Thursday

Inappropriate Behavior of Mom's Coworker...

Received Thursday, March 6, 2008- Perspective & Opinion
I am a nanny for a wonder family. The mother comes home for lunch every day. Once a week her [male] co-worker comes with her because I watch his daughter, too, on that day. A few weeks ago, during lunch, he made a crude comment about women's yeast infections. Today he made a crude joke about "teabagging". I let it slide both times, but I think it is inappropriate behavior on his part and I want to deal with it. My charge's mother, in both cases, did make the comment of "Classy..." in a disapproving tone, so I know she didn't appreciate it either. Any ideas on the best way to handle this? I don't want to alienate the mother or put her in the middle, because she and I have a good relationship, but I only see this guy briefly once a week and she works with him every day. Any advice would be appreciated.

90 comments:

workingmother said...

Don't respond to him. Just give him a nice glare Then, immediately turn to the mother and calmly but firmly say, in front of him, "I am sorry, I love your children and working for you, but I can no longer care for his daughter because I refuse to be subjected to this kind of talk. In the future, on the days he will be coming home with you I would prefer to take the children out or to another part of the home." If she gets angry or fires you she is not worth working for because she certainly doesn't respect you. I would never allow anyone to talk to my nanny that way!

Anonymous said...

don't be a prude

Anonymous said...

if you only see him briefly once a week-let it go. i don't see the need to make a fuss over it

kate said...

I think 9:10 is being a bit extreme. I would advise you to talk privately with your main charge's mother. Let her know how very uncomfortable this man makes you and ask her to talk to him on your behalf, or if she doesn't want to do that (although, why she might deny you help, I cannot imagine) ask that this man not come to lunch in the future.

Deal with this as quickly as possible so you can begin to feel better & the situation doesn't escalate.

Anonymous said...

If something makes you uncomfortable in your work place, especially sexually uncomfortable, it most certainly is a big deal. I think 9:22 & 9:39 are being incredibly insensitive. I hope they are more in tune to their own employees feelings.

Anonymous said...

If you're not concerned with your relationship with the man, only the woman, how about asking the woman to say to the guy "Can you not talk that way as it makes Nanny X very uncomfortable." She'd probably like him to stop but doesn't know how to ask. This way she gets to blame you, and if he has a problem with you because of it - who cares.

Anonymous said...

I agree with working mom, you shouldn't have to put up with that crap.

X him and unfortunately his daughter, out of your life.

jerseyxjacqui said...

Why would you make an issue out of this?
Don't let this silly man's crass comments affect you to this degree?
Don't even let him have that control over your feelings or your enviroment.

And if it really IS bothering you, then I agree with what Kate said. Talk to your charge's mother privately, not right in front him in a confrontational manner as 9:10 has suggested. There's no reason to be nasty. He may not think he's doing anything wrong and he may not think what he says is vulgar at all. Afterall, people are brought up (by family and society)in different ways. What's offensive to you is not necessarily a big deal to someone else.

Unless he's making jokes about rape or something else that's universally pretty taboo, he may just think he's being funny.

Anonymous said...

I think you're being hyper-sensitive! Simply say- "that's inappropriate!" and let it go.

some men I think really cannot help themselves and say obnoxious things when they are around attractive women because no one ever taught them how to behave!

Metronanny said...

LMAO you people freak out if a nanny feeds a chubby kid carvel but think a nanny should be subjected to talk about teabagging??? GIVE ME A BREAK! What's next, lookign the other way of he gropes her???
Working Mother's advice was right on! Your straighforward, calm and no nonsense response might just snap this pig out of his 1940's mentality and back into the present where the law does not permit a man to subject a woman to this type of talk.

metronanny said...

Sorry for the typos, but the dismissive attitude of this disrespect pisses me off.

metronanny said...

Sorry for the typos, but the dismissive attitude of this disrespect pisses me off.

jerseyxjacqui said...

The law doesn't permit it, really? I wasn't aware of this law.

