Thursday

Live-in Nanny wants to become a Live-out

Received Thursday, July 17, 2008 - Perspective and Opinion
I would like some advice on my situation. I have been with a wonderful, kind family for almost a year now since their son was just 6 weeks old. I was hired as a live in , which worked for me at the time. My boyfriend and I were dating but we were not ready to live together so it was best we had seperate living quarters . We have gotten a lot closer and are talking about engagement, etc . Currently I stay with him a few nights a week and always on the weekends. My bosses are ok with this because I am always there by the time the mother leaves for work (630 am). Dad leaves at different times but the majority of the time he leaves at 9. When my contract comes up in September I would like to ask if I can be a live out and perhaps renegotiate my hours. To get there by 630am I have to leave my boyfriends apartment by 530 am. Also live outs get paid more than live ins, so should I explain that to them?? How should I approach this??

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have been in the exact same situation, my employers were fine with me wanting to live out - but they hired a live in - and did so because it cost them significantly less. This is where I suspect it will become difficult for you too.. Good luck

Emily said...

I understand that if you're a true live-in then you don't have housing costs of your own, so some parents think it's acceptable to offer less pay (and many nannies accept less pay) but having a live-in nanny is a luxury for the parents and I don't think it should automatically come with a lower paycheck.

OP, you're going to have to face the fact that having a live-in nanny may be a necessity for this family. Be up front with them and let them know exactly the cost-of-living increase you're going to need to make this change. But, be prepared to hear 'no'. So, you might want to consider a head of time if you will continue on as a live-in or if you really need to look into new jobs if they don't go for your proposal.

Anonymous said...

It is possible now that the baby is older, sleeping through the night etc. that they won't feel they need you to live in.
Figure out your budget for food, transportation, your share of rent etc. so you know what you need for a salary. You should be do for a one year raise. Also be aware that if you get a reduction in hours that will factor into salary negotiations. Hope it works out.

Marissa M. said...

I would talk to them as "how do you feel about a live out nanny- I'm entertaining the idea. This will give you the chance to think about things. I would then look for new positions and notify them of your interest in moving so that when september comes they would of have had enough time to either find a new live in or to adjust your hours.

Fact is, they might not be able to afford a live out no matter how much they adore you. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Very true Emily.
My employer had the nerve to say that live-in benefits me. Oh no I said. It benefits you. I would choose to pay for my own apartment and privacy any day.
I only live-in because I moved for the job. That is a convenience to you my friend!
He got the message.
Who the heck wants to stuff all their things in one room? I constantly buy new things whenever I move because I can never take all of it with me. That is a waste of money, and not something I relish doing; and they never, never can or do provide all the things you need.

One Fabulous Nanny said...

I'm in the EXACT same position. My year comes up in August, and I'm dying to move out, but because of different reasons. I get no privacy from the kids I watch, and they're incredibly loud on the weekends so I can't sleep past 7:30. The previous nanny moved out after a year, and they went so far as to finding an apartment and letting her rent it from them.

I was also wondering if it's acceptable to ask for a payraise? My hours wouldn't change, but obviously the cost of living would increase. Bring on the responses, I'm dying to hear what everyone has to say!

Anonymous said...

oops. I should have said 'can NOR do provide'

nyc mom said...

I agree with the above posters - OP you should let your employers know that you wish to change to a live out. To continue as a live in is only likely to make you resentful and unhappy, which will surely impact your work (as it would for anyone). However, I also think you need to be prepared that the family may not be willing to switch to having a live out nanny. At the times in our life when we needed someone to live in, we would not have been able to easily switch to live out. As do many employers, I really did not like having a nanny live in for the same reasons that nannies do not like to do so - lack of privacy being paramount. However, at that time in our lives I had no choice as I was a resident working overnight shifts and my husband travels a lot for work. If mom leaves at 6:30, I doubt dad is going to want to get up then and watch the kids until he leaves at 9am. In terms of money, I think employers expect to pay a little less for a live in because of housing costs and because, as I said above, most of us do not want to have someone live in so we consider it a compromise also. I know from a nanny's perspective the employer is getting so many benefits from a live in, but this was never my experience and should not be the experience of a "good" employer either. I always clearly stated when my nanny was working or off and never expected her to simply be available at all hours. The overall hours worked were the same as a live out, it just allowed for me to include overnight hours as part of the work week more easily.

You should definitely change to a live out because live in simply is not the right job for you anymore, but I would expect that your family may not be able to accomodate this.

kathleencares said...

You would definitely need to be paid more if you became live-out, and I'm sure the parents know that. It's just a matter of whether they are willing and/or able to increase your salary. I would let them know that you and your boyfriend have gotten more serious and are talking about moving in together. I would do some research on how much live-out nannies in your area make and provide your employer with that information. If they are able to pay and want to keep you on, then great, but if not, I would look for another job.

Petitehye said...

Go for something that makes you happy. If you think living out makes you happier then go for it.

Yaya said...

You have to do what you have to do for you and your life. Just be forewarned that while the best-case scenario would be for you to stay working for them as a live-out w/ higher pay, there is the possibility that they will decide to move on to hire another live-in, if that is what they truly want for their family. But not to worry if that is what happens because I am sure you could find another family that wants a live-out and your current bosses would hopefully give you an awesome reference since you left for such a specific and understandable reason.

Anonymous said...

you are asking for a different job then you took.. you will both be looking for new people soon.

Anonymous said...

How much time you spend commuting, or the cost, should not factor into your pay.

Emily said...

11:40, why is it that you think the cost of commuting shouldn't factor into your pay? I'd be frightened to see what your budget looks like if you don't take things like that into account.

fox in socks said...

OP, I think you'd better take heed of the fact that if you bring the idea up with your employers, that you'd prefer to live out and what do they think of that, your employers may immediately start looking for someone new. They may get the impression that you are going to leave soon, for a live out job, and since they need a live in (obviously this is why they hired you as one) they may see this as their only alternative (unless their needs may have somehow changed). It definitely does not sound like their needs for a live in have changed, base don what you said.

cali mom said...

The cost of your commute can factor into your OWN budgeting but an employer doesn't give a poop how much it costs you or how long it takes you to get to work, and they won't base your pay on it. Especially if you consider an employer who hired a live-in so as to be able to pay a lower salary now facing the prospect of having to pay the same employee x-amount MORE each month basically because the employee has decided they no longer want the job that they originally accepted.