Verona Park Playground - Verona NJ. 1:00PM - 2:30PM - 7/3/08. Your nanny is British in her early to mid 20's. Slim and attractive with dyed Blonde hair. She was wearing Khaki shorts and a white polo shirt. Your kids are Sarah, Tommy and Tyler. Tommy and Tyler are 4 year old twins and Sarah is going to be 6 next month. They told me their life story. They were all there when I arrived with my charges.I am sorry to report, your nanny did nothing the entire time we were at the park but read her Vogue Magazine and text and talk on the phone. Sarah gave up asking the nanny to go to the bathroom and went on her own. The bathroom is a good distance from the playground and although not particularly dangerous, one should never allow a young child to go to the restroom alone in this day and age.
She offered them no water on this warm day, although they were playing hard, extremely thirsty and the fountain was not working well. She also offered them no snacks even though Tyler complained he was hungry several times and was too happy to share in the water juices and snacks I had (I always bring plenty).
The only thing I heard her say was "I'm busy go play" whenever one of your children "Bothered" her. She was clearly annoyed that she had to cut her day in the park of chatting and texting short when Tyler wet himself.
Maybe next time she'll take him to the bathroom!!!
I just hope the parents see this and know that your nanny is not paying any attention at all to your kids.
24 comments:
Hey there
While I agree that the nanny should have played (at least a little) with the children, and indeed taken the child to the bathroom, for safety's sake I have to comment on the food sharing. You are abviously a nanny (given you said "charges")and you should no better than to share food with a child without consulting their grownup. Now if you did ask the nanny to share the copious amount of juices and snacks you brought with he children, then I apologize it wasn't mentioned in post. If yo didn't however-- please start. I have nannied for allergy children and I, myself am a food allergy person. You would be amazed where stuff shows up!
Okay--- so you don't think I am just atacking your sighting. thanks for posting. Hopefully, if not the parents, the nanny will read this, and think twice about her behavior. And more than that lets just hope she was having one of *those* days! Good job OP- glad Tommy, Tyler, and Sarah had a playmate.
I agree with the food sharing just for allergies sake, but I definitely think that is a small part of this sad post. Thankfully, the majority of children will be fine eating children's snacks and drinks. Also, most kids at that age know what they are allergic to and what they cannot eat. If she would have asked the nanny the nanny probably would have just said yeah whatever. These poor children needed to go to the bathroom, were hungry and thirsty and that nanny did nothing to help them. It was basically like their basic needs were being denied because her txting was too important!
I really hope that their parents see this and fire that nanny!
Great post, OP. Thank you for caring. I hope the parents see this and take action
yeah alex, I also think the food stuff is the less important part of the post, but I can't agree that 4 year olds know what they can and can not have.
And OP-- thnaks for diligence :) I sure hope these kids get a great caregiver soon :)
hmmm, I beg to differ. my son has known since 2 he's allergic to certain foods. whenever I've been anywhere with him, and anyone offers something...even at 4 he knew to ask what was in it.
when it's the difference between life and death, a good parent will drill this into their kid because they can't always be with them 24/7.
I don't see how she thinks doing nothing is okay. When I take my charges to the park, I'll admit, I do sit on the bench for part of the time. But not because I don't want to play, its because its good for them to play with other kids at the playground and not always have a grown up around (although I'm always in watching distance). anyway, not bringing water or snacks is a bad mistake and not taking the kids to the bathroom. What the hell is she getting paid for?!!?
These are the people who think that nannies are the same as babysitters. If you noticed this while you were there OP, then I'm sure the parents will notice this in time. Thanks for the post!
It's OT, but I have a question. First of all, I will say that I definitely would fire my babysitter/nanny if I knew she were texting and ignoring my kids for even part of the time she is being paid to care for them. I am trying to find a part-time babysitter right now, and I'd like to say something to any potential candidates to the effect of "no talking on your cell phone, web surfing or txting while you are on the job". That may sound harsh, but I know from what I see that there are many people who are kind of addicted to "being in touch" 24/7 and see no problem with "multi-tasking" while they txt or talk constantly. This is NOT OK for me. How can I word this so it doesn't alienate people? I don't want to seem like an overly rigid employer, but this is really important to me. (And then how do I monitor the situation? I guess I can't really, but will have to trust.)
