Tuesday

Don't Shoot the Messenger...

Received Tuesday, April 1, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
Employers,
Would you want to know if you were giving your nanny your children's very old but very expensive clothing and or furniture under the assumption that your nanny was using it or giving it to family but the nanny was actually selling it at a resale shop? This is not a matter of a few items, but large volume of things- soon to be larger still! And if you wanted to know, how would you want someone to alert you that this going on? Keep in mind, this overpaid nanny is not telling the employer she is selling these clothing and items for money.

102 comments:

mnanny said...

Are you the nanny? A friend of the nanny? A friend of the parents?
If it were me giving away my stuff, hell yes I would want to know!

erics mom said...

I would be pissed. If I thought the clothes were going to needy families, and find out later the person was making a profit on them.

If you know the family tell them. I would like to see how the employee would explain her way out of this one.

Hellcat said...

I would think it was a crappy thing to do, but a gift is a gift and she can do what she pleases with it. Of course, if she's lying about what she does with it... that's shady and disrespectful.

erics mom said...

Its wasn't a gift. The nanny was lying about what she was going to do with the articles of clothing. She gave them the impression of donating the items.

erics mom said...

opps I meant it

heidi said...

I used to have nannies when my children were smaller. Most of my experiences were good experiences. I did have one nanny that was always more excited about clothes shoppings or birthdays than me. If she wasn't there when a child had his birthday, she would demand to see what he had gotten. And you could see her mind swirling with opportunity. She would tell my son, "you're too old for this now, right? Should we make a pile of stuff". It was her favorite past time. And always at her benefit. She was with us for four months. (Two birthdays, Christmas and Hanukkah). I've never met such a greedy person in my life. I always gave my nannies first dibs on things for their families but she was something else this one. She made me regret giving her anything. We'd go to a restaurant and she would order something expensive. And complain about how it tasted. Just thinking about her greedy little face makes me angry!
In retrospect, I should have fired her the first time she tried to cajole my youngest in to making a pile. For her nephew. Or should I say, alleged nephew?

Sue said...

Butt out.

If a day worker or nanny brings gift items to a resale shop it's her business.

I won't bother with the volumes I could write about how she's doing nothing wrong.

If you're thinking of "telling" it won't reflect well on you.

Your post makes you sound like a serial malcontent.

Sue said...

Ladies....

"under the assumption that your nanny was using it or giving it to family"

she is using it. She's using it to get some money so she can care for her own family.

Good enough for me.

Anonymous said...

If I were the employer I would not mind someone telling me but it would not bother me.

Anonymous said...

what sue said. seems as if there were no specifications on what she could do with the clothes once they gave them to her.

mom said...

I really thought about who I gave my children's outgrown clothes to. I wanted them to go to people who would really appreciate having something very nice for their children to wear, but might not otherwise be able to afford such things. I would have been very unhappy to know somebody was simply selling them for a profit.

If I didn't care who they went to, I could have sold them to a resale shop myself...and there were times we could have used the money. I think this nanny is being deceptive and behaving very poorly.

I would tell her employer if I were you. If one of my friends saw somebody I had given clothes to seeling them and they told me, I would not think badly of them at all.

If I were the employer I would simply stop giving her anything at all and say nothing about it. If the nanny asked why the motherlode had dried up I would simply say, "It makes me feel good to donate things to people who could not otherwise have such things. I want them to be given, not sold."
That would probably leave her speechless...because she would know she had been caught. How embarrassing.

a texas nanny said...

What about if you gave the nanny a gift for Christmas, say a very expensive bracelet, that she decided to sell because it wasn't her style/she had nowhere to where it/she could use the money more than a bracelet. I understand it isn't the same situation but I think she can do whatever she wants with it. Maybe instead of having her kids/nieces/nephews getting 10 very expensive used outfits, she can sell them and use the money to buy 15-20 outfits from Target or something?

mom said...

You do have a point about the bracelet TX nanny. But somehow I feel like in this situation there is likely an implied understanding between the nanny and the employer that this is different than your average "gift"...and I suspect the nanny realizes this.
While it may be technically and legally fine for the nanny to sell the clothes, I don't think its very nice under the circumstances. I wouldn't fire her over it, or even talk to her disapprovingly about it, but I would want to give my outgrown clothing to somebody different...which would also be MY perogative...if I had all the facts. I get the feeling from the waty the post is written that OP feels that the mom in question here probably would feel the same way.

Anonymous said...

You gave her the clothes to do with as she pleases, if she took them to a resale shop, then they are being resold to families who cant afford regular priced clothing. in a sense people that are needy. get over it. if you dont like it then donate the clothes yourself.

TX Nanny said...

Just to clarify I'm Tx Nanny and and the above poster is A Texas Nanny. I have no problem with what she said at all, I just don't want people to think I they were my words:)
I use to work for a very wealthy family and the mom would clean out her closet 2-3 times a year and give me everything knowing that I would keep what fit and sell the rest of the expensive clothing at a resale shop, but again she knew this and was fine with it.

Anonymous said...

And to clarify the poster has the absolute gall to refer to the nanny as "overpaid".

Sounds like a bad case of Mrs. Kravitz.

