Physical description of caregiver: The caregiver was a manny. He was thin, looked kind of like Ed Begley junior, almost see through with super white skin. He looked kind of effeminate. Was wearing tan trousers, a light blue blue V neck sweater and a brown jacket open over it. The jacket was made out of nabuk (sp). The manny was about 22-24 years of age, and just under six feet tall.
Physical description of involved child/children: Two children, 3&5 are approximate ages. Both boys had blonde to brown hair. The young boy had a short, fresher hair cut and the older boy had a longer, intentional look. Both boys had super straight hair. The younger boy was wearing a camouflage puffer jacket and jeans and the older boy was wearing a silver and blue ski jacket with either dark blue pants or maybe jeans. Both boys had on brown shoes that looked suede and had black soles.
Address or venue of observed incident: Chester Heights Park in Eastchester, NY.
Date and time of incident: Approximately 2 PM today.
Detailed description of what you witnessed: I witnessed the male supervising the children pretty closely. I thought the way he touched the older boy seemed off. Guiding him, he who was more secure with his hand on the small of his back. Having him jump into his arms. I noticed this because the younger child got the proper amount of supervision, hands on (almost none, which he did not need). I looked and neither boy seemed to be or have special needs. The older boy never seemed unsteady. It was a little bit cold. At one point the manny put the older kid kind of inside his coat and hugged him tight for about two minutes. The boy was actually inside the coat. I couldn't say anything because there wasn't anything to say. I also noticed that the older child, who seemed awfully polite, also seemed almost consistently uncomfortable. He on more than one occassion tried to grab his brother and run off and play away from the manny. It was cold, so we didn't stay long. As I turned to look back at them on my way off, they too were readying to leave. I have never seen the children or manny before.
Description of vehicle, bag, stroller that may aid in identifying involved caregiver: There was no stroller. I did not see a bag or backpack of any kind.
48 comments:
Sorry, OP, but I think you have a dirty mind. You didn't describe anything that sounds even remotely inappropriate to me.
It could be a father also.
Hands on sounds more like it.
OP described children that were "uncomfortable" near this manny. Unnecessary touching. Warming an older boy inside his jacket.
Sounds just too creepy to me.
an effeminate father? ok.
Oh please, hands off. What is wrong with warming a 5 year old child inside your coat? Or having a 5 year old jump into your arms? If a woman had been doing this, people would be saying what a great nanny she is!
It doesn't sound like that horrible of a deal... maybe an alert and something to watch, but to me, it's like this manny was very hands on. I think if it were a female nanny, you wouldn't be concerned at all with what you described.
Yeah, but the world we live in. Anything is possible. It may be innocent. But its better to post in case its not. And you never know the parent could be a regular reader here. And may not feel comfortable with what was reported.
I don't think most people post here just to waste time. If it bothered the OP it could be a gut instinct. That something isn't right.
Nellicat, I agree completely. From all that OP has said, it sounds like a nanny interacting affectionately with children and trying to warm one of them up when it was cold. A five year old frequently will want to play in the cold without even a jacket or shoes, NOT want to have to stand still and snuggle for several minutes to get warm.
I agree. It could be nothing, but it made OP uncomfortable enough to post it. So, maybe the Parents could just be "on notice"? Also, if they're not talking to their children about what is and isn't appropriate, it's about that time to start!
I don't see this as a sighting.
Could it be that the OP was just uncomfortable with the idea of a male nanny and that's what the problem is? Maybe it's not the nanny but the OP......
Oh give me a break! i am so sick of people freaking out over male caregivers! There is nothing wrong with a man taking care of children and not all men are pedophiles. This world has to get past this nonsense, men can be loving caregivers just as woman can!
OP
Most are thinking you may be over-reacting because it was a male nanny. Could you please post back why you think what he was doing was wrong?
Although manny's creep me out, I think that you may have let his gender play a roll in the way you were percieving things. If it was a female then you probably wouldn't have thought anything of it.
I'm sorry OP, but if there was nothing to say then, I hardly think there is something to say here.
I understand being super careful these days, but still. It could be a father or even big brother, or a manny.
Wrapping a 5 year old up in your jacket isn't wrong at all. He was probably warmer than the manny with all the body heat he was getting.
Maybe the 5 year old is more accident prone, or more sensitive, than the smaller boy, so the manny was more careful with him.
