Received Wednesday, June 18, 2008 - Perspective & Opinion
I need advice, Ive been with the same family for 3 years (live in), things haven't always been great but I had what I needed to live and I could do the job easy enough, and got along with everyone and was for the most part, part of the family, in February, we had a terrible ice storm, I was in class when it started and had to drive through it (I drive a car provided by them) its about a 20 mile drive made it onto my street and going down the hill on my street braking the whole time the car slid around the curve and hit a curb, it bent the wheel and needed a new steering system totaling $1800, to my dismay they would not have it go through insurance (isn't that what its there for? i should always be covered under it...) and i was forced to agree to pay half the damages at the rate of $100 a month. They then decided after this they no longer wanted to cover the car for me but were willing to give me that car, as long as i pay the insurance and maintenance myself, (which is cutting it close on $160 a week). Last week I was out running errands, on my way back home i was involved in a 3 car rear end accident. They've decided they will no longer give the car to me, and that I will no longer have a car for me to use, which means in the fall I cant get to school and for now I'm housebound 24/7. Now they are knocking my pay down to $125 a week because now they will have to drive the kids around since they are no longer giving me access to a car (?!!!!!!) and suggest i spend the summer saving for a car (on a $125 a week). Can anyone give me some advice? I'm so lost and desperate right now.
107 comments:
You're working for $125 a week? Are you sure that you're their nanny and not their slave? Granted, 2 accidents within a few months of eachother, regardless how easily justified they may be, is cause for alarm...but damn...there are other ways to handle it. If you can quit, QUIT! I know that's easier said than done in most situations, but these people sound pretty bad. At least that's the impression I get from your post. Kind of like they're taking away yours toys because you've been a bad, bad girl. Again, I'm not shrugging off the two accidents as NO BIG DEAL, but I'm not sure they're treating you well.
Not to be rude, but is that ALL there is to the story? You mentioned things haven't always been great?
What is your situation? Is it feasible to quit and find another job?
If this is a real post, you need to leave ASAP. $125 a week? I don't care if you get room and board, you are getting a really bad deal. Was the 3 car accident your fault? If so, maybe they don't want you driving the kids around, since you have had 2 wrecks. But still, I find this post really hard to believe.
Poor girl! I am so sorry that happened to you! Hugs! :(
Please start looking elsewhere for work. You will find something else, and then give your notice.
Good luck, I know things will get better, but you should leave this family.
It sounds like you are an au pair. Did you come through an au pair program?
If that's not the case, here's my advice. Ask your employers to make time to chat with you. It should only take 10 minutes. Explain to them that you cannot make it on the lowered pay and lack of car. Explain that you would not be able to meet your basic needs. Basically, you will be explaining to them that if the conditions remain this way you are forced to look for another position ASAP, but that you'd rather not do that and hope they're willing to change the situation.
Keep in mind that there seems to be something else going on here. Maybe they've noticed your driving has become erratic? I don't know. But it seems strange to cut back your car privileges, etc. so drastically. They may be planning on getting rid of you. Maybe they no longer trust you to drive their children around or something. I'm just hypothesizing about what, but it seems there is definitely something else going on here. One gets the impression that they are getting rid of you.
I hate to be all skeptical, but what is it you're NOT telling us? What is the reason you aren't immediately seeking a new job?
If you can prove you are not at fault, there is absolutely NO reason they shouldn't have gone through insurance- especially since you are paying for it.
I think that they are treating you like a wild, misbehaving 16 year old and not like a professional nanny. You really need to get yourself out of this situation and fast. Start looking for another job asap.
And in the meantime demand to be paid what was agreed upon when you started working for them. That was the upfront agreement. I know it is hard since it is where you live, but you need to stand up for yourself. Is it really worth it to be a slave to another family for $500/month? I don't think so. Most places charge more for that just for rent. They are seriously taking advantage of you! I would quit as soon as you can line up another position or at least another place to live temporarily!!
To Sarah & Mitch: The OP wasn't paying for the insurance at the time that the employers decided not to go through insurance. Unless there was a work agreement, I don't see how the OP can demand to be paid what they originally agreed upon. The duties have changed, admittedly by the employers, but it seems to me that it's their decision to change the duties (unless there was a contract in place which I doubt).
As for your other comment that they are treating the OP like a wildly mistbehaving 16 year old, hmmm. I don't disagree. This is what made me wonder about whether there is something else going on here.
OP, I hope you will provide more details about your situation. Good luck.
Need more details. This will be quite inconvenient for the parents to suddenly do all the driving, so they must have some serious concerns. They are Also "punishing" themselves, so they must feel it is necessary.
I believe choosing to drive on an ice covered road might make the accident automatically OPs fault? I believe the law states that you may only operate a motor vehicle in a way and at a speed where you have complete control over it...specifically taking into account the road conditions that exist at any given time. I know you needed to get home...but sometimse you just CAN'T drive...no matter how inconvenient. That's why the family doesn't want to use insurance to pay. it's also why they don't want to insure you themselves after oyur accidents. the rates would have gone up substantially.
Yes, of course it is a reasonable choice to decide to not go through insurance if a person believes their rates will go up as a result. People decide to not go through insurance all the time for this reason.
GET.OUT.
You are being taken advantage of. Call friends. Call family. Get help. And get out!!!!!!
They are USERS!
A suggestion: Since they are paying you less than half minimum wage, contact your state Department of Labor and report them. And since I'd bet all the tea in China that they are paying you off the books, contact the IRS and report them there also. Then call around for an employment attorney who will handle your case on contingency, so that when you prevail in your upcoming lawsuit, they will get a cut and if by some chance you lose, you don't have to pay. It sounds like they owe you plenty of back wages, and they can probably doub;e that once they add in the taxes they've been reneging on. Oh, and walk out the doori mmediately. Preferably one morning when one of them is about to leave town on business and the other one has the most important meeting of their career scheduled early in the morning.
Cali Mom, I think you're dreaming. She sounds like an au pair. No one knows if she is being paid half the minimum wage! We don't know if she only works a few hours a week. OP has not told us the details of her situation. Cali Mom, you're assuming a lot of things. Your post is unrealistic (apart from the point of quitting the job; this would be a smart move for OP and it sounds like the employers would be relieved).
OK. *IF* she is an au pair, she's screwed. *IF* she's NOT an au pair, everything I said applies. Minimum wage laws apply to household employees as well as everyone esle, and so do the required taxes.
