Sighting: Central Park, Bathroom, E75 at the Water Conservancy BathroomWho: Jamaican nanny, tall, slim, short hair, wearing sunglasses, says she has two children and two grandchildren.
What: Yelling and verbally abusing girl (4-5 years of age), wearing bright light blue shorts, with a ponytail/bun. She has light brown hair with golden highlights, and blue eyes.
Girl was sobbing in the bathroom stall, trying to pull up her underwear. Nanny was yelling at her because she did not do "number two" as promised. She continued to yell and reprimand the girl as they walked out of the bathroom.
The nanny then began yelling at me saying, "What are you looking at! Mind your own business." I yelled back saying she shouldn't speak to the child in an abusive manner. I asked the girl to tell her mother. The nanny continued yelling at me for a few minutes.
Why do people hire illiterate nannies to care for their children? Why not put them in a quality daycare?
I intervened because the child was crying in the horrible heat. I hope the parents read this note.
Thanks.
115 comments:
Not a pleasant sighting. I hope the girl does tell her mom.
But where in this situation did you find out the nanny couldn't read?
op, thanks for the sighting.
Can you pls calrify a few things?
Can you be specific as to the "verbal abuse" what exactly did she say to the child.
also, ,it sounds as if the nanny had 4 children two you feel are "grandchildren"?
What time did this occur?
Thanks!
I created T-shirts for my nanny that say "How well am I nannying? Call my employer at XXX-XXXX." I get several calls a week--most fairly positive.
People hire people just like themselves. Obviously, a parent who hires an abusive nanny is an abusive parent.
Illiterate nanny? Haha, I think OP must have meant incapable or something along those lines.
Either way, this nanny sounds scary. Good sighting.
2:26,
You did not. And if you did, why is your nanny still in your employ if all the calls you have recieved have not been positive: only "most" of them are "fairly" positive?
I call bs.
horrible situation.
I am sure you yelling back did not help and only angered the "nanny?" more. Next time you feel a child is being abused..pls, do not agitate the nanny,(weather you think you are right or not does not matter)contact the police and let them handle it.The childs saftey is what is most important!
Of course if you see a child being beaten to death that is different..by all means..help the kid.
And before I am attacked..yes, I understand that verbal abuse is just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse.
What I don't understand is why people do not understand that angering an already angry and abusive nanny/parent only makes it worse for the child involved and that is why you should mind your business until you can alert a police officer or call 911.
If the situation calls for involvement then there is no reason you should not notify the police.
anon 239..who the hell are you that you tell people what they did or did not do?
You are not the blog police.
I think you are a regular, hiding behind an anon moniker to make trouble.
If someone created a t-shirt,,more power to them..why you trying to start trouble?!
Perhaps the nanny is still employed because the empolyer knows that there are trouble makers like you around who will call/blog just to create problems!!
Terrible situation, terrible behavior. I'm curious, though, why OP used "illiterate" as a descriptive here. Unless there was a reading test administered somewhere during all the yelling, I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.
well,until the op is more specific, we might just have to assume that this how anyone who yells at a child is perceived(by the op)..as illiterate or otherwise ignorant.
Calm down 2:43. I think anon 2:39 was just expressing his or her disbelief...Making your nanny wear a tshirt that questions her performance and offers a number for people to call is pretty demeaning...She's your nanny...not the back end of a truck.
jxj..sorry you did not like my response . guess it hit home for you? Not sure why else you would stick up for the guy/gal?
I am a confident nanny who would wear that shirt in a second.
My charges love me and I have nothing to hide.
As a matter of fact after weeks of calls I would use it to negotiate a raise.
An employer has a right to insist an employee wear a uniform..it is up to the employee to accept the job,knowing the terms and uniform, or not! End of story!
jj,
I was just about to say the same thing! seems demeaning to me too!
Why would you assume I didn't like it because it "hit too close to home" for me? Is there a chance that I didn't like it because it was irrational and irate sounding?
I still stand by the fact that I think it's incredibly demeaning to make your nanny wear something like that. You don't do something like that unless you have major control issues and/or major doubts about your nanny's performance while you're not around. If that's the case, then you obviously don't trust her (due to control issues or the fact that she's simply a BAD nanny)and probably shouldn't even worry about others' feedback...let her go for YOUR sake OR her sake! I couldn't work for a family that didn't trust me around their children, no matter how good I think I am at my job.
That was my point 3:29...and as a side note, uniforms are usually worn in order to create a sense of..well uniformity...not to single someone out...to compare a shirt like that to a uniform is a bit far fetched.
ya know..everything has a negative side lately on this site. why not think of it as a great way for an employee to be complimented. Why do so many of you like to take everything and give it a negative spin.
It's a t-shirt and I bet the nanny wearing it gets plenty of great calls and
here is a thought for all of you who so regularly gripe and complain about nannies not doing their job..now they are aware all eyes are on them and I would think that nothing more would pls you to see the nanny put down her cell phone and interact with her charges.
Better than a nanny cam or is that demeaning too?
3:36, the issue is not the potential feedback that is received. The issue is lack of respect for the person caring for your children.
There's a difference between making your nanny a walking feedback-forum-on-a-shirt and installing a nanny cam...
You do see that, right?
I could imagine I'd be HUMILIATED if I was made to wear something like that out in public.
jxj..employers control employess. They make the rules, they pay the wages..yes, they should be in control of the person they hire to watch their children while that person is on duty.
If this t-shirt helps insure the saftey/happiness of a child what is the problem?
You and several others on her are always saying..it is about the child's saftey..well this shirt pretty much does it..don't ya think?
Who of us does not do a better job when we think we are being watched!!
well, the fact that care so much about what others would think of a shirt you might wear out in public is strange becuase you seem like a pretty self confident person. That said, you have every right to see it as demeaning..I just don't see it that way.
and a nanny cam also says you have trust issues with your nanny..you cannot have it both ways..either you trust your nanny or you don't..right?
