Heart Held Ransom.......

Received Wednesday, June 10, 2009
RANT on I SAW YOUR NANNY I am your NANNY, I am not your maid, or your trashman, or any other professions you've so kindly given me. As a nanny, I'd rather be giving all my attention to you three year old son of whom I greatly adore. He's such a sweet little boy who has captivated my heart. While he's tugging on my leg to play with him, I'm stuck cooking your dinner, tending to you dog, picking up your shoes, washing your clothes, and watering your plants (and please know there's a lot more tasks than that). Because of you, I am burned out, because of you I find myself falling asleep at 7 p.m. when I finally get off work (if you come home at that time which in normal cases you don't). I show to work every day bright and early at 7 a.m., most of the time while you are still snoozing away in bed, and most times, your child is already out of his room, wide awake with full range of your elaborate home, and you don't care because you expect me to make all messes disappear. Speaking of messes, why do you Dad stuff yourself so full in front of the TV every night and leave your empty bags of chips, soiled napkins, and bottles of wine strung throughout the living room? Oh right, that's my job. When I was first hired, you both told me you were easy to talk to, don't leave anything unsaid. When I spoke my mind, I was a peasant to you. You turned it on me and lashed me out because you feel like I'm not doing enough for you and your house and that you expect to come home with everything perfect, because you both work long hours. What about me? There is no me! You don't care if I work 69 hours a week, which I have. You don't care if I'm sick or if I need to go home for a family emergency. If it were my child, I'd treat their nanny like a queen. At times, I've told myself to start living the golden rule.."treat others as you'd like to be treated", but my heart gets me everytime. I love your child (I want to be his nanny) and I can't speak up because I'm in fear of losing my job and your child. You hold your own child against me, knowing that I won't stand up because he's my world. What a sick little game you play.


Future mommy said...

:( This made me sad for you, because I've been there. And truly, it's the reason I'm not a nanny anymore.

fox in socks said...

Wow, this is terrible.

world's best nanny said...

It's so sad to love the little ones so much that you are willing to be treated like a doormat by the parents. Been there done that.

OP said...

I could have went on and on about the mistreatment but I'm sure little paragraph set it all just fine.

glamnan said...

*SIGH* This is almost to a "T" my job as well. It's ridiculous but in these tough times I'm scared as hell to leave. I feel ya OP.

cali mom said...

Why don't you start by no longer picking up the dad's snack messes. if they ask you why you've stopped, tell them you noticed it was not in your contract. If "general housecleaning" IS, you're pretty much stuck with it.

OP said...

It's not listed in the contract, but these people expect to come home with a spotless home, dinner cooked, and child completly bed ready, because they work such long hours and should be treated like the king and queen. If I changed my tasks ubruptly, they'd freak out on me. They keep wanting more and more and expect no questions.
I have been fighting with them about letting me take two days off because I have to be admitted into the hospital for a 24 hr test (doctors think I have an autoimmune disease) they won't even let me do that, they provide me with health insurance but I can't use it. I'm stuck.

ATL Nanny said...

Get. Out. Now.

Seriously you have to look out for yourself -- your health, sanity and well-being -- first and foremost. You are allowing them to take advantage of you and manipulate you. And if this has been going on for years, even after you brought your concerns to them, I see no reason to believe it will ever end or improve.

I am not unfeeling. I have cried myself to sleep countless times because I miss my former chargers. I know how much you love that child. I know you will be heartbroken to leave. But eventually, you will have to leave. You are a nanny. This is a job.

Start looking for a new job, and use everything you have learned at this position to help you in your search. Screen potentially families carefully to ensure that you are on the same page about hours and schedules, talk to former nannies to see how they were treated, etc. Eventually, you will find a new family who will respect you and honor their agreements. And you will fall in love with a new child and be so glad that you made the change that allowed you to be his/her nanny.

mom said...

OP, I suspect they're paying oyu a very low wage, right? Quit cleaning the messes that aren't in your contract, period. So they expect a clean house. So what? You expect to be treated fairly. They don't care about that at all. Why do you give in and they do not? They probably won't fire you if they'll have to pay somebody else more money.

And loving the kids is not a good reason to stay. They're not your kids. You're compeltely dispensible to them and they will dismiss you the day they decide they are ready to , no matter how you feel about the kids.

Start looking for a better job, and in the meantime, quit being their slave. What you're doing is your choice. Either stop doing it, or live with it and don't complain.

Nanny Mama said...

