Wednesday

Overbearing Grandmother.....

Received Wednesday, May 21, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
I have recently started working with my new family about 6 weeks ago. They are wonderful. Completely easy-going and personable people. This week, however,the Mom's Mom is visiting and she is driving me nuts.She literally follows me around the entire day telling me what to do and how to do it. I'm trying to be as accommodating as possible, knowing that she will be leaving, but it's annoying! And last night I seriously lost sleep over it. How have other people handled the overbearing Grandma? Is there a way to politely get her to stop giving me orders? I wish there was a rule that nannies got paid more when annoying family visited. After all, we are doing more work.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

UCK! That sucks! I know! You just have to suck it up, unfortunately, but I agree, we should get paid more money when we are forced to be tortured by visiting bossy nosebag relatives.

(((hugs to you)))

mom said...

Nanny, my own mother was like this with me so I feel for you.
However, if Grandma is going to be there only a short time I would just live with it, be as nice to her as possible and keep your mouth shut.
Granny will probably give your employers an earful about your performance from her own perspective...either good or bad...once she leaves. Probably the more you get along with Grandma the better your report is going to be. Be receptive to her suggestions, act appreciative of them, and humor her while she's there.
You can always hope Grandma is critical of her own daughter too, so that your employer will take an criticisms of you with a grain of salt.

atl nanny said...

Ugh, I have been there and it sucks. There's not much worse than overbearing grandmas who come to visit and completely disrupt all routines and rules while patronizing and micromanaging the nanny. I've dealt with this in numerous jobs, and unfortunately, the only thing you can do is wait it out. Hopefully the visit is almost over.

Nanny Lea said...

It's a hard few days, but like has been stated it will soon be over. Try to be overly accomidating it will make the little stuff seem easy. Take lots of walks to let you and the kids breathe a bit.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been at my current job for 3years and do not look forward to the times when grandma is supposed to come. The first time she came I almost quit my job. According to her nothing I did was good enough: I didn't feed the baby right, didn't play with him enough, didn't let him have his space, etc.
Even though I hate when she comes, I know that she will leave again. I just smile and try to be as nice as possible, even though there are times when I have to scream into a pillow when she isn't around, to calm myself down.
If she gets too overbearing, you might want to talk to the parents. I did just that, when the grandma decided to bark out orders at me ... I wasn't working for her, so why should I bring her food, etc.? The parents took my side and had a talk with her. She is still rude and overbearing, but it has gotten better over time.
Good luck to you! Remember, just smile, nod and be nice to her.

UmassSlytherin said...

How old is this grandma? Is she elderly? If not, why doesn't Mom want to give you the week off, or even some half-days so that the grandma can spend time with the child?
Just curious. I once nannied for a family (who incidentally were not the greatest people in the world) and even they let me leave early some days the week that the grandmother was visiting.

garnet said...

I've had a different problem; my (now former) charges' grandma is clueless about the kids, she has no idea how to keep them entertained, or even how to interact with them. It was really frustrating when she would get upset because the kids would rather be with me, hold my hand, etc.

The grandma in question is the father's mother. The kids' mother privately told me that she wished she could give me the week off when the grandma was there, but she didn't trust the grandma to look after the children all day. :(

I ended up babysitting grandma too.

Anonymous said...

Every time one parent goes out of town, which is at least one week/month, the grandma comes for the whole time to "help" the other parent at night. But she is there with me all day. It is tough. We have to be together every day for that week and she wants to call all the shots and go everywhere with us. I even had to do deep cleaning of the house with her while the girls were napping one afternoon.

I just try to let her take the lead and I can hardly wait until she goes home.

It's hard when the parents are home when you're trying to work and its also very hard when grandma is there.

Anonymous said...

i would handle it very different.. tell her straight in her face..would you like to take over for the week you are here?...i go an vacation and you deal with them 12 hours a day..the day you go back home i come back to work..
this way i will not get on your nerves and neither will you on mine..

Anonymous said...

You know I think I may talk to my employer about this . It sounds like this woman never had a nanny or could boss anyone around but her own kids when they were younger. You are paid to watch the children and not be harassed by "Granny from hell". It won't stop unless you say something to the person that has this woman for a mother. I would be honest with the Mom and tell her that she needs to tell the woman to back off.

Anonymous said...

2:55 unless you have an agreement that you do deep cleaning I would have said NO. When the children nap it is my time to take a break. Don't be a door mat for this woman. Tell her no and let her go and tattle maybe then the parents will know what she is pulling. She is NOT your employer.

fox in socks said...

OP, if you think the grandmother annoys YOU by following you around and telling you what to do, just imagine what she is doing to her own son or daughter, your employers! I guess that's why they continue to go to work during Grandma's week, and leave her with the nanny instead of having a family week.

Just try to grin and bear it. You might gently suggest to your employer, if you're on friendly terms, that this has been a very tough week. The employer may have a ton of sympathy for you. This kind of shared understanding would really help to make your week more bearable. Good luck.

Miserly Bastard said...

Act like a pro and suck it up.

undercover regular said...

Miserly
I'm appalled at your behavior, young man!
Time-out! ..... lol

Anonymous said...

Every time I come here, I'm happier and happier about my family. The grandparents all defer to me when I'm around. It's awesome.

Anonymous said...

Grandma's just visiting, right?
Grin and bear it. Do your best to tolerate her and try to convince her you think all her suggestions are wonderful. Say things like "You're an expert! I really appreciate your wisdom" (you can roll your eyes about it later, in private. lol).
She'll be gone soon enough and things will return to normal.
Don't stress out about it.

OP said...

Thanks for the advice! I think my bosses could kind of tell I was a little put off and they must have said something to her because yesterday she acted not quite so overbearing.
Hopefully my post makes other bosses realize that nannies don't always appreciate when you have people visiting because it gives us more to do for the same amount of money, even when they might think the visitors are 'helping' us.

mpp said...

Great post, OP. And I think any time an Employer has company over it can double the workload ... Nannies should be paid accordingly.

Jane Doe said...

A month in to my first nanny job, the grandmother came to visit. The job could not have been going any better, I loved it!

But when grandmother came, I was nearly in tears. Grandma was a chain smoker. I am as anti-smoking as they come and have been since the beginning. She smoked in the house. I was 20 and a college junior, I didn't say anything. Grandma also liked to drink scotch. Grandma also gave me instructions regarding how to make dinner and dreamt up cleaning projects we could tackle together. The worst of it? Grandma had me setting and styling her hair. Yes, setting her hair!

Back then I didn't know how to say no. I'm glad I toughed it out-for the month she stayed- like I said, 15 years later, I am still very much in touch with the family, (amazing family by the way). Shout out to Vera B. who taught me the importance of searing a pot roast and introduced me to the wizardry of crock pot cookery.

mpp said...

That must've been awful! I assume the Parents didn't smoke, so I wonder why they allowed Grandma to do it in the house ... around the children?! Ugh ... Poor you!

UmassSlytherin said...

Smoking around babies is one of my major pet peeves: in the childcare center I used to work at, there was a woman who worked in the room with me (an amaaaazing teacher, by the way: kind and patient, and funny and smart) but she smoked on her breaks and it just reeked so bad. :(

mpp said...

I don't know how my lungs are so clear. I grew up in a house full of chain smokers.
I'm sure they didn't realize back then how dangerous second hand smoke was, but now, there is no excuse.

OP said...

Wow, I just got my pay for the week and there was an extra $100....I wonder if my boss reads this blog! Lol!

mpp said...

Good for you, OP! Nice tip!
What a way to start the weekend!