Friday

Help, Advice is badly needed...

Received Friday, February 9, 2007
Help, Advice is badly needed...I just discovered many bottles of wine in our nannies closet at various stages of consumption. I then proceeded to look at her debit transaction reports and realized that she has been making substantial purchases on a very regular basis for months (sometimes every other day). I don't know if she is drinking on the job, but she is most certainly drinking during her time off. She sleeps her weekends away and goes out every single night sometimes for hours on end. Our two and five year old boys love her and she has been with us for almost one year. WHAT DO WE DO? DO WE FIRE HER OR TALK TO HER AND TELL HER SHE MUST STOP DRINKING? DO WE OWE ANYTHING TO HER IN TERMS OF GIVING HER A SECOND CHANCE? -M

96 comments:

jaycee said...

What business do you have going through your nanny's debit card transactions? If nanny is not drinking on the job, how is that your business? Maybe she keeps the alcohol out of site out of respect for your children. I mean, how could she possibly now you would be prowling through her room like a low life scum bucket. Do you go through her drawers too? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. So uber slimey.

Anonymous said...

What do you care if she sleeps her weekends away? Does your boss take you to task if you sleep past 10 on a weekend? You sound jealous. I am guessing the nanny is hot and dh has his eye on her and your are envious. Envy is so ugly.

Anonymous said...

The advice I have is for your nanny:
Pack up your bags sister and find an employer who respects your privacy and individual rights. The slaves were emmancipated, perhaps you haven't heard.

Anonymous said...

after you fire her, make sure to point her in the direction of a good employment lawyer.

Anonymous said...

Why are you looking in her closet and reading her bank statements? Even if a nanny lives in your house you should still respect her space. Just because she has wine bottles doesn't mean she has a drinking problem. I have many bottles in my kitchen that need to be dumped out and put in the recycling, but I probably have on average two glasses of wine a week. And if she is off work- why does it matter where she is and for how long? And who are you to control her spending? You're her boss- not her mother. If she is doing her job and keeps the children safe and entertained- on what ground do you think you should fire her?
She obviously isn't comfortable living in your home and you obviously don't trust her or you wouldn't snoop. I do think you owe her respect.

Anonymous said...

If I felt the person taking care of my children was so lowly that she deserved to have me rifle through her personal possessions, I wouldn't have her taking care of my children in the first place!

For your sake I hope your post is a joke. If not, I would bet dollars to donuts, your husband is sleeping with atleast one other woman. Because you just sound like too much!

Anonymous said...

(or not enough!)

Anonymous said...

We've had live-in nannies for 12 years now. In my experience, this is a very bad sign and she can't only contain in to the weekends. No matter how responsible she seems, she must be driving like this, and even if someone else is driving when she goes out every night - you don't want her tired and hung over watching you kids. We've been in the same situation and it only gets worse, not better, she needs some growing up to do. And the kids will love and adore another loving, fun, caring nanny that you replace her with.

jmt said...

Wow. How do you justify going through an employee's private banking records? You found the bottles, fine. But digging through her private stuff? Wrong. Have you ever suspected that she is drunk on the job? Then fire her. You crossed a major line, lady.

Anonymous said...

Shame on you for going through your nanny's things!! I hope she reads this and gets out quick!! You are a terrible person and do not deserve a loving employee!! Stay home and raise your own damn kids..allthough with you as a mommy they are better off being raised by a nanny!!Hopefully she can teach them some manners and self discipline!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow... we don't know why she was snooping, if the debit card was hers/the nannies... there's a lot unanswered here. To assume this parent is a bad person or is a low-life for snooping is just wrong-headed and doesn't help if she is looking for legitimate advice. There must be something that drove her to the closet... perhaps she picked up the nanny's cleaning, or something legit, not sinister. Or perhaps she was suspicious but felt worse asking than looking (not that it makes it right). I am not saying snooping is ok. However, if this woman suspects that the nanny might have a drinking problem, well, that's not something that turns off during the day (I'm not saying she does have a problem, but if she does, it's not just an off-hours thing. I would suggest popping in unexpected to see what's going on, unless you truly feel the kids are in danger and then you may need to act sooner.

