I've witnessed something that's been going on for several days and I finally interceded but I'm afraid that I only made matters worse. Every afternoon at approximately 4:00 on the 79th Street crosstown bus in NYC there is a very large dark skinned, AA nanny who is extremely neglectful/abusive of two young children, a girl who is 4-5 years old and her brother who is 3-4 years old. Both children are small, thin, pale, blonde, blue eyed, and have a disheveled appearance. The nanny herself is clean and nicely dressed in dark clothes, and she always sits in a separate seat (even though there are plenty of seats available) and the boy always appears to be half awake and is hanging over the side of the seat. The girl is always stuffed into a jacket which is too big, and a backpack which is too small. She spends the entire trip literally begging the nanny to take the backpack off because it's hurting her (a small bright pink backpack), and she can't maneuver it herself. She starts out by asking politely (please, please help me) on Lexington Avenue, then starts to beg and cry and is screaming by the time we get to York Avenue (where they get off the bus and walk toward 80th street). Everyone on the bus usually turns around and gives the nanny "looks" but says nothing. I finally went over to the little girl and asked her if she needed help and she asked me to take off the backpack, which I did, and the nanny just sat there looking straight ahead and completely ignored what was going on (as always). When we got to our stop they went out the back door (the steps are quite high for a child, and the nanny grabbed the little girl by the arm and literally threw her off the bus, dragging the little boy behind her. I recently suffered a back/leg injury so I couldn't follow them to find out where they live, but I'm very concerned that these children are not just being neglected, but also abused. I'm going to start carrying a camera so I can get photos of them if/when it happens again. If anyone recognizes the children from this description, please alert someone. Thank you.
Saturday
79th Street crosstown bus in NYC
Received Saturday, May 31, 2008
I've witnessed something that's been going on for several days and I finally interceded but I'm afraid that I only made matters worse. Every afternoon at approximately 4:00 on the 79th Street crosstown bus in NYC there is a very large dark skinned, AA nanny who is extremely neglectful/abusive of two young children, a girl who is 4-5 years old and her brother who is 3-4 years old. Both children are small, thin, pale, blonde, blue eyed, and have a disheveled appearance. The nanny herself is clean and nicely dressed in dark clothes, and she always sits in a separate seat (even though there are plenty of seats available) and the boy always appears to be half awake and is hanging over the side of the seat. The girl is always stuffed into a jacket which is too big, and a backpack which is too small. She spends the entire trip literally begging the nanny to take the backpack off because it's hurting her (a small bright pink backpack), and she can't maneuver it herself. She starts out by asking politely (please, please help me) on Lexington Avenue, then starts to beg and cry and is screaming by the time we get to York Avenue (where they get off the bus and walk toward 80th street). Everyone on the bus usually turns around and gives the nanny "looks" but says nothing. I finally went over to the little girl and asked her if she needed help and she asked me to take off the backpack, which I did, and the nanny just sat there looking straight ahead and completely ignored what was going on (as always). When we got to our stop they went out the back door (the steps are quite high for a child, and the nanny grabbed the little girl by the arm and literally threw her off the bus, dragging the little boy behind her. I recently suffered a back/leg injury so I couldn't follow them to find out where they live, but I'm very concerned that these children are not just being neglected, but also abused. I'm going to start carrying a camera so I can get photos of them if/when it happens again. If anyone recognizes the children from this description, please alert someone. Thank you.