Anonymous said...

You should tell the Mom and leave it at that. Personally, I agree with 5:50, I don't know that I would care if my nanny did this, but I would appreciate being told and knowing there is someone watching out for me.

cali mom said...

Hmm, well if the employer is getting rid of the old clothes, then they shouldn't worry about what happens to them once they have left the house. If they wanted to sell them themselves they could, but really, as A TX Nanny pointed out, if they are giving their nanny 10 expensive used designer outfits and she is selling them to buy groceries, Christmas gifts, or 20 inexpensive outfits, they are still helping their nanny by giving them to her.

From the post we don't know where she is selling them, and for all we know, she could be selling them at a baby clothes consignment store because she doesn't think HER kids really need 2 dozen cute little dry clean only hand knitted organic material sweaters and fancy velvet dresses as much as they need a bunch of sturdy used jeans, t-shirts and warm jackets for next winter.

Anonymous said...

When you give something to someone, it's theirs to do with as they please. And the OP says the employer ASSUMES, not that the nanny gives this impression. I can't stand people that give with restrictions. Maybe she has debts to pay, maybe she has trouble making ends meet. I would love to know what OP thinks Overpaid as a nanny is anyway. After all, how do you OVERPAY someone who is respoinsible for hte well-being of a child?

Anonymous said...

We don't really know what the understanding was between the employer and the nanny. I do think the nanny might ask her employer if she minds if she sells what her family can't use, but unless the employer specifically indicated she wanted it donated, it is a gray area. The nanny may assume she is giving it with no strings attached.
OP's reference to the "over paid nanny" makes me think perhaps her desire to rat on the nanny is not motivated by a noble concern that these "very expensive" outfits are not being donated to the poor.

melamonk said...

Perhaps she referred to the nanny as overpaid to prevent people commenting, "maybe she isn't paid enough" or "maybe she NEEDS the money".

As a rule, I give away everything I cannot use. Be it furniture, children's clothing, toys, jackets, etc. There are programs for jackets and I give my own clothing to a women's shelter. When it comes to my children's things, I look around for people to offer those things to. Because there is always someone I know who needs these things, even if it is the neighbor's housekeeper.

If I could give these things to my own nanny or housekeeper and they could use them, I would be delighted. But I would be outraged if they took these things from me to sell for profit. I think that is the point that should be considered. Like OP, I never intend to profit off the things I don't want, but to give to people who can make use of the actual items.

This nanny sounds very underhanded, but she must be very maipulative because it sounds like she has gotten her hands on enough goods to really irk someone. All in all, not the sort of opportunistic, money grubber I would want my own children exposed to.

Anonymous said...

the post is obviously not the nanny and probably the employer because it describes the nanny as "overpaid". A nanny would not use that term

Anonymous said...

if she was a nanny getting paid more than she was worth by another nanny who a better nanny and making less money, hell ya. a shitty nanny is ALWAYS overpaid.
And there's lots of them.

nyc mom said...

As am employer I would want to know and would be grateful to you for sharing it.

As others have said, I also give away all gently used clothes and specifically want them to go to someone who is in true need. Our school usually does a drive for a men's homeless shelter and women/children domestic violence shelter. But when I had a nanny with young children in the past, I would offer them to her also. I do not want to profit off the sale of our used clothes and would not want my nanny to do so either. If she had no personal use for them, I would find an organization or person that did. The entire point of donating is giving to those most in need without demanding payment in return. The nanny who is reselling these gifted clothes is undermining the whole point of that.

I also agree that there is an element of dishonesty going on. Of course technically the nanny can do what she wants with a gift, but it just feels like a deceptive act. I have appreciated getting used clothes when in need years ago and would never have considered reselling them for a profit. If I had resold them, it would only to have been able to give the proceeds back to the original owner as a small thank you.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a Nanny that has a jealousy problem. Over paid and she is a better Nanny than her.?

I would think that unless a person said" If you want these things you are welcome to them,but if you cannot use them please bring them back so I can donate them to such and such , the articles would be the Nannys. If she then went and out and put them up in a resale shop after being asked to bring them back if she was not going to use them, she would be deceitful and in the wrong.
I think if someone told me she was doing this I may go and check it out before confronting the Nanny about it.
I still think this other nanny has a problem and I would take what she says with a grain of salt.

Anonymous said...

OP, But-Out...Leave that nanny alone! You make it sound like she's reselling the items out of pure greed. Do you know that for a FACT? You must assume it, since YOU have decided she's "overpaid". When you make a donation of clothing or furniture to a charity, you have no control over who gets it or what they do with the stuff...wear it, use it, give it away, trash it, or sell it off directly to some person or resale shop to get much needed cash. Here's a puzzle...why is controlling what happens to "stuff" you don't want anyway so important?

FNG said...

OP, to answer your question, no I would not want to know and never cared. I gave away most of my child's Nordstrom bought clothing to a family I knew was in need. I would see some but not all of the outfits on their kid and I figured they probably sold off the more expensive coats and dresses to buy more practical items for their daughter.

I think you should mind your own business because if the nanny and mother have a good relationship, and she is a good nanny, you will end up looking poorly in everyone's eyes.

