Received Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Friday 19th January. Little Scoops - Pleasantville, NY.
Larger nanny with dark hair, wearing jeans and black coat - speaks with English accent. At birthday party with 5 year old with dark hair and brown eyes - named Ethan. Saw this nanny storm over to little boy (not Ethan) and berate him for playing with Ethan. The boys were running around and playfully hitting each other as 5 year old boys do. The little blonde boy sat on the side of the party for the rest of the time that he was there and wouldn't join in any of the organised games. Shame on her for ruining the party for him!
Ethan's Nanny Responds....01/21/07 8:00 PM EST
I'd like to respond to the 3:10 post from Pleasantville, NY.
I am the nanny in question. This was a party at Little Scoops where most of the parents stayed. There were about 25 children. My charge - Ethan was playing with the other boys, unfortunately one child found it amusing to come up behind him and swat him on the behind and then run away - repeatedly. He asked the child to stop over and over. When the party games arranged by Little Scoops started, Ethan tried to participate, but was swatted on the behind again and again by the same little boy. He knows I have a strict rule about being physical and eventually gave up taking part in the party games and came to me and said that he couldn't play because of the other child. I then went to the little boy who was sitting next to his mother, knelt in front of him and said - IN THESE EXACT WORDS - "Ethan loves playing with you, but he doesn't enjoy it when you hit his behind and he can't take part in the party games, so could you please stop". His mother looked at me as if I had two heads for daring to admonish her child even though I had heard him run up to her and say "mom, I'm hitting Ethan's butt" - she didn't berate him or tell him to stop. I am ETHAN'S nanny and while I do not intend to traumatise any child ETHAN'S emotional and physical well being is my priority. This could have been avoided if the child's mother had been paying attention to her child's behaviour - unless of course this behaviour is something she condones. I have degrees in psychology and business, and I am not an uninformed, meek, underachieving person who is too scared to stand up for a little boy who understands what is and is not acceptable in terms of playing. If this was a post by the mother who feels that I slighted her in any way - SHAME ON YOU for not setting acceptable limits for your child. And if this is one of the other mothers that was at the party, I feel sorry for you that you have to involve yourself in something that was such a non-event. I mentioned this incident to Ethan's mother and father an hour after the party and believe that I handled the situation with tact and respect. BTW - I do not live in Pleasantville, but rather in Chappaqua, and if I had been the nanny at the Mount Pleasant library, I would have helped the child pick up and reshelve the books, not berate him.
-Caroline
54 comments:
okay..a birthday party? Where were mom & dad. Surley if my child were upset at a party I would notice it and then take care of the problem> Story just does not make sense. can you pls.tell more?
probably a drop off birthday party.
why did the nanny stay if it were a drop off party? Maybe the other kid is a litte sh*t and the nanny (who actually was watching her charge!) saw it. I don't know.. there seems to be something missing??
Is there a chance this nanny works for a family in Pleasantville? She reminds me of a nanny I saw at the Mount Pleasant Library during Christmas break. She had medium length dark, wavy hair and a British accent and had a five year old boy with her. I was at the library with my four and two year old. I turned my back on the four year old( he was within 4 feet of me) to show the two year old something and who knows why but my four year old pulled 4-5 books off the shelf. I whipped around to ask him why he had done that and pick the books up and there was Big Beefy Brit. Waggling her finger at my son and telling him that he did not belong in the library if he could not behave. We exchanged words. This nanny definitely acts like she is mayor of munchkin land.
Yep, that was her. She must really get around. You just have to watch out for those English nannies. They can be pretty scary.
Oh come on. Most nannies are great, and especially most English nannies are usually wonderful. But this woman? When I had words with her, I couldn't for the life of me imagine what kind of person could employ her. She seems so...harsh? Is that the word?
maybe, "cold" is the word you are looking for, a characteristic quite common among the British.
h.o., the nanny had a point about your son.
H.O.
I think that was the librarian,
"Mabel"
I am ever so curious why op used the spelling, "organised". Isn't that also a European Spelling. Have you no love for countrymen?
TEAM CAROLINE!
To have a really great nanny is something most people don't get. Some people have very good nannies. Most people have good nannies. Once you have that Great nanny, there is nothing you won't do to keep her or get her back.
Caroline, you sound great.
An advocate for the child in your care.
I miss my old nanny. She would have done the same thing.
I think it's a shame when other parents don't control their children. I myself correct bad behavior, my son's or another child. I know I've pissed off other parents. But if they don't step up to plate, you bet I will. I've ended playdates when parents turn a blind eye to hitting. Caroline, you sound like a wonderful nanny.
