Received Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Dear Stay at Home Mother with Nanny,
You seem to wear your nanny with the same amour propre and gusto as you do those hideous Valentino bow ballet flats. Why, just why do you bring your nanny with you to our baby class? One ordinary child does not need two caretakers. Perhaps you think this is a sign of social status and your dominance; but it truly is something you might wish to rethink. And preferably before next week.
37 comments:
You did not mention how the mother treats her nanny.
Do they both interact with the child?
Do they both seem to enjoy being there? Maybe they both like to go to the class?
I used to go with my bosses to the children's classes---
if anyone felt weird about it-
that's their problem-
I will never let anyone steal the joy I have for my job.
Children can never have too many people who love, properly care for and teach them.
maybe the mom sucks at momming and the nanny sucks at nannying but by sticking together the child has a fighting chance?
I myself have a nanny and I have a friend who brings her nanny everywhere with us. Anytime this friend has her child, the nanny has to be there too. It is completly frustrating because this could be a social gathering in the afternoon or even lunch out! No one knows how to say anything to her about this, but I am guessing the nanny would love a BREAK!
LAZY MOM THATS THE WORD...WOULD BE GREAT FOR THE BABY TO HAVE SOME SPECIAL TIME WITH MOM ALONE...
COME ONE TELL HER.....
I have attended classes occasionally with my employer. She enjoys doing the class with her child when she has the chance, and I am on the clock anyway, so I go along, because I enjoy it too, although I could take a break if I wanted one. I don't understand why this is a problem for YOU. The teachers are fine with it.
A nanny
I love it!
I would love to write abouty 40 rants about the mothers I see everyday. Not my gal pals. They're great mothers and rockin' citizens.
Have you ever considered that the mom is doing the class while on a break from her job? Since the nanny has to take the child to meet the mom, they stay and hang out together. Perhaps, the mom and nanny enjoy doing things together with the child - it aids bonding for the nanny and child; the mother and child; the nanny and mother. Then again, maybe it isn't the nanny, perhaps its the mother's lesbian lover.
I go with my nanny to my daughter's art class. I really wanted to go to this class with my daughter and so did the nanny, so we both take her. She has two people with her that love and care for her and she gets plenty of attention.
I also take her to music classes without the nanny and the nanny takes my daughter to dance classes without me. Both classes require the parent or caregiver to participate. As much as I wanted to go to the dance class, I also realize that the nanny enjoys it as "their" time together.
I never thought anyone would find this annoying. Does the mother in question flaunt the fact that she has a nanny? What does she do, exactly, that you find reprehensible? I just don't get it.
I am another SAHM with a nanny. I certainly don't make a spectacle of my nanny by wearing her like some ill advised accessory. Even if the mother was meeting the nanny at the class, why not let the nanny take a walk and get a coffee. As a professional, it upsets me when people do nonsensical things that usurp my free time. If anyone should be p'd, I am guessing it would be the nanny. I recall baby classes I took my child to were so simple, that I had nothing to do. We sat with the children on our laps, clapped and rang a triangle. I'm also embarassed for the mommy and nanny duo. I of course don't know her story but I do know that anyone that is donning Valentina bow flats in Connecticut with the temperature barely out of the 40's-I imagine she has too much to prove and doesn't realize how things appear. A tad desperate?
You nannies who go to baby classes with your employers- I'm shocked. What is your payrate? I just can imagine employing such a non person that said nanny is perfectly okay with being mom's shadow. One of the things I look for a nanny is enthusiasm. I don't think any of my nanny's would have put up with this! I don't need a shadow. Oh vey!
OP, you sound a tad jealous.
It's not my style to double up on caretakers either, but unless you know their story you should zip it and stop being a judgemental freakazoid.
Maybe the nanny is still training. Maybe the mother needs a back-up because of health problems. Maybe she just wants to check out her child's class on occasion since she's paying for it.
Get it?