There was an episode of MASH where Charles donated expensive chocolates to the local orphanage. When he found out the people running the orphanage had sold the chocolates on the black market he was furious and went to confront them. The man running the orphanage explains he used the money to buy food because it's not a very good idea to give dessert to children who haven't had any dinner.

I also don't see how a nanny can be overpaid, unless she is a crappy nanny, which isn't mentioned in the post.

Anonymous said...

A top notch nanny deserves top notch pay.
A great nanny deserves great pay.
A good nanny deserves good pay.
A stick in the mud, cold nanny with zero personality deserves 50% of good pay.

I'm just sayin'

Overpaid is relative.
Just like paying a great nanny the going rate makes her underpaid.

lauren said...

I have given my son's clothing to my housekeeper since he was born because she has said that her two sisters with boys can use them. I am happy to do this. What made me especially happy was when she shares pictures of her nephews with me and periodically I can see her wearing some of my son's clothing. If she could not use these clothes, I do know other people who I would offer them too.
So, yes it is a question of integrity. Knowingly taking clothing out of the running for people who may need clothing? For a profit? Shame on that nanny.

Would I want to know?
I would absolutely want to know.
And then I would be pissed to learn someone else knew, because I would feel like not only was I take advantage of and manipulated but I was made to look foolish.

lauren said...

correction
** Peridoically, I can see her NEPHEWS wearing

Anonymous said...

Hmmm thinking of the Resale Children's Boutique I know of, I wonder how many times the owner asks the Island nannies I see in there if they have permission to sell the clothing they bring in. I know some nannies do drop it off for the employers (which I think is so greedy, because if you can afford a nanny, you should not be selling your children's clothing, but giving it away).

Just the same, I get the feeling that there is a lot of sneakiness in that field. I've been in there. I shop the resale boutiques for my children's clothing. The person I deal with has said things like, "I think I going to have some x's and y's come up next Tuesday". I have also heard her tell a nanny (from the Islands) "What I really need are...".

Sniff, sniff...I think I smell a possible New York Magazine article.

maggie said...

If it were me-
Yes I would want to know.
Alert me by email or slide a note under my door. Let me kwow exactly where the nanny is selling it. Sign your name or not. Just provide enough details that I can verify the facts.

fox in socks said...

op, just tell the family. They will want to know. And if they don't care, so what.

Many people would care. So mention it. Wouldn't you want to know? I think you would. That is why you posted here. So, tell the family.

Let us know what happens.

mom said...

I usually try to find somebody who I know will enjoy something before giving it to an unknown charity, but I still want it given to somebody in the end. There are people who cannot even afford to frequent the "upscale" resale shops that these clothes are likley going to.

I have given a lot of used but nice furniture to newly married "children" of friends who need a boost. I have given several furniture items to my former housekeeper, who I loved. I once dropped off a bag of very nice baby clothes to an especially friendly cashier at McDonalds who told me she was having a baby girl. (I would not have cared if she sold some or all in this instance because I simply handed her a bag, unsolicited.) My mom reports that my nieces want to wear almost exclusively the clothes and shoes that my daughter has grown out of...because they feel special because they came from their cousin. It makes me feel good to do these things.

I have several people who have made it known to me that they can use my childrens (and even mine and my husbands in some instances) outgrown clothes. One is a woman from church who has sort of "adopted" an apartment complex full of needy people. Another is my housekeeper, who has done the same and mentors several teenage boys. Another is a man who goes on missions to poor villages in South America. Another is a woman who visits villages in Africa and likes to take things for children.
I wish I had enough to keep all of them going...so yes, I want to give my things to where they can be used well. This is why I would be upset to find that somebody else was making a profit off of them. It takes the giving out of the gift.
Maybe the mom OP describes feels differently. But shouldn't that be her choice to make?
In the end this isn't a huge deal...but just a niggling "ick" to me.

Just for grins I asked my husband last night what he thought. First he said it was dishonest. Then he thought for a minute and said nanny probably had a right to do whatever she wanted with the clothes since they were given to her...but that the nanny ought to at least let her employer know what she is doing, just to be perfectly up front and make sure this is how the mom wished to donate her items. He said he would feel somewhat deceived if he were the empolyer.

Anonymous said...

Gosh! I certaily am glad none of you people are my friends cause I surely wouldn't want any "generosity" from you guys. I would be afgraid I would have to account later for what I chose to do with your "gifts."


I agree with those who said once an item is given away, it's the other person's to do with as they please. Which BTW, also is how it works in the eyes of the law.

Anonymous said...

Forget about "common decency" and being forthright and honest with those who trust you. It's the letter of the law that makes interpersonal relationships so rewarding!
Right back at ya about being a friend to somebody with your moral compass 11:24.

Anonymous said...

10:21

I think the statement " I know some nannies do drop it off for the employers (which I think is so greedy, because if you can afford a nanny, you should not be selling your children's clothing, but giving it away)." is ridiculous. So a family that can afford to pay their nanny is suddenly not entitled to resell any of their used belongings because they "should" be giving them away?

Many people struggle to afford a nanny and to pay her well. Having a nanny is not equivalent to being so rich that money is a non-issue. Maybe being frugal and not wasteful with money and belongings is what allows some families to afford a nanny for their children.