Caroline, you rock! I am also a nanny and there is nothing that bugs me more than parents who refuse to discipline their children! Good for you. You did the right thing!
h o and anon 642..shame on both of you for as my grandma would say "stiring up shit" You both make a very good case for exactley why we need to be very careful when reading these blogs..there is always 2 sides to every story and more often than not women like you just love to make accusations without knowing the truth!! Caroline..you are fabulous! I too am a nanny and my charges...all 4 of them..are my first priority too. Shame on the other mommy for not doing her job!
Caroline,I hope that your post will make H O and anonymous 642 think before they open their big mouths next time!! The family that you nanny for are very lucky to have you..especially Ethan!
Caroline, you sound like a terrific nanny, and I think you handled the incident in a mature and responsible manner. Parents, please be equally responsible when you observe and post. We all want to protect children from neglect and abuse, but an inaccurate, carelessly observed post can cost a good woman her job. A nanny
I highly doubt that Caroline was ever in jeopardy of losing her job because of this post. This blog makes one thing clear, if you choose to employ your nanny; you need to KNOW your nanny. About a month ago, a friend of mine told me she had found my credit card at Nordstrom and that a young woman went up and claimed it as her own and later used it to purchase things. That young woman was my nanny who was doing me a non child related favor of picking up some things for my mother in law who was in the hospital. (Robe, slippers, nighgowns, etc). It is good to have people looking out for you wherever you are, but best of all to be know what the hell is going on in your life without having to have some stranger on a blog tell you about it. Kudos to Caroline who sounds like a top notch nanny. Notice how she had already told her employers about the incident? My nanny communicates with me about everything. She is a friend to me. People suggest that having the nanny as a friend is "sketchy". How could anyone think that the person I deemed worthy of helping me raise my children isn't worthy of my friendship. If something happens and she doesn't tell me about it, as often happens in a busy house- I know her well enough to understand why she did what she did or that she wouldn't have done that or to laugh.
And no less than 6 people, most of those who scoffed at my friendly relationship with my nanny- have tried to poach her from me.
I doubt anyone is going to lose their job. Don't most of the posts say "look closer" or keep an eye on this or look out for that?
Besides it is clearly evident in the OP posting that she was offended at the way the OTHER child was treated.
I have seen the same thing in a RAVE post. Obviously in this case, the person who was offended was partial to the child acting out.
For reference check out Kohls in Port CHester.
http://isawyournanny.blogspot.com/2006/10/kohls-port-chester-ny.html
1243 how about just giving Caroline her kudos and admitting that H O and anon were way off base in their malicious spreading or a story that was obviously twisted to fit their needs in order to make a post! ( a bogus one at that)
Caroline sounds like an awesome nanny. But the person I ran in to at the Pleasantville library was not at all nice. She also was not the librarian. But very clearly, she also was not CAROLINE.
Next up:
Caroline's reality show.
:)
Go Caroline!
I would trade in both my nannies for one Caroline.
From a fellow nanny - good for you girl. if only half of the mothers had the same common sense and decency that we nannies do!
Caroline, you are the type of nanny we dream about!
I love the way Caroline knelt in front of the kid she was berating WHILE HE WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIS MOTHER. Sounds like the sort of child who'd run to mommy and cry about the big bad babysitter if she had done it when he was alone. Good for you Caroline - not enough nannies have the courage to stand up for their charges in the face of snobby mothers.
h o just like you did not know the story at the party..you also have no idea about the lady at the library! Let it go..you are not a crediable witness!
All in a days work for a nanny...
I've had many similar situations- and do exactly the same thing.
You go Caroline...
I never claimed to have knowledge about what happened at the party. The OP's description reminded me of someone I had an encounter with!
I am sure that the British woman at the library was a nanny. Evidently, she was not one and the same as the nanny at the birthday party, but WAS big, beefy and British as described by the poster of the library incident. Who knew there could be two who fit this description and with 'seemingly' very similar demeanors? I am thankful that Caroline had a chance to redeem herself and clarify things thanks to the open-mindedness and fairness in place on this blog. It's very clear that she is extrememly intelligent and quite literate and certainly quite capable of explaining her side of the story.
I am familiar with Ethan and his nanny Caroline. Most of the mothers who come into contact with her (and yes, as SAHMs with 'mere' babysitters, we do discuss the nannies of our children's classmates), wish they could have someone who always seems so patient and kind - even when she is admonishing a child! She is not British, but is in fact South African. If only there were more of her...
According to the OP, "the little blonde boy" (not Ethan, "with dark hair") sat out the games. Huh? Is this just a mistake in the posting?
I think the OP meant that the 'other' child was so upset from being berated, that he didn't enjoy the rest of the party. (It seems the OP was probably trying to cause trouble.)
7:40, ITA, her own child was probably behaving like a maniac, or maybe the OP is the other mother!
Caroline, you sound like a great Nanny! Ethan is lucky to have you. I hope his parents know that you look out for their son so well.
good for you Caroline. If more nannies read this site and answered the charges levelled against them mabye there wouldn't be so many misunderstandings.Well done!
except that had OP not published it here, she could have spread stories about said nanny all over the place. Without the nanny knowing or having the chance to defend herself. I mean face it, that is how it usually works!
