Thursday

I feel like my brother is getting the raw end of the deal...

Received Thursday, November 22, 2007-Perspective & Opinion
My brother and sister in law have employed the same nanny for 17 months. She is two months older than my sister-in law and five years younger than my brother. My sister in law had a baby 7 months ago and has a 3 year old. The nanny has been encouraging my sister in law to get back in shape and has been convincing her to go out with her for coffee and occasionally drinks with the nanny when the children are in bed. The nanny lives in five days a week and has her own marriage hanging by a thread. I think the nanny wants to drag my sister in law down with her. I am embarrassed for my brother when he is home while his wife is out gallivanting with the nanny. Every time I bring it up, my brother says that he is happy she got over her post pg depression. This nanny is affecting the way my sister in law dresses, even the activities she is involved in. She never played tennis before and now the two of them are always playing tennis. My brother played tennis in college and could never get her to play tennis. They left a short while ago and everything my sister in law said just has me enraged. All she could talk about were these bohemian activities that she has become involved with. The nanny is even into Kaballah and my sil was waxing philosophical about kaballah over turkey. It was just too much to take. What I want to know is how is this going to end? My sil works as a decorator and has an office at home, but I think she has worked on one very small project this year. The two of them spend their days together with the children. I feel like my brother is getting the raw end of the deal and being shut out- of his life. Am I overreacting?

82 comments:

LindaLou said...

MYOB. none of this is any of your concern. it sounds like everyone is happy, except you. get your own life.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like your SIL is enjoying herself. I think it's great she is friends with her nanny. You brother probably enjoys seeing his wife happy as she is probably more fun for him to be around to. I think you should be happy for all of them.

I'MsTUFFED! said...

nothing u mentioned sounds like a big deal so maybe you're leaving a lot out or maybe you're just jealous?

Anonymous said...

I actually think it's kind of sweet that your sister-in-law is out having some fun. And the stuff with the Kaballah... even though you may not approve, at least your sister in law finds it spirtually and emotionally fulfilling, so regardless of your disapproval over her "bohemian activies," you should let her be because she's happy.
And if your brother is upset over her spending so much time with the nanny, he should be the one to take it up with his wife. And as for you, while it's good that you're concerned, maybe you should try some tennis or a coffee date with your sil.

frmr nanny now a mom said...

oh my
fraternizing with the help
the shame, the horror!

Unless this nanny is gettin your sister in law involved in destructive or illegal behaviors, stay out of it.
That doesnt sound like its the case, so why do you care if she has developed a friendship with the nanny? Maybe this new relationship is just what each of them needed; the nanny to have a freind when her marriage is in trouble, and you sil to help her get past her post partum. I know I could have used a new buddy in those days.

Anonymous said...

IMO-yes, you are overreacting. Your Sister-in-law has a new friend who's encouraging her to have fun and try new things. None of the things you mentioned seem wrong or harmful, so what's the big deal? She's not neglecting the children, and her husband is happy about the change. As for her work, you say you *think* she has worked on one project, but you don't really know how much work she's done. Even if she's not working as much, that's not really any of your business.

So, if your brother feels like he is being shut out, he should deal with it. Until then, just leave them be. Perhaps you should take up a bohemian activity and leave your SIL and her new friend alone.

Anonymous said...

Snooty Sister-in-Law OP
Mind your own business.
Stay out of your brother's life.

Meme said...

You may not be overreacting; however, a little MYOB goes a long way.

Let bro know you are here for him and then butt out. Their marriage is none of your concern. Your brother can handle his own affiars.

Unless he asks for your help or SIL behaves in an inappropriate way in front of your children or something, you need to stay out of it.

sarah said...

op,
why do i imagine that your two niece/nephews are being treated like gold? isn't that what matters?
My son's best friend's parents had a bitter divorce when he was 10. He spent more and more time with us until 2 years ago when he began to live with us permanently. His mother called him from somewhere to wish him a happy thanksgiving but moaned about paying "10 dollars a minute" and cut the call to thirty seconds. You can never have enough good family or enough positive role models around your children.

Anonymous said...

