Wednesday

The General Nanny Rant....

Received Wednesday, April 16, 2008- Rant
I am a stay-at-home Mom living in NYC. I truly admire all of my fellow Moms who maintain careers and Motherhood. I know I couldn't do it. Since I am out & about daily with my baby, I see a lot and some of it is pretty concerning. I have to wonder if parents know what's really going on while their babies are in the care of their Nannies. I often see a lot of them (particularly of Island decent) being very aggressive with the children physically by yanking their arms. I also see many not speaking to little kids nicely or with care....as they are often too busy talking on their cell phones to properly deal with the child. I see Nannies 'hanging out' in clusters on the sidewalks not paying attention to the children, talking on cell phones and not being conscious of pushing the strollers and clothes shopping. The kids are not asleep, they are awake. Sadly, I don't see any nurturing going on. One day I saw a woman literally screaming at someone on their cell phone with a baby in tow. Many days I see Nannies in stores leaving the strollers a few feet away, while they look at the racks.... Also, I'm sure the Moms don't want their kids pacified with candy & doughnuts which I often see if the hands of toddlers while the Nanny shops. Last, these Nannies often look unclean (as if they haven't showered). When I see all of these things I mentioned, I feel sad for the children and their Moms who don't know what is going on. I hope my posting encourages Moms/parents to take a hard look at who is caring for their children.

On A Clear Day, You Can See Forever...
Received Wednesday, April 16, 2008- Rants & Warnings
To all UES working Moms with nannies. I encourage you to please take a day off and follow your nanny. For the last few weeks since the weather has been nice, I have seen so many nannies shopping on 86th and the surrounding area with absolutely no attention being paid to the children they are watching. This is not a WOHM v. SAHM issue. I 100% support working Moms, and if earned enough money for it to be worth it to go back to work I would've. After taxes, I earned the same amount as a nanny does off the books. I struggle financially, but I have no choice.

I understand if a nanny needs to do an errand or two, but to casually shop while the kids are in the stroller is unacceptable. When it is nice out, the kids, even babies should be outside and out of their stroller. I know as a Mother that I shop on occasion with my child, but I know when enough is enough and I am engaging her when we are out together.

When I worked full time, I would be fired if I shopped while on the job as much as the nannies I see. Your kids deserve better. Please check up on them. Even if you have to be late for work one day.

P.S Favorite nanny hangouts on the UES are as follows: Ann Taylor Loft, Strawberry, The Gap, Pier One Imports, Bolton's, Orva, and Victoria Secret. Go there any day between 10 and 4 and you will know what I mean.

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

While I agree with you...there are alot of bad nannies out there, I would also like to point out the countless bad MOTHERS out there as well. Honestly, you have no idea if these people you are seeing are nannies or not...maybe they are just negligent, young mothers??

The immediate assumption on the website is that if there is a bad sighting, it must be a NANNY, and this is not necessarily true.

I am a nanny, and a great one at that. The unfairness and the magnitude of a bad rap being put on an entire group of people simply because you have seen some negligent folks who "may or may not be nannies" blows my mind.

I would encourage you to keep in mind that A) If a mother does not know what is going on with the person she entrusts her children to , she is just as responsible, and B) not every shopping, "unclean" (as you say) person with a child in tow is a nanny.

a said...

Oh no, that isn't it.
Yes, there are a lot of very bad mothers out there. The thing is we can't do anything about them. They have a right to mistreat their child. Slap, spank, manipulate, lie to, emotionally abuse, overfeed, underfeed, call names, force to work out, lock in closets, belittle, expose to drugs and drinking, etc.

One step at a time.

Inch by inch, life's a cinch.
Yard, by yard, it's pretty hard.

just anonymous said...

"Yay!" for a stay-at-home mom in NYC w/o a nanny! I didn't know that even existed!

Anonymous said...

