Tuesday

Have you seen my nanny?

Received Tuesday, January 8, 2008
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The nanny has been located and the original post is being removed at the author's request. The individual who submitted this post contacted ISYN as one outlet to try and found out what happened to her nanny. In her position, who among us wouldn't want to know? The criticism directed at this employer; about whom we know nothing, was completely unnecessary.-JD 1/10/08 12:16 PM

102 comments:

Anonymous said...

See what happens when you hire illegal immigrants. No social security number, etc. Now it will be harder to find her. Maybe, thats not even her real name.

Maybe, the "daughter" who works for your friend isn't really her daughter.

Sounds like they could have went back home.

Anonymous said...

Well - you didn't come right out and say it, but ... did they rip you off, then take off?

Anonymous said...

To this first reply:

Maybe something awful happened to this woman that has nothing to do with her "being illegal"
What right do you have to assume that because she is FROM Trinidad, she must be illegal.

No one knows the situation but I'm embarrassed for YOU and the comment you made. Being crass isn't necessary. If I was your nanny, I would bitch slap you for being such a cunt and making assumptions.

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE SO WRONG for putting this womans picture online like this. Did she hurt your kids, or you. The fact in itself that you are doing this just because she didnt turn up for work says there is a lot more than meets the eye.

Anway you have no right whatsoever to plaster this womans identity on the internet in this manner and ISYN could be stongly sued for slanderous conduct.

I dont for one believe the theft story either.

Strangely you have put so much info about the person and nothing about yourself. How would you feel if she put all your personal info on the internet for millions to see, stuff she has learned about you throughout the years.

Would that be slanderous of her then while in your case just because she did not turn up for work you were right to do what you did.

Supposeyou dont turn up for work and your employer does this to you, what would you do. I THOUGHT SO!!!!

nicole said...

pipe down pipsqueek, there are message boards all over the net for missing persons, cheating lovers, cheating workers, bad parkers, rude people, bad tippers and there pictures are posted online with one person's side of the story. this is a brave new world. you sound like a nanny who is up to seven kinds of sin and just knows she will be the next one outed and caught- oh do say do say do say, it's true. "strongly sued" what the hell is that?

A said...

The person who submitted this will be busted if it is a lie. But she didn't say anything bad at all. She said she noticed that the ipod was missing. But then, nothing else. So she didn't even come right out and say she stole the ipod. I don't think someone comes in to someone's home and lives among them for three years caring for their children just for the chance to steal an ipod. That doesn't make any sense!

And what do employers do when this happens? My neighbor said her nanny never returned following Christmas vacation. no calls. won't answer her cell phone call or return email. And they are pissed, but more so worried. Nannies, just leave a note, send a text message or an email. Don't leave someone hanging. Even if you just text "good bye and good luck". Imagine trying to expalin to the children that had this "wonderful" nanny for three years? Where is she? Where did she go? Not too much abandonment issues that will come up down the road.

cali mom said...

Hmm. Please xplain how it is "slander" to say that someone has gone missing, has not shown up for work, cannot be located, and has had their phone numbers disconnected. If one is to sue for slander, the burden of proof is on the plaintiff to PROVE what is said is untrue, AND damaging to their reputation. But according to your logic, if you file a missing person report with the police, they can sue you for slander? Or can they only sue you for "slander" if you provide a picture of the missing person?

OP, I hope she is OK. My guess is, they took their cash that you weren't paying taxes on, and ran from the IRS with it somewhere where they cannot be found. Give it a week and look for a new nanny. And pay her/him them on the books.

A said...

The only thing worse than an attorney is an armchair attorney.

Amanda and SuperAmanda said...

Were they legals?

Anonymous said...

Wow , nasty nasty, So if this Nanny and her daughter were murdered or kidnapped and the employer did not report them missing would you say she was guilty of not reporting them missing. For heavens sake, the woman cares about these people even if the ipod is missing! I cannot believe that woman is reading things into this post. Who cares if she was paid cash? What has that do with the fact she disappeared ? Illegal? What has that to do with it? You report people when they go missing if you care that is. I have a feeling that the poster who wrote that hateful crap would just let her nanny drop off the face of the earth. Servants are servants huh?
My Nannny wants to know where you live LOl So she never goes to work for you.

Anonymous said...

I hope they are Ok but I hardly think they came to harm and then the murderer disconnected their home phone.

And it's logical to think they were paid off the books and not here legally. If they were on the books and legal, the OP would have her nannies SS number and valid id (Green Card, State ID, passport) on file. This would give the police more information to locate them. Sorry but I think OP has been robbed and left high and dry . It happens all the time in the world of illegal employees.

BLK said...

I don't normally post, but really-- some of the xenophobes out there just flip me out!

"it happens all the time in the world of illegal employees"


or the best, the first reply:

"see what happens when you hire illegals?" or whatever that one was.

a person's immigration status doesn't determine their character, IMO.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I am the mom who wrote the post. We are very worried for our nanny and her family. This is totally uncharacteristic of her, and we are worried she is in some kind of trouble. I am appealing to this website, because I was told by the police that I cannot file a missing persons report yet. Perhaps our nanny decided to leave us for another job, and she was very good at hiding that she was unhappy. If that turns out to be the case, we will be very hurt and sad but will move on as suggested. Either way, we all felt close to her and don't understand why she couldn't just give us notice or quit. Myself and her daughter's employers believe they are good, kind, genuine people and that something suspicious is going on. For now, I am just looking for any information to help us locate someone we care about very much. Thanks for your help.

