Received Sunday, August 10, 2008 - Response to Guest Column
I saw the article by Becky about the way parents annoy teachers in day care situations. I do think it is funny, and I do realize that is a comprehensive list of all the little things that annoy teachers. However, I firmly believe it is our job to understand the reasons parents do these things and to help them not to do it any more. We are educators - that's a life role - and we can educate parents too. I don't think the best way to educate people would be to talk to them this way. I know it's a joke but it seems to me that the really important thing for us teachers to realize is that parents are FEELING certain things like insecurity, anxiety, embarrassment, and all the while they are trying to impress us with their parenting skills. We are all insecure little kids on the inside, and when you have children it brings out your deepest insecurities. I have found that getting mad at parents is not really a good solution to how it makes me feel. These annoyances are really me reacting to my own insecurities. The best way for teachers and directors to handle feeling annoyed is to think of parents in the same tender way as we think of the children and to try to ask ourselves what are they really looking for.
Most parents are looking for some guidance. The parent who can't say goodbye is scared and needy and I believe we can help that parent in a huge way. Of course you want to know how much your precious baby ate during the day since you are working and missing a really important part of his life and feeling really guilty about it. The reason parents are anxious about curriculum is that they are aware of all the testing that is going on in school and it makes them nervous because their child will have to perform or else be held back. We can help them understand the value of play and give them the confidence to believe in their own instincts. Maybe then they will be able to press for change in the school system.
We are privileged to be in the position of making a real difference in people's lives during a very vulnerable phase where they don't know what they're doing and look to us for guidance. I think that director is just venting but she is missing a chance to do good. Too bad she can't confront the parents directly and explain to them why it's OK for their kid to get messy. Why does she let the parent into the room with junk food and complain about it later? Also what kind of school has 30 kids in the class? When you care for kids of course you can tell which jacket is theirs, that's a form of love. The point is that we can help parents and it is our job to take care of them also, understanding the child means understanding the whole family.
Eileen Johnson, Director
Little Missionary's Day Nursery
93 St. Marks Place
New York, NY 10009
212.777.9774
16 comments:
As a preschool teacher, I can say that the things mentioned on the first post really don't bother me that much. Parents that can't say goodbye.... well, heck, I'm guilty of that myself. How I've worked to help parents with that is I take the child, give them hugs, and tell mom or dad to stop at the window so we can wave. Both parents and kids love blow kisses from the window.
Parents that don't want their kids getting messy? Well, I use long sleeved smocks which, for the most part, fixes the problem.
I make sure the kids daily sheets are filled out completely everyday. I try to include cute things the child did so the parents feel more connected. I've actually never had a complaint about curriculum. Happy kids are sponges and tend to eagerly share everything they learned with mom and dad.
Here are the things that drive me crazy.
When your sweet child comes to school not feeling well, and 4 hours later it becomes crystal clear that he was given Tylenol when his fever spikes and mom and dad are no where to be found. It breaks my heart to see your child suffering when he should be at home in his own bed.
Also, when you drop your child off everyday at 7:01 and pick him up at 5:55pm, even though you get off of work at 2 or 3. Most adults I know don't want to work those hours... imagine how hard it is on your child to be at school for that long.
Most parents I encounter are wonderful people who are very involved with their child.
As a former childcare worker I have to say most teachers are overworked and underpaid. My old director had all the answers yet hated when any of us needed her to fill in our classroom. Easy to dish out what you need to be doing when you occupy a desk all day and are not in the high stress classroom dealing with the parents. As for the coat issue, there are teachers who work different shifts. Just because I wasn't there at drop and saw the new coat Sally brought in doesn't mean I don't love and care for the child. I agree with a lot of what you say Ms Johnson but I'm curious are you in a classroom all day?
mouse,
you bring up a great point, although most directors, from my experience, will tell you how they "worked their way up the ladder" and do indeed know what it is like on the teacher's end. That being said, I guess the phrase I am thinking of is: 'How easily we forget!'
To the OP: one of your phrases stood out to me as a bit ridiculous. You wrote:
"When you care for kids of course you can tell which jacket is theirs, that's a form of love."
I'm sorry but I disagree. In a childcare setting, the clothing must be labeled so that the classroom can be organized. It says in most parent handbooks that clothing and other items MUST be labeled. If a substitute teacher, or a new teacher, or a visiting teacher from another classroom must sort through jackets that are not labeled, (which is quite an easy thing to do if you are a parent, writing your child's initials on the tag with a freaking sharpie, takes all of two seconds) it is not their fault and it does not mean they lack love for your child. That is a ridiculous statement. They are not mind-readers.
If there is a rule in place that says "label your child's jacket" and a parent does not do this, it shows a lack of respect for the teachers in the classroom. You, as the director of the center, should back your teachers up and enforce these rules, as opposed to thinking that the teachers who pass the "who's jacket is this" test love the children more.
