I saw your nanny today at Rye Rec playground, Tuesday, 6/17 between 4-5 She was AA and nicely dressed with glasses and a flowered blouse on average weight and height probably in her 50's. I feel bad because the description of both her and the kids isn't as good as it could be.She was there with a 5 year old boy and a girl between two and three dressed in a cute yellow dress that had several buttons on the front, a polo dress look. The girl had a blonde bob with bangs. She was sitting on the bench with two other nannies for the entire time I was there, over an hour (that is fine the kids were old enough to entertain themselves). The issue is that the little girl peed in her dress, getting it all over the front and back of it. The brother told on her and the nanny lit into her for it. Asking her to say slowly and loudly "it will never happen again", saying it again and again. Just really, really berating her for having an accident. Then she made her have a time out in the soaked clothes from 4:40 to when I left the park at 5.
It was so sad, I was there with all three of my kids and watched this whole miserable situation. the nanny never offered to change her or offered one second of kindness to them, that was the only time she interacted with the kids.
58 comments:
We take such a HUGE risk with nannies because what we get is someone else's parenting style--based on their upbringing. That nanny probably was treated the same way by her mom...and is passing it down to these poor children. I used to think nannies were a good idea--the idea of the one on one attention, etc. But after reading this blog, it scares the wits out of me. These nannies honestly probably believe they're doing a good job because they were raised this way. So, what our kids are getting is parenting that's not consistent with who we necessarily are. I wouldn't hire a nanny for all the tea in China...and yes, I know I'm going to take a HUGE blasting for this post. But I think I've read enough on this blog over the past few weeks to make me think 12 x before entrusting someone else to raise my children.
What a terrible nanny. No excuse, I don't care how she was raised. She is an adult and she knows what is wrong, what is mean, what is humiliating.
Besides... aren't nannies supposed to take on the parents of their charges parenting styles? Thats what I do.
=( Poor little girl.
9:38
You have an absolute right not to hire someone to take care of your children. And yes, unfortunately, there are some unkind Nannies out there. But that is what this site is about .... so, you will see some frightening incidence's.
No, you shouldn't get blasted.
If you are able to stay with your children, or have other means of childcare you're more comfortable enough with, that's your business.
But we cannot sterotype.
There are plenty of kind, warm and loving Nannies out there. If you were to ask, I'm sure the majority of posters here would tell you they've seen quite a few of them.
My experience has only been with good Nannies. Thankfully, I've never ran into one I felt derelicted their duty enough to be reported here, because I would if I did.
Thank you OP, for putting this up. It is extremely sad, and I feel horrible for this little girl.
>> stereotype
Anon 9:38-No, I do not parent the way my parents did. I wouldn't be a nanny if that were the case or become a parent. Most nannies I know have some sort of an education regariding child care, unlike most parents I know. Don't peg us by the few bad apples you see here, it's only a very small portion of greater apple barrel.
you mean a barrel of crap
Some relevant advice from a nanny.
When interviewing potential nannies, it is important to ascertain whether or not you have compatible points of view on all the issues involved in child care. I am usually the one who has to bring up a discussion of discipline. I know if the parents believe in spanking for example, this is not the job for me.
It is much more complicated than simply expecting the nanny to follow the employer's instructions. Her values, the manners (or lack thereof ) she models, whether or not she encourages kindness, friendliness, and self confidence all have an influence on the development of the children she cares for.
These are the things you can learn when speaking with references. Families differ in what they consider important, so don't settle for "she was a great nanny." Do the refs. share your standards of care? Ask specific questions, and hopefully you won't be seeing your nanny on this site!
UES Nanny
1:43 hit the nail on the head.
But as to the posting here, haven't we all read those articles and discussions on how potty training affects kids forever? That nanny needs to get fired right away!
1:43 EXCELLENT POST!!!!!! Great advice. You're right, not everyone has the same parenting style or expectation of their nanny.