Anonymous said...

This is unreal. What difference does it make how the employer paid the nanny or anything else? And, I hardly think someone worked for a family for 3 years just to gain their trust to steal an Ipod!

Anyway, OP, you need to put down more information. Like, where you live, where the nanny worked for you, possible hang outs for the nanny, etc.

your supervisor said...

Well first off I say, if anyone knows anything, write the OP. It appears she does care. Also the nanny/employer bond can be intimate and for someone to leave you like that and your children, it does hurt on several levels.

Now, we don't know whether the employees were illegal, but let me take this opportunity to warn you about hiring illegals for childcare positions. Even if they have "green cards", you have no way of knowing anything about what they did in their native country. This is why every Jamaican nanny you meet was a school teacher in Jamaica. NOT POSSIBLE. But you can't verify it. So, I'll go one more, hire someone who has been in the country for 10 years or more, is legal and is Americanized. I mean these people could take your children!

And one more warning for all you numnuts who give the nanny a "tour" of your house when she comes for an interview. Don't do it. Think "home invasion". You haven't checked her references at that point, you don't even know if she really wants to be a nanny or she is just sent in.

It's not a beautiful world out there. It's a sewer, look out for your family.

Buy American.
Boycott Oprah.
Don't Fuel up at Citgo.
Vote Republican.
Recycle.
Hire Legal Employees.
Pay your taxes.
Floss.
Test your Smoke Detectors.

Anonymous said...

BLK:
Are you xenophobe mom from UB?

Anonymous said...

OP-
I have a question, seeing as your nanny just disappeared now right after the holidays. did you give her a Christmas bonus? I hear stories all the time about nannies disappearing right after the holidays because they got stiffed or didn't get what they think they deserved.

mom said...

To your supervisor--
Good advice.

To 9:49-- I wondered the same thing. Except that both the nanny and her daughter left their jobs together, and seem to have moved, so they probably had a plan. The good news is that they are likely just fine and laughing it up somewhere...taking lots of lovely videos and listenining to their employers' fave tunes.

And yes, people need to hire legal employees...for more reasons that I am willing to take the time to list here.

Jessica said...

I did give my nanny a Christmas bonus (as we always have) and gave her daughters gifts too, so that must not be it.

blk said...

ha!

"xenophobe mom"

no. is that someone's moniker on ub (i presume urban baby?) that would be hilarious.

to answer your question, i don't have kids but i work with children.

Anonymous said...

Sorry your nanny did this to you.
But I have heard this same type of situation over and over.

Many from other countries don't have the skill set to end a realtionship properly.
I've heard many times, they just never come back- and the family can't figure out why?

It's only an ipod and video camera-but it is strange they both went missing at the same time as the nannies.
The other posters gave you good advise.
Hire legally, get solid proof of who a person is.

Honestly, I find it sad that families choose to be so lax when hiring such an important person in the lives of their children.

Families there are resources out there in order to find a qualified nanny and do a complete background check, please research and educate yourself.

The reason there are nanny horror stories all stem from the lack of a proper background check- and the family not regualryly checking in with the nanny and having good communication.

Anonymous said...

1:25

My, my how sensitive we are. So if you were my nanny, you think you could slap me? Real class you have on here. You can be tough behind your screen, I am sure in person your a little wimp. I am embarrassed by your language. Thank god your not my nanny, I wouldn't want someone like you around my kids. Low life trash.

Anonymous said...

I am shocked that the one employer who beat her nanny with a bag of carrots got so much publicity. In every household there is a nanny who is on the verge of tackling the bitch slug she works for and beating her down with something. I mean they so deserve it.

Anonymous said...

The illegal immigrant comments are good sense, but would hopefully be said delicately.
I must say the foul language on this post is some of the worst I've seen, especially the "c" word in post 1:25.
That's got to be one of the nastiest words in the English language and the way the posters on this board are (having just reacted strongly to it on another thread), I can't believe you haven't been called down for it.
I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and just say that hopefully they had too much class and just ignored you.

cali mom said...

Do tell about the psycho carrot weilding employer-it hasn't made the news around here. Why do the bitch slugs employ such violent, mentally disturbed people to care for their children? I'm afraid for these children, who have apparently no one responsible and sane to look out for their well being.

Anonymous said...

http://isawyournanny.blogspot.com/2007/09/sentencing-set-in-case-of-beaten-nanny.html

or just search this blog for "tepper" or "mainline". don't use quotes tho

Anonymous said...

It happened to one of my friends - live-in nanny disappeared overnight - and it happened to me to the sense that my babysitter suddenly had to go back to her country for family reasons, and I was only told by a relative after she had left. I think it is a cultural thing. I hope you hear from them, though.

Anonymous said...

