Received Sunday, August 24, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Kathy Ware’s twin girls were 2 1/2-months old when she went back to her high-pressure job as a manager at Wachovia. Her babies were still up and down at different times of the night for feedings.
Her husband, Steve Ware, was in graduate school and, like her, needed his rest. So Ware did what a growing number of exhausted parents are doing these days.
She hired a night nanny. For more, please Click Here.
60 comments:
well, maybe when these babies grow up and have elderly parents that need 24/7 care they will return the favor and hire a stranger to change their diapers..so they don't miss out on any sleep!
How sad.
I don't see this as a bad idea for maybe a few nights a week. Maybe Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, or something. But on the weekends? I mean, if you don't have to get up and go to work in the morning, get up and soothe your children yourself. Seriously.
I see nothing wrong with this, my aunt used night nannying for her twins 2 or 3 times...just as a luxury so she could sleep though the night once and a while and it made all the difference for her sanity. Other than that she was working full time and was up all night.
I think it depends on the situation.
In the case of the couple that had twins then I say if they can afford it then more power to them. If it's someone that simply just wants a child for the status symbol and has nannies caring for their child 24/7 then I would think a night nanny is wrong.
It would have been nice to have a night nanny when my son was a baby. Since my husband was in Iraq I was the only one that woke up with him through the night and I still had a full time job and went to school full time. It was an exhausting year for me and a night nanny would have been a blessing.
That's amazing t.c. I think your situation is a prime example of why a night nanny would work.
Congratulations for surviving your first year of motherhood solo! :)
I think rich people who can afford a night nanny should give the money to people like me so that we can buy more High School Musical and Hannah Montana pajamas for our daughters, and a laptop and new jeans and more Harry Potter action figures for ourselves. Those things are way way more important than these people getting more sleep.
But that's just my opinion.
Hmm... I wish that I could have afforded a night nanny after my twins were born. My husband was away for King Crab season and wasn't home for seven weeks after they were born. Those were some rough times... Thankfully, my siblings helped out, but a night nanny would have been sooo wonderful!!!
If you can afford it, more power to ya. Seriously, for new parents, I think that any amount of money is worth an uninteruppted night of sleep. I'm not saying having one every night, but a few times a week would probably be great.
OMG I would have killed for a night nanny when my first son was a newborn. he ate like a horse...every two hours...all day and all night. Compound that with my irrational fear of SIDS, which compelled me to get up and check on him when I would wake up between feedings. My husband and I woke up more tired every morning than we had been when we fell into bed, exhausted beyond belief already, the night before. This carried on for weeks. Eventually we were both practically insane with sleep deprivation and at each other's throats. So yeah, I would never begrudge a new mom...or any mom...some SLEEP! But I wouldn't have wanted anybody else but me to care fo my son during the day when normal people are awake. I think the extra sleep would have helped me have more energy to be a good mom during the day. Thank goodness my next two kids were moderate eaters and good sleepers!
I really have tried to understand the whole night nanny thing but for some reason cannot grasp it. I am glad that it works well for some parents though,especially those who are going it alone.
I totally understand why someone would need a night nanny, but as usual Umass makes a valid point.
my two cents,
as usual, you are brilliant.
:)
A friend of mine had twins, and we went to visit them. They were completely rested, put together, looked like a million bucks, and were speaking in sing songy voices.
Now, I had been waiting a long time for my vindication, since when she was chldless and I had three little ones, she often popped by cheerfully on her way to work, or wherever, dressed and accessorized to the teeth. Invariably, I would be in park clothes and a ponytail (If I had managed to get that far yet), have an oatmeal handprint somewhere on my body, and have in my hand some sort of soiled cloth from having just cleaned up God knows what. As we chatted, tiny metal vehicles would careen past out feet, or plastic army men in parachutes would fall from the sky around us...and to top it off somebody smelling quite suspicious would inevitably turn up on cue to cling to my leg while we spoke.
When she would leave, as I watched her walk in her high heeled shoes to her clean little sports car, I would think, "Well, I'm sure we've just managed to set her will to bear children back another 5 years."