I've witnessed something that's been going on for several days and I finally interceded but I'm afraid that I only made matters worse. Every afternoon at approximately 4:00 on the 79th Street crosstown bus in NYC there is a very large dark skinned, AA nanny who is extremely neglectful/abusive of two young children, a girl who is 4-5 years old and her brother who is 3-4 years old. Both children are small, thin, pale, blonde, blue eyed, and have a disheveled appearance. The nanny herself is clean and nicely dressed in dark clothes, and she always sits in a separate seat (even though there are plenty of seats available) and the boy always appears to be half awake and is hanging over the side of the seat. The girl is always stuffed into a jacket which is too big, and a backpack which is too small. She spends the entire trip literally begging the nanny to take the backpack off because it's hurting her (a small bright pink backpack), and she can't maneuver it herself. She starts out by asking politely (please, please help me) on Lexington Avenue, then starts to beg and cry and is screaming by the time we get to York Avenue (where they get off the bus and walk toward 80th street). Everyone on the bus usually turns around and gives the nanny "looks" but says nothing. I finally went over to the little girl and asked her if she needed help and she asked me to take off the backpack, which I did, and the nanny just sat there looking straight ahead and completely ignored what was going on (as always). When we got to our stop they went out the back door (the steps are quite high for a child, and the nanny grabbed the little girl by the arm and literally threw her off the bus, dragging the little boy behind her. I recently suffered a back/leg injury so I couldn't follow them to find out where they live, but I'm very concerned that these children are not just being neglected, but also abused. I'm going to start carrying a camera so I can get photos of them if/when it happens again. If anyone recognizes the children from this description, please alert someone. Thank you.
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50 comments:
Other than this nanny acting like an ignorant adult to young children, why do you think this nanny is being abusive toward her charges? A child hanging over a seat is dangerous, plain and simple.
Sounds like the potential for abuse.
I don't understand why people like this choose to be nannies...lack of options I suppose? I'd be willing to bet the parents are well aware of their bad nanny...they're also probably aware of the couple hundred a week they save by employing her as opposed to someone caring and capable.
OP, you've described a scenerio that would have completely enraged me if I were to witness it. And with confronting the Nanny, which I don't know if I could've helped myself either, may have made it worse.
What in the world are we to do in situations like this? You never know for sure if intervening will cause a negative reaction from the caretaker to the child, sort of like: "See what you caused" ... and blaming the child for THEIR poor behavior.
I really hope next time you just get a picture (clandestinely) ... and post it here. These kids need someone to step in and help them.
On a sidenote: Why would the Parents allow their children to be so shoddily dressed, especially the little girl with the too small backpack? Do the Parents care for them, and if this report finds them, will they do something about it?
Please keep us posted, OP.
I have to wonder whether she's a nanny. She sounds like an afterschool caretaker and getting the kids home from school is part of her duties. Sometimes, after a long day at school, kids arrive home a bit disheveled. It would be hard for me to keep my big mouth shut, but how could someone not help that little girl out with her backpack? I am glad this was reported. This is why this blog is needed. The OP has a big heart and did a good thing.
This is awful and I am so sorry to hear this. I too am a nanny that works in the exact area a few blocks off, and ride the same bus.
I'm wondering if I know them.
I'm glad that there are people watching and reporting.
It is not good when people get away with hurting kids whether it be physical or emotional, directly or indirectly.
I think Sprak is right. This sounds like a housekeeper who has to care for the children after school, and resents it.
If the parents do see this post, will they care, and act? We can only hope so.
A Nanny
Okay..I am prepared for the attack..but here is a completley different veiw on the matter..
My mother would have told me to sit up straight..she never would have allowed me to hang over a seat on a bus AND at 4 yrs old, I knew better.
My mother would have taken care of things quickly if at 5 yrs old I decided to throw a temper tantrum(screaming and begging) on a bus or anywhere for that matter.(yes, even if my backpack was uncomfortable.)
As for throwing a child off a bus, I have a hard time with that..I beleive the nanny probably held the childs arm and helped her scoot her spoiled little but off.
These kids sound spoiled..my mother never would have put up with me doing either of the things these kids did.
as for the nanny..so you..OP witnessed a screaming episode on a short bus ride..any idea what being around a screaming, spoiled kid 5 days a week does to you?? Especially if it is not your kid!!
Perhaps this child does this all the time!
Ignoring a tantrum is the best way to deal with it!
