Saturday, August 29, 2009
.... WHAT?!

Feature Ad:
1) Seeking a Nanny, Housekeeper and part time Trauma Nurse (Portland)
We run a small home business and we have three special needs children. We have a very active home with lots of energy and a periodically broken volume knob. We would like someone who is self motivated, dependable, not afraid of hard work and excited to work with children. We would like this person to have at least two years experience working with children, some experience working with children with disabilities preferred, current CPR and first aid training, at least two professional references and knowing how to operate multiple remotes to multiple devices would be a huge plus. That’s what we would like; but if you’re brave enough to walk through the front door, well, that just might do. We need help with: getting the kids off the bus after school, home work, cleaning their rooms, playing board games with ever evolving and unidentified rules, making and serving meals, cleaning up after meals, changing poopy diapers, changing poopy underpants, referee sibling conflicts, soothing agitated moods, singing the veggie tales theme song, vacuuming, that’s not yours, organizing the art cabinet or keeping the five year old occupied while I do, some grocery shopping and putting it away, getting this child out of that child’s room and putting all the toys this child took out of that child’s room and spread across the living room floor back in that child’s room, cleaning the crayon marks off the wall this child made while you were helping that=2 0child get their toys back, changing beds, getting kids into pajamas, I just cleaned that!!!, privacy means you don’t go outside naked, put that back, deciphering the speech therapist’s handwriting, folding laundry or standing watch over the three WMDs while I do it, explaining why we have to wear pants if the babies don’t, picking up toys outside, will you please stop bugging him, taking out the garbage, some gardening, telling the boys to take their hand out of there, for the love of God let Mommy finish just one cup of coffee, please, PLEASE!, oh my God where did you get that!, playing NERF dart tag while knowing that no matter how the game goes you have to loose and fall to the ground and let the kids fall on your kidneys like a trampoline, fixing broken toys, art projects, running to the post office and the bank and Walgreens for compression bandages and then the liquor store, backing me in any argument I’m having with the husband, don’t put the used Kleenex back in the box, reading stories, playing dress up, making pretend hamburgers, singing the veggie tales theme song, taking a turn standing watch over the youngest during a psychotic episode, organizing the office, setting up the fisher price train, getting out the stickers and some paper, getting the two oldest into the bath and keeping the youngest out of the bath, finding the source of20“that smell”, helping to hold the oldest down while we attempt to administer ear drops, scraping stickers off the TV and digging some paper out of the heat register, because girl lobsters wear makeup, putting in a new DVD-CD-game cartridge-DVD -game cartridge-CD-cartridge-DVD-CD-CD-CD …, soothing head tooth toe ear knee belly aches, cleaning up any manner of biological fluids emitted from a child’s body that were probably intended to appear in a different form or from a different orifice, please go bug somebody else, please let there be enough hot water left for just one more shower, will you please do that in your room, remembering that my kids are neither evil or malicious, cuddles, do you need to go potty, did you flush the toilet, did you wash your hands, did you use soap and water, why is the water still running, please turn off the light, ARE YOU WET!!, some filing, proofreading e-mails and CL posts before I send them … obviously, what did you just flush down there?!?, taking the kids out to the zoo or the mall, going for special days at the park or the pool, going on discovery walks, carrying the middle child back when he discovers his knees are too sore to walk back on his own, finding the !!BLUE!! shirt, ushering the children out of the bathroom when the toilet overflows, finding the plunger and plunging the toilet, singing the veggie t ales theme song, ushering the children out of the bathroom when the toilet overflows again after we tried to flush it before completely clearing the blockage, letting Daddy believe he was the first one to get his little girl to say that clearly, convincing the little girl that Mommy isn’t the only one that can change her poopy diapers, for the last time (again) TURN THAT DOWN!, that’s not a jungle gym, Where-Are-Your-Pants?, taking the ninth turn today reading Dr Seuss’ “One Foot Two Foot”, wrapping gifts, planning parties, going over board with decorations and party favors, changing a wet accident for the fifth time today, undressing muddy children at the back door, mopping the mud off the floor from the one that ran past, telling the youngest not to eat that off the floor, telling the oldest that we just told the youngest not to eat that and that means them too, telling them all that we only have two hands and to not ask again, finding the letter M, playing tickle monster, encouraging me while I try to convince my husband that his aging and saggy body is still as hot as it was at 25, convincing me that when he says I’m as hot as I was at 25 he’s clearly just stating the obvious, why are all the cups and forks in the laundry hamper?, reminding me to calm down when the grouchy old man at the grocery store runs into my handicapped child with his cart because they weren’t getting out of his way fast enough, singing the veggie tales theme song, this is not a playroom, making sure all the kids get the right medication at the right time and it all gets recorded properly, making sure my husband and I get our blood pressure medication, knowing when my husband is right but making sure he doesn’t know I’m ready to admit it, getting everybody’s socks in the right drawer, keeping clean towels and toilet paper in the bathrooms (and yes; making sure the paper rolls the right way), polishing off that box of wine on Friday night after the rest of the house is asleep and the lunch dishes still aren’t washed, vacuuming under the cushions, finding out which side of the window those finger prints are on, finding my phone, finding my keys, finding the $100 universal remote that was supposed to operate everything seamlessly, finding a way to get that darn veggie tales theme song out of my head. And maybe, just maybe if we get time off for good behavior. We could get someone to watch the kids while the husband and I go out for a quiet grown-up night, with mood lighting and wine glasses. A romantic evening just for two; playing footsie below the table and holding hands above the table with our eyes locked in that loving gaze that only two people, who have been together as long20as we, could have. But, probably still talking about what we think the kids might want to do next week. So, if you’ve read this far and still have even an inkling of interest we’re offering $9.00 an hour for afternoon and weekend help, overnight respite care is negotiable and all the “Gold Fish” crackers you can wrestle from the kids.
“God made them that cute so we wouldn’t kill them.” ~ James Dobson
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Special thanks to hijabiniqaabi for our Feature Ad... Also, thank you to MissDee (you sent in some really good ones!), Cinder38, live.moxie, afnt81, NevadaNanny, UtahNanny, mbargielski, JulieK1994 and MissMannah... all of you did an excellent job this week! Remember, CL-WTF will be Posted every Saturday. Please send next weeks Ads HERE or use MEEBO.