They moved to another state, and just as mine were all old to behave perfectly predictably and poop in the apropriate receptacles, they had a son and then twins within a couple of years. We went for a visit. And they looked like I described above. What gives? A night nurse.
Now,I'm sure its not cheap...and I could have never afforded it when I needed one...but a girl can dream...even if it is retroactively...can't she?
you gals are crazy!!tee-hee
mom as usual, your story was hysterical"somebody smelling quite suspicious would turn up"
I would swear you are watching me and writing everything down!!!
Last week somewhere on a thread you talked about bells and whistles going off if your children were not there when you went to the bathroom . So I thought I'd share this with you.
2 weeks ago my girls were at grandmas house for a few days.
My husband & I were watching a movie and I got up to go to the bathroom. A minuite later I yelled to my husband,"honey can you pls come play with the tiolet paper and pull on my leg" his exact response(after notable silence)"thats kinda kinky hun, not sure thats going to turn me on", My response,"yeah, but I haven't peed without somebody doing those things for 2 yrs and now I can't go!!" We had a good laugh.
Some of our stories are so similar mom, guess motherhood is similar for a lot of women.
I would not trade any of it though, I figure I can pee, eat, sleep,talk on the phone and nap when I send my last one off to college!..Maybe!
Then I will change my moniker to: does this empty house make my moniker look rested?
I was always tired, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Some of my best memories were those late night feedings, all cuddled up alone with a newborn. I don't mind having someone help me, but some things just aren't worth the trade.
Mom and Butt looks big, the both of you are really funny, talented writers. Have you ever thought to do anything with that?
OK ladies...to many thought as I read the two posts after mine.
First, I would not have traded a single moment either. And yes, I would live in those days forever if I was allowed to. All I can say is I've spent every possible moment wiht my kids for all of these years...and it still went by way too fast. Thank God I don't have the regret of having missed any of it. My little boy turned 18 today! He goes to college in one more year...a thought over which I started shedding tears at random, and increasingly often, intervals a good six motnhs ago. I have been through this once beofre...and it does not get easier...it gets harder...because my house is getting emptier. I used to cross stitch, and made two whole birth samplers for my oldest before he was born (plus sewed all of his crib and nursery bedding, curtains, etc. myself. Why? Because after tons of searching I could not find anything pre-made that I thought was special enough for my baby.) Second son's birth sampler was finished about the time he turned one. Daughter's birth sample is somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 completed....14 years later! No time for stitching and raising three kids. But she will get it one day. But what brought me to this subject is that I have a cross stitch project, fractionall finished, in my sewing box that I bought probably right after finishing son #2s sampler. It is called like something like "I'd rather be a mother." It is a poem about how rewarding and busy it is to be a mom. I remember the last line still.."If my doorbell doesn't shine, their eyes will shine instead." I think of that sampler from time to time...and the irony is not lost on me. I started it as I was starting my family. I planned to hang it be a reminder to me, during the hectic times, of what is actually important in raising kids...and in the business of being their mom, I will complete it with an empty house. And I will probably cry.
BUTT Looks Big...you reminded me of this story. One night, long after the kids were asleep, I walked into the family room, where my husband was watching television, and yelled, "Everybody get your shoes on and get into the car!" Then I sat down at the table to wait for them to come running. (This was our typical roundup for going out ritual.)I sat there patiently, waiting for th ekids to come bounding down, shoes in hand, until my husband turned to look at me really weird, and said, "Are you OK?" I suddenly relaized what I had done and we laughed. That's how tired I got sometimes. Once I filled the ice trays with water and put them in the cupboard with the plates. My husband said, "Are you feleing OK?" I said "Yeah, why?" as I went normally about my business. He said, "Do you think you're going to make ice in there?"