Well, it seems I may be the only one agreeing with the OP so far. But maybe that's because I had a similar situation. And guess where their marriage is now? ... in the shit can. But still, there's nothing you can really do but tell your brother that you are there if he needs you and then leave it alone. Maybe SIL is lonely? Does hubby work alot of hours? There could be lots of reasons why she's latched onto the nanny. It's o.k. to make the nanny a part of the family, but the partying would make me nervous. You make no mention of how they are treating the kids - are they o.k.? If so, then give it a rest, but keep one eye open.

cali mom said...

So OP, you think this nanny is somehow tricking your SIL into playing tennis, socializing and pondering spirituality? And you are obsessed enough with your SIL's life to vent about it to a bunch of strangers but...you think it's your BROTHER that has a problem?

Yikes.

We need a nanny union said...

When you say they drink when the children are in bed I assume you mean at night? Not during their daytime nap?
Also, through all of this, are YOU the one being shut out? Are you maybe jealous that you were not the one chosen to have this close friendship with?
I agree with you, it's an interesting situation, but maybe you could become friends with the nanny too and she could help pull that stick out of your ass. I hope you don't have children of your own, because they'll become as close-minded as you are.

Anonymous said...

Dear,OP
I am new and have yet to get the lingo down..so be nice.
Just wanted to let you know that sometimes these suitations have a great outcome.In 1994 I went to work as a nanny for a great family with 2 boys.St.Patrick's Day 2007 the mom(my best friend in the world) was my matron of honor,her 13 year old gave me away,and her 11 year old was a usher at our wedding.The mom/best friend and I do everything together including sharing care for her two boys.We do everything from support each other through life's crap to sipping martinis on a fun filled girl's night.
I know I am getting a wee bit sappy but this family means the world to me. They entered my life at the same time my rotten biological family was making an exit. I'M THANKFUL!

emily said...

I agree with most of the other poster's answer to your question: yes, you're overreacting. But, guess what, that's ok. Changes in people whom we're close with, good or bad, should be things you notice, and if you think they're not positive, or don't affect your loved ones positively, then it makes sense for you to be concerned.

The important thing is that you put things into perspective. Reading (between the lines of) your post, I can't help but feel that a) you don't like this nanny and b) you don't completely trust your sister-in-law. That's ok, we can't really help how we feel and often seemingly irrational feelings are really based on something you're picking up on subconciously. Women's intuition, right?

Bottom line is, you can't do anything about this situation, since you've already addressed the issue with your brother. Accept that you can't change things with this family and be prepared to help your brother and his children if problems arise in this marriage.

happynanny said...

Wow I see one MAJOR case of MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS here.

I mean my gosh, so the the mother is FINALLY having some fun and this is supposed to be a BAD thing?

As for her "bohemian" activities *snort* tennis and evening drinks? I would have to say that it just sounds to me like she's just getting back into "life". Nothing wrong with that.

YOU however need a healthy dose of reality and to get your nose out from over that garden fence.

Anonymous said...

I think you are overreacting: do not take on your brother's problems as your own: if he needs your advice he will ask. Unless they are having an affair (the nanny and your SIL) let them be! Having coffee, playing tennis or having a glass of wine after the kids are asleep is hardly "gallavanting." And the fact that the nanny's marriage is "hanging on by a thread" is not only irrelivant, it is none of your business.
As the other posters have said,
"MYOB!"

Anonymous said...

What a nosy, self-important sister-in-law. Her husband probably is controlling.

Sarah said...

It really sounds like the nanny and the sister-in-law are finding things to connect over. It is a good thing that she is getting into activities that make her feel good, despite what you think. If it was drugs or drinking ALL the time or something, that's one thing. But from what you wrote, it seems like the nanny was trying to encourage her emotionally and trying to get her back on her feet after the baby was born.

You said your brother was fine for it, and happy she wasn't experiencing PPD anymore? Then, that's it. Back off and quit being a busybody, your opinion in their household is not welcome, or at least won't be, if you try to break everybody up.

Anonymous said...

How about: The hubby is fine with his wife and the nannys relationship because after they all tuck the kiddies in at night, it's time for THEIR extracurricular activities. And don't say it ain't possible - cuz honey, (tee-hee), it is!

Anonymous said...

You are overreacting a little bit, but I give you credit for acknowledging the changes in your SIL behavior. But as long as she is happy and doing good things and having a good time and your brother is okay..then don't worry about it. Start caring if the behavior becomes distructive..which it's not. A parent and her nanny connecting is a very good thing. They have fun..so what. Don't try to fix something that isn't broke.

