Received Wednesday, October 22, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
After reading the post about the Nanny's privacy, I hate to admit my curiosity got the best of me, so I decided to check up on mine. She's been with us for about 2 months now, and has her own quarters in the back of the property in a cottage. I had never thought to go through her things before, and I'm really not that type of person. However, some of the things I found shocked me, and now I'm not so sure I want to keep her around anymore. First off, I found some toys and videos - of the adult variety. Secondly, I found a journal. I only read a few pages, but I'm starting to get the idea that my Nanny is a little more than boy crazy. She has her weekends to herself and there is no curfew, but now I see how she's been spending her free time. I'm also worried about the times she's been out with my 2 year old, and if she was meeting boys. I haven't told my husband yet. I wanted to get someone else's opinion first. How should I approach her about this? Do you think I should let her go?
42 comments:
It sounds to me like this post is made up, or at least I HOPE it is! You read her journal?!? It's one thing to go into her room, which is bad enough. But to read her journal is so wrong! Secondly, adult toys and videos? That's her PRIVATE life. It's not like she's doing it while she's watching your kid. Maybe you have a problem with that kind of stuff, but most of the population participates in those "activities" from time to time in PRIVATE.
So, I'm hoping that this post was made up just get responses from people like me who are outraged by it.
So you are invading someones privacy and want us to tell you it's ok to fire her for it?
You don't deserve a nanny, put your child in daycare and quit spying on your nanny.
Would you want her spying on you? How would you react if she found YOUR toy collection? or your stash of condoms? Wouldn't you feel violated?
The ONLY valid point you have is what she is doing with your child. If you have told her she can not meet guys when she has your child then that should be the end of it unless you have proof she has
I agree. It sounds made up and I hope it is.
Who cares if she has adult toys? She is allowed to do what she wants and with what. As long as she does her job properly, it is none of your business.
How dare you.
Don't make it out to seem like she is living a double life because she is *gasp* "boy crazy* and using a vibrator to pass the time!
Um.... you are a bitch OP. I would be so livid at you for going through my things. She is an adult and CAN have adult toys. God knows what you;d think if you went through my closet at home! So should I be fired from my day job because I practically own an entire novelty store in my room? No, that is my life! I think you are twisted and mean. I hope this is truelly fake. I am sorry I will not give you advice, you are the one at fault not her. And to be honest I think you are jealous because she is comfortable with her sexuality... and maybe you're not getting any.
OMG you had no right to go through her things! It's one thing to peek in to see if the place is being kept tidy, but to actually READ her journal?! Sift through her belongings?! What your nanny does/likes in her private life has no bearing on the care she provides for your child.
I for one am an upstanding citizen, a church-going, conservatively dressed soccer mom. I take wonderful care of my child. I don't curse, drink or smoke around him and I never get a babysitter to go out - I only go out when he is at his father's. He is constantly complimented on his manners and great behavior. An all-around happy, well-raised kid.
But when he's not around, and I'm with my boyfriend, I'm a lesbian-porn watching, sex-toy playing, stripper-dressing dirty talkin' slut in the bedroom. What I do in private does not make me a bad mom.
If you are worried about your child, my suggestion is to follow her one day to see how she takes care of your child. See if she meets boys when she is supposed to be taking care of him, and then take appropriate action. If you approach her on the subject, don't be surprised if she quits on the spot. However, if you just can't get past this, you should find another nanny ASAP - and let this serve as a lesson on boundaries.
eastcoastnow
OMG, you rock! It's the quiet, conservative ones that are always so crazy in the bedroom!
BTW, I have my own little collection of porn and a little toy or two, it's normal and healthy!
She is probably a good nanny. She has plenty of toys and can dole out a good spanking when need be. I say keep her!
This is the first time I have said this..but it sounds made up to me to.
But for future reference, and just in case this is true, don't ever read anybody's diary.