And mrs, here's a heartwarming (not) story about late night feeding for you. (Although normally I did love the feedings.) After the experience of being up all night every night feeding son #1, we wised up and decided to keep son #2 in with us. Much better...and he was a more modest eater anyway. But still I was sooo tired all the time. So one night I woke up to find that my baby...who was still essentially a newborn, and too small to move hmself anywhere, so I am still curious to know how he did this....had somehow navigated his tiny little self across the bed to my dangling boobie, latched himself on and was having his meal...all without waking me up. I felt horribly guilty wondering if he had cried and I had slept through it...and maybe he had been forced to inch his little self across the bed, through his tears, to find his own meal, while bad mommy sawed zzzzs. I remember thinking, "I suck."
OH, an here's possibly the worst thing of all. (I believe I have mentioned my unreasonable fear of SIDS? And have I mentioned that my husband had no patience for this fear?) So I would check the babies when I woke up, until they were one year old and past the danger. So...baby son #2 now sleeps in our bed, or in his litte bouncy chair next to the bed. I woke up one random night and felt for the baby to make sure all was well. I felt something hard, and in my half-sleep stupor,I thought, "Rigor mortis! Quick! mabe oyu can still rouse him before it's to late! So I grabbed the baby, by what turned out to be his head (that's the hard thing I had touched in the first place) and picked him up all the way out of the bed...by his HEAD. Naturally, he was startled awake and started screaming. This woke my husband, who sat up, alarmed and said, "What? Huh? What's wrong with the baby!" I said, "I don't know. Go back to sleep. I'll take care of him."
(See why I am sympathetic to thoss with night nurses? hehehe)
So to answer your question, mrs...yes, I have thought of writing a book...and posting it HERE! hehehe
mom, you really should write a book! the Mrs. The Mrs. is right!
mom, I have to agree with the girls: if you wrote a book, I would buy that shi** so fast!!! :) It would be so hilarious and sweet I'll bet, lots of laughs and tears as well! I think everyone on this blog would buy it! :)
"one night I woke up to find that my baby...who was still essentially a newborn, and too small to move hmself anywhere, so I am still curious to know how he did this....had somehow navigated his tiny little self across the bed to my dangling boobie, latched himself on and was having his meal..."
*This is a beautiful and natural scene, Mom. And it will explain why your baby did that. Enjoy!
Mom, the part I really wanted you to see starts at about 2:00.
It's really amazing! It's all instinct!
I think this sounds perfect! I mean, at least a few nights a week anyway!! I am no martyr (neither is hubby) and I don't really see the value in depriving yourself to the point of exhaustion. Parenthood is hard enough; if you can afford to make it a bit easier...lucky you!
Too each their own though...some parents want each and every minute of it...whateva floats your boat. But my husband and I have already started socking away the 'nanny fund'.
Hi
I am a Night Nanny...I just kind of happened in to it. The few families that have hired me for such were very legit cases and I felt that they really needed my service and I was glad to be able to help. First family had twins and hubby traveled M-Th. The baby's were up every 1 1/2 hrs at night and by the time they were 5 weeks, Mom was practically comatose from lack of sleep. That's when she found me. I felt that by doing the nights, I was giving her the opportunity to function at her best during the day. Second family (singleton), Mom had a history of Depression and Dad was afraid of PPD. So, he hired me to come every other night for the first two weeks to give him a break since he was doing all the night feedings. Third family (twins), Mom and Dad both had to return to work very quickly, so hired me to do weeknights so they could function well on the job. I LOVE being able to rock, feed, soothe these precious little ones and knowing that I enabling these parents to function at their best is important. I don't think I'd feel very good doing this for someone who was just trying to get out of parenting their babies and would probably not take a job from a family like that. Just giving another perspective. : )
night nanny, I wish I had the $$ to hire you if I ever have another baby! I definitely *wanted* to do all the nighttime parenting when my daughter was an infant, but my husband was working mostly from home and I wasn't working at all. Now, with another kid to take care of and my husband having a much more demanding job (that he must do in an office for many hours a day), I think I might go crazy with a newborn - it's one of the reasons I don't have another one yet!!
I don't judge anyone hiring a night nanny. I'm sure the vast majority of people who do so have good reasons to. I would hope that the people who truly don't want to parent their own kids, and who thus over-rely on paid help, are rare.
