Received Monday, November 17, 2008. - Rant
Could someone bring reason to this derelict's head? I work for two parents. Mom works a lot and Dad is home more. If this sounds good, it's not. Dad is a scumbag. He's dirty, thieving and conniving and that's just part of his job. As a father, he is aloof, cold and forgetful. He always wants to make a point by barging in and punishing one of the children. The children are both under 4. The children both have comfort items that they cling to. The father always threatens to and takes away these comfort items (one is a blanket and one is a stuffed bunny). I have attempted to suggest that this is not a good idea, but he is an ignorant shitbag and pays my nanny advice no heed. He finds it perfectly acceptable to have no interaction with his children but to catch part of a conversation or cry and jump in and say, "That's it, you lost flopsy". And then he will take the object away and the child, who really hasn't done much bad at all - because they are both good kids - is devastated.
The worst part is Mom is working out of town this week and Dad is in charge at night. I am on 24/7 so I am on too. Last night, he took the two year old's blanket away from her just because she was crying for her mother. Because she missed her mother. And I was so pissed and angry, I swear I wanted to grab the meat cleaver and hack him to bits and dump his body by the airport. The child cried and cried and cried until she fell asleep at about 12. He thought that was fine and well. All because she didn't obey him when he told her to "stop crying, mommy will be home Thursday". When Mom is in the picture she cancels out all of Dad's stupid ideas. She's a good Mom who gives her children lots of love and attention- but she does work a lot. I only wish the father would work more or get hit by a 7 train. Then the children could be treated the way they deserve to be treated!
13 comments:
what a sad story...have you considered talking to the mom?
Wow...this man sounds exactly like my father who used to do the same thing, only hear part of a problem or issue and then be so mean in his punishment.
Please be careful, my father started taking our comfort items away as toddlers and he quickly moved into physical abuse as we got older and he had nothing to take away from us. When my sister was 11 she flushed the toilet in the middle of the night and it was "too loud" for his liking and while she still had her pants around her ankles he smashed her head into the sink - it was this incident that FINALLY caused my mother to leave him and she has been so much happier since.
This man will only get worse. Unfortunatly you are the nanny and can't grab those children and leave. However, you do have control over what you are exposed to and this will scar you emotionally as well - even though you are grown, you'll never forget his episodes.
Don't put yourself in between him and his kids, you'll get hurt.
Please keep us posted OP
I am so sorry for those kids and you. It is draining to be around that kind of drama. Stay strong.
This is so awful, and so difficult. It sounds like you have a good relationship with the mom, and maybe it's best to continue good communication with her and make her understand how damaging this pr*ck's behavior is to her children, and hope that she continues to be vigilant on their behalf. If you EVER see ANY hint that he might be physically abusing them, do not hesitate to call CPS!! I don't know think CPS gets involved over emotional abuse (this has come up before here), and it sounds like it would be not just useless but damaging to YOU and your nanny position to try and intervene or reason with the so-called dad.
heart breaking, that is sickening to think of. It's lucky your dad didn't get violent towards your mom as so many abusers seem to do when they try to leave the relationship. I'm glad you all got out safe.
I think you should talk to the mom in person ASAP. She must agree with your way of "parenting," or caregiving, because that is why she hired you. It sounds like you and the mom generally agree on how to treat the children.
Approach the mom and explain very specifically the instances that concern you. Explain that you feel it is really harmful to the children to be "punished" in this way when they really haven't done anything wrong. Explain that you think it's great that she keeps a lid on it when she's home, but that as the nanny, you don't seem to have the same powers. Ask her what can be done. Ask her how she can help prevent the father from doing such things. Explain that the children really need help.
Perhaps she can have some fruitful discussions with her husband, explaining to him that there is a better way to interact with the children and that this kind of treatment does not improve children's conduct. Maybe she can explain to the dope that positive reinforcement, love, and praise are what makes children successful, happy, and well behaved. Maybe she can make a good dent in his ways.
Perhaps she can lay down some rules, such as, from now on father will never threaten nor take away your comfort objects. These rules should be publicly known in the household, between you, the children and the parents. The children should be told by both the parents so they can feel secure. There is nothing wrong with a parent explaining to a child that they (the parent) has made a mistake about something, is sorry, and will not do it that way in the future. I am hoping that perhaps the mother can get through to the father when she hears very frankly how bad things are in her absence. If she is so good at handling the father, then I truly have hope that she can improve his conduct when she is not there.
Dear Nanny--
I am so sorry for you and these children-- and the mom too. I have no words-- but I can offer a prayer for you and them. Stay strong. And my hats off to you for loving those children more than (what I assume) yourself-- or that mean bully.
From your description alone, it's safe to say I HATE this man.
He does NOT deserve children. Those poor kids. Heartbreaking. I can't offer any advice....I agree with everyone else who said your best bet is probably having a one on one with mom. Heartbreakingforthosechildren is right...this is the type of behavior that has the potential to manifest into physical abuse.
This man sounds like a controlling, sadistic sociopath. That's a dangerous combination.
Good luck, OP.
I agree with Fox in Socks--talk to the mother. However, I think you should have your exit plan in place before doing so. Chances are, it won't go well.
I wish you strength!
I feel sorry for the kids but making threats on a public site is not is good idea on your part. I understand the frustration and think you should talk to the mom but if he is as mean as you say he may come after you because you threatened his life. Just be careful.
Definitely talk with the mom. Odds are she will have noticed too, and it is not safe for either you or the children to be in that situation. If she doesn't respond accordingly, I really think you should report the dad. Emotional abuse like this isn't a huge step away from physical abuse... I've been on the receiving end. You may lose your job, be aware, but you may also completely protect these kids from something worse.
That is such a sad story. For the sake of those poor children, I would definitely talk to the mom. It's heartbreaking!!!!!
Anonymous said...
I understand your concerns, but did you actually read your story before posting it? I am concerned for the children, but I'm even more concerned about your mental state.
You may want to (if he's rational enough) sit an talk with the parents and tell them about your concerns, and see if it is possible to come to a happy medium.
The father seems pretty unreasonable, but if they respect you and value your services, then they might be willing to work along with you.
If things don't change for the better, if may be better for you to leave before we see you on the news. That'd be really sad.
3:49 PM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!
PICK A MONIKER FOR FREAKS SAKE!
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