Reveived Monday, September 15, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I would like some nanny and parent feedback on this issue please. I work for a nice family and have for about 2 years. I met another nanny down the street and she sometimes comes over for coffee and hangs with my younger charge and I from time to time (all to the parents' knowledge). The youngest has just headed off to Kindergarten and she has now started asking me to do things with her during the time he is gone.
I expressed interest in joining Weight Watchers and she said she would go with me during the day. I said I first had to clear it with my employer to which she said, "Why on earth, just do it they will never know. I do whatever I choose and use their car to do it. No one has to know".
She then proceeded to tell me she has regular nail and hair appointments, goes shopping and hangs at Starbucks all during working hours and using her employer's car. I am not comfortable doing these things without first clearing it with my boss. I'm sure she would not mind but still I need the ok from her.
Am I wrong in this thinking? She only does this while the kids are in school and when she has all of her things done in the house. I just feel uncomfortable with doing it. Is this a big deal or not?
39 comments:
If you feel that you should clear it with your employer then definitely do so, you'll just not be comfortable if you don't.
I have a lot of down time while the kids are at school and I don't hesitate to get my nails done or run personal errands during that time. I know my boss doesn't mind at all, but if I felt weird about it I would just simply say, "So-and-so would like me to join her at WW. Is that ok with you?"
It's nice that you're so very considerate, don't feel bad about that at all.
I agree with Emily. Are you a live-in nanny? Because generally live-ins (like me) are free to use the car on personal time, and are free to do what we want when the kids are in school if we have nothing else we're supposed to be doing for work. When I started my job my employers specifically told me that when the kid is in school I can do whatever I want - so I do. Generally it's just not a big deal at all. But it's nice of you to ask, and I'm sure your employers will appreciate it.
Definitely clear this with your employers. It would of course depend on your personal arrangement, but I could see either perspective. If my nanny were free all day while kids were in school, I would clearly specify during work agreement whether she was considered "working" or off during those hours. If they are added as part of your working hours, I think it is inappropriate to get regular personal things done. I would never schedule nail appts or ww visits during my job, even if I knew I had down time. However, if those are her off work time and regular working hours are considered before/after school, then I would not mind.
I would clear it with them. You will feel bad if you don't, and it's just good business practice. That way, they can't someday say, "We never gave you permission to do such-and-such on the clock!"
Wow, another nanny beaten into absolute servitude. Do you chart your bowel movements for them too?
I am not a nanny and I don't use a nanny but why the hell would you clear an outing that didn't involve children with your employer. You are allowed to roam free or does your ball and chain only have a 6 foot radius?
If you are the kids emergency contact make sure the school has your cell phone number. Some families employ nannies during school hours so that they don't have to leave work if the school takes an unexpected half day.
I'm confused. Isn't she working full time and on the clock even though kids are at school? Maybe I misunderstood that part, but I thought that was the point of OP's question.
How is this an abusive employer if nanny is being paid during that time to request that she work rather than run personal errands on a regular basis?
It sounds like some sort of slavery to me too. We are assuming that the nanny would have all of her job requirements completed, not that she would be shirking any task to go. The nanny probably carries a cell phone as the emergency contact, so it won't matter where she is so long as she isn't too far from home or school.
Some of you nannies. Cripe manetti, I must wonder how you were raised to grow up and serve so dutifully as a peasant to another. You do realize that your employer is your equal, don't you?
And you do realize that and person who trusts a nanny to be alone with their children must assume that the nanny will act responsibly, both when with the child and while the child is on a playdate or in school.
The question, my friends, is moot.
You still haven't answered how it is similar to slavery? If you are being paid to be working, isn't it fair to expect that your employer can dictate the job description and state it include not doing routine personal issues. I understand doctor appts, important calls, etc. But getting your nails done while you are working? Really? And you think this is okay to ASSUME an employer would be fine with, while they are paying you?
Great if your employer says okay, but to assume this seems really entitled to me. Not to mention OP clearly states the other nanny is using employers car, thus likely employer is funding gas and wear/tear during this time. Plus, there is clearly the hint of intentional deception in the statement, "Why on earth, just do it they will never know. I do whatever I choose and use their car to do it. No one has to know". This does not sound like an honest or honorable person.
Sedara,
Asking if it is OK to go to the gym while you are on the clock, being PAID for your time is not being a slave, it is being a responsible employee.
OP, Sit down with your employer and discuss what her expectations are for the time the children are in school. If she is keeping you on full time salary to cover sick days and school vacations, and you have free time, she probably won't mind your doing things for yourself. Make sure however, that you are doing what you can during that time for the children.....organize their stuff, make some cookies, etc.