You just can't care for children while your attention is elsewhere. A quick call for an important reason is one thing, but that is not what I see people doing with their Blackberries these days. I teach high school students and it is like torture for them to not text during class and they do all sorts of things to sneak doing it. How can I hire a young person who is not a txting zombie? Sorry again for OT.
I did ask the nanny if the children could have the food and drinks for allergy reasons as well as wanting to teach the children it is never OK to accept gifts or anything from strangers. I just left it out because it was late and I didn't think to add it. The nanny was fine with it (she could not care less really) I also did make a mild comment about paying closer attention to her charges but she didn't respond at all to that. I never saw a more disinterested person in all my life, and as nanny, I see plenty of bad ones!
It must irk you to no end, as a caring and professional nanny, to see people calling themselves nannies who are just lazy and obviously doing it because they think it is an easy job. (Well, the way they do it, they make it easy by NOT DOING IT.)
I'm a mom and I see good nannies, bad nannies, average nannies. The good nannies I usually mistake for the child's mom even if they don't look like the kid, because that bond and caring are there that should be there between a kid and the adult tasked with his/her care. Indifference in a caregiver is just awful. :( (And yes, I have seen indifferent parents too, and it breaks my heart.)
I think I may have misstated what I was trying to convey--- while I do think food allergies are important, I do think you made a valid post, and I was by no means trying to discredit that. Thnak you for posting and I agree--- nannies need to be on their game as long as they are on duty. A quick text here and there to solidify a playdate... ok. Talking to your long lost aunt bea... not so much. Thank you OP-- what I originally tried to convey was I agree
Concerned mom. While I totally understand that you don't want anyone who takes care of YOUR kids to use their phone, I think that is ridiculous unless you can find a nanny who has no personal life or family who cares about him/her.
I use my blackberry whenever I need to. I get emails, texts and even facebook messages from one individual for playdates during work and my personal time.
My wonderful employers always encourage me to take phone calls from my husband when he calls. Which has never been more than 3 minutes of a conversation. And if they had an issue with it I would be working somewhere else.
How do you expect your nanny to manage if she can't take reminder calls from the dentist, salon or dr office? How about calls about your new car tires being recalled and needing to be replaced immeadiately. Should you just have them leave a message and call them when you get home after 6 at night when they are already closed?
I think it's appropriate for a nanny to take reasonable calls for a couple of minutes and to excuse herself politely within a reasonable time.
Just remember, we don't have lunch breaks to do so. We live with "our" children every second of the day.
How would you feel if your husband told you that it was not ok to use your phone while caring for the kids? Would that be ok with you?
Listen, I am totally on board with the constant texting being innapropriate but I think you will be making a huge mistake telling your nanny she cant do so period. If anything tell her it's never OK while driving and that goes for you too.
Janet, I am just looking for someone to watch my child for 2-4 hours 1-2x per week. I think that leaves that person adequate other time to take care of personal business, kwim? Of course it would be different if that person were working in my house 8-10 hours a day. I'm not unreasonable! I'd probably put them on my cell phone plan.
I just don't know how to communicate that the "social" texting and calling is not OK, just as it wasn't OK when I did babysitting in the past to sit and gab on a landline phone or spend that time writing love letters to my sweetie - without seeming too harsh. Back when I was a babysitter, these things went without saying, but it's clear that many sitters and nannies assume that texting for 1/2 hour while not looking up is somehow OK or any different.
And I don't like it when nannies say, well would YOU do these things that you are asking of your nanny? Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, but I AM NOT MY OWN EMPLOYEE. A business owner might use the business phone to make personal calls - because it's THEIR business. Doesn't mean it's unfair if they ask their employees not to make personal calls on the business phone! Nannies are professionals; parents are doing something different than what nannies are doing.