Why don't some of you give this woman the benefit of the doubt (again, not condoning snooping) and put aside the nastiness to answer the underlying question: my nanny may have a drinking problem. what do I do?

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA.....The MOTHER picking up the NANNY'S drycleaning!!!???? HAHAHAHAHAHA, I've never heard of such a thing!! I cannot stop laughing!

Anyways, my advice to the mother....PERHAPS you have driven your nanny to drink with your CrAzInEsS!? LoCo!!!

Anonymous said...

6:16 - Nicely put. Very nicely put. Pretty soon, people won't come here for help for fear of being chastised.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the nanny stocks her room with your hubby's favorite wines so after you fall asleep at night, he can saunter in to the nanny's quarters and rendezvous?

Anonymous said...

oh come on!
People snoop.
I snoop through my best friend's house when watching her house. I would never admit outloud that I have been through nanny's stuff. I've read her email. I've seen her "treasure chest".
Cut this woman some slack. She found something that concerned her during some good natured snooping.
Do you keep alcohol in the house?
Do you drink? Maybe that is a way to introduce the subject, "we dont keep alcohol in the house". End of problem for now. I know a lot of secret drinkers. They are perpetually "buzzed" rarely stumbling drunk but often behind the wheel of a car. Scary. Like the ads say, Buzzed driving IS drunk driving.Good luck. I love to hear questions from other parents. Let us know how this turns out for you! PS Install spyware on her laptop. Good times!

Anonymous said...

Well, wrong or not, you snooped and you found... what sounds like a big problem with your nanny. If you care for her and want to give her a second chance, do so. However, you must ascertain the degree of the problem and what, if any, treatment is needed. Then you need to offer time off (if needed) and the funds to pay for the treatment.

Anonymous said...

My nanny has a 10 x 10 bedroom in the basement with an attatched bathroom and seperate entrance. She does not have a kitchen. If she wanted to buy alcohol, where would she put it? Probably a closet shelf. Maybe she has friends over or goes to dinner and brings wine as a gift. Statistically speaking, if you drink alone you have a problem. And if you have a kitchen- and still keep your liquor in your closet-I'm guessing you're six months past due for a two months stint in rehab.

Anonymous said...

My husband installed a mechanism on my car that requires that I blow in a device for a BA reading before I can start the engine. Even this is fallible. I can have someone else blow for me.

mt said...

Winos don't make great pet sitters so I would guess they make less than desirable nannies.

You're fired.

Kate said...

6:16, thank you for a level-headed post. It's ridiculous for people to come on here and attack everyone involved when the OP was asking for advice. If it was the mother's debit card then obviously she had the right to check out the charges (and should have done so earlier). If it was the nanny's personal card, then no she had no right to do that. The nanny's off time should be hers to do with as she likes, unless rules such as "no alcohol in the house" were discussed prior to hiring. Bottom line, if it makes you that uncomfortable, then talk to her about it and ask her to get rid of the wine, or fire her and be honest about why she's being fired. She'll be mad that you snooped but you need to put your kids first. If you don't want her with your kids, then you need to find someone you trust to leave them with.

7:21, sounds like you have issues with your employer... find a new job! My employer often does nice things for me. Just today she brought home some goodies from the bakery for me and my family (and no, not because I'm dirt-poor and can't afford food, because I know someone will probably come on here and say something ridiculous like that... she did it because she is nice!). Some nannies actually love what they do and who they work for.

I think I'm better than you said...

I am a nanny & snooped through my boss's bedroom. I just discovered many bottles of xanax and valium in her bedroom closet at various stages of consumption. I found tranvestite porn and crude toys. I then proceeded to look at her debit transaction reports and realized that she has been making substantial purchases at sex boutiques. I photographed everything I found using her high quality digital camera and placed the prints in a cool, dry place for storage. I also collected a sample of what I believe to be inexpensive marijuana from the deep recesses of a casually discarded ziploc baggy. Then, I decided to give her a second chance to prove to me her ability to be a good employer.

