Wednesday

Striptastic

Received Thursday, February 5, 2009
Perspective and Opinion on ISYN I need opinions please.

I interviewed with a very nice single mom 2 weeks ago. The hours suit my needs and the pay is good. She has 2 adorable children. She told me she is a waitress in an upscale establishment. She was very selective about the interview process, called my references and did a background check on me. Monday she called to tell me I was hired and could I start Friday evening. I said yes. I stopped by her home this morning to go over things and become familiar with her house. (She owns her own home in a nice neighborhood). She was on her way out and as I left and I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood I would be working in. I will mostly be working late nights she may occasionally have me there weekend days.

As I was returning to my car, a woman came out of the house near hers. She asked if I was going to be the new babysitter. I said yes. Then she asked if I knew the woman Iwas a stripper. I was shocked! The neighbor gave me the name where she works and I just had my husband call and ask if X would be on this Friday night he was told YES! The club is an upscale club but my DH says no way he wants me working for a stripper. He worries about what sort of people she might bring home and what I could innocently get involved in.

Now I don't know what to do. On one hand I can see my husband's point and on the other I see nothing wrong with how she makes a living. It's not easy out there and I know strippers often make a full time salary working part-time hours. An excellent situation for a single mom who gets to earn a living wage and be there for her kids. I addition, we had a good friend who paid her own way through college stripping and he saw nothing wrong with that back then.

My big issue is she lied to me. I can understand why she lied but I still feel uncomfortable about that, particularly after she checked me out so thoroughly.

I promised to sit for her this Friday evening but I'm not sure if I should get involved. I'm also not sure what to tell her if I decide not to work for her. After the interview process and subsequent conversations, I would feel silly saying something "came up" My DH says just lie to her like she did to me but that's not my style. I can't think of a way to tell her I know the truth either.

98 comments:

FaithfulReader said...

This is ridiculous. Strippers are not likely to bring clients HOME WITH THEM. Your husband is being beyond silly.

She didn't tell you the truth because of exactly this type of reaction. That's why she lied to you - it's completely understandable.

WindyCity Nanny said...

Wow, I think the neighbor had balls to say that to you. Did she say it in a warning type way, or in a nosy neighbor type way? If she wasn't trying to be a gossip, I wonder if something may have happened and she was sorta giving you the heads up. Anyways. I have no idea what I would do in that situation. In my career as a nanny I have ended up learning WAY too much about people I've worked for. In the long run, is finding out that dad is a cheat and a liar worse then a mother being a stripper? I don't know.. I would think so. I'd maybe give her a chance, and if anything seems shady of course protect yourself and head for the hills. Maybe she really is just a "stripper" and business is business and she leaves it all at work. I guess you'll never know for sure unless you check it out.

If you do give her a chance, trust your instincts if anything ever seems compromising for you. Let us know if you go on friday!

Village said...

Tell her the truth. You know she's a stripper, and your husband isn't comfortable with that. She lied to you. You have the moral high ground.

She may want to find out how you know, but I wouldn't tell her. It doesn't matter. No need to drag in the neighbor who helped you avoid a mistake.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

D you need the job or not? If not,keep looking. If so..tell mrs Cravits to MHOB next time she approaches you and get to work.
You already stated you have no problem with how she makes a living.
Frankly,unless it's ilegal it really is not our business how our employers come by the money to pay our salary.As long as they pay and do it on time.
Explain to your husband that this sounds like a smart women. She owns a home,is raising two children and can afford a nanny.. many working couples cannot say the same!
Best of luck!

Nanny Taxi said...

She must be one of the neighbors that everyone talks about! Personally I can understand why a woman would do that for a living. It pays well! Why else? But I don't think I would feel comfortable working for a stripper. Strippers may not bring the clients home, but some of them end up with some weirdo stalkers.
Plus she lied. I wonder how she would feel if she caught you in a lie?

too chubby to be a stripper said...

Is she a nice person? Do you think she would be a difficult person to work for? Then I do not see a problem. She's making a living for her kids. It is better than living off the state and being a crackhead with kids. It may not be the most wholesome way to make a living, but I would rather work for a stripper than some of than some of the a$$es that have employed me.

Village said...

A stripper gets up in front of strangers and takes her clothes off, in a sexual manner. That gets men going. Some don't turn it off when she leaves and goes home. Men follow strippers home. It's a hazard of the business. It's hard to hide in a world with the internet.

I think there is an element of danger there. That's why her husband is upset.

Phoenix said...

Um strippers are not hookers. Get over yourself. She is a person making a living. I don't care if she's a stripper or not, she is paying you. I wouldn't care. is she went as far as to try and hide the fact she was a stripper, then she didn't want you to know.

Leave it alone and be a good babysitter.

I don't think anyone of you people have been around strippers, you have a very deluded way of thinking about them. I know a lot of them because my husbands aunt was a model and tons of her friends were high end strippers, they are not really that pleasant to be around, but what you guys think is really far from the truth.

DenverNanny said...