Oh, and since she has been with the family for 3 years, my guess is she is NOT an au pair. Aren't they usually fairly short term?
advice: quit
OMG Sounds like you are in deep doo doo. Time to assert yourself. Was the second accident your fault also? What were the damages in that one? You had insurance on the car, correct? That's what I understood from your post. Whose car is it anyway? Lots of missing info here but it sounds like you are getting screwed no matter what.
Contact a lawyer and tell them your story
i really don't care how much each accident was your fault...you can't stay with this family. what it comes down to is you need a car and a family that will take care of you better. this family wants to keep you in the house 24/7? that's just ... unbelievable to say the least. you just aren't the right fit for each other. you should contact as many agencies you can by email and online, and be honest about your situation because they will expect you to drive to an interview. i am sure you will be able to work out a way to meet up with potential employers, even if you have to spend your money on a cab or take a bus if possible. please don't continue to punish yourself by putting up with this. i know change is hard and confrontations are uncomfortable but sometimes it's necessary to grow and thrive. take it from a nanny who gets walked on sometimes. it's not worth it to stay where you are.
i really don't care how much each accident was your fault...you can't stay with this family. what it comes down to is you need a car and a family that will take care of you better. this family wants to keep you in the house 24/7? that's just ... unbelievable to say the least. you just aren't the right fit for each other. you should contact as many agencies you can by email and online, and be honest about your situation because they will expect you to drive to an interview. i am sure you will be able to work out a way to meet up with potential employers, even if you have to spend your money on a cab or take a bus if possible. please don't continue to punish yourself by putting up with this. i know change is hard and confrontations are uncomfortable but sometimes it's necessary to grow and thrive. take it from a nanny who gets walked on sometimes. it's not worth it to stay where you are.
Oh honey, no no no. You CANNOT stay there. A live-in for only $125/wk for more than one child?! Even the previous $160/wk was appalling.
Please, GO NOW to an agency or whatever and get a new job. They are seriously taking advantage of you. This makes me so mad!
Good luck, sweetie.
Cali Mom, It is unrealistic to think that the OP is going to bring a lawsuit against these employers, and that she will win it. OP, I know we'd all like to hear more about your situation. Speak up, please.
Quit. You can make AT LEAST 5 times that somewhere else, if not more.
Fox, I am not following your logic. They are violating minimum wage laws, unless she is working fewer than 20 hours a week.
OP, it's free to call employment lawyers and explain your situation, and get their take on it. THEY will tell you if you have no legal recourse to recover lost wages and anything else you might want to get back from these people. People urged me to do this and I thought at first that I'd have no leg to stand on, as Fox thinks, but I did and I'm glad, and got over half a years' salary in settlement. Most of the time it never comes to a lawsuit, YOUR lawyer will try hard to get them to settle out of court. You are being screwed from what you've written here (3 yrs at $125/week??) and you have nothing to lose by TALKING to a few employment attorneys.
I just reread her post and even at $160 hrs a week, she couldn't be making minimum wage if she worked more than 25 hrs/wk for them. And OP, unless you are free to leave the premises and NOT be on-call and available to them while they are driving the kids around, it's not fair to knock your pay down even lower due to the change of duties. Perhaps we just need some more details on your work arrangements to understand everything that's going on.
I agree with some of the comments, You, the OP, are witholding information. 3 years Live-in is a looong time, for $125 a week.
Either they paid for your school, or something, but you feel indebted to them for staying as long as you have, and accepting the pay you mention.
It's going to be tough but if you want to move on, you must Get Out now. Staying a day longer will only make it more difficult.
Do not fall for the dangling carrots!
Exit gracefully.
Cali, It's not that I think she has no leg to stand on as you say. It's that I think she is an au pair who doesn't work many hours and whose perhaps primary duties were supposed to be driving the children, at least up until now. (Of course we can't say for certain since the OP hasn't made her situation perfectly clear.) She mentions school, driving the kids, etc., and these are some reasons why she sounds like an au pair. Cali, you're assuming a lot of things that aren't there. For instance you're assuming that she is supposed to be at their beck and call now that they've taken away her car privileges. But we don't know that at all. We just know that she can't drive anywhere. This doesn't mean she must work more hours and it doesn't mean she can't go out. It just means she can't drive anywhere.
It seems obvious that they don't trust her with the car and perhaps they think she doesn't have good judgment with the car in general.
A person who has not exercised good judgment with respect to their duties will have a harder time mounting a lawsuit and being successful with it. I just think you're going a bit overboard with assumptions here, Cali.
Everyone seems to agree that the OP should look for a new job. Still hoping OP will tell us more about the situation.
Maybe tomorrow . . .
True, we don't know enough. But I don't think most au pairs stay for longer than 1 year, by definition. Can someone clarify?
Well, just from the info you gave, it certainly sounds like you have let them take amazing advantage of you for 3 long years. I assume you are not an au pair at this time, since they must leave the country after 2 years max?
However, I agree with those posters who say there must be more to the story.
Do you live in an economically depressed area, where no one makes much money?
Are you leaving out certain situations you have been involved in that have caused them to act so punatively toward you now?
Are you in the country illegally, and unable to get a different job?
Is this your first nanny job, and if so, are you concerned about having proof of employ and references when you look elsewhere?
Are you unable to find your own housing due to credit issues or age, and therefore feel stuck where you are?
Whatever the case, I would urge you to do whatever you can to get out of this situation. If that means working at McD's and living in a long-term stay hotel on a bus line while looking for another nanny job, so be it.
Hope you will respond and update us all.
Cali mom, generally speaking, an au pair can choose to extend her stay to a second year if she wishes.
Honestly, I don't know why the au pair program still exists. The expectations of many families are completely out of line with the expectations of the girls who enter the program.
Families see the chance for relatively cheap FT childcare. Au Pairs are paid minimum wage minus room and board. Currently, that is $176.85 per week. Families have to pay fees of approximately $7000, which means an 18 - 26 year old au pair works 45 hours per week at a total weekly cost of less than $350! That cost is fixed regardless of whether a family has 1 or 4 kids.
The Au Pairs come over expecting to be an adopted family member who works a little for room, board and a stipend, and they also expect they will have a chance to experience all sorts of aspects of US life.
Is there any wonder that many times placements don't work out????
(hops off soapbox)
Yeah. I am not fond of the current au pair programs.
