Received Friday, December 8, 2006
There was a large, Hispanic babysitter in grey pants and a sweatshirt with a child walking from McKinley Park in Sacramento. The little girl was very fair and had on a vinyl purple raincoat with big flowers and butterflies. The little girl wanted to stay at the playground or something because the nanny got angry and turned around and slapped her hand twice. Then she pointed her pointer finger in her face and said some kind of warning to her. I don't slap my child even on the hand so if I was this child's mother, it would bother me. Whether it bothers you or not-well only that matters if you are the mom. The little girl was also wearing black ankle boots.
86 comments:
I am a nanny and have swatted my charges on the hand on a few occasions..with moms permission. Once when hitting another child with a stick and the 1st verbal warning did not work. The other was when she reached for an electrical socket at the library. I was not willing to chance a verbal warning. I am quite sure my swat on the hand hurt a lot less than an electrical shock. A swat on the hand is NOT abuse! While your intentions may be well meaning..not all children are the same. Your child may respond well to "timeouts" and "verbal warnings"..others do not and for the sake of other children involved and the childs own safety..a swat may be required.
we weren't really looking for a handbook for militant nanny types. the person who sent this in said it best, it matters what the mother of THAT child thinks. Not you, you slap happy freak!
You are right!You are the only one's allowed an opinon on this site!! While you are at it..why don't you go back to school and learn how to spell and write!!! Your paragraph reads like that of a 3rd grader!!!! Maybe you should go back and get your G.E.D. But I guess you are too busy paying attention to everyone else to worry about yourself!!
"The girl wanted to stay at the playgroung or something because the nanny got angry"
"well only that matters if you are the mom"
What the hell is that????? I'm a slap happy freak but you are a dumbas@!!
To the original poster...this is a site for reporting abuse! This nanny may have done something you don't agree with but that does NOT make it abuse!!!
What are looking for here?? Are you fishing for commpliments."I don't slap my child even on the hand"? What abuse are you reporting?
I think the 1st poster(and 2nd too) had good intentions They are probably young. Give them a break!
Does pointing a finger and swatting a hand count as militant?
I am wondering does the original poster have any experience with kids??
I think they are right.Slapping a childs hand makes you a militant,slap happy freak!!!
The whole situation at the park was not made known to us. Were you observing this situation from the time they entered the park or did you swoop in during the end of something????Things are not always as they seem.
You know, you attacked the person who commented on the original post and she was simply explaining to you that there are different situations for different children. All kids are different!Why the attack? I thought she made a fair point.
And why are you so rude???
new poster here and I have to say, I have been reading the blog for 2 months, doesnt she say to report real abuse and take immediate action? Isn't that why there are links on the site on how to report child abuse?
Whether it was well written or not and whether this is poorly written or not- doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what the child was doing. It is either okay with you as the parent that your child is slapped or it isn't. It is or it isn't. And as a parent it is your job to make that clear to the nanny. If this is okay with the parents of that child, then there is no problem. If it isn't then it doesn't matter what you people think as being okay to slap a child's hand- you are not that child's parent!
well said last poster! too many commentators get caught up in grammar, politics, and if the person is in fact the nanny or not! this person posted to let the parents know what happened to their child, not to get opinions on if it's right to slap a childs hand or not! this is the most intelligent response to a comment i've heard in a while!
Hitting a child is NEVER ok...not if you're the mama, the daddy and ESPECIALLY not if you're the nanny/caregiver. Hitting teaches children nothing but violence and that the people who supposedly love them will hurt them if they misbehave.
Jeez people, don't TALK to you kids or anything...no just smack the hell out of them...that'll teach 'em
Okay pc bandwagoner!!! If uncle Sam says it's true it must be true!!! You are full of crap!! 100 years ago people spanked their kids!!! Time outs did not exist!! If you do the math..population per capita in 1900 and 2000 the jails 90% fuller today!! You figure it out!! You are the reason kids grow up with no respect for authority!! And NO ONE on this site is advocating ABUSE..children that grow up getting spanked do not turn out to be violent!!! Children that are abused,ignored and sexually molested might(or might not) because they learned it..nobody ever died from a swat on the butt or hand!You people take things to the extreme and you just go to far!!!!!!!!!There is a big difference between a smack on the hand and" smacking the hell out of them!"