Anonymous said...

your use of capitals in your last paragraph makes me want to scream at you.
are you all about prohibition?
or what?

Anonymous said...

Clearly you must know more.

Don't just sit there, mark the bottles on Sunday night, then see how much she's drinking during the week when she's working.

Do it! And let us know what ya find out.

I'm thinking you should show her the door.

You could, of course, try to be all pc and understanding...but that may get your kids killed in a car accident with this cow drunk behind the wheel.

mb said...

you know what to do. dont b3e stupid

mb said...

oh and have you ever heard of prvacy?

Anonymous said...

"goodies"? How nice for you!

Anonymous said...

933, you are worse than a nanny who sleeps with her charges daddies. you are low. just remember, karma will come back and bite you in the a@@. who do you think will get in more trouble? your employer, or TRASH like you? think about it.

jmt said...

9:04 PM Why would a family have to provide funds for the nanny's detox/rehab?

Anonymous said...

Many companies provide rehabilitation and time off for such should their employees have a substance abuse problem. Since the employer of this wino seems to like her, that would be an option. Certainly not unheard of.

Anonymous said...

You have a right to decide who can and cannot live in your house. If you don't want a nanny that drinks at all, whether she has a drinking problem or it's just the occasional glass of wine, you should talk to her about it and if she's not willing to stop drinking - let her go. Just as you found those bottles of wine, your children could find those bottles of wine and finish them off... so don't compromise your beliefs for the sake of someone else's feelings. After all, we're talking about the possible saftey of your children - them finding and drinking that alcohol (at a young age) would be very harmful to them.

Anonymous said...

She sounds like a Craigs list Nanny to me. I bet she even cleans the house. Hire real nannies & you won't have these kinds of problems.

Anonymous said...

I hired both of my fabulous nannies from Craig's List. They had college degrees, great references, years of experience, fine manners -- they were all around great ladies.

It's a great resource if you skip the

GR8T NANI 4 U posts.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the wine bottles were "planted" there to catch you snooping...Maybe you are driving your nanny to drink..Maybe you should issue a breathalizer every time she walks in the door, begins her shift and ends her shift...Maybe, just Maybe you need to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

7:02 AM: I have hired two nannies and several evening/weekend babysitters from craiglist and they have all been wonderful. I conducted a background check and always get input from my 6 and 8 year olds about how they feel about the nanny

Anonymous said...

913 AM,
you said:
"I hired both of my fabulous nannies from Craig's List. They had college degrees, great references, years of experience, fine manners -- they were all around great ladies."
I say:
Why in the hell would a nanny that well qualified sell herself on some skeevey sex based sight? Why wouldn't she use an agency, an upscale agency that could guarantee her an enviable salary, health insurance and all the perks. In other words why would a well qualified nanny settle for working for someone who is to cheap to pay an agency fee?

Anonymous said...

I know boatloads of nannies, my own as well as nannies of friends, who had bad experiences with agencies.

From my standpoint, I would NEVER, EVER pay an agency fee to do what I can do for free and more importantly, BETTER than the agencies can do.

Their screening process is not all it's cracked up to be, as sadly many people have learned.

I trust only myself to screen properly. I trust only myself to find someone for my children.

Agencies suck.

Meredith said...

If you nanny is over 21 and you've never told her that alcohol is forbidden in the house, there is nothing inherently wrong with her having alcohol in her room. You should not have been going through her closet and you CERTAINLY should not have been going through her bank account records. That is appalling.

That said, if she's buying alcohol every other day, that's disconcerting. And not that you know, you can't just ignore it. If I were you, I'd confront her about her drinking. But be prepared for her to quit on the spot when she discovers that you were snooping.

As for craigslist vs. agencies... I don't see the problem. Placing an ad for a nanny on one of these sites just means that parents are willing to sift through the dredge on their own. I've heard TONS of horror stories about nannies who came from agencies -- just because they are represented doesn't mean they are good quality. Parents still should be checking their references and backgrounds. And if they are going to be doing all that anyway, why pay a huge fee to a company to send you candidates?