Hello, JJ! I agree with you wholeheartedly!
to 3:32:
I respectfully disagree: employers do NOT control their employees. You may have employment confused with slavery. Employers employ their employees. Nannies, and all employees are people, not things. You cannot "control" a person.
I wouldn't wear a shirt like that either. As a former nanny, I don't see the humor in it and it definitely seems insulting. Nanny cams I would have no problem with.
Yes, children's safety should come first, but I would not consent to be a human billboard.
sorry i meant 3:42! :)
My employers do not control me. We have a mutual relationship. Controlling the person who cares for your children is a bit risky. I guess people who think along those lines are also the ones who don't trust their employees and feel the need to publicly humiliate them in order to sleep better at night.
If you really don't trust your nanny, then find a new one! Don't dilly dally around and wait for a random stranger to call a phone number on a shirt.
This involves CHILDREN. If you have your DOUBTS, then act quickly.
And umm...nanny cams are NOTHING like the tshirt we're discussing. Nanny cams allow the parents to observe the nannies. It doesn't put the nanny on public display. A tshirt like that is similar to DUNCE CAPS misbehaving kids used to wear in class.
If you're really THAT confident that you're a good nanny, you don't need a stranger to confirm it. The whole, "I'm confident in myself as an awesome nanny, so I'd have NO problem wearing it," kind of side tracks the issue.
Sometimes you just behave well because it's what a good person does...not so you get GOOD feedback...right?
Good job OP, telling the little girl to tell her mommy.
That might have been all she needed to know that she needed to. Some little kids don't think they can tell until they are told to do it. And if someone yelled at me like that, I would yell right back about them being mean to little kids.
And when I was first hired as a nanny, I didn't have much refs. It was my first nanny job, and all I had was 2 families I had babysat for, one family was part of MY family and one was an old family friend. So my employer took me to the park and introduced me to everyone as the new nanny. Two weeks later she told me she had given out her number to everyone at the park and asked them to call her with anything good or bad.
Everything was good, so she hired me permanently. I didn't feel like my privacy was invaded. If I had worn that shirt, I would have been fine with it. I understand that people want to know 100% that someone is caring for and loving their child.
Wait wait.
So if my boss decides he wants me to wear a tshirt that says "I do anal for $5" it's part of my uniform and I should accept it or quit? It's his right to make me wear it?
The shirt does sound demeaning. It sounds like those kids who have to wear signs saying "I steal."
3:56
I think I kind of like that idea, it's pro-active. Mom was doing her job ... and evidently, so were you!
To the OP,
Great job telling the kid to tell her Mom! I won't get into whether or not you should've yelled back though, but hopefully it didn't upset the Nanny even more. I just worry she could've threatened the little girl with .... "You better not tell your Mom, or else" ....
2:39/#2
Your post was spot on.
Ugh. The whole t-shirt idea sounds like a debacle. I would think anyone could be a jackhole and call in on a good nanny, and complain. There are nasty people everywhere, and that is just like putting your trust into a whole bunch of strangers.
Haven't you ever seen those bumper stickers on the back of a truck that say: "How's my driving" - and joke around with your buddy in the passenger seat about calling? C'mon, you know you have. It's funny.
But not when you realize that someones livelihood is on the line.
hellcat.you scare me. It is thinking like yours that allows the government to take away our rights little by little.
If an employer wanted you to wear a shirt saying "I do anal $5.00" he should HAVE THAT RIGHT..JUST aS YOU SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO ACCEPT THE JOB.
Rights and freedoms are precious.
If everyone felt as you do, the employer with the shirt would then would have no one to work for him.
It is no different than censorship..I do not agree with it..at all..period
If a private library chooses to stock a book I do not feel appropriate, I simply do not read it..but they should have the right to stock it..it is called freedom.
If a private citizen wants to hire someone and require that they wear a specific shirt..they should have that right..if you don't want to wear the shirt..don't take the job.
but don't start taking peoples rights away..cause someday it will backfire on you and when they disagree with you ..your rights might be taken away!
no, 515 never thought about calling a "hows my driving #" just for fun. That is a bit childish.
well, you must be the only one.
some people just don't know how to have fun.
The way most truck drivers drive these days, there are dozens of potential calls that could be made about their driving. I have never done so, but I don't necessarily think it is a bad idea.
I've never had any desire to falsely report a truck driver. And I am very fun. Just not mean.
:-)
If that employer had told people she was interviewing they would need to wear that shirt then NO ONE would have accepted that job! I am a fantastic nanny and would QUIT ON THE SPOT if my employer requested the same. Unless they paid an HUGE sum of $ and in that case I'd put another shirt right over it- problem solved! They may pay me every week but they are greatful to have me as they should be- great nannies are in hugh demand- people come up to me offering new positions all the time just from our interactions at the park or outings/playdates. Parents around here bend over backwards for their nannies (Upper NY) as they should IMO. You NEED us hellloooooo- I don't NEED you.
I want to know what kind of a moron puts their phone number on a t-shirt for any Joe Shmo creep to see, and fools themselves into thinking it is somehow keeping their children "safe". Any creep pedophile, which is usually the first thing on everyone's minds around here, can take that phone number and do a reverse phone look-up to locate the address of your stunningly beautiful, fully clothed children as they play in the sand while their nanny watches them like a hawk. Does that make you feel safer?
I didn't even think of that Cali Mom. Good point...
All in all, seems like a bizarre idea.
5:22,
Your post is ridiculous, and your logic is seriously flawed.
No, an employer should not have the right to ask a potential employer anything they want to. Some things are insulting just to ask. What if the employer asked them to wear something degrading to women, or asked them to wear something racist? Do they have the right to promote hate? There are lines, and you are trying to put forth an opinion without acknowledging this.
I'm pretty sure that a woman who was denied a job because she refused to advertise on her chest that she gives anal for five dollars would be able to file a lawsuit, or at the very least go to the media and report it so that the crazy employer wouldn't have many people interviewing for him.
