Our nanny has been with us for almost a year. She started out a solid 9 in terms of performance and settled in to a comfortable, reliable 8.5. Some of the things I like most about her are her reliability,
Now, the problem. Our family went away a short while ago and as is the case, when we don't need the nanny, she stays here, in our house. Everything seemed to be fine before, during and after our trip. Last night, on Sunday, I was searching for a jpeg copy of photograph on our home computer. When I could not easily find the photo, I used the search function on the toolbar and searched through all of the photos.
What I found was shocking and I am having trouble coming to terms with and understanding exactly what was going on, especially in the context of the fact that I think we have a pretty good nanny; particularly when compared to other nannies in the area or that I have known.
I came across a series of 62 photographs. The photographs were taken during the time we were away, as verified by the data on the photograph. The photographs contained my nanny and two other young ladies stark nude. My nanny only appeared in 5 or 6 of the photos. The photos were not sexual as in they were groping each other or kissing. But the content was disturbing just the same. The two other young ladies, neither of whom is known to me were utilizing my son's 200 piece tinker toy set. There were a few pictures showing them setting it up, but the series of photos was really focused on connecting each girl to the other by tinkertoy parts, parts that appeared to connect using ; how best to say this, each available orifice. Was it art? I don't know, my nanny never struck me as particular artsy. I don't believe she is a lesbian, not that I would care if she was. I do feel violated. The background of the pictures is our playroom, for reasons I will not mention, a playroom that clearly connects with our family and is readily identifiable. I also cannot come to terms with the use of a child's toy in such an obscene way. Last night, I did use a glove and retrieve the entire bucket of tinker toys from the playroom and through it away.
Last night, I was ready to fire the nanny. I was repulsed. I had written to ask about severance pay, cause for dismissal and what to do about her mother and brother who are arriving for a visit on the 17th of December. This morning, when I needed to go to work, she showed up with a big smile and greeted my child with the same enthusiasm and although I felt somewhat grossed out by the memory of what I had scene, it did not entirely quash my sense of comfort with the nanny as related to her reliability and the care she provides my child. I don't know that I could do better.
Can I get past this? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?