Friday

Accosted and Accused....

Received Friday, May 16, 2008- Rant
I just have to say that as a nanny and a parent, who has her own son with her all day and 2 other children as well, I totally respect people older than myself and their opinions about child rearing. But today a lady crossed that line.

We were having lunch at Red Lobster, 2 adults and 6 kids. The kids were all being great, except then one of my 2 year olds decided he was going to stand up in his chair. I asked him nicely to have a seat, and he swung his arm in my general direction. Now he has been having an issue lately were if he does not like something he hits the closest thing to him, whether it be a person, the TV, or himself. His mom and I decided together that this was not going to be tolerated at all, as we do not allow hitting in any form. So I gave him a stern warning that he was not to swing his arm at anyone and that he needed to remain seated in his chair. Following that he proceeded to hit the little boy next to him as he was angry with what I had just told him. Well that meant timeout for him. So I calmly proceeded over to his chair, removed him from it and took him by the hand and led him from the restaurant, in a timely fashion. When we got outside I placed him next to the bench in the corner for timeout and I sat next to him, paying no attention to him, while I set my watch timer for two minutes.

Well next thing you know I am being accosted by an older lady, screaming at me that I was going to cause him permanent physical injury by leading him from the restaurant by his arm. I politely said "thank you for your concern, but that he was fine." Well she could not let it go at that, she accused me of ABUSING him but forcing him to hold my hand and walk out of the restaurant and stand in time out. Let me say right now, at no pint did I yank him by his arm, ever lift him off the ground by his arm, or do anything but lead him in a quickly fashion from the restaurant. I became quite enraged at her allegation of abuse. I still tried to be polite and told her that he was going to remain in time out for two minutes, no matter her feelings on the matter, and truly it was none of her business. I had not treated him in any way that was inappropriate, and I was not standing outside beating him, and that I had nothing further to say to her. Well that just ticked her off and she went back in and complained to the manager of Red Lobster who informed her he could do nothing about it, and she stormed out with her husband.

My little man finished his two minutes, we walked back inside and had a peaceful finish to lunch. But I am just enraged that someone would have the nerve to say that I was abusing him. Had it been my own son who did it I would have taken the same steps. I could understand someone saying something if I had been beating on him, or degrading him in any way, as I myself will say something to a parent or nanny that treats a child in that way. But to correct an unwanted behavior with timeout and stern polite words, and still be accused of abuse just sent me over the edge. I am not sure I handled it right or what I would do next time, but I thought I would see what the rest of you had to say.

72 comments:

TexasNanny said...

Sounds like you handled it very well, and with much more class than I would have.

I love how you call him your little man and other ways you refer to him, you sound like you truly love him and are a great nanny to him.

UmassSlytherin said...

The lady was out of line. I am sorry that happened to you.

Hellcat said...

You handled the situation as I would hope to have the sense to do. Then again, I would not be brave enough to take a small child to a restaurant.

Anonymous said...

The old lady sounds like my mother-in-law. If we put our 6 or 4 year old in time out while she's around, she encourages them to come out and makes a big stink about how we are suppressing thier creativity and individuality. My in-laws have babysat on a weekend or two so my husband and I can have a night out, and even took them once for 4 days so we could have a romantic getaway on our 10 year anniversary, but when they come back the next day they are unruly and usual end up in far more time outs than normal. Most days they behave wonderfully--they usual only get time out 3-4 times a week if they not around my mother in law, but whenever they spend any amount of time under her care, we usually have at least 2-3 a day for the next couple of days after that. She's a wonderful, kind, loving lady, but her ideas on discipline are odd.

You reacted the right way and shame on her for butting in where you were just apply appropriate discipline.

Anonymous said...

Op, you did the correct thing with the disruptive 2 yr. ole and, under the circumstances, handled the older woman's comments very well. Crazy people are everywhere...unfortunate you ran into one.

Kate in CO said...

'Sounds to me like you handled the situation well......you were professional and polite. Don't be hard on yourself and KNOW that you did the right thing with the child. The world has crazy ideas when it comes to discipline. The most important thing you did was get the child's attention and let him know his behavior was inappropriate........too bad you couldn't do the same with the old lady!!! Good job, OP.

Anonymous said...

As a preschool teacher of 5 days a week, ten two year olds a day, I totally agree with what you did....You handled the situation perfectly. The only thing I would suggest is talking to him after he comes out of time out of why you did it ( I know you spoke to him many times about it), cause while they are sitting there, they forget why they were even there in the first place. P.S. I totally agree with 8:39

Anonymous said...