cali mom said...

OMG. Good luck on #1. It made my brain hurt just reading it. No one even capable of keeping a child breathing for 8 hours would apply for THAT job.

Matthew said...

And all this for $9 an's got to be a prank posting!

CuriousDad said...

#1 Looks like someones rant on what kids are like and how patheticly little some people will pay for it. Or its a set of parents covering all the bases and making things look worse then they are that way they can either "say I told you so when you agreed to take the job" later on or it will be a surprise to the Nanny becuase their kids are actually well behaved. Some of the time. :)

Sarah and Mitch said...

I have a feeling #1 was meant more for the funny/sarcastic side of rearing kids. I found it hilarious... I hope they get a good babysitter that also gets a kick out of it. Clearly, they are looking for someone who can take the good with the bad, and just enjoy their kids with them.

Now... the $9/hour is something that concerns me, but a good nanny can hopefully negotiate it up a little.

MinuteMuggle said...

number 22 seems like a very strange offer. On call, so you may work one day, you may not the next, and also 2 dollars an hour for a full day.

That doesn't sound very good to me.

just another mommy said...

#6 has to be my favorite...I think I'll post my own ad like that see if I can get any takers.

#13 - so they don't take care of 5 year olds, but everyone else up to 10 is okay?

Portlander said...

I actually thought #1 was funny, and a very honest look into a pretty high-stress situation. $9/hour, however, is not so funny.

just another mommy said...

thinking back on #1...just think, that's what a mom does all day, every pay.

JacksMom said...

#1... just wow. A sense of humor is a good thing.

#2... I'm not sure why this is a WTF.

#6... YIKES!!! They want somebody/anybody to come watch their two kids... right now...for free?? That's insane!

#7... Tells you more about the puppies than the children. Nice.

#10... A little over the top, but the general idea of working for trade is a good one, as long as both parties agree that everything balances.

11... The caveman comment was cute.

28... $400 for two days' work and transportation costs reimbursed? That doesn't sound unreasonable.

Marypoppin'pills said...

Admitting the wage is low is one thing but offering up a "free meal" like it somehow makes it fair? A lot of the Readers here are incensed or insulted when they see that in an Ad.

Lindsey said...

I liked # 1 a lot. Although $9/hr isn't a lot, she was honest and has a good sense of humor. Her ad sounds like it could come from my life at any given time, I can totally relate. :)

#6 was good too lol.

hijabiniqaabi said...

Jacks Mom
I don't think 28 is a good deal.
It's more than 40 hours, so once you factor in time and a half, it doesn't seem so good.
Also you may have to do laundry.
It doesn't say kids laundry, or family laundry.

world's best nanny said...

Did I just step into the Twilight Zone or what? #1 makes me feel I've entered some strange dimension.

I just applied for a job, 30 hours a week and they were advertising $15 an hour. So that is what? $450 a week, right? I get a return email stating that was too much money, so why are they advertising for that much?

WTF? said...

#1 had me until she quoted Dobson. ::shudder::

Ravenswood Nanny said...

yes WTF the James Dobson quote ruined her for me as well...

