Thursday

Mom Incensed By Nanny's Demand For Extra Pay ....

UPDATE:
Received Thursday, September 25, 2008
Hi MPP. I just wanted to drop a thank you note and update. I posted two weeks ago when I was upset that my nanny had asked for a raise in pay in a less than tactful way because my child was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. The comments and advise I received were supportive and helpful (with the notable exception of one unkind poster), and help me calm myself down and have what turned into a series of very productive discussions with my nanny. First, I told her I considered her request, but since she does not have any additional skills to help him right now, and he is not difficult to care for right now (which she agreed is the case too), and is actually doing less hours for the same money, I would not consider her for a raise until her normal yearly review date. She seemed to understand and did not argue. To clear the air, I told her I was hurt by the way she broached the subject and her comparisons. She apologized profusely and explained she did not mean it as an insult. She went on to say she realizes she makes good money, but that there was a specific reason she decided she needed more. She said working with my son, seeing how we both dismissed "quirks" that turned out to be so much more, and observing the evaluators and therapists that see him have inspired her to go back to school to become a special education teacher. (She already has a degree in an unrelated field). I felt good that she really was the person I thought she was. However, the discussion got me thinking about how my graduate school was funded--my firm fully paid for me to get my Masters in a part time evening program in return for me signing a contract to commit to achieving B+ or better grades and working for them for two years following completion of my degree or reimburse them for my tuition. I took a good look at the school she mentioned she had been looking into (and my finances) and decided to make my nanny the same offer since her education would benefit my son. Plus, having her commit to staying with us while working towards and after getting her degree is a big plus--she gets to work towards entering the field she wants and we get a nanny with increasing levels of training in caring for special needs children and don't have to worry about transitioning to a new nanny and can focus on my son's treatment. I made her the offer tonight and she seemed very happy, but I told her to not jump at it right away and take a week to think carefully about whether she really wants to make the grades and time commitment (there were times I was not happy about the restrictions when getting my Masters), but it looks like things will work out.

ORIGINAL POST
Received September 13, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Am I being insensitive or is my nanny? I am a full time working Mom and was a fairly regular ISYN poster until a few months ago. During that time I have been busy visiting doctors and taking my youngest for tests. He is two now and still is not talking, does not seem to always hear us when we call, and some behaviors that started as funny quirks have turned downright odd (like spinning all over the room like a top, and almost obsessively lining up toys, silverware, etc).

After a month of tests and doctors, he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. He has started behavioral therapy at a school nearby five days a week for three hours a day and has speech therapy in my home three days a week for 45 minutes.

Today my nanny told me that since she is taking care of a "special needs" child she should get a significant raise and babbled on about someone she knows who takes care a retarded (her term, not mine) boy and makes much more than her. I was taken aback (and honestly insulted), bit my lip and told her we would discuss it next week, but the more I think of it the angrier I get.

I pay well--about 10% above my neighbors and my son is not any extra burden--he is the same sweet, funny child he was last month and all she needs to do that's "extra" is transport him to a pre-school like program a year earlier than we planned. And, rather than having to engage and play with a toddler for 9 hours a day, she has 3 to 4 hours a day where she is not responsible for him and can relax and do what she wants. Part of me wants to tell her no way and if you don't like the job leave, but she does a good job and does seem to genuinely care for my children.
I know that I am overly emotional right now--but am I wrong to be offended by her request and am I wrong to say no?

19 comments:

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

OP
I am so glad it worked out for you! I think that sounds like a wonderful (and generous) offer, and hope your Nanny uses it to her benefit.
Thank you so much for the Update!

Sarah said...

Thanks for updating us! I am SO glad it worked out the way it did for you guys. It sounds like this is the best possible situation you could have had!

SFGiants Fan said...

Awesome! Great job negotiating, OP!

:)

Anonymous said...

Wow... you do sound like an awsome person to work for.

Thank you for understanding and talking to your nanny and good thing you did after you cooled off.

I am happy the everything worked out for you.

Deni said...

wow what a terrific employer you are! :)

Anonymous said...

I agree with all the posters. You sound awesome. What a lucky nanny...

I hate to be a downer, but just remember to have a written contract that clearly spells out the deal. It may seem awkward but good intentions have a way of going awry sometimes.

