Thursday

When Do I Tell Them I'm Leaving?

Received Thursday, October 29, 2009
Perspective and Opinion on ISYN I work for a wonderful family, as a live-out nanny. I have been with them for almost 2 years, and I have never had any problems. The parents and I have a professional relationship. I'm not treated like a member of the family, but as an extremely valued employee, which I definitely prefer. We usually communicate via email about schedule changes and vacations months in advance, which is very helpful.

My husband and I are planning on moving out of state in September. It will break my heart to say goodbye to my charges, and I'm pretty sure I'll never find a family like this one again. I don't want to just spring this on them, and I want them to have enough time to find a replacement for me. But my nanny friends warn me that if I tell them too far in advance I could be let go sooner if they find someone cheaper than me (this has happened to a few people). I'd like to believe this would never happen, but at the same time, I can't afford to lose my job.

My review and raise are coming at the new year. Do I tell them then? A friend of mine said wait until two weeks beforehand, but that seems a little late. Any ideas? Thanks!

37 comments:

Sarah Hamilton said...

I think 6-8 weeks is plenty of time! 2 weeks for a regular job, but this is more personal. You are right about too soon, they could find someone and let you go. 2 month is my vote!

~Night Nanny~ said...

September, as in 11 months away??? I'd go on as usual...that's a looong time, lots can happen between now and then. You deserve your review and raise. I would wait til it's much closer, maybe a months notice, but I see no reason to tell them now.

allison said...

I was in this same exact situation last year. I did not tell them at my review, which was months before I was actually leaving. If I would have told them I don't think that they would have given me the raise that I knew I deserved because I would have been leaving six months later. I told them three months before I was to leave. That gave them enough time to search and interview as many people as they wanted before I left. And also there was time for the new person to come and get to know the kids before the switch. I also told them that I was mulling over the idea of leaving and just then decided it was the right thing to do and that's why I hadn't told them sooner.

That way they weren't hurt that I didn't tell them right away and I didn't lose my job from telling them too soon.

MinuteMuggle said...

i think a month's notice is sufficient.

bippityboppityboo said...

I would recommend a minimum of a month in advance. That way they really don't have time to replace you with someone cheaper but thats plenty of time to find a suitable replacement. They will feel cheated if you only give them two weeks. Best of luck.

Phoenix said...

I would give at 6-8 weeks and offer the idea up to help train your replacement 2 weeks before your time is up.

Phoenix said...

I don't know if this would be the right place to post my news because the OP needs some advice. But to let you all know, I lost the baby this time it was older then the 8 weeks that usually happens, it was 16 weeks. Just haven't said anything until now. So yup, I am not going to try anymore.
But on a lighter note please advise the OP, this wasn't set up for me to complain.

Miss Nanny said...

I would say about two months. That will give them plenty of time to find good candidates and for you to prepare the kids for a new nanny. If you tell them just a few weeks before they may not be able to find someone good. You don't want the kids you love to be with just anybody because they were desperate.

Village said...

Considering the economy, it shouldn't be hard for your family to find a new nanny. One month is probably too much time. If two weeks is too short, then think about three weeks. Once the family knows you are leaving, they will be in replacement mode. And if you want to keep your job till the last minute, then wait until next to the last minute to tell them.

Once you announce you are leaving, the family will be in flux and turmoil, and the parents will want to end that as soon as possible. You aren't family, and they don't treat you as such. Don't treat them as family either. I'd go for the two weeks notice if it was me. There are a huge number of unemployed excellent nannies who would love your job, and it won't take the family long to find one, and then you will be excess baggage.

Marypoppin'pills said...

I do not want to take away from OP's Post either but I must offer you my condolences, Phoenix. I am so sorry for your loss.

MissMannah said...

Phoenix, my condolences. You're in my thoughts.

OP, I gave my last nanny employers about 7 weeks' notice. I hadn't planned on giving more than 4 weeks but my new employers were going to call for a reference so I didn't want my current ones to feel betrayed. You're really only obliged to give 2 weeks but it is more customary in the nanny world to give 4 to 6 weeks' notice.

Don't tell them before your review because you deserve your raise! Also, when you give your notice, tell them it is ok if they find someone to start immediately but you will need severance pay to cover the rest of the time you're meant to work.

Anonymous said...

I think 2 weeks is way too short. Even 4 weeks is short. Ideally, they would need a few weeks to find someone new, and then another few weeks to transition to the new nanny. If the family has been good with you all this time, there's no reason to think they will screw you at the end. My recommendation would be 6-8 weeks.

So sorry Phoenix. :(

oh well said...

Phoenix my heart goes out to you.

Phoenix said...

Thank you all for the kind words. I really appreciate it

lester said...

sorry for your loss, phoenix.

Bint Ethel said...

I'm sorry for your loss Phoenix.


Op I think you should give them 3 months notice.
Don't tell them now, it's waaaayy too early.

MinuteMuggle said...

sorry phoenix. you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Lindsey said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Phoenix. I don't know your situation, but don't give up. I will keep you in my prayers. If you need to chat feel free to email me. mikey2smom@Yahoo.com.

OP: I think it is way to early to tell them now. I say tell them in July. Since you don't really have a "family member relationship," with this family, they might not hesitate to replace you right away. I think 8 weeks is more then generous on your part. Good luck.

nannyinmanhattan said...

Phoenix I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You're in m y thoughts and prayers.

OP, 3-4WEEKS is my vote! Definitely DO NOT tell them now!
Good luck!
NIM.

ChiNanny said...

So sorry for your loss Phoenix.