Up until that point I was laughing my ass off and remembering the days my mom was a foster parent for special needs children: it's like my childhood all over again. lol.

The $9/hour does seem low and if the children are adopted she should be able to apply for some sort of assistance for child care pay. Unless the kids are her own biological and then they might just be having a difficult time keeping up with all the financial hurdles that special needs children have.

I hope she finds someone, sounds like they need a fun and understanding person.

Hungry Nanny said...

Dear #2,

Will this meal be gourmet? Meaning will your personal chef be making whatever it is my little heart desires? Can I request Julio Child's Beef Bourguignon?

Or will I be given cash to order my meal in? Will it cover the cost of my favorite Sushi place?

If you are offering me macaroni and cheese with hotdogs as compensation, HELL NO!

A Hungry Nanny

Ravenswood Nanny said...

#14 & #20 both sound like jobs I might apply for...

don't really see much wrong with them.

enlighten me please...

Marypoppin'pills said...

Ravenswood Nanny
#14, although not quite as funny as some others, was still cute...
"entertaining the little buggers while I try to get some work done and if you wouldn't mind folding a load of laundry or putting a chicken in the oven I would be ever so grateful!"... And #20, although $10 an hr is not unacceptable in this economy, she was asking for an awful lot from her Nanny. I would not take that job.

Bint Ethel said...

I would never take #20.
They want you to take the kids to gymnastics, etc and run errands, and clean.
For $10 an hour gross.
And they will give $10 in gas.
Then they add, that you can be given more tasks.
No way!
Thats nuts.

JacksMom said...

Thank you, MPP. Of course that's it. I read the ad three times before I posted my question about it. I can only blame my missing that line on the fact that I was only half-way through my first cup of coffee. Reading CL WTF, when it's hot off the press, is my Saturday morning guilty pleasure. Thanks so much for your work every week!

Hijabiniqaabi, you're right. Although, it did say "willing to do a load of laundry if necessary," so it doesn't sound like they're planning to save the entire week's worth of family laundry for the nanny to take care of. Still, if I were an unemployed nanny, I'd probably look at this as fast money and not debate with them over it.

Marypoppin'pills said...

Thank you, JacksMom. ;)

Yaya said...

Oh my gosh. My favorite was the errand to the "liquor store" hahaha!

Lola said...

Okay I think I see something actually 'WTF' about #14:

"you must be able to swim, at least enough to save yourself & 1 of my kids"

I mean I guess that's realistic in a way but, come on, wtf! I would want ALL of MY kids saved!

Ravenswood Nanny said...


LOL. "I would want ALL my kids saved."

me too. haha. but i think the reader gets the point.

although my husband doesn't swim so I guess this is a bit of a stretch to ask of your nanny, unless she is lifeguard certified. but then again, if you can't swim, don't apply for this job.

that was too much of an explanation, excuse my ramblings.

Wife Of MD Loved Being A Nanny said...

OMG. Number 5 is crazy! Room and Board in the BABY's room!

And number 8 is fishy. Medical Students do a residency immediately following Med school. So she either couldn't secure a residency or is a liar.

One must wonder.

-- Husband is a resident and I showed him this ad and he said she was most likely not being truthful, no one in their right mind would drop a residency to be a nanny --

hijabiniqaabi said...

My husband said she is probably a cna.

NVMom said...

#1 is kind of humorous to a point. My twins were special needs (one no longer is), and we didn't live that chaotic of a life. I think in the end it does a disservice to the kids and their development to live like that. Sorry if that's a downer, but it's how I feel.

MissDeeNeedsCoffee said...

If number 8 is a doctor, WHY would she not want to continue to be a doctor after the time she spent in school? I may not be the best speller, yet her spelling and punctuation is ATROCIOUS. I wouldn't want her to be my doctor-she might misspell a prescription, confusing the pharmacist and kill me!

I wonder what other "services" number 10 is looking to trade with someone's hubby? I shudder to think what she is willing to barter while a wife is away at work or her husband is at work?


ttt said...

What is so wrong w/ the Dobson quote? I think it is cute. Everyone gets frustrated and something does stop you from being drastic right?

DenverNanny said...

not speaking for PPs, just from my experience:
Dobson seems to either be highly respected as a conservative leader or completely dismissed as a right-wing weirdo. He's a conservative christian who has made a number of very incendiary comments regarding homosexuality, spanking, politics--among various other issues. Many conservative Christian parents greatly respect his advice/opinions on parenting/family relationships/etc(including my parents), but I've also heard people lump him in with TBN evangalists and some of his parenting books are kinda... well, interesting. Please form your own opinion, but it's easy to see how he alienates and/or offends large groups of people...

Personally, I love that quote-- I've used it a number of times, but never knew it was attributed to him!