I am a nanny. A good nanny will ask questions to find out about the parenting style of the parents and follow the guidelines that they are using to establish consistency with the parents. If she doesn't agree with their style she will discuss it with them so they can mutually agree on how these things will be handled. Potty training is a big one. Without consistency, it just won't happen. I agree that what the nanny did was rather abusive and I certainly don't think it will keep a child that age from having another accident. I wouldn't keep the nanny around because she would probably continue to behave in the same manner. I also believe she should interact with the kids. Visiting with other adults is fine up to a point but you are supposed to be there for the kids.
This baffles me. I live in Harrison, New York and spend a good deal of time in Rye. For those of you who don't know Rye; Rye is a very affluent NYC suburb. A million dollars will by you a rundown ranch house. The people who live in Rye are largely and by far; very wealthy. Given this; I am shocked at the number of nannies that work in Rye who are from the Islands. I have met more than a few who are wonderful, but just the same; some of these nannies are working 10-12-14 hour days with the children. They are waking the children up, tucking them in, doing everything with the children. If you can afford it, (as most in Rye can), why wouldn't you hire a professional American nanny? Someone who shares some cultural significance with your own family, who can teach the children; for there is much to be learned at every age. By and large, most of the nannies I have seen in this area are simply on the clock and doing the bare minimum. My friends in other parts of the country, Chicago, San Fransisco and Boston only hire professional nannies. I have to believe that the first nanny who came to be in Rye was in fact from the Islands and gradually she got her cousin and her friend jobs and from there out, this plight of Island nannies spread like the epidemic it is. I find this especially shocking because most of my friends in Rye want their childrne to attend the finest pre schools, prep schools and colleges; yet the employ nannies who can be of no assistance when it comes to laying the foundation for learning.
As for this post and the little girl made to feel shame for her accident, why does this stuff continue to go on? That poor child.
How much effort did her parents put into finding a childcare provider?
And a bitch nanny who wants the job will attend an interview and sit quietly, smile pleasantly and yes her perspective employer's to death. She will repeat a few key phrases that she has been schooled in to make parents think she is the one. She will get the job and laugh all the way to the bank.
anonymous at 223 When you say "most of my friends in Rye want their childrne to attend the finest pre schools, prep schools and colleges; yet the employ nannies who can be of no assistance when it comes to laying the foundation for learning." if true then maybe your friends are saving up money to pay the tuition at these fine schools by employing riff raff for nannies.
I read an article that Tibetan nannies are really popular in New York because of their spirituality. And people debate whether it's better to get a Tibetan nanny that's been tortured or one who hasn't. What do you think? Would a formerly tortured nanny add peace to your home?
I'm beginning to think NY is another planet!
Hahah 4:10...I'm beginning to think the same thing and I'm only next door in suburbia.
(Before you all jump down my throat, I'm not insulting NY..I live in NJ...our rep is bad enough without one of us opening our mouths about our "friendly neighbors.")
one thing i learned as a nanny is to make the kids go potty every so often whether they say that have to go or not. when kids are still learning to pottytrain of course there will be accidents.
we don't know the situation, but if the kids refuse to use the potty and then they pee on themselves i think that's a great learning experience.
i wouldn't yell or give time out. i would say "well, you chose not to go potty when i asked you to. now your clothes are wet and we have to go home." kids have to learn from doing and experiencing, not forced punishments.
anyway that's just my opinion so that's the type of family i would work for. maybe this family wanted the nanny to be like that but hopefully they will read this and find out. only the family and the nanny know for sure.
Poor little girl! And we do know the "situation," 7:32: the child was forced to say "It will never happen again." That is very abusive. How can she make a promise like that? She is a little girl, for Christ's sake.
I think this siting is so sad, but thank you OP: I hope the parents see it and recognize their nanny. How horrible and mean.
I feel so sad for that little girl. I keep a change of clothes for my three year old twins with me at all times. There was no reason to humiliate her and make her sit in pee for twenty minutes. I'd go home before I'd let a child sit in pee. Besides the fact that she was humiliated and made to sit in pee, why was she in time out for twenty minutes? By the time she ever got out, she had probably forgotten why she was there in the first place!
WHat a horrible thing to do. I hope that poor little girl's parents see this and nanny gets replaced quick. God forbid, the parents agree with that approach. Potty training takes practice, and I don't understand this abusive, shaming approach to it. How is that supposed to help???
