Received Wednesday, November 26, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I have a question, I could use any advice you could spare.
Okay, a few months ago I accepted a job as a very part-time nanny for a toddler. For the record, I live in CA and only worked 2 days per week, 4 hours a day. The drive is about 25 minutes one way and I only made $10/hour, which netted me $80/week. Yes, I know...it was a low-paying job anyway. Anyhow, initially when she hired me, she had a neighbor watching the child 4 days a week, but told me she wanted me to watch the child two days a week, since she got home an hour later twice a week and wanted the child to stay on a nap schedule.
One day I asked her if she had a back-up plan in case I was ill or had a flat tire, etc. She said she would have the neighbor baby-sit, but the neighbor was moving in a month. Then a month later, she told me the neighbor was not moving after all. Okay...no red flags here. Fast forward 2 months into the job and I started feeling something iffy for some reason. The child now goes to preschool the two days I do not watch her and I still had my two days as well. Also it should be noted that sometimes the child does not nap on her regular schedule and the mother just shrugs it off as no big deal at all. Well, last week the mother informed me her child's preschool would be closed this whole week for Thanksgiving and I offered to watch her child for the four days it was closed since I need the extra money now. (I am a single mother). My employer said that she would ask the neighbor to watch her for the two days her child usually went to pre-school and if she could not, she would ask me. Well, I felt like she almost preferred to have the neighbor lady watch her child and was slightly offended. She even told me that if I was busy, then she could have the neighbor watch her child for the whole week. For the record, I never indicated I would be busy this week. So I don't know why she would offer to have the other lady help her out instead of me.
Coincidentally, I was registering for classes for next semester this weekend (I am also a student), and emailed her to see what days/times she would need me next semester. She emailed me back saying that she did not have her classes assigned yet (she is a college professor), but that her classes would probably be in the morning when her child would be in pre-school. She said she would use me if she needed back-up.
Okay here's my problem. She never told me this would be a temp job. She only asked me to commit AT LEAST until December when the semester ended. When was she going to let me know? After much thinking, I think this is what happened. I think she initially hired me because she thought the neighbor lady who was already watching her child was moving in a month. That way, she could use me until her daughter went to pre-school and for the two days she didn't. Then when she found out the neighbor wasn't moving, she felt bad letting me go and kept me on even though she probably didn't really want to.
Okay, after I figured this one out, I emailed her to say that I could not work anymore. I wanted to give her an easy way out by not having to fire me and I expected a nice email back saying that everything would be okay and she had her neighbor to help out still. I thought I was doing her a favor by firing myself and relieving her of the duty. But weird....she never replied or called me and she usually is good with her responses. I get the impression she is angry at me for quitting so abruptly.
Now I am wondering...did I overreact? Maybe she did want me and I was wrong? Or could she just be embarrassed because I finally figured it all out? Please any advice. Thank you.
P.S. I know in hindsight, I should have been more open and just approach it directly....but now what??!
20 comments:
Ok, my initial reaction to your post was, "huh"?
But I went and had a cup of coffee and read it over again. I'm sorry, it wasn't a very coherent post, but you're probably a bit anxious over what happened. However, I'm not so sure you overreacted. From what you describe, this Mom didn't really treat you properly. I got the sense that she kind of "used" you only when it suited her needs. That's not right. If you go through the trouble of hiring a nanny to care for your child, why not employ her to watch your child all of the time?
I have no idea what was up with this Mom, but you probably nailed it.. she only brought you in because she thought the neighbor was moving.
And, speaking of moving, you should just move on.. and find another job.
However, may I suggest next time you not quit in an e-mail, and even if they haven't been all that fair, be sure to still give some notice.
Good luck. I hope you are treated more respectfully at your next job.
I would email her pretty much what you wrote in the post to clarify your feelings are not hard feelings, but that you see where she's coming from. I think that is very mature of you to see through the situation for it really is, and not be completely hostile about it (which I probably would be).
I would try to patch things up so you can get a reference from her. You should try looking in the education dpt of your college for babysitting flyers. That is how I got my college nanny job and babysitting gigs. People post on the bulletins around the education wings. Those are the best jobs bc they realize you have school commitments to fit into your schedule.
Good luck!
No over-reaction. OP interpreted the situation correctly and was right to dust the fool.
When I read your post I thought you were working for a scatterbrain, but at the very end you mention she is a college prof. I would expect her to be a bit more organized with her child, if not her classes. I think you were a bit pouty, but not without reason. I think you should have said what you said here as opposed to abruptly quitting. If you don't clear this up, don't expect a good letter or rec. or if you put her on a job application who knows what she may say. In the future before you act rashly by firing yourself you may want to ask yourself - Will I need something from this person in the future? Is this how I would want someone to treat me? If you stand by the way you handled it, alrighty then, but from your post, I believe you don't so mend it the best you can. Good Luck.
Is she paying the neighbor to watch her child, and if so, is it less than you? My first reaction was that maybe the neighbor is cheaper. The only thing is that maybe she feels more comfortable with the neighbor and it's more convenient.
That's not to say that she really treated you fairly. But, as a nanny myself, by her saying "at least until Dec" does suggest the idea that it may be a temporary position. That's pretty much saying, "we'll see what happens after December".
If I were you, I'd let it go. You already quit and you already found out she doesn't need you anymore. So, there's not much left to work out.
Hey OP--
I "got" your post right away! I think we are cutfrom the same cloth! Anyhow, I think your gut is pretty right on. However, the reason for not using you on the two extra days may be money on her end... non-faculty/tenured profs aren't "rolling it" anymore than the res of us are! Anyhow-- here are a few ideas for you to find another temp job:
seekingsitters.com
care.com
enannysource.com
Seeking sitters is great. You are baisically an independant contractor... set your own schedule, deduct work related expenses, gas etc...
good luck!