I'm not sure, because I wasn't there to get a true gut feeling about this. But he sounds like my boyfriend playing with his nephews (minus the feminine part, which I am hoping you only added to help parents identify the manny.)
This one is hard for me to make an opinion one, just from the fact that I didn't get to see it. But it all sounds just fine to me.
I'm rolling my eyes at you OP. This post is a waste of space. I kiss all over my little girls and get them in my arms as MUCH as possible! He could have been an uncle or brother, etc! And even if he wasn't that isn't the point. The point here is YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST MEN.
Were you abused by a man when you were younger? I think you have some harbored, pent up issues towards men that you've never expressed. What was it EXACTLY that bothered you about this manny?
I will give OP the benefit of the doubt and think if it made OP feel uncomfortable to watch it, it might have been a bit off.
As a nanny I would never warm my charges inside my coat but that's just me.
Honest Nanny
And here I was thinking you had some really awesome posts, you go and make me think twice about it with this one:
"YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST MEN. Were you abused by a man when you were younger? I think you have some harbored, pent up issues towards men that you've never expressed."
That's truly messed up and hitting below the belt. I'm sure that would have nothing to do with what OP witnessed had she been abused in a past relationship with a man.
Not.Nice.
I just think there is something off about this sighting. I don't think he did anything wrong with the boys. I think we all just need to get used to the idea of mannies and men taking care of children in nowadays. Today I saw what appeared to be a grandfather with a little one in a baby carrier. It was nice to see that.
Is it possible that he is the father,brother or uncle of the older boy and not related to the younger one? Maybe that's why he was closer to him.
Honest Nanny you sound like a real bitch. I don't know if you just don't get out much or are just in denial, but last time I checked kids are being molested and abused everyday by men. How many pedophile women do you know? When is the last time you heard of a women touching a child inappropriately? I'm not saying it has never happened but its extremely rare. So don't get all judgemental and high and mighty because it made her un-comfortable to see a man touch a child in a way that she thought was off.
There is a big difference between a nanny and a manny, men and women are made different. Woman are maternal and caring, empathetic and loving (most of them anyway). While men on the other hand are full of testosterone and don't have the patience or instincts like a woman (most of them anyway) I myself would never higher a man to take care of my children unless I knew this man like I know my husband or my Father, or brother. Because when it comes down to it, I am already taking a risk by leaving my child with someone, why my the risk even riskier by leaving them with a man?
While I don't think that there is anything negligent or weird about this sighting, I can also appreciate the OP's posting. I think people need to let up and stop criticizing so much. Obviously, the OP felt the need to post and I hope all of the negative comments do not prevent or intimidate people from further postings even if a lot of people disagree!!!! Thanks OP for the sighting!
Lindsay:
While I don't think what Honest Nanny said was very nice, it's a bit ignorant to think that women molesters are "extremely rare".
It is not extremely rare. It is not as common as men, but it is not "extremely rare."
Women doing it isn't "rare".
I see it all the time on the news.
But for some reason it isn't seen as equal, when a teacher is sleeping with her 9 year old male student, as if a man is with a 9 year old girl.
Its a complete double standard, and all the kids suffer the same.
oh, brother!
"Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; women commit approximately 14% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls."
Ok so let me re-phrase that. Its pretty rare for a women to molest a child.
If I had witnessed the manny interacting with just the five year old, I may not have thought much of it. There was a younger child who the manny seemed not interested in. The resemblance of the two boys more than suggested they were boys. Like I stated, it didn't just make me uncomfortable. The boy was being polite, but he kept going off far away from the manny. He was not comfortable. And he didn't need the help. If his three year old brother was at some points jumping down, why was the manny trying to catch just the five year old?
I have nothing against mannies or men who take care of children. I don't give a rat's ass about statistics. I am talking about one incident that I witnessed.
Baker, my daughter's father is effeminate...trust me, it occurs.
thats funny, if a women acted this way you wouldn't have thought twice.
Maybe I was being a bit rash with what I posted, and I do apologize, OP for my rudeness. I have a background in Psychology and many times women who have been abused by men in the past (whether it be sexual, physical, verbal, or mental) tend to transfer their feelings inappropriately.
