Thursday

Nanny Desperately Seeks Your Advice.....

Received Thursday, February 22, 2007
(Perspective & Opinion)
I would rate this as an "R" (must be at least 18 years old to read). I am not trying to 'beat anyone's story" but my experience was pretty severe and I desperately need some advice.
I had an awful experience as a nanny for 2 1/2 months for a family in Maryland. It was strange in the beginning. I went to the home and was hired on the spot. The interviewer did not ask me for a copy of my driver's license or any references!? That was odd, but hey i thought, whatever!
So,I start the job and the 3 1/2 year old still uses a binky and literally gets everything he wants. Father would come home every single night with a new toy (spoiling the child).
There were no time outs or any discipline. HE RULED the house... Car seat provided was for a child under 30 pounds and I avoided using my car b/c it was way too tight and small (probably very illegal too) for the child. I tried to use the 'extra' car as much as possible. The parents were extremely odd. Mother figure worked 12 hour a day shifts, saw the boy here and there and claimed that she was molested as a child... it was very obvious that she made this all up for attention...
Father was a very nice man in general. However, Playboy magazines left open in the bathrooms for ME and the 3 1/2 year old to see? Uh, not my style. Did I mention the little knives (swiss army style) all over the house...no, I am being serious. AND the guns in the home that the mother confirmed were there! This is an only child and the parents are not married, b/c this child (who is just adorable and sweet) was a "love child". I loved babysitting him. There were so many toys for him, I taught him so much and he was extremely well behaved and always had a structured day or night with me.
He loved me and I loved him as a child! One of the cutest children I have ever had a chance to babysit for.
Due to the fact that I was literally scared of the weapons issue and the employer was not paying me for the numerous days when he would arrive home early (like 2 1/2 hours), canceling all of the time at the last minute and a terrible communicator...also he left notes and bills all over the house about him having some weird disease and money problems AND there was a naked picture of him on his screen- saver -slide -show...
I approached him with that issue and he said he was embarrassed...oh well... I let that slide. When I tried to be polite and give written notice of my leaving, he begged me on the phone to come back and things would get better! I went back. Things didn't get "better" at all. I quit once and for all, pretty recently.
After I 'quit', these people decided to run a background check on me and well, everyone these days, makes mistakes when they were younger... Once they found out my 'skeletons from the closet', (which had nothing violent or child related or driving related), they posted it all over craigslist website with my name, address, height, weight, personality, etc... and this information ruined my reputation.
After numerous harassing emails I received from the 'hard working 'mother figure' ", I have now had to go through the last few weeks suffering from anxiety attacks, severe depression, avoiding contact with everyone, except my attorney and my therapist.
To other nannies: Can you imagine what I have been through? Not to mention that I have no plans to work in the near future and cannot pay my rent. I probably left a few things out b/c this story (that happened directly to me) is so disturbing, that I didn't want to scare anyone.
I could use some advice at this time in my life. These people have gone out of their way to ruin my reputation (libel, defamation) but I can't sue them b/c they filed for bankruptcy! Wow, I really got Fu**ed at this job. Never ever in my life, have things been so dark, sickening and unreal... Posted by "Just kill me"

83 comments:

Anonymous said...

i am in the same situation. a family i worked for did the same thing ... ruining my reputation. i suggest taking them to court for a public apology on craigslist, as well as in the local newspaper, etc. sorry for what you went through.

Anonymous said...

just curious where you live because a friend of mine went thru a similar situation and wonder if its related

Anonymous said...

I honestly think your seeking attention. They can not file a background check unless you signed it and gave them you social security number, why would you do that if you already quit? and are they defaming you if something bad showed up. You are very vague and don't describe what it is you had. Not everyone has skeletons in the closet, i don't.

Anonymous said...

Hey... that sucks! really... i'm a nanny and i couldn't imagine going through that.. but hey, it could be alot worse right? try to think positive and just forget about what happened, you can find jobs posted on other websites besides craigslist. Hope that helps!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz said...

959,
You might as well click on the Button that says "other" and sign your posts "Idiot".

Your holier than thou attitude makes me want to slap you.

And JUST so you know, I run background checks on my friend's boyfriends and any damn person I am curious about. It's a hobby of mine. And NO one has signed anything. You go on the computer and punch a few buttons.

Bing Bang Boom.

And if you have no skeletons in your closet, well you're just a damn bore.

Anonymous said...

You worked for them for such a short period of time, I am shocked they would react so viciously.

I speak from the other side of the spectrum. I had a nanny who I trusted and relied on quit on me. She went to go and work for someone else and I felt betrayed.
I was completely wrong for what I did but I in the moment and feeling betrayed, I did set about a course of action with the intent to destroy her reputation. It actually made me happy.

Whenever her name would come up, I would think of something uniquely blasphemous to say about her. I felt I had sufficiently painted her in to a corner with all that I was able to dream up. I didn't consider the ramifications on her life, it was honestly almost therapeutic just to say these things.

I learned about two months later that she was no longer working for the family that she left me to work for. I made a disparaging comment to one of my aquaintances over coffee about how they must have "found out how crazy she is".

As it turns out, she was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer two weeks after she left my employ. Probably at the height of the time I was taking pride in destroying her reputation. She was only 30 but the cancer was very far advanced and she left her position to go home to her family and essentially die.