I didn't weight in on th epost about the nanny's privacy, but I owul dthink that you might have the right to have a cleaning person go into a nanny living space in your home, or to enter yourself for a valid reason...but not just to snoop. You should tell her first that you may enter from time to time, or have a housekeeper in, and then she will be warned. THEN, what she leaves lying in open view is your business. Whats she hides. let stay hidden. (I personally like to have a housekeeper do ALL the rooms of my house on a regualr basis, because if you don't keep up with certain things, like baseboard cleaning, vacuuming really deep into the corners of the carpet, scrubbing the tub, tub enclosures and tracks, toilet, etc., within an inch of their lives, regularly, it makes for a prematurely disgusting house.)
I think OP needs some adult toys.
"I'm really not that type of person".
Well,congratulations OP, you are now!
What you did is shameful and wrong. You should be embarrassed.
But hey,maybe she noticed things and of place and will repay the favor....ever think about that?
Eastcoastnow..you are fabulous!!!!Loved your post!!!
Why is this post so hard to believe? What - are people not allowed to have sex? You've never met a nosy person? I totally believe something like this could happen. But the funny thing is, hardly anyone questioned the peanut butter and dog post, but they don't believe this one?
Geesh, you people are really uptight!
OP, you were WRONG to go through your nannys things, but if she otherwise takes good care of your kid, leave her alone. She's not hurting anybody.
How dare you go through her things? How would you feel if she went through your things? Shame on you!
FAKE POST FAKE POST FAKE POST.
Knew it from the second sentence.
Let's move on please...
troll
why do you think it's fake? don't things like this happen in your neck of the woods?
It's fake because the writing is so contrived....of course this stuff occurs but this post just smacks of someone begging to get a rise out of commenters.. seriously, how bored with your life to you have to be to sit down and compose bs?? sad...
so made up.
LOLOLOL
Thanks everyone. In fact, I got off with my three-headed vibrator 15 minutes before I left to get him from school.
;)~
I don't really care if this is fake or real but do want to give my opinion. What the nanny does in her private life (besides drug dealing and things like that...) really does not concern you. Her being a nanny is her job and she is allowed to be boy crazy and do whatever she wants on the weekends as long as she is a respectable and responsible when she is taking care of your child.
Now, I can see how you may be worried about her meeting boys with your child and you could have been worried about that whether you went through her stuff or not. Why don't you ask for more detail in where they go, or just check up on them?
But approaching about the things you found in her room, I wouldn't do it. AND I wouldn't ever do it again. Everyone is nosy, I know I am but I don't think I would ever go through my nanny's things (not that I have a nanny nor children, but if I did...). That is her private space, would you want her going and reading your diary or going through your room? Um, no probably not.
Not that I agree in the least with what the employer did in any way, shape or form, but it did make me wonder: Have any of you sorted through your employers drawers when they were out and about? Tried on their clothes, etc? It could be considered a 2 way street.
eastcoastnow
forgive me for being naive, but where does the 3rd one go?
huh?:
The top one is to massage the pelvic area just above the pubic line.
I don't think I need to explain the others...
;)
Hmmm I was thinking of three other places... the pleasure button and the two holes lol... You are talking one hole, pleasure button, and above?? Intereting.
Op, you've never had a sex toy or an adult video? Were you raised in a convent?
"Have any of you sorted through your employers drawers when they were out and about? Tried on their clothes, etc? It could be considered a 2 way street."
I wanted to answer "just asking"'s question.
A couple of years ago I worked for a couple that had so much money that when they came home after breaking a $50 or $100 bill, they would just throw the change in a top bedroom dresser drawer. I happened to find this stash one day when I went looking to put some clothes away. (Not my normal duty, but the kid was napping and I was just trying to be nice). Anyway, there must've easily been a few hundred bucks in coins and small bills. I took $10 that first time. I didn't do it again for like 2 wks. because I wanted to make sure I didn't get caught. The next time I took $20. And from then on, whenever I saw that they had tossed money on top of the other, every few days, I just took it. They never noticed. If I had to add it all up in a months time, I figure I got at least an extra $200 a month in addition to my above average pay. I know, I'm bad.
"She doesn't have a curfew", and you are worried about the "boys", (rather than men). Is this a teenage au pair? Even if you feel you are acting in parentis locus, you still have no right to go through her personal things and read her journal. If she is actually an adult nanny, well, I hope she discovers your snooping and quits.