The odds of her job affecting you are pretty darn low...but if you're uncomfortable with it-- or the fact that she lied-- tell her.

She prob already knows her neighbor is a busy body and you can use that to bring it up. i.e. "so-and-so mentioned this and honestly, my husband's concerned... can you just confirm whether or not this might be an issue to settle his concerns?" If your new employer can't respect that, then you're probably going to have other issues later. Maybe not, but she's already lying to you--whether she was worried about your reaction or not, that's not ok.

Can you imagine if a parent found out their nanny stripped on the weekends? How would you react if you found out your nanny was a stripper? Holy crap...I can't even imagine the reaction!

honest nanny said...

um... upscale restaurants are sometimes otherwise known as the common strip club - so its possible she didn't LIE to you, she just wasn't up front. i was hired by a lawyer, i didn't know what kind of lawyer she was until later.

ask her which restaurant she works at. its not that complicated.

if you have a problem with her, tell her your leaving cause your uncomfortable with her job.

i think your husband is hiding why he really doesn't want you to work for her, cause she wouldn't be bringing client's home and involving you in her business.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Manhattan Nanny said...

She has young children, and doesn't want you to know exactly what her job is, so I doubt she is going to bring anyone unsavory home with her.
It sounds to me like she is doing what she can to provide well for her children. I'd rather work for her than an investment banker who steals old people's retirement funds!
I would do a trial period, and if everything goes well, maybe your husband could come by one night and meet her so he could decide for himself if she is a decent person. In the end, go with your gut feeling.

mom said...

I'm kinda surprised at myself on this one...but I actually wouldn't care that she's a stripper.
Her kids aren't strippers and they deserve a nice person to care for them. And you want a job. If she pays well and on time and nothing weird happens, I'd not worry about it.
Although it might not be worth the stress at home. If your husband truly insists that you quit, I would tell her exactly that..."I have to quit because your nosy neighbor told me you're a stripper. I mentioned it to my husband and he freaked out and insists I quit." At least she won't be left bewildered and wondering what the heck happened....and writing into ISYN so we can help her guess what may have gone wrong! OR, make your husband be the one to tell her since he's the one putting you in an awkward position in the first place.

Original poster said...

Thanks for the advice.

The neighbor seemed to be mentioning it as a matter of fact. She said I seemed nice and respectable and she wanted to make sure she knew what I was getting into. As this neighbor lives three doors down I wouldn't want to cause a rift or problem by mentioning that something was said. I did ask if there had been any problems in the past and she said no, but she thought I would want to know.

As we had a friend who was a stripper, both DH and I know strippers are not hookers and usually don't take work home. But they can and do get stalkers, as someone else mentioned, and sometimes they have excessive drama in their lives . That's why he worries. he's very protective.

I don't need the job thankfully this one would just be for a little extra spending money.

I really liked her and her kids and we hit it off immediately. I could see myself as becoming a friend.

I thought about it all day and I plan to give it a shot. The advice received today helped a great deal. I also contacted a friend who's husband is police officer and plan to have her checked out as well. I want to make sure there's no domestic violence issues with her ex or anything of the sort. Other than that, I'll see how it goes.

Thanks again.

mom said...

PS I seriously doubt somebody who would put a nanny through a rigorous employment screening would be stupid enough to then bring drunk, horny strangers back to the house where they live.
Jut a thought....

sos said...

WOW!That neighbor's of hers sure wanted to "warn" you. I am sure she doesn't approve that woman's way of living and is just waiting for anything to call child service on her.

I am a babysitter and I worked for a woman whom I am 100% sure she was a escort. She was a simple girl from Texas but when she was done dressing - she looked like Christina Aguilera in her better looking days. Really pretty and dressing very sexy. She paid me well, she didn't curse, she treated her child with respect and was a loving mother.
I think you should just work for her and not worry about what she does for a living.
There are so many parents who work as a lawyers, doctors, judges, actors, producers, etc, who want to pay the minimum possible, want you to work like a slave and expect you to have a happy smile on your face.
By the way, I would tell my new boss to watch out for that neighbor. She sounds mean.

Marypoppin'pills said...

I just have to say to Mom... my thoughts exactly! Great comment.

mom said...

Thanks MPP! Nice to "see" you ;)

I've been pretty busy myself lately and haven't been here too much for the past few weeks. Maybe you were here but not on the threads I peeked in on.
**********************************
(And I am now SOOOO happy for my new resolution to proofread...I just wrote "peed in on!")

Marypoppin'pills said...

Back at you, Mom... and I love reading your typos. Sometimes they are hilarious. ;)

Shame,shame,shame said...

you people are such hypocrites. If the parent found out the nanny was a stripper or god forbid a prostitute you would be out to get her ass or burn her on the cross. Shame on you people who live in glass houses....

Baltimore Nanny said...

What about coming out and asking her specifics? Mention what the neighbor said. And if you are really uncomfortable with the situation, be honest, don't make up some stupid lie.

I do believe that its not worth causing a problem in your relationship with your husband though either.