I would rather be the victim that the OP was than the person who went out of her way to hurt another. You will get past this as you deserve to. This guilt will stay with me always and as it should. We are all imperfect. We are pushed and pulled and go in different directions. Let Go.
Don't waste another second thinking of these awful people who are no doubt as morally bankrupt as they are financially.

jmt said...

I don't think it's too late to call the police and CPS. Guns will get the attention of either agency. A standard question now on a doctor's intake form is "are there guns in your home?" Weapons are taken VERY seriously. Also the porn left lying around - another one for CPS. The social retardation of the boy ( binky and other developmental issues), inappropriate carseat, no clue to child rearing, all a red flag for CPS. Spill it all, honey, and maybe the child will make it to Kindergarten age. Also, there is a period before a bankruptcy when the party has to give notice to anyone who is owed money a chance to claim against them. It may not be too late to put your self on the list of "creditors" if they owe you funds from unpaid hours, but if you are looking to sue for damages, I'm thinking you would have to have won a judgement against them already. But if they really caused you all these doctor/therapy and other costs by their direct actions it's worth a try. Not all bankruptcies are granted. Any lawyers out there with info to help?
I'm glad for that boy that you were able to show him some love and boundaries. You probably did more good than you can imagine. And as for those days dad came home early and jipped you out of hours pay for the day, did you have any agreement about that? I would expect payment for the full day, even if he wanted me to leave, so that's not right. I hope you kept records.
This experience sounds hellacious. I hope you take action now that they have hurt you a second time to regain some of your sanity and peace. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I think you are making this into a bigger deal than it is. You are letting it get out of hand. Its not that big of a deal, just chill.

NPO Possee said...

Some suggestions for Nannies:

1) If your boss leaves a screensaver featuring his naked body on the computer: email the screensaver to yourself.

2) If your boss isn't treating you right, email yourself any personal pictures off of their computer. If you don't have an email account, just bring a CD rom (cost 12 cents) and copy all of the personal pictures. Store it in a safe place for later use. Just in case.

3) If you boss stays signed on to AOL or you are able to find out their email password, read their email on a daily basis. Forward to yourself any incoming our outgoing emails that will be of interest to you (or the court of public opinion should this not end well).

4) If your employer keeps guns, drugs, alcohol, drug paraphnelia, sex toys, etc. around the house; photograph everything. (Touch nothing). Date the photos and store in a safe place.

5) When your boss is away, go through personal files and borrow them to make copies of these files. Files of interest might involve bills, credit card statements, bankruptcy information,
any court information, personal correspondence, loan ammortizations, real estate holdings, summons, etc. After copying these files, return them immediately to their appropriate files.

6) If your boss is mistreating you or failing to treat you as a professional, install spyware on his/her home computer. My favorite spyware programs are keyloggers and those that give me remote access.

7) Pay close attention when your boss is whispering to his/her spouse. Their arguments will always contain scandalous information.

8) Women never want you to know their weight, clothing size and bra size- so make certain to document all of these for future use.

9) If your employer sends you any correspondence whether it is a handwritten post it, a greeting card or an email, save everything. COPY everything for a back up file.

10) Save all voice messages from your employer. Especially if he/she talks to you in an abrasive or demeaning way.

11) Skeletons in the Closet. Identify them. All of them. Did he really graduate from college? Having an affair? Overdrawn on his checking account? Associating with known mobsters? Pay close attention. Use your cell phone camera LIBERALLY. You can never have too much information.

12) When snooping around the house, just in case they have surveillance equipment or nanny cameras installed, I advise that you start by approaching the circuit box and TURNING all power to the HOUSE OFF. This is easy to blame later on a blown fuse.

13) If your boss leaves hairs on your bar of soap, save them. It never hurts to collect a little DNA. Or alot. DNA is splendid.

Word on the Street is their exists an elite possee of Nannies that's sole mission is to place themselves in the homes of people and calculatingly extract personal information from these people. Allegedly, the Possee is hired by Corporate Big Guns who seek to bury their competition.
That's the story I heard.

See, you have to play dirty.
Cherchez la Femme

MR said...

I have to say, these people are not worth suffering for. They sound like Toxic people. Let them stew in their own juices and move on. Be forthright when interviewing for a nanny position and they will likely appreciate your honesty. I have had nannies for 11 years and the two qualities that define the perfect nanny candidate to me are HONESTY and THOUGHTFULNESS. It's that simple.
Good luck to you.
Write it off as a lesson learned.

Anonymous said...

SELL your story. Nanny STORIES are big money. Even if you end up selling it to May's McCalls magazine. Payback's a bitch. It's not like you have any lasting bond with the children. You were only there for weeks.

**if no one wants to BUY it, just give it away. Type it up and slap it in a clear binder and leave it at the local library.

morgan loew said...

Many a libeled and slandered nanny has chosen not to persue litigation against her employer because of that employer's ability to vigorously defend themselves with litigation. Your employer is bankrupt. Go after them.

jmt said...

npo possee: that's the most mercenary thing I have ever read on this site. Some good advice, but mercenary. Damn! Holy soulless corporations Batman!

And Morgan Loew:
"Your employer is bankrupt. Go after them. " Cracked me up! Very pragmatic.

JJ said...