My boss told me a story when he heard I was first interviewing for nannies. I had spoken to a wonderful middleaged Irish woman who seemed so qualified and professional on the phone interview, but she told me she didn't have a green card even though she had been working her for 12 years. Being legal was a requirement I automatically screened applicants out on but I was wondering if I should have made an exception because she really sounded great. He told me about his neighbor who was tracked down at work by Child Protective Services. They had his infant and toddler because INS had caught up with his "nanny" while she was at work and the agents had CPS take the kids until the parents could be located. Talk about traumatic for the kids not to mention the police going around to their neighbors to try and locate the parents (they didn't share why--all the neighbors knew is the police were looking for him).

Anonymous said...

To your supervisor at 9:42, I wholeheartedly agree (except for the vote Republican part!).

I just don't understand why people don't realize that "nannies" can steal the children!

mom said...

2:18 YOur "benefit of the doubt" was well placed. Who has time for such nonsense? I think we pretty much all by now simply think, "Oh well. That's probably 'she...' and simply go on to look for less psycho posters to interact with.

Anonymous said...

I stand bt what I posted earlier, This happens all the time with illegal employees.

7:47..an illegal employee is someone who is paid off the books and has not filled out the proper paperwork. This can be true of American Employees as well as illegal immigrants. So while you are ranting against racism kindly don't lump me in.

And I still say it would be very unlikely they came to any harm and then had their phones disconnected.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be freaking out like this just because I haven't heard from my nanny for 1 day. I would be worried after a week. There is no reason to involve the police if you don't hear from someone for a day. Seriously. The nanny didn't abandon the OP's children, because they are NOT the nanny's children.
OP is overreacting and if she doesn't hear from her nanny in a few days she should look for a new nanny. And why would OP want her nanny back if she thinks she stole her ipod or camera. Hmmm....

Anonymous said...

8:23 I agree nannies should be on the books. You should add to your arguments that even if someone claims they are legal and produces documentation, you are never sure that those documents are not falsified unless you file an I-9. Just another reason to pay on the books.

Anonymous said...

It's not necessarily about taking the nanny back, it's not about the Ipod. It's about determining if she is okay and why she would do something like this seemingly out of nowhere. We are not overreacting, because in 3 years she has not once been late and is always reachable by phone. The fact that her daughter is also missing and phones are cut off lends credibility to the fact that something has happened. It is very hard to convey the relationship our family had with her over email, how she interacted with us or our child, and why we and everyone else who knew her in our neighborhood are equally concerned. We would be very appreciative of any help anyone can provide.

Anonymous said...

Give it a few days and worry then.

tree said...

I wouldn't be worried yet. I would be curious on why she left the way she did. No explanation, nothing. If she was a live in nanny did she leave with some items or clothes?

Anonymous said...

? Type I (The Good Parent) - “It’s either by instinct or by education,” Teoli said. “But, they learned how to be a good parent.”

? Type II (The Ignorant or Incapable Parent) – “This is the parent that is not functioning as an appropriate parent,” Teoli said. “Frequently, it involves either neglect or abuse.”

According to Teoli, the Type II parent was never taught the skills of being a parent and likely was neglected by his or her own parent or parents. She said, in most cases, education through parenting classes will help in making the parent a capable care provider for the child.

The incapable parent, Teoli said, may be a poor parent because of low intelligence, depression or drug or alcohol addiction. Education as well as additional resources such as neighbors, friends and teachers and school officials may be needed.

“They love the children, but they can’t parent effectively,” Teoli said. “People make mistakes. They make mistakes because they don’t think. They don’t ascertain there will be a negative result from their behavior. It’s not the same as maliciously trying to hurt someone.”

? Type III (The Lazy or Malicious Parent) — Teoli said there are parents that refuse to provide the necessary care for their child although they have the ability to do so. She said, even with parenting education, there are parents who ignore what they’ve been taught.

Which one are you, OP?

hi said...

9:46 that is rude. OP never gave a reason for having the nanny, maybe she works full time? Some people are better parent's because they work. And I'm not saying that because I work and have kids, because I don't. I just think there is nothing here about the OP neglecting their child. The post is about a nanny who had gone missing overnight and the OP is worried. Give her a break.

marypoppin'pills☼ said...

9:46
What's with the attack on OP? What did she do that made you write such a scathing post?

Not-very-nice ...

NineFourteen said...

9:46 what the hell is your problem?

There are three types of people...

#1 Nice and good mannered. These are the peopole that do what is takes for others. Like the OP who is generally worried about her nanny.

#2 Ignorant and stupid people. These people can't help it, maybe it was their up bringing.

#3 Malicious and evil people. And that would be you 9:46. Someone who still acts like a #2 but you are too selfish and stupid to think any other way.

See how dumb you sound?

Anonymous said...

I guess the OP couldn't call the police? Usually people who don't show up at their jobs as expected and cannot be contacted are reported to the police.

cali mom said...

I guess you couldn't read OP's post 1:37?

Anonymous said...

As a former HR manager I want to clarify you don't FILE and I-9. You fill one out and keep it on record. It's basically a document that proves you, as an employer, viewed 2 accepted forms of ID from your employee and to the best of your knowlege these IDs were not falsified. That means an employer cannot accept photocopies. It doesn't mean you can't get fooled by a fake ID but it would be a lot harder.