That woman was totally out of line even approaching you and I think you handled the situation perfectly. If anything like this ever happens again, just do what you did and know that you are not in the wrong.

Of course you were not abusing the little boy and I don't know what made her think you were... perhaps she has no children of her own?

Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck!

marypoppin'pills said...

9:39 nailed it. I find that most people who have a negative opinion about your child rearing usually don't even have kids.

OP, if you think you did the right thing, don't question yourself now. It sounds like you disciplined the child properly, and I thought sitting next to him and "ignoring" him on his time out was exactly the right thing to do.

Thankfully my son behaves so well now, but we had a difficult time there for awhile, and I always found the hardest part was giving the appropriate time outs in Public. But if you wait until you get home to do it, a 2, 3 or even a 4 y.o. will forget what they did to earn the punishment.

Stand your ground the next time somebody sticks their nose in your business. Same as with the child, be polite but firm with them!

Anonymous said...

Some people just want to think they know it all when it comes to raising children. 2 Year olds are at a tough time in their lives. They really can't communicate as well as they would like or express themselves and are really testing the waters so to speak to see how much they can get away with.
Friends of ours had their 2 yr old throw a fit in a store and both grandparents took the childs hands and led her from the store ,so the child started dragging her feet and throwing herself around. Grandpa picked her up and took her to the car,just as the police car showed up. Some woman had called 911 and said they were dragging her ,letting her lay on the pavement, The druggist came out and asked what the problem was(he knew the police officers) and he said it didn't happen that way at all. The cops left and this woman pulled up (apparently she was the caller) and screamed at them about thier child abuse. It was awful, finally they had to call the cops so they could leave because she blocked them in.
I think in all honesty that if it had been me she was harrassing, I would have pulled a Kathy Bates in fried greene tomatoes, run her car over and tell her I have better insurance.
You were a saint OP.

mpp said...

11:09
Classic scene! And one of my favorites!

Anonymous said...

You handled a difficult situation, disciplining a two year old in a public place, very well. As for the rude old bat, you were polite and didn't loose you cool in front of your charge. You can be proud of yourself!
A Nanny

Anonymous said...

Some people don't understand or believe in time-outs.
These people are insane or have never dealt with children.

You did everything right.
Good job.

Anonymous said...

OP, if you get "enraged" when a clueless idiot spouts off some nonsense, how do you react when something of more epic proportions happens?

Anonymous said...

1:08
Honey, I don't know about you, but this is about as big as it can get for me! No one likes someone stepping up to them and basically tell them that as a parent: "Your doing it wrong", by commenting on your parenting skills negatively.
I've been exactly where this OP has been.
Once I raised my voice possibly too loud at my kid at a store, and they WENT OFF cussing me out - like that wasn't worse?
Some people have a lot of nerve I tell ya!

Anonymous said...

The women if a retard person who approach you. She needs to mind her damn business

Anonymous said...

If what you say is true then you did nothing inapproiate at all.
I just question when you wrote that you "took him by the hand and led him from the restaurant, in a timely fashion."
If you sped out with him not being able to keep up with your speed, then I think that is not appropiate. Can I ask why you didn't "pick him up" instead,to carry him out in a timely manner? I would have picked him up- unless you couldn't due to medical reasons, if he is only 2. Just my opinion,I mean no harm.

Anonymous said...

OP, not saying the lady was right or anything - wisdom does not always come with age -, but some children have a joint condition where if you pull them by the arm the elbow gets easily dislocated. It can be fixed in moments, but it hurts and the child will not use their arm in the mean time. Some kids are more sensitive than others, so usually they advise you
to grab the child by the torso rather than by their arm if you do have to pull them along

Cali Mom of 4 said...

OP-

congratulations on sticking to your word and actually removing him from the restaurant for a time out! I've got 4 children and we've been taking them out to eat for as long as they've all been around and if one is having a tough time we'll give them a warning and then follow through and remove them from the restaurant for a time out. I know way too many people who don't follow through and what exactly is that teaching the child?