I have known people who were strippers and it worked for them. They went to work after their kids went to bed and they were back home before the kids got up. They sent the kids off to school and then they slept. They weren't drug addicts, weren't whores, in fact, a couple of them were married and did it simply for the extra income.

GET OFF THY HIGH HORSE said...

I love how its totally awesome to work for a Wall Street dad who steals millions from the poor and elderly Americans, but heaven forbid anyone work for a stripper. Moral High Ground INDEED!!

EMily said...

Painfully fake. Strippers do not use their real names at their jobs. Nice try though.

Nanny Tammy said...

The stripper issue would be okay w/me. I mean, as long as her work was legal and all, I would only be concerned w/being paid on time, my agreed salary.
The lying thing is an issue w/me however. I believe that once someone lies to me, they are probably going to continue lying to me. She checked you out completely. When if you had told her you were a waitress and then then someone told her you were actually a stripper. She would wonder what other lies you are hiding. How ironic. I wish employers would be under the same standard as the nanny, however I know it is usually the nanny that is held to almost every standard imaginable!
Yes, accept the job, but if you catch her in another lie, then I would rethink my job.

wrong! said...

Um Emily... they have "stage names". But when they are hired by the establishment, they use their real names. So, if someone were to call and ask if "Sara" was working tonight, they would know who the person was talking about. Just the same if that person were to call and ask for "Diamond" or some other flashy name.
They have to issue them a paycheck, and they aren't going to use their stripper names.

Nana said...

The only one I'd steer clear of is Gladys Kravitz.

worlds best nanny said...

Who cares if she's a stripper? Can she afford to pay you a decent salary? How are the kids? I'd take the job and keep a careful eye out for the neighborhood busybody. I guarantee that neighbor will be the first one on the phone with another neighbor if you so much as let 1 tantrum get out of hand. Gawd! I hate those bored housewives with the binoculars that are minding everyone's business but their own.

UNIDAD said...

Maybe the neighbor was just bored and had nothing to do that day and made the stupid mistake of telling OP she was working for a stripper. I say don't quit the job until you have concrete evidence, and even then strippers are moms too and it's not like your gonna here fuurniture being knocked around in her bedroom each night as you read the kidsif you give a mouse a cookie. And as for your husband, he isn't the one being the nanny, is he? Do what you want to do not what he wants to do.

Manhattan mamma said...

Emily, as Wrong pointed out, the establishments that hire them know their real names. Also, strippers can and do sometimes use just their first name or a variation of it. Candace might call herself "Candy" or a Christine might call herself "Krissy".

I worked as a Skip/Trace for a Collection agency several years ago and you would be surprised what information your employers, neighbors and even family members will give out in an effort to be helpful or get in on some juicy gossip. (A Skip/Trace person gathers information on deadbeats for debt collection agencies) All it was have taken was a little ingenuity from OP's hubby while he spoke to whoever answered the phone.

I'm glad you have chosen to give the lady a shot OP. And I must say, this has been one of the more interesting questions in that it did pose a very interesting question. Would those who defended the idea of a nanny working for a stripper be OK with the idea that their own nanny was a stripper? I don't know if I would be. I have to think on it before I answer.

mom said...

High Horse,
I doubt anybody actually wants to, or thinks its OK, to work for a theiving Wall Street Exec. Haven't you noticed by now that it's the employees of such people who end up getting burned the most in the end? And, I'm quite certain that anybody who unwittingly signs up to work for a thief is not breifed during the employment interviews about the illegal activities of their potential new boss. So, I doubt there are many employees of such people going around thinking it is just fine that their boss is a thief.

Shame Shame Shame,
I wouldn't hold me employer to the same standards I hold my babysitter. My kids are the most precious thing in the world to me, so, while I can have a "Live and Let Live" attitude pretty easily about most things that don't hurt anybody else, I want anybody who has a significant influence on my kids to be worthy of "role model" status in just about every way. I wouldn't want the nanny who throws glass bottles at a dumpster from inside a car and lets them break all over the pavement. I wouldn't want the nanny who curses at people who offend her at the park. I wouldn't want the nanny who badmouths me, or anybody else in my kids' lives, to them. I wouldn't want the nanny who cheats on her taxes, drinks on the job, masturbates with my dog, abuses my credit card, or holds a side job that I would never want my children to do when they grew up....even if she did all of those things out of the sight of my kids. It's called being a role model. I wouldn't want to place somebody prominently in their lives, let them come to love and respect them, and then have to start giving them the "Do as I say, not as I do" talk over and over. That doesn't fly. And if you don't believe me now, come back when yours are teenagers and we'll talk then. Beleive me, whatever you put into kids is in there...and will probably come back out later. Maybe I am too cautious, but as a mom I have ONE job to do...and whether I do that well or poorly may reflect on my childrens' lives for a lifetime. I err on the side of being cautious and conservative. Too many people have lax morals these days...and that's not OK with me for my kids, because I consider good character one of the most important traits a human being can exhibit.