NPO Possee, I am assuming you are having a laugh.
But I am disturbed as to how this OP signed her post. Are you okay?
Please be okay and don't let the awful people that you come in to contact with in your life define you.
I believe that Craigs List has a clause on their website that specifically addresses people who attempt to slander and defame others. Have you contacted them?
I would write them a very concise letter signing your name and refernecing the post # of the libelous posts. Keep a copy of that. Publishing your personal information on line also could lead to identity theft and dependant on the cyber stalking laws in your area could represent a crime. It is unlikely and I am in CA, not Maryland so I know nothing of Maryland Law.
If you choose to "fight" this, maintain your composure and dignity. Granted, this will not give you access to the same playing field they have employed against you but I think you will find that you will regret these people even more if you allow them to cause yourself to sacrifice your integrity.
And finally, genuinely good people are always hurt much harder and scarred more deeply by the actions of the evil. It's part of the whole "life's not fair" adage.
Good luck!

heather said...

There are some great responses here. I agree with most of it, however the problem is- the more often a person is allowed to tell a lie- it becomes very close to truth. Tom Cruse isn't gay, but many people think he is just because the rumor has been started and repeated. Anyone who attacks another's reputation- which is all we have to offer the world- has no intention except to ruin that person. And such people should be dealt with accordingly. I don't know enough about your situation to advise you, but I do feel for you.

Anonymous said...

so if you would have had foreskin to see things how they would be, you could have stole the naked picture of pops and then made copies on that t-shirt transfer paper and sold t-shirts of naked poppy to raise money for your own litigation of naked popster.

still, it's all negative. you say you are in a dark place, go find a place to volunteer. quicky replace this negative exp nwith something pos.

this cant define you. dont let it.

Anonymous said...

ayyy foresight

Anonymous said...

In NY State for many years, we have relied on Mr. Elliot Spitzer for guidance in areas such as these. Two years ago, he said,
"It is, however, defamatory and therefore actionable for anyone, including a former employer, to tell lies about you to another person. If you have evidence that your former employer is saying false and derogatory things about you, you might wish to consult your attorney to consider a lawsuit against that employer."

Anonymous said...

I am saddened by this story, but not shocked because the family I nannied for tried to sabotage my reputation as well, when I took great care of their kids! People are cruel, and although it wasn't as extremem in my case, it was still unfair.
You should definetly sell your story to the media: you poor thing. Those parents are horrible people. The people I nannied for also posted things about me on craigslist, and although they did not use my name, they quoted an advertisement I had on craigslist offering my services. At no time during my employment with them did they ever say they were not satisfied with the job I was doing, although in their posts and to parents in my community (I heard from these parents myself) they said so many horrible things about me that were completely untrue.
I would get these people! They deserve to be paid back for the damage they have done.

Nanny B said...

As a nanny, all I can say is to move on. To not under any circumstances continue to allow this to affect your life. You can find a new nanny position with a great family without using this family as a reference and move on in the profession. Its the same as love, just because one guy was rotten, doens't mean the whole tree is. I do feel for you, I've been in bad positions before and I want to tell you that you can make this into a positive experience and have it help you to grow.

At the end of the day, if you loved that little boy, he will remember it, trust me.

Mrs. M said...

I'm not sure how they did a background check without your permission, but in the future you should be upfront with the "skeletons" and request that families do a background check on your prior to employment. I've always doine that and things are out in the open.

As for being depressed, not paying rent, etc. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Pull yourself together and do whatever it takes to get your head above water. You shouldn't let these people do this to you.

Anonymous said...

Spitzer 2012!

Anonymous said...

Thank you to everyone who has posted good and helpful info. This helps me to know that you have all provided me with a support system.

I'm sorry that "11:51" thinks I am making this into a bigger deal than it is... I made it extremely clean and in all honesty, this will/has changed my life... I am not "Letting it get out of hand".

To "11:08", you obviously don't know the Internet very well and in the State of Maryland, you just go to a certain (free) website, type in ONLY the person's last name and first and bing, bang, boom, it's all there. I AM seeking advice b/c I am in a desperate situation. Thanks for such a "KIND" response at this time in my life.

I am in Baltimore, MARYLAND to "9:50pm".

A huge thank you to Jane Doe for putting this on the Internet. I apreciate all of the comments, good or bad SO MUCH! Hugs to all!!

(Girl who wrote this aka "just kill me")

I love Steve Bartlestein said...

Why are people so mean?

On another note, Steve Bartelstein has the day off.

Anonymous said...

Here is the problem with nannies, especially good ones. If the nanny relationship ends -even if the nanny takes another position- I am sure she would want to stay in the children's lives. But the power in this balance goes to the parents to treat the children however (badly) they see fit. If your nanny has been with you a long time, the seperation is a lot like a divorce. For the same reason it is hard to stay close friends with your husband or wife immediately upon filing for divorce. I can understand that the nanny relationship is an intimate one. I've read books, but anyone going out of there way to willfully sabotage someone's life or reputation is really just reprehensible!

Anonymous said...

You can run a background check on anyone you want. right now. from your home computer. It helps to have their social security but you don't even need that. You can do it with just a birthdate. You are kidding yourself if you don't realize how accessible all of your info is out there!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA...foreskin...HAHAHAHAHA Best laugh I've had all day!!

Anonymous said...

does the npo possee really exist?

Anonymous said...

you should get a restraining order against the mother and look for a job outside of childcare.

Anonymous said...

Why should this person get a job outside of childcare? Why?> What kind of comment was that????

Anonymous said...

She obviously is so upset with the situation that she has no plans to seek work, she was traumatized by her nanny experience, I'm just saying maybe she would be happier in another field. Calm down.