Anonymous said...

Cali mom, for once, is right on. You, OP, are a major league loser.

Anonymous said...

Well this is a twist - the mom is having an affair with the nanny!! Just kidding. So far what you have posted seems harmless enough. If your brother isn't complaining, then keep your concerns to yourself. You should keep your eyes open though, you never know, your SIL could run away with the nanny.

frmr nanny now a mom said...

5:13
Yes!
That's how my brain works!
haha

mom said...

I have a nosey sister in law who thinks it is her job to "fix" everybody else. Even when they profess to be perfectly happy she finds fault in their lives and harps on endlessly to them, and anybody else who will listen, about what changes they need to make. What finally happened is my that husband refuses to see her except at occasions where the whole family gathers, and she is not welcome in our home.
Don't be that girl. Your brother is a big boy now. And I'll bet if you look hard enough you can find plenty of things that need fixed in your own life to keep you amused for a very long time. (Not intended to insult you. I only mean that we all have probalems to deal with, and sometimes we are able to ignore those by focusing our attention outward onto others instead of at ourselves. Just something to think about....)

Anonymous said...

The OP reminds me of a friend, whom I invited over for the first time, and she looked around my house and said, this could be a really nice place with a little fixin' up! The point being is I was fine with it and had no problems... until she found some.

mom said...

12:31AM
Your friend was fine with your house too. She was most likely jealous and wanted to bring you down so she would feel better about heself or her own house. I'll bet if you think abut it there are a lot of times that same friend has "accidentally" said things that were sort of insulting but you chalked up to "foot in mouth?"

Anonymous said...

OP - you need to mind your own business.
Should your SIL be locked in her home? Is it that she is friends with "the help"? Or maybe she is just unworthy of your brother's love......

Thank heavens your SIL has someone to get her out of the house.

And where were you when she was suffering from PPD?

your supervisor said...

so many employers can't stand the site/smell/sound of their nannies. This obvious regard your sil has for her nanny is going to help your children grow up to be civilized people!

PS being a snob has nothing to do with being wealthy and everything to do with being ignorant and lacking class.

jmarhar said...

I agree with pretty much everyone here, myob! Its their life, not yours. If you feel you really just can't shut up, voice your opinion to your brother once, then drop it, its up to him to do with that opinion as he pleases.

Anonymous said...

This is SO not any of your business!

Get a life of your own, OP! What a jerk you are to assume that you know better how your brother should live his life than he does.

Anonymous said...

Um ... could we please not put photos on the blog? It takes longer for it to load. We don't care about how you look, just your opinion.

jmarhar said...

i didn't put the photo on there, it just popped up!?

Anonymous said...

Playing tennis and having drinks after the kids are in bed is classic upper middle class wasp, so what are the "bohemian" activities you are worried about? I'm looking for some new experiences. TIA

Meme said...

12:49:

It takes longer to load? Are you still using dial-up because even on my 4 year old desktop (as opposed to my new notebook)the comments load instantaneously...even with pics.

Anonymous said...

meme
Yes, I have broad-band, super-duper speed. And by slow, I mean 5 seconds. Without pics, it takes 1 sec. Maybe I'm just an ass? lol
Jmarhar,
All you have to do is click "other" and write in your name. The google/blogger just does it for you and adds your pic. Just a thought?
;)

Anonymous said...

where do u get off telling other people how to post? I suggest you upgrade your dinosaur (or cheap) computer, or at the very leat defrag and elim. old/redund. files so your comp. runs faster. I can't stand people who bit*h about seeing my blog for that very reason! If you don't like the way it loads- that's YOUR problemo hunny, get over it/fix it or shut your trap.

Anonymous said...

6:27
Just so you know, I operate a brand new Dell E510 Microsoft Windows XP MCE SP2 Intel Pentium 4 CPU 3.00GHz 2.99 GHz, 1.00 GB of RAM.
I was teasing jmarhar, and if you couldn't tell that, maybe you could stand a class or two in 'mind yo' damn business'.
Thanks!

Busted! said...

HaHa - Is that you "tammie" ??
Why don't you go find yourself a man!!

Anonymous said...

6:27/tammie/whoever the hell you are!
maybe they don't like your blog cuz it's BORING!

Anonymous said...

that IS a reallllllllllly crappy computer! Dell is the worst brand out there at this point right next to Emachines.Your RAM is waaay too low first of all and if it was brand new it wouldn't have windows XP- they haven't sold any with that in months.

