Received Monday, November 24, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
We just fired a nanny that I found to be borderline abusive to my children. One of my neighbors saw her in a park chatting up her cellphone and ignoring my children while they ran around unsupervised (they are 3 and 5). When she did pay attention to them, she was very abrasive with them. Whenever I was around of course, she would treat them properly. If anyone knows how to get around these nannies that seem to know how to give a good interview, and then turn out to be nothing more than an extra mouth to feed, I'd like to know.
I refuse to put my children through that again, and my question is I read somewhere that Tibetan nannies were great with kids and are very docile and gentle because of their cultural upbringing. I would like to know from other parents that employ one, if this is true or not.
26 comments:
I think you would be better off doing a much more intense interview process and background check than worrying about what kind of ethnicity your nanny has to be. There are good and bad people in every race.
It sounds like you are looking for a breed of puppy. What she did was not ok but abuse? You are a piece of work and honey- I don't mean that in a good way. Terrific, you fired the neglectful nanny- but who's going to save your children from YOU?
wait a minute. be careful about believing everything one neighbor saw. people like to exaggerate without realizing it, because drama is more interesting.
Magnolia has a point. Years ago, I was picking up my best friend from her job at Bloomingdales and had her 3 year old with me. I'm very close to him. He started to act up and I touched the top of his head and said, "Hey Monkey, you know that nonsense doesn't fly with me."
A couple ladies in her department told her how mean and nasty her "sitter" was to her boy.
I am just curious how long this neighbor watched your nanny. I agree with Magnolia, sometimes people create more drama than was really there, simply because they want to be the center of attention.
Also, if your neighbor only saw your nanny for a total of a minute or two... thats really not long enough to make such a conclusion.
Further, I think the word your should use, if you use any word is neglect. She didn't ABUSE your kids by being on the phone, although in your eyes she may have been neglectful.
I would like to know what other things she did, that would make her an abusive nanny.
I mean.... what if your nanny was calling you to leave you a message. Or maybe she was setting up a playdate. OR maybe... your kids were playing nicely and she needed to make a quick phone call to a fellow nanny... Maybe she felt like this was her "break" My guess is at the ages of 3 and 5 your kids dont nap.
As Just me said, there are good people in every race, so looking for a particular racial background is not the way to go. Screen for good experience, check references and recheck references, do background checks, and MOST importantly take time off to check up on nanny, observe carefully, drop in at unexpected times, show up at places where she may be with the kids, even solicit friends or neighbors to do so. Know that there is hope and more good nannies than bad out there. My first nanny experience was like yours--the woman was also a nightmare--interviewed well and was pleasant to us and put on a show with the kids when we were around, but she was borderline abusive and definitely neglectful when we were not. She came with glowing references and interviewed well. I am forever greatful to the first woman who warned us of her behavior--a neighbor's nanny. I fired our nanny two days later after observing her behavior when out with the kids. We used a few temporaries and went through a few people we thought would be good permanent replacements but just were not good matches before finding the nanny we have had going for more than two years now. She is wonderful and I'm glad I was picky and willing to admit I didn't make the best choices until we found her.
If my three and five year old had been left unattended for any length of time and for any reason--especially somewhere outside of my own home, I also would have fired my nanny.
Nanny's break, the scheduling of playdates, and other phone calls can wait if they are posing a danger to the children.
I'm guessing that there is more to the story behind why you fired the nanny and this was the biggie.
I agree that there are good people of all races/ethnicities and do not condone hiring a nanny or other worker based on their ethnicity. I'm not so sure that it's even legal to do so. Instead, be thourough in your interview, thourough in checking references, and closely monitor whoever you hire--drop in without notice, talk to your kids about their day (ASK "What did Nanny do when...?" and "What did Nanny say when...?"), have family and friends report what they observe, etc.
A nanny who has nothing to hide won't fret about it, especially if you are up front about your expectations and how you will be sure they are being met. Best wishes!
Ignore the bitter..has a good point. The people I work for always ask my charge how her day went and what she did.
I was once hired on a trial period.I worked for 2 days and the mom sent me to the park, an art class and story time during times her friends and sister would be there (I didn't know that at the time, she filled me in later).
SHe also came home unexpectedly at naptime to see if I had followed the schedule.
I agree, anyone can portray themselves a certain way in an interview
You can't cheat on the interview process by relying on cultural or ethnic stereotypes. Just because a couple members of a certain group are one way, doesn't mean that all members will conform to those characteristics.
What is it with all the racial stuff on ISYN lately?
Tibetan Nannies...wow.
Sounds like OP is almost looking for a certain brand of purse.
And I agree with what Magnolia said.
Great advice all across the board 'ignore the bitter ones'. I hope all moms follow your lead!
I'm hoping OP didn't mean to come across the way she did with looking for a certain "brand" of nanny. Maybe she's just upset after hearing what her kids went through. I don't know if we have the whole story or not, like "ignore" said, maybe there was something more to this.
But nonetheless, you need to screen carefully ANYONE you hire to watch your kids.
OP, Are you Chinese? Have you been locking your nanny out of her room in your home and keeping her from her personal belongings? I know ridiculous post, almost as ridiculous as everything being blamed on one's ethninticity on several messages on this board.
I agree with Magnolia.
Circle, I think you missed where she was looking to hire a Tibetan, not fire a Tibetan, but thanks for the laugh.
OP, I think you should focus on the right nanny for your family and not look for a particular color, race, or stereotype. You make it sound like you are shopping for a puppy.
I think (I hope) that what OP really wants is to make sure that she hires someone reliable next time.
I wish I had an answer for that one.
This post is too ridiculous for words...why even post this junk??
OP,
Tibetans, including monks, have been rebelling against the oppression of their country in increasing numbers in the past year, so apparently they aren't all docile.
Why would anyone want a docile nanny anyway? That sure isn't on my list of qualities that make a great nanny.
So...you fired your nanny because one of your neighbors saw her using her cell phone and relinquishing physical contact with your child, and now you want to know which ethnicity would be the easiest one for you to kick around and exploit?
Sorry, but "unsupervised" is a vague and meaningless term without an context.
This is horse shit...
I am really just sitting here laughing at this post. As you all know, I usually try to give the OPs a benefit of the doubt, seeing I am not there witnessing as they do. But this one really just makes me scratch my head and think, "huh??" lol. I am really hoping that the OP was joking about wanting a certain ethnic group for a nanny... Happy Thanskgiving everyone!
Yes, Tibetans are docile, great with children, and easily housebroken.
This post was racist. If you don't understand why, then you need to educate yourself. I can't be bothered today.
Tibetans by nature are very caring people, partly because from a very young age, Buddhism is introduced as a part of syllabus in schools. They believe in Karma, what you sow is what u reap. Every day begins with the thought "may all beings, be happy and never separate from happiness. Good luck!
Depends on the cultural aspect of that nanny's upbringing. For example, you would not employ an islamic terrorist wife as your care giver.You can talk , this and that logic, but bottom line is your child safety , so no interviews will help because they can beat that. Generally speaking Buddhism is well embeded in Tibetan culture.
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