Attorney in Baltimore County, Maryland said...

A friend of mine emailed me this site/post and I am an attorney in Towson, Maryland. I know this happened in Baltimore, not sure if it was in the city or county. I am willing to help you probono to explain to you your rights, what you need to do, etc. If you have any documentation of the posts from CL.org, please let me know. I will send my information to Jane Doe who runs this "Isawyournanny" site and perhaps she could forward it to you, if you are interested.
I have over 14 years of experience as an attorney in civil matters and this IS a civil matter. Have you gone to CL.org and read their policies and information disclosed page? If not, I encourage you to go there because this "mother figure" who has libeled you and defamed your character has done so in violation of CL's terms.
You shouldn't feel that you have no one, because you now have FREE representation by me! If you would like to... I am a female attorney with children and a nanny if that helps too? Looking forward to putting this 'mother figure' in her place IN COURT!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I feel for you. YOU SHOULD definitely get a peace order against the mother and father. You could even file a civil suit for the damage that they have caused you (depression, anxiety, etc...) punitive damages. These people should literally pay for what they have done to you... And you did care for their child... WHAT A MEAN FUCKING WORLD!

Nanny Kate said...

These people perhaps were on drugs? Was there anything about drugs, or dealing with drugs, such as NA books or pamphlets in their home? This is what I am thinking, possibly?? I wish I could give you a hug. I know it's easier said than done, but slowly but surely, you will get back on your feet and do what is right for you, be it a nanny or whatever. EVERYONE has skeletons in their closet. Most people in today's world have depression and/or anxiety... You are not alone! I am a nanny and I could recommend that in your future, if you decide to be a nanny, do a free background check on the people you may work for BEFORE you accept the job... mdcourts.org or .com i think it is!! Public information is free!
In the mean time, what goes around comes all the way back around in any state.

CourtNEY said...

is your attorney working with you on a daily basis to get this all together.? I hope it is big enough to make the news and ruin their reputation. PAYBACK is a bit*h, isn't it?

Don't get mad honey, get EVEN!

Or better yet, you don't need to do anything b/c those "Type of people" probably have hundreds of skeletons in their closets!! FYI, if they filed for bankruptcy, you can still legally sue them. They have a house and car(s) you said... which are considered assets. an idea.

an unamused mom said...

Wow, NPO Posse suggests using spyware, specifically keyloggers, and no one hits the roof. Didn't a mom who says she used keyloggers get a new one ripped? Why would that be acceptable for a nanny? Personally, if I heard a nanny joke about all of the crap NPO posted, I would report them to the police. VERY ILLEGAL!!!!! Even if what you posted was in jest, the fact that you put that crap out on a public blog like this is total bullshit!! I hope Jane Doe removes your comment. It details too many ways a nanny could RUIN a persons life!!! If you do employ that kind of crappy behaviour in your profession, you are an abonimbation.

Anonymous said...

I live in Md and have seen the post that the family has been leaving "just kill me". They are bad.
I know theres a number on Craigslist to call and send an email over to them.
You can get "back at them", do go to the CPS, or police, go to who ever you can, not just because they screwed you out of money but because that little boy who you love needs you now more than ever.
His life could be endanger and your just sitting back.
For his sake and yours GO DO SOMETHING.

Anonymous said...

I highly doubt there is a posse of trained espionage soldiers who POSE as nannies just to take a nanny assignment, get in the door and access the skeletons in your closet.

I am guessing the person was responding in a humerous but outraged way to what she read in the post by the op.

Anonymous said...

At least you were only there a short amount of time and didn't waste too much of your life. Move on from here and just realize that you are better than them. You can't dwell on your feelings of guilt over the little boy. I know being a nanny gets very personal, but in the end, it is your profession, so treat it as such and move on.

Anonymous said...

not amused mom,
sirens a blazing to your 911 call that you heard a nanny joke about using spyware on her boss's compter?

No one should be out to ruin anyone's reputation. On either side. No one has the right to put spyware on soeone else's computer. No one has the right to go through someone else's private documents. The laws vary on how nanny cameras are allwed to be used. Some states say you must tell the nanny. Most states say no volume is allowed. And obvously the only person who is allwed to put a nanny camera in a home is the OWNER of the house.

Did I really need to break that down for you?

When someone comes in to your house and takes care of your children- they give up MORE of themselves than the average person.
You get to know more about their background than you would that secrtary down the hall. Be mindful of that. Do not exploit that. And similarly, if you are a nanny in someone's home, tread carefully on their rights. Most families open their homes and hearts to you. Do not sift through their drawrs and catalogue their posesions.

The parents referenced in this post souns a lot like evil.

lauren said...

Am I wrong not to be concerned by the notion that "Corporate Big Guns" are sending out "Fake nannies" to bury their competition?

Hair on the soap? Someone may have just finished watching a CSI marathon.

Anonymous said...

Yes I was having a laugh! Provoked by outrage that this nanny was so depleted after what she went through that she very nearly signed her post with a suicidal overtone.

Did I need to start with a disclaimer? How foolish of me to rely on the common sensibilities of people!

And three cheers for the attorney who is willing to work pro bono for the nanny! Please let us all know how that works out.

Helen said...

I have had nannies for 13 years and this person's story is deeply troubling. I have had great nannies and I have had not so great nannies. They all came in to our home and were writness to our private lives and thoughts, the hopes and dreams of our children and with that alone -sending them on their way- we were always careful to be fair and even in a troubling situation- as kind as we could possibly have been.