Yes, people's rights are important, and so is the right to interview for a job and not be descriminated against for refusing to do something inappropriate or degrading.
8:00
Sorry, but I think you meant 4:40?
No. It's 5:22. The whole gross anal thing is mentioned on like 3 different posts! lol
"If this t-shirt helps insure the saftey/happiness of a child what is the problem?"
The problem is, if you need this t-shirt to insure your child's safety, you have hired a bad nanny. And who is going to see it in the house?
Not to mention that no top tier professional nanny is going to take a job requiring her to wear a demeaning t-shirt, so you are defeating your purpose.
Now what if I told you I make my kids wear a shirt that says--"How am I behaving? Call my parents at xxx-xxxx." Hmmmm....good idea, right????? Maybe I'll have one made for myself that says--"How am I mommying? Call Child Protective Services at xxx-xxxx and let him know." But then how would they know what my name is? I guess I'd have to put that on the T-shirt, too. The problem is that they charge for all those extra letters. Hmmmm...what should I do?
Stop posting stupid stuff on this board...that's what you should do.
Fine, I'll stop posting. If you don't like my posting you can call 212-555-5555 to report me.
You are a true dumb dumb.
Well, if you are really finished posting here, then a call really wouldn't be necessary, even a call to a non-existent number.
Well, if you are really finished posting here, then a call really wouldn't be necessary, even a call to a non-existent number.
11:54 PM
____________
Too much logic for me =)
Yikes! I can't believe the nanny was mad that the girl didn't poo. Controll freak? You were brave to actually yell at her though. That's intense.
Yikes! I can't believe the nanny was mad that the girl didn't poo. Controll freak? You were brave to actually yell at her though. That's intense.
I do think you got the point, 11:56. There WAS no logic to the post at 11:51. Not that it's important, because that post sure wasn't. As for the topic at hand, that nanny was way out of line and should be dismissed forthwith. No matter what verbal abuse was directed at the little girl, it's cruel in and of itself to pressure a small child about bodily functions. Going to the bathroom shouldn't be a scary event for anyone, much less a wee child. Hopefully, she won't develop any lingering hang ups over this.
As for the t-shirts with the phone numbers and an invitation to report on how the nanny is doing, I would nix that in a big hurry.
Good job 1:45!
I hope that idiot that has a phone number on her nannies shirt has it
writing that she agreed to wear that shirt before she was employed!
That could be a great lawsuit.
That nanny would probably never have to work again and the princess who made up the shirt and made her wear it would never be abe to afford a nanny again roflmao. I would love to have that nannies phone number. Hell I would do it pro bono just to put that woman in her place.
Deameaning and humiliating another human being is grounds for a law suit and I hope Ms Nanny does exactly that. Finds a good attorney and sues!!
This shit is way too funny! roflmao!
No, this isn't funny 607AM. Maybe you are the idiot who started the t-shirt stuff.
This is a post about someone being abusive to a child and you turned in to an attempt to have a laugh? I would call this "sabotaging the thread".
No one is dumb enough to have their nanny wear t-shirts that say that just like no one I know is dumb enough to attatch a licence plate to their stroller that says how is my nanny doing. There are too many variables, specifically the ability to cover it up or act fake.
Please grow up and stop sabotaging this blog. I know you don't like this blog, but you're always here. I won't ponder why because there is a post at hand that involves a child being mistreated by a nanny.
Hello everyone. Did you know that a grocery store insisted that the checkout people smile at customers? When the checkout people were women smiling at male customers some of the employees got harrassed because the customers thought the women were showing interest! One employee was even followed after work. Yikes! It ended up with the female employees suing the grocery store. So to the poster above-your employer does not have a right to make you do anything he/she wants.
yes. erika, an employer can pretty much do whatever in NY, one of many right to work states. The employer can ask you to wear a tincan on your head. Combine the right to work state with a PRIVATE employer who only employes 1 or 2 people and they can do WHATEVER THEY WANT.
I am having these problems with my employers as we speak. I did agree to some light dusting here and there which is completly fine by me. I realize the children have camp, etc during which I shouldnt be sitting down doing nothing. However when I arrived I quickly found out I was now responsible for ALL of the parents laundry and ironing. Also mopping floors, making their bed, cleaning their sheets, all garbages, swiffering.etc. This is all just too much, I feel that I can not spend time with the child. The child is under 2 and a handful. Also my nights were supposed to end at 7 pm. Now its when ever they get home with no extra compensation. They go out EVERY night almost till around 10:30-11:00 pm. Also it was understood I was to have sat. and sundays off. Now I find out she wants we for saturdays as well! I am overworked and underpaid with no life! Thank you for this post more ppl need to realize they CANT treat their nannys this way! We have a life too, and shouldnt be at their beck and call 24/7! Even on my DAY off I am called upon to do things with the child, Its getting ridiculous and i need a new job stat
10:25--YIKES! Yes you do need a new job. And I feel so sorry for those poor kids. Do they ever get to see mom and dad?
I am glad that you intervened and said something. That does take courage, but at the same time I do wonder about the nanny taking it out on the child. After all, she was already taking something out on the child that wasn't her fault.
I don't know what I would do in a situation like this. I don't think calling the police is an option, so what is left? to say nothing? That doesn't seem right either.
10:25
Please get out now. You are being taken advantage of in the worst way. No amount of money is worth your dignity.
I would wake up and start pounding the pavement at the first opportunity.
They do not deserve you.
And these Employers wonder why they get mediocre Nannies?
By the time these Nannies get around to a decent Employer, sometimes it's too damn late.
They are overworked, underpaid and burnt out.
Pisses me off.
test
again, upsetting an already angry/abusive parent or nanny is a bad idea that may actually put a child in more danger that he/she is already in.
If you truly feel a nanny/parent is being abusive..why would you not contact the police?
unless you are just being annoyed at the way a parent or nanny is caring for a child( different than your parenting habits)in which case you need to mind your own business.
you have no right to intervene, putting a child in more danger just because someone treats a child in a manner you do not like, unless we are talking abuse..then call the cops asap!