I too have had women approach me when I've been sitting with my child in a time out or in many other situations because they think they know better than I do. I believe that you handled the situation perfectly and as much as I hate when people question and berate me for my child care techniques I know that it's going to happen from time to time and I just saw my piece and then ignore them.

just an example of the crazy people that are out there, my husband and I went out to dinner one night with our 4 kids and he dropped me and the kids off at the door while he went to park because it was not the best weather outside. As we were walking in (I was carrying a baby seat, had a 2 year old hanging onto my leg and then had a 5 and 7 year old walking with me) a women starts yelling, yes yelling! at how irresponsible I am for bringing my children out in such poor weather. Last I checked we humans don't melt in the rain and we have to eat to survive is what I said to her as we walked into the restaurant.

Anyway, I think you did well--keep up the good work, I'm sure your little man appreciates the love and care you give him!

mom said...

Good job OP. (And it doesn't sound to me like you were dragging him by the arm.)
I think it's great when people PROMPTLY remove their unruly children from restaurants and other situations when they begin to act out. The child gets immediate response to his behavior so he makes the connection in his head more clearly, and other people don't have to have their meal or movie disrupted by watching the tantrum and disciplining.

The lady who bothered you was rude, but I'm not surprised. My mom was like this whenever I disciplined my kids in even the slightest way. She would try to override my every decision, criticize me in front of the kids, and even sit and whimper audibly like a whipped puppy if I didn't give in to her. It got the where my kids would not listen to me in her presence without first looking at her and waiting to see if she would override my directions before they would obey. Soon they wouldn't obey her at all because they learned that she would do nothing no matter what they did. We had to stop letting them be with her for a while to get it all corrected. Some people have no idea that being 100% accomodating to kids desires at all times is not actually being nice to, or responsible toward, the child at all.

Anonymous said...

Should have given her a swift kick in the ass.

good for you said...

Good for you, 10:58!

You know what you're talking about.
Children should not have to be carried to their time-outs at home or in public. It's perfectly fine to lead them gently but confidently by the hand.
Our children are not made of glass. Disciplining them properly is a gift---I am so tired of people who coddle them and bow to their little toddler-whims and tantrums. Show them how to behave. Expect the best of your children, expect excellence and expect imperfection and guide them through both. Give them correction and time-outs when they need them---it teaches them cause and effect and prepares them for life in the real world.

Should we be raising a generation of ego-maniacs, or should we be raising a generation of decent people who contribute something positive to the world?

The answer is clear.

Anonymous said...

If a child is in full kick-scream-on-the-floor mode, go ahead and carry him/her to the time-out. Otherwise, the little pisher can walk!

Anonymous said...

1:27
I assume you meant to say, "little pisser". I've seen quite a few people refer to kids like that and I don't like it.

Just last night while we were out to dinner, a little girl about 4 y.o. started crying and having a fit. The mother was calmly trying to talk to her (before deciding to remove her) and dad was getting angry. Finally mom takes the little girl to leave and within earshot, as they get up to go, dad says, "God I hate kids". I gave him a stern look, and he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" .... I told him that wasn't cool for his kid to hear that.

After about 10 min., the mom and little girl came back, and she was calmer. I asked the mom if it would be o.k. if her daughter and my son sat together, maybe it would make her feel better, and she said alright.

It turned out to be a decent dinner, and they were a decent family from what I could tell - I assume dad was just very stressed and didn't react appropriately, but I'm so glad I made him "catch" himself. Let's hope he never slips up and does that again.

Anonymous said...

No one likes someone stepping up to them and basically tell them that as a parent: "Your doing it wrong", by commenting on your parenting skills negatively.
Why let people have so much power over you? If you are confident with your parenting skills, criticism from others should be irrelevant and powerless.

1:16 said...

8:27
I am fine with how I treat my children, and more importantly - so are they!
But that doesn't negate the fact that it's going to "bother" me if some moron steps up to me.

It's all good. Water off my back. It happens, I brush it off, and get on with my day.
You can't control how other people treat you or perceive you.

just anonymous said...

You're quite ambitious bringing that many kids to red lobster!

Anonymous said...

You handled it much better than I would have. I surely would have to the old bag to mind her own business and keep moving. You handled it smoothly no worries.

Anonymous said...

5:34

"Pisher" is an affectionate Yiddish term used to describe a young boy, and not meant to be offensive at all.

OP, good job handling this situation! Children do need to be taught what is appropriate behavior and what isn't so that they can function in society. That woman should have minded her own business.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, 12:17AM

Pisher=little child
Punim=face
Shayna=beautiful
Fress=eat with gusto, eat well
Tuchus=tushy

All said with affection, usually reserved for loved ones and our own children.