I don't understand why people would behave like this. For them not to let you simply be on your way and live your life to me suggests that they have psychological problems.

I know that doesn't help you, I am just speechless that people- that parents could behave in such a despicable manner.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, if anyone should feel vulnerable and just from the natural course of things; it is the employer who allows the nanny to come in to her home.

Even if I wanted to lash out at a former nanny; which I have never, she knows much more about our family than I know about her! If I had to imagine a nanny of mine behaving in such a half cocked, gunning for revenge, out of control way; why I would then have to fear that she would go on similiar boards and trash talk my special needs child.

I think it is somewhate telling about what the true condition of the nanny is when even though most nanny's possess for more personal information, they often leave their positions wounded or suffering heartache as this OP suggests. And the people posting malicious ads on Craigslist are these cold and unfeeling employers.

Shocking. But it says a lot about how great most nannies are.

Anonymous said...

I dont have a nanny. I'm not a nanny. I have step children I see 2-3 times per month. Isn't it possible that the employer in this case and others simply tried to "go public first" out of fear that the nanny knew too much about them? I don't think it's right but I can see how an employer who runs to the fates to shout bad things might thing they have scored first and even discredited the nanny from any thing she might have to say in the future.

If you are a legitimately good nanny, what are you doing on Craigs List anyway? Why wouldn't you work with an agency that would help you find a GOOD family. Some agencies do investigate their families. People on Craigs List are just trying to either rush the process or save a buck. Aren't nannies placed by agencies offered some degree of protection by the agency if things go wrong?

T. Reynolds said...

To 1:50pm, there ARE GOOD nannies that are posting on craigslist and there are even nanny agencies posting on craigslist. It is given knowledge that working for a nanny agency would require a background check, which this girl probably wouldn't want to do. Are you dysfuntionally unintelligent? haha

Some people on craigslist do not ask for a ss #, or do any type of background check. As for the people that this girl worked for (who sound like they should be sued in my opinion and THEY WILL suffer), it was THEIR FAULT AND THEIR PROBLEM that THEY didn't do a background check from DAY ONE!!!!

And then someone typed that the employer(s) may be scared that their nanny would 'trash talk' about their child. Does ANYONE here know the laws and regulations on Craigslist? (retorically speaking) Most NORMAL people with educations, (be it skeletons in their closet or not) know enough about the legal process that defamation of character and slander or libel is illegal! Why would you think this nanny (who obviously knows her rights) would "gun for revenge, out of control and illegally defame any (special needs child) or any other type of child"? to '1:40pm'

In this case, the employer(s) sound(s) visciously evil and will probably pull another stunt elsewhere or possibly AGAIN on Craigslist.

CALL THE Child Protection Agency, nanny and work with the two attorneys.

THIS TOO, SHALL PASS.. God bless you! You have been through hell and should not have been. Everyone has mistakes in their past and no one should take advantage ot negative things done at a younger age to get back at a person now.

Anonymous said...

Agencies that advertise on Craigs List Should be AVOIDED like the PLAGUE and OUTED.

MollyNanny said...

I like the advice to sell your story. But, I think you will need a good editor.

All the knives around and the nude image in the screensaver, however, would have tipped most professional Nannies off at once. Danger! Danger! There are messages in this not-so-subtle behavior. Unfortunately, many people act badly, and, as a Nanny you are in a position to witness many things that the outside world never sees. But, dear, you mustn't let it ruin your life. The event has passed and whether you will learn from it is up to you.

Wishing you all good luck,
Nanny Molly

BSA said...

can you shed any light on why they turned against you? I have seen employers flip out when a nanny of some years leaves. they feel abandoned, almost like a marriage that ends because of infidelity.

To other nannies out there, especially those wonderful nannies enjoying long standing positions with people you have a high regard for, save everything. Every birthday card, thank card and kind word your employer says about you.
I was fired after 6 years working for people with much influence in Hollywood. I simply took every greeting card, post card, thank you, note card attatched to flowers (to thank me for being so wonderful) etc and posted them all on the internet on my blog.

You never know when things will turn bad. Trust me when I say, I never imagined things would take such an ugly, ugly turn!

Living Large in Redondo Beach,
BSA

Anonymous said...

The comment that good nannies don't post on craigslist is crazy: people from all walks of life post there. I do.
And you know, I also nannied for a family who posted negative things about me on craigslist. They didn't give my name, but posted enough personal information that anyone who knew me or them would know who she was talking about. Unfortunately the horrible mother who posted the personal information about me accompanied it with lies and negative comments about me. It is funny how the "nicest" people can show their true colors behind your back. The family I nannied for never once complained about the job I did. I gave about two months notice and left on what I thought were good terms. Imagine my surprise when not only did I see the posts of theirs on craigslist but also heard through my community grapevine what they were verbally claiming to parents about me.
Luckily my other references stood on their own and I am now employed as a teacher in a Preschool. But it was unfair and ugly behavior.
It saddens me that "professional" people could act so childishly for no reason other than that they are bored and mean.

Anonymous said...

I am almost more concerned about the things a former employer has said to others, ie the "community grapevine" you referenced.

But it must be odd for the "community grapevine" to hear this woman professional woman saying all of these ludicrous and ugly things and to hear the nanny holding her tongue. That alone makes your former employer look like an idiot.