OP, How many hours do you work in a week? This is obviously critical information that you should supply before people can make any real assessment of your situation. You are going to school. Are they paying for any of that? Are their kids in school and oyu watch them only after school until the parents come home?
One of my favorite babysitters landed a PERFECT nanny position. I wa so happy for her. She was a student...if I remember correctly, a law student. She was given a private studio apartment to live in next to the main family home and her only duties were to pick the two girls up from school and drive them to their afternoon activities until mom and dad got home after work. She had a free place to live near campus, meals included, almost ALL of her time was her own to go to school and study...and she just had ot be available for thes kids a few hours after school Mon thru Fri.
Obviously if your situation is like hers, the pay is reasonable and the parents would naturally be dismayed if your driving didn't work out so well.
On the other hand, if you are working a lot of hours then they have been underpaying you.
I don't see how any of us can offer opinions without knowing.
But as far as the car thing goes, I can kind of see both sides of that argument. I feel bad for you that you don't have a car. But I can see why they feel bad that they have had to pay a lot for your accidents, and may not want you driving their children around. I personally was very picky about who I let drive my kids anywhere. They may be the same.
She said they were making her pay for the accidents, which is why they reduced her pay.
These people are taking advantage of you, and I agree that it sounds like they are plnning to get rid of you. Get the jump on them.
QUIT NOW!
YIKES! OP, sounds like the car issue is a blessing in disguise. It appears that this family isn't treating you fairly. My advice would be to give your notice and look for a new family.
calif nanny here....where is the OP on this one? Everyone wants more questions answered. I for one want to know where she lives and if she needs a job? Im sure someone out here knows someone who will look over her resume.
OP here, I am not leaving anything out, I believe,theyve never paid for school or anything like that, what was to be included when i started:
$160 a week for 25-30 hours a week
Car + Insurance + 2 tanks of gas
Gym Membership
Own Room + Bathroom
Food
The pay reduction is effective this week, and it seems like theyre doing everything to try to get me to stay, when we talked yesterday their suggestiion to me was to save all the money i make all summer and get a car before school starts, and also get a job 2 nights a week in addition to my nanny duties and I can ride a bike to this so called night job. I did the math and id have $900 by the end of the summer, TOPS. No way I can buy a reliable car on that, plus I need a life. It seems like the wife is trying to buy me into staying by bringing me things home from the store. She went on to tell me how wonderfull I am and how they wanted me to stay but if i decided to start looking for a new job, to tell her so she could look too. I however have begun looking but refuse to tell her so that i may find something first. I will be polite and give her 4 weeks notice.
I did not go through an aupair program, and I am an american, from the midwest so really i can stay however long i want.
Our neighbors nanny had an accident and they tried this same thing with her. 6 Months later she took them to court and won. The judge said that even tho the employer was paying the insurance they had a contract. They could not charge her for the accident when they decided not to turn it into the insurance compnay. The insurance was part of her employment agreement in which it was to COVER damages if there was an accident. She is now suing them for back wages and breach of contract and punitive damages.
Even if these accidents were her fault they would have to prove that she was drivng negligently and breaking the law.
I also would like to know if that steeering box was not already damaged or faulty before she evn hit a curb at 20 MPH I doubt very much if she ruined that steering gear by hitting a curb at that speed. I have been in the Automotive business for over 40 years and I think the girl got taken for a big ride here.
Find a new job asap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the UK that is an average aupair weekly salary approx. £85 a week ($160) plus room, transport card, gym card etc. Of course it depends on the family the aupair works for, but most people I know would give the aupair additional money at the end of week on top of treating her to cinema tickets, dinners out and free national phone calls. Au pairs are not nannies nor should they be left with young children sole charge for long periods of time, they are basically an extra pair of hands for mum to rely on.
Where are you working? I cannot believe that any nanny is working for $160!!!!! These people are kissing your ass so they can keep their slave. They know it will be hard to find another sucker who will work for nothing. LEAVE. I know you've been there 3 years and you need the reference. Don't leave on bad terms, give them plenty of notice like you said and politely find employment elsewhere.
If families cannot afford a nanny, they should not have one. And, it appears that this family cannot afford one.
You have been good to them and dedicated so much of your time to helping them and they are screwing you over.
Good luck!!
You need to find a new job NOW. You are seriously underpaid. A live-in nanny with at least three-years experience working 25-30 hours a week, should be making anywhere from $350-$600/wk depending on where you live. I'm glad to hear that you are looking for a new job. Good luck in your search.
OP here again, also if anyone here is in baltimore county, and needs a nanny please do say so!
It really does sound like they want to keep you but want to sever any ties to you and driving. They seem afraid of liability when it comes to that, and don't want there to be any chance they can be sued if you have another accident. Otherwise, they would just buy you a car for your own use while you are with them, even though they've now stopped you from driving their kids. It seems like they like you but are very fearful of lawsuits and liability because they can be seen as culpable if you have more accidents and they've provided the car or insurance.
I do think you should look for another job. Why not tell the mother. At least she will have a chance to raise your pay. If she raises it enough, you will be able to buy your own car anyway. Good luck. Keep us posted about your further interactions with the family.
Fox in Sox: There is no way she will raise my pay, Shes reducing it.. :(
Let's start with the first accident.
You say you were driving downhill, braking the entire way during an ice storm when you lost control and hit the curb, causing 1800.00 worth of damage. Did you see the bill? If not, insist upon that immediately. Also you were entitled to be provided with at least three estimates before they asked you to pay any portion. Sorry but anyone who takes responsibility to drive another person's car for personal use, is, in my opinion, responsible for any You really are responsible for the damages in their entirety as you were using the vehicle for personal use, regardless of having their permission or not. Even if they didn't ask you to pony up, paying half the damages would have been the right thing to do in this case. Most people carry insurance deductibles of 1000.00 and if their company doesn't have accident forgiveness, with the raise in rates they would likely face, the cost of going through insurance might have been more than doing it the way they are.
Fast forward four months later and you are involved in another accident? If this took place in one of the many states where the one who rear-ends the other vehicle is almost always at fault, and you're that person, then your employers are lucky they didn't put the first accident through insurance, as they would likely find themselves being dropped by their carrier and their rates possibly doubling as well.