It's sad to see all these reports of nannies yelling, shaming and even sometimes physically abusing these small children. The damage that is being done now will stay with these kids FOREVER.
Anon 9:38
You have a right to your opinion. Your assumption on all nannies being like the ones you read on this blog is a bit offensive to me though. I care for the children I nanny for a great deal. I don't raise my voice or my hands at them, shame them or humiliate them. I know I'm not the only one like this either. Just as the world is full of bad care givers it's full of amazing ones too.
man this is why parents NEED to stop hiring OLD OLD OLD women for these jobs ! i mean kids likke this need young people males or females for jobs like this ! i mean i am a nanny( am male) that if this happend id say well see this is what happens when we dont go potty and why iasked you before hand, now we have to go home, and change yhou.
i see this happen so many times to so many kids at parks with these hispanic nannies who are all suprised it happens( no offense to anyone who is latin) and with these very energetic kids whom with them just sit and do jack with! and whom really shouldnt be working with kids! and id just kill for their jobs cuase i know it would be fun and engaging! but i cant cause im a giy and ONLY females sholdbe nannies cause THEY are th eonly caring ones
2:10, your comment is so ageist that it offends me. Sorry, but it does. My late mother was a childcare provider, and she taught me everything I know about children(although I could never ever live up to her.) She was an older lady, as were the wonderful, wonderful women I worked with in childcare for many years and they were amazing and would NEVER shame a child: on the contrary they seemed more patient and experienced than many of the younger teachers: we took their cues.
Age has nothing to do with it: if you are a cruel, impatient person, you just are, if you are 18 or 65.
All I will say about your "hispanic" comment is this: when you make an offensive comment, there is a good chance it will offend someone even if you tack on "No offense."
No offense.
I have something to say regarding a comment on this post.
I don't mean to take anything away from the OP or her post. I live very near the Rye Art Center and from my children's playroom window, depending on the season- I can see the nannies who congregate on the courts betwixt the art center and the rec center. Clearly, there are people in Rye who need to do a better job of hiring their nannies. I suggest they terminate their current lazy nannies and refer to H's 20 steps when rehiring. This is a sad sighting. Shamed and embarassed by the nanny in public. How humiliating.
My intended comment is to to umass and anonymous above her. When hiring older sitters, you do need to take more into consideration, but there are many wonderful older sitters available. As a mother of three boys, I don't think this would have been my choice. And to anonymous above Umass, I am beginning to have a problem with your posts. You have a burning urgency to convince people to hire male nannies, almost instead of female nannies. This eagerness sends up red flags, I'm sorry, but it does. The fact that you post anonymous does little to add credence to your plight.
7:50
You have a burning urgency to convince people to hire male nannies, almost instead of female nannies. This eagerness sends up red flags, I'm sorry, but it does. The fact that you post anonymous does little to add credence to your plight" ....
I was just thinking the same thing. His actions and opinions are unconvincing and unrealistic.
He is giving male nannies a bad rep, because as he constantly laments, people DO make generalizations based on the actions of only one example. Like he does with older nannies and Hispanic nannies.
well said, cali mom! :)
2:10 AM
Older nannies have a lot of experience and knowledge to draw on. The level of energy and enthusiasm of an older professional nanny can be higher than some of the young and lazy faux nannies on the park benches!
So many comments are from people in the Rye area (know the area but live far away now).....why can't someone try to locate parents or see the girl again at the rec center and follow-up? That's the point of the blog...not just to bemoan island nannies (some of whom are GREAT!) or older nannies or whatever.....start with just this one nanny.
I sent this to people I know in Rye and Harrison. Hopefully they will keep sending it along. That is what I do anytime I read a post in or near where I have friend.
email. email. email.
save the world.
"That's the point of the blog...not just to bemoan island nannies (some of whom are GREAT!) or older nannies or whatever.....start with just this one nanny."
Well put upstate mom!
Rye is so beautiful! I had an opportunity to visit there last year. We stayed with some people in a beautiful old house, went sailing and ate at the yacht club on the tip of the peninsula. We had an opportunity to relocate there, which I would have jumped all over had my kids been younger and not so involved in their lives here. Sooooo beautiful...and peaceful.
