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Hi Moms,
I am looking for a nanny and don't want to use an agency. I am curious how to go about this. When I have worked through agencies, they have fulfilled my requests for a Polish laundress, an American nanny, etc. How much can I ask for? Are we immune from discriminatory practices? I know my friends use agencies and always specific the make and model of the nanny, for example "no Jamaicans" or "German or Irish". This is what I am looking for and since it is my home I know I have a right to have it, but don't want to offend anyone. I also don't want to waste the time of people who are not suited from responding to my post.

I am looking for an athletic and fit, not overweight, American born Citizen with a minimum of three years verifiable college work and three childcare references. I prefer that she is Catholic or is open to immersing herself in the Catholic teaching to help my special needs child through his catechism classes. Because we eat a non processed food, paleo diet, the person will need to understand this diet and how to cook this sort of food for the children.  I also require someone who speaks at least one foreign language and someone who can understands HTML and coding. Finally, I do not want to hire someone over 55, but I want someone who's children are grown or over 16.  I also need someone with a clean driving background, who has been driving for 15 years or more, a clean criminal check and someone who is comfortable working with non vaccinated children and using extreme discretion with any issues that come up with any part of the job. We have a collection of pets including a guinea pig, 2 gliders, 3 cats, a horny toad, a tarantula, hermit crabs, four sea turtles and a large fish tank. The person should be able to oversee the cleaning, playing and safekeeping of all of these without being squeemish. (No direct care provided by nanny).

I fear the age part could cause me the most problem, unless I word it just right. Help.

Bad Nanny Sighting in Webb Park in San Diego, CA

Sergey Zhiboedov

Date: Weds 7/22/15, early afternoon.
Location: Webb Park in San Diego
Description of the Nanny: I saw Your Nanny; Hispanic nanny with a large, wide, flat face, straight brownish red hair pulled very tight back, no make up, maybe 50 years old in a black skirt, sandals and a white t-shirt with an 80's style diagonal belt over her t-shirt.
Description of the Child: "Jack" a boy who was 2-3. Dark curly hair, white, blue eyes. He had little (maybe religious) curly q's over his ears and was wearing a striped long sleeve shirt and khaki shorts with brown leather sandals.
Incident: We were at the park in San Diego yesterday. Webb Park is known for it's playground and for feeding ducks. We usually do both. We bring old bread and throw it to the ducks.
As we tossed the bread to the ducks, they clamored to get the bread. They fight over it. It's really very cute, fun, peaceful and relaxing. Unless, of course Satan is there, whipping rocks at the poor ducks, who look excited at first and then freeze in terror as their bills are nearly swiped off their face by the oddly accurate force of this heathen's aim. The nanny walked around with a smile on her face, like this odd, serene smile. Totally unaware of the terror the kid was inflicting. She was taking pictures of the pond and ducks. Every now and then, she would look at the kid and say, "Jack, no throwing rocks" and Jack would say, "I am skipping them" and she would say, "okay". Another child saw a turtle and screamed excitedly at her nanny saying, "A turtle, a turtle!". The little boy charged at the girl picked up a stick and said "We must kill the turtle". Clearly he was doing some sort of pretend play in his head, but it was still not appropriate. The little girl said, "You can't kill a turtle" and then "Jack" said, "Ahah, then I will kill you!". The little girl's nanny stepped and front of her and said, "hey hey now". The little boy retreated but his nanny didn't even seem to register that he's threatening to kill turtles and two year olds! The kid made most of us uncomfortable. Get him some help and start with a nanny that makes sure he isn't hurting helpless animals and children.

1. Send Nanny sightings to isynblog@gmail.com.

Job Creep

     This is for all the new nannies out there, and all the kind hearted nannies who just can't say no. I've heard it referred to as "job creep," I also call it the slippery slope.

     I'm sitting here reflecting on my career and thinking, how did I get here? How did this happen? I'm a hard working professional nanny who absolutely adores children, especially my 2 current charges. I've been with them for four years.

     I have a contract. It (basically) states that my sole duties are to watch the children and only the children, also including child related tasks such as kids laundry, kids clean up, kids shopping, etc. And I was perfectly happy with that!

     But when I go to the grocery store to purchase kids snacks and kids meal prep items, how can I say no to also picking up a salad and cheese for my employers? What am I suppose to say, that we should all just go to the store together so that all items for both children and parents can be purchased? That's just silly.

     And when I'm doing kids laundry but the parents have left their items in the washer, am I suppose to just dump all of their clothes on the floor? That seems so rude.

     And when I'm doing the children's dishes and the parents have left just their coffee cup and toast plate in the sink, is it really that hard for me just to wash that too?