I occasionally go to classes with my nanny when I get a break from work; it's nice for us to spend time with db together and talk about him a bit together. I'd be absolutely fine with her not going, but sometimes she asks to go along and I'm happy to have her. I don't see why this would bug anyone else. I'm certainly not bringing her as an accessory! I like her and enjoy spending time with her.
Amour propre, indeed. If your aim was to make her feel terrible, then congratulations. I'm sure you've done it. Feel better?
i dont see why the mother felt she had to compain about this. she should just keep her judgmental crap in her own catty little circle.
What star said the following???
"My mom is a coke addict and she drinks every day. There's no way I could let my little girls go around to her house and put them at risk like that."
As a nanny, I loved tagging along to the classes with mom when she was able to go, because it gave me ideas of what to do while we were at home. The Music together classes encourage practicing the same type of play from the class at home.
Now, if the mom was literally parading her nanny, that's another story, but I don't think it's really that big of a deal. The child is lucky to have two women who will willingly and happily spend time with him/her at their music class! Mom could also be "training" the nanny before going back to work, basically going through the daily routine with her. Maybe she wanted to see how nanny's driving is, so she had nanny drive to the class.
Try not to be so judgemental... it sounds like maybe you need to improve parts of your life and make yourself attain the social status you are pretending to dislike so much. But I wonder, if it something so terrible, how you are able to quickly name the brand of shoe the mother is wearing and assume she didn't save up to get a pair of shoes she loved and worked for. Hmmmm....
Did you ever think that maybe the nanny WANTS to be there? I've gone places with my little friends and their parents not because I have to, but because I enjoy spending time with them. Would you feel the same way about one child not needing two caretakes if it were a Mom and a Dad bringing the baby to the class?
maybe the nanny wants to be there. sure. but I can't imagine that says much for her. I wouldn't hire a nanny who needed to go to class to get an idea of how to play with my child. Having said that, the fact that OP referenced the shoes the parent wore clearly shows her contempt for (and jealousy of?) this mother. that wasn't really a nice thing to do. i hope you got your ya ya's out though. maybe next week you can feel a sense of smug satisfaction when you face her in class.
CA: I am one of the nannies who occasionally goes to a class with my employer. Your post is extremely offensive. I could go sit in Starbucks with a book, but I choose to go along because we three have a lot of fun together. I am not a non person, nor am I mom's shadow. I am a college graduate (ECE), and since you asked, my salary, is $52,000, with a lot of perks. You don't think ANY of your nannies would put up with this? You don't sound like someone I would want to go to a class with either, or work for actually. BTW, how many nannies have you gone through?
UES Nanny
I think whoever wrote this was mean. However, at the same time I cannot imagine a nanny tagging along to a baby class. There really is only so much to do. The babies do sit in one person's lap. I think you (the nanny) would just look kind of ridiculous there. Unless of course you were holding the child, in which you are making the parent look incapable.
11:13 " I wouldn't hire a nanny who needed to go to class to get an idea of how to play with my child."
The nanny you are referring to, 9:56, was very specific that this was a Music Together class. They have very specific things to do with voice and movement, and encourage you to do them at home between classes. They give you a CD with the music used in the class, including ear training and rhythm drills. I think it is impressive that she cares enough to do this. She is obviously a nanny who takes her job seriously.
We are obviously not all talking about the same types of classes. Some involve a lot more than "sitting with the baby on your lap." If that is all you are doing, find a better class!
I've been to a music together class and I have 2 music together CDs. If you want the nanny to "get" what needs to be done, why not let her take the child once? It seems odd to me that there would be this person there with no child. Or worse yet two people fussing over one child. Sounds like the antithesis of the reason you take your children out to class (think expose them to new people and new ideas). I can't even imagine this because I know if my husband and I were to both take one of the children to an activity, they would be unlikely to leave our side! And my oldest is 5! One parent, ok. 2-no. I am not saying the nanny shouldn't go-but come on- two people? It isn't rocket science. Have you seen how Zebras have their children in the wild?
you suck.
