Received Friday, July 13, 2007
At about 2:30 PM, I was at a Phoenix Target in the dressing room when I heard this woman in another room yelling at her (?) kid. "You smell so bad. Smell this. Your underwear is disgusting. You don't care, do you. LOOK AT ME! You don't care, do you. You're disgusting." The boy didn't seem to say much that applied to what she was saying to him. She continued on yelling at him for misbehaving and so on. Then I heard a loud thud against the door. The kid didn't cry out or anything, but I realized I was the only other person in there, and I should probably alert a Target employee.
There were two girls standing at the Dressing room counter and their radios were going off like crazy. It was hard to get their attention. The younger of the two took interest first. "I think a woman in there is abusing her child... not like sexually, like physically and verbally. She keeps yelling at him, degrading him, and then I heard a loud thud and she may have hurt them.... maybe you should come listen."
I was still wearing the shirt that I was trying on, so I went back to my dressing room to change back to my normal clothes. The woman was still yelling at the kid. I heard a few things, what sounded like slaps to me... probably three or four times.
I went out to the front desk and they were talking to security on the phone. The older of the two women (probably in her 50's) seemed apathetic to what was going on. The younger girl was trying to figure out if there was anything that we could do. She was the one that was listening in on me.
As the younger Target employee and I were talking, she said to me "here she comes" and the woman walked out of the dressing room with the boy behind her. The boy was covering his face with his arm. The woman stared me straight in the eyes, the meanest, evil stare I have ever seen. I think she knew that I was trying to help the kid... I think she was Mexican, I think the boy was white. She had black hair and a slight, slight, slight accent. She looked to be in her 40's - She had piled her hair on top of her head and she had a mark on her face... The boy looked white, with a buzz cut and he was chubby. Probably nine or ten. It was hard to see any real facial expressions since he was covering his face with his arm.
The target employee was telling me before the woman and the boy came out that there was nothing they could do unless security, or an employee saw it happen. Doesn't that seem ridiculous? Who exactly are they defending here? Are they just trying not to get sued?
The employee kept telling me that "I could confront the woman." But after the woman stared me down like that, I don't know... I just felt like she was downright dangerous.
I've seen an instance of slight child abuse this before in a Target, where the Mom wouldn't let her three-ish year old son go to the bathroom, and he was crying he had to go so bad. I didn't say anything to her, either.
What should I have done in this situation? I am a Nanny, seeing that has made me sick to my stomach, I just feel so bad for that boy and I am outraged at Target for not doing anything.
31 comments:
oh god, this is aweful.
i really hope that the mother see's this.
OP. You did every thing right. Thank you for trying to get involved and for contacting the store. You are brave. Also I appreciate that you didn't state outright that you knew whether this child was her child or her nephew or her charge. No assumptions. Just facts.
The problem is that Target has no legal way to confront this woman, they are just like you, except that they did not even hear what was going on. If they had confronted her directly they would probably have had a law suit do deal with. The security gaurd is just an employee of Target, not a police officer.
You probably should have called the police right away. It is horrible that this happened, but that is all you could do. If they could not get there fast enough, follow her out to the parking lot and take down her plate number. Also, ask the boy if he is ok. Don't confront her if she seems dangerous though. You don't know what she could do.
OH, lets jump down this Nanny's throat for describing this woman as "Mexican",,
don't you all think she should have just said darker skin hispanic woman,,
OMG!! Is she an expert too at nationalities..
Come on your bloggers that don't have anything better to do than tear down someone's description. Lets get going on this one here, and rip her to shreds because she dared to say that the woman LOOKED MEXICAN instead of saying Hispanic,,
How dare she narrow it down to one race.....
Actually, Mexicans prefer to be called Mexicans. If you had any Mexican friends, you'd know that.
Listen Asshat,
Phoenix used to BE MEXICO.
Viva La Raza.
-4th Generation AMERICAN of 100 percent Mexican descent
1036, it seems to me you have nothing to offer here other than the race card. And your vulgarity. Who cares, really? Hispanic, Mexican, whatever. Same to me, and I'm sure to a lot of other people.
Somebody stop the insanity, 10:14 was just begging for a reaction...way to give her one guys! Some people thrive off of drama, chill and ignore it. Now back to the issue at hand.
This really is heart breaking...unfortunately in this day and age you practically have to video tape an incident with 20 witnesses in tote to get any one in power to react and take action. I witnessed a similar scenario years back (only I actually witnessed the woman hit the child) and the company STILL said there was nothing they could do because THEY hadn't seen it. Grrr. Next time maybe you can follow her out to her car (if there is any way to hide and be sneaky) and take down her license plate for CPS??? This is a hard one, and it sounds like you just might have done as much as you possibly could without putting yourself in harm!