On a side note. I hate to say it, but I would probably have taken my car away from you as well. It's bad luck for you and unfortunate but two accidents in six months are a big deal for some people. If you were a driver at my former place of employment, your service van would be taken away and you would no longer be permitted to drive a company vehicle after two accidents within six months. If there was no spot for you as a driver's assistant, you would be terminated. I know it's hash and not fair but not everyone can afford to be forgiving when it comes to big ticket expenses.
Your relationship with your employer was not great to begin with and now is probably worse. You are being treated unfairly. I suspect your employers are taking advantage of the fact that you had these two unfortunate accidents and are now using that to get cheap child care. Don't put up with it! You can get a job taking home more than you are right now in almost any fast food place, retail establishment or movie theater. Most of these places are only too happy to work around your school schedule. You sound young and you made mistakes and are being taken advantage of as a result. Again I say, don't tolerate it any longer. Seek a room for rent or apartment to share if moving back home for a while isn't an option. It will be rough for a while but if you are determined, you will make it. Good luck to you!
I would spend the summer saving then follow MM's advice. Since you won't be able to go anywhere, saving should be easy. A safe driving course might be in order as well. And I say that with the utmost respect. My uncle paid for one for me for my 18th birthday, over two decades agao, and I am a better driver for it. I am over 40 years old never had an accident or moving violation. GOOD LUCK :D
They have totally enslaved you.....find a new family, then quit! They should be covering everything having to do with the car.....125 a week is slavery!
FNG, I thought about it already, but at $125 a week, I can save $900this summer tops, I cant get a safe reliable car in baltimore for $900
cali mom, your suggestion to the op to bring a lawsuit is just plain vindictive. Afterall, she entered into the agreement to work off the books, if that is indeed what is happening.Why would you give such mean advice?
Would you want her driving your precious child after 2 accidents in such a short time? Of course you would be concerned too..just like any of us would.Perhaps the parents do not want to lose not only their children but their home as well. If the nanny has a bad accident they will go after whomever owns the car not the driver.The parents could end up losing everything. Why take that risk.
Things change and unfortunatley the accidents have probably scared them.
Filing a suit is not the answer and is simply a nasty way to deal with this.
The best advice is simple. If this new situation is not working or agreeable for the op she needs to look for a new job.
In almost any job where driving occurs, this is standard. The USPS, Airlines, transit systems, (all transporting people )have policies in place to protect the companies and after 1 accident employees are usually on probation, after 2(especially within a 6 month period of time) the employee is let go.For the same reason, the risk is too high for the owner of the vehichle.
I think the parents were more than reasonable in trying to keep the nanny on, afterall it is a huge inconvenience I am sure for them to have to re arrange their schedules now to drive the kids.
BTW, I know nannies are paid much more in NY and a few other states but here in Ca(atleast in the Centtral Valley area that I live in)..the $160.00 plus room & board ,a car & Gas,gym membership and food for only working 25-30 hrs a week is pretty close to the average for a live in nanny.If she worked a full fifty hr week as most live in nannies do, she would make more.This also depends on the number of children you are watching. (Of course a live out nanny is anywhere from 450.00-800.00 for that same job)
Baltimore is a very metropolitan area. What about public transportation to school? Get a room and job in the school's vicinity or on a bus or train route. You have two options, change your situation or live with it. Change probably won't be easy but it is possible. If you aren't willing to make the changes then deal with your situation. It really is that simple, trust me I've been there. :D
Kate, if someone let's you use their car for personal use and you damage it, paying for it is the right thing to do from a moral standpoint. And in many small claims courts, would likely be her legal obligation as well.
Suing them after they LEND her their car to get to school and she damages it would only prove the old saying no good deed goes unpunished.
This is not to say they have any business punishing her the way they are now. But if she is going to put up with it, that's her choice. At this point,she needs to sh-t or get off the pot as my grandmother used to say.
I have to agree with manhattenmamma: it is time to take a break from being a driver: financially you seem to have no choice. Think how much money you will save by not having to pay for gas and car insurance. As I have already said, I feel very badly for you, it seems this family is taking advantage of you. But if you want something to change, you need to activate change by examining all your options, and living without a car is one. It will be challenging, but take it from me, a person who lived without one all through college and beyond for a long time, it can be done.
Good luck!
Ok, I don't think anyone suggesting to her to just stay in all summer and save is a live-in nanny. I am and I can assure you that it will be the most horrible summer of her life. Live-in nannies need weekends and weekends outside of the place they work.
Sarah, she should really quit now but I can't advise her to do that as I don't know her situation. If she has family or friends that can offer her a place to stay until she gets on her feet that's one thing but I could never advise someone leave a job without a back up plan. It's only one summer. She's been dealing with this a while now so a few more months really won't kill her. Better to be unhappy for a while longer with an end in sight and goal in mind then to leap before she looks. Having a plan will make the summer more tolerable than she realizes.
11:26, umm... of course she can't and shouldn't sue them just because they don't want her to drive their car anymore. (DUH). However, they ARE paying her below minimum wage, always have been, and now want to cut the pay further, so asssuming that her hours are not being reduced due to the revision of her job description, she is making WELL BELOW minimum wage. Also, just because an employee agrees to work off the books does not excuse the employer from legal liability for initiating the illegal agreement. So if you're paying your nanny under the table, better keep her happy!
They have also violated their agreement to GIVE her the car if she'd cover the insurance herself, apparently AFTER giving it, and must be out of their minds if they are willing to treat the person like this who takes care of their so-called beloved CHILDREN. As employers treat their nanny, that demonstrates how much they care about their children.
I still say OP should talk to some lawyers and get their take. Why should these people be exempt not only from all employment laws but from basic decency? Perhaps THEY need to s*$t or get off the pot, and either fire her or keep her under reasonable terms, but they are clearly too selfish to do either. They should count themselves lucky that she is giving them so much notice.
also, if they had not violated their agreement, SHE would be the registered owner of the car and SHE would be paying the insurance on it so your theories on them being afraid of liability for accidents are moot. They are just trying to scrape every last penny they can get out of her because she has politely sucked it up for so long and they know they probably can't get anyone else for that price.
Unfortunately, I know exactly where you are OP.
I moved from a small, slow, rural town to the NYC metro area last August. You can imagine that driving was a huge shock to me. I ended up in 3 accidents within the first 8 months- granted 1 wasn't my fault (someone backed into me) and 1 that was didn't involve another car (but ended up costing $4,000.)