I could not have said it better myself. I am an UES side Mom and just yesterday I saw 10 nannies (yes) 10 shopping in Ann Taylor Loft on 3rd and 84th. They should really put a nanny cam in that store.

Anonymous said...

Yay? Yay for someone judgemental and unkind? It sounds to me as if OP is just putting forth a rant that has done not one ounce of good. This rant is self-masterbatory drivel, in my opinion. All it will do is cause feelings of ill will from the nannies who read it. It is obvious that OP is putting herself up on a pedestal by saying she is a stay at home mom, and admires other moms who work etc. because she "couldn't do it." You do what you have to do. I hope that if she were ever in the situation where she HAD to work, if God forbid something happened to her husband, she had to work, as is the case with many working mothers. And I don't just mean divorce or death. If someone loses a job, it may be awhile before they find one and the mom may have to pitch in, or work full time.
I personally was raised in a working class home with five siblings. My mother was a stay at home mom until I, the youngest, was in middle school. Then my dad had a medical condition that forced him to stop working, and my mom had to work full time and I had to put myself through college. I now work from home so that we can afford to have our own home and a nice life for ourselves and our daughter, and have money for her college and retirement. I would rather not work: I'm not gonna lie! :) But I do. And I care for my daughter at the same time, with the blessed, blessed help of my mother-in-law since my mother is passed away and my father out of state.
I digress: my point is that you do what you have to do. I don't hold much weight with any woman or person who says she "could never" do something. You do what you have to do.
Regarding nannies, OP, if you have a particular siting by all means tell us about it: we care about children and don't want to see them mistreated. But your rant was pointless. It read, between the lines, "nannies bad. me good."
yawn.
get a life. :)

Westchester nanny said...

At my job I run errands for myself as well as the family but always do these while my charges are in school. I have a two hour window every morning while the youngest is at preschool and if I don't get it done then I just don't do it. I see the same kind of nannies here in Westchester as well. Groups of them on the playground never watching the children in their care just gabbing, eating or talking on the phone. It just seems to be the norm for some nannies. Sad.

Anonymous said...

Too bad there is no one to follow around the countless bad mommies I see. I'm speaking of those women who on a beautiful Saturday or Sunday drag their kids to the sales on the malls. The kids are bored and screaming and the mother's yell at them then bribe them with Cinnabon and ice cream and toys.

Yesterday I saw a mom, I know she's a mom because she said mommy will be right back sweetie, leave her baby in the SUV, running, while she ran in Dunkin Donuts. I stuck around to make sure no one decided to steal the vehicle because thefts in strip malls happen, even in nice Bergen County neighborhoods.

I see and hear mother's cursing at and talking nasty to their kids all the time.

The other day at Garden State Plaza at the indoor soft play area, I watched a mom go between completely ignoring her daughter, who was about 4, to screaming at her, to bribing with and threatening to take away her ride on the carousel. Mom was trying to yap on her cell phone but her kid kept annoying her with things like needing to potty and wanting a drink. The child also didn't get along with the other kids but mom didn't bother to correct her behavior time after time so others there and myself did it . Then, at one point mom yelled so loud at the child calling her a witch that she made myself and two other people jump.

A stay at home mom I worked for left her 4 year old with me right after surgery because she absolutely could not miss her nail appointment or lunch at the Country Club. She called after her nails were done to check in and the child was crying for her mom and feverish. Annoyed, the woman came home, told the child if she REALLY wanted mommy to stay home she would. When the child said she REALLY wanted mommy to stay she then told the child mommy couldn't stay and she will have so much fun with me and left her crying child, who became so upset she began vomiting, opened her sutures and had to be rushed to the hospital. The mother took over an hour to get to the hospital, which was 7 minutes from where she was, I assume dessert was too good to pass up.

The other day at Sunnyside Park in Tenafly,, a boy about 5 wandered over to me and my charges to play. I kept looking around to see who he was with but he seemed to be alone. Finally I asked where his mommy was and he said she dropped him off and would pick him up soon. Mom showed up an hour later.