10:25, quit with no notice to the parents whatsoever. Walk into the kitchen one morning as they are getting ready for work, bid them goodbye, and listen for the crashing sound of their jaws hitting the floor as the door closes behind you. Talk privately with the little girl first, letting her know how much you love her and will miss her, and simply explain that you cannot stay any longer.
9:31, you have posted this false notion before. No dear, you do NOT have the legal right to require your household staff to perform their duties sans underwear with a dildo up their behind and smile and sing while doing so, simply because you issue them a paycheck. If you think you do, why not test your theory and let us know what happens. Better yet, give us your name so we can google you and follow the progress of the lawsuits.
cali mom..first two wrongs do not make a right and when a child is involved,notice should be given.Revenge or petty vindictiveness might make you( and I mean you personally) feel good but is harmful to an innocent child.
2nd, yes, in a right to work state, an employer can insist you wear a certain article of clothing, can insist a male cut their long hair and so on..that is why it is called a right to work state.and as long as they pay a fair wage(minimum or up) they can impose their own personal rules.You also have the right to work for less, which is also legal(less than minimum)
You have no union to protect you unless the employees gather and start one..even then, you are not as protected as you are in a forced unionism state.
Thus..if you do not like said requests, as obviously many of you do not like the t-shirt idea, you have the right to quit and he has the right to find another employee willing to work .
cali mom..one more thing..dear..you do not live in a right to work state. Before you become an authority on it, you may want to look up the laws that apply in those states..AZ,NY,UT,AL,GA,SC,VA,FL,TN,ID,MS, & WY ARE JUST A FEW
You,dear, live in the perfect state for you..forced unions and affirmative action!!
the suggestion that daycare is better than a nanny is hilarious to me. Keep your babies home, send your toddlers to a quality pre school program such as Montessori, Regio Emilia, or a Suzuki music school for socialization and learning
3:01pm, just because it does not fit the legal definition of abuse doesn't mean people should not speak out. You can hit a child and still be within the law.
I once saw a Mom hit a child at a McDonald's playplace and several parents, including my brother and me, stood up (!) and said something. If people want to bring their abusive behavior out in public, then they should not be surprised if someone speaks up.
some parents hit and weather you like it or not..spanking is NOT ILEGAL..so unless you plan on protecting the child by contacting the police..you need to keep your mouth shut! You have NO right what so ever to tell another parent how to dicsipline their child as long as they are within their legal rights!
I am not sure who some of you think you are??
I'll tell you who I am.
I'm the big, fat bitch that whence, upon seeing you strike your child, is going to grab you by your throat and beat the living shit out of you. And then, I will run like the wind. I run pretty damn fast for a fat ass.
Hitting a child = Assault
Hitting a child in front of me = about to be assaulted.
nvmom, I disagree with attatchment parenting. Does that give me the right to intervene when I see a child out of control and the parent,in my opinion, doing nothing?(which in my opinion is neglect)...do I have a right to intervene?
You disagree with spanking/smacking a hand(hitting),however, it is a parents legal right to spank/smack the hand of a child who is mis behaving..weather you like it or not.. you need to parent your own children and let others do the same and**AND**If you truly feel a child is being abused..then yes, please ccontact the police..otherwise you are just butting in where you do not belong and I can tell you that the child involved will be subjected to the anger that should rightfully be aimed at you!
So..lets go over this again.. call the police if you feel you are witnessing abuse or keep your mouth shut becuase you are only going to put the child in more danger than he or she is already in.
If you don't get that it is beacuse you don't want to and have no clue how true abusive parents/nannies displace their anger!
signed 301
jane doe, pls inform 1004(Denis K) she is way out of line..not only vulgar but threatening??
I find it very distasteful weather she agrees with what any of us have to say or not. There are other ways to get her point across..this only starts a flame war that frankly has been taking up way too much room on these blogs lately!
The Denise there is a jail cell ready for you. Hotting a child may not be right but is not ilegal. Assaulting an adult is illegal and I am sure as fat as some cops are your ass would slow you down enough. Instead of making threats how about you hit the gym. Who would hire you if you are going to assault someone on the street in front of the kid? Who hires a nanny with such anger control issues? You need some meds.
Read the art of war, jackass.
You want to make changes, you don't say, "please don't hit".
That hasn't worked. Pediatricians and psychologists and researchers and mothers and children have gone on record saying that spanking is abusive. Yet, some of you are so ignorant, you continue to do it. Do you think I give a rat's ass about defending myself to anonymous on a blog? And if I get arrested, so be it. If that's what it takes to scare some giant adults who like to phsycially cause harm to little children, well so be it.
BTW, anytime you're within 500 feet of me, consider yourself in a no spanking zone.
denise K,
Which version? The one by Tsung Tsu, or Machiavelli?
denise is well within her constitutional right to say whatever she wants. she is not threatening you. she threatening a non-existent person that is gonna get they ass whupped if they hit a kid in front of her!
6:40/6:49, so you're going to let us know how your lawsuits turn out? This should be fun!
Oh, and I do know and can absolutely guarantee that although Callifornia is not, as you like to call it a "right to work state' that NO employer, regardless of how many employees they have or what sort of personal issues they carry around in their brain cell, has the legal right to require their employees to perform their duties sans underwear with a dildo up their behind and smile and sing while doing so, UNLESS their described duties include providing sexual services to their employers or the employers' clients.
Oh, but evidently you run an in-home porn business, ("Nanny does anal for $5") so you CAN make this requirement.
Haha, Cali mom, that was priceless!
AND, to the person that was freaking over Denise's post: lighten up my lovely, getting offended too easily will only raise your blood pressure and could lead to premature death...we wouldn't want that, now would we?