Yeah you're right 4:49, you are an idiot. The nanny IGNORED a stranger, an adult, talking to and touching her young charge! If that's not neglect, I don't know what is. If I saw any adult talking to my charge, I would immediately intervene. It doesn't matter how good the OP's intentions were--if she let the OP talk to/handle the child, who's to say she wouldn't let some greasy old pedophile do the same thing?
Way to go kait!!
Good girl, Kait!
4:49, your utterly ridiculous! There is NO excuse for the way that caretaker (I think I agree with Sprak too, now) - handled that child, or ignoring the OP (no offense, you did good) -- or dragging the kid off the bus (she could've dislocated the poor girls arm) -- that "nanny" was pathetic, and I'm sorry your mom was so mean to you, 4:49! That explains it!
4:49 has no compassion for a child in pain.
:(
This nanny, if the allegations arte correct, is clearly out of line. I probably would have called the police on her and taken a picture with my cell phone.
4:49 never stated that her mother was abusive, just that she did not put up with stuff. I don't put up with my children throwing tantrums in public, why should others? There are way too many people out there who feel that children should be allowed to act any way that they please, talk to adults any way they please, and get away with it. These children will just grow up to be another adult who thinks every nanny is out to abuse/neglect/ignore their charges.
4:49 I feel for you - I know that I am going to get flamed also! But we can continue on with life knowing that we are not raising selfish, self-absorbed little twits.
This doesn't sound like a nanny, probably a housekeeper who has been given the duty of picking kids up from school and doesn't normally deal with children.
This doesn't sound like a nanny, probably a housekeeper who has been given the duty of picking kids up from school and doesn't normally deal with children.
I'm the OP and I'm not sure why my response wasn't posted earlier today, but I'll try again. The kids were disheveled, not in a coming home from the playground sort of way, but more in a neglectful way as they weren't clean and their clothing didn't fit. The nanny DID throw the girl, as in grabbing her by the arm and tossing her off the bus, while she dragged the little boy behind her. He is always leaning over the seat as if he's falling asleep (not misbehaving). As for the comment that the girl was having a tantrum, that is utterly ridiculous. There are at least 6-8 regular kids on that route, attended by nannies who let them scream and climb on the seats every day, and the girl in question was sitting there crying and afraid to even move from her seat. In my response I had written that I was a nanny and raised 3 children from birth to college age (24/7 for the same family) and I treated those kids like they were my own; it wouldn't matter how much a child aggravated me, I would never allow them to suffer or grab an arm that roughly and toss them off a bus! A short trip? Not if you're stuffed in a too big coat on a hot day with your arms jammed into a backpack that's twisting them. Try it sometime! No one was more shocked than I was that the nanny didn't try to stop me/a stranger from taking off that girl's backpack, but I was already angry at myself for watching and listening to that girl go ignored for so long (as well as watching dozens of other adults do and say nothing) and I wasn't going to let it happen again!
Notice that the OP said that this was going on for several days, and that's what finally pushed her to do something. I can understand if someone is annoyed with a kid and ignores them but I've also seen things like this happen (public transportation, book stores, grocery shopping) and it's heartbreaking, especially when the kids are young and no one is attending to their needs. Yesterday when I was at the playground with a group of school kids, I watched a little boy in a stroller (barely old enough to speak) ask for his water over and over and over while the nanny stood and chatted with her friends. Finally a little boy (who wasn't with them) about 4 years old ran over and grabbed a drink cup from under the stroller and said "here you go baby," and handed him the cup. I felt embarrassed that I wasn't the one to say something to the nanny, but from now on I'm going to speak up when I see things like this!
What a cold hearted cow. No matter how agrivating kids can be sometimes, we should always be there to help and care for them. Why is it such a big deal to help a child in discomfort? No matter how bratty it's behaving. Making a child sit in discomfort because she was perhaps whinny is not the way to deal with is. Fix the problem and then give a consequence if needed.
I hope these kids parents find this post. Next time ask for the girls name and last name and get a pic.Or better follow them home and drop a letter in the mail box for the parents to warn them of their awful care giver.
