I witnessed a nanny on child encounter this afternoon at fifteen thirty five (3:35pm). The location; the largest of the playgrounds at the Coyote Point Park in San Mateo. The nanny, an African American female dressed in a grey ATL hoodie, blue jeans and black sneakers between 5 foot 5 and five foot 7 and between 27 and 31 years of age. Her weight was proportionate to her height and she had no distinguishing marks or characteristics other than many fine, small moles that grew around her nose, resembling freckles.The child was an auburn haired, Caucasian female of approximately 3 - 3 1/2 years of age, dressed in a forest green, corduroy pinafore over a flowed shirt and she had a mixed floral jacket tied around her waist.
The nanny was snacking on Frito potato chips that she had peeking out the top of a taupe, non-descript canvas tote bag. When the nanny left the area of the bench, the girl approached the bench and bag and reached in and grabbed what must have been a handful of fritos. The nanny smacked the girl's hand once or twice and her forearm twice (as the girl was pulling her arm away).
No explanation was provided as to why the child was not allowed to have the snacks, in fact no words were exchanged at all. The child sulked away and hid by a tree where she cried before rebounding and joining a pair of girls on the climbing apparatus.
Side note: No one would ever, ever lay a hand on MY child and so as a parent, I would not accept any explanation for this behavior.
40 comments:
These are all pretty funny this morning. Obviously this isn't the first time this nanny has slapped this kids hand for putting her hand in the snacks. And she probably disciplined her own children the same way--but slapping the hand that took the snacks. But it sounds like the girl sulked, then recovered and played. Sounds like a fine nanny siting to me!
It's not Ok to repeatedly slap a child. This is not funny or acceptable behavior for a nanny. I've been a nanny for a long time and you know that whatever you eat the children will want and if you don't feel like sharing you don't eat in front of them.Would it be Ok for a child to slap her nanny around if the nanny grabbed for the child's snack? Then you would be on here saying how awful the kid is but you think it's fine for the adult nanny to hit this little girl and make her cry. Momkat I'm sorry but you're crazy.
I just do not agree with physical punishment for any reason. Especially when it's not your child, and for something as minor as taking a snack. Sure the kid was able to rally and play, but that doesn't mean she wasn't shamed or hurt.
TX mommy is exactly right about eating in front of a child.
But, she didn't even need to be punished, the little one wasn't doing anything wrong. Damn, that's sad.
How is this a fine nanny siting when she hit the child numerous times? i don't car if it was "only on the hand", hitting is hitting! What's wrong with telling the child no instead? hope someone sees this!
Ok, ever hear the term 'slap on the wrist' Where do you think it came from?
Really, this is by no means abusive. Maybe she is allowed to do this with the charge. I am. There is a difference between discipline and beating or abuse.
Go ahead flame away. But there are those of us out there who still disciplne the old fashioned way, and we're the ones who's kids consistantly get complimented on their good behavior, have good grades and know how to act in public.
Oh please, I have never hit one of my charges in 13 years and they all have been complimented on how well behaved they were with me too, you know the other wonderful compliment I received? Everyone thought they were mine because of how close we were and how at ease the children were with me.
Also if you read the post she did not tap her on the wrist she continued to smack her hand a arm then said nothing while the girl went off to cry. If you think this is the best way to handle the situation then you are a poor excuse for a nanny. I can think of several other ways as simple as saying sorry you can't have that please go play. No hitting and humiliating neccesary.
I am not opposed to the rare spanking for good cause...like a major safety issue or as a last resport in the face of extreme defiance. I don't think eating somebody else's snack constitutes a decent reason for hitting a child.
And I don't think there's a reason to ever, EVER use physical punishment with somebody else's child. EVER. Don't tell me it's a job and the parents can give permission fro hired people to hit their kids. That won't sway me. I don't think there's enough money in the world to convince me to spank someone else's child.
