Received Sunday, November 23, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Should I be concerned that my nanny is covertly taking photos of my child? We hired our nanny six months ago to watch our infant, and she had excellent references and a clear child abuse/criminal background check. She's been a pleasure to us and our baby loves her. The other day, my husband came home early and walked into the family room where Nanny was taking a photo of our baby. Nanny seemed like she was taken off guard and pushed the camera away so as to hide it. My husband didn't say anything to her at the time, and now I'm left wondering how to broach the subject. I feel weird about this, because on the one hand, we didn't catch her doing anything that is clearly inappropriate or hurtful, but on the other hand, why is she secretly taking photos of my baby? Should I be concerned about this? What do you think is the best way to sensitively and effectively bring this up to Nanny?
50 comments:
She might have been taking a picture of the baby for you for christmas. I have done that before, it is probably nothing.
You probably have a cute baby and she was just taking a pic or two to show to her friends and/or family. I have a cell phone and took a few pics of my kids, show them to my friends, then delete them. I guess I feel like they are so adorable that I want my friends to see how cute they are as well. I would take it as a compliment.
It probably is all innocent considering the nice things you said about your nanny, however if you do want to clear the air, then you can discuss it with the nanny. Keep it light and try not to make it a big deal. Trust your gut. If she has a reason other than the one I stated, then yes it may mean something else. But I wouldn't make such a big deal about it. Nowadays, people have cameras on their phones and could take a pic of your baby at the park.
The very first thing that came to mind was she is doing an art project for you guys for Christmas maybe like a scrap book.
If you don't think it's that then the best course of action is to be blunt with her. Tell her your husband caught her taking picture of your child and you are wondering why she is taking pictures.
I wouldn't worry about it. I used to take pictures of my charge all the time, especially after I got a new camera. Next time you or your husband see your nanny taking pictures of the baby, I would just say something like "Oh, did you get any cute ones?" and see how she reacts.
do you really think your nanny is doing something horrid with these pictures? You need to trust the lady who watches your kids. Its okay that a nanny takes a picture of a child they see everyday. They are a part of their life and unless you're honestly considering that this girl is doing bad things with these pics, then talk to her. otherwise, don't fret too much about it.
I'm a nanny and I have taken pictures of the children I've cared for. I know that sometimes parents might not be comfortable with it and they may get the "wrong idea". Anytime I have done it was just to show my family and close friends. They are always wondering about the kids, so it's great to be able to show them pictures of my "work" life. I'm assuming she was just startled and worried that you and your hubby would be concerned with her taking your baby's picture. I really wouldn't worry. The only tiny concern I would have is if she is publicly posting pictures of your baby, such as on social networking sites or something... if that is the case, she should definitely have your permission before doing so. Otherwise, I honestly wouldn't worry about it all.
The secrecy is weird, but the picture taking isn't. I take tons of pictures of my charges. The parents love it. I send photos by email to them at work, it makes them feel included in our day.
I agree that the picture taking may be completely innocuous, but the secrecy is what I find unnerving.
I agree that the secrecy seems a bit odd. The mom I work for was a bit freaked out at first that I took pics of her kids, but I was doing it just as a fun game for the kids. They'd make funny faces and then I'd show them the photos on my phone. Any especially funny/cute photos I'd save and email to her and tell her I will not be emailing them to anyone else or posting them on any websites. That put her at ease.
I'm surprised she hasn't mentioned anything to you. Perhaps you could confront her nicely, by asking her to send you/make doubles for you of any good shots.
It very common for nannies to do some kind of picture project for the parents for Christmas. That would explain the secrecy.
I took photos of the kids I nanny for once and I felt soo guilty about it! I just think they are adorable and I enjoy photography and they made such cute subjects but I felt like I was doing a bad thing because of the way people get over that whole thing these days.
If the parents had walked in on me I'd have hidden my camera too and been really ashamed but truthfully I did it out of pure joy of taking some snapshots and the kids loved it.
Agreed. Holiday project. If you want to broach the subject, a better way to do it would be to say something like...
I find that I am really busy with work, and other things, and was curious if you could snap some pictures of baby so that I can send them off to my parents. You can just put them all on to a CD and then I can print them off and send them away!