Just to clarify my comment, I *did* do all of the nighttime parenting when my daughter was a baby, as was my preference. But I was able to do so because I had lots of help and support. Upon re-reading my comment, that part of it doesn't seem clear.
this is all so familar. heh.
if babies are young enough to need to wake up at night and feed, i think their mother's should be nursing them.
lindalou not all mothers CAN nurse. I couldn't. My son was allergic to breast milk along with milk based and soy based formula. The only thing he could tolerate was Nutramigen.
I was the same way when I was a infant too
It would be nice if all mothers tried to breastfeed but I won't condemn a mother that doesn't or decides it's not working for their families.
"This is for you mom"
Wow! That video is incredible! Thank you for sharing. I feel less guilty now. So he just smelled his way to the food...which was probably actually a function of him being so new! You know, as moms we always want to do everything for our babies...but nature builds in ways for the baby to help with hios own survival as well I see. Maybe this function helped in nature when moms were not delivering babies in sterile hospitals, with the ability to combat the smallest complications on a moments notice. Maybe this helped babies whose moms might be passed out from the birth for a while to survive until she regained her senses?
I don't know. I'm only speculating. But I always thought babies wre 100% helpless for weeks and weeks. Guess I was wrong.
Anyone else think she's WAY underpaid?
Yes, She is underpaid. I had to look twice at the fee range listed in that article.
I get tired of hearing that mothers ought to martyr themselves with all of the midnight feeding duties. Sleep is a human need. Nannies are angels sent from above, and bottles are their divine vessels.
(:
Daddies are pretty good at it too.
paperbagprincess, I LOVE this!!
"Nannies are angels sent from above, and bottles are their divine vessels."
bottles of formula are a poor and inferior substitute for human breasts, which is what babies deserve, regardless of what is easier for their parents.
Not all moms are able to produce enough milk and MUST supplement in order for their child to thrive.
When an infant produces only 2 wet diapers a day and loses 2 lbs in a 5 day period,a bottle of formula is a life saving "sustitute for human breasts."
Every parents situation is different. Your statement is hurtful and judgemental towards those of us unable to breastfeed.
ALWAYS so quick to judge.
Tears streamed down my cheeks when I was eventually forced to admit I was unable to breastfeed my child and gave him his first bottle. That's how "EASY it was for that parent"
It would be nice if you would consider how you affect people on this blog with your negative and demeaning remarks.They come often and they hit hard.
A little empathy or sympathy as a mom and a woman would at times be appreciated.
this thread is about night nurses and the people who hire them, not about the tiny minority of women who physically cannot breastfeed.
i found the remarks about bottles as *divine vessels* to be downright repulsive and that is what i was responding to. anyone who doesn't like it ~ tough. some of us believe nursing is a birthright for babies.
edna, your post could have been mine with my first child, but instead of quitting breastfeeding, i supplimented AND continued to breastfeed AND pump AND take reglan AND follow a special diet. by the time my daughter was three months old, she no longer needed the suppliments and i exclusively breastfed 2 other infants after that. so seriously, if you're asking me to have compassion for some who isn't breastfeeding because they choose to formula feed and hire a night nurse so they can sleep more, you're barking up the wrong tree. if you're asking for compassion with your own situation, i have plenty and i've put my money where my mouth is by helping and supporting other nursing mothers who are having trouble. you made the choice you made and you don't need my approval any more than i need yours for making a different choice. if you have trouble next time, i'd suggest a good lactation consultant or calling your local LLL. there are many remedies for poor milk supply.
Bottles don't only carry formula. The first set of twins, Mom pumped, I fed BM and then followed w/formula if they were still hungry. She never did get a full enough supply to exclusively breastfeed. Second family I worked for I took baby to Mom, she nursed, I burped, diapered and put back to sleep until the next feeding.
Lindalou I do not want to get in to any kind of unpleasantness with you. I respect your view and I don't expect or need approval. I am perfectly content to agree to disagree on this.