The only thing I found slightly inappropriate about this sighting was in reference to the children's attitude towards the man, but even then that could be thrown out with "the kids were having an off day."
and Lindsey, the rate of pedophile women and women rapists is going UP, not down. Men and women are capable of any sort of abuse, people need to be VERY CAUTIOUS and VERY DILIGENT in checking out background and references. but even if it's never been reported (*cough* most women abuse cases) doesn't mean it isn't happening.
again, you are right Best Seller, I was hitting below the belt. Apology sent out to you OP.
Honest Nanny,
Do me a favor and change your moniker to ignorant Nanny. I have more than a background in psychology and everything you said is incorrect.
In truth, women who have been abused are more perceptive about abusers. These women are always on alert. I won't say more because I am not going to began an argument with some blow hard on line.
To the OP,
Regardless of who you are and what your background is, I believe what you saw made you uncomfortable. T he question is, does the manny show such preference for the five year old in front of the parents? Does the five year old have a relationship where he can say "I don't like manny's touching me". Likely not. Maybe, just maybe the parents of this child are watching.
* And regarding touching, no child has to endure uncomfortable touching by any person. The rule truly is HANDS OFF.
now who's the bitch?
I 100% professionally disagree with you Stigma. Good thing we don't work in the same practice.
Honest Nanny,
Those in my practice require more than a background. By background, I assume you received a c+ in psychology 101.
Kudos, to you.
But don't quit your day job.
why don't people ever assume that this could be a uncle, older brother or other male connection to the family. My husband's brother takes our son out and since he doesn't get to see him much will push for affection. My son is in a super independence phase and won't even let me snuggle or be affectionate with him.
and p.s. it's not all that uncommon for a relative to be closer to the first born esp. if its their first nephew, grandson, godson, etc.
My husband's best friend has two boys my husband often take out. As bad as it sounds, my husband is naturally closer to the older son because he is his godfather and has longer to bond with him.
"In truth, women who have been abused are more perceptive about abusers. These women are always on alert."
ANYONE who has been abused has the potential to become an abuser. Just because women make up 14% doesn't mean it's rare. It's not rare. 14%? And that's only out of the cases that have been FOUND. Do you know how much harder it is to blame a WOMAN for sexual misconduct? Society will always think that men are more likely to do it. There is a MAJOR double-standard in our society when it comes to this.
And really, you do sound like a snotty little bitch. Honest Nanny apologized and agreed with you about hitting below the belt. You seem to be the one on a high horse. People who get defensive like you are, are people who have been abused or bullied and are trying to hide it by bullying someone else to make themselves feel like they're worth something. Just remember that.
This isn't even the point of this post. This post is about a manny sighting, not how qualified any of us are to say whether OP has been abused or has a hatred for men.
Get back on topic.
OP, if you had a gut feeling that something was wrong, go with your gut feeling. None of us were there. You can tell when children are uncomfortable, it is visibly clear, and if they looked uncomfortable, they may have been. If you see them again, maybe strike up a conversation with the manny and find out whether he's family, a manny, etc. Hopefully the parents see this and if they are concerned, they will take action.
14% and 6% qualify as rare! It's plain and simple, men are more likely to abuse then women. You two keep saying that we must be abused, well I am thinking that maybe your father or grandfather abused someone because you are both getting really defensive when it comes to accussing men. Go's both ways huh? Although I wouldn;t oubt that honest nanny and seatle are the same person.
We are in fact NOT the same person.
While it is true men are more likely, we are just merely trying to point out that women DO abuse, and most times it IS under-reported.
If the OP felt something "off" here then good for her for reporting it - hopefully more information can be obtained in regards to this "manny" either by the parents should they happen to come across this or the OP if she meets him again.
Anonymous said,
"why don't u find out who those childrens parents are and alert them as well as the authorities.......maybe they might just have sum 411 on this guy, u nva no"
it's too bad that things have to be this way. men can be such great influences on kids, especially boys.
i usually think people overreact, but if the boy seemed uncomfortable, that's a bad sign.
:(
I have some thoughts on this, but I don't want to get into any long winded debates with anyone over it.
To OP:
I commend you for this posting. I do not believe it was a waste. The child seeming uncomfortable to me is reason enough.
However, I would caution you on being too vigilant, or better put, over interpreting what you saw. Report what is observed, but go no further and I think you did well on this example. But I thought it worth mentioning no less.
