What Am I Doing Wrong?

I need some help from people in the Chicago area! I was born and raised in New York and had been living in Connecticut for the last five years before I moved to the Chicago area late last year. I’ve been a nanny for eight years, the last five years have been solely for high end families. I’ve always been completely full charge, extremely well compensated, noticeably appreciated (most important), and have always genuinely looked forward to going to work every day. Until I moved to Chicago. :(

I accepted a position caring for six month old twins after only a Skype interview and it was really great at first. But my employers work a school schedule with summers off. So I worked full charge January to mid-May. Then they were both home for a full three months. They genuinely didn’t need me. I’ve never had a harder time with a job. I’ve thrived in positions where I’ve been needed and not been a luxury and for all three months I was a luxury. Both parents were home the whole time I would be there. It was so incredibly uncomfortable I came home so frustrated every day. This may sound petty, I don’t mean it to be. But my last position in CT was 60+ hours a week, completely full charge for 3.5 years. To go from that to essentially be a mother’s helper for so long was the last thing I was interested or comfortable with. They dropped my pay from my generous weekly salary to paying me hourly. Some weeks I didn’t even clear $200. FOR THREE MONTHS. So on top of being completely uncomfortable at work…if I didn’t GO to the uncomfortable job.. I made no money. I even visited my old boss back in CT in June and when I told her about the job the first thing she said was “…but they’re still paying you your full salary during the summer right?…Why don’t these people understand this is your career?” This summer has completely changed my feelings toward my bosses because I can’t wrap my brain around how they thought I was surviving financially for that long amount of time (I had to borrow a large amount of money from my boyfriend). And to answer a potential question if I spoke with them about it..I didn’t. Because these are the type of people that write checks out to the penny…i.e. $110.25 My old boss would’ve rounded to the nearest 100…rounding to the nearest dollar would’ve been decent. So I knew having a conversation about summer compensation would’ve been a waste of breath.

School is back in session so I’m full charge again. But I’m actively looking for a new position and have gone on a few wonderful interviews. Most usually start with a phone interview that goes great and then I go to the family’s home for an interview that never lasts less than an hour. They all act impressed with me, I make them laugh, I leave my references’ contact info before I leave if I’m still interested in the position, I send a lovely follow up email later that night thanking them for their time, etc. I’ve yet to land a new position. I turned jobs away left and right in Connecticut and I can’t for the life of me figure out what families in Chicagoland are looking for that I’m not bringing to the table. I’ve got extensive multiples experience, I genuinely love my job, love caring for children. I go in completely professional with the greatest attitude. I say not a SINGLE bad word about my current family - I simply state that I’m looking for a new position that will be consistent throughout the year. I have the greatest of references that not one of the interviewers have contacted - I feel like if they did I’d be a shoe in. I’m contractually obligated to give at least three weeks notice to my current employers which I would never morally give less. One family had been looking for someone to start ASAP. So I understand that one. But what am I missing for the rest? Is something important in this area that maybe wasn’t back east? Something I should be highlighting or doing differently? Help!

Email isynblog@gmail.com

Cure for an Overbearing Nanny?

I hired a nanny and paid an agency for the placement of a seasoned nanny with many years of nanny experience, including multiples. She started six weeks ago, she overlapped two days with the baby nurse. All signs pointed to greatness, initially.

And then, I realized what an expert she is and what a novice I am. I am game to learn things. I read. The baby nurse literally massaged my breasts to keep milk flowing.

The way she interjects her opinions or looks at me when the baby is crying, it borders on insulting. She is however really good at what she does, incredibly punctual, neat as a pin and quiet and unobtrusive, excepting when I have one of the children.

I think an example might be effective. I had just nursed baby two and he was a little fussy. I was holding him on my chest and patting him on his back. She told me, "he's still hungry."  I said, "I thought he was done.". She said "no, no, no, that is the cry of a hungry baby." Then she told me to "try again.". She also has told me that I need to talk about supplementing more formula, but the way she says it, it is almost as if breast milk is silly. She also noted one of the baby's ears was red and asked me, "have you been rooting around in his ear?" I said, "no". She said, "I saw some cotton swabs in the garbage in the nursery. You're just going to pack it in tight. That will make him stir with a big fuss." Then when I am eating something like cheeze puffs, she looks at me with a tight lipped smile and says, "I would be happy to make you some cheese and crackers, something good for your body."