(ok so following them home is a bit much but if you are doing it for their safety then just do it)
I don't know why some people are suggesting the child is a spoiled brat. Did your selective reading skim over the part where she asked very politely, for the women to remove the backpack? It was hurting her. The women wouldn't help... and she should just suck it up?
If something was hurting you would you and it could easily be helped but nobody would, would you just shut up and take it?
*woman.
Funny that I made that mistake twice.
9:38
Out of the mouths of babes, right? I'm so glad that little boy taught you something. Good for you! Thank you for posting your story.
Marissa, Marissa, Marissa ....
OP stated the little girl was not misbehaving. She was in pain. She asked politely first, and only after being ignored, starting begging and crying.
("Why is it such a big deal to help a child in discomfort? No matter how bratty it's behaving.")
OP stated she couldn't follow them home because of a back and leg injury, or she would have. And I believe her.
("Or better follow them home and drop a letter in the mail box for the parents to warn them of their awful care giver.")
It's a great idea. But not one that's possible for the OP.
I was refering to the worst case scenario.
As in, IF the child was behaving badly not was.
Whoopie doo, my Mother wouldn't put up with misbhaving either and she was abusive.
I have a feeling that 4:49 thinks nothing of jerking a kid around that is not behaving the way she wants them too because she thinks this kind of crap is ok?
You stick a backpack that is too small on a little kids back andshe asks for help to get it off , it does not make her a spolied brat, it makes her a little kid that is in pain. I don't care if my kid doesn't "sit up" in a seat as long as they are not bothering anyone what is the big deal, especially if they are tired. I sit with my kid or she is going to sit on my lap,not alone on a bus.
We all get tired and cranky but it does not give anyone the right to jerk a child around or let them suffer when something hurts them.
I definately would have said something about her treating the kids that way.
I don't think we can know from this post if it was the caregiver or the children who were acting poorly. Obviously some children really push their caregivers to the point of exhaustion with complaining and temper tantrums. I really can't believe that a kid couldn't take her own backpack off. Why not? Think about some of the things children are capable of doing when they really want to. These kids sound bratty to me for some reason.
3:57
You are an insensitive nimrod.
Try putting on a big bulky jacket, and THEN putting on a very small backpack.
Are you getting a visual, yet?
This child was in pain, not misbehaving. What do you not understand about that?
Why is it the nannies fault that the clothes don't fit and the backpask is too small and the kids are dirty. Isn't that the parents responsibilty to but proper clothes and accessories. I don't think it was a nanny at all, maybe a foster mother.
Everyone of you nannies excusing the nanny by offering blame to the employer needs to be smacked with a giant wet hand.
Idiots!
There is no way you are GOOD childcare employees. You tarnish good nannies everywhere, which by the way are not found on this blog.
I have yet to hear a case of a professional nanny on this blog or a professional nanny on childcaregonewrong. These are all undertained, uneducated MUTANTS!
I can understand your anger, and I agree with it.
However, there ARE good Nannies here and everywhere else.
It's just the idiots like this one that piss you off .... and that's o.k.
First of all, I want to make it known that I am a professional nanny of almost 13 years. I find some of the responses on ISYN appaling! It is evident that some of you are incapable of properly caring for children and/or too lazy to be kind, compassionate, and professional.
Just because a child is in a coat that is too big (on a HOT day, no less) AND she has a too small backpack on which is pinching her arms does NOT make her a brat. You are all adults and therefore have the ability to take care of your own comfort and needs. Children do not have the ability to cope when they are hot, tired, and uncomfortable. That is why they are children and require the help and supervision of an adult.
The very nature of our position as nannies REQUIRES us to act in the best interest of the children in our care. In this circumstance, the obvious action would have been to remove the child's coat and backpack to make her more comfortable.
As a professional, I absolutely will not tolerate temper tantrums when they are the result of a child wanting his own way. But it must also be recognized that not all temper tantrums are the result of poor behavior. Some temper tantrums are the result of children who are overly tired, hungary, or ill. They are the result of overtaxing of little people who do not yet have the developmental capability of coping with those stressors.A wise nanny knows the difference.A loving nanny does something to soothe her charge.