As a professional nanny with a college degree, tons of experience and excellent references, I've been registered with agencies in the past and was disappointed with the families they found for me. I do a ton of legwork on my own when I'm looking for a job -- including posts on nanny finder websites. (I've never used craigslist, but I would consider it in the future.) Going through an agency doesn't ensure ANYTHING. All of my best job offers came from employers I found on my own. I make a great salary with full health benefits and tons of perks. I work for a family I ADORE who treats me like gold. I found them online without an agency. The family I work for spent plenty of money to properly screen me and bring me to town for the interview. Money was never an issue. They were not too cheap to pay an agency fee, they just wanted more control over and involvement in the hiring process. I hardly think that should be considered a bad thing.

Anonymous said...

9:27 AM I am a highly qualified nanny who has used Craigslist. (College degree, CPR certification, swim, ride, play an instrument, newborn through school age experience.) I have been pressured by agencies to take jobs I didn't want. If they send you on an interview, and the client offers you the job, and you turn it down, it puts them in an awkward position. They are working for the employer, not the nanny. They are not about finding you your dream job.
Yes, there are many bad nannies and cheap employers on CL. There are also some terrific nannies and generous employers. It took me some time, but I found a wonderful job with a great salary on CL.
By the way, the very wealthy who would only use an agency are sometimes horrible to work for. At the same time, some families make financial sacrifices to hire a great nanny at a top salary. And don't kid yourself that the agencies do a good job screening. I have met some awful nannies who were hired through agencies.
A nanny

Anonymous said...

To the original poster~ Do you drink? Even occasionally? If you do, don't expect your nanny not to. Not everyone who drinks has a drinking problem

Anonymous said...

to you above:
She sounds like a closet drinker. If she has NO problem, why the buying every other day? She stashes her alcohol in her closet-- hence comes the name: closet alcoholic

Anonymous said...

M IS BACK...

Wow, I am surprised by all of your comments with regards to our nanny both the positive and negative. Thank-you.

I should have prefaced, why I snooped in the first place. Several weeks ago, my mother who was watching the children on the weekend told me that our nanny came downstairs had fresh alcohol on her breath. I assured my mother that what our nanny does on the weekends is HER business. Then a week later the nanny told me that she helped herself to MY bottle of wine which she consumed in two stages - on a Tuesday and Thursday night. I was irritated, but didn't say anything as I have in the past told her that I want her to feel at home. My husband and I drink wine with dinner a few times a week and always offer her a glass or two (which she never turns down). I also knew that she at times kept wine in her closet as our younger son went into her room and opened the closet and my husband ran after him. Our nanny was horrified and told me that she wondered if my husband would be mad. She also told me that she had received the bottle from a fellow nanny which I really didn't care about and I told her to relax as we are "down to earth" about stuff like that.

Then this past Friday, our nanny came downstairs and I smelled stale alcohol on her breath which she tried to conceal with mouth wash and perfume. THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME AND MY GUT TOLD ME TO SNOOP. Right or wrong, I felt compelled to see for myself what was going on. When I discovered the bottles. I too like some of you bloggers thought that she must be saving up these bottles (some of them 5 litre ) boxes of wine) but again, I had to be sure and her bank statements were out in plain view. That is when I discovered the frequency.

Even if she is drinking just on her time off, surely it must be affecting her to care for the children? By the way, she does not drive.

Oh, and here is the kicker... I asked our older son who is almost 5 some open ended questions about the nanny and he told me that she dug her finger nail into his wrist because he wanted a cookie when he knew he wasn't supposed to have one and he also said that she slapped his wrist with her hand "on one hundred occasions". Okay so I know it was not that many times, but perhaps two or more.

What now???

