Received Thursday, February 15, 2007
We had a rough experience with a nanny I will call, "R". She has been diagnosed with several personality disorders and refuses to take any prescribed medication. "R" is not responsible for her own well being, and definitely should not be caring for children. She has self medicated herself with various street drugs, and she has wreaked havoc in the lives of many families that were unaware of her conditions. (One example is that she stole my a handful of pills my nephew took for ADD while they were staying with us. My nephew ended up going to the hospital and nearly having his stomach pumped -he didn't take the pills- but the nanny very deliberately suggested she saw him with the bottle.) She is an attractive and petite young woman who very easily plays the pity card to suck a family in. She is often tired and requires a substantial amount of sleep. While she was in our home she visited extremely unacceptable sexual content on our computer while she was caring for our children during the day. She would parade herself around the house in inappropriate attire, and would do anything she could to get attention. Her conduct was extremely unacceptable. I could fill up seven pages waxing on about the problems she caused in our family and neighborhood, but I don't wish to give away her specific identity or mine. And by the by, "R" was my first and last nanny.
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27 comments:
I am usually a silent reader of this page. As a nanny I am saddened that there are nannies out there like this. I love being a nanny. My family is fantastic! I'm lucky --- and I guess so are they.
Interesting story. Thanks for sharing. I am not being critical but would be curious to know how you knew about the personality disorder. Was she upfront about it, but went off her meds?
Clearly this "nanny" was no good, but how did this mother let things get so bad? This seems like yet another example of the person who is ultimately responsible for the children's well being, THEIR MOTHER, being incredibly neglegent. One incident of unacceptable behavior perhaps could be excused if it was immediately corrected, but if you allow a person to care for your children who has demonstrated to you that they are unstable in multiple ways YOU are at fault if any harm comes to the people who's wellfare should be your number one priority.
not all nannies are bad, that is why parents should always ask for references, thats the most important thing..and always call those references!!
Well said to the last poster.You were not too worried about this when you allowed her to stay in your homeeven though you knew all about this.Was she the best you could find for your children? You should be ashamed of yourself!!!!!!!!!
I am a working mother and not one for finger pointing, but how did you get yourself in to this situation? I find this alarming.
I encourage honest communication from my children and from our friends. I appreciate feeback. Sometimes it's tough to hear (for example about a vehicle we just purchased) but I'd rather someone insult me by being honest than cower and assail me with compliments. Perhaps you are a weak person yourself? I can understand no other reason for this situation. And your sister while she was visiting you- she didn't pick up on anything? Or did she and your brushed her off.
Parents, LISTEN to your children.
Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.Parents, LISTEN to your children.
I don't understand why you say you can fill up 7 pages with stories of this woman. She'd be long gone after seedy incident #1, or better yet -- she'd never get even that far!
Parents, don't put your kids at risk. Can bad nannies immediately, and do not, I repeat DO NOT turn around and recommend them to the next family!
This post is crazy: it is the mother's fault she let things get that bad. If you can honestly say that you can "go on and on" about how many things your nanny did wrong, it suggests that you are 1.a fool for allowing it to continue, and 2. a bad parent for allowing it to continue.
You say she has "wreaked havoc" with other families, and yet you hired her. Did you check her references? Parents, if you speak at length with previous employers, and interview thoroughly, many of these bad hires can be avoided.
PLease don't let one wildcard nanny ruin it for you and all the real professionals out there. I don't know where you got "R" from, but try again if you need/want a nanny. This time do a better job of screening referrals and maybe do a background check. Especially important is to ask about any large gaps in time between jobs (jail? inpatient care? rehab?). I'm sure you'll find a nanny to love and respect who won't be putting on lingerie shows or getting your nephew's stomach pumped. Whew! Good luck.
A few words of advice
-Background check (including state and FBI, contacting previous employers and personal references)
-Drug testing at the begining of employment, and during if you have doubts.