Although we had an "unfortunate and frightening encounter" while waiting for the train to get back to the city, which put the final nail in that coffin.
wait your thinking that im trying to CONVICE people to hire ONLY male nannies over female ones?! wow ignorance ahoy, i see very little things about male nannies when there are MANY out there just look and many of them are just as great as their female counterparts, alot of these hispanic nannies that i see around here( they are HISPANIC, what do you want me to call them something else i am calling them by what they are but okay brown people etc. will that help?)
oh and calimom you speak of great nanny sightings in the nor cal area, and i even remember the one about the mountain view park one you posted on man you went way off topic on that one it was amazing, but never do you respond to any positive male nanny sigtings that have been posted up here positivly( the few that have)
and so your saying that OLD nannies ones who cannot keep up with the kids they are with ie VERY energetic kids(ive seen this in severarl encounters before heck i saw it today) are you saying that they are fit for the job or good for it? heck my current employer had a great older woman who wanted the job but she just couldnt keep up with the kids so age does matter when it comes to stamina and abiltiy usually, becuse with kids ages 2-5 if you can get them to sit still, you can have mountains move.
lazy faux nannies, i see that alot with the older "hispanic" nannies i see here, even the younger ones, and they are with kids who just dont fit with their criteria, but get the job cause well... they are either a) female or b) caring
and calimom constantly laments? who doesnt on this blog?
also umass when i meant no offense i meant NO OFFENSE, i used the term hispanic to describe THE PEOPLE not to say ALL people of hispanic origin are like that. and props to your mom, wish more people were like that! I myself learnd alot not only from my current employers but also from several yes older people as well.
i post anonymus for the same reasons you do, i like to keep my privacy.
YIKES, Dude. I'll call you dude, since you haven't named yourself. First off, I never posted anything about any Mountain View Park, so you must be confusing me with someone else in Norcal. Second, I've been reading this blog pretty thoroughly for many months now and don't recall any sightings of male nannies. There was one of a great male day-camp counselor, or daycare teacher, but if I missed something, please link it here. And third, I had a male nanny briefly before I decided to quit my job and stay home with my baby, and he was great, so you're barking up the wrong tree if you're screeching that *I* in particular have something against male nannies. You as an individual however, come off as extremely unbalanced by everything you've written here in the last few days.
Hence my point, which apparently you misunderstood, was that despite YOUR lament that everyone stereotypes male nannies, YOU are feeding into that stereotype. If I were interviewing and came across what you've written here, I'd move on to the next candidate.
youd move onto the next canidate simply because i am saying that people should stop looking at genders and look at qualificatiions? wow. yeah you did misunderstand me thats for sure.
also the one in california mountain view park burbank ca.
also i have aspergers so sue me one thing is that what i write has to be chopped up sometimes and is alot of times misunderstood, I didnt want to say what i had thinking people like you would THINK before speaking but thanks.
Morningside Heights Playground in Manhattan
Received Thursday, May 10, 2007
Physical description of caregiver: White Male, about 5'5",straight brown shoulder length hair.
Physical description of involved child/children: Little boy approx 4yrs old w/brown hair, & little blond girl approx 2 yrs old.
Address or venue of observed incident: Morningside Heights Housing Corporation Playground (80 LaSalle Street), Manhattan, NY.
Date and time of incident: May 9th, 2007 5pm-6pm.
Detailed description of what you witnessed: This guy is either the caregiver or a really young father. He let the 2 year old girl run around the playground naked, completely naked, no diaper, no panties, no clothing! Once in a while he would slip a small polyester easy-off dress on her, and next thing she was naked and running around, bending over, and playing like all was normal. I pointed out what I saw to one of the caregivers, and the caregiver said the little girl is known for running around the playground naked, and the guy who takes care of her does very little about it. One of the caregivers at the playground said she is about to file a complaint with the NYPD because having children run around a playground naked could attract pedophiles to the playground.
If this guy is your nanny, please talk to him. If he is the father of this little girl, please still talk to him because as much as it is nice to see little kids running about "freely", we live in an unsafe world.
