Received Friday, May 11, 2007
There are three parks I favor with my children. It never fails that as the weather gets warm and I purchase ice cream, water or the like for myself or my child I end up buying the same treat for the child/charge of a nanny. Why am I continually put in this position? If you can't trust your nanny with petty cash, especially on a warm, muggy day- what is she doing caring for your child? It's pretty humiliating for the nanny, I would say. I know some of you parents might not KNOW what happens on a playground, but perhaps you should spend an afternoon with your child and learn the ropes. Learn a little bit about playground etiquette. Treat your nanny with a little bit more respect. Toss her some change so she can buy herself a soda.
62 comments:
I work part-time so some days I take my son to the playground and some days he goes with his nanny.
I do give the nanny petty cash regardless of the weather, and I never ask her exactly what she spends it on. I wouldn't mind if she bought herself a soda or an ice cream or whatever and of course I don't mind if she buys a treat for my son (though I pack water for him when they leave).
I don't see how this is an issue of etiquette though: the nanny should bring the money or the provisions she and her charge needs (even if it's a matter of asking the parent to provide these). If the nanny is unprepared in this regard, she's not a very good nanny.
a lot of nannies work for meisers. they are sent to the park with water bottles (probably full of tap water) and fruit roll ups. Of course that is a great snack most of the time, but so many times everyone else around is having a treat and the children of the nannies look pathetic. I have seen nannies look mortified and embarassed as their charges cried and sometimes begged. It is the employer's obligation to send their nanny out- regardless of where they are going- with cash. Emergencies come up! What if they needed to cab back home? OP brought up a good point, walk a day in your nanny's shoes. Then you might have a better idea of how you would want the job done and what is okay. I love to sit and gab with my mom and nanny friends. And our children are watched like hawks (and sorry nasty manny- but always dressed!)
I definitely agree that parents need to provide petty cash for their nannies, no question.
However, some parents don't want their kids eating ice cream and would much rather their nanny brind a packed snack from home. This doesn't make them meisers.
I don't have a problem playing at the park with my charges while other kids are around eating ice cream. Just because someone else has a treat doesn't mean my kids need one, and I think they benefit from being reminded of that occasionally. The opposite is true as well, I don't really feel bad if my kids are having a treat and others around them aren't.
Ahhh.....do I love and adore my nanny. She lays out the money and I give it back at day's end. If she's short, which only happened once, she lets me know and I give her the $ in advance. We do everything this way -- pizza day, ice cream, the zoo, the garden, whatever. Everyone is happy. Today she cried when I slipped her a gift for caregivers day. She definitely deserved it because she's a gem.
I have to agree with annie on this. My charges don't throw a fit if they see other children getting ice cream at the park, we always bring snacks with us...if the day is going well I tell them maybe we will go to the ice cream store later or I tell them to ask mom or dad and maybe they will get to go out for some in the evening or on the weekend. We don't need anyone 'buying' us ice cream, we can buy our own, on our own time, thank you very much.
It becomes an etiquette issue when you have promised your children ice cream at the playground today. They run into a friend and play together. You ask the nanny if it is ok for her charge to have ice cream, and if she says she doesn't have money for it, you say my treat, because it would be rude for your charges to eat it in front of their friend.
My employer gives me $20 that I keep separate from my own money. When it is low, I let her know. She also provides a metro card to use whenever I take my charges on the bus. As children get older, more things come up that you need some cash for, snacks, art supplies etc. I would hate to have to ask every time, or have to account for how I spend it.
A Nanny
10;16-
your nanny probably cried because you are a shrew. why on earth would the nanny (a working class person) have to lay out her money for you? Because you are petty and cheap!
The nerve!
You think you do something special by reimbursing the nanny for expenses she occurs in caring for your children?
You're an ass.
My nanny has her own credit card with her name on it. No one uses it by her. She is responsible for all of the charges on the card.
In 3 years, I have never had a problem-ever. Additionally, we keep petty cash in a drawer.
Some of you are so damn tight.
You are disgusting meisers. We know who you are.
Tight people are not good people.