Jane, I love your blog. I am sorry it has been taken over by such nonsense and drivel. The regulars, (whom I know you love because they are big fans ans keep your blog up and running,)have in my opinion really had a big part in the downward spiral that I ,myself,have noticed over the last few months.
I enjoy the diverse veiws and opinions, but I thought the main objective was to post nanny sightings..good and bad so as to alert parents of what is going on when they are not around.
I am the first to understand that when it comes to children and politics, tempers and passions run high and easily so,however, the constant jabs and threats, the infantile posts that are continuous as well as the foul and vulgar language that have taken over your blog are just ridiculous.
I myself do not agree with most of the response posts but do not even bother to reply to them anymore becuase when I respectfully do so, I am attacked by so many of the regulars.I welcome an educated discussion, but that is not what happens.
You have one regular poster who continually tells people to shove things up their arse?? You have another who makes physical threats,you have several who post subject matter having nothing to do with nannies or children and you have a few(not all) the regulars who, you will have to admit when being objective, really tend to "gang up" on anyone who disagrees with a comment or way of parenting.
Agian, I love ISYN..I am just very dissapointed by turn it has taken .I am posting this just to let you know, that I think your site is genius, but you have one very dissapointed fan.
The last few above posts speak for themselves.
12:21,
I don't think what you said about me was quite accurate: I don't "continually tell people to shove things up their arses." I really don't. I once made a joke to someone who I really like who was being attacked and told her to tell the person who was attacking her to do so. On one other occasion, in responding to someone accusing me of "spreading hate" I asked if she was one of the people I told to "shove a mandrake plant up her arse." It was a joke. I just wanted to take this opportunity to say I am sorry if you do not appreciate my sense of humor, however you shouldn't outright exaggerate and lie about what I "continually" say: otherwise, it makes you just as bad as the people you are complaining about.
One of the things I like about this blog is that it gives all of us an opportunity to be advocates for quality childcare and quality parenting. When dealing with children, it is quite unlike any other job in the world: not like dealing with food or numbers or orders. You are dealing with humans, and when dealing with humans, emotions and personalities rise up strongly. We are all of us human: sometimes we make mistakes and speak before we think. But the "regulars" as you call them (don't feel I've been here long enough to be considered one, although I would be flattered if I were considered to be in such great company) I feel make this blog, not break it.
Just my two cents!
(ps Draco's hot)
i can't believe that their are still people in this world who would defend the act of humiliating a child by spanking IN PUBLIC. yeah, yeah... we all know spanking isn't illegal. i don't believe in any form of hitting children, but even i can't get too worked up if you swat your preschooler on a clothed bottom in the privacy of your own home. that being said, if you do it IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN, then your are interfering with my right to protect my children from witnessing such crap, and i WILL say something. likely, my children will too (out of surprise). *mommy, why is that lady being so MEAN to her child?* it's just plain bad manners to inflict that upon other people, especially other children. if you don't want to be called on your poor manners, exercise some restraint!
10:13 ~ you wouldn't know attachment parenting if it ran up behind you a bit you on the butt! attachment parenting has nothing to do with permissiveness in the area of discipline. it's a philosophy about nurturing BABIES in roder to encourage bonding and attachment. are there actually people who DON'T believe that infants should be held, loved, nursed, and nurtured? are there people who DON'T believe that infants require physical contact for good emotional and physical health? my husband and i practiced attachment parenting with our babies and also practice firm, but gentle discipline and set limits on their behavior, and all three are very mature and well behaved for their ages. the older two attend public school and in addition to receiving excellent academic and citizenship grades, they've both received awards for their kind and thoughtful behavior. you simply don't know what you're talking about and seem to have so very many misguided ideas on a variety of subjects.
i'll be awaiting your highly emotional and insulting post wherein you demean my parenting in every way possible and accuse me of bitterly attacking you, per usual. :/ :::taps foot:::
12:21
I would like to add my opinion, if that's o.k.
I looked at the few posts you mentioned above yours, and most of them are anonymous.
Where are all the regulars dragging this Blog down that you speak of?
I don't understand why it always has to come to rest on the shoulders of the "regulars"?
There are plenty of anonymous posters on here, too that tend to get in the middle of these "Blog Wars" .... and none of the responsiblity for that is coming down on them.
Every time something happens on here, it's always our fault, and I think everyone involved should share in the blame.
Jane
Since this is your Blog, please let us know if you have a problem if some of the posts go off subject. If you do, then I think most everyone would respect what you say and keep the posting to the matter at hand.
If not, then the posters that complain about it need to know that part of the reason this Blog is so interesting is because of some of the stories we get to share with each other. It might not always be related to the post, but most of the time we are still learning, and appreciating the thoughts and opinions of others.
It also allows us to break away for a moment from the sadness that your Blog represents.
Please tell us how you feel about this.
Thank you, Jane. You are doing an amazing thing here, and we really appreciate it.
4:58 great post.
I, for one, don't mind a bit of the playful, humorous, back and forth that sometimes goes on. (Witty comebacks are sometimes a riot.) The really, really long, hateful, unnecessarily insulting wars I just skim or skip altogether.
And, for the record, how often do you see two monikered "regulars" participants engaged in a mudslinging war? Almost never? That's right.
If every opinion is welcome, it is OK for anybody (even those who use monikers) to stick up for somebody if their opinion is that somebody is being unfairly insulted...just as it is the right of any poster (often anonymous...but not always) to sling insults at anybody they choose.
So what are you asking for? The right to sling insults unopposed...with nobody being permitted to counter what may be rude or erroneous comments? YOu want your right to sling dung protected? Well then, the right to defend is also protected...unless you want to be a hypocrite.
I rarely say mean things to other posters...yet I absorb my fair share of insults....and yet you don't see me whining here about how mean the "anons" are. it's a blog. Either ignore or choose to engage...and then live with the choice you have made.
I think that, since people have learned to ingnore the worst of the malevolent comments it has actually gotten a lot BETTER than it used to be on here.