LindaLou said...

i think the lady should have minded her own business. certainly leading a toddler outside for a time out is no big thing.

that being said, tons of people don't believe in or use punitive time out. try googling positive discipline.

Anonymous said...

But that doesn't negate the fact that it's going to "bother" me if some moron steps up to me.

It's all good. Water off my back. It happens, I brush it off, and get on with my day.


Well your second statement contradicts your first. I would never give clueless strangers the power to "bother" me when they don't know what they're talking about.

get real said...

2:30--say WHAT?!?

"Positive discipline"=pretending you're supposed to be your child's "friend" rather than your child's PARENT!

"Positive discipline"=indulging your child rather than correcting and teaching your child.

"Positive discipline"=being too wimpy, afraid, intimidated or lazy to deal properly with your child's misbehavior.

Get real.

Anonymous said...

I know positive discipline sounds like an oxy-moron, but I get it.

For example, if your child misbehaves, instead of yelling, belittling and hitting (negative disciplines) .... you speak firmly, with a 'stern' voice, and use appropriate punishments, i.e., revoking privilages, taking away toys, time-outs.

I use every one of the above "positive" forms of discipline and it works.

*Some forms of negative discipline:

"Criticizing, discouraging, creating obstacles and barriers, blaming, shaming, using sarcastic or cruel humor, or using physical punishment are some negative disciplinary methods used with young children. Often saying, "Stop that!" "Don't do it that way!" or "You never..." is harmful to children's self-esteem."

"Any adult might occasionally do any of these things. Doing any or all of them more than once in a while means that a negative approach to discipline has become a habit and urgently needs to be altered before the child experiences low self-esteem as a permanent part of her personality."

Miserly Bastard said...

Living in NYC, I definitely sympathize with your annoyance at know-it-alls butting into your business; it is something of a competitive sport here in New York.

That said, you should be aware of a common condition called "nursemaid's elbow", which is a partial dislocation of a child's elbow due to pulling on the child by the arm.

Nursemaid's elbow is common in toddlers and children up to age 5, female children, and particularly (for some reason) with the left arm. It is a painful condition that requires at a minimum a visit to the pediatrician, and possibly also a set of X-rays.

We know about nursemaid's elbow because our nanny accidentally disclocated our daughter's arm, after catching her while she was falling from having climbed up on the sofa. (I was annoyed at the nanny, but I also understand that my kid is a real climber, and sometimes difficult to stay on top of.)

Anonymous said...

Miserly bastard,
If I were your nanny, I would probably have beat the hell out of you by now. Your nanny caught your little brat for you and you got mad at her? Yeah, you wouldn't want to drink the coffee if I were your nanny. My employer needs to show me respect.

mom said...

My sister believed in "positive discipline" as in, "any action that is not actively positive is abusive."

Saying "no no"= abusive

Time out= abusive

Loss of privelege= abusive

You get the point...

Why? because those are not activiely positive, enriching experiences for the child.

Now, I'm sure there is probably some form of rational discipline system that comes under the category of "positive discipline" as well...but what I saw from her was just plain nuts. Oh and her kids eventually ran all over her...to the point that she became so frustrated that she ended up shreiking at them, putting them in time outs and swatting their tushes as a "last resort" to gain back some semblance of control. Now, wouldn't the preemptive "no no, time out and loss of priveleges have been the better course after all?

Anonymous said...

"I calmly proceeded over to his chair, removed him from it and took him by the hand and led him from the restaurant,"
OP *led* the child out of the restaurant. How did this become a rant on injured elbows! Some responders sound like the know it all butinsky lady at the restaurant!

LindaLou said...

there are lots of misconceptions about positive discipline. it's none of the things that ANY of you have said. that's why i said to google it. it's a specific ideology, not just whatever you want to make up. there is zero point in even discussing it if everyone is not on the same page. if you want to educate yourselves, feel free. i won't be doing it. it's my job to teach my children, not a bunch of people on a message board who only believe in punishments and rewards.

marypoppin'pills said...

I've noticed every time Miserly Bastard offers his opinion, he gets jumped. What's up with that? Let the man have his say, just like everyone else on here.

I'm sure the Father didn't injure the child when he led her out of the restaurant, but it's still a decent piece of advice Miserly offered.

Sounds to me like he cares for kids, too.
Cut him some slack, huh?