Thank you for letting me post this important message.
so tell me cali mom how come if you had a male nanny and had been reading this blog for months missed this one? (read the comments on that btw)
or the last known adress in vacaville thread in the california section ?
eh?
so lament all you want, wheres your so called equality support id like to see.
also are you saying that IM being like a sterotype in other words acting like what people might say male nannies are like such as having ill intentions etc.
yeah i TOTALLY said all that....
male nanny, while your posts are chopped ..I get you. Cali mom picks on me too because I like you, see things in a diiferent light!And unlike her i am not PC and I find that this offends her greatly.
I agree, in general Mexican nannies are lazy when it comes to the kids.(cooking and cleaning, however is where they shine) I have seen it first hand. After working for a family for 3 years, I left to pursue my own family. The Mexican nanny who replaced me cleans the house like there is no tomorrow,it sparkles but the kids no longer go to the park daily, story time at the library ,nor does she do any arts and crafts with them. But mom sure is happy because her house is clean!The kids ,when I see them, are suffering from cabin fever and are grouchy. They truly need more outside time. This is typical of the mexican nannies in our town.And yes, They are Mexican..from Mexico..not Latin/Hispanic or any other pc term.
Calimom....PC?
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...............HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH......................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH...............HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Damn it! I just peed my pants!!!!
PS I LOOOOOVVE calimom!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if your Asberger's makes it hard for you to comprehend what you read, but I'll try again: I live nowhere NEAR Burlingame or Mountain View. Well, an hour or so away but it's not like I'd drive there just to go to a playground, so please look again and figure out WHO wrote that post, if it's that important to you. It isn't to me.
And the post about the little naked girl with a male nanny was NOT a positive sighting, so what point were you hoping to make by posting it? That somewhere in the states there is a male nanny, and someone thought he was not a good nanny? OK, point taken.
And just to attempt ONE MORE TIME to clarify why I wouldn't hire you:
A)I wouldn't hire anyone with Asberger's to be responsible for my child (!!)
B)I'd want somene who could convey by their writing that they have an education level beyond 4th grade
C)You sound insane and not too bright
Apparently you think people should hire male nannies BECAUSE of their issues, not despite them? What if everyone hired insane, dimwitted, Tibetan nannies just because they wanted to show their support for Tibetan freedom? Would it be OK only if they hired MALE, insane, dimwitted Tibetan nannies?
And who said I was PC??!! (Never mind, I know who you are.) I'm usually viewed more as tactless than PC, but thanks for the laugh!
I don't think he has responded since I asked him if his name is Justin. Hmmmmmmmm.
Ladies,
I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for the manny. If he has Aspergers we all know that he is working to overcome some very real and serious obstacles. I'm not sure that the verbal assault he is now taking is within his capability to digest and overcome easily. We can get over these things quite easily, while he may be pushed into a place that we might feel very bad about if we realized.
I think it could be Justin.
3:07, maybe. But if his Aspergers makes him so completely unable to function as he is demonstrating here, then he has nO business being in charge of children. Heck, he'd probably mistake a DANGER-HIGH VOLTAGE sign for EMERGENCY EXIT.
If that is actually true then it will be readily apparent to those who meet and/or supervise him.
I'm not saying I would hire him myself. I'm just saying I think we all get the point...and we are not helping helping him, or anybody at this point.
A while back I became engaged in a rather heated battle of wits with a certain poster, who shall remain nameless (and not only beacuse she had about a dozen different monikers.) Anyway, she made a couple of posts that suddenly made it very apparent that she had more than just an anger problem going on. It became clear to me all of a sudden that she was not only having some sort of mental/emotional issue, but that she lacked the capacity to put the fact that we were merely posting on a blog into perspective and that she was completely overwrought. I have the feeling that she probably spent a good while being verey upset that evening and I ended up feeling really bad for her...and guilty for not recognizing that she was a fragile person earlier.
I think it may be the same with this guy.
Asperger's is a syndrome where the person lacks certain social skills, they are clumsy or awkward,
and behave inappropriately in certain situations.
I believe it is a form of Autism.
The person also becomes fixated on certain things, and I'm thinking this obsessive need to defend his job on 2 different threads is probably from his Asperger's.