It sounds like the little boy IS her kid! Could you just up and leave your kids?? When you are with a child from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed every day...they are yours in a sense. You are bring them to Doctor appointments, you hold them when they are sick, you fix their "boo boos", you calm their fears, you say, "I love you more then anything"...and you REALLY mean it!
When you care for a child like this, and then suddenly leave them, a piece of your heart is gone forever. The Child's heart is broken as well because their Nanny is their everything.
I was a Nanny for 15 years for 3 different families. I would feel this way EVERY time I moved on. I am however one of the lucky ones! I still get to see or talk to my 15 year old "baby" at least once a week, and all of my other "babies" (6 total) as well. The 15 year old is MY babysitter now!
You just can't help who you love and get attached to :-)

It's okay to rant said...

Mom, this was a "rant" and people are allowed to complain! It is clear that she doesn't want to make waves with the parents because she needs the job, and by saying "it's not in my contract so I'm not doing it" is akin to saying "that's not in my job description" at a job you really need in this bad economy.

Plus even if the parents seem to respond well to her, it's going to cause resentment and open a can of worms.

I completely understand why OP is frustrated, but not at the point to do anything yet.

Grrrr said...

Yuck, I cant' stand when people write in "You have the right to quit and it's up to you"

I think these people are disgusting on so many levels, but especially not to let you go to the doctor.

So, they expect you to care for their child when they don't even care about you? How's that supposed to work out?

mom said...

nanny mama,
I completely understand that she loves the kids. My larger point is that she should not feel welded to this situation because of her love for the children because, sad as it is, they are not her kids and she is completely disposable at will when the parents decide, on any sort of whim, to be rid of her. And the parents don't sound to be all that great of people to me.
I'm glad people care so much for the kids they watch...but I also at the same time feel bad for them, because they have no rights to the kids whatsoever. So, when things so wrong, it is probably good to start looking at the situation realistically, rather than just from the heart...because so often when one party is becoming unhappy, so is the other, and the days are therefore probably numbered at that job anyway. Hanging on for the sake of the children, or nanny's love for the children, is ultimately going to be futile, and probably all the more painful to the nanny in the long run. I think its time for this nanny to start becoming emotionally prepared and to think about cutting her losses....even if it's only "just in case."

I once met a was so sad. She was with an abusive man and had raised his five year old son as her own since the child was apparently just months old. She had no rights to the child and every time she thought about leaving she realized that she would completely lose contact with the child, who she now truly loved as her own. (And who of us could actually willingly walk away from such a bond? Not me. My heart broke for her, but I saw the writing on the wall as far as her future was concerned.) Her boyfriend beat her regularly, and she stayed for her love of the child. The writing was on the wall...the reltionship sucked, and the guy wasn't going to keep her around was very obvious. She devoted, I'm sure, whatever time her now ex allowed her to stay and be abused, to loving the child and trying to keep things together...only wasting more of her life and tearing out even more of her heart by the time it was over.

I hate that somebody who has truly loved a child can be ripped form their lives instantly and unceremoniously, but its the way things are here and I hate to see people prolonging the inevitable when to do so is only ripping out more and more of their soul with every passing day.

sad and concerned said...

Hi OP. With all due respect, you sound a bit unstable. I mean this with the utmost sincerity. Perhaps you should see a therapist. I do realize that this is a rant, but as a parent (employer) I find it a little scary.

OP said...

Unstable? Are you kidding me? You're going to say I need to see a therapist through my rant?! This is a RANT people this is what you do..COMPLAIN! Good Grief!

If I was so unstable, I wouldn't be able to do the things I do on a daily basis. And if my employer's thought I was as unstable as you seem to think I am, I'm sure I'd be gone.

I am stressed and overworked, but I love the child. Point blank that's it! My contract never stated doing all of these extra things that they keep adding so when I mentioned it, they acted like it was my fault.

I'm sticking my chin up and dealing with it because I adore their child and don't want to leave him and wonder how he is when years pass, and because the job market is scary. I posted a rant and you know what after I posted the rant, it made me feel a little bit better. I am not unstable, get a grip!

nanny prints said...

lol unstable? seriously? it's funny that it's a parent and employer posting that. surprise surprise, what a shocker!

if she thinks you're unstable, op, i'm scared to see how she treats her employee(s) and what she thinks is okay.

Nanny Mama said...

Abuse is very sad. Your Friend's story is horrible!
I guess that I was just lucky with all of my Nanny families....They WILL always let me be a part of their children's lives, and I am very greatful to them for that. The kids and I will always have a special bond that nobody else can understand (except maybe a fellow Nanny).
I can't imagine being in this poor Nanny's shoes. A TRUE Nanny loves her charges very much and would walk through fire for them. You are right with alot of waht you say....this story looks to have a tragic ending :-(

mom said...

nanny mama,
I'm happy for you that you get to keep in contact with your families. That's how it ought to be, for the sake of the kids as well as the nannies. Unfortunately it so often is not.

Gabby'smommy said...

Gee OP. Intense.