My employers were, very understandably, upset, but they also understood my position. I never got any sort of pay dock, or harassment about the accidents. They just begged that I be more careful lol.
In any case, I have to agree with everyone here that honey, you're getting taken big time. If you work your wages out, you're making just over $6/hr on those weeks that you only work 25 hours a week. No kind of benefits in the world can replace money, which you need right now. Do what is best for you, but may I also advise you to be respectful to your bosses. You will most likely still need their reference when you do find a job!
Calimom, if I read her original post correctly she had the accident using the car on her time for her own purposes and they were carrying the insurance. How anyone could think the damages are not, at the very least, half her responsibility, is beyond me.
Also, if they gave her the car legally then they can't take it back. She would have the title. I can only gather the agreement was made under the table and even though she is covering the expenses the car is still in their name as is the insurance therefore, an accident like the second one, especially if she is deemed 'at fault' would very much reflect back to her employers an impact their rates and liability. If they hold the title and the insurance she is, in essence, renting the car from them informally. We can't be sure if they said she could "Have" the car or "use" the car as long as she covers the insurance and repairs. This would be extremely shaky legal ground for her and I don't see her winning on this matter.
As for being paid under the table. She could go to the IRS, but wouldn't that then turn the spotlight on herself as well? If one agrees to work off the books and another agrees to pay them off the books, they are both breaking the law. To sue now because her relationship has gone South would not be right legal and moral levels.
This is why I said she made some mistakes.
First by agreeing to work off the books.
Second, by simply agreeing to pay for the damages without getting estimates for herself if she didn't do that.
Third, if she simply made an under the table deal to use or have the car while she pays the insurance and maintenance, she put herself in a no win situation. I'm not saying her employees are treating her well and fair but she made her bed through presumably youthful errors. She needs to make a plan to correct that now. She could try suing, but I think she would gain little. She could go to the IRS out of spite but that could backfire on her if she hasn't been paying taxes for three years. Sometimes we need to suck it up and learn from our mistakes.
OP HERE: in regards to the last comment, the title was going to be put into my name, the accident happend just days before the title was supposed to go into my name.
Here are a few things to consider before suing them:
If you are also not paying taxes on what you earn, you are also guilty of a crime...which will most certainly be evident to the judge.
Your take home pay may be less than minimum wage, but when they factor in the cost of your lodging, the gym membership, and supporting you in general, I suspect you will find that your total compensation rises significantly above minimum wage.
If you have another accident and harm sopmebody and are driving a car they have ANYTHING to do with IN ANY WAY, they could lose EVERYTHING they have. Why? Because they are providing the vehicle to allow a potentially unsafe driver being on the road. They have REASON TO BELIEVE you are not a safe driver and now become RESPONSIBLR should they assist you in having a car. When my son turned 18 I transferred the title of his vehicle into his name. I then went to the insurance agent and transferred his insurance to his name. It was then that I was informed that my attempt to disengage myself legally from liability should he have an accident would not protect me since I contribute to his support. As long as he is in college on my dollar he is my dependent and I can be held legally and financially responsible for his accidents. I asked about not claiming him as a dependent on my incopme taxes. Doesn't help.
They must protect their family against any future lawsuit on your behalf since you have crashed the car too many times too quickly.
A LOT of young people are not provided a car by their parents or anybody else. You may need to get a better paying job. On the other hand, you ought to consider the cost of living in your area and determmine what is YOUR best economic scenario before making any drastic moves. Even though at first blush this whole scene sounds liek a ripoff, oyu may find that oyu are actually getting a LOT more for your time than you ever really realized.
oh honey! leave them!
Remember, a lot of college students do not have $500-$600 left over after paying their living expenses each month.
Figure out what an apartment and food and utilities would cost you each month. Figure out what you would TAKE home after taxes each month in a WELL paying job (But one that you can reasonably be expected to get. This is no time to play fantasy land about your qualifications and what jobs you can actually GET.)Figure out how much you would have left over after paying for everything yourself that these people are now providing you. If you can clear more spending money by leaving them, do it. But if you cannot, then you need to be realistic and realize that you might actually have a good thing going. It's really too bad about the accidents, and two in 6 months could conceivably happen to even the best of drivers with the worst of luck. Maybe you had a bad break there, but bad things happen to people all the time and we just have to deal with them whether they are "fair" or not.
2:47,
I disagree. This doesn't sound like a good emotional situation for OP: she should make leaving them her priority, no matter how much she has to cut corners, even if it means taking a semester off from school in order to work full time.
I would imagine that it is very hurtful emotionally to stay at a job where you are unhappy, especially in a home of people who dislike you. She is not trapped and should not feel so: she just may have to sacrifice. Certainly she should budget, but getting out of that home should be priority number one. It sounds like it is not a good living situation.
I really don't think the car issue is a problem. I think the problem is the way the employers are forcing OP into a situation.
Her pay is going down, rather than up, after THREE years?! And honestly, 2 accidents in 3 years isn't awful, like some are making it out to be. I personally have never been in an accident, but I won't drive on icy roads (I don't have to deal with them very often either). I'd say as far as the car is concerned, take a driving course. But only so you can tell the next family that you took a driving course of your own will, so you could be a safer driver, even though they were truly "accidents." That would look very good and responsible on your part.
But the big concern here is why they are taking such advantage of this nanny?? They are paying her $5 to watch multiple kids, and soon it will be $4/hour! That is outrageous! There is NO reason she should be getting paid that little, even as a live-in nanny. Especially now that she will have no means of transportation. When you consider that she had to pay the insurance (likely with the extra to provide max medical for the passengers), she is making next to nothing, and they are keeping her in this situation by not letting her get what she deserves.
Forget the car- Op, a car is nothing. These people are taking advantage of you BIG time. Also, 4 weeks is 4 weeks too many. Give them a standard 2-weeks notice. That way, if they let you go earlier out of retaliation (sounds like they might), you are only out half a month, as opposed to an entire month with no job and no place to live. Either way, get out of there. And next time, negotiate a contract. The only way you will be viewed as a porfessional is if you present yourself as one. Get a contract, get it in stone, and talk about these potential problems long before they have a chance to happen.
Two accidents in such a short time? I'd probably let you go. Why aren't they letting you go?
Because you accepted a job working for them at an unacceptable salary and they probably like how you do the job.
Walk. Now.
Get your paycheck Friday and move out in the dead of night. Don't look back.