Uncle Sam???
Whaaaaa?????
The increase of people in prison corresonds with the population increase, immigration and the increasing need to live in a lawful society. As opposed to the wild west where you get your statistics from.
How many men on deathrow do you think were punished with time outs? How many men incarcerated in maximum security had parents that believed in/taught positive reinforcement, loss of privilige, consistency and responsibility for their actions? I don't care how many of you make it out of your homes having been spanked and are able to go on and live productive lifes. That happens. I guarantee you your college graduate children will not be have children that spank their children.
.......What's the matter here?
I'm tired of the excuses
Everbody uses
He's their kid
I stay out of it
But who gave you the right
To do this?
We live on Morgan Street
Just ten feet between
And his mother
I never see her
But her screams and cussing
I hear them every day
Threats like
"If you don't mind
I will beat on your behind"
"Slap you, slap you silly"
Made me say
"O, what's the matter here?"
"If you don't sit
In your chair straight
I'll take this belt
From around my waist
And don't you think
That I won't use it!"
Answer me and take your time
What could be the awful crime
He could do at so young an age?
If I'm the only witness
To your madness
Offer me some words to balance
Out what I see and what I hear
All these cold and rude
Things that you do
I suppose you do
Because he belongs to you
And instead of love
And the feel of warmth
You've given him these cuts
And sores that don't heal
With time or age
I want to say
"What's the Matter here?"
But I don't dare say
"What's the Matter here?"
But I don't dare say....
-10,000 Maniacs
Some of you seem to think the only alterative to spanking is total permissiveness. Think about it, to be effective a spanking has to be painful, or create fear. It is possible to raise kind, well behaved children who respect authority without resorting to hitting them. It requires a little effort, knowledge of child development, and yes, intelligence.
Non of the families I've worked for as a nanny spanked, and my charges are all headed to top colleges, not jail!
It is ignorance that leads people to spank their children or to feel that there is no option but to spank them. The intolerance they show for children who are not physically hurt as punishment reveals sadism. None of my friends spank their children and yet most of my friends are very strict with their children. They are all great, well behaved, empathetic and kind children. And to get that- they never had to be shamed, humiliated or hurt by the very people that are supposed to love them.
well all that said..you can also raise well mannered,empathetic ,kind children when you spank! I am an example of that .I was spanked and turned out just fine. I do not think you have statistic that back you up. I think you simply dis-agree and therefore beleive that it is wrong! Maybe you were not spanked but I can guarantee you that more than half the people over 35(that is about the time spanking stopped and timeouts started) here in the US were spanked...know the average age that our prisons hold?? 28!! You figure it out!!!!!
Great comments. I completely agree that hitting a child (or whatever word you use to describe physical contact to punish a child)reflects uneducated, disrespectful and/or lazy parenting. You can raise a child respectfully, politely and safely without spanking. Go to the library and check out the parenting section. Dealing with children can be frustrating and exhausting but there are calm, non-violent ways to communicate with and teach little ones. My parents excuse for completely inappropriate parenting choices was "Well, you kids didn't come with an instruction manual, we just did the best we could." Guess what? There are many, many resources available to guide parents if you take a few moments to investigate.
You people just go tooooo far!!!!!!!!!!
All spanking is not abuse, just as all property is not theft, and all intercourse is not rape.
What does all property is not theft mean?
L,
I think you make idiotic comments just to get people to insult you so that you can then yell at them for namecalling. Just my opinion.
And PS Spanking is archaic and barbaric and part of an uncivilized society. (Imo)
CHECK THIS OUT:
http://www.nospank.net/pt2007.htm
Dear L..shows how much you know !! BTW..you are entitled to your opinon..unlike you, I would never try to take that away from someone..if you think spanking is archaic ..thats your opinon..I will still spank my child and you have NO control over that. As for the name calling..I would much prefer to match wits..and obviously you like many other posters"have a lot to say while saying nothing at all"
You try to convince me that spanking is wrong but back it only with your opinon and name calling yet you want me and others reading this to beleive that you are making an informed and intelligent decision not spank. Convince me..I have been waiting but mind you..people who resort to name calling do not impress me , you bore me... you lost me a long while back!!!Sorry..try again. PS...a thesaurus is a fabulous tool!!!