I am a nanny, and I always take the baby to her classes. The mom occasionally meet us at a class for many reasons. 1) She wants to see what her baby does during the class. 2) She wants to participate in the class and usually can't because she is working. She is coming from work, meeting us at a class, and I don't leave because I enjoy the class and spending time with them also. She is a doctor so sometimes she might have to leave in the middle of class, and she can because I am there. I don't see anthing wrong with a Mom and a Nanny both attending a baby and me class. I think the OP has bigger issues to worry about.
This mother could be new at having a nanny. This post seems mean spirited, but then I don't know the whole story. I could tell you some whoppers about some of the women I know! The way they treat the nannies who are raising their children. Woe is me- crying about the amount of cheese the nanny ate in a given week. The nanny with the ten hour workday!
1:42, This is the 9:56 poster... I normally took my charge to his music together classes (his mom signed him up for the class when she KNEW I would be watching him 95% of the time). The 5% of the time when she was able to join us, I still went with them at her invitation, because it was fun for me to spend time with the little guy and watch him play with his mom. Being a nanny is NOT a job you leave at the door and pick up when you walk back in the door the next morning.
Word up, Viv!
Dear OP,
You sound bitter. Maybe even jealous. Maybe you can't afford a nanny or Valentino flats. What are you hiding? This post is missing something. My opinion is that you should stop gossiping and just try to be nice. This site is for reporting bad nannies, and your trite complaint is soooo lame. Get it?
What kind of parent are you? Or are you a nanny? Whatever you are, you are a bad example to the children in your life. Don't teach children to covet what others have, but be happy and enjoy what they do have. Don't teach chidren to judge others, it only makes them feel superior and entitled. Kinda like you...
Go whine about this over coffee with your friends, and don't post crap like this here.
There is so much disagreement on this issue but I think a main part of determining how "odd" or "normal" this is, is where you live. I'm a nanny in Aspen who attends music together with my charges as well as my employer (their mother) but we are in good company-- there are only 1 or 2 other parents who are their without their spouse or their nanny... it's just the lifestyle here. Perhaps the woman the OP is frustrated with came from this sort of culture and doesn't realize how strange it may be in her new environment.
I don't know where in CT this person is but I take two classes with my children. One in Greenwich and one in Riverside. The thought of two caregivers being at any class- unless it was a performance type- end of class- graduation type thing- just seems like a futile waste of resources. Especially when so many people, like I- have multiple children.
OP, focus more on the activities, and your child, and you won't notice what brand shoes other moms are wearing.
whether or not this is weird is not the point...this is hardly negligence of the sort that belongs on this blog
Sounds almost like an ominous threat of some sort.
I once spent the most miserable time of my life at a pool with the a mother of the child I was watching telling me every 15 minutes "you must watch her every second so she doesn't drown. That's your only job." I had to sit beside them, dangling my feet in the water and not take my eyes off her ever. By the end of that day I told that woman I would NEVER work for her again, and I never did. If they are having a good time, more power to them (Mom and Nanny). If Mom is torturing this person - "tell me how many times she points her toes. I want you to count them" - then the word "slave labor" is appropriate.
as a nanny, if i had to tag along with mom and child to every activity they had together, i would feel very uncomfortable. we take turns with the classes my charge is in. if mom isn't going into work at the time of class, she'll take her and i have that time off.
if the nanny is new to the family, i could totally understand them going together until either mom or nanny felt comfortable flying solo.
basically, you are assuming and don't know the real reason behind why they are both their. while it may seem strange to you, maybe stop to think what OTHER reasons could be behind the actions.
Some diseases, including MS, are not really detectable for some time and even then, those with the disease have good and bad days. Suppose this mother has something she is dealing with that precludes her from being fully in charge at an outing with her child but that she still wishes to attend while she can. There are also after effects from birthing a child that can leave some women debilitated. Think on these possibilities and do not judge so harshly.
"Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding."
Author: Mahatma Gandhi
Awesome quote, 10 PM.
Post a Comment