Lets not be a bunch of children and expect Jane to be our mommy and have to police every post of our conversations. I think she had in mind and ADULT discussion forum here.
PS I don't know what attachment parenting is...but I picked up my babies every time they cried...immediately...and comforted them. I thought it was a dumb idea to try to "teach them who's in control." Like a baby is going to get that it's a "power struggle" that he's engaged in when he's hungry, tired, sick, soiled, or just plain lonely and nobody will come to his aid when he is communicating his distress in the only way he possibly can...by crying? NO. When the baby stops crying to have his basic need met, you have NOT "taught him who is boss." You have taught him that communication is useless and that nobody will come anyway, so why bother trying to COMMUNICATE. Good job.
Mom,
I too pick up my baby every time she cries! She didn't walk until almost 14 months and people used to say to me "put that baby down or she'll never walk!"
Now she is a healthy toddler and I can hardly catch her when she runs! :)
Oh Slytherin, you LAZY LAZY mom! I hope you at least beat her soundly for not learning to walk by a decent age! *joking* My little guy was even later than that, if I remember.
And back to the original topic, I do hope the girl tells her parents. This nanny sounds awful, and using the toilet should NEVER have to be a scary or humiliating experience, especially for a very young child.
my youngest didn't walk until 17 months. he could pull himself up to a stand at 8 month. silly kid!
anon 301: you ARE a regular (your posts are identifiable by your writing style and self righteous, yet delusional, attitude). you are always at the center of the enmity, hurling your personal insults, and then complaining about how hateful everyone else is when they peg you for the bitch you are. i doubt you're follionf jane with your pathetic rants about how awful everyone ELSE is.
lindalou...I hope you feel better now!While I may passionatley disagree with a bunch of the BLAH that comes flying out of your mouth..and disagree with your parenting style and political veiws ,I can honestly say that I have never sunk as low as to call you names or wish bad things your way. You have done both.you always do both! That is my point..your last post says it all.
You are unable to communicate your feelings without nastiness and namecalling.
And for the record, you do not know who is posting or when.
You have patted me on the back just as often as you have spewed vile at me.I often leave the site and will come back to see that you have not only kept going but have called out other anonymous posts as me...so as for that..your have nothing to base your claim on..just more nonsense.
here is a challenge LL..one week of your usual blogging without the childish name calling or nasty,crass remarks.Educated and civil responses only! Bet you can't do it.
If you are up for the challenge..great..if not..no worries as I already have you pegged..just thought you might like a chance to prove me wrong***
and since you claim to know my posts so well, you will then know that I have on more than one occassion conceded to being wrong or to having my mind changed by what others have had to say!
Happy posting!
My baby girl, because of a health problem did not walk until she was well over a year old. She could not sit until almost a year old. She did not have the strength or muscle control. Today she is fantastic. (As I MAY have mentioned on other threads...hehhee.)Life is not a contest, and neither is child raising. Each child is unique and special all on its own. Enjoy the child(ren) you have been blessed to parent. Do not compare them to other children and be disappointed. And do not compare othert people's children against yours and feel supoerior if yours is "ahead" on some milestone. In the end, none of that silliness matters anyway....I promise.
within 5 yrs gas will be $10.00 a gallon and potty training will begin between ages 4&5. Mom is right, life is not a contest.. however,it used to be.Back in the day We pushed our children to do their best..to come out on top..to strive for a trophy or ribbpn to put up in their room..because we wanted to see them succeed and to carry that feeling with them..to know that they can do anything they set their mind to..
now, the children do not have to try as hard or even do their best..they all get a ribbon.We as parents as well as society have seen to that.
I find it very sad that we as parents have allowed our children to become mediocre human beings.people look at the up comming generation and refer to them as lazy,selfish and as having no respect. I have heard this over and over during discussions with parents and people in general. I am sure that some of you have as well...maybe not, but I would bet that some of you have .
The number of children failing/dropping out of school as well as the full juvenile halls break my heart.
The amount of children who lack self esteem and turn to drugs and sex for fulfillment are sad.The numbers speak for themselves.
Parents, it is okay to push your children to accomplish things in life. Waiting until everything comes easy can truly set patterns which your children may fall into as they grow older..
and though we,the ever busy ,working,socializing,have to get to my nail appointment or tend to a sick sibling busy,busy parents may not be up for the challenge..our curious youngsters always are!
They are capable of so much.
They are bright ,little sponges who can acomplish more than we know.
"Things may come to those that wait, but only the things left by those that hustle".._A.L.
6:00pm
Yes, it is a wonderful thing to encourage your children, but I believe you should encourage them to be themselves, and not push them to be something they are not.
I see your point about the "leveling the playing field."
From an educator's perspective, though, I can tell you that the new grade span expectations and grade level expectations in place now in many states are not making it easier for children to reach goals, rather they are making it unacceptable for children to graduate without knowing how to read. Yes this is taking on a seemingly impossible task. But it is working.
We have always had full juvenile halls and high school drop-outs. But with NCLB, although obviously flawed in some ways, we are in fact telling children exactly what you are saying in your post: you CAN do it: we won't settle for less, and kid, we will help you get there. But positive reinforcement can go a long way. Encouragement is what children need. It is not important that they be the only one in the class to recieve a ribbon, or that their parent can put a bumper sticker on their car saying their child is an honor student: that is not what will make kids stronger and more confident. What will make them stronger and more confident is this new educational system in which they must SHOW WHAT THEY HAVE LEARNED. Please research GLEs and GSEs. You will find it interesting.
In my state, which many states are moving towards, now in order to graduate, students must present a portfolio, outlining what they have learned and must also do a presentation for a panel/senior project. They must show what they know. All the kids have to, from Special Ed to AP. For years, there were kids just like the ones you speak of: the ones who we were so "proud of!" who got ribbons and medals and scholarships. And that was great, until we figured out that it wasn't helping further the education of the millions of other students "mediocre" students as you put it, who were missing out. We were ignoring them. We need to teach children in the way they learn best.