Some parents are very cheap. But only when it comes to giving the nanny money for the kids. For some reason they think the nanny will spend the money on herself, but all you have to do is ask the kids what they had as snacks. My boss is very selfish. I love her kids as my own, get them gifts at Xmas and birthdays and in the 7 years I have worked for her she has never even wished my son a happy birthday (yes she knows him very well) and yes it hurts. Especially when my other friends tell me the stuff their employers buy for their kids on their birthdays and Xmases. I feel so bad. But yet I contiune to love her kids like my own and do right by them. Yet everyday people continue to criticise nannies saying all are bad. I too am from the Caribbean we are not all bad, we just try to make a living not because were not qualified to do anything better, but because we do what we have to to survive, and because parents know this they abuse their authority. Please treat us as you would like us to treat your children. Were not asking for undying love, just down to earth respect and understanding.
Annie,
I can understand your comments on this. I can't imagine that you would work for parents that did not respect you. My experience is somewhat similiar. My child goes to a morning preschool program. When it is nice, we like to stop at the park on the way home and let the children play and have lunch. The other children get wind of this and they too want to stop. But when the other children buy lunch, they are sitting there starving. And this isn't something you plan in advance. This is spur of the moment waiting to pick up, standing around and one mom or nanny suggests it and a few of us go over. It would be nice if your nanny had a mere $10 on her so she could buy herself and your child a little something. I have heard stories-believe me. I have seen some awful nannies but I have also heard some awful employer stories. The very idea of anyone who employs a nanny and send their child to the preschool my child goes to (more expensive than many college tuitions) and balks at the notion of keeping lenders bagels and cream cheese on hand for the nanny is just apalling! The reason some of these nannies put up with this treatment is because their love for your children is obvious.
Please, take a second and evaluate your nanny. Read some of the posts on here. Ask yourself if you can ever envision your nanny behaving in some of these negative manners. If the answer is no, then show your nanny some appreciation! It's so nouveau riche and gauche to treat people the way some of these nannies are treated. Normal and confident people don't go out of their way to "keep the man down".
Don't you think that these parents are actually doing a disservice to their children? The nannies who are hands on with the children, always have petty cash on hand and are known by other mothers.
The nannies that are not "trusted" to be advanced cash are those that make up the bad nanny possees.
I would most definitely want my nanny to connect with other good nannies and mothers at the park and that would mean socializing with the positive pack. Power of the pack. I know one nanny in particular who has been with one family for seven years. If I don't have enough cash on me, she gets something for my dd and it goes the other way too.
I think one of the reasons that you have such bad nannies is because some nannies are segregated. Alot of that has to do with the way they are set up by their employers. Which is really- quite a shame.
How is it cheap, Jesus? It's not like she's not getting the money hous after she lays it out. Seeing as though it was HER SUGGESTION to do it this way, I think YOU are the ass. I love my nanny and she loves me. We are both very lucky. Get over it.
ps: I also like Annie's way of thinking here.
This post is mildly ridiculous.
Why does this mom pay for the kids of other people? That is her choice and she has no right to complain about it. Take care of your own kids. If a nanny forgot to pack a snack for their kids or doesn't have any money, whatever the reason, it's pointless to speculate as to why this is.
And yes, many parents are cheapskates. And yes, some parents don't want their kids to have sweets: we don't feed them to our daughter.
Oh who cares this blog is so retarded. Lets break it down. No one told you to buy anything for anyone. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you are being played? Shes taking advantage of you. You're a nice person because after the 3rd day I would told her to get a new job if shes broke all the time. And as for parents for being cheap. Yes that is true to a certain extent. Some parents don't like their children having all of that crap. I would be pissed if I found out my nanny was giving my kids ice cream EVERYDAY. Not to mention that things like that add up. Its not being cheap its being money and health smart. Why would I want to give my nanny an extra $20 for crap that is going to cost me $1500 to get fixed when my kid has a cavity, when she could use that extra $20 for something fun like a trip to a museum or new art supplies. Parents if you don't want your nanny buying you kid sweets and other things on the weekend ONCE a month make a fun snack together you and your child. I do it with mine and we make enough things to put away. We either freeze it or place them in ziplock bags. I know most parents don't have time but try it, its fun! Instead of getting mad at the parents, talk to the nanny who you are feeding for free everyday!
10:16 PM
You nanny should not have to lay out her own money to cover expenses for your children. It is paternalistic to make her ask for the money, and as a nanny I can tell you, it is uncomfortable. I think you mean well, and you may be a nice employer, but please, just give your nanny some petty cash that she can use at her own discretion.