"All spanking is not abuse" is not an idiotic comment, so I don`t know what you`re talking about.
Google "All property is theft" if you want to know more.
People who spank have no sense of self-control. Next time you "spankers" go to do the spanking, take 10 seconds and count to yourself first...see if after that you still feel the need to spank, or if you are calm enough to instead rationally discuss the situation with your child, expressing your feelings through words instead of violence.
Spankers don`t "need" to spank -- we choose to do it, often after waiting (when a kid still won`t listen). Big difference.
so the experts tell you that you are making the wrong decision and you still make it? what is your point of reference? You are wrong!
Sorry, I don`t trust your "experts." You can find "experts" these days to tell you anything you want. I trust my common sense. Go ahead, call me wrong all yo want -- it doesn`t bother me, because I know the difference between spanking and abuse.
I realize that a nanny slapping a child`s hand is an appropriate thing to post on this site, since not all parents condone it, and some would not approve.
But commenters with a "zero tolerance" for any kind of physical discipline always start chiming in.
I'll chime in.
Find me one expert who suggests spanking is the way to go. Did you see the link posted from the No Spank website? This is a discussion that will not be had in 50 years. When I was a child I ran around all summer in California without sunblock and bounced around in a car without a seatbelt. That was fine then. Now it seems as ludicrous as spanking children will in 50 years. Well it seems ludicrous to me now but it will take 50 years before all you yokels catch up.
Okay, here ya go:
http://people.biola.edu/faculty/paulp/
L you sure like to comment and seem pretty certain about your decision to use pain to discipline your child. Maybe you should write a full length article and submit it to Jane? Then we could all trash you in one designated time and place and you would change your mind and peace would reign supreme on the net and in your heart. he-he-he
Okay, stepping away from every other prison statistic regarding abuse, etc. 93 percent of the male inmates in prison who were raised in either natural, foster or adoptive homes were disciplined using corporal punishment thereby blowing away the theory that you spare the rod and spoil the child.
I comment on other posts besides spanking ones, and gee, guess what subject prompts people to jump all over me and start calling me names? Why ever would I write a "full length article" on spanking to submit to a blog that`s not even about that, so you could "all trash" me at once? Yeah, sounds great.
Spanking happens to be a subject about which I have strong feelings, so I will continue to comment about it. And the namecalling doesn`t bother me at all -- I just wonder why people do it. Do they really think it`s going to get me or anyone to change our minds, about ANYTHING?
L..I enjoy reading your comments! We have several of the same opinons . I like a person who can raise their child and think for themselves with out relying on a so called "expert" to tell them how to do so!Thank you for a different point of view!
I too know the difference between spanking and abuse!
V..can you please give us a website so we too can read what you telling us is true of all inmates???
There's a theory that how you discipline your dog is a fair way to predict how you'll rear your children, and it's true.
Choke chains and a swift verbal cue works almost every time.
Now, if I could only get that to work on my dogs.
Sense of humor..I like it!!
I hope all of you "pro spankers" read the link that 'v' posted. I read it and found it very interesting. And although I am not a spanker, I truly believe that if I were, it might change my attitude towards spanking. If spanking was really doing the job that parents thought it was, of teaching them a lesson, then why would they repeatedly have to spank their child? Wouldn't the message get across? The site backs me up on my beliefs. Why would you want your child to grow up fearing that every time he/she did something wrong that they would be physically hurt?
I speak from experience when I say this. My brother and I were raised getting slapped on the hand and yelled at. I believe that even yelling is a form negative discipline. My brother was yelled at more than I was because he seemed to get into more trouble. We were displine by our father. He is now 21 years old and claims he hates my father, and on more then one occasion has tried to go after my father. He recently moved out and is now not allowed back in my house. The anger that he holds inside of him is aimed at my father who was only trying to teach him a lesson by a slap on the hand or yelling at him. This in itself has taught me that the best form of discipline is positive reinforcement. Anger an annoyance with the acts of a child will do nothing to help the child. Reasoning and explaining what the child did wrong are the best remedy. Don't take out your aggression on a child who really doesn't understand why you are so angry with him/her. And yes these are my opinions and although they are backed up by experts, take them as you may, but please don't attack me or name call me because I find it immature and just a sign of ignorance.