And I can guarantee you, if a man ever complained about a woman saying vulgar things in front of him and confided in someone that it offended him, he'd be told to grow a pair and move on. No one would BOOHOO him to death and place their pseudo-empowered views regarding sexism up on a pedestal.

Ah, but we ladies are SO sensitive and SO proper. Treat us as equals, but do not offend us! This layer of BS around gender roles and so-called WOMEN'S RIGHTS only takes us further back into this "1940esque" era you speak of.

Anonymous said...

ooh, i see another controversial poster trying to steal cali mom's crown!

jerseyxjacqui said...

Me? Controversial?
No, I just have an opinion about everything.
Not sure who Cali mom is. I promise I won't be doing any crown stealing though.

Anonymous said...

JerseyXJacqui-

good point

t.r. said...

Inappropriate is the word.
I can't believe this idiot was screwing his babysitter. Goes to show you behind every creepy, crazy babysitter or nanny, there is usually a horrendous parent. Question- why do you all not comment on childcaregone wrong? It seems like you would have a lot to say.

§mpp§ said...

Wow. Thanks for the update, t.r.
I knew there had to have been something fishy going on for them to take his kid away ...
unbelievable.

Maggie's Mommy said...

Coming from someone who is hard to offend - I would feel uncomfortable if an employer was making comments like this, particularly if a child was around. I don't think you would be out of line to mention to your primary employer that you find this man's comments objectionable. Because they are. If you'd prefer to avoid a confrontation, make yourself scarce in his presence - you could take the kids for a walk, play elsewhere in the house, or even request a little time for yourself on the days that he's there (so they can spend time one on one with their children, of course). In my personal experience, the longer you let something go, the harder it is to take a stand. Just get it over with - if nothing changes, then you might have to consider moving on.

led said...

Nah, you can't let some vile man win and I'll tell you why. He wants you to feel uncomfortable, it is a form of control. You wait until your boss leaves the room and you lean over and call him a dirty bad girl and tell him that you would love to shove a carrot smothered in Bengay up his ass. Best affect achieved if you are actually eating a carrot at the time, so you can punctuate the comment with a chomp.

Then of course, you must never admit to having said any such thing to him.

Anonymous said...

What a rude and obnoxious comment!
I love it!

Working Mother said...

Actually, I feel much like you do Jersey, women who fight for the right to be equals should get to be so in every way. If you want admission to an all male military school, by all means get it. And the crew cut that goes with it. Don't sue for admission, win and then demand they change their rules for you. I am not any such lady. I fully enjoy my husband holding the door for me, carrying my bags and standing when I leave the table.

Getting back to the original post. The sexual harrasment laws in NJ do not permit an employee to be subjected to this sort of talk while on the job. And the bosses friend doing it while she is on clock certainly are in violation. As a Human Resource Manager for a large company, I can assure you this sort of treatment IS a violation.

jerseyxjacqui said...

I wasn't aware that that there was a law regarding what I would probably think are harmless comments. Then again, what I THINK isn't what everyone else does, so I guess it was pretty presumptuous for me to assume that just because I'm not easily offended doesn't mean others aren't.

I guess there will be double standards when it comes to most anything.

Anonymous said...

I am a little nonconfrontational, but I think I would simply get up and walk out of the room every time he says someting gross. Point will be made, your employer will probably be embarrassed that you felt offended and she will probably put a stop to it, all wihtout you having to say a word.

LindaLou said...

I think it's probably something best addressed at the time of the comments. A simple, "Your comments are inappropriate and unappreciated" ought to do it. If that doesn't stop it, get him out of your life.

Anonymous said...

I would sneer and look at him with disgust and say, "ewww, you kiss your wife with that mouth"?

*wife, mother, daughter, etc.

Anonymous said...