I, too, doubt your nanny and her daughter came to any harm. This behavior is not uncommon in the nanny world and doesn't make the nanny a bad person over-all. They probably went home.

Anonymous said...

If they went home, why not just tell us (and the other family) they were leaving, write a goodbye note, quit on Friday, give notice, say goodbye to the children, and mostly...why steal from both employers that you had close relationships with for three years? Everyone in the neighborhood (nannies, families, people in classes with them) all said that both women were incredibly devoted and loving to the children, always told others how happy they were with the families and that there were no signs of this coming.

Anonymous said...

We just found out from another nanny in our building that Margaret was seeking more money, went to her old employers and found another job. Despite her resentment, she never said a word or brought up anything to us. She acted sa if everything was fine while all along she was angry inside. She stole because she felt that she was owed more and it was somehow her right to take. Although we are relieved she is safe, we are mostly devastated that someone who we thought was good and kind and moral would behave this way. Thanks to those who offered helpful advice and if you ever see her or know her past employers, please pass along what she and her daughter did. We are left with this Hoping this never happens to anyone else.

Anonymous said...

"We are shocked and bewildered to think we knew her so well, and she abandoned our daughter and infant son this way."

Maybe she really hates you.

You posted too much about her.

I'd hate you so I'd understand if she did.

:)

Anonymous said...

I certainly don't condone what the nanny did, stealing, and leaving without notice. It is obvious though, that she was very unhappy and resentful, while the OP thought everything was sunshine and roses. This is not unusual. I frequently hear people who have a "bargain" nanny and tell others they are paying too much, and that their own underpaid nanny is happy.

Anonymous said...

To OP:

How much were you paying for how many hours? How much was her daughter being paid for how many hours?

How did they both manage to get new jobs starting at the same time and both be so resentful toward both of their employers?

marypoppin'pills☺ said...

I'd like to think this post was real, but someone wrote awhile back that they enjoy faking posts on here to get a rise out of all of us and to see how many comments they can get.
This is wrapped up in a real tight bow ...
What a perfect ending.
Hmmm.

Anonymous said...

9:55 poses a good question.

Kate in CO said...

Welp....all I can say is....if this post is for real, the innocent children (as usual) are the ones to suffer. This woman was their nanny for THREE years?? I wonder what kind of values and morals she passed onto your children, OP. You're a moron!

You idiot parents that have children then don't want to raise them yourselves.....you're getiing exactly what you deserve....I feel terribly sorry for your children. We'll be seeing many of you here on future episodes of the Supernanny! Your kids must be a MESS. So sad.

Anonymous said...

I am leaning toward real b/c it was also posted on UB, though seemingly by the employer of the daughter (search nanny and it is at 8:02pm tonight). That's a lot of effort for a fake post, but who knows.

Anonymous said...

of course this is real. where the hell do you think op came up with that photo. jeez. it was a boring story anyway. in nyc, how many nannies leave for a weekend and never come back. i've done it twice. one time an employer pissed me off by saying something hurtful about my own family on a tuesday. i didn't show it on my face and started looking for a job that night. i started a new job on that monday and that employer never checked my refs. the second time my employer was counting the petty cash in the house and checking the receipts. oh she was a difficult bitch. out of my own money that week, i had went to the bakery and got her a cake and had happy birthday written on it. that was my gift to her on a wednesday. so when she is counting out the money on that friday-before i left- like god help it if the nanny escapes for the weekend with an extra $13, never mind she is with our babies 12 hours a day. anyway, so she goes "the money is $10 dollars short" with a raised eyebrow. I looked at her like "are you kidding me" and she said, "oh wait, you bought the cake for my birthday" and I said, "that was my gift to you. I bought that" just as she was recounting it and found her stupid $10. I mean here I am being so good to her children -which it would be inexcusable not to be- but i went above and beyond with her children and HER and she puts me through that. I called on a job that I saw in that Sunday paper and got the job the same day. I started the next week but i took the week off. my advice to you nannies is, why put yourself through the misery? they use us and tell us if we leave without notice or dont go to a birthday party or blah or blah, we don't care about the children. if we take a vacation, they act betrayed like we are abandoning their children but the second we have an opinion about these children we come to care about-dare i say love, we are told we are 'just nannies'. so don't get attached to the children. work as long as you are being treated well. and move around as you see fit. i happen to work for a woman now who totally gets it and is a super mom and totally cool person so i have been here for 17 months. she knows my history, too. these employers have no business treating nannies like we should be thankful we have a job. yes, i did hear one particulary dick nosed slob actually say to a nanny employer, "she should be thanking you everyday for the chance to work for you".

and my pay has only gone up as i moved around.

please tell me why a nanny would ever stick it out except in the rarest of situations should a nanny even give notice. and guess what, your next employer will be so excited to have you come work for her that she will excuse you screwing over your current employer. that's how it works.

i pity all you good nannies who are badmouthed by your employers and complained about on ub. can you believe my employer told me that one of her frenemies would go online and rant about her nanny. she didnt give any background info, just the current situation and this was right after ub was on the view so every paulianna in a double wide was sittting on ub. anyway, so this idiot woman gets the advice from a bunch of faceless strangers, who dont know her or the nanny and more than likely were country bumpkins who never in their life ever rubbed elbows with a nanny or nanny employer and she listened to their advice and fired her nanny. the good news is her life has sucked scrotum since then and she looks like a fool.

its not fair to the children.
there are so many middle class women and upper middle class women out there who cannot have children and cannot afford 'help", it makes me sad to see all these sweet children handed over so haplessly to any nanny who answers their ad. because yes, in most cases, i was just any nanny. no one checked my references.

i happen to be a good person and god fearing woman. that's how i roll.

cali mom said...