Using words like "retarded" shows your stupidity. The last thing you should be doing is opining on a post about etiquette.
The main point here is likely not what treats can be bought but nannies that are sent out on the mean streets of NY penniless by scrooge employers.
My suggestion for such employers=daycare. Live within your means. Nannies are for the upper class, not for you.
1:05pm
"Nannies are for the upper class, not for you."
You are an ass.
My bad ex-boss also had me front the cash for expenses for her kids/family. I could not afford to always front this money, so I would have to put it on a credit card. I accrued interest because, duh, it's a credit card. She hassled me about paying this interest, yet would never front petty cash....bottom line....Give your nanny sufficient petty cash. Have her ledger the receipts for you. If your nanny does big shopping (groceries and such) then either get a prepaid grocery store card, or a credit card for her that you pay.
Your nanny is probably not happy that she is fronting this money for your family, she just won't tell you....so change your ways now before her resentment builds up and she quits.
If you do not trust your nanny w/ your money, then you don't trust her in general, so why is she taking care of the most important things in your life??
I am a nanny, and I often pay for something in advance and have the parents reimburse me.
It is different if they ask me to get something, then they leave money up front - and always tell me to feel free to get anything I want to get on their tab. But if I notice they are running low on say formula, and I get a chance, I have no problem going to the store and buying it with my money, then giving them the receipt when they come home that evening.
As a nanny, I not only take care of my charges, I do whatever I can do to make it easier for the family I work for to be able to spend time with their child after work and on weekends without worrying about running to buy formula or diapers.
Fool me once you sound like a real ass and 1:19-----1:05 is right nannies are for the upper class not for 'wannabes' who can't treat their nannies with the respect they deserve-or who bitch and moan like fool me once about their nanny eating for free....wow some of these moms are a piece of work!
I think it's fine if a nanny like 1:34 has the kind of relationship with her employers that she *chooses* to lay out her own money and be reimbursed...but I don't think that should be the normal way of going about things. Employers probably do not realize that working-class people often DO NOT have $20 on them to "lay out" until they can be reimbursed. It's a very uncomfortable position to put the nanny in. And it's doubtful that any nanny would feel comfortable complaining about such an arrangement, so the nanny *seeming* happy about it means nothing. They are your kids, YOU pay for their expenses, large and small. Give the nanny petty cash and have her keep a ledger. It is absolutely miserly to require the nanny to lay out her own money in advance, and gives the impression that you don't trust the nanny with "your" money (although presumably you trust her with your kids?). If the nanny takes it upon herself to purchase something for the kids knowing you will reimburse her, that's different.
12:58:
Can you not read. Having my nanny lay out the money was HER suggestion.
It works out for us.
Some days she spends nothing, other days she spends a couple of bucks, and on other days she's hit a stoop sale and has bought $40 worth of stuff for my kids that she knows they can use.
Again, it works. If she asked for petty cash, I'd be all for that too. Instead, she chose this method.
Bravo Jesus - at least with regards to the sentiment, but I could have done without the name calling (just say it in your head and you will feel better).
I wish people could stop being so judgemental on this site. No two families are alike--that's one thing you learn if you're a nanny for a little while. What works for one family may not for another, but that doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong.
10:16 seems to have a good relationship with her nanny. Why are we criticizing her simply because her methods are not ours?
I try to teach the kids I care for not to make snap judgements about other people and not to presume that their way of doing something is the best (or worse: only) way. I wish someone had been around to teach a lot of the commenters above that lesson when they were children.
11:58 PM
Giving a nanny petty cash does not mean she is going to spend it on daily ice cream, or junk food. Most moms and nannies have an understanding about what kinds and quantities of treats the children may have. Money is also needed for emergencies, such as a taxi home for an ill child, a gift for a birthday party, art supplies, lunch with a play date, and such necessities as bubbles and sidewalk chalk.
A nanny
Here is a simple soulution.
Parents-give your nanny petty cash. If you're concerned about how it is spent, ask for receipts.
Nannies-if you are not given petty cash up front, do not spend your own money. If the parents want to know why Sally didn't get to have ice cream, tell them they didn't leave the money for it. Simple.