My husband was having an issue with his supervisor's sister making inappropriate, vulgar comments to him. Not a prude, but a Christian family man he told her and his supervisor that her comments and suggestions were unwelcome. His supervisor laughed it off and then, she told him be man and do what a real man would do and make her sister put her money, or his D - - K where her mouth is. He went to The VP of his department and was laughed off again, incredibly the VP told him the woman was attractive and why didn't he make lemonade out of lemons. My husband did, but not in the way they expected. Over the next several months he arranged to have an unseen witness nearby whenever he had to meet with the woman in his cubicle. Sure enough, she started in on him and after a few more comments both he and his witness went to the head of Human Resources. Long story short, the supervisor, her sister and their supervisor were fired and my husband got a nice out of court settlement. Since the company he worked for was a major children's entertainment firm they didn't want the bad publicity!

Please, don't stand for this behavior any longer. If it really offends you do speak up. And donl't have a care for his feelings.

cali mom said...

I cannot believe there are people in this day and age who think a woman is "overly sensitive" about being subjected to vulgar sexual comments on the job and and should simply tolerate sexual harrassment meekly so as to not cause a fuss. OR that there are people who have never realized that there ARE laws agaonst sexual harrassment and that they apply to EVERY employee. Or that "men" can't help themselves about making rude comments around "attractive" women. Does that mean rude sexual comments are NOT ok as long as the woman is not especially attractive? But fine and dandy if she's a hottie?

I think LindaLou's suggestion was good, (thgough I LOVE led's approach!!) and if that doesn't work, let the mom know that you are no longer willing to look after the man's daughter because of his unacceptable behavior.

And I REAL:LY hate to ask, but what is "teabagging"?

Anonymous said...

FREEDOM of SPEECH. If you don't like what someone says you ahve every right to remove yourself.

If you bring this up in the wrong way be prepared to lose your job because the mom will certainly choose HER co-worker (her JOB) over YOU nanny. It's not about YOUR perception it's about theirs- they are the ones in control and hold all the cards.

think about that...

Does it make it right? No. DOes it make it ok for you? Of course not, but you are in THEIR world NOT yours. Unless you are in your own home- people can say whatever the hell they please.

Jerseyxjacqui said...

I can't believe that women, this day and age, would allow some mindless comments to jeopardize her sense of self respect (or feigned sense of it).

I believe, that a strong, confident woman will ignore something as trivial as a vulgar comment made by a man who is most likely not worth the time it takes to worry about it.

He didn't threaten her or degrade her. He made a childish comment about someone else while she was in the room. Yeast infections and teabagging? Get a grip. There is a time to stand up for yourself and there is a time to choose your battles wisely.

Like I had suggested, she should talk to the charge's mother and tell her that it makes her feel uncomfortable. If she can't do that, then just tell this guy straight up that he needs to tone it down a bit. That's all. There is no reason to get nasty and self righteous.

If, however, he doesn't stop after politely being asked to, THAT'S when I would reconsider taking care of his child.

just anonymous said...

That poor little girl is going to grow up with low self-esteem having a vile father like that :(
I would stop watching his child. Just say it's too much on those days, or make up something. There is no money in the world worth making you feel crappy.

cali mom said...

Oh dear. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. An employer does NOT have the right to call an employee a N-word, C-word, whore, slut, c*cksucker, or ANY other derogatory name or intimidate them sexually and cite the first Amendement. Because THAT falls under the category of harraswsment which is a violation of the employee's basic rights. How this might apply to an independant contractor I am not quite sure but the nanny is under NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to tolerate it quietly.

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm curious too. What's teabagging?

My husband's secretary too began saying suggestive things, to him and another coworker. Then she started sending invitations, to their work e-mail addresses from her work computer, on company time that they were paying for, for them to visit her MYSpace Page. Then she sent my husband an e-mail asking if she had seen him at a strip club over the weekend. I hope she learned her lesson and is acting a little more professionally on her NEW job. They fired her.

jerseyxjacqui said...

To learn more about TEABAGGING go here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=teabagging

:-)

Anonymous said...

ICK! That is truly gross and offensive. WHY would anybody want to do THAT!? Or talk about it in front of women and children? Doesn't your boss's husband mind the lunches together and the vulgar talk? I would think he would punch him in the mouth.

jerseyxjacqui said...