Anonymous said...

We have so little input from a males perspective, I think its actually kind of cool that we have a guy trolling this blog!
Too bad there aren't more of them!

Anonymous said...

I agree--why is 9:27 jumping on Miserly Bastard? My reaction was wow he's a very understanding employer. Most employers would fire a nanny on the spot if their child receives such a serious injury while in her care. I'm surprised 9:27 can even hold a job with that attitude.

Anonymous said...

Maybe 9:27 is the kind of nanny that takes the employers toothbrush to scrub their toilet with because they looked at her cross-eyed.
I feel sorry for the family she takes care of!

Miserly Bastard is my hero said...

What are the odds that Miserly Bastard is a bored, unemployed college drop-out living at home in his parent's basement trolling the Internet & trying to start online arguments on random websites like ISYN?

Any bets?

i love miserly bastard said...

I very seriously doubt it. I've been reading his blog for quite some time and it is extremely interesting and informative. And I've never seen him start anything - people just don't always agree with what he has to say, and that's fine, but there's no need to get ugly.
Even College drop-outs aren't that smart! LOL
I appreciate some of the things he has to say.
Maybe some dumb-dumbs are just intimidated??

UmassSlytherin said...

I have read miserly bastard's blog, and I think he is who he says he is.
His blog is all about money and stuff. While I prefer to read blogs regarding hot B list celebs, he actually seems like a nice guy from what I have read.
Incidentally, I commented on his blog and was told by one of his fans in a follow-up comment that I sound drunk and like I have verbal diarrhea.
It didn't bother me much though. It was only half true.
I'm not drunk.
:)

marypoppin'pills said...

Umass,
I read that! Slightly rude, yeah? LOL
I've been through most of Miserly Bastards Blog, and it's not all about Finance and Politics.
(Which is very informative. I'm not beyond learning something new!) And there are some quite humorous anecdotes and personal stories, too.


I've also read some of your Blog, Umass.
I commented on your Curious George story - that was really funny!

Sometimes if there isn't much going on here, I may peek into someone elses Blog.
There are some really interesting people out there, that's for sure!

Lizz said...

I think i may be confused....since when are mothers the only viable parent and when a father gets involved in the conversation he is trolling. Maybe i am misunderstanding the point of this website but it seems that it is for PARENTS and nannies (male nannies as well...would they be considered trolling?) Also, kids accidentally get injured...it's what happens. If that were to happen with the parent and not with the nanny it would be looked at as harshly...no one would fire that person as a parent. Now if it were a twist fracture it would be another thing. Sorry...i know this is completely unrelated but I needed to get it off my chest!

op you handled the situation beautifully. I am a nanny for twins and I live on a very busy road where people unfortunately drive too fast. I have taken walks on this road with the children and their mom before so did not see anything wrong with it. So one day I was walking, and I was almost home from a 3 mile walk where I had followed the rules of the road and was very careful. This guy, who was speeding, stopped pulled me over and told me that he didnt think that this road was safe for me to be walking on with the kids. I politely told him that if people followed the speed limit I would be able to walk on it, and that there was no where else for us to walk in the area. He then proceded to tell me that if I wasnt careful I wouldnt live long enough to see my kids grow up (I get mistaken for their mom a lot) He sped away right after and I was so shocked that I couldnt even get his license plate number...all I could do was cry!

Anonymous said...

miserly bastard,
Do you remember me from Frankie & Johnies?

Anonymous said...

I think 3:18 may be kidding, Lizz.

mom said...

Miserly Bstard seems nice enought o me, although I haven't visited his blog. (maybe I will sometime.I'm pretty busy these days so only have a moment here and there to even look here lately ;( )

Anyway...nice to have a man's perspective. Don't chase him off. My husband wrote what he thought was a sweet comment on here a while back and immediately a bunch of women attacked him and called him a pervert and all kinds of things. He shook his head and said "Wow, these women can be vicious." He was right.

lizz said...

10:45 I dont know if they were or werent but I am not really upset (sorry if I came across that way and I hope I somehow didn't offend you...)I have just noticed that fathers seem to still get a bad rap somehow. Even on parenting magazing the tagline is what every MOTHER should know...it just doesnt seem fair. I am just sticking up for every present, active and loving father out there (like mine)! :)

UmassSlytherin said...

MPP,
yes, I know: I thank you for the comment.
you rock the house, girlie. :)

Anonymous said...