Go Caroline...
good for you, caroline. you sound great, and I hate it when people lie their heads off. I'm so glad you stood up for yourself.
I also hate it when parents don't control their kids. the last family I nannied for let the neighbor boy hit their own kids who were a year younger. when I was over, I was the only one who put a stop to it.
isn't it sad that you have to deal with crap like people running their mouths about things they know nothing about? I hate people like that.
anyway it sounds like you will never have trouble finding another job if you ever get tired of that snotty neighborhood you work in.
I hope the people you work for appreciate you.
all this post makes me want to do is chance across Caroline and poach her!
A good nanny is hard to find.
A great nanny is nearly impossible.
Caroline,
One point you failed to address that I would be interested in knowing if is factual:
Did you or did you not "storm over" to the boy?
Also, if the child was used to being corrected by his parent, perhaps he wouldn't have been so traumatized by what seems like a very demure talking to.
Kelly, at this point it is clear that Caroline's veracity is beyond question and that the OP's is not. The inquisition can continue forever; however, the fact that Caroline responded so eloquently and completely to the post - and that she provided her name and town so that she can be identified easily (while the OP has not) rings clear. My reading comprehension may not be the best, but I fail to see how she failed to address the issues. Indeed, she provide much more granularity than anyone could expect.
Caroline need not respond to anything at this point, especially posts that have lost sight of the big picture.
Caroline here,
I never intended for my response to be a chance to pat myself on the back, but I am pleased to note that most people agree with my handling of the situation.
8:42 - to answer your question, I did not STORM over to the child - it would have been impossible to do as there were about 10 people standing between me and him and I stopped to chat to two mothers on the way. I was not mad, just wanted to point out to him that his behaviour was disturbing Ethan's enjoyment of the party.
To 8:30 - I am not poachable for the simple reason that I love my job. The boys are wonderful and their parents treat me better than most nannies can hope for - they are generous, flexible and open to new ideas and discussions - raising these boys is truly a team effort. If other parents treated their caregivers half as well as I am treated, they would certainly be able to attract and retain a higher calibre nanny.
Thank you to 8:02 who pointed out that I am not British - I'd love to know who you are!
Parents that work with their nanny and treat her like she is part of a team with a common goal. I wish there were more of them. I happen to have a nanny that I adore. I am not hesitant to ask her advice on something or to listen to her opinion. It is a team effort. I find however that many mothers, especially in this area go out of their way to hire Caribbean nannies- almost so they aren't threatened by the nanny.
It takes a super mom to employ a great nanny.
just curious, with the psychology and business degrees, why did you choose to be a nanny instead of a professional career?
This is truly curiosity, I am not trying to bring down nannies or be disrespectful
Thanks
I spent 3 years being a successful business owner (with hardly any personal life and a large bank balance), and realised that I preferred working with children. I'm not cut out to be a child psychologist but I have the capacity to enrich the lives of children. In short, it's what feels right for me.
To Caroline,
I am a mom and I dream of having a nanny like you!!!! With degrees in both psychology and business, you should start Nanny School to train future professional nannies on how to be a great nanny.
I agree, money is everything. Success will come if you are happy in what you do.
1228 "money is everything"?????
Your poor cxhildren> PLease get your tubes tied...NOW!!!!
You are a sad excuse for not only a mommy but a human!I hope when you are old and dying..that money comes to your bedside to keep you company and tell you it loves you! If you were any kind of mommy at all your statement would read" My children are everything" Greedy ,selfish,twisted mommy!!!
I am poster 1228. Sorry, it was a typo. I meant to type that "Money is NOT everything" and you should be HAPPY in your profession otherwise you can never find success.
To poster 1201: Are you always fast in forming your negative judgements of people? READ what I wrote and it is in agreement with Nanny Caroline's comment of having a large bank balance and no satisfaction in her business job. Goodness, I guess you are always perfect and god forbid you ever make any mistakes in your life. I hope that people do not pre-judge you without really knowing who you are.
And BTW Poster 1201....
My children are everything to me and this is why I would love to have a nanny like Caroline is both their lives and mine.
why did the OP use the spelling "organised"? I know someone asked this already but in light of the recent fraugulent post and response of Sydney's playground, I am rethinking this post. Isn't organized spelled organised iin south africa? And isn't that where the nanny says she is from?
12:01, relax-
Jeez- can't you recognize a simple syntax error?
4:06 post - you misspelled fraudulent as "fraugulent" - kinda funny - cut posters some slack!!!!
4:06. I might be wrong, but I think most of Europe and even places like India spell 'organize' with a 's'. You might not have noticed, but NY is a pretty cosmopolitan place.
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