My husband and I want to talk to her tomorrow. Bottom line is that she has a drinking problem. To the person who asked what do I care what she does on her weekends? Well I do as she seems depressed and that is why she is drinking and smoking. If she is feeling like crap, again this can't be good for our children. She gets so irritated by our 5 year old (who is a handful by the way). But she is a good worker and she is a hard worker. She also does programming with our 5 year old and is wonderful with the two year old.

HELP!

Anonymous said...

what the hell is "programming"?

These posts certainly make me feel I lucked out with our nanny!

Anyone and I mean ANYONE who drinks wine from a box has a problem.

Anonymous said...

How can you say she's a good worker if she slaps your child, hand or otherwise?

How can she be a good worker if she gets "so irritated" by your 5 year old?

And wine out of a box?

You need to can this chick.

karen said...

Where do you live? I am just curious how the nanny who doesn't drive is able to go out and about and purchase alcohol. I don't know a single nanny that can't drive that is qualified to care for my children. Unless of course you live in NYC. Please explain. Because a slap happy, abusive, non driving, alcoholic nanny doesn't seem like losing sleep over.

Anonymous said...

Do you have a mother's instinct? If you have a suspicion, you fire her. You don't have to be nasty about it. Give her severence and send her packing. Why you people take chances with your children is beyond me!

And boxed wine, while certainly gauche is probably good enough for a nanny. Someone has to buy/guzzle that crap.

Anonymous said...

drop the sarcastic, rude and condescending comments and answer the question. No one needs to come here to get chastised by idiots.

Anonymous said...

12:14:

I wouldn't even bother with the severence! Her behavior does not warrant any.

Anonymous said...

my rule is to send them packing as soon as I have a suspicion. Because it is POSSIBLE I could have fired someone who didn't deserve to be fired, I always give severence.

Anonymous said...

Yea, fire her.

Anonymous said...

Check your husband's breath. He sounds pretty sketchy.

Anonymous said...

You have every right to snoop if you smell alcohol on your nanny's breath during work days. All of these idiots claiming they wouldn't snoop are liars. Or idiots. These are your children, it's your job to protect them, and if it means snooping to confirm suspicions, snoop away!

Anonymous said...

I have a keyrecorder installed on my nanny's personal lap top (in her room) just so I can monitor what she says about me and our family to her friends and family.
It's the safest way to go.
Your repuation is everything and many a nanny has got rich off of her bosses personal story.

Anonymous said...

"She's a good worker" you say? Well, that explains why you haven't done what you obviously need to do with a wino nanny who abuses your kids. Gets those floors pretty shiny and clean, does she? There's a reason for your hesitation and I don't believe it has a thing to do with you having compassion for your nanny.

Anonymous said...

1215..you are a major SICKO!!!!!!!!! Like you have anything in your life of enough importance to worry about a nanny selling your info and getting rich off of you!!!!! Please!

Anonymous said...

12:15 PM
Just so you know, if I ever found you were recording me, I'd use the full advantage of your abuse of my civil liberties and sue you. That's after I was done criminally prosecuting you. You'd be working for me when all was said and done. I like my cars waxed bi-monthly, thank you.

Anonymous said...

"And boxed wine, while certainly gauche is probably good enough for a nanny. Someone has to buy/guzzle that crap." - 12:14 AM


I'm so glad you think so highly of the people who raise your damn kids. Maybe if you thought more of your nanny she would treat half of these families, including you, better (i'm going on a limb to say you have a nanny, because a. I dont think a nanny would say that b. you're on this site). Also maybe if 99.9 percent of the families who have a nanny paid them more than $4 an hour your nanny wouldnt have to resort to cheap wine to forget about their bitchy employer who makes their job a nightmare, but they stay because they have become fond of the children they basicly raise until the childs biological mother or father remebers "Hey! i have a child! Hey! they dont know I exist!"

As for the original poster, its her free time. If you feel its a problem while she is on the job then take action. Until then talk to her. Its your children's life you have to worry about. Other then that put your self in her position. Would you like your employer (or husbands) checking up on if you drink on your time off? Or checking your bank statments? Because you seem like a professional women I would think you would want to be asked about it, rather then fired because of activities you do on your own time. If shes is a good nanny chances are she isnt drinking on the job.