A few weeks ago I took my daughter skating and noticed a little boy about 8 sitting on one of the benches at the indoor rink. I had seen his parents helping him with his skates when we all arrived for the session so I figured they must be in the bathroom. About 15 minutes before the session ended they came waltzing in the door. His parents had left him alone at the rink to go get lunch. I knew this because I could hear them talking as they took his skates off. I had not seen the boy skate at all during the session and my daughter said when she invited him to skate with her and her friends he told her he didn't know how to skate.

marypoppin'pills said...

Wow, 8:46. What a powerful but sad post.
I'm sure many of us witness the daily goings on of Mother/child and Nanny/child interactions, and there will always be a few that leave us heartbroken and wishing we could sweep the child up and take him or her with us.

Thank you so much for an incredibly poignant post.

Anonymous said...

Thank you OP, of "clear day" post.

I would like to think that most mom's would care enough to check on their kids without having to be tipped off, but I guess if that's what it takes.

I know my own child is good for almost exactly 1 hour of shopping; be it food, clothes or even toys!
Anything more and they easily get bored. Kids should be allowed out of their strollers to play and exercise!

Anonymous said...

Thanks MPP. As nanny and mother who takes her charges and child out daily there are many horrible things I witness, some are bad and some are sad. Sometimes, it's nannies responsible sometimes it's mothers or fathers. My point in making the post is every day many of us are given a chance to inpact a child's life in some way. We need to all try to remember that because we are really shaping the future for all of us. Everyone has a bad or off day. Everyone has to get something done or wants to take a few minuites to themselves. But if we are lucky enough to be responsible for the well-being and nurturing of a child-be it our own or someone else's we need to see that as a gift and an investment in the future and act accordingly.

Anonymous said...

Too bad you don't have a moniker so that we could keep up with you 8:46/12:33, because I think you would most definately become one of the favorites around here with the way that you post! You are really incredible!

erics mom said...

I reread OP post. It seems OP is spending too much time shopping as well.
"Many days I see Nannies in stores leaving the strollers a few feet away, while they look at the racks"....hmm seems like your inside too much too.

I feel sorry for all the good nannies that read the postings on this site. Isn't it depressing to read all the stories on here? All the bad sightings. Even sightings wheres theres no clear evidence that it is a nanny. In some cases god forbid!! its the mother.

You know I was at the local supermarket today. I noticed these ballons they are selling for Assistants day. Beautiful balloons that say Happy Assistants Day.
Wouldn't it be nice if there was a special day to recognize all good caregivers.

Thanks

Sue Doe-Nim said...

12:57 You are so right. I would love to see a new regular, if no other reason than to get a break from the constant drivel of cali mom. Good God, does that woman do nothing but park her ass all day in front of a computer to post on every thread? Get a job, woman! sheesh.....

Anonymous said...

I learned very quickly that you check on people who are watching your children. Our very first nanny apparently had a drinking problem. No one said a word about that when we checked references.
I came home from work early ,in my new demo, and was in the kitchen when she pulled up with my Grand daughter. IN her hand was an OPEN BEER. Neither my son in law or I drink, and I had seen beer cans in the trash but I didn't think too much of it ,maybe a friend of his had come over. Fired her on the spot. I should have called the police but SIL said no. we have an excelent woman who watched the children now. Oh she put us down as her last employers but that we had moved out of state.One woman went on zabasearch.com and looked us up and found we had not moved and called me. I told her exactly what happened ,let that bitch sue me for it.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the OP was calling "all " nannies dirty.
I can almost tell a nannie from a mom especailly when the child is calling a person by their first name and not Momma.
Yes people do park their charges and their own kids at the end of the racks while shopping but they can see the children ,those racks are not 20 ft tall.