Parents don't operate in a "watch mode", they take action. Having been hurt by this before, it can be devastating to a good nanny.
* I'm male, but my dictionary doesn't have manny and defines nanny as gender neutral. I embrace the word.
It took me months to recover, so many self reviews of, "How could they think it possible..."
In defense of that family, they admitted that I was in their words "getting a raw deal", but I was out of a job still.
Honest Nanny:
Your earlier attacks, regardless of how much you've apologized for them after, have ruined your credibility in this thread irrevocably.
I would suggest pushing back from the table, and not revisiting this topic. Take a deep breath and come back on a different topic.
It's not worth getting worked up about.
Lindsey:
Actually as far as sexual and physical abuse goes, more and more recent research suggests men and women are on par with one another.
This isn't to say that men aren't naturally programmed to be a little more aggressive, but rather that the acts may occur at the same rate, if less serious.
The problem is society doesn't expect either, and this coupled with the often less serious nature of the offense has led to considerable under reporting of offenses involving female caregivers. Misinformation doesn't help either.
Trust me, all I do with my free time is sit around reading anything I can get my hands on and this is the latest stuff.
In addition to that, I take offense to your declaration that you would never hire a man to care for your children and would point to this out and reemphasize this position of yours to anyone reading.
I care for the children in my care very much, have infinite patience for anything they do, am most compatible with infants and younger children, twin experience included, and my aggressive male tendencies would only ever be aimed at anyone or anything that would ever harm them.
On top of that, I've seen plenty of female nannies get especially impatient with their charges over the smallest things. I'm often terrified by the horror stories here on ISYN.
All said however, I believe your heart is in the right place. We all just want the children to be safe.
To all:
Let us calm down. OP was only trying to do good.
Best wishes. :)
* Just read the revised ISYN Comment Policy and learned that my Anonymous post would go. My apologies for reposting. :)
I'll add to the group asking how you know this wasn't a male relative. My boyfriend is extremely hands-on with his 4 yo daughter, hugging and doting on her, snuggling her to warm her and doing most of the things you described. Her uncle does the same.
im agreeing with nellicat. first off you were saying he was holding him in the jacket. err you ddi say it was cold
as for uncessary touching? err. how? did he touch their genital areas in a very innaporpriate way or that such. ill bet if you saw them in the bathroom and he was helping the 3 year old wipe youd say it was innappropriate as well cause he was a guy. its sickos like you that make my job very very hard to do or get a job.
AND erics mom, there are hundereds of female nannies that do this very thing, but its not REPORTED because its nothing more than well doing what a caring nanny does. whats your pioint?
and calimom, one of the five year olds i work with who happens to be a girl will come up tome and want to be snuggled if she is cold. oh so what am i to ignore her? wow another sicko
furthermore lyndsy, RARE does not mean ignore or that it doesnt happen. it still means it happens. And its your type of negligent thoughts that make people not belive that, that types of things happen, and its the reason why they dont get reported as much because of the fact that well who would belive a female would molest/rape a young child?
ask that question and then look up sarah slicker and then tell that very same thing to johnathan davis who was raped at age 6 also tell it to the kids i worked with at childrens hospital of LA who were molested violently by both males and females. all were under 8 btw.
furthermore females are more emphatheic, patient and caring than males are? suuuree i mean those child abusing females are sooo all that huh.. also if a male wanted to get into child care like this man or myself who both of us are caring does that mean we are child molesters because we are just as caring?! wow thats very sick and perverted!
also five year olds constantly go off far, after all they are kids. my charges do that often and they are 18months, 4 and 5! you have never seen a male before and like lyndsy are very sterotypical and its very sad that people like you and lyndsy are the ones that prepetuate that sterotype sooo mcuh that females are more nurturing and its very rare that females molest etc. etc. you make children fear men. its really sad and i feel very sorry for your children.
Mr. Nanny, I suspect you have been here before. And once again, you are confusing me in this thread with someone else. I see nothing wrong with a nanny snuggling a child under their coat if it's cold. Show me where I suggested a nanny should ignore a child who wanted to get warm.
calimom A five year old frequently will want to play in the cold without even a jacket or shoes, NOT want to have to stand still and snuggle for several minutes to get warm.
Jan 23, 2009 5:53:00 PM
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