I can't believe a parent out there lets her nanny spank her children! I just cannot believe that! That is triple sic and oh so wrong.
You cannot reason with a 16 month old child! Even the most respected child experts will tell you the age of reason is 8!! Your brother just sounds like a spoiled brat to me!!!You too!
Well they do!!!! They trust their nanny!! Do You trust yours????
Is this because you simply feel spanking is wrong or is it because it is a nanny doing it?
I was spanked. No problems here. Don't hate my parents..don't beat my kids..never been in jail..amazing I must be the ONE who slipped through the cracks?
to 11:29 over-react much?????????
Oh for the love of God, quit equating the inability to reason with a child before he is 8 with the need to spank him! There are other ways!
To the obviously young poster bashing spankers...I do spank my child but I do not show anger while doing so. My son & daughter get a firm swat on the butt..that is it..end of story!! Where is it that you see people violently spanking kids????Spanking was never associated with violence in my house as a child.Maybe your parents show a violent display when disciplining you and your brother and that is why you associate it with how every one else must discipline?!!
Oh for the love of God quit telling me there are other ways..I know that but don't choose them and you hate that someone does not seee things your way..the only right way!! You are one of those let's take it to the extreme kind of people!! Well, I am not buying it! You follow the crowd..be one of the heard that is your choice..I choose a different path and you have NO control over it..so I will continue to spank and you continue to reason with a 15 month old!!
The age of reason IS 8. If you know that why do you say the best way is to reason and explain...to a toddler? Are kidding me????????Toddlers are all different. Some may respond to verbal punishments..some may not..end of story!you do it your way..I'll do it mine
IK do you beleive in banning books?? You do don't you?
Anonymous asks above, "If spanking was really doing the job that parents thought it was, of teaching them a lesson, then why would they repeatedly have to spank their child?"
Whoever said all spankers do it "repeatedly?" I have literally spanked my children only a few times in their lives, when I felt the situation warranted it.
Here`s a link to a study by an "expert" that sums up my attitude very well:
http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2001/08/24_spank.html
You will never convince me that spanking a child of any age has any redemptive value. I am unclear of what you think the connection is to not spanking your children and burning books. But you're wrong. (Yet again).
Happy Holidays! LK, not lk
I do believe in banning books...books like Ferber and Ezzo and the like should be burned. It is disgusting and dispicable that ANYONE would ever do that to their children.
You believe in banning FERBER?
Millions of parents whose babies now sleep through the night would come after you with pitchforks.
LK,My point with the book banning was that just because YOU don't agree with it does not mean you have the right to make that choice for everyone else. If you don't agree with a book..don't read it but don't make that decision for someone else by burning it!. If you don't agree with spanking..don't do it but If I choose too it is NONE of your business!! You do not get to make those decisions!And>>I think ik fits you better!!
There is satisfaction enough in being right.
Quite honestly, LK, those of us who choose to spank think the same thing.
ik,Well the general population does not agree.. as book burning is no longer in effect and if you go to familyeducation.com you will see that 4 out of 5 adults veiw spanking as an effective form of discipline.
4/5 parents in Mississippi
Is this your attempt at a racial joke??? 4/5 in Mississippi? This is the product of a non-spanking upbringing!Thank you for proving my point!
dude, are you infering she was referencing the 3/5 ammendment? one poster said 4/5 people think spanking is okay. myself i would have said, "yeah in enid, oklahoma". I don't know anyone on the UES that spanks their children. So you wouldn't find 4 out of 5 here!
You are wrong..DUDE! More people spank their children than you will EVER know. They just don't talk about it because it's not PC...then you DUDES could not get together and attack everyone!!And facts are facts..look it up yourself!!DUDE
GREAT vernacular BTW
Like Hell it wasn't a racist remark!!!
I thought it was a "hick" remark.