Yes. Thank you.
In Phoenix, you find Mexicans. As 10:36 was right- Phoenix used to be Mexico. The population is not 44 percent Hispanic. It is 44 percent Mexican American.
Moving on.
OP-excellent sighting.
Thank you for leaving your dressing rooom and trying. You were right not to confront her. She probably would have just taken it out on the child.
I'm going to ignore the race "issue" here because the truth is that I've seen some WHITE nannies (and mothers) behaving just as horribly as some Latina nannies do! So let's get over the racial aspect and pay attention to what really matters--the safety of the CHILD.
The best thing to do is to follow the offending nanny when she leaves the store and take down her license when she gets into her car. Chances are the car may even belong to her employer, which will make the whole process more direct. Then contact your local police, make a report of exactly what you saw, where and when, give them the license number and let THEM do the rest. Since you did not actually witness physical abuse, the police may or may not decide to contact CPS. They may just contact the nanny OR her employers, depending on who the license belongs to.
Also, the Target management should have been more involved and helpful. I don't care if they're worried about being sued. There was a child being verbally abused in their store. They should have DONE SOMETHING!
There is no RACE issue. This blog relies on physical descriptions. For example, a few days back I saw a nanny described as Hispanic-probbably from Peru.
There is nothing wrong with being Mexican. There is shame in abusing any child. Whether it is your child or someone elses.
I do agree with 1223 that Target could have done more. That is the problem isn't it? Everyone is worried about getting sued or being inconvenienced. Meanwhile the child is getting thudded in to the door!
Right on 12:27!........there is no race issue........a description HAS to be given in order to validate the sighting......there is nothing wrong with the word Mexican. To the OP.....please, don't beat yourself up over this. You did everything you could given the situation. That woman knew something was up and I PRAY to God she gets FIRED and that poor boy gets help......or a LOVING Nanny......'Hopefully BOTH!
It is very sad when people hit children, especially in a public place, since we all know that the child probably gets it a lot worse at home. Unfortunately, the U.S. has no laws against hitting children. The law states that hurting a child only becomes illegal if a mark/bruise is left on the child. Thus, unless the OP saw a bruise or mark on this child, calling the cops would be useless in this case. OP - thank you for being concerned about a child's welfare, and for doing what you could in this case. I, too, get upset when I witness this sort of behavior with adults and children.
Hey everyone, this is the OP.
I left a few details out about what had happened. When I wrote it I was flooded with emotion and this was simply a blog post to my own blog, and i saw your nanny found it, and asked my permission to post it. I was reluctant at first, but then realized if it could somehow help the child, then I am more than glad to try.
I don't think that the woman was a nanny. I think she was possibly the permanent caregiver, mother, foster parent? The reason I say this is because of the way she spoke to him. She kept saying something about "learning to button his pants" and how he has to learn someday that "everybody has to do it." Of course she was screaming this at him. I don't know much about the child, because he remained so quiet and emotionless during this whole ordeal, which is, in a way, too bad. I think the target employees would have had more initiative to help the child had he been more emotional about it.
The woman, when she came out of the dressing room, got right up in my face... and I mean inches away, I felt personally threatened. I know it was unspoken, but I think she knew what I was doing there. I was shaking in my shoes, but I did not break eye contact or "back down." I think if I would have say something, she would have downright punched me in the face... or followed me home. I guess better me than the kid. I looked the boy over to make sure I couldn't see any marks, but he was covering the majority of his face with his arm. The woman then stormed out of the store.
The younger of the target girls followed me into the dressing room when I first alerted them of a problem. She listened wide-eyed and was trying to do something, but kept telling me "if I say anything, I will get in trouble." I kept asking her to call security, for them to come over there, and they wouldn't. That's what upsets me the most. I understand they're target employees... but this was important, this could have broken out into a fight and there were only two petite women besides myself...
Regardless of Targets low ethical standards, my heart and prayers are going out to that little boy. Thanks for all reading. Maybe the woman is a nanny and hopefully the mother suspects something, hopefully she reads this. Or if she is the mother, hopefully she is now aware of her actions, but I don't have much faith that it will stop.
OP I am glad you chose to post this. Unfortunately, you have illuminated the problem. Who do you call? Who will help? Who will jump in? In the Target store, both the clerk and the security guard would have much more authority than you. If you choke on your gum in Target, it is their responsibility, but if you beat your kid- it's okay?
What a shame.
Don't beat yourself up OP.