Those being leached upon-do not buy other children treats. The parents may not want their children eating that crap. If that is not an issue, the child might complain to their parents that the nanny din't buy them treats when their friends got some, thus cluing the parents in that the nanny is not properly funded to pay for the childs needs. OR it will clue them in that the nanny is spending the petty cash on other things.
I am a mother of a 2 children with a full time nanny. We all eat a macrobiotic diet. So, we need not worry about purchasing soft serve ice cream. However, I have also been in a position where a child was at a park an 1) the fountain was not working and 2) a child of a nanny scraped her knee and needed a bandaid (drugstore across the street but nanny had not even $1.99 for the bandaids so I lent it to her) and so many more things come up. This is not a nanny thing, per say. Things come up with parents too. The parents you know and see again and they pay you back. So, I totally side on the side of the nanny here. Trusting her with petty cash in the amount of $20 a week- if it is going to BREAK you, perhaps a nanny is in fact beyond your means!
Here's a thought. While you buy the treats for her charges, the nanny is saving the money she was given to spend on the kids for herself! Sucker!
doubtful. and if you as a parent think that of your nanny= if you think she is so low that she would pocket popsicle money- then perhaps you need a new nanny!
or perhaps you should take a road trip to boston.
see what a real nanny is like.
Boston? Shudder..,..... I've heard "tales"
Seriously, so many great nanny organizations and career nannies work out of Boston. Don't discount all Boston nannies just because one porn star originally from the Boston area ended up nannying in your town.
in Denver?
you mean Denver as in Colorado? Wow.
I totally dislike cheap people.
1:27:
That's deep.
I'm the mom who has a nanny who lays out the money and has me reimburse her. I wouldn't think for a single second that she's pulling the wool over my eyes. No way.
I can, however, see how you would think that way. JJ Byrne comes to mind.
9:34 and you are equally
.............."deep"
934-
no one is pulling the wool over your eyes. right? that is how cheap meisers get made. so afraid someone will overcharge them by 1 penney that they watch ever receipt and nickel with a magnifying glass. I bet your friends cringe when they dine out with you. They probably have to double back and leave a decent tip.
And I bet your nanny is nothing more than a glorified housekeeper.
What sense does it make that instead of the parent providing for the child, it is the responsibility of the nanny to have cash or funds on her?
Who's child is it anyway?
It may be that the tightwad mom trusts her nanny, and why shouldn't she? The poor nanny has to provide funds for the children and the shrewd cheapstake mom knows the nanny will have to be careful with regard to receipts and being able to identify every expenditure or she won't get her money back. Duh! Any mother with class would give the nanny a fund to spend on the kids and TRUST HER with the money. This penny pinching miser is making sure the nanny won't buy anything for herself because she can inventory the receipts to make sure that she didn't. I cannot stand cheap people. They are usually petty and anal retentive as well. I couldn't work for that b**ch- no way.
This is just ridiculous. I'm a nanny for four children in Manhattan. During the day we may spend nothing, or we may rack up close to $100 in expenses. It seems unpractical for the parents I work for to give me money ahead of time. I would find it an unnecessary annoyance to try and keep track of what's their money and what's mine. So I pay for everything on my debit card or with my cash, and at the end of the day I write it down. That's the way I want it, that's the way it worked when I was in the corporate world. You file an expense report, very, simple and easy.
Now, I'm VERY well paid. It doesn't bother me to lay out $100 in a day and not see that money again until the following week. I understand that this might not work for every nanny or every family. But why must you (and by you I mean 12:53, 11:03, 1:33, 12:58, and jesus martinez) make such HORRIBLE GENERALIZATION? The parents I work for aren't "cheapskates""penny pinching misers" or mistrusting.
Why is it so difficult for people to expand their mental horizons and understand that someone might not do things exactly the same way they do? So, I ask, specific commenters who I named above, does it make you feel better to come on here and cast judgement on the way another family handles their expenses?
Ok well paid nanny at 9:27,
I have a credit card with my name and my employer's name on it.
Maybe you are desperate for a job, codependant or used to being a doormat. I know not.
I do think many nannies I have met on the playgrounds don't have debit cards! It's one thing for a Fortune 500 boardmember to pay for his things out of pocket and submit expense reports and get repaid but NANNIES. Please.
11:03:
I guess my point is that my nanny and I are very happy together, while most of the other posters here seem MISERABLE, unable to comprehend an excellent working relationship.
