part of town and doing a job I no longer enjoy - because I've been rejected for every other post I've applied for, due to the fact that potential employers believe I must have done something wrong to be made non-resident.

What I'm trying to say is that getting out of a bad job is not always that easy, and that some people stay in one because they have no option.

PS: If anyone needs a really great nanny...

you need a moniker said...

This is the job from hell. i worked for a person like that and has to leave. it was bad for my health. I only stayed for the Children as they told me i was a fun nanny and the best they had. But emotionakky i was feeling drained from the mothers abuse.
9 years later i still feel for those kids and the memories of her abuse are slowly fading aaway. So for your healths sake leave now.
There are much better jobs out there.
from an Australian nanny.
Nov 22, 2009 12:03:00 AM

Sorry i spelled emotionally wrong.
Also for those intrested.
I live work and was born in Australia. I love this site.
And love nannying
From Australian nanny Simone.

Nov 22, 2009 12:05:00 AM

oh well said...

nyc mom, thanks for sharing the facts with us. Your posts are always interesting, and this one is particularly useful. OP, I hope that your situation improves fast.

Andrea said...

I just read this and my eyes welled up with tears. get out of there. i understand your fear of not wanting to leave before you get a new job but honestly, if you need to contact whoever you need to to report horrible living conditions at your job

E.D. said...

To those of you bashing the OP for staying, you clearly have never been in a situation like this before. It is tiring and time consuming to find a new nanny position. And the idea that it isn't permanent can leave a lot of room to put up with even the craziest crap. I once did a trial week with a family who did not allow me to eat at the same table with the family. I was to eat in the "buttlers quarters" which was just a hallway with a counter that I could stand at and eat. And yeah, I cooked their meals.

I was scolded for coming in 30 minutes early (when the father asked me to) and accused of trying to cheat them out of a half hours worth of wages. The kids were out of control and locked the maid in their bedroom for over an hour at one point. It was one of the worst posts I've ever been in, but I needed the money while I searched for another job and I knew it was temporary.

If you cannot understand the logic behind that, then you need help.

it'slatepeople said...

well, i'm pretty late on the scene, but... i couldn't muster up any sympathy for OP either, mannah. not angry or anything, but it takes two...
glad you've moved on OP. don't do it again.

Anonymous said...

I know you might have bills to paid but that does not mean you gonna let these "animals" treat you like crap!!!
get the hell out of there!!!!!!
There's a lot of good families out there, if you have permit to work in the US go to an agency they will find you something much better than that!!! PLEASE!!! don't do this to yourself GET OUT!!!!