I am curious how he enjoys a job as a Manny, because most Parents/Employer's would have to know something was off about him ... so I would assume he's disclosing it to them.
If you don't know someone has it, you would definately think they were just "weird" or "different", meaning no harm in saying that, but it's true.
Give this guy some credit, I think he's pretty tough. He will probably go until he's either blue in the face, or has one of us convinced he's right.
My only problem is his disregard of an innocent person being accused of sexually abusing someone, and that "they'll be o.k., because they know they are innocent". It's not that cut and dry. My dear friend almost committed suicide over his accusation, and once things blew over, it took him a very long, long time before his life got back some sense of normalcy.
If you read his posts carefully, it seems that his employer's concerns came after he was employed and working for them. I doubt they would have hired him in the first place with the sorts of reservations and restrictions they ended up placing on him. It sounds to me like maybe they realized after the fact that there may be an issue (Not a child molestation issue. I'm not accusing him of that in any way, shape or form.) But they may have sensed something "different" and not realized what it was, and maybe he's a nice guy and they wanted to be able to let him keep his job, but under some special restrictions. Or maybe they knew about the aspergers, thought he was a nice guy, and wanted to give him an opportunity. Who knows?
My friends teenage son has aspergers. He is a perfectly nice kid, although he does have social difficulties and several real challenges to living a normal life. It is a form of Autism, but very high functioning. In fact, my friend's son is probably a genius acdemically. While I would not leave him alone with children, I would certainly consider him a competent helper if I were caring for kids.
His spirit is easily crushed. I guess that's my concern for the manny here.
10:57
Thank you for such an insightful post.
It makes sense that possibly the Employer wasn't informed, and when they noticed his idiosyncrasies, they placed restrictions on him. Maybe feeling it was too much, being around children, they let him go ... but he does claim the Parents liked him enough to want him hired back.
I assumed because people with Asperger's didn't show much emotion, that the Manny would've been o.k. with whatever criticisms he received here from other posters, but since you are much more familiar with the syndrome than I am, I digress.
due to me also having adhd i am also fixated on several things not just one, also my aspergers im not good with explaining things and things i say come out the wrong waay or as innapropriate, its one of the main symptioms of aspergers. also my employers know it as well, (current ones, as i was diagnosed last year) even my other employers that i work for (the other family) when i told them they didnt really mind, cause well again they focused on what i could do. i can say that i am blessed with the fact that i can work iwth kids or in other situations but its that my limited in-ability to understand body languge is the hardest thing as well as what i say and write, its hard, hence why in forums sometime like here what i say is totally taken the wrong way.
actialy no those restrictions were placed on me simply because i was a guy that was what they told me directly. (because your a male parents would be uncomfortable) reason why parents wanted me back( their own words) was that i listend to the kids was patient with them and worked very well with them.
as for advocating thinking its easy that being accused youd get out of it easily, no of course not,but like i said, why worry about something you know your not? i mean folks here especially that sprak person thinks im some sort of dark and vicious person (and this was the person who totally denies that female molesters exist and if they do its rare enoigh to ignore) yet like i said sick people think sick things
more later
Look Dude, you're totally creeping me out. Let me help you out with your apsergers and inability to read body language.
When the little boy turns away from you and runs the opposite direction, it means STAY AWAY FROM ME.
When the little girl tenses up and hides under her mother's dress when you are near, it means STAY AWAY FROM ME.
Are we clear now?
lmao @ ro: "Look Dude, you're totally creeping me out."
O.k. people. I say cool it on the manny. He's had enough.
ro,
wow your ignorance is beyond comprehension isnt it.?
remember kid, the book "the catcher in the rye" doesnt mean its about baseball being played in rye feilds got that? furthermore black people ARE NOT ALL CRIMINALS and secondly people with tourettes dont all act like that kid from south park get that?
I don't get the comment directed at Ro. Was the person who posted at 236 drunk?
read what he said to me retard.
nah wait its an inside joke for GROWN UPs not for wee chilredn lik eyourself.
Hmmm. Looks like quite a few people took a nip around here, lol.
What does "AA" mean? Sorry if someone already asked/answered that.
African-American
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