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| Rosa Comelles |
I have a two part situation and I hope for input from nannies and employers.
The first is that there are times my nanny does something not in line with my parenting philosophy or that I think she should check with me first for and I take issue with it. Sometimes with her, often times with my husband. I want him to hear my complaint, validate it and give me a solution or move on. Not once has he ever validated my problems with the nanny. He responds by saying, "let's not rock that boat', "you know we have a good thing going here" and "I think you're overeacting/taking things too literally, taking things too seriously". Does anyone else experience this? My nanny is wonderful. Yes. But if my mother calls one morning and asks her to meet the kids at the mall for lunch and to buy them swimsuits, wouldn't you think I should hear of it before? I don't require permission, I just want to know what is going on. A text would have sufficed.
The second part of my situation again deals with the nanny. She eats very healthy and has introduced us to some very healthy concepts, stores, etc. We only buy certified organic now. We eat less process food than ever before because of her ideas that she implements on her own. She doesn't need to be micromanaged. An example of something she did wonderful is she bought whole grain bread, organic peanut butter and fresh preserves and made sandwiches, cut them out in circle shapes and froze ten in the freezer. Previously, I'll admit, I let my kids eat the frozen pb&J. So that's great. Something I didn't like was washing out a sippy cup my four year old uses for the car (for spill purposes only) and finding a white powder. When I asked the child what it is, she told me X put powder in her orange juice. So I asked X for clarification. She tells me she has been adding a pinch of dichotomous earth to all three children's drinks for the past couple of weeks. Don't you think I should know that? She explained all of the benefits, but again, after the fact.
I am a working mother and leave the house every day by 730 and usually don't return before 6. Is what I am feeling normal or territorial?
Email isynblog@gmail.com.
9 comments:
She is wonderful and it sounds like she genuinely cares about your children and their health BUT you are the mom! Tell her what you said here: that you believe her to be a wonderful nanny who's taught your family a lot about eating healthy but that she NEEDS to tell you if she's making special plans and or giving them anything new to eat or drink. Some nannies are used to having complete autonomy. I make 95% of my charges' day to day plans but would NEVER give them food or drink that their parents dont know about. And I clear any plan changes to their schedule that are out of the ordinary.
It sounds like your nanny may be getting mixed signals. For instance, you praise her for introducing new foods, taking the initiative to fill the freezer, etc, but you take issue with the DE. You might try treating this more as a communication problem than an effort to subvert you (which js probably always a good policy lol). I would try asking something like, "X, I really appreciate all the things you do to enrich our family's life (supporting healthy foods, shopping for the kids, etc). I really want to be as involved as I can with the kids, and that's sometimes hard when I work so many hours. Could you help me out by letting me know when you try/add/do something new so I know what's going on? That way were all on the same page."
Also - your nanny may have assumed that you already knew about the outing with grandma. My charges grandma lives close by and if she had called in the early days of working for them, improbably would have assumed the same thing.
One thing that needs to be altered...no last minute meetings by grandma. You should be giving at least 24hour notice but 2 to 3 days is best. We make plans for our kids, activities. Just because grandma wants to have a spir of the moment visit, let's face it, their lives are wide open, doesn't mean that the nannies plans aren't important or easily changeable. Really, it can impede on the kids too, taking away fun time for shopping? No thanks!
Angi
Offer GMa to go with their activities but don't expect nanny to change on a whim, that's unfair to her and the kids.
Angi
Foods one thing.....the supplements MUST be run by parents!
Angi
She didn't say she changed plans on a whim at all.. Maybe they don't have planned days but freedom to pick a days activities each morning. Who knows.
You're projecting, Angi.
As long as she is taking kids to appropriate activities I don't see a problem.Ask her to log meals or other foods they eat daily. Let her know you prefer not to give supplements without doing your own research first. If you are super concerned about what she is doing during the day ask her to text you quickly when she is leaving the house just in case of emergency.
Agreed.
She sounds mostly great but a little too sure of her own authority. These are YOUR kids, and giving them a supplement without your permission is a red flag. It says she doesn't have the judgment to grasp the kinds of things you should and want to be consulted on. Have a sit-down with her and explain that she should err on the side of over-informing (and over-asking for permission).
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