I can see not talking about it in front of children, but why can't women be subjected to it? Are we that fragile and sensitive? Unless the woman makes it very clear that she is offended by that kind of talk, why should a man talk to a female coworker any differently than he would a male coworkers?
Again, we wanna be equals but only when it's convenient!!!

Do you see the double standards!?

Teabagging isn't really THAT disgusting. No need to overreact.

Gabriela said...

If you are uncomfortable you should tell the person who is making you feel that way that you find his behavior/comments inappropriate. If you can do this without the mother present that would be better, but do it nonetheless.

Be aggressive. Be blunt. Do not be rude or threatening. "Excuse me, but I have felt this way for the last two weeks when you have come over..." and finish as you will. Start keeping records of what he said and when. WRITE IT DOWN when it happens. If he refuses to tone it down, and the mother refuses to help you not be exposed to him, you should check around public records of recent court cases and for the state's laws on sexual harrasment. You could possibly sue for however much money you will lose when you quit this job and look for another one, maybe damages too.

I can't believe all of this I am reading about how "men would be told to grow a pair" and empowered women should not worry about people saying inappropriate things because they are empowered etc etc. Damn! I've lived in large cities and am currently smack in the middle of the Bible Belt-- I've never heard of such nonsense. Being at work is different from being at a bar at 2am! NO ONE should have to listen to unwelcome sexually tinged drivel on the clock.

Jersey, before you get on me: I'm for sure not a delicate flower. I am also not one to put up with bullshit.

Sorry to be the one to break it to you Cali: teabagging is the act of a female putting either one or both of a man's b--ls in her mouth.

jerseyxjacqui said...

Gabriela, did I suggest that it was OK that a man be told to grow a pair? I was pointing out the double standards. Please try to follow along.
And I was mocking the whole idea behind EMPOWERED women. I guess that wasn't clear either.

Being delicate and not dealing with BS are not related in this case. Again, I was referring to the double standards and blatant hypocrisy behind yammering about how men should and shouldn't treat women.

Mom and coworker are having lunch in mom's home. It's probably a very friendly lunch, far from the confines of the office (stop me if I am making too many assumptions, but it seems logical to me)...and while they are in nanny's place of employment, it's also the mother's HOUSE. So you can't compare it to other situations where this would be happening among a professional atmosphere, in the workplace.
I acknowledge the fact that she is offended. I offered my advice as to what I think she should do about it. I also pointed out that people come from different backgrounds and no one percieves things the same way. What she considered very offensive, may have been no big deal to him (it wouldn't have been a big deal to me, for example..that's where she and I differ..get it?)...Which is why she should talk to the mother OR him and ask him to tone it down. IF he doesn't, that's when she could take it up a notch and get justifiably angry...
I DOUBT this man meant to make anyone uncomfortable. Of course I could be wrong, but from the way she described it, it seemed harmless and the charge's mother didn't really seem to care, despite the eye rolling. Hopefully, if she asked him to knock it off, he would.

A person doesn't constantly have to prove to others that they are strong people. If you are secure in that knowledge, you choose your battles.

IN MY OPINION at least.

Anonymous said...

good grief.

Anonymous said...

I agree with jerseyxjacqui's perspective. Mom and friend were home having a casual conversation over lunch. Of course, they shouldn't say these kinds of things in front of the children (though the OP doesn't specify the kids witnessed this). If the kids are there that makes it easy to talk to mom with their concerns in mind. If not, just tell her privately and if she is "wonderful" as you say, then she will no doubt put a quick stop to it.

I think it is inappropriate and presumptuous to first confront the man in an aggressive manner in front of mom. Maybe more details from OP would change my mind on that, but if I had a friend over for lunch and she made an off-color remark I would be very annoyed if my nanny chastised her.

More context needed - are the kids present? How old are the kids? Why are you at the lunch table also -assuming mom comes home specifically to have a special weekly lunch with her child? I would think she comes home for the alone time and friendly contact with coworker. Are you serving or caring for the kids during this lunch?

Sexual harrassment? Come on. Presumably these comments were between two coworker friends and not directed at nanny in any way. Should she be "forced" to listed to such talk. Of course not. But she's a grown woman. Walk out of the room and talk with mom about it tonight. Making a much bigger deal than needs to be.