Think before you make broad judgments.

Anonymous said...

OP here:
The person I am speaking of has asked for these items for relatives. Repeat, she asked to have the items the children no longer needed for her relatives.
The items are being resold. Sure, on occasion, she finds things to keep for herself but only because there is so much for her to choose from. She has bragged about just how much money she has made to another nanny. I find that repulsive. Never mind the ideas it is putting in to the mind's of other nannies.

Anonymous said...

In my experience, female nanny bosses are stupider. You cant pull the wool over the male nanny boss, but the female bosses is pretty dumb. All she wants is her fradgile ego stoked. She gave me all of hers old clothes at the end of when it hot. Awhiles later she asked why she isnt seeing me in them clothes she gave me. I tell her they are so nice I wear them only when I go out in the evening. Thats all it takes. If you want to make money you know take everything you can get your hands on. Sell it at re sale or craigs list. I finally got ebay and it got me like 5000 out of just one heap of stuffs she gave me. Ebaytakes longer and you got to ship it but now that i have it I am putting everything on there. China. Crystal. Jackets. Boots. Sleds. Dolls.

Anonymous said...

one more thing, dont talk none about getting stuff while the male boss is home. He could get wise.

Anonymous said...

my employer gives me her children's old clothes for my son, and when he outgrows them I tell her that I am giving them away to a friend or to a friend that works for child services. She doesn't mind

Anonymous said...

229.
that sounds reasonable. in fact i think that is what most people who give people think. you use them for your own child and then pass it on. pay it forward. i do have to say though i do wonder how that works at resale shops. the better stuff they get in the more money they make. how would it hurt to have a couple of dishonest yet well connected UES nannies in their pocket?
the person above you sounds like a nutjob.

Anonymous said...

No worries. It is all good. Karma. You reap what you sow.

fox in socks said...

To Anon at 11:31, I agree with you totally and love your post.

OP, thanks for expanding on your post.

Anonymous said...

2:15 is a fake post.

fox in socks said...

2:15 is not a fake post. Why is it that anytime someone posts with 2:15's kind of vocabulary and diction, people come up with these comments that her posts are not real? Do you really not know anyone who speaks this way??? Why else would you think 2:15 isn't real then? 2:15 is real, I'll bet.

If she's the same person that posted in the past, I was hoping she would post more about some of the stories of how nannies sneak things out of house, right under the employer's nose. In any case, I like 2:15's candor and think she has so many interesting things to say. She really gives the low down.

MORE, please!!

And stop saying she's fake.

Anonymous said...

Mom- I couldn't help feel a little weird as I read your most recent post... whatever happened to the "don't let your left hand know what your right hand does" part in the Bible... it's not really selfless donation if you are going to turn around and brag about it. I could see using one or two examples to make your point but it just seemed to keep going and going!

Anonymous said...

Again...why is it sooooo important for you people to control what happens to "things" you don't want/have use for anymore? You want to see some child/person you absolutlely KNOW has less money than you wearing your designer duds, maybe??? Geez!...Get over yourselves already!

Anonymous said...

OP sounds like a bitter, jealous toad.

Anonymous said...

And you sound like an old hag. Go to bed!!

mom said...

7:33
Well, I suppose I can see your point. I also think its rude to give and brag about it...or even to mention again. I do make a point to avoid that.

However, I don't consider donating things I have no more use for as the type of sacrificial giving that would be "bragworthy." Those things are of no use whatsoever to me anymore, so how is that in anyway sacrificial on my part?
I was trying to illustrate how seeing people benefit from these things makes me feel good. (And why I would not want to have them intercepted by a profiteer along the way...as that is the current discussion here.) I do enjoy knowing that they go to people that are appreciative and genuinely need them...and not because I want to think I have more money than them. Probably because I can remember and still really am thankful for the times when I was starting out and people helped me. It made me feel cared about.
People used to bring clothes to me because my parents were very young and struggling when I was young. I loved the beautiful dresses I got to wear...and never thought twice about them being second hand. And I took good care of them and my mom washed them and returned them to the donors when I had grown too big for them. Some of them accepted them back and some told her to feel free to pass them on to somebody else if she wished. People gave us furniture when we were newlyweds...and boy did we appreciate it.

And again 8:10, it's not about "controlling" these things forever. It's about having the intended goodwill intercepted by greed.

cali mom said...

First off, if the nanny DID specifically say that she needed the things for her own personal use or for a particular relative's personal use then she is being dishonest which of course is not good.

But in general, you could say that by selling them at a resale shop, the castoffs are benefiting people twice instead of once. First the nanny gets a benefit by selling them, and then someone else *still* gets the benefit of them because they can buy a fabuous expensive designer outfit at a discount. I think the comparison to the MASH episode about the chocolates is very good.

pissed off in Maryland said...

Oh give me a break. Why are you defending this naughty nanny? She's a cunning thief. Why does that baffle you so?

Who do you think shops at these children's resale "boutiques"? This isn't the goodwill we are talking about. A girl's dress that originally cost $80 may cost $40. Middle class people are still buying their children's clothes new. The people that shop at these "boutiques" have money. So what are you doing but giving another rich old fart a discount.