I completely agree with Mom and was alluding to many of these very same points in my own posts. However, Mom, it was very kind of you to take the time to spell everything out in such a basic way. I hope this helps the OP, Cali Mom, and everyone understand the situation more fully. Thanks, Mom.
cali mom, why always so nasty...(DUH remark.) Childish and not needed at all.
Unless op holds the title to the car when an accident occurs, the parents are responsible for all damages. Even if op covers the car insurance, parents are still responsible .
A lawsuit in light of a relationship turned bad is rotten and such a suggestion reflects a persons character.
in my opinion your advice is in bad taste .
Also, if she is indeed working off the books, your advice will land her in the same trouble as it will the parents.
The best solution is to decide to stay or go and act quickly as to avoid any unpleasant situations.
I am very careful with whom I allow my children in the car with.
She may be a wonderful nanny but her unfortunate accidents are no doubt interferring with her ability to perform the job she was hired to do, as her employers are no longer comfortable with 2 accidents in a 6 month period of time.
Don't forget that OPs hours were probably cut significantly with the parents having to take the kids to all of their activities themselves now.
Op, we also need to know if you are paid off the books. We are all assuming that you are, but I'm not quite sure why that is. Is this $125.00 your off the books pay, or your net after taxes are removed.
If you are on the books your actual salary is higher.
OP HERE: Im off the books, my hours have not been cut, they dont really have many places to be driven to except maybe twice a week.
OP, then you really don't need a car to do your job. Perhaps the parents don't want to provide a means to injure yourserlf or thers as they may now feel you are an unsafe driver.
Approach them and tell them since you can't drive the children anymore they can deduct those hours from your pay and you will obviously have them off. If the you are required to ride with the parents an assist them then they have no right to deduct anything as you are still working. I agree with MM in the fact that you damaged their vehicle the first time using it for your own purposes and so you should rightfully pay for that damage. I would expect my own children to partially pay for my vehicle if they damaged it. Since you say things haven't always been great they are bound to get worse now so move on or be unhappy.
Since you are being paid off the books the advice to sue or report them to the authoirities is ridiculous unless you a prepared to be penalized yourself.
So time to start figuring things up then.
How much would it cost you to get an apartment? Near school or even on campus is best because you won't need a car that way. Try to have roommates to save on cost. Not having a car for as long as you can manage will save you a bundle in gas, insurance and repairs in addition to the actual cost of the vehicle. Have your friends with cars drive on your nights out, but be sure to chip in generously for gas so the won't get resentful.
So what is that apartment cost?
Figure out what you need for food. I would guess at around $75.00 per week if you budget carefully and cut coupons. (This includes only groceries, not eating out.)That's $300.00 per month.
Utilities will be about $200.00- $300.00 depending on season and presuming you have roommates to share in the cost. If not, plan $500-$600 for all utilities, cable, phone, etc.
So that's $500.-$600.00 conservatively without rent (if you have roommates to share utilities.)
Assuming that is in the lower range of $125.00 per week for those things, your current "compensation" has just jumped to $250.00 per week.
If you can share an apartment with somebody for $500.00 per month (Your share of the rent. And this is wholly determined by the cost of rents in your area, so you need to find the real number for this)then that takes your current compensation up to $375.00 per week.
If you work 25 hours per week that equals out to $15.00 per hour that you would need to TAKE HOME, after taxes to live, MINIMUM. This assumes that you have no health or renters insurance, no doctor visits or other unforseen financial setbacks, and that you do not pay for outside entertainment or go to any restaurants.
For 30 hours per week, you would need to TAKE HOME $12.50 per hour to meet these minimum needs.
And remember, the two financial scenarios above do not include having ANY money left over at the end of the week/month for clothes, fun, saving for a car, or ANYTHING else.
You could make ends meet by working longer hours, but that would cut into your ability to attend classes, your study time, and your recreation time.
So yeah, this may not be a financial windfall for you, but you might want to look at the bigger picture before riding off into the sunset on your high horse.
This does not sound as much like a "professional" nanny situation as it does some parents who want to have some cheap childcare and thought taking in a college student who might be grateful for the room and board and a bit of spending money might be a win win siutation for both parties. And maybe a youngter who did not research her options properly?
So do that research now, but hold onto what you have until you see what is out there and are actually sure oyu can better your situation somewhere else. I know oyu feel hurt and taken advantage of now, but maybe if oyu do some research and find that you are doing pretty well after all, that ought ot change oyur feelings. And if you research and find you can do much better elsewhere, good for you. But big moves such as this are best not made in haste or anger. You will find that out as your life progresses.
It sounds (reading between the lines)like you may have both disappointed each other in some areas. MY suggestion would be to think carefull and maybe have a serious discussin with them about oyur concerns. it may be that mom wants to keep you on and so is working ot keep you happy, while dad is upset and refusing to keep paying for your mistakes. Maybe she is walking a delicate line between the two of you, and lettingher know you have sensed a serious issue may bring about some honest discussion and some positive change.
Good post mom!!
snide posts cm
Manhattanmamma said @ 11:34 am
""""Kate, if someone let's you use their car for personal use and you damage it, paying for it is the right thing to do from a moral standpoint. And in many small claims courts, would likely be her legal obligation as well."""""
If she's using her employers car in the capacity of their employee....borrowed to take to school or not........they should cover everything with the car. She is their employee! Right now, she is their slave. If these people have a nanny.....they have money! They're obviously cheap!
Wrong Kate.
She is their employee. She is not their child.
She was driving negligently and damaged their property while using it for her own personal use in a non work related capacity.
At the very least she ought to accept the moral responsibility for the damage she caused by taking their vehicle out in an ice storm. That is an act of negligence.
Maybe part of what the family is getting upset with her about is her inability to take any responsibility for her actions. It is not uncommon for somebody her age to take the view that anything that happens to them must somehow be somebody else's fault. The way she describes the ice accident makes it sound like she is an innocent victim of circumstance. That can't be entirely possible if she drove the car knowing there was ice.
Mom, only thing about the car if the title had been put in her name and the insurance as well, is that they could NEVER claim her as a dependant, so I still don't think there would really be any liability for them if something horrendous happened.