I will say one thing though, because it saddens me deeply when I see mothers agonize over the issue of breastfeeding. Has breast milk become such a rarified and sacred commodity that we are willing to overlook the pain and anguish (mental and physical) that it causes some new mothers? Baby formula is not poison, and breast milk is not a cure-all magic potion. Women deserve choices. I am an advocate for mothers, and for women, and things that cause undue anguish to women upsets me. Moms deserve physical and mental integrity and if this is not something a she can reconcile with breast feeding than I support her in whatever way she (and her partner) choose to nourish their baby. Enough of this guilt tripping and constant reinforcement of the 'never good enough' image. It is unfair, unhealthy, and damages women and their families.
Thank you Princess and Edna. I was a mother that agonized over the inability to breastfeed. And it was mothers like Lindalou that made me feel ashamed for it. Sometimes, no matter what we do, or how hard we try, it just isn't going to happen. Some women are lucky that through additional support they are eventually successful, but then others, like me, have health problems that no amount of intervention will prove breastfeeding successful. When I hear comments like that, it makes me feel like a failure. You should keep that kind of negativity to yourself. Praise for woman that can breastfeed is beautiful, but don't think for one minute that those that want to so badly haven't gone through every avenue that they can.
I don't really see what the big deal is: some women breast feed and some do not, for whatever reason its nobody's freaking business but their own. You're going to tell me that just because a woman breast feeds she is a better mother than one who does not? That's balogna. One has nothing to do with the other. I can tell you plenty of stories of kids who are so screwed up and their parents breast fed them until they were past two.
I let my daughter listen to The Beastie Boys. And Eminem, on occasion. She's my freaking kid. Word.
umassslytherin, I could not agree with you more. Personal choice, no one's business.
mom of two, good for you girlfriend, for staying strong through that. No one deserves to be made to feel the way you did.
night nanny (aka 'angel'), feel free to use the 'divine vessel' quote on your business card. (:
lindalou,HOW DARE YOU? Who the hell do you think you are lady?(I use the term loosely)
Do you really think you have the right to (although you tried to hide it)accuse women who are unable to supply milk of giving up?? YOU DON"T!!! You have NO such right!
You supplemented with Reglan? Well let me tell you something,I supplimented with Domperidone and a wire that runs over your shoulder and along the nipple (containing formula)just to help stimulate my milk and avoid nipple confusion. I won't even list the herbs I used.For 6 months I nursed my baby who got NO MILK! I tried LLL,I tried Milking Mothers,I tried a one on one lactation consultant. IT DID NOT WORK. Not all of us are simply new moms who don't know how to breastfeed and need guidance to bring in our milk.
You have a wonderful nack of tearing women down. You try to sound decent but your snooty remarks and demeaning nature always prevail.
You always do your best to make sure that we all know you are "better than the rest of us",that you would NEVER fail at anything and that your way is THE ONLY way.Weather it be BF, Discipline, Nutrition,child abuse issues and I am sure you corner the market in the sack too!
Ask you to show compassion compassion lady? HAH!I would never be so foolish as it is obvious you have none!
Shame on you for making women feel inferior for being unable to BF.
My children were raised on formula. They are gorgeous creatures and they are bright and fun and in no way inferior to your BR babies.
mom of two,you sound like a wonderful women and loving mommy. I know the pain you felt when you were unable to BF and I am so sorry that any women has to know that feeling. Always remember, part of being a fabulous mom,is acknowledging our limits and finding alternative resourses when needed.Also,acknowledging that every woman/mom is different and giving them credit for knowing what they,their bodies and their children are and are not capable of. That makes you an extrordinary women.
PBP,you have class. Thank you for your support.
Breastfeeding is fabulous and for those able to,magnificent. For those unable to or those who choose not to,don't ever let know it all women,who are unable to see that sometimes there is a grey area,make you feel like inferior moms..if your child is healthy and growing and thriving..you are doing your job wonderfully well.
lets see a mommy breastfeeding her precious baby while in the middle of a flame war(this according to her own account on a thread a month or so ago) vs a mommy peacefully sitting in a living room nursing her baby with a warm bottle of Formula? Hmmm thats a hard one.
being sarcastic point to be made
just because you have big milk filled titties,does not make you a good mommy.