And if u don't want ppl in your business then maybe don't post it in a public forum!

Your welcome.

meme said...

"Busted"

You sure are- glad you agree.

There's hope, I suggest lots of plastic surgery if you can afford it....

If not, there's always a paper bag...

Anonymous said...

jmarhar
I was only teasing you, and I apologize to (only) you, if you couldn't tell, ok? I didn't mean to come off to (only) you, as an ass.
;)
- 6:49

Anonymous said...

meme
piss off you old buggar. Who asked you? I guess that means you want to gang up with your ol' classy pal from the other blog that kept insulting you the other night, cuz that's who that is.
When you sleep with dogs ...

Anonymous said...

6:57
What business you talking about you old dinosaur?

Anonymous said...

meme
what made u turn and get into this? what's your deal?

Anonymous said...

6:57
Not a crappy computer. Dell is one of the best out there. I did alot of research before I purchased mine and was told by many that it was. I only use it for recreational purposes and it serves my needs, and then some. Why are you so angry? Is your marriage in trouble because your on your crappy computer all the time or something?

Anonymous said...

if a 1/2 inch pic slows down your load you have a sh*tty computer. Dell has HUGE mark ups and payments plans by the way, much like rent-a-center furniture as it is marketed to lower middle class who can't afford any other option.

Anonymous said...

7:40
I paid cash, thank you. Not rent-to-own like you do your man. My computer is not slow. It was a joke, for the 3rd time, you moron!

Anonymous said...

Riiiightttt. IF you say so hunny!

Oh, and I don't need to rent to own a man lmao- but you seem to have a LOT of experience with that sort of thing, I guess you know a lot about it hm? As you don't even know who I am- your attempt to "burn" is pathetic- why don't you go try to rent to own a life? Yea- good idea!

PS jokes are funny or ironic by definition- not a pathetic excuse after the fact.

OP said...

OP here. Well my brother is in my guest room as we speak. He returned home from poker night early last night and walked in on the two of them. He couldn't figure out where everyone was- kids asleep, house silent- he ventured to the downstairs office and walked in on them naked and drunk. His wife had the gall to try and entice him to join in- he was disgusted and showed up at my door around midnight.I KNEW something was off!!!! NOW WHAT?

frmr nanny now a mom said...

I call bullshit

I think you are full of it.

I suppose its not totally impossible, but its awfully convenient that as soon as everyone starts bashing your post they are suddenly walked in on hooking up

je ne believe you pas

Anonymous said...

5:13 here !

I called it didn't I? I knew they were gettin' it on. Wow, so what is your brother going to do now? Tell his wife that she must fire the nanny if she wants to save her marriage.

frmr nanny now a mom said...

ps.

if its true, your brother should've joined them

Anonymous said...

that wasn't the OP

Meme (the real one) said...

Here we go again. Meme at 6:59 is NOT me. I was gone all day at a family function. Sorry to anyone who bought into the imposter.

OP said...

FIRST if all- my brother and I are very close. SECONDLY- you don't know the whole story so a lot of what you respond to is based on your own assmpptions- I obviously can't type down every single fact as this is a post- not a book! He's VERY much in love with his wife who is VERY in love with their nanny apparently. She told him that. He's heartbroken and will take her back in a second but it seems that she doesn't want him anymore. I hope to hell she wises up- he's the best thing that ever happened to her.

Anonymous said...

I knewwwwwwwwwwwwww it!

NotMemeLOL said...

You can't trust nannies these days...

Anonymous said...

8:11
My attempt to burn? Are you serious? You do not have one kind word for anyone on this board. You are not a pleasant human being, you get off on hunting down and hurting other peoples feelings, you are a hypocrite and a predator. And you are probably the same person stealing other peoples ID and posting offensive remarks to make them look bad.
You must be a really lonely person.

LindseyLohan said...

I feel bad for him awwwww. too sad. I guess the OP was right for being nosey cause wheres the bro at now? his sisters house.

PerezSays said...

This is just crazy! Like Days of Our Lives!

ANTMfanatic said...

ANONYMOUSNESS Posts make this board VERRRRYYYY confusing!

Meme (still the real one) said...