Having given those examples, I have tolerated it this far because she is so good with the babies and because I hope to go back to work in three months. I don't want to start over with a new nanny when I have such a capable one here, even though she is a bit much to bear. Do I just suck it up, knowing that it will serve me better when I am away from the house 11 hours a day?

Anyone?

Looking for Opinions from Those with Twin Experience

     I have a set of identical twins (boys) in my 2 year old classroom. They had a nanny for nearly 6 months; the nanny (my former co worker) ended up walking out on the family after MB brought up some issues she was having with the nanny. The twins started in my classroom at 21 months of age, and it was rough at first, but they have made wonderful changes in the last six months they have been with me. They have April birthdays, and it's clear they are somewhat behind in development; to my knowledge, their old nanny didn't work with them on anything-when they first got to me, I had to show them how to use utensils and drink from an open cup, plus how to clean up, etc. They had minimal verbal skills as expected, and those are slowly increasing. What I am concerned about is their hearing and speech, as they drool moreso than the rest of my class and are having issues listening:

     A few weeks ago, we noticed an issue when it was time to clean up the playground and come inside. We give a five minute warning, then two minutes before clean up. We (my co teacher and I) asked the boys to clean up, and they ran away laughing. We asked them again, and they hid under the climber. This went on due to the older kids in my class (close to 3) doing the behavior. When they transitioned to the 3 year old room, the twins got better, but now they laugh at us when we ask them to clean up, or they smile and will just sit there. Now we guide them into what needs to be cleaned up and to the shape rope. Problem solved there.

Michael Foulkrod

     Other things we noticed are the fact that we call them to the bathroom for diaper change and they act like they can't hear us. Today I had to get M after calling him several times for a diaper change. If we get on their level and explain why they shouldn't do something, they laugh at us when we are being serious. It's like they aren't processing what we are saying to/asking of them and it's like a blank stare. Yesterday, they were playing in centers instead of sitting on the carpet, after being asked to sit on the carpet, verbally reminded to sit on the carpet and shown a picture schedule, which lists center time after coming back in from outside. Our schedule is table time, breakfast, diapers, music movement, group time, handwriting/fine motor, outside. Then comes center time. They heard me ask them to sit on the carpet, they saw me point to the schedule, and they ignored me, as usual. I finally had to bring them to the carpet and make them sit down. A different director believes I shouldn't have them sit and participate in group time, (she thinks I should let them wander and play) because they have no interest in it, and I believe it's unfair to the other kids who have to sit for group time.

     Another thing is separation anxiety: A has to be carried into school by MB, or he won't come in at all. A week or so ago, she was trying to leave after putting M at the table with a puzzle, and M slapped her three times because he was angry with her leaving. They cry for 5-10 minutes after she leaves, and it's difficult to get them seated at the table, because they are both screaming and running for the door to chase after her. I'm seriously tempted to leave them laying on the floor to cry it out. but I also don't know if that's the right thing to do.

     There was one day when one of them was home sick, and the listening was different. When they are together, we feel they don't listen well, and we are thinking that if they were split into two different rooms, the listening would be better. We've talked to M and DB, but they are just like "oh, ok."

     I'm going to ask my boss to come in and observe next week. It's typcial 2 behavior, but it's like talking to a brick wall.

Mom wants 7 week old Preemies to Cry it Out...

 Marsela Hajdinjak

   I am a professional nanny and my services are highly sought. I interview with families and let them know honestly what my philosophy is and I do that so I make a good match.

   I don't work long term jobs anymore, because I travel, so I take assignments that are anywhere to between 1 week and 3 months. This last job I took is to go through labor Day.

    I am taking care of twins that are seven weeks old. They had a baby nurse for the first week and found a nanny they liked but she had a delay to when she could start so I am filling the void.
I am working 8-8 Sunday-Thursday.

   The problem I have is that I told them I was not in favor of cry it out and specifically that I thought that was cruel.  The mom is obsessed with getting them on a schedule, eating and sleeping. Again, they are only seven weeks old and were born almost 3 weeks premature.  Because the days are so long and because I live in the city and they in Bergen County, I am living in during the work week. This means I have to hear the tortured cries of these children!