So, while I may teach them to live and let live, I also try to make sure they know there is a right and wrong to most situations and they need to do their best to do the right thing no matter what anybody else does. It's a pretty hard balance in this screwed up world. I wouldn't want my daughter to be a stripper, no matter how much money she made. So, thinking of all those girls out there who are strippers...I don't judge them, but if I were their moms and they asked my opinion, I would strongly advise them not to do it.

DowntoEarth said...

While going to college I worked as a bartender in the French Quarter at a strip bar. The strippers were no different then you and I. It is a job to them and nothing but a job that allows them to raise their kids. They are not tramps and most were very good people.
If you had a friend that was a stripper why would your husband all of a sudden take this high moral stance? You don't know for sure that she is a stripper and just because some nosy thing that lives around there said so doesn't make it true. Why would a stripper bring home men and not a waitress or a secretary that went out drinking? I would ask her and I woud also tell her which neighbor is telling people her business. I wouldnt leave this lady high and dry without a sitter. If your husband is worried your morals may be tainted by babysitting this for this lady I would be honest and help her out until she found someone else.
I would be wondering how many strippers has my husband gone home with though lol

Phoenix said...

OP that's a great idea... I think that employee ex nannies should be able to do background checks on the emoployer. I mean you are in fact going to be spending time in their house, it would be nice to know if they have any issues.

your seems like a good girl. and the mom seems very nice, I hope it all works out, maybe you should set up a time for your DH to meet her and her kids (if she would be willing) to let him know everything too... my husband would want to do the same thing (also very protective).

your supervisor said...

Whoa. Strippers are no different than you and me? I work my ass off at two jobs. I have morals. I don't take my clothes off and stick my cooter in people's faces for money.

You are forgetting that once someone does that - for money- there are way too many opportunities to make still more money doing sordid and disgusting things. You are kidding yourselves if you think otherwise.

I am not saying I wouldn't work for a stripper, they usually are great tippers and pretty generous. But I would never lose sight of the fact that said stripper was a low life piece of trash and should be absoluelly ashamed of herself every minute of every day. Also, I am no stranger to the stripper scene and I know for 100 percent certain that the majority of strippers use drugs, the minimum being pot to relax, coke to stay up and always, always alcohol to get through the night.

I don't think any stripper would ever bring a man home, especially if she makes enough to afford a nanny. Strippers can get in a car with a guy and make $500 quick. And watch out for those overnights.

Do not delude yourselve. Strippers are prostitutes. They sell sex.

Or said...

She may be a waitress at a strip club!

Miserly Bastard said...

I think your husband is being ridiculous. A lot of single moms are strippers, because they've been ditched by a guy, and just have to make ends meet. While I generally hold strippers in low esteem, I understand and sort of admire single moms who strip to put food on the table.

Victoria Anne said...

I must say, I was a stripper for four years and never, not one time, brought a man home or was followed home by a man. To say that ALL strippers smoke pot to relax, use coke to stay up, and drink to get through the night is ridiculous. I made more money then, working part time, then I do now as a college grad working full time. I never once sold sex and there is not one thing I look back and regret. Yes, there are women with low moral stripping because it is an easy way to make a buck, but this is not true for the majority. I have first hand experience.

Your Supervisor- Your comments are mean, unfounded and generally ridiculous. You sound like a woman scorned. Did your man cheat on you with a stripper?

mom said...

Here's what I have never understood...and it's probably because I'm a woman and not a man.
With so many beautiful women who have a clean, high class look to them willing to strip for a great paycheck while working toward a college degree or some sort of "better life", why would men even want to go to see an unhealthy, skanky, cracked out looking stripper instead? I would think men who went to see that would want to see a "fantasy woman" strip as opposed to one who looks like a backstreet hooker. How do those gross places stay in existence with nicer places right next door? Anybody have an answer or a theory?
Miserly...you're a man...I think anyway.

your supervisor said...

Mom,
You are usually so insightful and I love your comments, but let me help you with this one. Low class women in low class establishment would mean lower priced blow job.
More readily available blowjob. More touching, more raunch, more debauchery.

Victoria Anne,
My knowledge of strip clubs comes from women who have worked at Scores in NY and women who have worked at strip clubs in the Danbury, CT area, one of which had the women start out in fancy long dresses. While there are some women who just do it to make money, there is greed everywhere and when you see your stagemate make a quick $100 or $500 or get free coke, then you do it too. Strip clubs are not places where anyone with respect for themselves would ever work. Kudos to you for being without regret, but I dismiss you as a low class prostitute stained for life by the sickening choices you have made for cash.

millows said...

i think that its unfair to judge her based on that. she probably didnt say anything because of the stereotype that goes along with it. what if she was a lawyer and you hate all lawyers? (i dont hate lawyers just an exampel) its not fair to judge. if she seemed nice then give her the benefit of the doubt. the neighbor however needs to mind her P's and Q's :-(

Victoria Anne said...

Your Supervisor-
Well that makes us even because I dismiss you as just another internet troll who makes judgments off of what you admit you have only heard second hand!