Congrats on the preschool Teacher gig! You won't have to worry about relationships becoming so personal that when they end (ie the child goes to the next grade) the parent goes after you pall mall.

Anonymous said...

Ok well i did go read the blog and although i think they were wrong for waht they did to you .. you are wrong in ways now saying you dont think the mother was molested as a child.. everyone handles that differently, and you dont know for a fact that she was lying .. and about there bills that is of no concern to you you were not there acccoutant yiou were the sitter for the child and that iswhy you were there...

As for guns in the house ,,, that does not matter as long as kids could not get them, i own a gun and i have four kids in my house.. but it is locked up nto loaded or able to ge loaded.. so that does not matter either and i am a wonderful parent.. power worker? the mom how do you think they afforded to pay you? she is not a bad mother for workign

i knkow you think they did you wrong andi am sorry i hope you g et the help you need adn a good job.. im sure you are a wonderful care provider.. but you are mad they sais stuff about you and you are not better your doing the same thing to them... those who live in glass houses should not throw stones..

mabye if they did the background check in the beginning ... you would not have gotten the job at all so either be done with it an dmove on or make your self misserable and keep worrying about this..

be upfront with your next employer and all will be good..
dont get me wrong you were not the only one wrong here most of it was them.. but move on already.. and good luck to you i wish you only the best

Anonymous said...

2:03...what's up with your typing? Its like a 5 year old did it.

As far as ads on craigslist, there are as many shit nannies and families on there as there are in any other classifieds. I have see families that want a nanny but can only afford to pay $150 for a 50 hour work week, they must be nuts. Anyone who hires a nanny without checking references and backgrounds is putting their children at risk. But nannies should also check the family's references and background.

As far as agencies go, I know of several nanny agencies in Baltimore that do NOT do background checks. They leave it up to the family. The nanny goes to the agency, fills out about 20 pages of paperwork and the agency simply passes it on to the family, leaving the family to decide what they do or don't want to do with the information.

Anonymous said...

It is actually not to late to sue them.. due to the fact that they filed
backruptcy has noting to do with you not inless they put you on there
bankruptcy and you didn't show up for the herring when they where being
judged.. I know because I my self have filled and letters get sent out to
everyone you are filling against and if they don't recive the letter it
doesn't count. you still have a chance to fight back... If they still owe
you money and for pain a suffering it is worth it.. whom ever told you you
couldn't sue doesn't know what they are talking about... I have totally gone
through the process and that is what my layer had told me.... Good luck in
your on commings.. You can bring you name back to a better place trust me...
I have had bad things happen and things work out don't worry...

Anonymous said...

It is so obvious that "2:03" is the mother figure in this nanny's situation. The way she types is the EXACT way she typed when using craigslist for defaming the nanny. I remember seeing it. She has very poor grammar skills and she typed everything that would "stand up for" the mother figure. I just find it odd that she would hide her identity and not think someone would put two and two together. She has always used a lot of "..." and misspelled words, with little sayings like the glass house/stone.
I hope she reads this and knows that SOMEONE recognized her "way of writing". Go away bitch.

stephanie said...

I am a stay at home Mom and not at all a fan of nannies. Now I have found something even more lowbrow than a nanny- the nanny employer who uses Craigs List of all things to stain the reputation of the nanny.

Isn't that a bit like ....

oh I won't even say it.

Desperate Nanny who posted this story said...

I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice. It's really nice to know someone out there understands or relates to my experience. This 'thank you' goes to all except "2:03". Jee, wonder who that anonymous MOTHER is? Well at least she got to see what has caused and what this has stirred up to be. She's the one who sent in an email in the past that she wanted to fight this out.

I will not give up. Mostly, because of the support I have received on this website from the good posters~!

Anonymous said...

Wow, for a nanny that is a terrible thing that has happened to you. And i agree about the post above mentioning that one person typed like a 5 year old!

Sue them for emotional distress, medical bills, if you have any, and anything else you can. I'd get every penny out of them. For what they did? They will go to HELL, when there time comes. Sorry to say that, but THOSE people are demons in God's world. Shame on them!

Anonymous said...

To 9:23, say it... i'm not getting your point, in all honesty! A bit like what???

Anonymous said...

To 9:23, say it... i'm not getting your point, in all honesty! A bit like what???

Anonymous said...

Everyone I know has a nanny. Among us, we have good experiences and bad. Mostly good. But no one I know would ever set out to destroy someone like this person!

Goes to show you, you can't buy class.

Anonymous said...

It's not cool to do what this employer did to this nanny. I saw the entirety of comments on craigslist and couldn't believe what i was seeing. you know that under the terms of use for craigslist, that you can not speak about a person,naming them, typing about them in a bad way, or identify who they are by typing 'beware of so and so", "psycho nanny", their name "watch out for her", etc... under violating the terms of use, craigslist will sue you 1,000 for each post you posted by law.

For example, under the terms of use, "h) that includes personal or identifying information about another person without that person's explicit consent;
i) that is false, deceptive, misleading, deceitful, misinformative, or constitutes "bait and switch";
p) that disrupts the normal flow of dialogue with an excessive amount of Content (flooding attack) to the Service, or that otherwise negatively affects other users' ability to use the Service;
s) "stalk" or otherwise harass anyone;"

"It becomes necessary for craigslist to pursue legal action to enforce the TOU, you will be liable to pay craigslist the following amounts as liquidated
damages, which you accept as reasonable estimates of craigslists' damages for the specified breaches of the TOU:
(3) that includes personal or identifying information about
another person without that person's explicit consent, you agree to pay craigslist one thousand dollars ($1,000) for each such message." GOT THIS DIRECTLY FROM Craigslist.org.