Calimom, a nanny is not nor can she be an independent contractor, unless she employed by an agency in an ongoing way (e.g. mom pays the agency who then pays the nanny). This issue has been addressed by the IRS many times and is very clear. Nannies are employees and this is why paying cash (and having her file the taxes on her own) is illegal. It is not illegal to pay your occasional housekeeper or gardner in cash if they will file as self-employed/independent contractors.

To quote the IRS:

"If only the worker can control how the work is done, the worker is not your employee but is self-employed. A self-employed worker usually provides his or her own tools and offers services to the general public in an independent business.

A worker who performs child care services for you in his or her home generally is not your employee.

If an agency provides the worker and controls what work is done and how it is done, the worker is not your employee."

Kate in CO said...

Wow.....JXJ, where'd you come from??? Are you a man?! Hey 1:23....GOOD for your husband!!! WTG!! I would never tolerate what he had to & the OP has or ignore such comments......especially if children are around. What the heck is this Mom doing bringing a male coworker home for lunch anyhow? I know you watch the daughter, but is he speaking like this in front of her? Again, WOW!

jerseyxjacqui said...

Kate in Co: am I man? why is mom bringing home a male coworker? Those are your two questions?

Really? Haha....

My question for you is, Are you sexist? In your brazen attempts to be the exact opposite, you come off as one instead.

And OP never specified whether or not the child was around. I'd be curious to know whether or not she was too.

cali mom said...

Gabriela, thanks. I was about to go check the link to look it up. I agree, in proper context it's not a big deal but seriously, would you want your boss talking about it with your coworkers while you were stuck in a meeting with him? Since the mom's house IS the nanny's workplace, and the nanny IS mom's and the guy's employee, workplace rules on sexual harrassment apply. Why wouldn't they??

4:05, I only mentioned the independant contractor aspect because I've read here about some employers who refuse to provide a W-2 and instead give the nanny whatever form is required for an independant contractor (I forget what form it is). So if an employer tried to fight a harassment charge from that angle, that's where the question *might* apply.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, nannies are not entitled to the same benefits and rules as regular employers. Call it a family business type thing or a company employing less than two people, they don't have to anti up. If they did, I would have been so rich because I could have sued my employer. I was dropped off by a friend late one night when I was a live in nanny. We had been drinking excessively. I was pretty drunk, but got myself to my room. The next thing I know- he appeared. Yes, he did. And I was to drunk to care, he actually took off my boots and helped me get in bed. That is the last thing I remember but I woke up the next morning so sore in places I shouldn't have been sore. You think bad things don't happen to nannies ever day? Things that they have no recourse for?


Please- you know the employers count on that!

heidi said...

Oh you are so way off with your IRS quotes and trying to make it applicable to this thread. Nannies are NOT NOT NOT independant contractors. I had a friend try and call her nanny one and she has been audited since 2004 because of it.

Anonymous said...

Kate
You are so friggin' crazy, but I love ya! ;) ^^^^^^^^^

cali mom said...

Heidi, I think you missed something. Re-read what was said on the topic.

4:45, just because you chose not to take any legal action doesn't mean you had no legal recourse. Did you try to file a police report and they refused to take one? Did you talk to a lawyer who told you no wrongdoing had occured? No one is going to pursue that on your behalf if you decide not to.

Anonymous said...

Um, Heidi, I think you have a reading comprehension problem.

My point and the quotes support that a nanny is not nor can she be an independent contractor. The quotes are directly from the IRS website on Household Employees.

Also, it is spelled independEnt. I do not normally nitpick spelling or grammar errors, but for some reason this misspelling is in multiple posts and is driving me crazy!

heidi said...

tramadol + oxycontin + lexapro + Mr. Pibb = Superdelicious

jerseyxjacqui said...

Rape is rape, 4:45. Are you trying to say you didn't have that man arrested because you were his nanny and assumed you didn't have the ability to do that because he employed you privately? You're his nanny, not his sex slave...