This is of course if you are OK with her taking pictures. I have always taken pictures of my nanny kids. ALWAYS. My bosses have never had an issue with it.
My guess is, that she will say something along the lines of I was taking some pics the other day of her, and am working on a surprise for you guys for the holiday. At least thats what I would say if approached.
I wouldnt worry too much. Plus this way... she can snap tons of pics for you, and all you had to do was ask! ;)
I think was she so secretive about it because she probably knows that parents freak out when pictures are taken of their kids. I really wouldn't worry about it, but if you're really still concerned, just ask her.
chgonanny makes a good point. I know I wouldn't want photos of my son to end up on some Website or Blog, so if that is a concern for you, then you should ask. Hopefully, as others have suggested, it is just a Christmas project.
I'd just ask her about it. I seriously take more pictures of my charges than their parents do. I love the kids to pieces, and like to show them off to my family and friends. I put all of the pictures on disks for their parents, and they love getting the disks. We have also done art projects with their pictures especially around the holidays. Maybe she hid the camera because she was planning a Christmas surprise for you.
I took pictures of my charges all the time, the parents actually appreciated it, they got to see what thier child was doing during the day. And when mom would go out with us, she loved it even more cause she was now in the pics with her kid, instead of always behind the camera. I also took my charge and had professional pics taken on my dime to give the parents a nice present. they cried when i gave it to them.
As a hobby photographer I am appalled at the automatic suspicion everyone has of someone w/ a camera around kids - particularly kids they are close with. I know there are creeps in this world but lets be realistic - what is the worst that can happen from a fully clothed pic of your kid. Get over yourselves.
what do you think this young woman is really going to do with photos of your baby?
so you wouldn't want photos of your kid ending up on some kind of website or blog right?
hmmm...something for people to think about before you take a photo of a "bad" nanny.
Grrrr: It's not the activity that arouses suspicion; it's the secrecy. Anything shrouded in secrecy tends to do that.
Interesting: I hope you are able to differentiate between posting a photo of an adult involved in a suspicious activity on the web, and a non-relative posting photos of an infant.
All:
I haven't made any assumptions about Nanny's behavior, other than to say that the secrecy is unsettling to me. If it turns out to be part of a project/gift, then I'll be glad to have never said anything rude. If I don't see that project/gift, though, I will wonder why the Nanny is secretly photographing my child. To those who said they did it secretly because parents are weird about it, I find that, too, unsettling. As a professional employee, why would you think it OK to be covert in doing something that you suspect that your employer-parents would be troubled with?
Hi Op. I see that you since replied. Since you didn't see her do anything you don't know exactly how she acted. I wonder if she was just caught off guard that he came home. What do you mean that she pushed the camera away, was it not in her hand? I think to bring it up now would be weird, especially since you weren't there. You're husband just should of said something, like, oh I'm sorry I caught you off guard or something like that.
Honestly, I don't see why taking pictures of your charges is a problem. If you are close to them you are proud of them and may just want to show them off. I am not a full time nanny but I have baby-sat all through high school and college and I am now in grad school. I have always taken pictures of "my kids" and their parents love it! I have actually taken photography classes before so sometimes they request it. They have pictures framed of me at their houses and I have pictures of their kids at mine. So I guess I just don't see an issue with it if it is just someone taking a picture.
Of course there would be instances and situations that it would not be okay. But really maybe she was just caught by surprise.
I say Christmas gift....
christmas gift. totally.
We all take pics of the kids we care for, I have tons of them, sometimes we take pics of each other with my phone while we're waiting in a line. It's nothing to worry about.. she probably played it off like that because she thought you might think it was silly that she was taking pictures. If this is your biggest concern about her, you're lucky.
I think you should nonchalantly and totally randomly be like "hey, any chance you have any cute recent pictures of ****** because my desk could really use an update and I haven't gotten around to taking any new good ones."
Wait until Christmas and see if you get a photo gift. If not, that is the time to think of this again. But she may just like your baby. May daughter has pictures of some of her favorite little kids that she watches in the church nursery. She shows them to her friends at school and they ooh and ahhh over the little darlings. (Although the pictures she has have been taken by me in the presence of the parents. I too feel a little weird about photographing people's kids.)