But anyway, the bottom line is that IF they really want her to stay, they are making it very difficult for her, and they have definitely been taking advantage of her for the last 3 years. $160 / 25 hrs + cost of gym membership is not more than $6.50/hr, and for multiple kids, that's really low even for a live-in situation. The previous deal with use of the car + insurance + gas was closer to adequate, but they are basically eliminating ALL of her job benefits, reducing her salary for the same number of hours worked, and expect her to stay on. It's unreasonable. If she is now working 30 hours for $125/wk, she is making $4.16/hr. And for that matter, if her salary WAS $160/wk, and she is paying $100/mo towards the car damage, that *should* still leave her with $135/wk, so they are REALLY scraping the bottom of the barrel here. They don't deserve a competent nanny, though of course their kids do.
cali mom..call your local Allstate/Farmers agency/Local Insurance co.. They offer classes that will explain how insurance works and who is responsible when an accident occurs.
It is important so you too, can protect your family if the need to let someone else use your car should ever arise.
My parents explained it when I started driving. It really is valuable info.
Cali,
If they were planning to GIVE her their car that might have been one thing. I don't know how it would play out if they gave it to her after the accidents and then she hurt somebody. The legal system can be tricky and unpredictable. (I know if she were my child the car would be taken away. I would want to be able to prove that I did what I could, knowing there was a potential problem with her driving, to keep her off the road.) And if she was working for them and had an accident they may still be liable. I don't know for sure, but they have kids to support and educate, and taking that chance might be too much for them. I seriously doubt my husband would let me keep her on at all...but I can see myself begging for mercy for her (at least letting her stay on in some capacity) because she is a student, especially if I thought she was sweet and liked her.
NO, the hourly pay is not much, but if you consider all she is receiving in living expenses (see post above)it sounds a bit more palatable. And is she living in Wisconsin? Because things are far different there than in California. I just think she ought to take every factor into account befor ejumping out of her situation. She might find herself working a lot more hours in some other job, losing her flexibility with schooling and, in the end, be worse off overall. I don't know this for sure, which is why I think she ought to at least investigate the whole picture. Maybe she will find a much better nanny situation for herself. Maybe not. keeping in mind she is a young girl...probably not an impressively resumed professional nanny.
I have no doubt that she feels quite chastised by this whole situation and the pay cut is a real slap in the face. However, I have some trouble believeing that the parents gave her this car "even though she hardly ever needs to drive the kids anywhere" and that her hours have not been reduced because they are now driving their kids around. That makes no sense.
What I picture happening is that the father now wants to fire her entirely because he is out $900.00 for the first accident, and the second one had to have cost a lot more with 3 cars damaged, one of them front and back....and now thay also have nobody to drive their kids to their activities, which is an inconvenience. But mom sounds like she wants to keep her and is trying to be extra sweet...so maybe she lobbied on her behalf and hubby said that, fine, she could stay on, but he was reducing her pay to make up for the hours she was not working by driving the kids to their activities. Then maybe he figured out what percentage of her pay she would no longer be earning and docked her accordingly. Somehow that scenario makes more sense to me.
As with many other posters, I just think there is more to this story than what has been offered. As it is written it makes no sense and makes the family she works for sound crazy. I suspect there are two sides and that the ONE we are receiving is probably somewhat slanted in OPs favor. (Forgive me if I'm wrong OP, but that's how it usually goes when one is telling their own side of a conflict situation.)
OP here, just to clarify, I had no choice but to drive in the ice, I was in class when the storm started and my class let out at 10 PM when the school closed, so I had to go home.
I'm so sorrry that I am coming off like such a "mom" OP. It's just that I have a kid your age, and after dealing with him and his friends for so long, I just always have a feeling there's a little more to the story than meets the eye when one of them turns up as a completely innocent and unsuspecting "victim of circumstance." And I was young once and felt just the same way myself.
On my high school graduation night I had my brand new car pummeled by a band of drug crazed punk rockers who my idiot boyfriend of the time insulted in a parking lot. I felt very victimized. When i got home and reported the incident to my dad, he got mad at ME! "How could he blame me" I wondered, "an innconet victim?" Then he pointed out that it was ME who took my car to that questionable location in the first place and ME who chose the idiot instigator of a loser boyfriend to hang out with. I was really mad then. But you know what? Forward to several years later...I stay away from questionalble locations at all costs and I don't hang around with hotheads who are known to fight. My dad was actually RIGHT. I'm just saying....perspective makes a big difference.
That said, I LOVE young college age kids and I do want the best for you. I am not saying anything to you that I would not say to my own son...who has my heart on a string. Your job may be completely unfair. (Or it may not. You need to do some serious research now.) And I do feel bad for how this "punsihment" has probably bruised your ego...and cramped your style too! But on the other hand, this might still be a better option for you in the long run if you can't make a significant amount of money somewhere else working the same hours. Here's the mom advice I give my son. Your education is your first priority. You need to do what you need to do to get that accomplished while working as little as possible outside school so that your grades do not suffer. I know how much kids your age need to party....but set your sites on that education before anything else. You won't be sorry in the long run.
And I would talk to the people...maybe mom alone first. It sounds like she does like you. Maybe as "slave labor" as some people suggest...but maybe she just likes you and thinks you're sweet? Come on...isn't that a possibility? When young people get mad their entire view of the world changes to fit their mood sometimes. Am I right? Is it at all possible that the scenario I suggested transpired between the parents? I have a husband..and many male friends...I know how they can get in these kinds of situations. Just think about it.
Mom, thanks for your wonderful comment on my situation. If it werent for school, I wouldnt be quite as upset about this situation as I am, school is my number one priority, never been much of a partier, i mainly hang out with my boyfriend when i have some free time, and thankfully hes been supportive through all of this, hes been drving to see me 2 -3 days a week, (we live 20 miles apart). I came to baltimore to be able to work and go to school at the same time, and in all the time ive been here, I have made my home here.
I know the mom likes me, shed love for me to stay and she said that, she offered to take me to old navy and buy me a new summer outfit since I obviously cant afford to buy any clothes.
However, maybe things are looking up, I spoke with a lady today for an hour and a half and she kept saying it sounds like things would work out, and was happy I was upfront and honest about the accidents. She would offer me what im making now, a car, flexible hours (they work from home), less hours, overtime pay, vacation, and she lives within walking distance of my boyfriend, and 5 minutes from my school, at that rate i almost wouldnt need a car! She is excited to meet me, the only downside is that I wouldnt have my own room, until they move, theyre looking to buy a new house. We seemed to have so much in common, photography, camping, travel, the beach. Ah it would be so wonderful. I hope it works out. I posted an ad on craigslist, was honest about my current situation, and got more responses than before, tho most of them dont fit my situation or were creeps.