I never thought of reselling my children's clothes, but be sure if I were to, I would not pocket the change. I might use it to go and buy cases of diapers for a certain place I volunteer at.

This is the ultimate bullshit and why so many people don't trust nannies. If you have a child and are given clothing by your employers for your children or relatives, be grateful. That is a word, learn it.

Anonymous said...

Dear pissed off and all the others.

There are many times when I, as a working class stiff, have gone to designer resale shops to purchase expensive outfits for my self and my duaghters so we could look nice at weddings and other special occasions. And I have never been in a resale shop that charges 40.00 for a used child's dress, although I have gotten great clothing from Sak's and Bloomies in the 20.00 to 25.00 range. 25.00 for a top quality party dress that normally would have cost 100.00 or more that makes a little girl feel like a princess on a special day and doesn't break my budget is well worth it. So you see, not all rich people use and benefit from designer resale shops.

And, I too, thought OP sounds like they are suffering from a case of sour grapes. Maybe it was the "overpaid nanny" comment that did it.

In closing I leave you with a poem my daughter made up when her class was assigned to write an essay on "Snitching" When and why it is a good and bad thing.

Don't be a rat,
It won't make you rich.
There's often no cheese
At the end of the snitch.

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is a talented poet, but I wonder is she writing for the gangs, thugs and murderes on the streets of baltimore and newark? because that is the same sentiment they use to bully and intimidate people who cooperate with the police to help solve any of their hundreds of murders, rapes and robberies.

You have to admit, it is a bizarre poem for a child.

Does mama deal?

Anonymous said...

9:18 you are an idiot or a moron, which is it?

You could be an idiot, because your last line, "does mamma deal?" reeks of plain stupidity.

You could also be a moron, because clearly, you can't read and comprehend a basic paragraph. I said the essay was on when snitching was a good thing and when it was a bad thing. I specifically changed my wording from the Pros and Cons Of 'Telling', which was the official name of the assignment, because I was afraid someone like you would come along and not be able to figure out what Pro and Con means. Obviously, it was a lesson to help kids understand when telling on someone is a good thing, like when drugs are involved, or possible suicide or violence, and when it is a bad thing, for the wrong reasons, like you would tell on someone because you don't like them or are jealous. And the child IS a gifted writer. She has won and placed in numerous essay contests. Hope that helps, genious.

Regularly Anonymous said...

Does 9:18 AM buy?

Anonymous said...

Good job, 7:28 ...
you tell 'em!

Metro Nanny said...

7:28 RIGHT ON!

I got the hidden meaning in your daughter's poem. People who snitch for personal gain may be surprised that in they end, they don't get the reward they were expecting. Very amusing, clever and insightful.

Anonymous said...

yeah, re the poem, if u snitch u get ur ass capped. ryhme that.

Anonymous said...

damn, in English, please?

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately... once they are "given" to the nanny, they become her property.. and she can do whatever the frick she likes with them. :)

LindaLou said...

i wouldn't care. i give stuff away all the time and i can think of couple ijastances when i knew the other person was just selling the items. the fact is, i don't have to time or inclination to sell stuff and can't be bothered. if someone else wants to bother to do it, who cares?

Anonymous said...

What a great person, worrying about what the have-not does with the cast-off of those who have.

Oh I forgot, the nanny is over-paid, that must put her on the same financial level as her employer.

Ever think maybe the nanny is embarassed to say she needs extra money, but knows of a perfectly legal way to get some so she makes up story about needy relatives. And in a way, it's not even a lie. If she says her relatives need it, and she uses the money for them then she's not even really lying.

Anonymous said...

linda lou,
we are not talking about greedy ass bitches who would sell the stuff if they had time. we are talking about people that want to make sure what they have is given to someone in need. in this case, the op makes clear the nanny is paid well so she doesn't need to supplement her income and even if she did, she shouldn't Lie and ASK for stuff to do so. got it?

Do people named Linda Lou have nannies?

Anonymous said...

lol, no. I think she's a sahm.

Sue said...

To recap:

Some Mommies give their hand me downs as gifts and move on with their lives.

Some Mommies give their hand me downs to nannies to use but NEVER to pass along or supplement their income with and once a gift is given they should Cherish that crap forever.

Some nannies have large extended families and pass the clothing along

Some nannies need money for reasons (which are none of yer farking business) and resell hand me down clothing.

Some neighbors/nannies/Mommies think that it's possible to overpay a nanny.

Some of y'all are very busy, you have really Super-Dee-Duper Important things to do all day YET you have time to worry about a nanny getting a few extra dollars.

Really?

Aren't y'all just a little bit ashamed of yerselves?

It's really not a gift if you need to know how it's used.

Anonymous said...

You may be right Sue. It's not a gift if you care how it's used. Its also not a traditional gift either if you need to ask for it or lie and manipulate somebody into giving you whatever it is. That turns it into it more of a need based handout. Which means the giver may intend and prefer to give the items to somebody who can actually use them. Which means it is underhanded and wrong for nanny to ask for things for one purpose, rely on the good nature of her employer to provide them, and then take advantage of her trust by doing with them other than what she said she needed them for.
OP makes it pretty clear that this is how its happening in this case.