That she does!

Miserly Bastard said...

I read this blog regularly because it is heavily NYC-centric, and it allows me to keep tabs on my nanny, albeit imperfectly. Also, I manage the nanny relationship, and I like to see what issues other nannies and parents are dealing with.

Jean said...

Thank you all for you input. To those of you that commented that you wonder how I would react to a more stressful situaton, to me there is not one. Nothing bothers me more than a false accusation especially of that magnitude. I am not easily offended, as I have learned over many years not to be. When you are a nanny, a parent, a lesbian, and live in a state where people do not support your lifestyle, nor your parenting choices, you learn to let a lot roll off your back, and I have had some pretty rude comments out there. It really just caught me off guard to be followed out of somewhere and accosted, as normally when we are out we recieve such great compliments. Sometimes the mix of hormones and others negative feelings tends to get to me more now than it would have in the past. Also now that the time has passed and I have calmed down, I realize that why she was overreacting that one day her nosy self may actually stop someone from injuring their child. While her comments at me were misguided and out of line, at least she took the initive to stand up and try and stop someone she "believed" was causing harm to another. Maybe if more people were biddies such as her, more kids would have a fighting chance.

As for why I did not pick him up, if he had been injured or truly showed a need to be carried, but he is capable of walking and that is what I encourage him to do. Not to mention the more pregnant I become the harder it is to carry him, as he is quite heavy. Also I have been slowly breaking them nto the understanding that they need to walk to get places, not get carried, as I have a non walker that must be carried now and another on the way!

For those of you who are advocates of positive or gentle discipline, good for you if you know how to truly make it work correctly. Here we have a true balance between them. We have 3 or 4 offenses that will earn you time out the rest will get you redirection or are not worth obsessing over. Had he only been contiously standing in the chair, I would have just moved him closer to me, and reminded him everytime he went to stand that chairs are for sitting only. That is not what the timeout was for, it was for the hitting, which is one of our absolutely not tolerated items. I don't obsess over little things, it's not worth it. I save my "no's" and time outs for what is really a serious offense to me.

Finally I must say that when we go out to eat, we do so in th emost proficent manner possible, and ask the children to sit still for the least amount of time. So boredom does not become an issue. So for our Red Lobster outing, one of us goes in, while the other keeps the kids outside and entertained and lets them run off the wiggles. The one that went in the resturant gets the table set up, toys and coloring books out, orders drinks and meals, and puts the kids fruit out for them so that by the time they come in there is already something to start eating and by the tim ethey finish that their food is at the table, from start to finish we asked them to sit for 25 minutes, not an unreasonable amount of time. For all of you who take kids out to eat this system works great and allows a much more managable and nicer meal with children. We also always try to take them to do something energy expending first, that day it was the park. Even if you only go for 20 minutes it helps them be ready to sit and relax without the normal amount of fidgeting.

Thnak you all for your imput as the comments made me feel better in the way I reacted to the lady, as I was already confident in the way I reacted to my little man.

shel said...

OP, you handled that in a stellar fashion on all accounts. Bravo!

And as for those that commented on your getting upset over the comments the woman made: no matter HOW confident you are in your ways, when someone belittles you or condemns your actions, it hurts. I know I do a damn great job as a nanny, but I would be totally angered if someone assumed something about me that wasn't true. It's only natural.

But what matters is that you did the right thing.

marypoppin'pills said...

Wow, you sound like a rockin' Parent! I love your techniques. They are similar to mine, and it works very well for us.
When my son was a year or two younger, he was quite a bit more difficult ... but is definately growing out of it and I hardly have any problems with him now (although there were extenuating circumstances with why he was having problems) ...
And he does extremely well in school, too.

Good luck with your children, and the new baby on the way, they are so lucky to have you!

Anonymous said...

I know this is going to sound crazy, but when you posted, I somehow thought you were a lesbian.
I am so happy for you, and I'm glad these kids have you in their life. You sound like a great parent!
~ "family"

Anonymous said...

Miserly,
What do you mean:

"allows me to keep tabs on my nanny, albeit imperfectly" ...

Do you wish there were other ways than checking this blog, or did you mean something else altogether?
Do you trust your nanny?
Just curious.

Anonymous said...

10:33
You thought correctly. She was talking about how she learned to deal with rude people. I am sure had a lot of rude remarks over being a lesbian because people have to get their 2 cents in about everything.
I think she did a great job with the child.