Are hicks a race? I know they sure love to put the hurt on their young'uns.
To the 11:42pm poster..nice name calling there, I like how you so intelligently infer that I'm a spoiled brat through my opinion on spanking. My brother is spoiled, however that wasn't the point I was making. He holds this anger towards my father for whatever reason and I believe it was the way he was disciplined. I apologize if I was wrong, but to me the act of spanking in and of itself comes across as an act of anger from the parent to the child for the child's behavior. I know that I child cannot reason until the age of 8, but what makes you think that they will be able to reason that you are spanking them because what they did was wrong? Let's say your child hits another child- you think that it will get through to them that hitting is wrong if you punish them by spanking them for hitting another child?
To the brat pack......you obviously are repeating something you have heard! I beleive you are following the PC crowd and that these are someone else's beliefs!I hate to see young people sucked into that mind set! Twice now..you apologize"if you are wrong" .Anyone who has strong beliefs on a subject should not and most likley would not be apologizing!Think for yourself! Stop beleiving what you hear. You and your brother were punished the same way with very different outcomes. (or so it sounded)Chances are your brothers problems stem from something else!He may truly be a spoiled brat and need to grow up a bit before he grows out of it..or he may not! I am telling you..it is easy to beleive what society throws your way. Don't be part of the cattle ...make your own decisions. If spanking is not right for you and your children...don't spank..but don't acuse those of us who choose to spank of abusing our children or damaging them for life! We are parents who have made a concious decision when it comes to parenting and we have every right to do so..just as you do! I beleive that too many people take this issue and blow it out of proportion.You must be smart enough to realize the difference between a slap on the hand or butt and abuse!!!
New Poster here...my husband & I think you are spoiled brats too. We have a19 yr old son and 22 year old daughter..they were raised to respect other peoples opinons unlike you,raised to judge those that do things you dis-agree with!(Spanking) our children were swatted on the butt occassionally. They are good kids and we all have wonderful relationships! Our son was raised with firm,loving dicsipline and would never "GO AFTER' his father as you suggest your brother has. Maybe if he were spanked instead of reasoned with at the age of 2 (and slapped on the hand..yelled at)he would have more respect for his family!BTW..we never "yell" at our children..voices are raised only in happy excitement at our home!What a shame..had your parents simply spanked you instead of "yelling" and trying to reason with someone unable to understand..perhaps things would be different for your family! You have our sympathies!
You do not have to display "anger" when spanking a child..we were spanked..my parents were always fair..they never showed anger when spanking us!
Quit saying "following the pc crowd". It's so IGNORANT. It is a fact of life that highly educated and upscale people do not spank their children where as the poor and the dumb DO.
Deal with that political correctness, dumb ass.
Hmmmm. I`m "highly educated" and my lifestyle is "upscale" enough to afford a nanny when my kids were little, and many of my friends are like me, too. And guess what -- most of us swatted our kids on the butt sometimes. I can think of only one person I know who has a "zero tolerance" approach to spanking. So much for "followng the pc crowd" -- and silly generalizations.
No one with class spanks their children. Yet there are people lacking class who have nannies. Do the math.
Sorry -- if I have to stop spanking to be "classy," then I`m just not interested!
Hey everyone, shut the f-up! The whole point of this page is to allow parents to have insight on what happens when they are not present, if something should happen "out of sight." Stop being a**hats! So we all have our own opiniions. Live with it. No one side will ever be 100%. I just found this sight, and think it's great. Leave the comments for people who really care. Please take your arguments out over at MotheringDotCommunes or other parenting forums and leave this one. It clutters up the comment section with a bunch of bull. Sheesh.
Hey Jen..we were here first..so get F@1K out if you don't like it!!!
Wow, brilliant response. Maybe try taking a grammer class. You should have said, "so get the F@@k out if you don't like it!!! And I think it's great that you hide behind anonymous. What, no name? As far as spanking, yes, more children need it. Really. It's parents who think their children are perfect without spanking that choose to turn a blind eye to bad behavior. And then complain about parents/caregivers who do. Because really, those are the ones that do behave.