When a babysitter or nanny is on the clock, they have one job: take care of the kids. When a parent is watching their own kids, they are not WORKING per se. They can use their time as they see fit. Doesn't mean they should neglect their children, of course, and I'd be just as appalled at a mom sitting texting for 1/2 an hour. But it does mean that it is absurd to ask that parents can't ask their nanny to do or not do something WHILE THEY ARE PAYING HER unless they always, 24/7, do that thing or don't do that thing themselves.
Am I making any sense here? If I clean my own house, I might leave it messy for several days in a row. No one has any right to tell me not to unless it's a hygiene hazard or something, although everyone would agree it's not the *best*. But if I *hire* someone to clean my house, and they leave it messy for days in a row...THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING. Because it's not their house. And their sole reason for being in the house is to clean it.
Hopefully that analogy makes my point more clear!
I think the fact that it's just a few hour job does change the way it should be approached. So I think it's appropriate for the baby sitter not to accept messages from friends about random nonsence.
I would make the exception for emergency calls only. I think that is very reasonable in your unique situation.
I'm sorry but I just feel that if you don't want your nanny on the phone for any reason during her 10h+ day that they should rethink the situation.
I mean, if the kids hardly see the parents, shouldn't the parents be spending more time with them to make up for it anyways by maybe doing their calls before they come home or after the hour they get to see them awake. Again, every standard is different and I would be furious if I had a nanny texting and calling people 30min at a time. So I suppose it depends on all situations.
Fact is if you really care about your kids getting quality time you shouldn't be on your phone either with friends for half an hour at a time in the little time you get to see them. You're not being paid. Your a parent and your time means more to them than a nannys- at least it should.
Concerned Mom, my opinion is that valid points but you are sounding a bit hypocritical to me. The impression I'm getting is that just because taking care of your children is not your paying job, you are allowed to take phone calls, etc (which is true). But you make it sound like taking a phone call while caring for children is neglectful.
One point I wanted to bring up--what if you were going to be late coming home from work, or got into a car wreck on the way home and needed to go to the hospital? Would you expect your nanny/babysitter to not take the call? That is how it comes off when you say that a childcare provider shouldn't spend "even part of the time" on the phone.
While I definitely don't condone excessive texting or talking, I think there are some situations in which it is definitely appropriate to pick up the phone.
OK, um....when my older kids were "going to the park age", there was no such thing as texting, and cell phones were a new item...and very expensive to use at that. I managed to spend hours upon hours in a row away from my phone and still managed to maintain outside friendships, relationships with my family, get tires on my car when it was necessary, get haircuts, and make it to my various appointments...and even shore up plans for playdates. It can be done ladies, without ignoring kids while out in public. Small kids usually take naps. Appointments can be made during that time. I mean, how many appointments does one need to schedule in any given day anyway? This is a ridiculous idea that we have come to accept in our society where one's job should not interfere with one's personal life! If you really need that much "me time" during that day, a job takling care of children might not be for you. Get a job where if you get distracted and forget you're at work the chance of a child being harmed as a result is zero....or less. I'm just saying....
I think I have been misunderstood. I certainly don't mean that anyone (a parent...nanny...2 hour babysitter) should not take an important phone call that could not be avoided.
My point (in my later posts) is as follows.
It is not a good idea for anyone caring for a child to be texting for 30 minutes while the child is fending for themselves. I think we can all agree on that.
However.
The fact that I may take personal phone calls and make texts in the context of family life does not mean that it is inappropriate for me to ask a babysitter NOT to.
The babysitter is not *living* with my kids. She has other time to do personal stuff. My family time *is* my personal time. Surely Janet and others are not suggesting I should only take personal phone calls when I have a babysitter to watch my kids? lol.