I'm lost here.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't even tell you what happened. I had no memory of anything inappropriate at all. I just remember he was there while I had my hand on the doorknob of the door leading to my room. I was trying to balance and take my boots off and he offered to help. Such behavior (helping or even acknowledging me) was so out of character, I wasn't even sure if I imagined it. And if something did happen, who is to say, I wasn't really into it. For all I know, I hugged his neck when he tried to help me with the boots. My point wasn't my story. My point is that nannies on the whole have so many bad things happen to them and they are powerless because many times they work for wealthy people.

So having to put up with a few comments is nothing. In fact the nanny's female employer probably ENJOYS it for the sheer fact that it makes the nanny uncomfortable. Yet another way to demonstrate her control over the nanny.

Anonymous said...

5:34
Do you still work for that family?

5:34 said...

No. But I didn't leave because of that. I was fired 2 years after that. The parents divorced and I was left to work with the mother who fired me.

cali mom said...

I'm sorry that happened to you 5:34, but I still say that just because you chose not to pursue it in any way doesn't mean he had the legal right to do that to you. IF your theory on op's employer is correct, all the mpre reason OP should NOT have to tolerate it.

OP, maybe you could say something like "I know you 2 are on your lunch break but I'd rather not have to hear about such topics while *I* am working".

Anonymous said...

um the IRS website is ref. to live in nannies. I am a live out nanny and have filed at HR Block as indep. contractor for years.

Anonymous said...

Op, YOU are the one who gets to decide what makes you uncomfortable in your workplace....unfortunately, your workplace happens to be your employer's home. This is a boundary issue. Your employer's invited guest/coworker has crossed a line. You need to speak to your employer about what you need to feel comfortable and safe working in her home.

Why must you even be in their company when this man comes to lunch one day a week? Are you, the kiddos, and those two parents all lunching together? If so, his comments are even more inappropriate...adult, sexual comments in front of children???? Is it possible to simply not be present during his lunch visits?...take a break, leave him and your employer to themselves?

I think you need to tell your employer how you feel, and offer a non-confrontational solution.
Best of luck to you! Let us know how you decide to handle it - it could help the next nanny who finds herself in a similar awkward situation.

Anonymous said...

6:57 you are completely and without a doubt in the wrong.

A nanny, live-in or live-out, cannot be an independent contractor. Here is a link to answer the question in fair detail.

http://www.4nannytaxes.com/faq/NannyIndependentContractor.cfm

Anonymous said...

how is it then I have filed my taxes that way- through HR Block for the last 7 years like that??? I am listed as a self employed "caregiver" hmmmm?????

Answer that smarty pants?

Anonymous said...

4nanny is a racket. I wouldn't trust their advice. A parent cannot call a nanny an independant contractor to avoid paying taxes. Go to the frickin IRS, you know the SOURCE on all things er ummm TAX.

Anonymous said...

was it really necessary for jerseyxjacqui to comment 10 times on this one post my gosh.

paul the intern said...

11:29-
Who cares? She sure is pretty.

Anonymous said...

Good grief Paul ... put it back in yer pants.
She's been posting all day - I would imagine she'd be tired as hell by now!!

Anonymous said...

I bet she sounds like Janice from Friends and laughs like Fran Dresher lol

Anonymous said...

When I started working as a nanny, nannies could file as independent contractors. The IRS made the determination that nannies could no longer do so several years ago. That may be the source of the confusion.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps because H&R block is not considered the most elite accounting agency in the world and are prone to make mistakes. Perhaps the guy working with you simply followed your rules and filed it as you asked without bothering to read the tax law himself - because that would be more work.

It's not a tough one to answer. You did something illegal and haven't gotten caught - yet! People make mistakes, intentionally and by accident, on tax returns all the time. But it isn't a problem unless you are audited and caught. Maybe you'll get lucky. But if not, and the IRS finds out, you will be in serious tax trouble. It's unclear what the exact consequences would be to you since you are actually paying taxes (assuming you declare all income). But your employer would really be in trouble if you listed her name because she should have been paying her portion of taxes, SS, medicare, unemployment, disability. She is the one much more likely to get hurt.