I would much rather have a mommy dedicated to feeding me with a bottle,focussing only on me and our bonding,than one BF me while angrily typing away on a computer telling other women what bad mommies they are.
jmo but really I am LMAO off at you for that.
I have a few friends who could not, or chose not to breastfeed. They are amazing mothers who fill me with awe. I was mostly raised on formula, like many in my generation. I like to think it didn't turn out too badly.
Personnally, I am a big supporter of breastfeeding.
But I am an even bigger supporter of mothers making their own choices.
A woman arrives in a doctors examination room. She waits for the doctor to show up. It is the baby's first exam.
After the doctor shows, he examines the baby, checks his weight & height and then asks
"is he breastfed or bottle fed?"
She replies "Breastfed"
He tells her to strip down to her waist. She does. He proceeds to pinch her nipples and rub and knead both breasts for several minutes. He motions for her to get dressed and then says to her" no wonder he is underweight,you have no milk".
She says" I know, I'm his grandma, but I am glad I came with him today." tee-hee
Thought I'd share that with you all..cute huh?
All woman are different. Not every woman's body will produce enough milk to feed her child,Regardless of the many steps she might take to stimulate a healthy milk supply.
As well as some women choose not to BF for other, personal reasons.
To imply that a woman is any less of a mommy or that her child is not getting the best, just because she does not breasfeed is terribly judgmental and simply not true.
I did not breastfeed. Did I want to ? hell yes. did it happen? hell no?
As women we should try to be understanding of other women. As mommies we need to be respectful of other mommies choices.
Viva La Difference!
lmao ewww, blb, that joke made me laugh and feel nauseaus at the same time! (couldn't stop picturing my MIL!) teeeheee! good one! :)
Hehehehe! I loved it, butt looks big! I've never heard that one and I thought I heard them all with 2 brothers!
some of you bitties are unbelieveable. you go our of your way to get completely worked up and do everything you can personalize general opinions. it's fkn stupid and i'm sick of this crap. some stranger doesn't approve of every single thing you do! :::gasp::: get the fk over it, ya bunch of whiners.
Nothing wrong with disagreeing but Lindalou...where is the love?? I think it is more about the way things are said than anything else. For instance, a gentler way of saying the above would be: 'Yes, ladies, lets agree to disagree.'
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your chutzpah, and I think you lend a delightfully original 'spice' to these debates. But some of us bitties are rather faint of heart, and strangely enough are easily wounded by disdainful pronouncements on the way we raise our kids...
Its all good! Just show the love, girlfriend!
LindaLou,A general opinion is one thing,however,you specifically addressed me and within the first sentence adressed to me,implied I was a quitter...when it came to BF my child.I realize this was a response to my earlier post,but again what you had to say was hurtful.
And I quote" Edna,your post could have been mine with my first child,but instead of quitting"
I do not wish to argue with you and infact this will be my last post adressed to you on this thread,however,Lindalou,while sharing your experience,you managed to offend several readers & posters,as you usually do.
Why this has yet to tip you off is beyond me.
No one is asking you to be sugary sweet nor is anyone asking you to abandon your beliefs. I can only speak for myself when I say,your stories and experiences might be more welcomed if cast in a non judgemental tone instead of a snippy,superior,everybody else is wrong and I am ALWAYS right kind of way.You are no better than any of us and your parenting skills are no better than any of ours.
Apparently,there are many who feel this way or similar,based on all of the above posts.Sometimes
you just come across as mean,cold and truly miserable.
I am glad you were able to BF and that your story ends happily.Yes, your children are fortunate,But what worked for you,did not for me or for "mom of two",and that does not make us quitters and you were wrong to imply so.
IMO,You owe both of us an apology.
You have a lot to share but your delivery needs work.
lindalou whiners tho they be can't you be more tactful? you are informative but thoughtless at times
"you go our of your way to get completely worked up"
quote from Lindalou
Take your own advice loudmouth
Edna, I'm with you. BTDT. And to insist, (yes, INSIST that a baby who is fed *anything* from a bottle is disadvantaged is to also say that daddies simply can NOT be as important as mommies to an infant. Unless they breastfeed, which is not unheard pf, but very rare. And I have MAJOR issues with that argument.