I hope this doesnt seem rude, or rather the latter doesn't.

Anonymous said...

wow.

Anonymous said...

BTW, 12:15, forwarding this to all nanny groups online, nanny blogs, you name it. Your nanny will find you and when she does I'll personally help her find a lawyer.

Anonymous said...

My nanny makes $15 an hour net (we pay taxes over that). Still, I just can't imagine she should sime the same ports as I.

Anonymous said...

Installing spyware on your nanny's computer (or anyone's) is illegal!
Having said that, if you treat your kids like shit & your nanny like crap- I am guessing you do have a lot to fear. But most employers DONT!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...It seems, based on the limited information you shared that you have not noted any behavior exhibited by your nanny that would make her seem unfit to take care of your children. It was not until you snooped and found the alcohol that you now doubt her ability. What she chooses to do on her off time is her own thing, as it is her own time. If her behaviors during her working hours are not acceptable that is one thing, but like I said you did not provide anything that said that. On the other hand, I think you are forgetting it is a employer-employee relationship, in any other job an employer does not have any clue what their employee is doing on their off time, and do not question such until their performance is unfit. I am not saying wait until she is a drunken mess, but if you are happy with her now…Perhaps you should let it be. I am a nanny, and I work for a very affluent couple. The father is an functioning alcoholic, from the time he works up to the time he goes to bed he is drinking Jack Daniels, Vodka, etc…The wife is a doctor who provides both herself and him plenty of Vicodin, etc…I could go on and on, but I want you to realize that it happens both ways…Personally, I am a lil confused as to why you choose to snoop through her items, but…Anywho, let us know what you decide.

Anonymous said...

A Nanny is an adult and can have a glass in the evening/weekends if she so chooses. You have no right to "Rifle " through her personal space.

Anonymous said...

For the person who stated that she put a keyrecorder on the Nanny's laptop which is in the Nanny's room. Legally you don't have a leg to stand on and could held legally liable for trespassing.

Deborah said...

12:15, you have a heck of a lot of nerve.

I hope your nanny hears what's going on from this site or another and sues your creepy a$$ after she files criminal charges.

Or maybe you're just lying to get people riled up? That would be skeezy (and the sign of a bored mindless person) but better than actual blatant invasion of privacy.

Anonymous said...

My computer guy said to download lavasaofts adaware at www.lavasoftusa.com software or Spybot Search and destroy at http://www.spybot.info/en/spybots/index.html to find a key logger program.

This is really disturbing. I hope I never worked for such a monster who would infringe on my civil liberties.

Anonymous said...

My boss has access to all of my email on my computer and the websites I visit. Why so overprotective of the nanny's privacy.

Anonymous said...

This is funny as hell. I know a few nannies who are proficient on computers but they act like they can't google "winter coat". Why? So their boss doesn't know that they use her computer when she was out. And by use, I mean use it for their own use and to snoop on their bosses. It can work both ways. So alert to all you employers of nannies out there- if your nanny pretends she doesn't know computers or is knew to them-
she is LYING.

Anonymous said...

3:00, that's because your boss owns your computer and you use it on company time. But this is the nanny's personal computer that she is using on HER time.

Big, big difference.

Would you like your boss to install such a thing on your home computer? Read all about what you did last weekend and that you are looking for new job? Know about your friend's weekend in Vegas?

Just because someone is a nanny does not mean she is not a person entitled to the same thing YOU are.

Anonymous said...

for 3pm annomous who says that her boss has acces to her computer and websites that she visits and why be so overprotective of Nannies privacy?
The answer may lie in the act that your work computer is provided by your employer and is not yours personally. If you took your personal laptop to work your employer legally could not touch it.

Anonymous said...

12:15, with you crazy people out there, I'd rather live in a homeless shelter and work at McDonald's than ever, ever be a live-in nanny.

Anonymous said...

By the way, 12:15, who are these nannies who have gotten rich? Are there like 3 of them? Who can now afford to go to the dentist, unlike 90% of the nannies out there.

reena said...