Anonymous said...

I give my housekeeper all of my family's used clothing, toys, furniture, etc. It is very convenient for me to put it in a bag and her take it away. I don't have to call Salvation Army or take it to the trash down the hall. She could sell all of it if she wishes! The points are 1. I no longer want it, 2. I'm not so presumptuous to think that my domestic help should have to wear my rejects and like it, 3. I would be more than happy for my housekeeper to bring in some extra money by selling my clothes. It's almost like an extra bonus for her - a win/win situation for all of us.

Anonymous said...

4:03,
I wish more employers were like you!
You sound very sweet! :)

anonymous1 said...

I agree that giving someone something is giving them the right to do with as they please. Now, if someone went around collecting old coats or blankets for the homeless and I gave some of these items, I would expect that they would go where the person collecting said items said they were going.

Anonymous said...

I once had a nice bedroom set that I didn't need anymore as the oldest had left home and I made her room into my den. I put an ad in the local paper to sell it. A friend asked me if she could have it because they needed a bed so badly for the youngest who was now out of her Jr. bed. I knew they both worked hard and didn't have a lot so I said that she could have it and I hoped the little one would enjoy it. It was solid oak with inlaid pecan wood and the mattress was only a year old.
She was ill a month or so later and I had made her some soup and called and her husband said to bring it over. I went and when I was leaving I asked her hubby how their daughter liked her room with a big Oak bed in it. He had no idea what I was talking about. Come to find out she never gave the child the bed but she sold it for 800.00 dollars. I was kind of shocked but I let it go as maybe they sold it and got a cheaper bed for the child and maybe they needed that extra money. I mentioned it to my husband and he said for me to just forget it and that maybe they did need the money and got her a cheaper bed. He aslo reminded me that I had given her the bed and even tho she said they wanted it for the childs room that maybe they found out that she could get $$ for the bed and they needed it. SO for me to just go on being her friend and not embarrass her or myself by asking about it. I saw her at a bbq about 2 months later and she told me what she did and said she hoped I wasn't angry. That they were having hard times. I am glad I never said anything to her about it as I would have made my self look cheap and petty. My husband was right. I did not need the money and they did.

LindaLou said...

what are you nattering on about 9:51? the post says, "Would you want to know if you were giving your nanny your children's very old but very expensive clothing and or furniture under the assumption that your nanny was using it or giving it to family but the nanny was actually selling it at a resale shop?" not what you claimed.you need to get the weird chip off your shoulder when it comes to my posts. as far as i can tell you're just a nasty anonomous little troll.

LindaLou said...

"OP here:
The person I am speaking of has asked for these items for relatives. Repeat, she asked to have the items the children no longer needed for her relatives."

oh, brother! the story ALWAYS changes, doesn't it? @@.

fox in socks said...

Linda Lou, you do tend to get picked on by someone from time to time. Don't let it rattle you.

Anonymous said...

Way too many liberals on this board for my taste. I give away clothing to an organization that comes to my house to pick it up when I call them. They also take furniture. The people who do the pick ups make minimum wage. By your liberal rationalization, the person doing the pick up for the non profit organization has every right to take whatever he wants out of the pile for his own needs, right?

Y'all make me sick.

Vote McCain.

warning said...

CPSC Releases 'Top Five Hidden Home Hazards'
August 2, 2007
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is cautioning the public about the many dangers at home with its recent release of the "Top Five Hidden Home Hazards." The hazards listed are associated with products that people may be using every day, but are unaware of the dangers that they can cause.

Each year, CPSC estimates, 33.1 million people are injured by consumer products in the home. Some hazards are from products the agency has warned about for years; others come from new products and technologies.

"The home is where people feel comfortable and secure, but constant awareness is the key to keeping families safe," said Acting Chairman Nancy Nord. "CPSC is aiming to increase awareness of the hidden hazards around the home in order to help consumers protect against these dangers."

Number one on the list is "Magnets." Since 2005, CPSC reports that there has been one related death, 86 injuries, and 8 million magnetic toys recalled. In several hundred incidents, magnets have fallen out of various toys and been swallowed by children. If two or more magnets, or a magnet and another metal object are swallowed separately, they can attract to one another through intestinal walls and get trapped in place, CPSC says. Parents and physicians may think that the materials will pass through the child without consequence, but magnets can attract in the body and twist or pinch the intestines, causing holes, blockages, infection, and death, if not treated properly and promptly.

CPSC instructs parents to watch carefully for loose magnets and magnetic pieces and keep them away from younger children (less than 6).

Number two on the list is "Recalled Products."Each year there about 400 recalls, CPSC reports. Consumers must remain aware of the latest safety recalls to keep dangerous recalled products away from family members.

To help get dangerous products out of the home, CPSC's recommends joining its "Drive To One Million" campaign and sign up for free email notifications at www.cpsc.gov/cpsclist.aspx.