I would not worry about it. You probably will see that photo at Christmas. If not you could always say something after the holidays, as in - My husband saw you taking photos of the baby and I have to say I was pretty excited to think that you might have given us a photo. If you do snap photos of the baby please include me as someone who would like to have the pictures also. Kids grow quickly and I would love to these keepsakes of my little sunshine.
She was entering your kid in an ugly baby contest. That was very rude of her.
Clearly the nanny is trying to steal their souls.
OMG the ugly baby contest is a riot!
I often take pics of my charges, they are cute! BUT, during interviews and at the beginning of employment, I always ask about taking pictures and I usually put all my pics onto a CD or email them to MB. In fact, in a previous family, thats how I started scrapbooking for the family and 5 years later, I'm still doing it for them even though no longer employed.
I think photos etc should be discussed at the beginning of employment.
OP,
Sorry but you sound a little hypocritical. You would think it was okay to post pictures of a stranger but you wouldn't want someone doing it to your child?
So to you, adults don't deserve privacy?
How could someone so overprotective and paranoid say something so disrespectful regarding respecting someone else's privacy?
I agree with an above poster: get over yourself.
Get over myself, really? Because I am uncomfortable with my employee secretly taking photos of my infant inside of my home? I recognize that the first amendment protects the right of people to take photos in public, but that's very different than someone who I entrust my child's care to taking her pictures covertly in my living room.
I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought if she did it out in the open.
In my opinion, OP, if you have problems with your nanny, whom you say you trust yada yada yada, then perhaps you really arent ready to have someone else watch your child? I mean, really. All my nanny friends and I take photos of our charges whether their parents are there or not. Lighten up.
The ugly baby comment made me smile. When my youngest was a baby, my nanny, who loves to take pictures of my kids--especially "her baby boy"--suggested entering one of the pics she took of him in a cute kid contest. She filled in the application, and we submitted it (a parent had to give permission for the photo). Guess what? The pic won and she got $2500, I got to add a newspaper clipping of the winning pic to his scrapbook, and we both got bragging rights. Talk to her directly about it, no need to feel weird. We always told our nanny we were fine with her taking pictures with our family for her personal use (we have pics of her all over our family albums) but she should not share them without discussing with us just as we would not share photos of her publicly.
Shes probably going to give you a lovely picture for christmas. I've done this many times for the families i've worked for.
Some of you are being really mean. OP is not a horrible person..she just asked a question. And this is her child, so she has every right to be concerned...even if something just doesn't feel right. Sometimes the gut is the best source of information we have...and sometimes even better than the outward facts.
She just asked our opinion about whether she should worry...not about our assessment of her as a human being...especially without our knowing anything whatosever about her to boot!
Still OP, I would wait until Christmas to see if a photo gift materializes.
OP is there more issues you have with her that you are not mentioning? I don't think people are being mean, just really trying to figure things out.
You keep coming back and seem obviously upset so I wonder if there are underlying issues. Maybe I am just different but I see no problem with taking a picture of a child you care for and who you are obviously close with.
I mean if they were in the bathtub or something like that then it would obviously be a completely different story and should probably be fired immediately.
But honestly if you are that uncomfortable just ask her why she tried to hide taking the picture? It may be a complete misunderstanding and she didn't think she was hiding it or did anything wrong in anyway shape or form. If I was her I would rather someone bring it to my attention then post about something I may have done innocently enough on a blog.
Now the one thing you mentioned previously that I do not understand is this:
"As a professional employee, why would you think it OK to be covert in doing something that you suspect that your employer-parents would be troubled with?"
It is basically saying that you do have a problem with her taking pictures of your child- either in secret or when you know. Now it is your choice, but when someone like a nanny becomes as close as they do to your child, probably seeing them more than some family, I don't see why it would be so weird for them to want a picture. Now this is obviously my opinion but I think it would be weird for random people to be taking pictures of your children, but for someone to take a picture who cares for your children every day and loves your child, I don't see that.
I'm not a nanny but I babysit all the time. I always take pictures of the kids (although I always show them to the parents) and the parents are always asking me for copies.
I guess since it obviously bothers you just ask her why she was hiding it from your husband. She may not have felt that way at all and may have something completely different to say. The only way you will know is ask her and it will probably make you feel better. If you approach it in the right way, I don't think she will take offense.