This was a really interesting post in response to the one I wrote earlier. Let me reiterate ONCE AGAIN, this is not how I feel on a daily basis - but many of us who have worked in this field for 20 years can relate and I was just putting into writing. It doesn not mean I don't work everyday to educate the parents in my classroom, or that I don't care for their children. It means that I HAVE talked to them, hundreds of times about the same thing - please don't bring junk food, please label the clothes, yet the continue to do it over and over again as if they haven't heard a word I've said. THIS is what bothers me - do you think I would really complain after not trying to communicate my thoughts to the parents in my program? Absolutely not - I have communicated my face off - it goes in one ear and out the other.
Your comment about 30 kids in a classroom bothers me. I am licensed for 32 but never go above 30 and I have 7 teachers, (A 1:5 ratio for toddlers - pretty damn good) including myself who works on floor 4 hours a day and does admin 4 hours a day so beleive me I am the director who is right in there in the trenches with my teachers.
Once again, I LOVE my job, but there doesn't mean there are days that it isn't frustrating - isn't it OK to vent once in a while? Just for laughs? Geez!!
I have been the teacher who can't wait for mom to leave and years later the mom who can't leave.
Both are hard!! Both articles apply to my life in so many ways! Thanks for the great reads!!
Of course we try to educate and care for the parents as well, but, you must realise there are some parents who just don't care about your school policies. There are parents who see early childhood teachers as glorified babysitters. They show no regard for the "rules". There are parents who can have things gently and carefully explained to them, told how things are beneficial to them and thier child, and will stay pay absolutely no attention to you.
SOME, not all, but if you are in the childcare business, you know this is true.
Oh, and the jacket thing, gimme a break. When you are caring for 15 children five days a week, yes, you can identify their things to a certain extent, but, you are not going to know who's blue old navy sock this is just because you love the kid
I worked at a high end daycare, one that has locations all over the states, and I was a 2 year old teacher.
I had 27 kids on role and there was no way in the world I could keep up with all their coats and other accessories like that.
How do you tell a 2 year old or their parent they can't bring junk food in the classroom? I did that once and was yelled out by the parent who still left the kid there with the food and then later I was pulled into the office and was told never to tell a parent they couldn't bring food in for their child.
You can tell a disgruntled parent over and over again how and why their kid has paint on their shirt but all they care about is the 100 dollar shirt they bought for their 2 year old that is 'ruined' because of you.
Maybe your daycare is is the exception to the norm but I've worked at many different daycare's and virtually the same problems exists.
To all of you who agree with what I said.....AMEN! It sounds like you are working in the same realistic type of program I am. I agree completely with all of you. I can love children all day long but 15 baby gap white socks without names do not "love" themselves to the right child. Nor do the 4 blue Old Navy hoodies that are exactly the same size.
Preschool teacher your commemts about the parents who don't care are DEAD ON.....that is exactly what I am dealing with in my program. Parents who feel entitled to act however they please because they are paying for a service are unbelievable. I have a freakin masters degree in Child Development, but to them I'm the servent that takes care of their child from 7am until 6pm after they have gone to work, the gym and run errands. I'm glad they have the time to finally show up and pick them up. Once a parent signed her child out, then left....without the child.....didn't even know it until she got home and then had the NERVE to call and yell at me because I didn't watch her put the child in the car. WHAT?
becky- At first I thought your article was amusing and I could relate to it, having worked in daycare many years before becoming a nanny. But your last posting sounds like you are quite angry and heading toward burnout. Maybe you should examine how you are really feeling. Maybe it's time for a career change. Just a suggestion.
?,
I disagree. She sounds like a great teacher dealing with some very insensitive parents with a sense of entitlement and also sounds like she has not enough back up from administration. Time for a career change? I don't think so. I don't think the ones like becky (the educated, intelligent, hardworking childcare providers) should leave the field. We freaking need them.
Word, Becky: you go girl. :)
Thank you Umass, it amazes me how when someone is venting people assume they are burning out, I think I was very clear when I said I LOVE my job. I am no where near burning out - just dealing with some parents who need a reality check - it's not the big deal many are making it out to be...again the article wass supposed to be FUNNY...because that's how I look at things and try to find the funny angle. I will surely think twice about posting any more. I do appreciate those who can read it for the reality that it is, a funny post on a frustrating day - and absolutely nothing more than that.
Becky and Mike
The only people that will complain about your post are those without a sense of humor. I thought your post was fantastic, and hope you DO find something else to post about on here again!
I thought the original post was funny and I don't get the feeling that this person is burnt out. She was just venting as we all do.
OP, another way of looking at it might be to consider that most daycare workers make close to minimum wage while your expensive, private new york center has $10k per head fundraising dinners. it's my guess that all that extra cash your families are paying goes a long way toward financing all that coat IDing *love* and coddling and babying of your charges' parents. just a guess...
Becky and Mike,
Loved your post about the socks loving themselves to the right children! Today, a lot of kids have multiple coats, jackets and sweaters...all the more hard for the teachers to memorize 180 different wraps and who they all belong to on any given day!
Shoot,I only have 3 kids and can't keep their socks straight!
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