You are thinking of the Brittish. (Bad teeth)

Anonymous said...

First of all, it's British, not Brittish.

But NO, I am thinking of me. Because I have not been to the dentist in years. Because I was a nanny until last month. Nor was I able to afford to go to the eye doctor, and I had to buy my own health insurance. A large percentage of nanny employers are not doing right by their employees, and it's absolutely ridiculous of 12:15 to say we get rich. Are there even 5 successful nanny authors out there?

Anonymous said...

My advice to you is to take pictures of her wine in her closet. and oh yeah, PIPE DOWN.

Anonymous said...

I have only had one nanny job: I took it to make more money than at my job as a daycare teacher. It was a horrible experience. The couple were doctors. Although they never told me they were not satisfied with the job I did (I worked for them for a year until I went on maternity leave to have my baby and I took better care of their kids than they did) after I left the job they spread horrible lies about me to parents in my community, among which were a)that I was unreliable, a crock of crap since the only time I took off was my allotted sick time which I still had some left of when I left and I only used it for doctors appointments, (I was pregnant, after all,) and that b) I had posted negative comments about them on the internet which was ridiculous. I would never do such a thing: they obviously wrongly assumed a post that I had read or been to was my own. They were both paranoid and delusional.
The worst part was that they never voiced their concerns to me. They waited until after I had left and told all of these dead-wrong assumptions to several other parents in our very small community.
Luckily, my other references stood on their own and I now have a teaching position. Now that I work for an accredited childcare center again, I feel so much more secure and protected against wackos like them and the OP here. Imagine going through your nanny's things and bank statements.
I would sue the bejesus out of that woman if I were the nanny.

Anonymous said...

12:15 I am sure your "personal story" will never turn into any best-selling novels so I doubt you have to worry. You sound horribly boring.
And the reply that said that it is illegal to install spyware on your nanny's personal laptop? They're right. I hope your nanny finds out and sues the crap out of you.

Anonymous said...

Is the OP still here? If so, have you decided what you are going to do about the situation?

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you looked at her bank statements! That's against the law! You have no right to go into her closet either! That's invasion of their provacy! I wouldn't want to work for you!

Anonymous said...

OP asked if they "owe anything to her in terms of giving her a second chance" -- what first chance did she blow??

Anonymous said...

Maybe the real question is "Do the employers deserve a second chance?"

Anonymous said...

12:15 pm who had a key recorder installed on her nanny's personal laptop. Just so you know, your post is all over the nanny chat sites. here's hoping your nanny finds out and you are prosecuted!

Anonymous said...

As an impartial observer to this commentary, I have to wonder how a nanny would find out? Spyware usually runs in stealth mode. How would she find it?

My suggestion to employers of live-in nannies is to provide them with a laptop. Have it in existence in the "nanny room" and that way you are forcing them to behave like corporate employers and abide by the same restrictions corporate employers have on our bosses computers. Namely- no privacy rights.

Anonymous said...

I meant corporate employees, obviously.

Anonymous said...

I find fault with poster 8:21's line of reasoning: it is true that in a corporate setting you cannot have "privacy" with the company's computer. However in a live-in nanny situation, while the nanny is there and it is her time off, it should be considered her home.
If I were a nanny and the parents provided me with a laptop, I would prefer to use my own PC and would of course never put up with any spying in my room or quarters, especially in my computer or bank statements.
I am glad that post is all over the nanny chat sites: I hope that horrible parent gets busted.
I feel bad for her kids, I really do.

Anonymous said...

I can almost profile the fool who boasted of her spyware. She is probably wealthy. She probably has no known accomplishments in her life except being wealthy. And so the power afforded her by her wealthy causes her to treat people like property. No matter what you say, I doubt you will ever convince her that the nanny is human. She would probably dog new legislation for a nanny 3/5 compromise. sickening. and she has children? Children learn by example and this is truly tragic.

Anonymous said...

8:21, what on earth is your reasoning? Have you even been a nanny? Would you like someone to bug your personal computer, or to only be allowed to use a corporate computer in your own home?