When I was a nanny I always took pics of my charge. She was adorable. I didn't hide it really but I can't say I even did it right infront of the parents. My family used to love to see pictures of her. She was my job. What is wrong with that?
Posting them online might be another story though. I just had them for my private use.
Anonymous said...
In the past, I've snuck in pictures of my charges when the parents weren't looking so that I could frame them and make a birthday, Christmas, Anniversary gift etc. Often, especially with children, it takes quite a few snapshots to catch a good picture. Maybe she didn't want to show you what was on the camera because she wanted the picture to be a surprise.
Don't worry too much.
6:39 AM
AND
Anonymous said...
I just posted saying "Don't worry too much", but after a second thought, if you are afraid that the pics are ending up on myspace or facebook... you may want to broach the subject of facebook or myspace in a nice way and let her know that you don't want that.
I have pictures of me and my charges on facebook, but I have the parent's permission (I always ask) and I have all of my photo albums set to "private - only friends". And I'm only "friends" on facebook with people I know (unlike some who seem to be in a competetion to see how many friends they can get).
6:43 AM
YOU FORGOT TO USE A MONIKER!
I haven't read all the comments, but I have to date taken over 700 photos (counted by my employer) of my charges in my little over a year with them.
Most of the pictures are taken in secrecy, and are used for various things for them.
Frankly now that I think about it I could not work for anyone who had issues with my taking pictures of their children who I care for, because frankly that would mess up my work and I do not take kindly to my work being messed up.
In fact, I plan my days to do most things secretly because I love the element of surprise. I always seem to have one up my sleeves, and that is the only reason I cannot give full disclosure at times to my employers, but I surely tell them after I reveal my work how much they are getting on my nerves with the constant questions sometimes, and that when I give a curt answer they should just let it be. Of course they trust me (wouldn't work there otherwise) because distrust messes up the plans I have for my charges really.
I am shocked that parents are uncomfortable with the picture taking, this is my first time hearing that, but I'll just stay away from those families for sure. Paranoia does not bode well with me.
Of course I do see the point now but all my employers love receiving all these pictures from me that they could not otherwise have captured.
If you trust your nanny, and you should, be thankful she's creating memories for you.
I say thank God I have never had a nervous employer and I get to express my creativity, otherwise I would not be in this field.
We had a child care provider who kept pictures of kids she took care of and made a photo album to show to potential employers. I didn't like it that much, but there were other problems with her that were a bigger deal and got her dismissed.
OP, do you think its *possible* that the nanny has come to love and treasure the baby and takes photos for this reason? Or to show her family the lovely little baby that she spends so much of her waking hours with? Darn her - perhaps she's not the Nanny-o-Matic model 2.0 you ordered. Turns out she's human after all! Better send her back for a refund.
Like, seriously, wtf.
Nanny-o-Matic model 2.0
Hehe.
Gripe-zila
Funny, not sure what's wrong with these parents.
Frankly, if you're that paranoid you should probably take care of your own kids.
All my family knows about my charges and gets pictures of them, not even from me but from my employer, but when I visit I take a ton of pictures to show.
Paranoia just about turns me off.
Admittedly, there are many different types of parents out there, you just have to filter them out at the interviews.
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all, clearly I'm not cooking today.
I wouldn't worry about this at all. During the time I was a nanny I literally took HUNDREDS of photo's of the kids I took care of. This is partly because I enjoy photography but mostly it was because just as you as parents want lots of photo's of your kids, I as a nanny who grew so close to her charges wanted to capture those memories too.
I was lucky in that the mother actually very much appreciated my photo's of the kids (in fact she even used some photo's i took for her for their Christmas card that year) and she used to ask for copies of a lot of the ones I took.
There were times though when I was taking photo's of the kids though that she wouldn't have known about. I have no doubt she would not have minded at all. But I can imagine that if she had walked in on me doing it I might have felt a little caught off guard.
To be honest - if you don't feel you are seeing "red flags" from this nanny than let this pass. As a lot of people are saying - perhaps she was just taking some photo's for a Christmas book or something. Or maybe she was just a little unsure about how you would take her already being attached enough to your child to want to take photo's.
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