I would definitely say something to your employer to the effect of "I'd like to run some personal errands when the child is in school- do you mind?" This way they won't be surprised later to learn that you aren't sitting at home all day long. I believe that as long as you are readily available to care for the child if they need to be picked up from school or something, and as long as you have done whatever errands you previously agreed to with the family, there is no problem in it.
I do think there is a problem with hiding it though- it just makes it seem like you don't trust them, and that they shouldn't trust you. Why not just be open and okay about it, ya know?
Hey there OP,
As a nanny I would say that you should ask them in general if it's okay for you to run some errands in the neighborhood while you are on the job.
I feel that as nannies we SHOULD be able to get SOME personal things done, since we work such long hours and don't have enough time outside work.
But asking first would be better than feeling uncomfortable the whole time, or else getting caught and looking bad on the job.
I think it is not a big deal.As a nanny,if we take care of the kids and our work,we can do something else that we like and need in the spare time.I am sure the employer will be happy if you really doing a good job in taking care of their kids.
Sedara & anti-slavery: did you actually read the OP's post? She's getting paid for her working hours, it makes sense that she would only feel comfortable going to a WW meeting if her boss knows what she's up to. It absolutely blows my mind that you think being a considerate employee is tantamount to being a slave.
Op, you really should sit down with your boss and ask. It is just respectful. Its really not a big deal, but you should still ask.
Sedara and anti-slavery-just because ppl are nannies doesn't mean that they shouldn't take their job seriously. If you were like a waitress, secretary, lawyer, doctor, you can't just get up and go get your nails done. Lucky for us nannies though, we do have a job that may allow us freedom to do personal stuff for ourselves, however its only respectful to ask your employers what their expectations are and especially if you're using their car.
If you are on paid time with your employer, then of course you should ask if it's alright to go on a personal outing. Why on earth is that slavery? Like any other job, it would be dishonest and irresponsible to take off just because your boss wouldn't know.
The nanny says she has been with the family for two years, if she has to ASK to go spend time with a friend who nannies for a family down the block, then she is not even human. She is an indentured servant. This is disgraceful, despicable and anti- American. Does OP bow and curtsey to her employers too? I shudder to think. I seriously shudder to think.
If it were me, I might TELL my employer that I would be out Wednesday mornings and that I could be reached on my cell phone. I wouldn't give the bitch one more smidge of information. You know the greedy white folk will just use it against you anyway. I don't need Mr. Drummond talking about my pap smear, thank you very much.
Yolanda--paranoid much? Just because you think your boss is a bitch doesn't mean the rest of us are so unfortunate. This is a new situation for the OP, even though she's been with the family for 2 years, up until now the youngest has been home with her most of the day.
OP, you have great instincts. I wouldn't listen to the few bitter nannies on this site. Do what you think is right.
What does it matter what you do during the school hours if you have everything done for your job?? You should be able to do as you please! No need to ask! Thats absurd! We are adults..not slaves.
I don't think anyone should listen to Emily. I mean Emily sounds like someone owns her soul outright, which I am sure is wonderful for her employers but it is not right or correct for an American adult to be so submissive to another.
I agree that so long as you are not shirking and responsibilities, do your own thing. Surely, after two years, you know what your responsibilities are.
I would suggest that this is only applicable if you carry a cellphone and if the school has that cellphone on file. Me, I rarely leave the house during the day but the phone rings non stop ever since the mrs. bought illegal drugs online through a pharmacy in India, so I NEVER answer it. I only answer my cell so it wouldn't matter if I was lying on the sofa watching Maury or eating a magic skillet crepe.
I have been a nanny for the past 4 years to school-aged kids. They are in school from 8-3 and during that time I am allowed to do whatever I choose to do. That is of course, if the laundry is finished and the house is picked up after breakfast, just so as long as I do those 2 things, I am free to roam. I am "on call" of course, so whatever I am doing I must drop if I am needed with the kids.
I never had to ask to do any of this though, it was just assumed by me. Do my employers expect me to sit at home all day and just wait for the kids??? NO! of course not. Do what you have to do and do it and just make sure you are there at the drop of a hat if you are needed, and of course stay close by.
REMEMBER that all anonymous posts will be deleted. Pick a name, a moniker, a set of initials or a spice for heaven's sake.
Y is for yolanda
racist much?
marissa donofrio: no one owns my soul, but I am able to cast myself into the role of mother very easily. I think that makes my advice unique, because I can imagine both sides--but you can take it or leave it as you like.
marissa
why does the phone ring constantly since the mrs. bought illegal drugs online through a pharmacy in India- are they trying to bully her into buying more??
Thank you, Mint Julep!