It is obvious that 4:49 is neither wise nor loving. She should cease working with children, if she is a nanny, and find some other job that she can do half-heartedly. When you work with children there is no room for selfishness. It is people like her who give nannies a bad name.
I have no qualms about approaching someone who is abusing a child in my prescence.I have done so before and would do it again. In fact, I would step in and seperate the child from the adult until the police arrived. If we don't step in, who will? Are we to be afraid that intervention will cause more harm to the child? If an adult is capable of abuse in a public place then we can only assume that the adult is capable of worse behind closed doors. We must take a stand and step in when necessary.
Jen
You're my hero! Well, you know what I mean! LOL
What an incredibly thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate post.
Your family is extremely lucky to have you!
WHAT THE SHOCKED NANNY SAW!! story. It's a pizza- and chocolate-fuelled, rule-less, no-bedtime, skinny-dipping, free-for-all madhouse at the Pitt-Jolies. And Maddox will only speak French. Quelle horreur! Yes, I hear the wonder Mr. Pitt is totally entranced by Angelina who is for lack of a better analogy, bat shit crazy. Pitt is powerless to veto her scattering attempts to gain status as a saint while using her ever expanding brood of children as her beard for the very craziness that seems to drive men wild. Yes Ms. Jolie is apparently recklessly free spirited and unencumbered in the bedroom but she lacks the knack for the day to day life. Cut to a staged photo op of her taking darling sarafina and lovable blob shopping and there you have it. Nothing is ever as pretty and lovely as it seems. Crazy isn't pretty. It's kind of ugly, actually.
Soooo ..... what're we taking celebrity gossip postings now???
OP,
I would contact child protective services and tell them what you saw--and what time this nanny and her charges are usually on the bus. The lack of proper clothing and disheveled apperance leads me to suspect that the parents are neglectful. And allowing an abusive lady--whether she's a nanny or housekeeper--to pick up the children from school is also neglectful. The family might be rich, but they are clearly neglectful of their children! Child Protective Services needs to intervene. Those children are lucky that someone like you is willing to help them--I would do it!
In a perfect world, I would love your suggestion, but do you honestly think CPS will actually go to the bus stop and help these poor kids?
In a perfect world, I would love your suggestion, but do you honestly think CPS will actually go to the bus stop and help these poor kids?
________
Well, do you know where they get on the bus from school? You could always contact the school with your concerns. They're the eyes and ears of the state when it comes to child protection issues. Maybe they have similar concerns and your data will add to it. And I would absolutely contact child protective services. You never know how far they would go to follow up--but at least you'll knwo you did everything you could to help.
Please let us know if you follow up--and what you found out. You only have a limited amount of time to intervene since it's almost the end of the school year. Please call CPS today!!!!!
Why do you assume the family is rich?
I said "might be rich."
My point was, what does money have to do with the situation? Waht does it matter how much money the parents may have and what costitutes "rich" anyway?
you people are scary!
Now she is an abusive nanny???
because the kids are not dressed to the nines with bows in their hair the parents are neglectful??
OMG..this is why the world is the way it is. all of you woman need to stop and think about what you are doing..seriously!!
i hope someday somebody as nosey as all of you sicks CPS on you and tears your family apart so you can see just how wrong you all are!
you are fliipin crazy!
If the original poster reports what she has seen (which she can do anonymously), Child Protective Services will investigate. They'll talk to the family, neighbors, the school, etc. If they find nothing, the case will be dropped. But if they find that the family could benefit from parenting assistance, or that the nanny/housekeeper is abusive--that situation can be corrected. The last thing the CPS wants to do is remove children from their parents. You're leaping to big, huge conclusions saying the family will be torn apart. The OP was concerned. By what she posted, I would be concerned, too.
My point was, what does money have to do with the situation? Waht does it matter how much money the parents may have and what costitutes "rich" anyway?
___________
Okay, fine--point taken.