It's too bad if this educational philosophy comes across to you as soft or allowing students to be mediocre. I don't see it that way, nor do the rest of the educators putting these laws and standards in place.
I do not think for a second that students do not have to "try as hard": I disagree with that. I think that students are being seen as people and not just numbers, and we are realizing as a society that we all have different needs: special education students, ELL students, etc. We are striving to make school an anxiety-free zone. A student who is happy can learn. Does that mean we should eliminate all stress? No, of course not. But will your child be getting as many "gold medals" and bumper stickers for your car in the coming years? Probably not. But I think, in my humble opinion, that a child should feel accomplishment from knowledge and the joy of really learning than from a gold medal, and if a student is doing their best, in my opinion they damn well do deserve a gold medal.
Competition isn't going anywhere: trust me, if that is what you are missing, no need to. One football team will still win, only one Emily will be cast in the school's production of Our Town, etc. But in the classroom, all children should be treated as individuals and taught the way in which they learn best. It is the only way they can all learn. It is a huge, huge job for educators, this is true. Let's support them instead of lamenting about the "state of our kids."
my quote: "A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong."
- Thomas Szasz
Sorry so long, I do feel passionate on this topic though.
Thank you Slytherin, you make some very good points about education.
I have always observed that it's usually the kids who have the lowest self esteem and turn to drugs and sex, etc, that get that way because of parents who push them instead of nurturing and encouraging them, treating them as failures if they don't get the blue ribbon, the gold medal, score at the top, or learn to potty train before the Jones's child next door.
Many women are not afforded the luxury of staying home and nurturing their children like they once did, and some of those that do, aren't taking it seriously because they are out getting their nails done and playing tennis all day, or shuffling their kids onto other people.
I honestly think it makes a difference to have one Parent stay home.
The deal with giving all children a ribbon or trophy for participating was done, I think, to help with self-esteem.
But you're right. There's nothing wrong with pushing your kid just a little bit. Let him know you believe he can do it. Build his self-confidence. Praise him. You know that child will want to make you proud.
Mine does.
The education system has failed children now for years.
Children, atleast in our state, are no longer held back but rather passed on to flail year after year. Finally ,once they reach 12th grade they put together all of the summer school credits and extra credit and community hours and "presto" they can graduate afterall, though their grammar is horrid and they have no idea how to write an essay.
The Juvenile system/probation is the same.
It ,like the educational system here,simply does not hold children accountable.
for instance:
a child is caught using a parents cc without permission.He is also caught using drugs.cocaine to be specific.( approx $400.00 CC theft)
charges are pressed.
he goes to court..he gets"6 months informal probation"
does fabulous for 3 months.then pops positive for cocaine.
goes back to court
now he is on formal probation and has to perform 12 hrs community service.
That is the "state of our kids"
It is no wonder they are where they are.
Our public services are doing no service what so ever.
Children are not encouraged to do better but rather allowed to skim by.
Giving all the children a gold medal undermines the children who really do work hard putting in extra hours and time to study or practice.(what have you)
As for children being individuals and learning at their own pace. I disagree.
There are special education classes for children with learning disabilities..that is a different subject matter all together.
cali mom, I have an older brother. He is newly engaged to a woman. He really,really seems to be in love. I asked what he loved about her most. He replied"there are too many answers to that question but, one of the things I really love is she makes her point and then drops it and while everyone else's girlfriends/wives are arguing their points she has moved on. I love that she is confident enough not to have to push her opinions on everybody else."" She knows how she feels and that is good enough for her...she knows when enough is enough" Then he smiled and we moved on.
Just thought I would share that with you.
8:31,
If you have some children in your class who are getting gold medals and some who do not understand the material, then and only then are you failing as an educator. Your theory seems as if you are splitting kids up into two categories: those who do well and those who are special ed. This is simply not the case. You wrote: "As for children being individuals and learning at their own pace. I disagree.
There are special education classes for children with learning disabilities." Not anymore, my friend: ever heard of "inclusion?" You may not like it but you had better get used to it because it is going to be around for quite awhile, if we have a democrat or a republican in the White House. Special Ed kids of all different disabilities will be in class with your child. You'd better believe it. Special Education students are not rejects, and there are many many different types of disabilities. I know you may not believe this but your straight A student may even learn something from those kids.
The times they are a-changin' so you better get out of the road if you can't lend a hand.
:)
8:40,
Maybe she's just boring.
6:00 you make some valid points. However "achievement", in my mind, comes in the form of setting a personal goal and working towards it...sopmething that a two year old is hardly capable of doing on his own.
Practicing extra hard and getting cast as the lead in the school play=Acheivement
Running extra laps every day after school and winning as trophy in the track meet=Achievement
Asking mom to help quiz oyu on spelling words and getting an A on the test=Achievement
Peeing into a pot instead of a diaper before your two year old next door neighbor, when you really have no idea in the grand scheme of things why that might even be important, other than that it makes your mommy clap and give you M&Ms=Not so much
Being genetically programmed so that your large motor skills develop before those of the infant next door=Not so much
Do you see the difference in where it might be good to encourage (as you say, "push") your kids in some areas, but no so much in others? As far as I see it, it's one thing to inspire them to try their hardest, and wuite another to push them to be "better" that your neighbor's children, their classmates, or anybody else.
Umass is right in that we need ot accept and appreciate the differences in ourselves and our children and celebrate the milestones and personal achievements...not just the "victories."
As it happens, I was a kid who was driven to win and driven to succeed...always. if i wasn't the best at something, I did everything I could to get there...not always successfully...but enough. But oyu know what...that came FROM INSIDE ME...not from my parents pushing me. I am guessing that might have taken some of the joy out of my victories, if they were simply "expected as a matter of normal course," and put a lot of pressure on, and made me feel like a failure for every time I didn't win...instead of simply joyful at the times I did.
agreed, mom, growing up me and my siblings always had a desire to be the best in what we did and we were all amazingly different: baseball, band, drama,(yes this was me!) math team, cheerleading. But I can't say that my parents "pushed" us. They simply encouraged us. Couldn't have been easy with five kids, but I never felt I had to do it or they would be unhappy with me.