BTW- they are called gown clubs, and anyone with any real knowledge of the industry knows that gown clubs are typically fronts for escort rings.

Nanny from Fargo said...

That was so underhanded and nasty of the neighbor! This poor woman :( I am not surprised at all that she lied- people can be very judgemental!


I say, stick it out. She sounds like a perfectly good person. You might be surprised!

your supervisor said...

You'll have to excuse me if I don't have a ton of knowledge about the seedy underworld of stripping and prostitution. Of course if I did, I certainly wouldn't boast about it.

amy said...

Strippers are not good people and it's ridiculously PC to pretend otherwise.

Janet English said...

She's working, not asking for food stamps by sitting on her butt. She is providing for herself and her child/children.

Perhaps she is aware of her discrimination for the work she does and wanted to get to know you before sharing her reasons.

My husband always tells me that he wouldn't mind if I was a stripper to put bread on the table, as long as I did it with dignity and self respect and did not cross boundaries.

Don't judge her too quickly, I'm sure your boyfriend(?) can't have a double standard. I'm sure he enjoys some XXX stuff- he shouldn't judge. And no she didn't lie to you, she tried to protect herself from critisism. Perhaps she thought that if you got to know her first and saw what a nice person she is that she would be judged fairly.

Next time you see the neighbor, I'd tell her: I know, your husband and she likes to hang out at her job all the time. (because that was so mean of the neighbor!)

alex said...

I honestly would never be a stripper and don't think it is a good way to make a living BUT her situation is also unknown and it may be the only way for her to make a good living for herself and her children.

I see no reason not to nanny for her since she lives in a nice neighborhood and has her own home. It isn't like she is living in a shady part of town. I doubt she would ever bring clients home (isn't that a call girl and normally in hotels?) and just because she does strip it doesnt mean she does drugs or anything horrible.

So really it is up to you but if you felt comfortable with her beforehand and like the children, I see no reason why you shouldn't. I don't know what she said to you about her job but if she just said she works at an upscale restaurant she may not have been lying, does the strip club sell food? and maybe it is an upscale one, who knows.

J said...

There is NO JOB YOU CAN DO that requires you to stick your sweaty tots and sour chonch in some one's face. Get the fuck real.

I mean work for her or don't, just don't pretend the bitch has dignity.

Janet English said...

OMG "the supervisor" you are so weird. Now go grace some other blog with your high class presence. Just because you aren't hot enough to be a stripper doesn't mean you have to look down on women who likely make more money than you and who have your significant other pay for her to make up for what he can't get at home.

Victoria Anne- don't worry about the jealousy. I'm sure the supervisor will likely respond with:

"I went to wharton, make $200 000 (or more) a year and my men would never pay for a stripper because I give high class frigid bitch blow jobs without std's. And I am the chosen one. "

LOL. Some people are just a little "off".

la la la said...

I wonder if maybe she didn't tell you because she doesn't want her kids to know? Maybe she doesn't want them teased or anything if someone where to find out?

NannyJ said...

It is quite possible she is actually just a waitress at a strip club. There are girls who serve the drinks and not strip. I have asked girls who were serving if they were going to perform later and they responded with sorry, Not my job i just serve drinks. and they get paid pretty well too.

Manhattan Nanny said...

your supervisor:
Since you seem to have first hand knowledge of the field, please explain this. If, as you say, strippers all double as prostitutes, why don't they just work for escort services? They could make more money in the same amount of time, and not have to exhaust themselves dancing around the pole. Surely if they are attractive enough to strip, they could get hired by a top service, such as Eliot Spitzer types patronize. ( Just intellectual curiosity, I'm not planning to change professions.)

seattle said...

is it just me or does 'your supervisor' sound a lot like 'all eyes', 'disappointed', 'a reader', and 'eternal question'?

worlds best nanny said...

I am sadden by the lack of open mindness at this blog. Just because this woman does not have the "mom club" hairdo, the Honda in the yard, and 2.3 kids with a dog and a hubby makes her trash? Just because she doesn't make her money through a man so she can sit on her ass all day at the mall and boss her nanny around over the cell phone makes her nasty? Just because she doesn't sit infront of a computer all day, or head up charity events makes her a bad person. You DON'T KNOW the woman, you cannot pass judgement!! No one has said she is going to continue in this line of work til they carry her out in a coffin, maybe she is using the money to get someplace else. You certainly cannot, without an education anyway, make that kind of money waiting tables at Friendly's.

visitor said...

@world's best nanny:

Well I sure hope she doesn't keep this job up until she dies...you wanna think about an 80 year old stripper? *shudder*

But seriously, this woman has her own home in a nice neighborhood...she is not the 'low class trash' or whatever it is that people have been calling her on here. Maybe she's realized that this is a lucrative profession and she's making the best use of her talents. After all, what is stripping but being a good actress in a more sexual manner? It's not the same as, say, doing porn...men at strip clubs aren't supposed to touch the dancers, from what I've heard. If this woman is well-mannered and nice and just happens to have a different sort of job than your typical nanny-hiring mom, then I say take the job.