Good luck to the 'bad parents'!!

Anonymous said...

Stephanie - 9:23 - So nannies are lowbrow??? For being low brow, I make $50,000/year. I could be considered a Stay At Home Mom - since I am like a second mother to the children - but I am one step ahead of a SAHM, I make money for it. Good money!

I know that if my situation were different, and I needed childcare, I would sure as hell hire a nanny before I would put my child into some daycare center.

I am so lowbrow, yet mom's come to me for parenting advise and I am merely a nanny. In many cases, nannies are better than the mother's.

Anonymous said...

stephanie:
why is a nanny "lowbrow" and how can you "not be a fan" of them? It is an honorable and needed profession. And every nanny is different. To say you are not a fan of them is extremely judgemental.
You sound pretty "lowbrow" to me, actually.
Lowbrow: philistine: a person who is uninterested in intellectual pursuits.
characteristic of a person who is not cultivated or does not have intellectual tastes

Anonymous said...

Oh the endless stream of vgypsies and idiots that have paraded through my door since 2002.

If only....

You don't know how good you have it-
until someone else has it!

Anonymous said...

I felt really bad for you until you mentioned your attorney!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know but I assumed Stephanie meant going after a nanny seemed a bit lowbrow. As a fashionista extraordinairre, I review new designs and profile up and coming designers. I don't always have the ravest reviews to furnish but at the same time I don't reach down to the Walmart discount rack and dissect their fashion directive.

All these people have done is made this nanny and her plight incredibly relative.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Desperate Nanny seeking advice: AN UPDATE said...

I'm not sure what "3:37pm" meant when they said, "I felt really bad for you until you mentioned your attorney". What does that mean? Is it wrong that I have an attorney? I am simply protecting my rights, or better yet standing up for my rights.

AND to the Fashionista extraordinairre, sorry that you think this whole situation is "Zzzzzzzzz". It happens to be my life.

Also, an update on this employer (mother figure), I have been receiving so much JUNK EMAIL in my email account from different weight issue websites.
Funny how you can contact the website with a subpoena and get the IP ADDRESS OF THE PERSON WHO "SIGNED YOU UP".

And not to make anyone feel sorry for me, but I am bulimic and "mother figure" didn't know this. Thanks for the reminder that I am fat!
-I have been inactive on my eating disorder since 2003, but due to the stress in my life, I have sadly gone back to self destruction in purging on a daily basis. Last time, I ended up in the ER.-

Because of the numerous junk emails I have received, it takes a lot of time to get IP addresses (which have all been consistent to one location). So therefore, this whole civil suit I am filing is a lengthy process, but in the end, I will win. In a way, I've already won because I've moved on and learned so much from this. I am also seeking help from an ED program. I have a new job that started today and I pray everynight for God to forgive these people. I will forgive them, but will never forget.

Anonymous said...

She did mean nannies, not going after a nanny. You may be a "fashionista extraordinairre",
but your reading comprehension skills suck. Go back to school.

The poster in question said, "I am a stay at home Mom and not at all a fan of nannies. Now I have found something even more lowbrow than a nanny- the nanny employer who uses Craigs List of all things to stain the reputation of the nanny."

Extremely offensive to nannies.

Anonymous said...

yes that comment was offensive, but more so just mean.

NPO possee, you have never worked as a nanny. Why would your employer leave hair on your soap? To me that implies they are in your shower lathering up and getting intimate with your bar of Dove.

Anonymous said...

to the OP: go sister! Get her for all of us who have been screwed by crazy messed up parents. This is a win for all of us, and you are right you have already won because I'm sure she's scared shitless to be contacted by your legal people.
Go Go Go sis!
-a fellow nanny who has been the victim of slander

Anonymous said...

I'm not a nanny, and I feel bad for you. I skimmed through everyone's comments, and I am taking your side.

I was hired recently by a family who didn't bother to look at my resume or credentials. It was only babysitting at first that turned into a three day a week position. Like your situation, the eldest child was not potty trained and had control of the house. I felt like I had more control of the home my three days there than the mother had 24/7. I left the position and have interviewed for a few positions since that time.

There are some things you can do:

DON'T GIVE UP! If you want to nanny, the perfect family will come to you when you least expect it, welcoming you with open arms. They will love and embrace you, and treat you with respect.

"Interview" the family. There is a website that had questions you can ask the family during the interview. Perhaps this will assist you in finding a better position. Do a Yahoo search and look for nanny websites that have such questions available.

Get references from the family. Ask if they have had previous nannies. If they haven't, don't feel bad about asking for a reference from a friend, or someone that knows them.

Use your instincts. I went to an interview where the father was using a rather loud voice with a three year old. I kept watching the father's body language and his tone of voice. It was inappropriate, and I was happy I didn't get the job, because I didn't want it anyway, after I saw how the father reacted to the older child.

FYI: By doing a Yahoo search, all 50 states have a court record page that has any type of court activity. All you need to check someone's court records is a name and birthdate, along with county the activity occured. A statewide search is also available.

I'm not sure what you can do otherwise then what I have suggested, and I understand what you are going through. I'm sure you are a great nanny looking for a great job, and you will find it! Keep your head up and be strong!!!