OP, with all due respect, we commented on the inforamtion YOU gave us. You cannot fault us for that.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure if JD was so inclined, she could probably check the URLs of posters if things got too defamatory.
Some posters need to stop stealing other peoples monikers and posing as them and stirring the pot up.

SaraInSF said...

interesting... I'm not aware that any author of a Blogger powered blog is able to do any such thing as I have several- and there is no way to find out that kind of information. It's too bad though- I guess thems the breaks when you use a public blog site instead of a private one.

George Bush said...

The ONLY way to ensure your name isn't taken is to sign up for a real account in google/blogger and sign in- have your avatar displayed. Otherwise- u have nothing to complain about- you don't own ANY name u choose on here.


:P

cali mom said...

Meme, those who pay attention here knew that wasn't really you.

OP, what a load of shit, but thanks for the laughs! If I thought for a minute that your story had been true now that you added the punch line, I'd say that your comment about being "very close" to your brother suggested incest, which would explain your angry obsession with his wife's social habits. But of course since you made it all up, that's not true either.

THE REAL OP said...

I am the OP of this blog and I am emailing this comment to JD from the same email I sent her the P&P question, so she will know. I most certainly did not post earlier. My brother did not walk in on them and I never suggested it was a sexual thing. I do agree that it is not my business. I felt offended for the sake of my brother who was always working and I felt he was getting left out of things, including things the nanny and my sil do during the day-that almost make it seem like they are raising the children together. I have not spoken to my brother, nor will I- having received the overwhelming advice that this is not my business.

Jane Doe said...

This comment at 9:42 did in fact come from the same person who submitted the original post.

cali mom said...

Real OP, sounds like you've been played by the same loon poster who has taken mine, Meme's and mom's identities before. THAT person needs some shrinkage!

ro said...

Perhaps the stalker is back? And this is how he/she/it acts out his/her psychotic and aggressive behaviors?

Effeminate men are very catastrophically dangerous. You meet a man who writes like a woman and has sissy stationary, I am telling you- run for the hills.

8:40 said...

Amen Cali mom ...
and if you read this whole post over, you'll see the same characteristics of the writer who's been bashing everyone, in this post and in last nights (attacking mom especially), and I'm sure they are the one who's to blame for all of this. Too bad they are anonymous. Coward.

Anonymous said...

ro
I commend all of you for being brave enough to use your monikers. I had to put mine on the shelf for awhile ... these attacks are egregious.

Meme said...

Cali Mom...thanks. I would hope most knew that was not me.

10:04...I did the same thing for a while then started with a new one. It is easier to be anonymous, but it just made more sense to use a moniker, to me.

Anonymous said...

meme
You, cali mom, mom, emily and ro usually have distinctive writings. Only occasionally am I taken off guard. But still, I think all of you do a good job on here and I enjoy reading your comments.
- 10:04

anoymous1 said...

Posting as someone else is very sleazy. These people, as there could be more than one, are sleazy.

mom said...

The bashing offended me a lot at first, but in the end it has actually helped me learn to brush off baseless insults and forget them almost instantaneously. Some people are truly not worth the time or effort it would take to muster up anger over. Seeing some of the hateful, stupid crap that comes acorss this board has proven that in spades.
I suspect this will help me have a bit of thicker skin and better perspective in the "real world" as well. Although most people who act this way are so cowardly that they do it only anonymously on the computer, there are still a few out there "live." Next time I encounter one of them in public I will smile and think to myself, "I think I recognize you from ISYN."

So those of you out there who are angry and bitter enough to hurl stupid, petty insults at total strangers...knock yourselves out. Oh, and thanks.

mom said...

And thank you 10:40.

I hadn't realized cali mom has an imposter too. I had wondered at times if she might. That explains a lot.

marypoppin'pills said...

Yep. This is a new moniker for me, too. I stopped using my other name because it just gets to be too much around here sometimes. I know who the real people are, and theirs is the only opinion that matters.

cali mom said...

Mom, that only happened once with my handle, I think. But I guess I was the first one to be so honored :)

Anonymous said...

...m kay...*shrugging*

Anonymous said...

IMHO, MYOB!

You seem very snobby about the whole thing...

OMG! The help and she are friends...

ugh... it is people like you I refuse to work for... :)

It seems as if you like to act more wealthy than you are for effect, and being friends with the help isn't part of your game, if you were truely "wealthy" you wouldn't be such a snob about help...