YIKES.

A good reminder for employers to ALWAYS check references. You never know when some angry psycho is answering your want ad and gloating to a crowd of strangers about how she screwed you over just because she could.

marypoppin'pills☼ said...

11:48
I am so glad that you've found a Family that you click with. God forbid you are with one that you don't.
You attest to being happy, but come off as bitter and angry. I wouldn't go so far as to say the children in your care are in danger, but I hope the Mom never pisses you off ... the poor kids will likely suffer for it because once again you will probably take off and 'disappear', leaving them with potential abandonment issues that may follow them for the rest of their life.
I wish Parents would be more diligent when looking for a Caretaker that will more than likely have great influence on their childrens lives, and be the one helping to mold them into the person they will turn into as they grow up.

MissDee said...

The lesson learned here is:

Hire only US residents

Do their taxes for them

Check references

Hire someone who you know wants to job and has a love for children. Don't hire the first person who looks good on paper, or who says the right things during the interview. Give a "working interview" to those candidates you are interested in to see how they fit in your home.

And most of all:
COMMUNICATE with your nanny. Have a WA, and talk with her frequently. See if she is happy in her position, and if she isn't, ask her why. Otherwise, she will leave and you'll have to explain to your children why nanny doesn't play with them anymore.

Anonymous said...

It's terrible to be worried about someone who has been such an important part of family life, but the bottom line is that you are not acquiring a family member when you hire an employee to look after your children.

Nor are nannies joining the family when they accept a job. The arrangement is financial -- nannies need work; parents need employees.

Whether it's a good idea to hire someone to do such an important and intimate job is another question. But it is a job, not adoption (on one end of the scale) or indentured servitude (on the other).

It's probably only natural that so many of these arrangements end badly, with unrealistic expectations on every side.

marypoppin'pills☼ said...

9:05
What world are you living in that you don't think that a Nanny won't become part of a Family? It may not originally be something as intimate as the Parent would choose ... but kids become ATTACHED to the people that spend time with them, feed them, play with them, nurture them, and kiss their boo-boos.
I really hope you're not a Nanny.
And for that matter, an Employer of one.

Anonymous said...

I would much rather do my job as a parent, and if I had to hire a nanny, do everything in my power to hire the right one.
It's worth taking a chance on finding one that your children learn to love and trust. There is no doubt that this nanny would become part of the family.
If you do your job right as a parent and research your nanny, the chances of it ending in a nightmare are less likely to happen. And you must always be sure she is happy and have open lines of communication.
How is it possible for this to not become intimate?
I'd rather my kids be with someone they loved, and be a part of a family -
then a nanny who comes to work to just "earn a paycheck".

Anonymous said...

What nanny in her right mind would let an employer do her taxes for her? How is it the employer's business what sort of money or investments or other income the nanny has?

Some of you people behave as if a nanny is an object to be bought and sold and not a human being!

Anonymous said...

10:20
I think MissDee meant for the Employer to make sure that the nanny was legally on the books, not to 'actually do her Taxes'.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the previous poster mean that the employer should file the nanny's tax returns. I think she meant that the employer should pay the nanny on the books -- as a household employee -- rather than paying her under the table and assuming (or pretending) that the nanny will file her own taxes.

I'm a nanny and I'm paid on the books, which means that my employer has my verified my address, social security number, etc. He files my taxes quarterly and gives me a W-2 at the end of the year.

angela said...

What is UB,
is it a site?
I guess I am out of the loop on this one
Please anybody?

Anonymous said...

I agree with Marypoppin Pills. I am an employer who dismissed a nanny for an attitudes like 11:48's. She seemed to think being a professional nanny meant cold and detached. It was obvious after only a few weeks that watching my children (I would never apply the word "caring" to her approach) was very much a job. When I let her go I gave her two weeks severance but found out later from my neighbor's nanny that she started working for another family within a week--so she was likely planning on leaving with no notice. Just reinforced that she was not the professional we thought we found when we hired her and I was right to remove her from my home before my children got too attached. In retrospect, we suspect she falsified her reference, giving out a freind's number claiming she was with her for 15 years, because the information from her reference and her performance was night and day different. I hired a wonderful loving nanny who has now been with us for almost a year. She and her children (she's live out) are like an extended family. They join us for family celebrations (as our guests), her kids play with mine, we exchanged holiday gifts with her whole family, and she is loving and warm towards my kids and such a pleasure to have in our home. She is like a favorite aunt and her kids are like their cousins, very much part of the family.

lauren said...

ub is a site that was originally for nyc trendy mothers. and it was good for a short while. then it was invaded by nannies and a bunch of rednecks. before 2004-2005, it was great, but then the press found out about it. its called urbanbaby.com

Anonymous said...