There are bad nannies ,bad moms.
I think if it is at all possible if you can come home early or just check on what your child care provider is doing ,you should do it.
I would rather have my children safe ,and not find out later that they were being ignored or mistreated.

cali mom said...

OP apparently spends enough time in all the stores she listed between 10 and 4 daily to get tired of all the lowlife company she has to rub elbows with while she shops. Been to Forever 21 again yet?

Anonymous said...

That post was not Drivel. SHe said what she had to say and in no way was she patting herself on the back because she is a SAHM.
Some people cannot handle working and raising children. That is why they have nannies to do it for them. I mean, you work from home yet have the Grand parents watch your children and you work from home. Does this mean you cannot do both?
This poster can't work and raise her kids so what? Does that mean she is a lesser person and what she has to say is "Drivel"?
Maybe even if she went to work the $$ just wouldn't be worth having a nanny. Not every one can afford a nanny and stay at home and raise their children. Maybe some don't think that a new car and a fancy house are worth not being with your kids and being able to be home with them. We all have different priorities in life.
I come from a working family too. My mother didn't have to work but all of us kids put ourselves through school without their financial assistance, no crime in that LOL
There is no use trashing someone because they admit they cannot do something.
I was a widow at 26 and raised my kids without a nanny and I worked full time and then some. I am sure if something happened to this poster she would find the strength to pull herself together and support her children, when we have no choice it is amazing what we can do.
Nannies on here have their say about their employers and some do get upset when they feel people are trashing nannies and not parents. There are more good nannies than bad ones and more good parents than bad ones. There are many posts on here about good nannies too.

Sarah said...

I agree that OP should not be praised for not having a nanny. Mothers don't deserve trophies for raising the children they brought into the world.

fg said...

why the attack on calimom, sue-do? She isn't any more out there than you are.

Anonymous said...

Hey if the Mom decides to go with a certain type of caregiver, it's because they refuse to pay the good money to a Professional Nanny.
You get what you pay for.

cali mom said...

fg, most likely because she is bored and hoping to pick a fight with someone. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Eric's Mom.

I am a nanny working in the area described by the On A Clear Day poster, and I have to say, I am in total agreement. I see many nannies who are negligent, and uncaring. I would add, moms, ask a SAHM your nanny doesn't know to observe her in Carl Schurz playground. I am so tired of asking your child not to throw sand (often to no avail), while your nanny sits on the bench chatting with her friends, totally oblivious, or at best, finally yells at him/her from a distance.

Anonymous said...

well, each time you post, you're proving her right.... :) maybe you might want to find something productive to do? just a thought.

cali mom said...

And you are...? LOL!

Anonymous said...

Hey Cali mom & Fg,
Just a heads up, but Sue-doe-nim's name always appears in blue. I think it may be an imposter.

Anonymous said...

I agree with OPs here. The most important thing working parents who employ a nanny can do is to take time off to drop in on the nanny, run by the park or places they frequent and even solicit friends or relatives the nanny does not know to just "check in". The second most important thing is to be able to admit that the person you searched for so carefully and thought you did a good job selecting and screening is not actually as good as your child(ren) deserves. I don't think most nannies are bad, but bad nannies exist and there are even more mediocre nannies. Plus, there are nannies who are good for one family who are not good for another. It takes dedication to find the right person and too many nanny employers settle for "at least my kids are safe" rather than someone who enriches their lives. I've heard many parents with nannies basically say they are all the same anyway, as long as they don't hurt your kids, count yourself lucky.