Whew! For the record, again....I love this website and it has been a Godsend when I need someone to turn to for advice. I don't have any other friends or colleagues I can turn to for advice and this sure has saved my sanity! Thank you guys for the great advice. I appreciate it.
Now I know that I did not overreact, however I agree w/those that say I should and could've handled it better. I agree. I wish I had. But hey...isn't life full or regrets? J/K.
P.S. I am sorry it was so long to read. You're right, Park Slope...I was a bit anxious but now can rest assured I was not imagining the whole thing.
I think you were in the wrong for quitting suddenly.
You should indeed have spoken to her before driving yourself crazy;)
She also said "at least until December". You knew this when you took the job. This means you agreed to stay until december but you left.
What's done is done. You can't expect your former employer to be happy with you after that, can you? Move on, get a new position, don't give your former employer as a reference and try to confront your employer if you have problem next time:)
It is pretty obvious that she only had you for when the neighbor (who was probably watching her kid for FREE) couldn't do it.
And while that stinks on her part, you should have never quit on the spot like that and through email!
I'll have to re-read the post, but I am confused as to where the problem lies. Why shouldn't she have a neighbor care for her child part time? You don't say she told you she wanted you FT and then only had you work PT hours. It's one week away from December, and you quit in a huff because she didn't have you work a couple of days this week, the final week of November? Huh? Sorry if I am missing something, I will attempt to understand this better.
And I doubt her neighbor was putting in that many hours of babysitting for free?
OK, I still don't see the problem. You were PT temporary, and you are PO'd because you were PT and temporary?
Macaroni and Cheese, I do not agree that OP had to keep her word on the agreement to work until December if she was lied to from the get go. A contract would only be valid if both sides were being honest and upfront and it looks like the employer hired OP without telling her she was hired only as a back-up since she thought her neighbor was moving. If she had told OP the truth about why she was being hired, and OP agreed to stay until December, then I agree that she should have kept her word. But since she was lied to and hired under false pretenses, then I would not hold her to her part of the agreement.
OP, you should have at least called your employer to cancel, but I do see why you thought you were doing her a favor by quitting. She was wrong in not disclosing the whole story to you from the start, but you should have called her instead of emailing, I think.
She probably knows what she did was wrong, and yet at the same time feels better passing the blame on to you so she is going to be the one who acts like it was your fault only and not accept responsibility for lying to you and that is why she is not responding to you. She wants to seem like she has not done anything wrong and make you look like the bad one.
I hope you both learned a valuable lesson from this and can move on.
Anonymous said...
The really strange part...she's a professor and doesn't know her teaching schedule. Heck, I'm one too and I know each class I'm teaching through spring 2010 including the time/day of week and room assignments. Yeah, she's messing with you.
9:14 PM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS
LANanny,
OP was hired to care for the child 2 days a week and until she quit, she WAS still caring for the child 2 days. The neighbour babysits the other 2 days. That means her previous employer DID keep her word (the original schedule was 2 days/week) . What the employer did not do is clarify if this was a permanent or temporary position but employer did ask OP to "commit til at least December" .
Sorry, but I think OP overeacted. Besides, how hard is it to ASK her previous employer straight out "You told me I should commit until December. Do you need me after that because if you don't, I'll have to start looking for a new position. I hope you understand. " and I'm sure she'd have understood.
Macaroni and Cheese, I do see your point in that OP must keep her word, but I tried to put myself in the situation and honestly if someone lied to me about why they hired me in the first place, and I made an agreement based on a lie, then I don't think I would have any respect for the other person to honor my word. That is just me.
Plus, I live in California as well, and the fact that this nanny was only getting paid $10/HOUR to watch a preschooler tells me something about this employer's personality. In CA that is a very low rate to work for, even if OP agreed to it, I would never pay such a low rate for a babysitter or nanny, even if they agreed. Again, that is just me and how I operate.
I think OP might have overreacted to an extent, but I think when her employer told her that she didn't know her class schedule yet was when she realized that she had been lied to more than once and decided to just let the whole thing go. I agree with Anonymous that she was definitely being messed with and if someone did that to me, I may have just quit. I may not even have been as nice to send an email either. Nannies are to be treated with respect, and to lie to them, even if they are little lies is not right. If they love and care for your child, the least one can do is tell the truth which shows respect. Many families think of a nanny as a lower class profession...maybe because there is no professional education or training involved, but let me tell you, it is the most important job out there. Shaping young minds, providing love and security, establishing trust patterns and confidence while at the same time carrying such a high liability factor, I would be pissed if someone lied to me too.
Again...that is JUST ME!!!
OP your intuition told you this person lied to you and it took a while, but finally you saw what kind of person she is. I personally would have known that before when she agreed to pay only $10/HOUR...no disrespect.
By the way, if you read the post carefully, OP did ask the employer if she was needed past December and she was told NO which was fine with her, but then she was lied to because her employer told her she didn't know her class schedule yet for next semester which dosen't make any sense. How does a College Professor not know her schedule a month or so in advance?
Um, so because OP should have never taken a job that paid $10/hr, and because her boss said she didn't know her class schedule yet, OP was justified in quitting angrily because she wasn't needed the last 5 days of November? Or is this brouhaha all because OP was not given the honor of being the "top nanny" instead of being a backup babysitter? I still don't see the problem. Any employer in California can terminate any employee at any time unless they have a contract, or unless it is for discriminatory and illegal reasons, and OP is somehow pissed at her former boss because she didn't have her work enough hours or employ her for long enough?
I think this persons a loser.... You should beat up dat nigga.
Real talk.
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