In other words, although I do believe in spanking for certain things, I also believe to do so is a very serious matter and should be done only with the greatest of forethought and caution and only by the actual parents themselves. If even one of my kids grandparents spanked one of my kids, there would be a big problem. In fact, my father in law once paddled my three year old...on his birthday. I was furious. Still am just remembering it. And to top it off he did it while my child was groggy and barely awake...for the crime of writhing and kicking when he tried to wake him up from his nap...because he was too impatient to give him his present until after his nap. My son ran to me, terrified, and sat with his face buried in my chest until gramps left the house. And for a long time after that he told me this fantasy story about how a helicoppter came and hooked the pants of that grandpa and carried him far, far away so nobody could ever see him again. From what I saw, his perception of the events that day must have been waking up to the face of an angry grandpa who then hit him several times and told him he was bad. Out of the blue...because the kicking and trying to get away happened before he was fully awake. No wonder he was afraid.
Oh for the love of god--you guys are a nuttier than a squirrel. I'm sure you're giving this more thought than that little girl did. So, she got her hand slapped for digging into some snacks that weren't hers. Not a problem. It's not going to scar her for life. Can't say I ever slapped my child's hand--but can't say I shouldn't of, either. Sometimes I think we're too soft on these little people...they need to toughen up and realize they can't be digging into food that's not there's.
Momkat:
To each his own when it comes to discipling a child. The problem is though is that this child was smacked by her nanny-not her mother or father. Unless she has permission to smack the kid( which i Highly doubt) she is way out of line putting her hands on a child that is not hers. No excuses.
And the problem with this knee jerk kind of hitting is it is usually a common occurrence.
That's my huge pet peeve about spanking..and, frankly, where I think the whole debate about spank/no spank gives a lot of ammo about how stupid spanking is to the no spank camp. There is little more disgusting ot me than to see some child being dragged by the arm in a public place, crying and trying frantically to cover his bum from mom's hands as she yanks his shoulder with one hand, whacks at his backside with the other, and barely even breaks her stride during the whole incident. That kind of spanking (which is somewhat akin to this siting IMO) is pointless and damaging.
My sisters, brother and I grew up in a neighborhood where not only did our parents spank, but our friends parents did as well if we were up to no good.
Guess what?
We are all law abiding, productive citizens. None of my sisters or our childhood friends are in therapy. And there is not a single incident where I was unjustly or excessively spanked.
Maybe if we went back to the old ways, 8 year olds wouldn't be killing their fathers and 10 year old girls wouldn't be terrorizing their nanny with a knife.
I forgot to mention my brother, who received more spanking than us all became, a highly decorated officer, then detective before establishing his own security firm and becoming a self made multi-millionare.
I get all those compliments too, my kid just got his report card and got straight A's also and I do not hit him.
Just because you hit your child, doesn't mean you will have a well behaved child, it just means you will have a scared child! I know, my mother hit me all the time growing up and I am still paying the price for it now. There are other ways to discipline kids, hitting is not the only way!
It is NEVER ok to slap a child. Especially one that is hungry and digging into a bag of chips.
Who wants to lay bets that this nanny was eating that little girls snack?
Thanks for the Spanks --
EXCELLENT POST! This country is going to hell in a handbasket because everyone suddenly feels they need to "reason" with a toddler. A slap on the hand is a slap on the hand.
My niece and I recently attended a seminar on child development.
The speaker asked for people to raise their hands and tell about the most traumatic disciplinary experience in their lives.
One girl, I assumed to be in her late 20s, burst into tears and remembered that when she had forged her father's signature on a failing middle school test she was spoken harshly to, sent to her room to think about it and grounded for a week. She said she would never get over the way her father had treated her or that her mother had supported it.
Another person said they had "terrible memories" of being denied television privileges anytime they did something wrong.
Yet a third chimed in say how they would never forget the "pain and humiliation" of the stern talking to they received along with the loss of their phone time. How awful it was to have to tell their friends they were grounded from using the phone.
Having been spanked as a children, my niece and I had to laugh as neither of us felt the need to raise out hand as we hadn't felt we'd suffered any traumatic disciplinary experiences.
thanks for the spanks,
I was spanked too and think you make a good point. As I mentioned, I am not opposed to the occasional spanking. I even gave a few to my kids.
My point is that if you do it with thought and reason, it will have a benefit for the child...and also (thankfully) it probably won't need done more times than you can count on a hand for your average child....because, done right, it has the intended impact and the child learns that there are definite limits (as is true in all of life at any age) and that its best not to cross those.