Philly Nanny said...

Talk to her about it. There's nothing wrong with letting her know how you found out that she's a stripper. That way, you guys can have an open discussion about why she lied, and in what ways her work could affect your work at her home. Then, armed with all the facts, you can make a decision about whether or not this is the right job for you. Honesty is key here.

I seriously doubt that she would bring clients home (strippers are NOT prostitutes) since she has a child there.

cali mom said...

Skipping ahead, sorry if this came up already, but when you say she LIED to you, does that mean she told you she worked nights in some profession other than her real one? Or did she just not disclose what she does for a living, or at least what she does at night for a living?

Personally, I wouldn't back out of the job just because she is a stripper. If she really DID tell you straight out that she does something completely different, I'd approach her about it and explain the discrepancy between the info SHE gave you and what your neighbor mentioned, and see what she says. I just wonder, why is it any of the neighbor's concern how the woman earns a living or whether or not she is able to hire a nanny? why does this nosy neighbor feel it is her place to inform a prospective employee that her neighbor is a stripper? It sounds to me like she has some vendetta against the woman, and I'd be wary of taking her word for anything.

cali mom said...

OK sorry, just re-read the first part about her being a waitress. I'd still tell her what her neighbor said and see what her reaction is, IF you really feel like it's that big of a deal whether she serves food and drinks or takes her clothes off onstage. Because stripper does NOT equal prostitute, which seems to be the source of you and your husband's paranoia.

cali mom said...

Supervisor, kudos to you for being without a clue, but I dismiss you as a self-satisfied a$$hole stained for life by the sickening judgements you make against others just to help yourself feel superior.

MissDee said...

OK, so she is a stripper:

My first encounter with a strip club was a few years ago when I applied for a waitressing job. Aware of what I would and could possibly be getting into had I been hired, I only applied to make extra money for school in addition to working FT in a daycare. Needless to say, I didn't get the job. It didn't help that I cussed out the hostess, a young late teens perhaps just twenty year old, 5'4 inch with shoes on 99 pound cracked out looking snot. I am 5'5 barefoot, and with my stilettos on I look 5'8. Anyway, she made smart comments to me prior to my interview and as I was leaving, I responded with "You have no right to tell me where I can and can't work. How dare you make fun of me, and talk about me to someone else in front of me. You are just jealous that you trick off your money to get men to date you." This was 3 years ago. I don't really remember what I said, yet I do remember scaring her. *LOL* I didn't have the right "look", as stripping is based on the entire look, etc. I wonder if that hostess ate anything in the last 3 years?

When someone mentions a stripper, they immediately think of a bony crackhead alcoholic with emotional issues. Not all strippers fall into this catergory. Yes, some are lesbian, others bisexual, yet there are some that are straight. There are some you couldn't trust around a soda and a bag of pretzels, there are some who you can be trusted with anything, including friendship. And there are those who, although they are straight, give a show of kissing, feeling, grinding and in some cases, having sex or close to it for the money with another woman or a few women. Did anyone see "The Players Club"? Some strippers can make wonderful friends, others you would prefer to bag your groceries.

The stripper lifestyle is just what someone posted earlier. They dance at night, sleep during the day, and party. The interesting catch are the strippers who pay their way through school, like OP's friend did. They are highly intelligent, beautiful inside and out, and the kind of woman the stipper hoe wants to be. The stripper hoe is the woman who has kids she can't take care of and who does more than dance in VIP, if you know what I mean. Another strip club I applied at to be a bartender told me I wasn't "marketable enough" to their clientele. "Marketable enough" meant could they place me on a corner to turn tricks? My ex and I were driving somewhere when we saw a girl from that strip club on the street corner waving at cars. She was doing the "Is your name 'John'"? smile to attract my ex, who responded with "why would I want you when I have my wife in the car"?

OP, I can see where your husband is concerned. She probably didn't tell you where she worked at what she did because she is tired of being judged in a profession that pays well but has a bad name. I would see how it goes for a few weeks, and get together with her and your husband so he can see for himself what she's like. Perhaps she is stripping her way through school or to start a business? She won't strip forever, just for the time being. And if she pays well and is a great boss, what else could you need and want? I say give it shot, and if it doesn't work, then leave.

Baltimore Nanny said...

Your Supervisor: Its judgemental people like you that give hardworking people a bad name. Would you rather that stripper be sitting at home collecting welfare and raising her kids on the money that I work my ass off to earn?

Mom: I have never understood those raunchy places, other than that there are people out there with different ideas of what is "attractive".

meryl said...

The original post was about an alleged stripper. OP's husband wasn't aokay with her working for said stripper. I say, listen to hubby, not because of any danger but because you really have no idea what else she is in to.

Now on to the comment, your supervisor is about harsh but she is completely correct. There is nothing dignified about stripping. We should not look gladly upon women who make that choice, and we republicans will gladly, well not judge but just correct you lazy liberals by telling you what is and is not morally okay. You're so seriously decayed.

imanlinuxers said...

hohoho........