Number three on the list is "Tip-overs." This hazard contributes an average of 22 deaths per year--31 in 2006--and an estimated 3,000 injuries. Furniture, TVs, and ranges can tip over and crush young children. Deaths and injuries occur when children climb onto, fall against, or pull themselves up on television stands, shelves, bookcases, dressers, desks, and chests, CPSC said. TVs placed on top of furniture can tip over causing head trauma and other injuries. Items left on top of the TV, furniture, and countertops, such as toys, remote controls, and treats might tempt kids to climb.

CPSC recommends that parents verify that all furniture is stable on its own and, for added security, anchored to the floor or attached to a wall. Free-standing ranges and stoves should be installed with anti-tip brackets.

Number four on the list is "Windows & Coverings." An average of 12 deaths occur annually from window cords and an average of 9 deaths and an estimated 3,700 injuries occur to children annually from window falls.

To eliminate the chance of strangulation, CPSC says parents should use cordless blinds or keep cords and chains permanently out of the reach of children by using a tie-down device. Also, never place a child's crib or playpen within reach of a window blind. Kids can also be injured or die from falling out of windows. Parents shouldn't rely on window screens to keep kids in and should install window guards or stops.

Number 5 on the list is "Pool & Spa Drains." From 2002-2004, 15 injuries and two fatalities have resulted from the powerful suction of a pool drain holding an adult or child underwater. The body can become sealed against the drain or hair can be pulled in and tangled. Missing or broken drain covers are a major reason many entrapment incidents occur.

Pool and spa owners, CPSC says, should consider installing a Safety Vacuum Release System (SVRS), which detects when a drain is blocked and automatically shuts off the pool pump or interrupts the water circulation to prevent an entrapment. Before using a pool or spa, swimmers should inspect it for entrapment hazards and check to make sure appropriate drain covers are in place and undamaged.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, 11:50.

mom said...

Yes, thank you 11:50.
Here are a couple of things we did when the kids were small that somebody might want to try:

1)Our window blind cords were not the kind that could be tied down (and my first son was the type anyway who would have found a way to untie them. Some kids are like that...and you know exactly what I mean if you have one of those. There is no such thing as "overprotective" or too much supervision with one of those kids.) We cut them so short that my husband and I had to reach way above our heads to pull them down. Once they were down, which made them longer, I tied them up around the top of the blinds.
My first kid was a climber. When he was not yet two years old he went into his bedroom alone and pulled out every drawer in his tall 5 drawer dresser...the bottom drawer was out all the way and each higher one just a little bit less than the one before. He used these newly formed "stairs" to climb to the top of the chest, retrieve the box of tissues and the bottle of baby powder and climb back down. I walked in to find him having a baby powder and tissue fiesta. Don't know what you might do to prevent this, but be sure the dressers are anchored and there is nothing on top that you don't want them having.

This same child (again before age 2) also got up in the middle of the night, opened the refrigerator, managed to undo the childproof cap on his Amoxicillin, and drink the whole bottle. Use childproof refrigerator locks even if you think you are sure your child isn't strong enough to pull the door open.

2) When we lived in California we made sure to anchor any tall furniture that could possibly tip over to the wall. This was initially because of earthqualke danger. When we moved form California we continued the tradition because of all the little climbers. A child at the top of a tall piece of furniture may be enough to tip it over on top of the child. This goes for tall dressers, china cabinets, and EXPECIALLY those bookcases that you sit on top of the desk in children's rooms.

3) We bought one of those big wooden play structures for our backyard. being safety conscious, I tried to imagine which pieces of optional equipment might be most dangerous, since my kids were still very small. I avoided the "fire pole" because I thought it increased the risk of falling, I got a tire swing instead of regualr ones becaus I thought our small yard might make it more likely that somebody would be kicked in the head, etc. I did get one of those big climbing ropes with knots all the way down, thinking they would only have the strength to climb as far as they were capable of handling. Imagine my surprise when I went outside to check on my five year (First son again. Thank goodness for my mental health sake that the next two were very cautios by nature) old and found him hanging with the rope tied tightly around his chest and him trying futilly to push it away from his body so he could breathe. He had been playing Superman and thought that was the best way to try out flying. Thank goodness I never let him be outside (or anywhere in his case) for more than a couple of minutes without checking on him, because that would have surely been a death if given enough time.


(This is the same child for whom I shopped preschools with "escapeproof" being my first priority ;)

Anonymous said...

Hi ts me, 1150
I meant to post my stuff on the post about the nanny who put the kid on the counter.

Anonymous said...

Oh, mom, that was hilarious... but I do feel for you at the same time!

OP said...

I wrote this post and wanted to check back in with you and let you know what I decided to do. It was none of the above. I spoke to the person bragging about how much money she is making from doing this and told her I was going to get some stuff from my employer and asked her where to take it. She gave me the name and address of the store. I found the store listed online and called the store. I pretended I was the person who the greedy nanny works for and left a message for the owner of the store who was not in, saying I needed to talk to her about some clothing that had been stolen from me. I gave that employers name and number and asked her to call me back. Now I sit back and wait. I hope this brings to light the nannies dirty tricks.

mom said...

OP,
You do realize that your nanny friend is going to know exactly who set her up, right? How long ago did you ask her the name of the store? Because if it was within a couple of days of her getting into trouble...you'd better hope she's incredibly dumb.

Let us know what happens though. It ought to be interesting anyway.

mpp said...