My psycho sister once bragged that a doctor had told her she "could feed twins off just one of those puppies" is the same one who, while she was home alone supposedly caring for her 3 yr old daughter and her friend's 4 yr old daughter, decided that, since the girls were happily engaged playing with the cleaning supplies under the sink, that it would be good opportunity for her to take a nap. And was shocked when they came and woke her up to show her their funny game of dousing each other with cleanser. She likes to tell this story at parties, because to this day, she apparently thinks it was hilarious. But she breastfed!
And LindaLou, I think you meant biddies, not bitties.
I really applaud those of you that have not been judgmental about the BF issue. You've been outspoken and positive, and I really appreciate it.
I loved your story butt looks big- and to Edna, thank you!
Awwww...I'm just reading all of these. Please don't feel bad moms who can't breastfeed. Not everybody can...and thank goodness we have formula for those babies whose mommies need it. I doesn't make you a worse mom by any rational standard whatsoever.
I had a c-section with my first baby. Not ideal, but my main objective...getting the baby out of me alive and healthy...was accomplished so I never had regrets. But when I went to my V-bac class during my second pregnay, they showed a movie about c-sections (because everybody in the lass had had one and was now trying to go natural the second time around.) After the movie was over, MOST of the moms in the room were in full fledged tears. I was confused, until so many started sharing about how disappointed they had been when thy missed hang an ideal birth experience, or how they felt like failures. Failures? Is this what we do to each other?
As far as I'm concerned, a good mom is a mom who looks at whatever situation is facing her, makes the best decision she can for her child based on the REALITY facing her (as opposed to some idealized fantasy that society has heaped onto her shoulders) and does her best to do the right thing for her child. Period. It's really not a contest, ladies. We should help each other...and in a nice way. We all want the same thing in the end, don't we?
Oh mom, I loved your post! You too, have made me feel so much better.
Cali,
Do we share a sister, per chance?
Mine likes to amuse at parties, and in mass e-mails, with "hilarious" tales of gross parental neglect as well.
Whats up with that?
LL, it's not that anyone wants your approval, it's that your tone on this issue, to put it mildly, sucks eggs hard.
Whether you mean to come off as nasty, judgemental, and shrewish, only you know. It seems that many people who read your BF comments "hear" you as shrewish, judgemental and nasty, and that, ultimately, is what counts.
It's great you are a BF advocate. Terrific! Just know that you come off as tremendously self-righteous on this issue, which is surely NOT the way to influence people to consider your opinions.
A nicer tone and better attitude would go a long way. We've gone around on this before, so you know what I think, and I don't plan to post any more on this unless you start personal attacks.
And before you say that I am attacking you, note that I am discussing your tone and your attitude, not you personally. If you want to take issue with my tone and my attitude, feel free. Just don't get personal, like you did with Edna, OK?
actually chick, people are responsible for their own selves and how they choose to take things. if people don't like they way i post, i sincerely don't give a shit. why on earth would i? the fact is that pretty much whatever i say, no matter how general, gets certain people worked up in to a frenzy. it sounds like a personal problem to me. i'm going to continue to call things like i see them and anyone who doesn't like it can feel free to skip my posts as i don't have any intention of changing in order to placate any of you. if you choose to continue read my posts in a tone of your own creation, please do feel free.
heh heh, Lindalou, keepin' it real...
Mom, thanks for your comment - well said girlfriend. Let's all forget the fantasy that says as moms we're supposed to be self-sacrificial to the point of damaging ourselves in the service of some one-size-fits all idealized, patriarchal vision of the ideal mom. Why does fatherhood not come with the same social and emotional baggage? Society does not encourage men to feel the guilt and the angst and the never-good-enough-itis that is practically mandatory for women. And it just saddens me to see moms doing it to one another. We're in this together.
PBP,You should have a newpaper column running somewhere in this big ol' world! You say it all so well! And on this particular subject, I agree!!
Cheers!
hee hee, thanks Moniker. Funny thing - the more work I have piled on my desk the more time I seem to have to put into my posting!! (:
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