UNIDAD said...

who has time to go on ISYN at 1:30 in the morning? (Meryle)

mom said...

1:30am? Probably somebody who just finished sewing a bumble bee costume for the school play, I'd guess.

Talk to her said...

I'd just be upfront with her about it and voice your concerns. She is likely to be open minded and talk to you about those concerns. It's okay if it isn't a right fit. But she also has the right to know why she is losing a potentially good nanny, and also that her neighbor is giving this information away behind her back.

Original poster said...

Just wanted to update everyone who has been kind enough to offer their opinion. I spoke with her last night and was very candid. I told her I found out what she did on her weekend nights and that my husband had misgivings. We had a very long chat and to make a long story short, she apologized for not being up front, and I will be sitting for her children tonight. I don't want to go into all the details but I'm glad we cleared the air. My DH and I now understand the circumstances that brought her to this point and he feels better about the situation. No, she does not plan to do this for the rest of her life.

I want to especially thank Your Supervisor, Meryl and the others like you. You guys really opened my mind, eyes and heart and showed me how judgmental people can be. Your opinions helped me and my DH understand why this woman would feel the need to lie. I have come to realize that any woman who is willing to do whatever it takes to feed, clothe and house her children has a great deal of strength and dignity and she is definitely to be admired.

I will definitely post an update after working for her for a while and let everyone know how it's working out

Thanks again!

mom said...

Wow OP, what a great post! And it sounds like your husband learned something very good too that softened his heart just a little bit.
I'm so glad to hear it worked out well for everybody.

Janet English said...

OP you are awesome. What a good way to deal with things.

Meryl must be going into a republican spin for "losing another good woman" in her unimportant opinion, and hopefully J with her "sour chonch" has made an OBGYN appointment by now.

Original poster said...

Thanks Guys.

And for the record I happen to be a Republican, and as such I took offense to Meryl's remark. Speak only for yourself please. I happen to be a free thinking individual who maintains certain conservative ideals while keeping an open mind. Not all of us think Rush Limbaugh is a god. :-D

Victoria Anne said...

So glad everything worked out for you OP.

Janet English- Thanks! I have been on this board for a bit now, but I think I am now official after being attacked by my first troll! LOL! BTW- Your wedding picture in your profile is amazing. I am getting married this fall myself!

mom said...

Original Poster,
Amen on that! I'm a Republican too (I'm sure that's no secret here)...but not the hate filled variety Meryl seems to think we need to be to part of the party.

Sheesh, why don't people realize that when they say ugly things they are NOT helping the group they CLAIM to represent? And that goes for both parties...and a lot of other groups too. If you're planning to sound ignorant...please don't mention any affiliation with any group that may have NORMAL people as a part of it. It embarrasses them needlessly.

mom said...

OK so I had to look too. Janet English, your photo is beautiful! And I Love the dress. I'm sure you took your hubby's breath away! Congratulations!

What beach is that?

Me said...

So she strips while using her own name? That seems unbelievable.

Janet English said...

I think Meryl formed her own republican party and ideas. You guys are right, I know many open-minded and kind republicans. And I think most of us here know that she does not speak for other republicans.

Thanks VA and Mom for the wedding picture compliments, that was sweet. We redid our vows in South Africa 4 weeks ago and it was amazing. (It was a blessing ceremony.) Goodluck with your upcoming nuptuals. It's so fun and it was the most relaxing day of my life- and you shouldn't stress about things because that ruins your day. My vendors loved how chill I was about everything from the shades of pink to the make-up and hair. I showed them a picture and just said do your best! You should blog about your wedding planning - plus that way I can comment there and not here to the annoyance of others. Sorry other people!

Janet English said...

Mom, I missed your question it's a greek resort beach in the west coast of south africa called The Waterfront.

DenevrNanny said...

"Oh where, O where do nasty trolls come from,
Oh why, Oh why can't they leave?"

Music class this morning...can't get the songs out of my head and it seemed to fit here...heehee

Not Lazy or immoral said...

Merl;
"we republicans will gladly, well not judge but just correct you lazy liberals by telling you what is and is not morally okay. You're so seriously decayed."

Maybe you should read a newspaper before spouting your holier than thou spiel. Have you heard of Bernnie Madoff? Eliot Spitzer?

cali mom said...

Hmmm. so Meryl thinks that it's "lazy" to perform ONSTAGE for money to support your family, but fine and dandy to get on welfare and any other social benefits available in order to "support" your family without having to work?

spitzer sucks said...

What in tarnation does that cocksucker Eliot Spitzer have to do with this post? He was a limousine liberal (married a rich woman and lived a life of luxury) and was a total freak who had whores poke his anus with a spiral curling iron while it was set to low. Oh yeah, and he paid $6,000. for this.

But ya I can see why liberals are aokay with sluts and whores, they make good use of them. Was that your point.

APATANI said...