Going forward you have no one to blame but yourself if you choose to file as an independent contractor. It makes virtually no financial sense to file this way. If you do it legit you actually owe more than you would if your employer was paying their share. Not really sure I'm understanding your motivation for filing as an IC and missing out on the benefits you should get from your employer.

Either way, bottom line remains that you are in the wrong. Change it and sleep easy. Or risk it and hope you never get caught.

Anonymous said...

Could y'all get any farther off the topic of OPs original post????

Anonymous said...

But that's what make's this such a great site. I'm sure many nannies just learned that filing as an Independent Contractor was wrong!
Get a grip.

Original Poster said...

I am the OP, back again. Thank you for all the comments, it was an interesting read.

A couple of things to add in way of an update. First, yes both the child I watch and the man's child were in our presence when he said these things, but they are only 2 and 2 1/2 years old, so I don't think that was an issue.

Second, I wasn't "offended" so much by the crudeness of the remarks per se, but by the fact that he apparently either considered me invisible enough that he freely made them, or he considered me crass enough to not mind hearing them from someone who is practically a stranger to me. I barely know him -- most adults would have enough sense to censor themselves if they are in the company of those who don't know them that well. So no, I didn't feel threatened or sexually harrassed -- just marginalized and disrespected. I didn't lose any sleep over it, I'm not going to stop watching the little girl because of it, I was just curious to hear others' opinions of the situation.

Yesterday I asked the Mom, "So does Carl (not his real name) make comments like that where you work? If so, he could get himself into trouble there, don't you think?" I wanted to see what she really thought about him and his sensibilities. She acknowledged that he was a bit immature in that area and that she just blows him off when he does it, or makes a disapproving comment, but otherwise it didn't seem like that big a deal to her.

If it happens again, I will simply speak up and say, "Do you MIND?". We'll see what he says. :)

JerseyxJacqui said...

There are rules as to how many times I'm allowed to post? Why the hell are you people so angry?
It's a BLOG. Don't you encourage the oipen dialogue? Or are you just whining cause I'm the newbie?

P.S. I was home sick yesterday and between little naps and staring blankly at the TV, I came on here. I'm not sure why I even feel the need to defend myself, but a certain ANONYMOUS is very quick to attack and it's pretty childish.

The Fran Drescher thing...that's not NJ...that's BROOKLYN. Completely different. Same with Janice from Friends.
But thanks for being rude and immature :-)

OP: I'm glad you took care of it and let us know how it went.

jerseyxjacqui said...

Oh, and thank you Paul, assuming that wasn't sarcasm.

Oh no! I posted again. Get the anonymous lynch mob.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it OP -- they're not having lunch with YOU, they're not talking to YOU, but you feel the need to censor their conversation. Just go in another room -- they don't want you there anyway!

Original Poster said...

I don't get it OP -- they're not having lunch with YOU, they're not talking to YOU, but you feel the need to censor their conversation. Just go in another room -- they don't want you there anyway!

Nice try but you're right, you don't get it. I am tending to the children -- on duty -- in their presence. It's not an option for me to leave with the children, the whole point of them coming home for lunch is to have a quick visit with the children and me while they eat.

The teabagging joke was in direct response to something I was telling the mother about her homemade pretend tea bags for her child's play kitchen.

My own lunch break comes later, after they go back to work and the children are napping. I have a day off today or that's what I'd be doing right now.

Lindsey said...

Maybe I have been lucky to have been around men who don't talk like this, so I must ask. What is Teabagging? This reminds me of the time when I was in jr. high and someone said "blow job" and I went home and asked my mom what it was. I did ask my husband over the phone what teabagging meant and he laughed at me asking where I had heard it. I said I read it on the nanny website, and he said he couldn't beleive what us girls talk about, but because he was with our boys he didn't want to say. Can anyone clue me in?

~Lindsey, SAHM in California~

§mpp§ said...

O.k., you asked for it ...
teabagging is when the guy dips his 'b@lls' in your mouth.
I guess you could call it foreplay, lol.

jerseyxjacqui said...