Most of my clients have been in the city, and in Greenwich, CT. I am curious how common this is in NJ? Is the predominate feeling among educated, upper class people to allow their children to cry it out?  If you were a nanny or a parent who wanted your child on a strict schedule and wanted to have the child cry it out, but no longer believe in that, is there something that swayed your opinion that I could possibly bring to this mother's attention? These are her first children. I was thinking of getting her a copy of the fourth trimester. I don't want to come across as a know it all because the job will really set me up well for my next extracurricular adventure and I enjoy collecting references from the families I work for, especially the more long term assignments.

Before I resign myself to sleeping in noise canceling headphones, should I attempt to convince the mom that it is too soon to put the children on a schedule or to let them CIO?  While I have the children, she is not involved very much, at least she puts no requirements on me except as to when the last feeding of the day will be and the first, and that she does not want the babies to sleep from 430-7PM. Beyond that, I do not let them cry. I am not a baby nurse, just a nanny, but I think it's really odd and cruel that she lets them cry during the night. She sets and alarm to wake, feed and change them. And then she returns them to bed.  I don't get in to the specifics of it with her because I do the tummy time and swing time and walks, so I am there to respond to them immediately. I don't change their diapers on a schedule, but as needed. I hold them,rock them, sing to them. Mom seems to have the daily time of 7-9 as baby time. Literally, scheduled on the calendar. Like that is when her and her husband put the babies on the floor and hang out with them at night and then feed them and put them to bed.

Email ISYN at isynblog@gmail.com.

Jersey plus Two

So I need some advice from some fellow Nannies here's my issue.

I've been with this family for 3.5 years now and its been for one little boy. Now it gets a little complicated mom is having twins and moving to a suburban Neighborhood in NJ. I live in queens and had mentioned that if financially they can meet my needs I will be willing to move out there and rent my own place. I would be two hours away from friends and family and my hometown. Now how much would ask for the twins and the additional toddler.

I think $20/hr for twins and and $25/for all three children are fair numbers but they seem to think that is way to much. I'm currently making $16/ hr for one kid. What do you think am I asking for to much? Keep in mind I'm making this move to keep them satisfied and happy and basically doing them a favor by moving my whole life to the suburbs of Jersey!

Nanny Dreading New Additions...

My boss told me today that she is expecting not one, but two babies in September. She seems very happy and I feigned happiness too, but to be honest, I was not looking forward to one baby and the prospect of two fills me with anything but delight. This will be my second summer with the family and summer is my favorite time. We spend a lot of time out in the Hamptons and spend two weeks up in Maine. Part of my wants to be honest now and tell her that I am dreading the future with TWO babies, but I don't want to lose my endless summer. There is also the chance that I might change my mind.  I take care of one 4 year old now. She never mentioned a change in pay or anything, although I am curious. I know that right now, I make $1100 a week for 55 hours with one child who is in school for 3 hours per day. My other fear is that she thinks I make plenty enough to accomodate her new children, and I also wonder how hard it is going to be for me to get a comparable job with benefits, travel and a high salary. I am in the NYC area.

Kid's Funstop in Roxbury, MA

I just wanted to tell the employer of Amelia the nanny that her nanny is doing great work. I saw her out with two children, between 3 & 4, twins, aleast one of them was special needs.  The nanny kept setting the kids up for success climbing, exploring, but staying near enough them to quickly help them when they had a problem. One of the children, a boy with dark hair and dark eyes in striped overalls and a turtleneck was easily frustrated and prone to tantrums. She met each tantrum with grace and redirected him. I didn't take a picture because I wasn't thinking of "submitting" this. When I drove off, the nanny was coming down the steps, carrying both children, one on each hip. One child was crying, one was not and the nanny had on the same calm expression. I decided to submit this because from the looks of it, the children may require some extra attention. It makes me happy to see a children's needs being met without anger or impatience, so kudos to you on your nanny. The nanny was named Amelia because another mother/nanny greeted her by name. The nanny was a black, American woman, about 25, medium height, heavy set, wearing Levi jeans, black converse and a knee length sweater coat, I was at Kid's Fun Stop this morning from 930-10:45 and she was there at about the same time.

We love good nanny sightings. Have one? Email isynblog@gmail.com. #goodnanny #isyn #isawyournanny