To OP: You seem to worry mostly because she seemed really happy with you, which seems to contradict that the fact that she left abruptly. But, again, it does not mean that she was disgruntled with you. In some countries, every aspect of life is very uncertain, and if she had to go back, there are plenty of good reasons why she would do it on the sly. I think it had nothing to do with you. Please do not take it personally.

Sarah and Mitch said...

I am so glad she is found, I hope everything turned out alright!!

marypoppin'pills☼ said...

I never meant for my post to be a form of criticism, but unfortunately I think we all have to keep one eye open because there are people here playing on this board that don't want to participate with helpful advice.
Although I wasn't sure whether or not this was the case, I still wanted to include my 2 cents ... "just in case".
One thing I try never to do is name-calling or insulting the OP. Most times I even come to their defense when it looks as if they are getting jumped on from all directions.
In any case, my apologies if I offended anyone, especially OP.

Anonymous said...

9:46 & 7:42 =
same person, or 2xAs?

Anonymous said...

yeah what's the deal with these parents who get pissed off at you when you don't make the bday party? the people who i worked for before were so nasty about it. i didnt go because i wasnt invited and because i knew even if i was that i would be put to work on my off day when i already work 70h per week for them. all other kids parties i gladly attended because i was treated as a friend not "help".

Anonymous said...

I would really like to know more about the nanny being found. What happened? Please tell us. Thank you.

Lorenza said...

I think the employer should be commended for showing such concern about her nanny whom she obviously trusted and respected. An employer with a heart.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you 9:05.
Its so true what you said. I did a great job as a nanny with a family I worked for. I knew them for a couple of years. At the end I was just the "nanny". I never thought in a million years it would end that way. I thought we would always keep in touch, write emails, send pictures, etc. But its true I guess they just saw me as someone that watched their child. And I didn't quit and they didn't fire me. I went to help them for seven months when they moved from the east coast to the west coast. It was a temporary position, until her second child turned two months. It still bothers me at times, that it ended in a way like I became a stranger. It shouldn't bother me at times but it does. Now I have my own family, and its great!

So yes, do a great job, but don't get too close to a family. Trust me.

And don't let someone tell you are feeling are wrong on here. Afterall, its all our opinions.

Anonymous said...

how embarrassing for the nanny. I would hate to have my picture posted on a website. Maybe, she has some naughty pictures of her ex boss or husband, she will post.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know where to find the picture when the original was posted.

mom said...

Well, I suppose one good way not to end up on amissing poster is NOT to go missing in the first place.
Nanny has no right to be upset or offended. If she had acted like a responsible adult and simply quit her job, there would have been no publicity.
And, if she had actually met with foul play, I'll bet she would have been plenty grateful in the end to have had somebody take the time to
go looking for her. OPs response was the natural one, and there would have been no legal action that could have legitimately been taken against her for reporting the nanny missing.

Anonymous said...

I think it's interesting that the OP never answered the question about how much she was paying the nanny, for how many hours, whether it was on the books, etc...

I think that type of question was asked more than once.

Anonymous said...

Why does the OP have to answer your questions? Jeez. And for the record, any working person who leaves their employer high and dry is probably just looking out for their interest, but in the case of a nanny where there are children involved, I think you have to be a lowlife to do something like this. The nanny could have left a post it. If the parents want to be dicks and bitches about the nanny quitting, then it is on them. But a nanny should always try and do the right thing by the child, even if she decides to leave suddenly, say a frickin good bye. Children for bonds with their nannies and when a nanny is with a family a long time, you can't just walk away. Children are resilient, but come on- not that resilient. They have little hearts that have just learned how to form attachments and give and receive love. Way to fuck that up, nasty nanny from hell. I hope the stolen ipod causes you to go deaf.

Anonymous said...

Wow, 2:17
Great post ... lots of emotion. But really, you certainly have a potty mouth!

MissDee said...

I wouldn't say 2:17 has a potty mouth, and I agree with what they said about the nanny leaving a not that she quit. The children are affected by a nanny leaving, since they are just learning how to give and receive love. They are the ones that have to suffer through getting another nanny, and the parents have to go through the process of finding another nanny. You get nannies like me who love working with children, and you get the ones who look at being a nanny as a job, like 11:49's did. She could've left a post it, which reminds me....

"I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me"

Berger dumped Carrie on a post it, which was tacky. Carrie threw the vase of flowers, and I would've too. OK, so maybe a post is isn't the best way for a nanny to quit. A letter would be better.

Anonymous said...

This is anon at 11.01

Haha the first thing I thought of as well when she mentioned a post it was the SATC episode.

Anyways, why shouldn't the OP answer our questions? They come here seeking advice, sometimes more information is needed than was provided in the original post.

That was the first comment I made on this particular thread because I thought it seemed fishy that the OP avoided sharing that information, which seems pretty important in this particular case. It totally doesn't excuse what the nanny did, but I'm sure it played a role. She says their relationship was great and that they were close, nanny was happy, etc. but oviously the nanny wasn't happy with the money she was making for the hours she was working, and the OP may have been able to figure that out sooner if she had provided the info up front.