Or a predinner snack.

§mpp§ said...

ewwww, .... o.k. that was funny.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking that "jacqui's" picture isnt really her Paul so do not get too excited. "Jacqui" no need to get all defensive and attack someone for posting anonymous, most of the anonymous posters have been here a hell of a lot longer than you my dear so calm down.

Anonymous said...

Is that you Mom?

Anonymous said...

I believe I can accurately say that "mom" has not posted on this thread today.

jerseyxjacqui said...

4:14, I'm flattered that you wouldn't think that's me. Thank you. I assure you though, if I were to post fake pictures I would make myself blonde...with perhaps a full C cup as opposed to my modest A, sometimes B.
I think I'd also like blue eyes and maybe a less pointy nose.

So this is about me being a newbie huh? I don't recall attacking anyone because they posted anonymously? When I emphasized ANONYMOUS I was merely referring to who I think may have been the same person attacking me in SEVERAL other posts, that's all...So wait, who's getting defensive now? ;-)

And congratulations for spending all your free time on an online blog longer than I have. I bow down to you, oh wise onliner.

Anonymous said...

jxj
I wasn't sure what to think about you at first, because I disagree with some of you're opinions ... but it's not nice you're getting flamed.

I wish everyone would relax and be a little more welcoming ... I actually think you're kinda funny.

Let's not chase off another newbie just because she's got some colorful opinions, please.

chick said...

Next time he says something crude, look at him and say "Excuse me?"

If he repeats his comment, say, "Oh." Then stare at him with raised eyebrows and a look of disdain and disgust - imagining him naked or covered in slime may help you get the right facial expression.

I would bet he will keep his trap shut after that, because he is going for the attention of a big reaction, kind of like a toddler. When all you give him is obvious didain and pity for his poor manners and lack of couth, he may decide that he doesn't want to play his little game with you any more.

Anonymous said...

jerseyxjacqui,
Way to tell 'em!

Anonymous said...

You know, sometimes this site feels more like a school playground than comments from rational, feeling adults. What is with the "bullying" and ostracizing of someone simply because they do not share an identical view point to yourself?

Also, this is the third time since frequenting this site I've witnessed a woman being attacked in a catty manner regarding her appearance. Are you all really that insecure about your own looks? I have to wonder what most of you truly look like with the insecurity that flows like water on this forum! AND oddly enough, many of you wonder why so many of the viewers here frequent as "anonymous"-- perhaps we are hiding from the evil lurking masses such as yourself, people! ;) I have to wonder, do you judge everyone this much in your daily lives, or just let loose on this board?

With that said, I also like JerseyXJacqui, and her "colorful opinions"... AND *gasp* I tend to even agree with her!

Not everyone here is conservative, but we ARE all here for similar reasons, please don't "kick" others out for having a different view point from yourselves...can't we all just get a long? ha ha

Anonymous said...

lighten the fuck up.

Anonymous said...

YOU lighten the fuck up -
you piece of chit wench!!

jerseyxjacqui said...

Thank you 5:15, 7:37 and 1:25 :-)

It's kinda nice to have people stick up for you, haha.

Anonymous said...

You're welcome jerseyxjacquie. I'm one who agrees with you sometimes, but not always (which is probably the way we all feel about most posters here, even the ones we are most fond of.)
But your opinion is always welcome--unless it is purposely rude, such as in the comment made by 2:24 to the lovely person who posted just before her at 1:25. That's never welcome, but seems to be in hearty supply anyway.
Just ignore those posts and they get tired and choose a new victim after a while. The new girl always gets it for a while.

Anonymous said...

So true, so true.

Be welcome here, jxj ... colorful opinions and all!

Waycross48 said...

The next time he makes a comment like this - just turn and leave the room - no matter what you are doing - get up and leave the room. And, if possible, don't go back into his presence. He'll get the message. If you do it often enough, the mother will probably say something to him when she sees how uncomfortable it's making you. It will at least open a dialogue between you and her when she sees you leaving the room everytime he makes inappropriate comments.