This is probably made up but I don't think a nannys personal life has any bearing on her work life. And that is the case for any job. Sex toys are extremely common and healthy.
Manhattan nanny, you make a really good point here. I was wondering myself why OP referred to these men as "boys", so this must be an Au pair. That may be why OP felt it might have been ok to rifle through her things. She's young and OP may feel like her parent. That still doesn't mean it's right, but it kind of makes more sense. I hope she's not being taken advantage of.
All I can think is P L E A S E let this me fictional!!! If it is not... GET A CLUE!!!!!! You went through her stuff? W T F???? What's your nanny's name-- I want to tell he she works for a reverse "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle!" You had NO right to do that!
Eeeeeeekkkkk!
Op..going through her stuff is dead wrong, and I ever found out my family did that to me, I would quit on the spot. What she does during her time is her business and as long as nothing is happening around your kid, then mind your own business.
She has a "double life" because she gets off? Question: is the amount of lives one has at all contingent on the frequency with which they get off (i.e. Eric had 4 lives yesterday!) or is it just a double life by the fact of doing it in the first place?
I didn't need to read the rest of the arguing about this post and the nanny's personal life to know that if I were in nanny's shoes, I would be upset that my employer went through my personal property, however, in a way the OP can't be at fault, since it is HER house, and yes, I would want to know everything about my nanny. I just wouldn't go through her stuff in the manner that OP did. And for the record, when I am out with my charge, I meet guys every now and then. It's something about a woman with a cute child that men fall for. *LOL* I keep the conversation brief, explain that I am at work, and get a number so that I can contact him on my off time. OK, so there I admit that I meet guys while I am at work. Sue me. *LOL*
I don't see how this nanny has a double life. Did you expect her to be doing crafts and watching Dora the Explorer in her spare time? You do realize she's an adult, don't you?
wow bad nanny,
what honesty. i admire your honesty. holy cow. that's actually pretty fascinating. i could never do what you do because of my beliefs. but man, reading your post made me daydream for a second!
missdee, all this time I thought you worked in a daycare? Is there no conflict of interest rule there? I only ask because I thought most daycares frowned on that.
some people are so fridgid!!
What would you rather her do OP? Bring a brigade of men to your home every weekend or take care of business herself with a few well appointed toys all the while respecting your familiy's privacy and safety? If you wanted a virgin like women,you should have hired a nun!
Seeing as you have atleast one child..is it just ok for you to bump uglies??No one else is allowed??
I really loved reading some of the hardcore comments on this thread. Some of you have such an attitude, but you are really funny!
Did you watch the videos?
Who cares is she is boy crazy or likes good sex, she is an adult and it is none of your business.
If you are worried about your child just restate the rule that no one you have not been introduced to is allowed around your child, then is she has someone serious she can let you know, until then mind yor own punany lady!
Pink Nanny, lol!! And good point BLB.
OP just sounds jealous that her nanny is getting better sex (all by herself!) than she has had in 20 years. Or else this is just fake to get people riled up.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned the fact that what the OP did is not just wrong, but also ILLEGAL. The cottage is part of the nanny's salary, which legally makes the OP her landlord. Landlords do not have the right to enter a residence without either a) a 24 hour notice, or b) a reasonable suspicion that there is an emergency. It doesn't matter that the OP owns the cottage - it is the nanny's legal residence. OP could be brought up on charges of trespassing, or at least be subject to a lawsuit.
And that, OP, is why I - a live-in nanny - have a nanny cam IN MY BEDROOM. If I ever find my boss going through my things, she will find herself in court.
Pretty sure that nannies are just people and most people have private lives.
I once was at work, one of the boys I nanny for was napping, the other was taking his quiet/independant play time (instead of a nap) and he walks downstairs to me and goes "Look, its a back massager!" and no...it was not a back massager, it was a vibrator. Therefore it can go both ways, I didn't think anything less of my boss because she kept a dildo in her drawer, people are people and we all have private lives. Hence the word Private.
I really hope that you take the log out of your eye OP before you overeact with your nanny. I'm sure that you have a private life that your nanny may know nothing about. I.E. your sex life, social life, etc.
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