My nanny had a great time picking out a gift for herself over the weekend with the extra money the "meiser" here gave her as a bonus.
I laugh at how pathetic some of you seem.
And a "glorified housekeeper?" That's hilarious. My nanny's job is to watch my children, not clean. I wouldn't insult her intelligence with such nonsense.
Annie: right on.
12:03
Where did she buy her outfit?
Jembro?
Dear OP:
I hope you're not buying ice cream for my son, because he's allergic to dairy.
We never buy ice cream or any treat from any truck driving around. 1. Some of those drivers are pedophiles - they take the job to get near kids and get kids to see them as a nice guy and not a stranger. 2. The mafia runs some of those trucks (or makes money off the business in other ways.) 3. The trucks often come around before lunch time - spoiling the kid's appetite for a healthy lunch. 4. I hate how kids drip ice cream all over playgrounds - it's filthy, attracts bugs, and again, it's dangerous to children with severe food allergies (who get hives if they touch dairy residue - such as my son). 5. We try not to feed our kids junk - and that ice cream that the trucks sell is the lowest quality stuff, full of artificial fluffers. 6. We try to teach our kids to eat only when they're hungry - and not because other people have decided to snack (my other kid has a weight problem even though we never buy truck ice cream!) 7. That cheap ice cream is a rip-off. Ice cream from the grocery store is much more affordable - and leaves more room in the budget for me to give our nanny paid health insurance, for instance, or to buy her brand-name frozen meals that she likes.
Any parent who is "cheap" doesn't hire a nanny. Daycare is always cheaper.
So stop telling other parents how, when, what and where to feed overpriced junk food to their kids. You're not doing anyone any favors.
How convenient your child's dairy allergy has proven for you!
Tightass!
And no, daycare is not always cheaper. Not when some of these misers bully these women in to doing everything under the sun for a pitiful salary!
Pulese don't try to say that cheap people don't employ nannies!! Ha ha ha... hee hee hee. Dumbass.
They do employ nannies but cheap people should not be allowed to have nannies or eat in a restaurant or go anywhere where the tip is up to their cheap ass discretion.
Nannies should run background checks on employers that evaluate their employer on the likely to cheap out scale.
cheap people = petty pigs.
no me gusta!
1:07:
Buy whose outfit? What is Jembro?
Are you insane?
I feel certain that Jembro is a cheap store but I am not from around here.
There should be a litmus test to weed out tight people. I can see where they would be a bitch to work for. They are god awful to travel with, to receive gifts from, to eat dinner with, etc. Taxi drivers don't get tips and they leave the doorman standing like a chump. These people are either poor and their wealth is an illusion (since they are partaking in the activities of the rich) or they are deranged control freaks.
I don't think it's necessarily a matter of being cheap. As some earlier posters have said, sometimes it's because the parents do not want their children eating junk food outside the house. An occasional treat is okay, but $20 worth of ice cream truck goodies per week is bad for a kid.
In many cases, the parents and the nannies do not see eye-to-eye on nutrition. Which is why the parents would prefer the child eats most of their meals at home.
But having said all that, I put a $20 bill in the diaper bag for the nanny to use, since I would hate for her to have to beg on the street whenever other kids at the park are having an ice-cream cone. So, I learned something from reading this blog.
That you are a parent and you can say you don't want your child partaking in sugar style treats is just a license to be cheap. Please! I have seen nannies come to the playground with their strollers spillith over and backpacks and diaper bags because they have to bring everything from home. The parents want their children out of the home in the fresh air, but depending on the ages of your child- it is not easy! How many times have I paid for a nanny to cab home with her charge when she has been caught in the rain? Countless. I am not anti working mother but please why don't you spend a day on the streets with a packed lunch, diapers, diaper bags and strollers and no money and see how far you get. You are all ridiculous! And perhaps if you were a little more perceptive regarding your children's needs and the struggles that the good nannies go to meat those needs, perhaps you wouldn't balk at springing for a $2 water bottle for every 3 hours nanny spends in the 90 degree sun.
There is no one I loathe more than a tightass. Such people suck the joy out of every great moment.
meet those needs-
Having to be frugal or careful with money is different from being a cheap, greedy miser, which is what these employers sound like.