The trouble is that our society is out of control on both ends...either randomly and angrily hitting kids with no lesson learned from it except that big people can hurt little people if they want to...and on the other extreme, people wanting so badly to treat their children as equals, or spare their feelings at any cost, that they give them virtually no direction or discipline. Both ways have tragic results.
Use reason people. It's tried and true method of childrearing.
while I agree a simple digging into snacks does not warrabt a paddle (the first time) MAYBE this child had done it SEVERAL times with previous responses being a verbal "no." That being said EVERY FAMILY is different, perhaps this nanny does have permission to paddle at last resort. I think the little girl was more hacked off becasue she didnt get chips. Lastly, I have full permission to paddle the kids I watch--- with a spanking instrument. Consistancy. Do I like it? HELL NO! Is it neccessary to continue discipline when I am with them 12 hours out of the weekday? HELL YES.
I recall when my daughter was 3 she always ran into the street. Everything my husband and I tried failed to dissuade her from doing this.
When she ran in front of a large garbage truck, I grabbed her and pulled her back.
"No running in the street!"
I said sternly and gave a good swat on her behind. She never ran in the street again.
Mom, I agree whole-heartedly with you! I can count on one hand how many times I've spanked each of my children. When administered properly-spanking works along with talking to our kids, grounding and all other forms of discipline.
Jumping ahead, but any 2 celled organism who thinks they are "teaching" a child to "behave" by teaching them to smack littler people around instead of using verbal communication should be sterilized and never allowed unsupervised near children.
To actually DO this is one thing, to DO it and BRAG about it is even worse, and to DO it, BRAG about it, and actually get PAID to do it means your employer is also a 2 celled organism. We know how the kids will probably turn out, but sometimes they grow up smarter than their caregivers and do NOT swat their kids around like pigs at a trough whenever they annoy them.
Why was the child being punished for being hungry. Thats my thoughts when I read this. She probably saw the nanny eating and wanted something too. If the nanny was smart, she would have brought her her own little goody bag.
And this nanny should have really zipped up her purse. Less temptation for the three year old if its not visible in her face.
Cali Mom --
Have fun when your kids become nightmares (if they're not already). Have fun when they can't adapt to the real world. You are living in a bubble. Your brain is a vacuum. Good luck with that.
Look I agree that smacking a child on the hand is not going to scar them for life and I'm not completely anti spanking like some of the posters. But to use it as a first resort is just a lack of basic child rearing skills. But to come on here and say that kids will only grow up to be decent people if the are smacked around a bit and that they will grow up to be monsters if you don't spank them is just so mind numbingly ignorant. My brother was spanked regularly and he has been in and out of prison his whole life.
Now about this actual post, I suspect if the little girl told the nanny no or had a tantrum like small children do you all would think it's fine for the nanny to pull her hair and smack her across the face since grabbing a handful of freakin chips warranted a few smacks on her hand and arm. Idiots.
So Terra Bite, your argument is basically that a)since the nanny smacking the child was probably not scarring her psyche for life, she's a good nanny and this is a siting that was unnecessary to post and b)that, like a pig at the trough, you swat away your young when they annoy you with their presence and are proud of it, and c)you don't know anyone who doesn't beat their kids and brag about it? I can just picture your mother. Ugh.
In all fairness, Cali mom has written several time about her son here and he sounds like a very sweet and well behaved boy. Obviously she spends a lot of time with him and teaches hium how ot behave properly.
You don't HAVE to spank kids to have them turn out well. One of my sons was just as easy and sweet a kid as I have ever seen. At 18 he's still a great and compassionate guy. He probaly had one ...maybe two...spankings in his entire life. (I don't remember spanking him ever, but I'm not going to swear to never.)
Also, I don't think a couple of strategic spankings does lasting harm either. My oldest was a tester of every limit...and a fearless daredevil. He had spankings when he was outright defiant or did somethign dangerous after being told not to. Today he is also a great and compassionate guy. Also, he says he is thankful for our not letting him be one of those out of control kids he sometimes sees and cannot stand to witness.
Soooo...let's please refrain from insulting people's children.
Ditto on that, Mom!