Again, to make it clear. OUTSIDE of CLEARLY neglectful behavior, it's a parent's choice how they want to parent. And parents are with the children all the time - sometimes interacting directly, sometimes trying to do things OTHER than parenting while the children are there. A sitter is supposed *ONLY* to be doing childcare, and so the arguments for *needing* to do personal things are somewhat different...is this really so hard to understand? Parenting is a job that you do *while* you do all the family business. When I babysit, however, I don't do personal or family tasks. I watch the kids I am paid to sit. Period. (WITH the obvious exception of important, unavoidable phone calls. Etc.)
However, all of this is beside the point. A nanny or sitter is an employee, hired to do a job. It really should not matter how the parent parents...if your employer is a huge hypocrite who never interacts with her kids, but asks you to do art projects with them, is it reasonable for you NOT to do the projects b/c you know your employer doesn't? Absurd.
You do the projects because that's a reasonable part of your job and your boss asked you to. Whether your boss does that job herself while you are not there is totally beside the point.
I do babysit for my friends' kids and follow any instructions they may give me, because it is their kid and their choice. If I don't follow (reasonable!) instructions, I am not doing a good job.
You can say a mom is not doing a good job if she doesn't practice best practices in parenting, but she is not a bad EMPLOYEE. Babysitter texting while kids run amok = cause for firing. Mom texting while kids run amok = cause for tsk tsk, but unless kids are in serious danger, that is just the way things are.
Parents. Nannies. Not the same thing.
And if anyone managed to get from that that I somehow am defending parents who text for 30 minutes while their kids play unattended, then I failed in my clarification.
I am spending too much time on this...hopefully someone gets what I am trying to say! (thumbs community college course catalog for Communications 101 - apparently I need a refresher, lol!)
I think that if a job interfers with your personal life it is time to look for another job. ? We do not allow personal phone calls at work unless it is an emergency. Cell phones are not to be on while working. Use them on your break or your lunch. You cannot surf the web or check your email unless it is company email. We have jobs to do, and are being paid very well to do them. If someone needs to speak to you during working house then have them call and tell the operator that it is an emergency.
When my kids are at the park with the nanny I would expect that she would be watching my kids and not reading a magzine or texting or chatting away on the phone.
When the kids are in the house and playing in their playroom or having quiet time , sure go ahead and make your appointments. You are in the house and they should be safe from strangers and they can use the bathroom without your help (if they are old enough) I see no reson for anyone to ignore the children they are getting paid to watch period! I get calls when I am with my kids too. I still am standing by the kids at a park and not sitting "aways away" from them. I am making sure they do not fall off the swings or slides. I am standing right there. At home I can walk in to the room where they are at and make sure they are not up to something. AND if the caller is long winded I also have no probelm telling them I have to check on the kids and do not have time to chat. It just depends I guess what is more important your kids, the kids you are watching or your phone.
Concerned mom I think people get what your trying to express.
I think you miscommunicated the "Even part of the time" phrase to clear things up.
Listen, I have a little one who still naps twice a day. So that's when I return calls for appointments for missed calls for what I consider important. My employers work with my husband. They know he doesn't have any time for long conversations. Before you guys think I'm on the phone all day.
Oh gosh pls excuse the crazy sentence in the third paragraph- I'm sure you guys are bright enough to comprehend what was expressed.
Concerned mom, your not a bad person and shouldn't feel guilty telling your baby sitter what your rules are. If she doesn't like it she can always go somewhere else. In a previous job I also kept my phone off because the kids didn't nap and I was soooo busy with them. Plus I was young and didn't have any important things to take care off. Such as silly housing inspections, car repairs, counselor appointments, salon appointments, transportation and dinner reservations for out of town guests, ronald mcdonald hospital food drives etc). Thank goodness I have a great family and shorter hours now to take care of these things in my time.
Good night guys!
*You're*- sorry
Lovesthegirls, no worries I took no offense to what you pointed out, I just wanted to clear up the fact that yes I did check with the adult supposedly caring for the children first.
Concerned Mom, yes it does irk me to see so many neglectful nannies and parents out there. It's a shame you need to take a test and obtain a license to drive a car but any idiot can have a child.
If you are having any type reactions to food, it may be necessary to have your doctor run food allergy tests. This could help to avoid some of the food allery symptoms.
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