Clearly it's the same nanny posting over and over and over that we must be "slaves" if we check our job responsibilities with our employers. Yet she has still failed to give any actual explanation for why this is slave-like.
I think it's pretty clear from the majority of responders that it would be a good idea to just check in with your employer and get an okay. That way OP won't worry and will actually get to enjoy her downtime. Sounds like the employer is a normal person and is going to say fine. If they don't say fine, there are probably bigger issues with the job anyway.
fefe larue,
yes, every illegal pharmacist in every country seems to be calling the house. All day long. It's uncivilized. The pills made my normally reasonable employer a total bitch for a month. Her husband pinned her down and took the pills from her forcibly and flushed them down the toilet.
I can see myself as a mother too, emily. But when I picture myself as a mother, I picture myself raising my child. That's just how I roll.
I personally would not do anything without letting my employer know about it. If it is understood that I can run errands etc and we have discussed it and it was ok'd then sure. But in this situation, I would certainly want permission from my nanny family to sign up for this program. They deserve to know where you are especially if it is on their dime.
Whats with the attacks on Emily? Not only do I agree with her on this issue 100%, but I usually find her posts to be honest and intelligent.
Thanks Umass! Right back at ya!
And marissa, I'm not limited to imagining one kind of life for myself. Just because I wouldn't make a certain choice doesn't mean that I can't imagine myself making them. Maybe you should try it some time, it makes it considerably easier to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes.
Hey guys, OP here. Thanks for the comments. I do not in any way feel like a slave. That's hilarious. I would be using the family car to run my own errands and go to WW meetings, to me it's just considerate to ask. I do my grocery shopping while doing the family's shopping and then drop it off at my apt. something my boss suggested. I am paid a full time salary and know like any job I am entitled to some down time. I just feel like my new friend makes these things sound sneaky and I'm not comfortable with it. My boss of course said going to a WW meeting was cool as I new she would. I am a responsible person and feel it is common courtesy to clear these things first. I really don't understand how that's slavery at all.
Right on, Emily: I couldn't agree with you more! Some people obviously need to broaden their horizons and their life's perspective!
Good for you, OP! You did the right thing, the professional thing, the mature thing.
Yolanda...are you sure "Y" isn't also for "Y can't I keep a job for more than two months?"
OP has this thing called a "work ethic." It means she takes pride in doing an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. It makes her feel like a good person that she is actually doing the job her employers believe she is doing in their absence. It's called having ethics and a sense of moral responsibility.
I admire people with a good work ethic and an honest nature, such as OP exhibits.
Sure a boss and employee may be equals....as afr as human beings go anyway. But they are not equals in the workplace, that's for darn sure. And let me tell ya, most bosses don't go around paying people good money just to prove that they feel equal to them. Usually the employee has to provide some service that is equal to the amunt of money they are being paid. See, that way everybody wins.
In the slave trade, the "boss" does not pay the "employee" any money. See the difference? Hope that clears up the ridiculous slave chatter.
OP good for you for upholding your moral standards and doing what you knew was the right thing by asking. Now you don't have to be looking over your shoulder waiting to be "caught." And I'm sure your asking just reaffirmed to your employer what an honest person you are and a gem of an employee.
I think the Upper East side is exhaling a collective sigh of relief.
Thank you Emily for helping us keep the help in line!
You know zzzzz, if you took my advice and put yourself in your/a nanny's shoes, you might not use the word "help" as it has negative connotations these days.
Emily,
I think ZZZZZZZ is being sarcastic.
I usually try not to respond to the trolls, but I have to say, the nanny or nannies who are ranting about slavery, indentured servitude etc. must be so incompetent, lazy, or poorly qualified that they aren't able to get great jobs with terrific families, ergo their bitterness.
Manhattan nanny,
yes it sounds like sarcasm but that doesn't make it nice. I didn't find it funny, personally.
And I agree with you about the nannies who are ranting. Again, I cannot imagine not letting my employer know that I am taking a class (even if it is weight watchers) during work hours. That just sounds so crazy to me. OP sounds like a great nanny who has plenty of common sense and good instincts, imo.
Yes, employers and employees ARE equals. But the employer has the right to terminate the employee for violating the terms of the work agreement or not performing the job duties as required and expected, thereby leaving the employee with zero income.
So by all means, anti-slavery, why not just inform your boss that since you are equals, you have decided that SHE will now pay YOU for doing personal errands and relaxing, and HER new job duties will include caring for her own children and ensuring that YOUR needs are met satisfactorily.
OP,
What did you decide?
Did you make it to the weight watchers meeting?
Did you clear it with your employer?
Did any of this advice help?
UPdate us, Please!
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