The truth is, yes this is more than just a job for most nannies; we get attached to the kids and begin to love them, which often makes it easy for certain types of parents to take advantage of us. A lot of us will rationalize the fact that we aren't being paid what we are worth or aren't receiving the type of treatment/benefits/respect we deserve because we love the kids and it will be hard to leave them so we stay and put up with our frustration. Obviously, some nannies take the opposite route and instead of staying even though it tears them up inside, they ditch with no notice or reason.

Anonymous said...

Great topic, and one that comes up often....
Moral of the story....

Have a work agreement, and state how much notice each party will give if either wants to terminate the arrangement.

Also, add how the nanny/family will positively model ending a realtionship in a healthy manner.

BTW...what happened to the nanny?

melanie said...

The nanny went back to work for her former employer. I believe the OP posted that earlier in the thread. Weird. Maybe the daughter left at the same time so she wouldnt have to hear questions about the mother?

As for a work agreement, you all talk about them like they are binding. Yes, it helps to have a work agreement to set forth in writing so you both are CLEAR as to what the nanny's responsibilities are and how much she will be paid and when. But it doesn't matter if the agreement says the nanny will give 2 weeks or 4 weeks, it isn't a binding document and what are you going to do once the nanny is gone? You don't need a document to know that leaving with no notice is wrong or that failing to say goodbye to the children is wrong.

I urge you nannies not to leave without saying goodbye to the children. I understand that sometimes you are scared to give notice because the employers you work for are mean. Some nannies get fired as soon as they give notice. But leave the child with something, "no matter what happens..(and then fill in your true sentiment about them, nothing false and dont say you will keep in touch because if that doesnt happen you will break that kid's heart all over again).

What this nanny did was wrong. But I have heard of employers who get mad over something ridiculous like a nanny asking for overtime for working for Saturday or an extra day off and after stewing about it, they fire the nanny, hand her a check and that's it. One nanny I know got a text message 30 minutes after she left the house on Friday (with her check thank G-D) and it said, "we no longer need your services as of today you are terminated. please do not call or come by". And what was the nanny's heinous transgression? After 18 months on the job, the person who watched her children was in an accident and couldn't watch her daughter for 2 days and so the nanny told the boss and asked her if she could bring her to work. The boss said, "I guess you'll have to". Keep in mind, if the nanny had personal days she could have stayed home. But yep, that is what she got fired for and she never got to say goodbye to the twin boys she took care of.

So if you want to appeal to nannies to do the right thing, as I did- how about we start discussing how often employers do not? Nannies have some power while they are working but once the employer is done with them, they are disposable. Doesn't it make you wonder what will become of a generation of children raised by disposable people. If the child thought they were loved by the nanny as they so often are, and then the love just disappears, what happens? What happens when the child expresses real emotion to his/her parents about missing the caregiver? I can tell you what- they don't care. They say awful things. If not immediately, then later on the child will re evaluate the times in their life they felt love and gave love and the loss they felt. Schweiberg or Swenburg, I dont know the spelling did a study on this. Focused on the sort of parents that were albeit ridiculously portrayed in the Nanny Diaries. The conclusion-some of these nannies are the only people the children feel they are loved by. They have cold and detatched parents that don't respond to their needs.

So you want a discussion, a topic- how about that?

Anonymous said...

So the nanny went back to work for her former employer? I missed that. There are so many comments on this thread. So, the nanny went back to work for her former employer and stole the ipod and other thing, and never said goodbye to the kids? What a rat.

mom said...

Yeah, I think I might just report the missing items to my insurance...which would likely cause the nanny to be questioned, posiibly by the police...and possibly at her new job. Stealing is uncalled for, and speaks to the general moral code of the nanny. If I were the new employer, I would certainly want to know how she left her last job...and that she steals. If the nanny feels she is somehow "owed" more than she received, then she can take her employer to court..but she cannot "go shopping" in the employer's home to "make up the difference."

Anonymous said...

Regardless of what and how OP was paying the nanny or anything else, it does not excuse what the nanny did. Leaving without notice and possibly stealing.

I am a nanny and I have to say, if you acccept a position at a certain pay scale, you should do the work you agreed to. If it turns out its not the position for you, do the right thing and tell the parents, give notice and leave properly.

marypoppin'pills☼ said...

Very good advice, Mom. Ipods and cameras are not cheap items to replace, and if this Mom chose to report it to the Insurance Company, the Nanny would most likely be investigated. That's not to say anything will become of it ... it's her word against the Employers, but maybe the new/former Employer will be on notice that she has a thief taking care of her children.
I am curious though ... what became of the daughter?

gina said...

mom and mary poppinz-
wake up from your daydream. no one is going to be investigated by an insurance company for a $200 ipod. do you know how much money an investigation would cost?

mom said...

One can only try and hope.

The combination of a video camera and iPod is likely in the $1000.00 range. Is that felony theft, or have they raised the limits?