That's basically my post, but if you want the long version, here's my experience:
In the 2 years since I went back to work full time we have had 5 nannies--nanny #1 was an out and out liar and horrible mentally abusive human being who should never be involved with childcare in any form, nanny #2 was a great temporary who knew two of my kids already who came to my rescue when I discovered what nanny 1 actually was and fired her on the spot, nanny #3 is a sweet caring older woman but not well equipped to deal with the multitasking and planning involved in taking care of 3 children, nanny #4 was a graduate student doing temporary summer nanny work whom we hired because we helped find nannny #3 a family she would be a better match with who had one young baby but they needed her to start right away and the nanny we selected to replace her was not available for a month, and at last nanny #5, who we expect will be our final nanny--a young Mom with 3 kids of her own who can do homework, shuttle the kids around to school and activities, and can juggle a bustling household without deprioritize having fun and paying attention to the kids. Most importantly, the kids LOVE spending time with her. They look forward to seeing her in the morning and hug and kiss her good night (not in a forced way as nanny #1 attempted to drill into them, but the same happy bouncy way they do with me or their Dad when we come home).

Many people will think there is something wrong with having so many nannies, and I am the first to admit it was a real rocky road getting to the right person, but the efforts we put into checking up on our nannies was sooooo worth it. Had I not had friends observe her, I would likely still have the first abusive liar who was doing her own thing all day while parking the kids either in front of the TV or barely supervising them while she gossiped with friends at the park, because she pulled herself, the kids, and the house together at the end of the day and always had a story ready for us about all the great things that she never actually did with them. If my husband and I both hadn't made a point of dropping in and/or working from home periodically, we would likely have settled for nanny #3 who was sweet and kind, but not able to figure out how to juggle the kids so she could focus on addressing a particular child's individual needs on her own (like adjusting the youngest's nap schedule and getting some art projects ready for the middle child so she can help the oldest with reading homework as my current nanny did).

Anonymous said...

In all my years, nothing I've ever seen a nanny do can compare to the crappy behavior I've seen from multitudes of rich, lazy, entitled, bored, materialistic, ego-driven, tacky, money-obsessed, dishonest, twisted soccer-moms and trophy-wives in this fair city of Angels.
NOTHING compares to a rotten mother. The damage they do to their children, families, and employees lasts a lifetime. A bad nanny can be fired and replaced...bad mothers are forever.

Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight...the OP spendt hours and hours (from 10am to 4pm, correct?) observing (stalking) total strangers...decided they were ALL nannies, not mothers or aunts or grandmothers of the children who were with them...determined that they all spent too much time shopping "for themselves" (how on earth can you tell if a stranger is shopping for herself, for her employer, for a gift, etc?) and then memorized the stores these strangers went to and wasted our time whining about it on this forum?!?!?
Good grief, get a life!

Anonymous said...

^^^Ooops!
I meant "spent", not "spendt".

mpp said...

OP states it was over time all of this was observed - But I do agree, how can you discern nanny from mommy from aunt from sister ..........

Anonymous said...

Man, I wish I had a bunch of nanny friends to stand around with and gab or go shopping with. Is that the norm on the East Coast? I'm a West Coast Bay Area nanny and I don't have a tight network of other nannies in my area.

Interesting thought here: I am assumed to be the mom of the child I care for WAY more often than I am assumed to be a nanny. And of course, the parental assumption is wrong. So, could you also be making wrong assumptions that everyone you saw was a nanny?

I'm assuming you have way too much time on your hands and I could be totally wrong. *ahem*

Anonymous said...

Yeah, well ... at least she's not parking her bum on some bench somewhere neglecting her kid, right?

heidi said...

Undoubtedly, nannies are mistaken for mothers. So? There description is clearly on here. If I read a post about a mother I know and her mistreating her child, well good then! She would need to be "outed".

In reality, the majority of nannies who are mistaken for moms are mistaken for moms because they are good childcare providers, have control or a rappart with their child and behave lovingly to the child. I would much rather be a nanny mistaken for a mom than a mom mistaken for a nanny because I ignored my child and had no connection to him.

And carry on, Mom. There are no sightings today. You have your fans. You have your foes.

mpp said...

Heidi
I agree. And the best compliment ever is when you're told "You're a great Mom", and you are the Mom!

~Proud Mommy

Anonymous said...