I would have gladly taken a punch to the face if it got that woman arrested. But I am more physically intimidating than most women, so she might not have dared. The way I have been feeling lately about abusers, she might have found herself unconscious and I'd have been arrested. Good for you OP that you stared her down.
"You are what you do when it matters." - author John Steakley
A quote to live by.
"But I am more physically intimidating than most women"
---Do tell, JMT!
As for Target's "low ethical standards", I guess that's one more reason not to shop at there.
Thanks for the update OP. This is terrible.
I don't know if I could have held my tongue with this woman and I'd like to think, at the very least, would have gotten the store manager to report the unbelievable non-help you got, but who knows that would have actually occured to me in the moment.
It seems you did what you could and at least, it seems the woman clearly knew you heard her. Maybe that will help, but unfortunately, probably not.
Good posting and good try for getting help anyway!
This is a horrible story, and my heart aches that that child. I believe this woman committed a crime in that dressing room. Child abuse is a crime. How shameful that the Target Store Employees felt they couldn't do something, as there was one who heard the commotion. Do not think that this won't happen again. If she is prone to such displays in public, one can only imagine what she is capable of behind closed doors.
why are you so outraged at target for not doing anything when you yourself wouldn't say a thing... a security guard cant walk up to a customer saying someone "THINKS" you were abusing your child... they are a business and saw nothing themselves
8:22 - what are you talking about? the OP already explained that she didn't feel safe to confront the abusive woman. a security guard is phsyically capable to provide security so obviously they are most the appropriate people in the store.
Well said, Lorenza. It is frightening to think what she is like at home.
Wow.
First Target lets a woman be stalked in the store and says nothing and she ends up dead.
Then they let a child be abused in the store. I hope this case turns out better then the other one.
Don't worry about what you did. You tried, and that's all that matters. I feel for the employee too, if she was young she was probably scared and confused. This is what security should be there for.
I swear I would have broken that door down to see what was happening... but thats because I never think before I act in these cases.
You were right to keep quiet for your own safety, and the boy. Sometimes when someone is confronted about child abuse the child suffers more as "punishment" for "letting" people find out.
Stories like this make me wonder how people can call a simple spank on the bottom child abuse.
This poor boy...
Did you know, 201, that heroes rarely think about their actions, they just take them?
maybe if you had told the employees that you thought the woman was trying to shoplift something they would have gotten the security there and then THEY would have witnessed the whole thing.. eh?? whatcha think?? my brother actually confronted a man in a store once for yanking and pulling his son around by the arm, and 'sacrificed' his nose for the kid, but was then able to call the police because the man assaulted him, and he mentioned the abuse to the police, not sure of the outcome but I know they investigated.
im sorry but you should be ashamed of yourself for not doing anything!!!!! i dont care how that woman looked at you, you should have either followed her out of the store and got her license plate number or got on your cell phone and called the police!! you just let her leave??? what the heck??? when it comes to the SAFETY and WELL BEING of a child, i (as a nanny) dont care how big or scary someone looks! im sorry but to me you let that little boy down!
You should call the police.... they would be able to do the most.... If you have a phone, you just call 911, and when they pick up, mention that you would like to call in an instance of child abuse. You don't have to say anything to the parent, or nanny, and you don't want to. If they are treating the child that badly, you don't want to risk the caregiver treating them worse as a result of your interference. But you HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!! No child deserved to be punished.
12:58
I would never follow, or stalk a woman storming out to her car. Especially after she knew what I was up to. I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I did the most I could without getting the boy lashed out on later that night (for my actions.)
You live in a dream world if you think that CPS would take action over one report. It takes numerous, and I mean numerous accounts of abuse. Not just one instance.
I will NOT let you bully me and tell me I should be ashamed of myself. I am not. There is certainlly more that I wish I could have done, but there wasn't. You should be ashamed of YOURSELF for judging my actions.
You should NOT be ashamed of yourself.
YOU didn't let the boy down. The woman abusing him let him down. You shouldn't put yourself in danger. And besides that, I don't know how many times I've reported child abuse and NOTHING has been done. You really are in a dream world if you think cops run out to child abuse calls.
Well at this point I am slightly ashamed to say I work at this exact Target. I just started about two months ago it seems like right after this happened. I know of the older woman u speak of in the post but I would like to get some more information about the incedent and look into why nothing happened and speak to my security about it. Im outraged that the employees did nothing if they heard what was going on. At the very least call security to the situation. I will be bringing this up and finding out the reasoning for it. It seems if we can have someone escorted out the store fot bothering us or our guests we should be able to step in when needed.
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