Cali Mom, you sound like a very closed minded individual who can't make a point without name-calling. That doesn't speak well as far as your intelligence either dear. I hope your poor kids are not being raised to be as condescending as you are.
I saw no one "bragging" about spanking, including myself. Just that it worked for them or on them.
And someone who can count on one hand how many times they have spanked a child is not using it regularly or as a first resort.
And to be fair, many mothers brag about their kids it's not always true. I have met women who describe their children as angels only to witness they are monsters. Cali Mom could well be one of those who thinks her darling son can do no wrong.
I think 'Old fashioned nanny' is just an 'old poster' trying to stir up shit.
For goodness sakes just sayin DO NOT start that stupid crap where posters are accused of being other posters, it is ridiculous. I assume I am now going to be accused of being Old Fashioned Nanny and 'Old Poster?'
TX Mommy:
"The nanny smacked the girl's hand once or twice and her forearm twice (as the girl was pulling her arm away)."
That is hardly "repeatedly SLAPPING a child".
See how things get blown out of proportion on this site?
just saying at 8:26 is NOT "justsaying"
Just want to point that out.
So, repeatedly SMACKING a child is OK, but repeatedly SLAPPING a child is not? More than once is the definition of "repeatedly".
Mom, I can see your logic and possibly even agree to it at some point in my life, but it's all these "sure, smacking the kid around to keep them in line worked fine for my ma and pa and it works fine for me too. Words are for sissies!" attitudes that are really sad.
Teresa B it's semantics and what this nanny did was not right, she is not a good or professional nanny and the OP was right to post here. I know for a fact that most parents would not approve, so I'm not blowing anything out of proportion. You can smack your child if you want to, that is your call and I'm sure that when my little girl grows up she might do something that I think deserves a little smack, but it certainly won't be for grabbing a handful of chips and it won't be a nanny doing the smacking either that's my point.
I agree with Mom. I am a well adjusted, college-educated, 26 year old nanny that can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked. My mom never spanked me without careful though, planning, reasoning, and even warnings. But, I was a stubborn, strong willed child and rarely that was the only thing that work. Once she finally spanked me, the behavior would completely stop. I am not sure why I constantly pushed the limits, knowing she would eventually follow through, but I did.
I see parents, including the ones I nanny for, spank for the most horrible reasons. Taking a snack from a bad, is sure one of them!
Nanny who cares. You sound like you were th ekind of child my son was...and I was too. Some kisa just have to they to push the envelope all the time. I don't know if it's curiosity (my son is exceptionally intelligent...and I don't say that just because I'm his mom...but I think that made him more curious and more interested in trying everything)or that some kids just crave the sccurity of boundaries and they just keep on checking to make sure those boundaries are secure.
My son and I sometimes talk now about some of his antics..and laugh...although some of them hardly seemed comical in the moment. But I can see that he is proud of having had a consistent code of discipline when he sees some child acting horribly and the parent just standing there and he will say somethign like, "You would have NEVER let us act that way," or "I would have never dared to do that. What's wrong with his parents?" Kinda reminds me of an old man reminiscing about how kids were so much better behaved in the olden days...hehehe.
And I was always so thankful that ALL of his bounday testing happened at home with his dad and me, and never at school or when visiting other people's houses or otherwise in public! When people or teachers would say to me that he was such a pleasure to have in class or in their homes, or that they wished all of their students or their children's friends were as polite and well mannered and listened as well as my son, I would mentally wipe the sweat from my brow and think "I'm so glad he saves his "moments" for me! Not that he was a difficult kid by any stretch of the imagination...just a tester...and always very busy...and he had the misfortune of having the most docile, compliant brother and sister ever to be compared to.
Wow! What a feast of typos I left behind! Somebody's gonna get a lot of Os!
Well, I'm sorry but I can't say this is a bad nanny sighting. it does seem mean, but think about it: this may be a child who really needs to understand to respect other people's things.
however, i would think it should not be such a big deal for the girl to sneak a snack. maybe she was just hungry, in which case, that's not her fault.
The kid was allergic to fritos and the nanny saved her life. OR on a diet, in which case the nanny is just helping her fit into her little prada jeans.
ice chips...OUCH! Hilarious.
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