People who have to be frugal have no business having a nanny! That is like a person who can't quite afford to eat at the French restaurant, but they go anyway and tip 2 percent!
Annie
I usually agree with you, but I have to say, I think you are doing a disservice to nannies because your post is going to give some parents the impression that it is OK to expect your nanny to lay out $100 of her own money in one day. (And not get it back till next week!) That may work for you, but for most nannies this would be a huge hardship, if not impossible. BTW, I'd love to know your salary!
The usual arrangement for nannies who purchase clothing, pay for classes etc. is to have a credit card specifically for the children's expenses. This also saves the hassle of keeping track of receipts etc.
Yes!
And it is way more appropriate to provide a petty cash fund for your OWN children than it is to give your nanny a Mother's Day gift.
(That was one poster's justification).
Anyone who makes the nanny lay out her money in advance is desperate to be seen as "the boss" and wants people to come to her and beg for crumbs. That is how I see it. Sensible, savy people DO NOT ask nanny to pay out of her pocket!
If you have to give your $500 a week attorney a retainer to cover expenses, please consider providing petty cash for your own children. Seriously!
New money is sooooo gauche and greedy.
People who need to be frugal don't usually hire nannies. It just wouldn't be frugal. However, stingy, greedy misers with money (old or new) hire nannies and then begrudge them every penny that they must pay them.
12:37: The reason I posted was not because I think any parent should suggest to their nanny the financial arrangements that I have with the family I work for. I posted because I so hate how people (for example, 12:44, directly under you) come on this site to preach to others about how they're way is the only possible way to approach the job of caring for children.
So, 12:44, the mother I work for is "desperate to be seen as "the boss" and wants people to come to her and beg for crumbs"? Well then, thank god you informed me, I must go and tender my resignation immediately! Thank you for helping me to see the light, because prior to your insightful comment, I just thought she was a working mother doing her best to have a healthy communicative relationship with the nanny she employs to care for her children.
Maybe you could write us all a manual on how everything should be arranged between mother and nanny so I don't end up making this kind of horrible mistake again.
my boss she used to be more generous. now she is holdin on to her money like she is running out. i dont ever put my own money out. never. if her kids want something or she wants me to stop and get milk, it wont happen. if we are in the park and them kids drink up all the water we brought and are sweating, other mothers will say "you can get water right inside the building" or "the icecream man sells water". The mother looks at the kids with theyre hot red faces and i say "no X doesnt give me no money for them kids". Mothers have asked me how I manage. Some moms have bought water for these kids because they also know that mom wants her kids at the park all day. They know the mom I work for. I don't go through any trouble to make her look like a good mother or boss. She is exactly what she is.
rs - I don't understand why a nanny would spend 3 hours outside in 90 degree heat. No caregiver worth their salt (be it a mother or a nanny) would find that acceptable. That's poor judgement on the part of the parent or the nanny. It's good to get fresh air, even on very hot days, but spending 3 hours outdoors in those conditions is negligence. That's a far worse situation, then springing $2 for a bottle of water.
And what's with all the hostility? I do spend one day (in the middle of the work week) at home with my child and pretty much do the same routine as my nanny would. So, I don't ask my nanny to do anything more than I would do myself. (We have this arrangement b/c she's going to school.)
the problem is twofold.
working mothers who have so much guilt and are stuck working inside of highrises with windows that don't open and see outside as "beatiful" regardless of the temp and SAHMs who have nannies just to keep their children AWAY from them. And yes, these nannies keep the children out from 11-5 some days!
Be careful, it isn't always crazy nannies. There are a helluva lotta crazy ass mothers!
There's nothing wrong with the parents packing "park treats". Maybe they watch their childrens' nutrition or the child has an allergy. Don't offer to buy another child and or nanny a "treat" and then complain about it. Not all parents want their kids addicted to sweets and fat as butterballs by the time they're 4, so don't assume just because the kids aren't getting sugary treats the parents are misers and aren't providing well for nanny and children.......
Good Lawd 1:49 is a tightwad and tight@$$. We do NOT eat unless we are hungry. I give my children small portions of food that aren't enough for an infant and call him fat for weighing more than an infant and LIE to his face that he has a dairy allergy. If he did like she 'claims' she wouldn't have it in the house and she admitted to buying it at the store so she's FAKE.
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