OP- I am in a similar situation. My husband and I are moving end of August/beginning of September. I'm very close with my family, but not a "member of the family" I'm planning on telling them in June, which would give them 8 weeks ish (my end date is a little flexible.) But I have the same worries you do, as well as a worry that they'll be angry and make my last weeks difficult.

Repost for anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

I think 2 weeks is way too short. Even 4 weeks is short. Ideally, they would need a few weeks to find someone new, and then another few weeks to transition to the new nanny. If the family has been good with you all this time, there's no reason to think they will screw you at the end. My recommendation would be 6-8 weeks.

So sorry Phoenix. :(

Oct 29, 2009 2:23:00 PM

OP said...

Thanks to all of you for your advice. I wasn't planning on telling them right now, but I wanted to get some insight from you lovely people.

A minor update: a mom in the neighborhood, who is very nice and friends with my boss, mentioned that she'd love to do a nanny share with my family in the fall since she thought I was great. I thanked her and made a joke that I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow, let alone 10 months from now. I just found this kind of awkward.

Phoenix: My heart goes out to you. Don't give up on being a mom. There are plenty of children out there that need your love. My parents adopted my brother when I was six, and it was the defining moment in my life. My college essay was even about it.

NannyVal said...

My vote is for 2 months. Telling them at your review is way too early, as someone said earlier...anything could happen in that time. I don't suggest one month because if you are moving out of state, then one month previous to your exit you'll probably be in the throes of moving plans and may not be able to hide your plans, anxieties, weariness, etc...... And, IF they do cut you off early with 2 months to go....you may welcome that free time to finish up packing? My guess is they won't since the relationship has been so good up until now. I fhte question how long you've known you can simply say things were up in the air and you kept things to yourself until you were absolutely sure.

Manhattan Nanny said...

Phoenix,
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have loving support from family and friends to help you through this.

OP,
Since you are leaving in Sept. I would tell them in the spring when school gets out. that will give them a good two months to do a nanny search, and a couple of weeks to transition with you there. I wouldn't tell them earlier, as you never know, something might happen to change your plans.
It makes me sad to hear that so many nannies fear that their employers might give them the boot and hire someone cheaper if they give notice in advance, or treat them differently in the interm. . I am so grateful I don't work for people like that!

ericsmom said...

I am sorry for your loss Phoenix. You never know when you least expect it, you may have a healthy pregnancy! Find a really good high risk obgyn in your area. I don't want to say too much. Because I am sure its upsetting. And I don't know you personally. So I am not sure if you have gone down all those avenues already.



And OP thats great that your parents adopted!

world's best nanny said...

1 month is more than enough time. Your employers will become very busy finding a replacement. Don't feel funny about that. This happened to me long ago, but they ended up putting him in a daycare/preschool.

Offer to train any replacement, that way they won't let you go too soon.

Ariel-chan said...

My contract requires 4 weeks notice if I decide to leave, which seems to be a good amount to find and hire a replacement.

Village said...

RE The nanny share. Could your boss have heard your husband has to move for work?

It seems odd the neighbor would say that out of the blue.

Does your boss know about the offer to share?

Phoenix said...

You guys are so nice. To tell the truth you are the only support that I've received. Since this is the 4th miscarriage my family doesn't react the same as they did with the first one. I guess they think by now I should be used to it. But every pregnancy feels different so I don't understand that logic, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger (or bitter). Adoption is always a choice for me, I will seriously consider that when I get a little older.Thanks again

once a nanny now a mommy said...

I had a similar situation and told the family about 8 months in advance. They knew my husband was a Med student and we could potentially move. I had worked for them for two years at the point we knew we were moving. I was a valued employee to them and they kept me until my move.

Not every family is as wonderful, but I hope yours is.

I would say tell them two months in advance and if at all possible set aside two months wage incase they are.less than stellar.

another CHInanny said...

wait 6-8 weeks beforehand. otherwise you will probably end up getting fired.

Sara said...

I would tell them about 4-6 wks in advance. Next year is a long time and you could end up losing your job, and then not even move after all. Let them know when things are more concrete...you have movers reserved and an apartment in your new city etc.

cali mom said...

Give one month notice. You certainly don't owe them 10 months notice and your nanny friend is probably right.

MonkeyShines said...

I have been a nanny for 20 yrs and I will tell you take care of yourself first because when push comes to shove, no matter how close you think you are and how nice you think they are, you are not their blood and believe me, women who have children and then pay someone to raise them don't have much in the feeling dept. I am sure if they didn't need you any more, poof, you would be gone!
when the time is right give 1 months notice. always take care of yourself first!

MissMannah said...

MonkeyShines, you said:

"women who have children and then pay someone to raise them don't have much in the feeling dept. I am sure if they didn't need you any more, poof, you would be gone!"

What kind of heartless people have you been working for for the past 20 years? Granted, I've only worked for 3 families in the past but two of the mothers were absolute dolls and very sad to lose me. One even gave me a huge bonus and some of her older furniture to help me in my move.

Just because a woman chooses to work outside the home doesn't mean she's heartless. I'd hope most families care enough about their nannies to work with them on the transition. Yes, you should always care for yourself first but not everyone out there is a bad egg.

Bloomfield Babysitter said...

Your friends are right...to a degree.

Don't tell them in the beginning of the year.

If you plan to move in Sept, tell them in July-about 8 weeks notice. That gives them plenty of time to find and train a replacement. Two weeks notice is not enough time for the kids to adjust or for them to find a sutitable replacement.

Me said...

Tell them at the end of your last day! That way you can leave before people get emotional.