My nanny has been mistaken for my children's mother many times by SAHMs who see her at school, park and activities most days even though she is a different race. It's odd so many people assume that someone who shows love and respect for a child is that child's parent. Those qualities are exactly what true professional nannies who care for children as a vocation rather than just an income possess--and there are a lot of them out there if working parents chose to take the time to look for them.

Anonymous said...

In response to `The General Nanny Rant` this SAHM IS prejudice. Is there one good thing you could say about a nanny? Also, West Indians are one of the cleanliest people you can find around. I am an elementary school teacher now and was a nanny for 10+ years. I never ate anything prepared by my employers nor drank anything from their refrigerators. Some of them drank straight fom the juice bottles or milk boxes. Is this cleanliness? It`s considered being nasty where I come from; one of the islands in the West Indies.

Anonymous said...

To that SAHM, I have seen many nasty looking twisted underwears on floors right where my employers took them out. This is what one calls unclean. Many of us islanders just look the other way because we have been taught better. We have to teach your children to use a tissue instead of putting their snort on the furniture, walls or their clothes. We have to give them baths first thing on Monday mornings because they did not have one all weekend. We have to pick up dirty clothes off the floors on Monday mornings. Is this cleanliness/

maggie said...

I see this too and am equally disturbed. I would estimate that 10% of the employers expend the time and resources to find the best nanny. 90% do not and so they should not feign shock to find their nanny running amok during the day with their children.

Many of the nannies are simply mismanaged by their employers.

Anonymous said...

Maggie:
Sadly, I am afraid you are right about the lack of care in hiring nannies. As for mismanaging their nanny, if parents hire a good professional nanny, they won't have to manage her. She will not need to be told to engage the children in fun and stimulating activities, and to shop and yak on the phone on her own time.
UES Nanny

Anonymous said...

maggie,
I find it disturbing that you make references to your nanny like "instill fear" and "mismanaged". I hope you don't talk down to them like your post indicates. It's so disrespectful.

You sound like a regular Joan Crawford!

Anonymous said...

Mismanaged = mistreated...makes sense to me. Good management = knowing when to get out of nanny's way, let her do her job, trust the qualifications and expertise you hired her for. Mismanagement = undermining nanny's relationship and bond with the children because you can't stand to have dc relate and bond with anyone but you. Good management = treating nanny with respect and showing appreciation for the care she provides your children.

It's the difference between having a mature, secure adult for a boss...or a grown up with the emotional maturity of a neglected 8year old.

Anonymous said...

re:
It's the difference between having a mature, secure adult for a boss...or a grown up with the emotional maturity of a neglected 8year old.

Do you know my last boss?

Anonymous said...

8:31 PM
LOL
I hope you have a good boss now.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny.
No one "manages" or "mismanages" me or "instills fear" in me. If anyone I interwiewed with dare took that attitude with me, or spoke down to me in that manner, I would tell them they don't need a nanny, they need a time machine. This way they could travel back to a time when people bought rather than hired their help.

Anonymous said...

8:28 here...to 8:31, I'm probably working for her right now!

To 10:48: You just never know, sometimes, until it's too late! Employers play the "interview game" too, believe it or not (as Ripley likes to say).

Anonymous said...

I worked for a psycho family before. And its true the family puts on a different personality as well during the interview. Once, they know you will take the job, it all changes. Usually, downhill.

jennifer lecarlo said...

There's nothing wrong with a nanny taking the children with her to shop, so long as she is honest with her employer about her plans. And when in the store, the child has to be the main event, like it or not. Somedays you might be able to run an errand and somedays you won't be able to. I've seen some nannies mistreat their children because they weren't in to the shopping trip and I've seen some nannies handle a whole troop with ease. Lying about taking your child to the park and going to Mandee? That would be a problem.

MDnanny said...

one of my charges is 3 months old.
MomBoss encourages me to go shopping sometimes and take him with me.
I dont see the big deal once in a while.