I am adaycare provider and CPS will remove a child from school if a report is made and then ask questions.
I just saw this last week. A little 6 yr old that I provide afterschool care for was picked up at school and his mother was notified after they took him.
He was only kept for 8 hours but the point is..A CPS visit can be terrifying for a child and family.
A coat too large, a back pack too small and a lazy nanny does not costitute child abuse..plain and simple
think about what you are doing before you but your noses in where they may not belong!
am adaycare provider and CPS will remove a child from school if a report is made and then ask questions.
I just saw this last week. A little 6 yr old that I provide afterschool care for was picked up at school and his mother was notified after they took him.
He was only kept for 8 hours but the point is..A CPS visit can be terrifying for a child and family.
A coat too large, a back pack too small and a lazy nanny does not costitute child abuse..plain and simple
think about what you are doing before you but your noses in where they may not belong!
____________________
But the OP's instincts tell her that something must be wrong. Maybe she has another way of figuring out who the parents are. Or, she can notify CPS. Only she knows exactly what she saw.
I realize I'm late posting on this topic, but I could not refrain from saying something.
For those of you who are justifying this nannies behavior, and in turn villianizing these children, not only am I concerned about your mental state, but also your intelligence level.
The little girl asked politely for HELP, the little girl was ignored...she in turn reacted with a NORMAL human response: frustration.
The little girl was too small, too bundled up, in too tight of an enclosed space to get a too small backpack off her back. The little girl asked for help in order to remove what was making her uncomfortable/causing her pain. Let's not forget that her shoulders (and thus her movement) was restricted, and that she was in a small enclosed space in a seated position (allowing even less room for movement.)
The little girl was in discomfort, the little girls pain was ignored, the little girl reacted.
The nanny (the ADULT) ignored both children.
The nanny did not watch the children.
The nanny allowed another adult, a stranger, to talk to and touch the children she was in charge of protecting.
The nanny THREW (In OP's words) the FIVE year old child off the bus by her arm AND drug the little boy behind her.
According to the OP, this is litteraly what happened, not exaggerated language or using the power of colorful language. So let's read this again: The OP THREW the child from the top step of a bus, after neglecting her and her needs.
What is okay about this?
Do you need any more facts?
For those of you attempting to justify that this child is a brat (and thus deserved being neglected and thrown from the top step of a bus) due to her actions regarding her backpack come over to my house. I want to put you into attire that's too small on your shoulders and cause them to be twisted backwards. I want you to stay that way, in a small inclosed space, and don't even try to think of standing up to remove the item, that will get you into more trouble (remember it's a moving bus and standing is not okay!) If you even think of crying, or telling me it hurts you better watch it because I will throw you off the top step of the bus for your trouble.
Shame on those of you who are adults and do not see the disgusting truth behind this, and actually took the nannies side and called children you've never met brats. It is one thing to "rule" with a firm hand, and another to let pain go unnoticed. This child was 5, not 15, she needed help...it's not entirely uncommon at this age especially considering her circumstances. Having your shoulders twisted backwards by too tight of clothing and having your movements restricted is more than uncomfortable it's painful. If you do not udnerstand this, the next time you are shopping, force yourself into a leather jacket that is four sizes too small for your shoulders and tell me it feels sooo good that you'd like to keep it on...now, try being five, and not being able to take it off on your own and having the horrible realization that no one cares and that no matter what you do the person who is supposed to help you won't. Judging my the nannies reaction in throwing the girl off the bus, she'll have more than sore shoulders! BUT quite possibly, the saddest part is, people like so many of you deciding that she somehow deserved it.
wow. i don't think your post can be topped. amazing, thank you.
Anon @ 940,
Thank you. Blaming the children is one thing I'll just never understand. The people who come here to offer handfuls of excuses for the nanny/adult and dismiss the child as spoiled or a brat....
It's beyond all comprehension.
What ever happened with this? I was wondering if these kids were in foster care as well. It doesn't quite sound like a nanny situation to me, what with the ill fitting clothes and dirtiness of the children.
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