And finally:

Not everyone who advertises on Craigslist is a bad nanny or family. An agency once told me that nannies/families who advertise on the Net or newspaper aren't good nannies/families and this is not true. Sometimes agencies screw nannies over, or the finders fee is too high for the family. Also, sometimes agencies place less than professional nannies in the families home, leaving a bad impression with the family regarding an agency. Agencies also tend to shove nannies/families down each other's throats. I know of a few families that have used agencies where the agency was less than professional, therefore, the family advertised on their own. My point is, when you see a nanny or family posting on Craigslist or another website, don't think they are a bad nanny/family. If you don't know them, you can't say anything bad about them!

And last but not least:

To the woman who did this to you, I hope you break a nail from all the typing you are doing and get a bad dye job, because you are mean!

I said what I had to say...*giving the nanny a big hug*

Rachel said...

Hold it- it's entirely possible to do a background check without a nanny's permission. Yes, a reputable nanny background company won't do it. If the family has a friends in law enforcement, PIs, or even a good cyber sleuth they can find out a great deal. My police officer husband runs the parents of our children's friends through the computer before play dates- and we're using just first and last names.

Anonymous said...

OP, Your update sounds very positive, and I'm glad to hear you are starting a new job. Good Luck.
A nanny

Anonymous said...

for the hundreth time, yes you can run a background check ON anyone you want. Anytime of the day or night. All for 50 bucks. Results within 24 hours. And even if the person hasn't done anything wrong or doesn't have any skeletons, there is enough personal information listed on background checks to give someone a whole lot of leeway to ruin your life. This should BE ILLEGAL. You don't need a social security #, you don't even need a birthdate. An approximate age is good enough. I kid you not.

If this scares you, we should all be very concerned. This should be illegal.

And people who fraudulently obtain background checks (ie on people that no longer for them) should be charged with a crime.

Friend of NANNY NEEDS ADVICE said...

Whoa... I cannot believe that a parent or employer would do ALL OF THIS to a nanny b/c she quit and decided to prey upon this person by damaging their reputation. THAT LADY has it IN FOR HER... she asked for it, now didn't she?

I would be outraged if I were you and it sounds like you are doing what you should be doing
1. Standing up for your rights
2. Moving on with another job
3. Forgiving them in your heart
4. Letting others know what happened to you, because it could happen to them.

The entire "BACKGROUND CHECK" thing is totally available to anyone in the State of Maryland for free, if you have internet access to www.mdcourts.gov. All you need is the person's first and last name. It's all there for free. It may be helpful to know the person's middle initial or middle name or date of birth in case there are several "Jane Doe" 's in the area the person lives in. Stop talking about the issue! And for nanny agencies, some may be good but the ones I have used, were terrible. They could not find a job for me. I went through four agencies. Why not try craigslist? Go read the success stories.

I found out that the 'mother figure' pays rent in the home she lives in b/c the father simply wants her in the house for the sole purpose of having the child's mother figure available... She pays rent! So, according to her amount of money she makes (not much), it all goes to her rent and cigarettes. So when that mother figure typed above on this site that she questioned "How do you think they could afford you?" She wasn't paying the nanny. The father was. It's all on the Internet.

Anonymous said...

I'm happy for the nanny that she has told all of us about her Awful Experience. We can learn from it. I have a nanny and found her on CL.org and she is terrific. She had skeletons on her closet, but nothing that would jeopardize our child. Hey everyone makes mistakes. She has been with us for 2 1/2 years. Thank you craigslist and a fyi to parents and employers, never try to ruin a reputation of anyone. That is just so childish. This woman who has done this to her previous nanny must have some sort of mental issue. SHE NEEDS HELP.

I hope that the child doesn't grow up with that woman around. She will set poor examples for him because she sounds like a troubled mother. Very troubled.
And the fact that she will be sued, well that speaks for itself. She deserves it for breaking the law. And now, 'mommy dearest' will have skeletons in her closet that everyone will have access to on the Internet.

*BIG HUG FROM TELETUBBY* to this damaged nanny. May she move on and be blessed by Jesus.

Anonymous said...

so is everyone in Maryland this low class or what?

Anonymous said...

To 6:55 am, I assume you mean the low class employer! Otherwise you have not read the entirety of this page.

Anonymous said...

The only thing more low class than an employer going on Craigs list and spreading venom about some hapless former nanny would be...
well no,
that's it.

Anonymous said...

Whoa

Anonymous said...

Well, I hope you have legal representation by now. I hope you sue the pants off the toxic morons who tried to ruin your life.
Remember this for the future--if you have a less-than-perfect "skeleton" in your past, the best policy is to be honest about it with the agency. Tell them right away, because they will find out after they do a backround check anyway. And if you don't use an agency, most employers will do a backround check on you at some point themselves. And all they need is your name and birthdate to do it.
You'd be surprised at how many agencies and prospective employers will be impressed by your honesty and understanding about the fact that you made a mistake when you were very young. Imagine working for a kind, honest employer (without a single gun in the house!) who already knows about your little "secret" and doesn't mind...because you're a GOOD NANNY. And that is what really matters.
Don't let any of this make you feel ashamed. Nobody's perfect, and the "Playboy magazine" family had NO RIGHT to treat you so horribly. I hope you take a nice long vacation (and buy yourself a house while you're at it!) with the money you earn from the lawsuit against them!
Best of luck.

amy said...

OP- an update would be nice!
How are you these days?
Did you take any actin?