Jen.. From now on everyone will know you as "Smartie Pants Jen"..you are sooo funny...giving me crap for my grammatical boo-boo's and then using the sentence's and spelling's that you used!! I know..you were trying to get your point across!!Point taken!! TEE_HEE..you are FUNNNNNEEE!!!Starting sentences with "Maybe" and "and" then busting my balls for it!!!...good one ..you got me girlie!!
"maybe try taking a grammer class""" Good one...goood one.. I don't care who ya are..that's funnee!!
BY the way you ass..it's GRAMMAR!!!!!!!! NOT GRAMMER!!!Have a great night Smartie Pants Jen!!!
Jen,people remain anonymous because..well, they can!After your last post, I bet you wish you had too!See what happens in your haste to control everything and be mean spirited?!! Telling people to go elsewhere and making fun of them...shame on you!!!
And Spanking is a no no!!Avery big no no!Are you serious with this.."those are the ones who do behave"? Are you saying children who are not spanked do not behave??
Ok, ha ha. Yes, I did write quickly and with bad "grammer." I do have bad spelling. "And" I'm really ROFL because it is funny that I could fudge up that bad. I don't deny that. My point was that it seemed insane that people would come on a blog like this and debate spanking. There are a million sites specifically geared to debating stuff like that. The naysaying back and forth seemed lame. "And" the point of this site, which is why I am here, is to report what was seen. To call people out on bad behavior and be told to f-off really pissed me off. NO, I didn't need to use my potty mouth or be rude in my first post. But I deal with this kind of tit-for-tat on the mothering communes so often. I really think this site is cool. And going back and forth really clutters up the comments.
This will be the only time I will ever post my argument. Some parents ok spanking. Some don't. I do think that an occasional spanking is ok. Not beating. Not slapping them in the face. It's not meant to be degrading to the child. My son is 2.5, and has only been spanked twice. Time outs usually always work with him.
I do have to apologize. I was being sarcastic about unspanked children being the one's who do not behave. Some do. Some don't. It's really all about finding the right discipline for the child. I have seen well behaved children who don't get spanked and those who are. It really does come down to the parents. Spanking is a method that should only be used when the parent has no intention of stepping over the line and go from spanking to beating. I tolerate a lot from my son. But that doesn't mean I get violent and beat him. Those spankings ended in hugs, kisses, and explanations of why. "And" I only swat three times. It's enough to get the point across. With the diper on, it really only serves to get his attention.
So sorry for being rude. I guess if this is where people, anonymous or not, want to debat, go for it. I'll keep my new name, smartie pants, and just stay out of your debates. I just hate wading thru muck to try and keep on track with the point of the post. So muck away, muck away...
Oh, and I won't respond to anything else on this comment post, or add anything else. But go ahead and leave comments if you want. I'll try to have fun reading them. I'm not being sarcastic. I just don't personally want to debate here. But maybe I'll be doing one of y'all a favore and report in on your nanny's bad behavior. Thankfully I haven't read about mine.
I think the blog administrator lets the comments go through because it is obvious we enjoy debating this subject. True, I wish all of you were as intelligent and well mannered as I-but your not. Whatever this site was started has, it has evolved to be a little something else. We are not forced to revisit these old posts, are we? We come here looking for each other.
Ok!!!!
Why is everyone so pissed about what others do with their kids? If you spank you spank, if you dont you dont. Wohoo. You have every right to govern what happens with your child but not anyone elses.
And to the person jumping on that remark as racist. I get horribly amused how everyone resorts back to race. Haha, I dislike chicken and potatoes. Must mean I am a racist!
If you have to resort to physical violence on a repeated, regular basis to get your kids to behave in a way that is acceptable to you - YOU ARE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAILURE AS A PARENT. PERIOD.
Hitting, spanking, etc is for LOSERS, not for people who truly love, respect and understand their children and themselves.
255, harsh much? Just because that is your opinion does not make it correct. Beating children is a nono, as is physical violence. Administered in a correct fashion, spanking is not harmful. It is lame to namecall because someone has a different viewpoint from you. And a parent who spanks is not a failure. Ignoring bad behavior is. So some people use timeouts, some threaten to take away toys, other spank. But there is a big difference between spanking and abusing.
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