That's insane. You could never search for a better job, or e-mail your friends, or have any sort of normal life.

What kind of person would be willing to give that up and be a nanny? No one I'd want to hire.

Being a nanny should be made a BETTER job than it is now, not a worse one. Because if you want decent, healthy people to want to be nannies, then you have to allow them to BE decent, healthy people with lives of their own. It would scare me to hire someone who did not want privacy and a social life.

Nannies are childcare specialists, not slaves or domestic servants.

And just try this: treat your nanny well, so she won't have any stories to tell about you.

jmt said...

hi 10:21 What's a 3/5 compromise?

Anonymous said...

You need to approach your nanny and let her know you are aware of the problem However, she may ask why you were in her private stuff, which is wrong. The point is, you need to look out for your kids. If her answer is enough to alarm you, she must leave.

Anonymous said...

12:15, what is a repuation? Your spelling and grammar would indicate that you are hitting the bottle yourself!

Anonymous said...

"what's a 3/5 compromise?" Really???

Not to act holier than thou, but maybe we would have a much richer understanding of the world, both as nannies and parents, if we bothered to try and, um, understand the world. Read a history book.

I am frightened for our children, be you a parent or a nanny.

In fact, I am terrified of this whole conversation.

OP. Please do what you think is best to keep your children safe, but please, PLEASE attempt to raise them in a way that promotes compasion and understanding. It is a very diverse world out there, and embracing it can only enrich your childrens' lives.

If there is a drinking problem it must be discussed, but if you are all as crazy as I think you are, I hope I never have to hire more than the occasional baby-sitter. And certainly hope I don't find myself in any parenting groups/playgrouds with these parents.

Best of luck to all concerned.

jmt said...

hey 1:16 AM "holier than thou" bitch. So what IS a 3/5 compromise? You reamed out the world for not knowing, then never deigned to elucidate us all. I am not afraid to ask a question or admit ignorance on a topic. I'll never grow if I don't. I'm also not afraid to use initials to identify myself. It's easy to snipe at people from behind "anonymous". Isn't it, you coward?

jmt said...

Okay. I looked up 3/5 compromise on Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-fifths_compromise

It has to do with the early congress deciding that slaves should be counted as three fifths of a person since they couldn't vote.
I imagine the poster @10:21 was trying to point out that nannies are treated as non-persons much of the time. I didn't put the 3/5 comment together that way myself, so I missed the reference.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Anonymous said...

THANKS JMT FOR EXPLAINING THE 3/5 AND OOPS SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

Anonymous said...

Can the nanny go through your receipts. is she hurting the kids. dont you drink too. is this behaviour detrimental to th ekids in any way. suppose she was going through your stuff

your mom said...

Maybe if you had raised better kids, the nanny wouldn't have to drink away her sorrows at having to deal with them every day. Betcha didn't think about THAT, now did ya?

Anonymous said...

you can attack this woman for invading her nanny's private space and personal property, but what do you know about the children?

Nothing. You're just another idiot bitch. "Your mom"

Anonymous said...

first of all if you such a caring and loving mom in a way that you worry about what the nanny does in her spare time,when she does all in her power to respect you.why are you not asking yourself why she chooses to drink when she's with a perfect and loving family?maybe because a host mother is a bitch who thinks nannies are nothing but lowlife people who can take host parents bitching a nd verbal abuse and emotonal abuse,which is probably what i think is going on since she's not even comfy to talk to you woman to woman about issues that might inderectly tell you that she's troubled.you should be ashamed that you're so beat on the selfestim side that you always thnk digging into people's private matters is the comfort zone for your own weaknesses in life.good you're a parent,but you're not a mother because you have another woman motheryourkids while you make poor aproach to grown ups world.just take time to be a mother.stop treating nannies like criminals when they do you a favour of playing the role you can't play in yourkids life.shut up and aprreciate a real woman's care for yourkids.i wish all the bad people can stop looking for peolpe to victimised.
stop it,it aint right.