There are so many factors involved in school today that make it different: some kids are really financially burdened, which effects their ability to focus, and their access to a computer, and a million things. many kids HAVE to work to help support their families.
I have spent a great deal of time with inner-city public school kids over the years and I just love them. The kids I have met and worked with are hard workers and are hopeful regarding their futures, which seem so much more uncertain than my own when I was in high school so many years ago.
I really believe strongly in our educational system, and of course we need to improve it, but I am ready to offer my support. I truly believe that all children can learn and that all children learn differently. I am glad that the direction of public school education is changing. Teachers are starting to be held accountable, and students as well. I am hopeful, not hopeless.
We had an Awards Ceremony 2 days ago at my sons school.
The Principal got on stage and said to some of the children and their Parents:
"Not everybody will be winning an Award today, but please know that we appreciate your effort and you had a really great year".
I had thought my son might win a certificate or something, but when they were done passing them out, I admit my heart sank a little.
On this table on the stage were about 10 Trophies. I remarked to the Mom sitting next to me that I wondered what a kid had to do to get one of those.
About 10 minutes later, I hear them call my sons name. I start to shake. I couldn't believe it! He won one of those beautiful Trophies! I started crying.
My son won his Trophy for being an "Accelerated Reader".
Wow! My little guy!
I've never had such a proud moment in my life. I encourage my son to read at least 15 minutes every night. He loves to read, and before he learned on his own, I read to him every night.
that's the word .....
Encourage!
here we go again with 8:31's obsession with the toileting habits of other people's children. you need to get some new material.
Way to domonate a blog!
Malevolent**all of you.
anon1228...831 does not even mention a toilet. Stop looking for fights. Jeesh!
why is lindalou posting anonymous tonight?
mpp,
I love your story! Good for him! You must have been so proud!
Once upon a time, awards were not really given out for reading: so glad they are now! It is as much of an accomplishment, more even, to me, than lettering in a Varsity Sport!
Reading to your child is so so important: good for you, and for him! :)
8:31 mentions toileting in her 6:00 post.
Congrats to your brother 8:40. How does he feel about women who are too scared to identify themselves and like to pretend they are a whole crowd of people who share an opinion? Just thought I would run that by you.
2:39
2:43
3:13
3:29
3:36
3:42
3:46
5:22
3:01
6:40
6:49
10:02
10:13
10:18
12:21
12:45
6:00
8:31
All The Same Poster.
Get A Life Already.
cali mom,
you took the words right out of my mouth! How sad for that woman to be without passion for her convictions!
12:52
Yes, we are a force to be reckoned with aren't we?
1:45
I'm not so sure those are all from the same poster. That would mean they were talking to and answering themselves!
I've noticed... a couple... of posters... that use... ellipsis punctuation..., so we can't assume... they are... the same person.
☺
MPP,
Congratulations to your son! I love it when a child goes to a special effort to achieve something (like reading every night as your son does) and then is recognized for that achievement. That's where they get the incentive to work towards goals and achievements.
And sadly, there are people (or maybe just one person...I have no idea) here who do write back and forth to themselves, as if they are different people, in order to support their own opinion. I have no idea if the person listed as writing all of those posts above is one of them...or if they actually wrote all they are accused of. I haven't the time to go through them myself. But I have noticed it happening from time to time. I know. It doesn't make much sense, does it? It's not like we actually know each other or are keeping score...so what's the harm in being on the "unpopular" side of an argument from time to time?
Trust me, I didn't go through them either. Just a few at the top that looked as if they were responding to each other so that when I wrote my post I could support what I was saying. No biggie.
To Umass and UMom, lol☺
Thanks for the love!
xoxoxox
Hello MPP, what a nice surprise you experienced at the awards ceremony! I'm sure you are very proud that your son's diligence has been rewarded! It also shows how valuable your efforts and encouragement have been.
mpp,
Looks like a big round of applause for your son...and for you as his #1 encourager! Did you take him out for an ice cream or some other treat to celebrate? At the very least, it merits him having his dinner served on the "Today is your special day" plate!
As for the multiple poster...I was just pointing out that sometimes using "logic" doesn't apply when trying ot figure these things out. My dad taught me (and it turned out to be true and stuck with me) that using logic to try to deal with irrational people or situations sometimes turns out to be nothing more than frustrating. Logic can only be counted on to work when you are dealing with people who operate under the same category of "normal." makes sense...and has saved me a lot of headaches trying ot figure out some pretty bizarre individuals over the years!
I know I said I wouldn't get personal again concerning my son, but I was so proud, it just felt right to share it.
If you only knew what this little guy had gone through the past 2 years, you would understand.
To have accomplished what he has, and to be doing so well in school, he's really come a long way.
Mom,
For his efforts, we will be rewarding him his #1 wish. He wants to go see "Kung Fu Panda", so this coming week we'll do that and probably take him for a little treat afterwards .... ice cream sounds good to me!
And thank you for your kind words Sprak!
I've grown a lot myself. As soon as I knew this little boy would be depending on me for everything, it's like my instincts kicked into "mommy mode" ... and everything I do, I do for him.
He's made my life complete.
Thanks for listening to me, all of you are so awesome!
mmp, congrats to your son! i hope he's very proud of himself.
as for the rest of this thread. blah. keep my name out of it, please. i said my piece and i'm not involved.
WHOA! OP it looks like you're sighting started an all out war over parenting styles, spanking, moniker posters vs anon posters etc..
Let's not forget though about the poor little child who was frightened, humiliated and shamed by her caregiver. What a horrible thing to happen to this girl. Thank you OP for your post. Hopefully the little girls parents will see it or someone who knows her will direct them to it. Also thank you Jane for having a sight that outs these kind of caregivers.
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