Good luck and thanks for the update.

UNIDAD said...

All I can say to you, OP, is WOW! Making the comparison of you working on your masters degree to your nanny getting a degree in special education was a wonderful idea! You are right in that it will benefit your family while she gains experience in the field and it will help your nanny tremendously! Congrats and kudos to you for bringing up all that you were worried about and making it work for all involved. I'd work for you ANYday! Take care!

Anonymous said...

OP: wow, you rock.

Anonymous said...

So awesome! You are truly a wonderful employer, OP. Best of luck to you and your nanny with the new arrangement. I hope she takes advantage!

UmassSlytherin said...

So glad to read this update OP, you should feel really good about what you are doing.

Well done, and good luck to you in the future! I hope other employers read this post and see how they should approach situations like this because you did it perfectly!

Anonymous said...

Not to be a downer. I fully support you OP and it does sound like you have done everything right. Congrats on having such great communication with your nanny. I think the offer to pay for her education is extremely kind. And this is where I can offer some advice.

We were in a simliar situation with our nanny of 5 years. She wanted to go back to school which was 12n-2p. Of course this was really terrible hours for us. I had a newborn baby and two older kids who needed to gether back an forth from school, along with a whole list of other medical issues. But we loved our Nanny and had a big talk with her. We said we were glad to keep her on part time while she did this, even though it wasn't ideal for us. In the interim we would look for a replacement ft nanny. Nanny agreed. I hired someone FT who was GREAT. Shortly afterwards Nanny#1 approached me to say that she really wants to reutrn to working for us full time when she is done with class in one month. I ask her ten different ways if she is sure, becuase I've had doubts since #3 was born. She was amazing with my older two, but seemed learly of starting over with a new baby. However, she had been with us 5 years and my loyalty was to her so I agreed that she could come back to FT in a month. I sturggled through telling the truth to the newly hired nanny who took the news graciously. Anyway, Nanny#1 did return to ft upon completeing her degreed in Child Care Provider (some state licensing degree, not a BA or ECE). Within two weeks she told us she felt she needed to move on afterall! Of course I was hurt and betrayed. But she ageed to give a month notice and made a gracious exit such that she still watches my kids on occasional Sundays.

So, OP, I think my rambling lesson is just to be careful. She may agree to stay for two years, and then just disappear; or worse stay and be miserable. I do truly hope it all works out for you and you sound like a very giving person, just please be careful.

Anonymous said...

Wow OP you sound like a really nice person.

Not only will this help your son but it will help your nanny in the future when she eventually moves on. You are helping her with a career that will have a lasting impact on all the children she works with.

Look into the tax credits for all this. You might be able to claim the lifetime learning credit but I don't think you would be able to claim the hope tax credit.

One caveat though, if you both agree to this I would have something written down. That way there are no misunderstandings and if something were to happen you and your nanny know what will happen....ie will she have to pay you back?

Anonymous said...

Wow! You're an awesome boss!

Anonymous said...

You're nanny is super lucky. I know about a million mothers that would NOT have taken this outlook.

I'm in graduate school, and I would kill for the chance to have it paid for. But, I'd be hesitant to take an offer like that from my boss, friend, or even my family. I feel really indebted to my family already for their extremely kind gift of fully funding my undergrad degree. I'd feel like I could never move on, or repay you for funding something so big for me. I hope your nanny realizes how big this is, and how you are going to really change her life. While, obviously she can't work for you forever, I hope she pays it forward in her future career and learns something from your remarkable kindness. It's not everyday that nanny's employers see the parallels in their lives. Too often employers don't realize that we're equals. You have a big heart and that alone will touch those around you. Lucky nanny!

Anonymous said...

Hooray for you OP!

Anonymous said...

Great news! Thank you for such a great and positive update.
This sounds like a perfect solution for you, your nanny, and your son.
Like the others said, get it all down on paper.

kathleencares said...

Wow, that really did all work out for hte best. That is a really generous offer - you nanny is very lucky!

Anonymous said...

OP-

How very kind and thoughtful of you to take her degree into consideration and to use it to both of your advantages! It is clearly going to benefit both of you in the long run and your nanny and your son are really both very lucky!

Anonymous said...

wow OP you sound like an amazing employer. Can I come work for you?!