Bernie Madoff was another scumsucking liberal douchebag. So what is your point? That liberals like Spitzer and Madoff know how to make money or that they know how to SCREW people for money>?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blah said...

Are you stupid or something? She's a stripper not a drug dealer or a prostitute! They leave work and that's it. When she comes home, she's a mom and a regular woman and the fact that she went through the trouble of checking your background and all means she wants someone nice for her kids and worries about them. You are not there to judge. You're there to work. So leave the nonsense for stupid people and do your job.

Manhattan Mamma said...

Blah, before you so freely direct the word stupid at others maybe you should try reading the OPs updates first.

She had spoken the the employer, cleared things up and had said she would go work for her starting last night.

j said...

OP made her decision. She is going to work for the dirty whore. I advise you to steal from her. She probably has lots of single dollar bills laying around. I would 'tax' her $19.00 a day for being a low life slut. But that's just me. That's how I roll.

UNIDAD said...

maybe strippers wouldn't have to do what they do if there weren't so many dang people in need of a blowjob! None of you are thinking of why stripping is such a well-paying job, it's because there are so many people out there that are pervs.

Original poster said...

Just wanted to let everyone know I sat for her last night and all went well. She paid me plus a generous tip and I'll be going back tonight. DH insists on dropping me off and picking me up the first few nights so I granted him that concession. He worries.
Her kids were great,very respectful and well-behaved. All in all, so far so good!

disgustamundo said...

Wait, why is it that no one wants a strip club in their neighborhood?

Keep your cum soaked money.

Entanglement with nasty whores never ends well. I hope she doesn't start asking you to launder her drawers. I doubt she wears them, but strippers have the damn nastiest weiner odor ever. I guess that happens when you shake your coochie in a man's face all night.

Disgusting!

mom said...

OP, good for you. I hope it continues to work out so well for all of you. And give your husband a hug. He sounds like a sweetie. It's nice that he worries about you...and also nice that he was willing to listen to your side of things and have an open mind too.

Adrea said...

As a former dancer, I find you to be very close minded. Dancers are not whores.

worlds best nanny said...

I'm sorry, I may have a rep of being the "bad ass nanny" but the language with this topic has made even me sick.

Manhattan Mamma said...

"...but strippers have the damn nastiest wiener odor ever."

So digustamundo what you are telling us you have intimate knowledge of what a wiener smells like...and what strippers underwear smell like. At least you chose an appropriate moniker.

UNIDAD said...

Manhattan mamma, You said it all.

cali mom said...

Disgustamundo, if you hate the smell of strippers' weiners so much, why do you go around smelling them all the time? Sounds like a weird fetish to me but hey, whatever floats your boat.

And it seems that stripping is "nasty" and makes one a nasty whore, but stealing is fine, and proves one's virtue to be better than another's? Is that another Republican thing, or just a stupid thing? And why are Spitzer stalkers hanging around a nanny board?

cali mom said...

Come to think of it, was that a stalker, or was that THE whore he paid to do him with the curling iron? Inquiring minds want to know.

j said...

I heard when the stripper used the curling iron, he used to ask her to open the clip while it was inside.

We'll have to read the book.

I think it's called Liberal Fuck Pillow.

cali mom said...

So how much did he used to pay you for that J?

deaf nanny said...

I had a nanny job for a stripper for 3 years. She was a single mom with a 4-7yr old. When I started working for her, she told em she was a bartender. But after 2 weeks, I figured it out on my own. I brought it up to her one night and we laughed it off. However, she never, not once, in 3 years, ever brought home a client. MOST single moms are smart enough not to bring home a guy from a strip club! I never had a problem in 3 years, except the one night she didn't come home because she chose to crash at a friend's house instead of driving drunk. She is now my best friend, like my sister. I really think you should rethink your decision to turn down the job just because she lied about being a stripper.

Not your average stripper said...

I used to be a stripper in my younger days...did it for years. Never drank, never did drugs, never slept with anyone I met in a strip club. I saw it as a job and I was there to make money.

I'll tell you something though, most strippers I have worked with are NOT average normal girls who are working their way through school. The majority are in abusive relationships, have a drug/drinking problem, children they can't take care of properly, abuse the welfare system, and are stuck in a downhill spiraling life. But ya know, they are not so different from a lot of so called "normal" people with "normal" jobs that I have met in my life.

Would I work for a stripper? Maybe. Would I trust my children with a stripper? Maybe. Both would depend on my relationship with that person and how I felt about their character.

Well, low and behold, I am happily married with beautiful children, own a beautiful home AND now I run my own DAYCARE. There are several people that only trust ME with thier children(friends and clients alike), many that come to ME for childraising advise. Do my clients know I used to be a stripper? Absolutely not...because what that word stamps in people's minds(sometimes for good reason)is not at all what I am about.

OP, you are a good person for seeing the mom for what she really seems to be instead of what her occupation lends itself.

Anyways, you all can have your general opinions about groups of people, just like I do, but when it comes to individuals and individual situations we need to look a little deeper before we judge.

chgonanny said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.