Thanks,
The OP
OP-
I have to be honest, the new job offer still doesn't sound that great. Honey, what you're making now won't cut it. Depending on how many "less" hours you'd have I mean. $160 a week is tough to live off of in any place, but much less in your area. And not having your own room? That should be a no-go. If you mean you'd have to share a room with the child, DON'T do it. It could lead to all sorts of trouble- legal hassle and what have you. If something were to go wrong and the child cried wolf about you doing ANYTHING inappropriate, the parents could take you to court in the blink of an eye.
It sounds really fishy all the way around honestly. And aside from the legal hassle, you need your personal space. Whether they're getting ready to move or not, they should provide you with your own room at all times; even if that means paying for a hotel room or doing a month by month lease on a close apartment for you. Asking you to share a room with anyone, and on top of that paying you $160 a week, isn't fair. Think about it and make sure you're not selling yourself short on this one.
Best of luck.
I think it does sound like a potentially good arrangement but I also wondered where the HECK would they think you would live until they moved?? Even if you could find a good apartment with roommates, they should cover your rent costs UNTIL they can provide you with your own room. And of course, when they move, they may no longer be within walking distance of your school and 5 minutes from your boyfriend. But if they can pay your hoousing expenses, go for it!
The room would be in the same room as the babies crib, but she said the baby doesnt sleep in there at all. Theres a day bed in there, when they move, theyre looking for a place in the same area but with a bigger house. Its much cheaper to live on that side of town. Plus this time, id actually be added to their car insurance, and id have 24/7 access to the vehicle. At this point id do just about anything to get out of here. I wouldnt even have to work weekends, and if I did, shed pay me extra, and she didnt even want me to do housework (im doing ALOT of housework now).
The OP
There are times when you have to drive in the ice and snow. Telling a nanny that she should have just stayed where she was ,please, she should have slept in the library?
Oh her employers would have liked that. They sound like aholes.
They have lowered her wages, taken the car and they think they got away with something. The girl needs a lawyer and a new job .
I don't think she lying about
anything. Just because some of us have had kids that lied to us about accidents and such does not mean she is.
Can you stay at your boyfriends apartment? Or can you guys get a place together, that way you won't have to be a live-in.
You sound quite angry 2;15, whereas OP sounds upbeat and positive.
Good news that there are potential sitations out there that will suit your needs. Keep your eyes open and a good one will open up.
Please be careful on Craigslist.
Holy Crap, NO! Don't move in with your botfriend! Who suggested such a short sighted option? Would you tell YOUR own daughter to do that?
Lets get real. So they don't live together. Do you really think nothing is going on between them already whether they live together or not.. I am sure shes getting some action.
My parents were clueless when I was young. I would sneak boys in my room while they slept.
Its only when I became pregnant, did they realize I was having sex. They thought I was dating my boyfriend at the time for three years and not doing anything.
So all you moms out there wake up
3:38,
Just because a mother does not advise her daughter to shack up with her boyfriend at the first sign of harship does not mean she is naive enough to think her daughter is not sexually active. I think what 3:09 is trying to say is that it is not a good choice.
I tend to agree, personally, but everyone is different. If OP is of age, she is free to do as she chooses. As her mother, though I would still advise against it, weather or not they are sleeping together.
My boyfriend is 27 and I am 23, weve been dating 8 monthes but neither of us in a position for us to live together and were both smart enough to know that, regardless of our sexual activity. ;)
Couples who live together are
1)less likely to actually marry in the end and
2) more likely to divorce if they do.
OP You sound like a lovely girl. I just hate to suggest you do anything that might make your life harder in the end rather than easier.
There's a reason the high road is less traveled...and a reason that those who take the time to navigate it are generally better off and happier in the end.
I'm just saying....
Who in their right mind can even TRY to live on 125 a week? Quit. Now.
Are you kidding? There was a time when having $125.00 a week left over AFTER my living expenses were paid would have made me feel like an heiress!
I agree with One Fab Nanny -
Bad idea sharing a room with the kid.
How do you know the Parents won't decide they want some "down time" and start asking to keep the child in your room?
There seems to be some good points to this job, but don't let that override what will actually work out for you in the long run because there seems to be a lot of uncertainty here.
What if they can't find another home close to where they live now?
What if they change their mind about the housework? Or the hours?
Make sure you get it all in writing, whether you pick this Family, or another.
Try to think everything through before you make a decision.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.
Keep us posted.
So OP. whats the deal? tell us what happened?
well i was offered a job last night for only a little bit more money and more hours, the said they do their best to accomadate my classes, and theyd loan me money to get a car.
I also have an interview tonight, with a job I'd like more, for the same pay and really flexible hours and close to everything i go to on a daily basis.
This is a big decision. Don't stop looking until you find a situation you feel really GREAT about!
Why can't you look for a position where you can earn MORE? Why settle for slave wages? I don't get the way you seem to be thinking...
And for pete's sake, DO NOT hire on with the family that's moving "soon", because "soon" might mean in several years.
Please don't take a job with a family that will "TRY" to accomodate your class schedule.
School should be a priority!
You haven't found the right job yet.
You need one with MORE pay, CLOSE to school, with FLEXIBLE hours so it won't intervene with schoolwork.
Keep looking ......
I accepted a position last night, thats going to be pretty flexible with school.
Well good for you (I hope?) - can you give us more info on the one you decided to take?
is it odd that she asked for infor for a background check after she offered me the position and i accepted? wouldnt she do that before?
It strikes me as odd. I suspect she was so happy to get a nanny for as little salary as you asked for that she jumped to hire you and thought later.
You really need to keep in mind YOUR needs and get EVERYTHING in writing before you leap. I've jumped from one shitty job straight to another one just because I wanted out of the 1st one so badly, and I think it's a common mistake, so try to avoid it!
3:10
I don't know why you continue to 'low-ball' yourself.
Why not try asking for a figure closer to what you think your worth?
I think your so afraid of someone rejecting what amount you ask for, you accept whatever job you can get for a pittance.
Please tell us about the one you accepted?
.... and yes, quite strange the new Employer would ask for a BG check after she hired you.
Find a new nanny job on sittercity ASAP! Thay are not paying you enough.
Who says sittercity will pay you what you're worth, either?
Do you work for them?
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