Maybe the two ex-employers could show up at the police station together to fill out the very "oddly coincidental" identical theft reports? You never know what is or isn't going to get looked into. I think it's the luck of the draw someties. In any event, these two ladies names will likely get typed into a computer somewhere...and if future employers have the same types of complaints, it might eventually all add up against them.

cali mom said...

11:32, great post. People like the ones you describe should NOT be allowed to reproduce, but unforunately, a$$holes of all economic backgrounds are allowed to breed at will. And often grow up to produce more a$$holes.

marypoppin'pills☼ said...

Gina
Ipods range in price between $79.00 and $400.00 +
Cameras are usually $600.00 to well over $2,000.00
I smell 3rd degree Felony ... and yes, it's worth contacting your Insurance Company.

mpp said...

.... that's what you pay them for.

Anonymous said...

Punishable by 1 yr. in jail/$500.00 fine
up to 5 yrs./$5,000.00 fine.

Robbery/Theft should not be taken lightly.

Anonymous said...

Melanie,
Yes, work agreements are not legally binding, but hopefully they do help to address situations beforehand, and how each party will handle them.

As for nannies being fired on the spot - that is why nannies should insist on being paid legally.
If they are, they can go collect umemployment...
but unfortunately, many are illegal to begin with.

Bottom line- you want a nanny to act professional? Best bet is to hire a qualified, expeirenced, legal nanny.

Parents who have gotton burned-by nannies, please keep in mind- this is your childrens' childhood- invest wisely!!!!

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny that probably won't be very popular on here but I don't care. I am on time, Aways. I never call out sick, am almost always available on short notice to work extra days or late. My secret? My nanny job to me is just that, A JOB! I have always had a strong work ethic and when I chose to be a nanny as a second career I did so because I wanted to spend my days on the malls, in the zoo, in the park or at the beach instead of in a stuffy, corporate cubicle. My job description as a nanny requires me to be neat, upbeat, involved, attentive and active, and so I am. But it IS just a job and I do my job well. However, if an opportunity arose that offered me a significant improvemnt in pay or perks, I would leave this job in a heartbeat just as I left my last one. I would never leave with no notice because that is unprofessional but I might leave on short notice. My point is, in my 7 seven years as a nanny I have met or heard of nannies fired with NO notice because mom decided to stay home from work with the new baby, Dad got that big promotion and now mom can be a SAHM, in one case, the family inherited a large sum of money and mom could afford to quit. These 3 examples were all hardcore, dedicated nannies who gave their heart and soul to the families they were with and in the end, 2 got fired on a Friday, thanked and told their services are no longer required because.... One got fired mid week and got a weeks pay. Big deal. So, to me my nanny job is just a fun, enjoyable job and if a better opportunity comes along, I would leave just as I know if the mom was suddenly able to SAH I would be let go, most likely without a second thought or much notice. Not saying ALL people are like me, or like that but most are, they just won't admit it in this lily pure, PC world.

PS Theft is NEVER excusable.

Anonymous said...

1:02, why would you not be popular? you sound pretty sensible to me. It is a job after all, but like all jobs, if it is a really good one, your co-workers/employers become sort of family (sometimes better than family!)

Anonymous said...

1:02, why would you not be popular? you sound pretty sensible to me. It is a job after all, but like all jobs, if it is a really good one, your co-workers/employers become sort of family (sometimes better than family!)

Anonymous said...

Good for you 1:02

I couldn't agree more, with what you wrote.

§marypoppin'pills§ said...

1:02
I think I might be one of the posters here that you would be referring to in not being very popular with.
I think that children tend to become attached very easily to their main caregiver, it is only human nature. (Good) Nannies are fun, adventurous, exciting, caring, attentive ... and if they are treated properly and respected, can also become part of the Family. We know this doesn't happen often, but it happens.
However ... after reading your post, you could be the one exception. Although at first I felt you seemed a bit cold or harsh, as I read further I thought "no, she's just cognizant".
You know what your job is, you do it well, and I gather you are affectionate with the children ... but your not allowing yourself to get emotionally involved.
Am I correct?
In this case, you are protecting yourself, but the children are still getting what they need from you.
You sound very professional, and I'm happy that you have figured out what works best for you.

cali mom said...

1:02, that sounds reasonable to me also. Maybe parents forget that you really are NOT part of the family because you are so close to their children and because they see you so much. But you're on their payroll, therefore, it IS a job. And no matter how much you love your clients or coworkers or the cause that you are working for in ANY job, it IS your livelihood and your devotion to the particular job (ie kids) should not be taken advantage of by the employer. Even if they are paying you fairly, showing you sincere appreciation and respect, and providing good benefits, there has to be the realization that you are a person as much as them or their kids, with your own needs and freedom of choice, and if you want to leave, you have the right to. As long as it is done professionally, there should not be hard feelings.

Anonymous said...

1:02
You do sound like a good nanny. I wish I knew your secret for staying objective. I become too attached to the children, and of course all nanny jobs end eventually. I have cared for children from newborn until middle school age, and when the job ended it was heartbreaking. How do you do it?

Anonymous said...

10:53
I know it must be difficult for you, and I'm sorry. But don't think for a second that because it is, you are any less spectacular. I think children need that extra something from their caregiver/nanny, because they can't get it from mom and dad because they work all the time.