Yes, please do let us know what happens!

Anonymous said...

OP, talk about "dirty tricks"! Waiting to see if what YOU have done "brings to light the (other) nanny's dirty tricks" must be so exciting for you. Just knowing you could be the "super hero" responsible for causing this nanny to lose her job must make you tingle with excitement and anticipation...oh, the power of YOUR devious actions!

Anonymous said...

You have GOT to be kidding! You have just destroyed this gal's reputation with the store with NO PROOF whatsoever that she is doing anything wrong. Whether or not her selling the stuff after being given it is ethical is up for question. But it is not illegal and she did NOT steal the items. You are a gigantic trouble maker and should be ashamed of yourself! How evil. Your actions far outweigh the possibility of her being unethical. You are a hypocrit! I bet you go to church every week too.

Anonymous said...

I hope she can press charges against you for destroying her reputation. I'd love to see you held to such a high standard you think you should deceitfully impose on others.

Anonymous said...

What you did was underhanded, OP- but so what. What she was doing was wrong. She deserves to be outed and you don't need to be dragged in to it, so you did it! Good for you!

I hope she gets it good!

And if the owner of the store calls the employer who gave away the clothes and the employer has no problem with what happened, then it is all good, right?

Because this is just like the salavation army bell ringer who takes some change off the top. Those bell ringers are always poor. So would you justify them taking a cut?

mom said...

I wouldn't get too worked up guys.
I thought about it for a little bit and this is likely how the conversation will go:

Mom: hello?

Thrift shop owner: Mrs. X?

Mom: yes?

Thrift Shop Owner: This is Missy from the second hand store returning your call.

Mom: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. I didn't leave you a message.

Thrift Store owner: You didn't call about some stolen baby clothes?

Mom: No

Thrift Store owner: OK sorry. Goodbye.


mom: Goodbye

Anonymous said...

mom, we can always hope that IS how this sordid story ends. Just don't understand why someone else's unwanted stuff is OP's concern. If I were the nanny's employer....NO, I would not care or want to know what happened to the stuff once it was given away.

LindaLou said...

alrighty then, i think we've established just how creepy, dishonest, and downright despicable the original poster is. what else is there to discuss? :::puke:::

Jenna said...

The people who work at Thrift Stores for Humane Societies, Goodwill and Salvation Army are never well to do people. They are most often always the working poor. Are you at 10:10 saying that once you give your goods to these organizations, you don't care whether they distribute the goods as they say they are going to or take them on the sly for themselves? Is that what you are saying? What ever happened to integrity?

Anonymous said...

No difference between the person this post was written about and the nanny and her boyfriend that were stealing strollers in bay ridge and selling them on craigs list, at flea markets and resale shops in tarrytown. nope, a thief is a thief is a thief is a thief.

mom said...

OK guys. I really got more of the feeling that OP thought she was being clever and didn't really think things all the way through first. She made a mistake, but there is no reason to feed her to the sharks. I'm just taking a wild stab here...but maybe she has feelings?

Her little nanny friend, if she gets caught, oh well for her too. (But I doubt anything is going to come of this anyway, as the mom would have to be some sort of weirdo to have a lengthy enough phone conversation with an apparent wrong number to put two and two together here.)I don't feel sorry for the dishonest nanny here if she gets caught, even though it might have been better to let it happen a bit more naturally. (Although simply informing the mom would have also been perfectly acceptable in my opinion.) In my book, being dishonest with somebody is just wrong..especially when you are using it to take advantage of a kindness. It doesn't matter if oyu are rich or poor...dishonesty is not nice. The people herr who have likened the nanny in queation to a person who helps themselves to a Goodwill bin or a Salvation Army kettle are absolutely right. Just because something has been donated does not mean it is alright to turn around and appropriate it for your own personal gain.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the phone call will even take place. These people have better things to do than to go around calling about possibly stolen baby clothes.

I think OP went a bit too far here and only lowered herself to the other nannies level, and she should be ashamed of herself.

LindaLou said...

imo, the poster lowered herself waaaaaaaayyyy below the other nanniy's level and i can't believe anyone would condone her behavior. in fact, i can't fathom that anyone would believe a single word she posted. if i was her employer and found out she'd done this, i'd fire her. what comes around goes around, as they say...

mom said...

Um...if you mean me, I wasn't "condoning." I was just saying it's enough bashing. I think she gets the point already. No need to grind her into the dirt with our heels.
That's how you make people leave the blog altogether.

anonymous1 said...

Having volunteered in a charity thrift store, I can say that we have gotten situations where people have come in hoping to find their stolen items. Strangely, everything we get is donated so it's very strange that it could wind up with us. Yet it has.

melamonk said...

I am an employer and I have no problem with someone turning in someone for being dishonest in any way, shape or form. Especially because nannies work unsupervised and work with your children, I would grade them very harshly on any moral slippage.

LindaLou said...

mom,
you worry about your own posts and i'll worry about mine. if this one leaves, it'll be good riddance. and yeah, you were condoning soem really creppy behavior. suit yourself.

LindaLou said...

c-r-e-e-p-y...

Anonymous said...

Yes...VERY c-r-e-e-p-y!