Anonymous said...

I think lesbian parents are cool!

UmassSlytherin said...

You think lesbian parents are "cool?"

I think lesbian parents are no different than hetrosexual parents.

However, parents who are brave enough to live their lives doing what they feel is right? That is cool.

12:06 said...

Umass/7:19

"You think lesbian parents are cool?"
- Yes, I do.


"I think lesbian parents are no different than hetrosexual parents."
- Technically, you're right. But we're talking on a deeper level here. Some parenting techniques and styles may be the same as a heterosexual couple, but let's be honest - we are not afforded the same rights and luxuries that married males and females are.



"However, parents who are brave enough to live their lives doing what they feel is right? That is cool."
- So, are you saying kids raised by lesbian parents aren't living their life right? You will have to clarify this last statement for me.

I feel that any child raised in a loving and nurturing home, no matter the sex of the parents, are fortunate.
Now THAT is cool.

mom said...

12:06, You wrote:

"'However, parents who are brave enough to live their lives doing what they feel is right? That is cool.'"
- So, are you saying kids raised by lesbian parents aren't living their life right? You will have to clarify this last statement for me."

I think what she meant overall in her post was that lesbian parents are not better parents simply by virtue of the fact that they are lesbians, because there are a lot of good parents out there and who they sleep with makes no difference in their parenting skills. But I think in this paragraph above she is saying that lesbian parents who are brave enough to live the lives they want to despite society's harshness toward them are cool for doing that.
She was trying to be nice, not to start a fight.

12:06 said...

Mom
I never thought she was trying to start a fight, but since her statement was a little bit indistinct, I asked for clarification. I didn't really take it as a compliment though because her comments before that didn't seem very assenting to me.

UmassSlytherin said...

I am always amazed that people actually listen to me.
Thank you Mom: your take on what I said was correct, 100%.
I think lesbians are no different than anyone else in the sense that being a lesbian is only one facet of themselves as a person: there are cool lesbians and uncool lesbians: there are cool straight people and uncool straight people.
I admire homosexual people for their bravery. That is all I was trying to say. But being a lesbian does not make you "cool" just as being straight does not make you "cool." Being brave and comfortable with your sexuality and that of other people is "cool" though, in my humble opinion.
Again, Mom, thanks for your understanding.

Word.

Anonymous said...

why was the comment "lesbian parents are cool" even scrutinized to begin with??
that's an opinion one is allowed to have, and it should've been left alone.

UmassSlytherin said...

I never said they were not allowed that opinion. Of course they can think that. But I am also allowed to respond to it if I feel the need. To me, saying "lesbian parents are cool" is about as meaningful as saying "straight parents are cool."
It doesn't make you a good parent because you are a lesbian, as we all know that being straight doesn't make you a good parent.
I commented on it because I felt it was a valid point. If you don't agree, then maybe you are the one who needs to "leave it alone."

Anonymous said...

You need to relax. I kind of understand the comment because there is an "extra" hardship involved with being a gay parent.
Hence, the need to "praise" a gay parent.
Heterosexual people only do what comes natural for them, and they don't have to fight against society. Lesbians do.

UmassSlytherin said...

I am completely relaxed. I got my coffee, the Kinks are playing, I'm really relaxed.
Yes, as I have already clearly stated, lesbians and gays who are living their lives freely should be praised. But saying "lesbian parents are cool" is ridiculous. It is a blanket statement that shows narrow-mindedness and a lack of understanding towards the issue of being gay. It is also juvenile to say. I have known some lesbian parents who are very very cool. I also knew a lesbian couple who were abusive towards their three adopted kids: I, as the childcare provider, was the one who reported them to the authorities, and after an investigation the children were thankfully removed. Were they abusive because they were lesbians?
Of course not. Were they cool because they were lesbians? No.
If you want to drop it, drop it. If you would like to keep discussing it, I'm game.

Anonymous said...

If you were an "AA" or had an "island accent" - you may have found yourself posted on this website!

What you did sounds like half the nanny sightings on this site.

How do we know all the nannies that are accused of "ignoring their charges" weren't in the process of a timeout? How do we know all the "heavy backsided AA with short brillo hair" that were accused of brutally grabbing their charges weren't just grabbing them by the hand?

The fact that someone spoke out to you showed that something wasnt right. That's more troubling than the passive aggressive posting on this site by competing nannies.