-Do your homework, listen to your kids, if you have doubts (like looking at sexual things on your computer) don't trust the nanny with your child
and yes...I am a nanny
And to think your nanny acted like this! I have no prior experience as a nanny, and would love to be a nanny! People like her ruin the profession for good people like us.
To 7:23 - No one in their right mind is going to hire a nanny with no experience. Well... maybe the OP would since she didn't care enough to fire the lunatic after the first incident.
In defense of the OP, I made a bad hire myself once. She was all sugar & sweetness in the interview. Punctual with impeccable references. Week one she was perfect. Week two she began to deviate. By week 6, we had to call the police to get her to leave because she refused to GET OUT when we fired her. Alot of things can happen in a very short span of time. If these incidents stretched over a long period of time, without a doubt not only is the mother to blame, but she is an ass. I just think good people can be fooled. People can be devious.
Another good idea when screening a potental nanny is to check out if they have a MySpace account. Boy, can you learn a lot about a person from MySpace!!!
10:11:
Everyone has to have a first job, unless they came out of their mother's womb with nannying experience.
Yes, a bad hire could happen to almost anyone, but if she can fill up 7 pages of complaints, she overlooked a ton of stuff before firing this nanny. I agree that it should be her last nanny. Some people aren't good at hiring capable candidates, maintaining them and knowing when they're being bamboozeled....until they have 7 pages worth of complaints to publish.
Just to clarify, this nanny was only with us for 9 weeks. While we definitely did see signs early on, this individual had the uncanny ability to illicit sympathy from everyone around her. The only reason she wasn't terminated sooner is because I felt bad for her. And this is not an excuse, in fact it is should be a warning sign. Beware of a nanny who tries to create a sympathetic bond with you. Truly, in some of the things she did, she behaved more like a child than a nanny and I responded like a protective mother.
Bamboozled is absolutely the right word. She played me.
7:39, of course everyone has to have a first job, but to hire a nanny with no experience is ridiculous. There are plenty of ways to gain experience in the field. You can volunteer at a local day-care, you can take child care classes and get certified, you can maybe find a local nanny who wouldn't mind you "shadowing" her for a couple of weeks, etc etc.
Anyway - to OP: you should've been feeling sorry for your children and not the nanny. Put the kids first. Common sense, right?
I don't buy the bamboozled act.
You let it continue too long. If you felt bad for her that makes you stupid, not nice. Your kids should come before some wacko. If they don't, then you're a wacko yourself.
sure the nannies should check up on the parents too see if they are crazy as well
I dated a guy who stole some of my medication.
I think you're right to say that the nanny should check on the parent first and do a background check themselves.
I wish I had done that with the last people I nannied for. If I had known how much they were in debt I never would have worked for them. Don't assume that because they are doctors or lawyers that they are responsible financially, and those are the kind of people to stay away from.
I really dislike the fact that people are encouraging prospective employers to "check for a nanny's myspace". I'm gay and I'm out about it, however, when being interviewed it's not something I will divulge unless asked because I don't want their choice to be coloured by that fact.
I'll probably get ragged on for this, but I am an amazing nanny, as all of my previous employers will contest and to have that reputation mean nothing because I'm a lesbian would be horrible. Granted I wouldn't want to work for people who would allow that to influence them, but that's not the point.
How would you like it if your employers read your myspace and fired you because of content on it?
if u r comfortable enough to be out on myspace, then you should realize it is a matter of public record and I google and myspace check EVERYONE I have contact with.
I have no problem with gay, but do have a problem with reckless, crude or disgusting behavior.
Hi,
You had just bad luck.I am nanny too. I won't lie that it was my dream to be a nanny. If I have choice I would be do something different but I really like my children I take care of. They adorable little crautures ( they just started walk :) )
And something about your "R" nanny if she was drug addicted she won't be good nanny or any kind of good worker, student and parent.
Good luck for future
what location is this?
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