     And when I show up for work and the dog is sick on the floor and the children are worried to death and the parents ask me if 'just this once' could I take the sick dog to the vet, what am I suppose to say? "Sure, I'll take Chocolate to the vet if you pay me another $20 for that task because it's not in my contractual job duties." How heartless does that sound?

     But now here I am, 4 years later, responsible for taking Chocolate to the vet for his medication every couple weeks and the groomers. I do the entire family's grocery shopping and hey dry cleaning pick up/drop off is right on the way so might as well do that too, and every other errand that's "just on my way and will only take a minute." I keep the entire household cleaned and organized, from gardeners to construction workers. Not to mention both of my young charges and their health and well being and tutoring and entertainment and extra curricular activities, and the list goes on and on. I show up to work everyday with stick-it notes covering the counter with endless tasks that need to be done. I've dragged my poor charges on errands screaming and crying, all of us with with headaches, because MB and DB had a time sensitive request to get done. Every time I brought it up with MB and DB, it ended in me just wanting to keep the peace between us.

     They use to at least say please and thank for me going out of my way to help them out. They use to acknowledge that I truly was doing a favor for their family, "just this once," but now if I don't get their request completed in a timely manner I get reprimanded for my time management and priorities. (Since when are their children not the number one priority??!?)

     I didn't think to include some of these exactly specific boundaries and instances into my contract. I've been a nanny for nearly 8 years with such considerate employers in the past, I've never encountered such a slippery slope like this before!

     It's too late now, there is no going back. At this point, my only request to my employers was to properly compensate me for the price of a nanny, personal assistant, house manager, and tutor, since I am fully completing each of those tasks. My $15/hour (40 hrs/week in CA) does not compensate me being frazzled, stressed, and burned out from rushing around all day every day. And my poor charges! When I spoke to MB and DB recently again about the issue and a raise would be ideal, they said they'd be willing to consider ways I could 'earn more money'. So they've missed the point entirely from my discussion with them, and I've started seeking new employment elsewhere. I'm wiser now and thought I'd pass on the wisdom. Beware nannies!!

Share your experiences. Email isynblog@gmail.com.

ISYN 2015 #nannyproblems

Pier at 70th & Hudson in NYC

Location: Pier
Date: 7/21/15 around 1230 PM
Description of nanny: I saw Your Nanny, a Large white woman wearing stretch jeans and a black and white disco-y shirt that was too small and rolled up over her stomach. She had her hair in a tight pony tail with thick but small hoops and a scarf as a bandanna. She didn't talk but she looked Russian.
Child: One child in a blue Bopsy navy stroller with white and blue canopy and one girl who was almost 5? and chubby with curly ringlets of brown hair. She was wearing a pink animal print skirt and pink tank top with pink glittery tennis shoes that lit up.
Incident: The child was whining and wanted to go in the stroller, the nanny ignored her. The child kept approaching the stroller trying to grab it, the nanny walked faster. When the child reached for the stroller, she pushed her away. She pushed her back at one point and she fell over. The nanny didn't stop but turned around, looked at her and shook her head. I don't know if the kid was sick or had been out for awhile or what, but I'm guessing if the nanny would have opened her mouth and got down on the child's level and said one word to him, this miserable scene could be ignored. The whole time they were in my view, that poor girl was crying and fell behind even in a semi crowded area. I would never walk in such a public place without my child's hand!

Send your nanny sightings to isynblog@gmail.com.

The Logistics of Nanny's Selfless Gesture to A Friend

Alice Neel

My Lesbian nanny had a child with her partner two years ago. We gave her six weeks paid maternity leave. I have also let her bring the baby with her when childcare falls through.

She comes to me on Monday and tells me that she is pregnant, with twins. She is carrying the twins for a third party. They aren't even hers. I was first upset that she didn't tell me she was planning this in advance. She has been with us four years. I was secondly upset that her carrying twins could literally jeopardize my job. I need her to be reliably here.

I did ask her what she intended to do following the birth. She told me that she plans to turn the babies over to the adoptive parent immediately, and would only be out as long as it take her to recover from the birth. If she has a C section, I feel I am still looking at six weeks. I feel really angry towards her over this. I am sure what she is doing is based on kindness but what about my family? After this long, has she no loyalty to us? She only told me after she passed the 12 week mark, so I feel I don't have much time to make plans.

She is paid on the books. How do I work out her time off and the cost of her replacement? We are not wealthy and it was a real stretch to pay her and pay someone to work in her place during her pregnancy the first time around.

Who Replaces a Phone Broken Intentionally?

Live in nanny in Northern New Jersey here. I take care of two children, both 5. They have a number of appointments for sensory issues. I had asked the mom to provide something portable for activity since we do so much waiting. Because of tantrums and being needed to consult with a therapist, bring one child into an appointment, etc, I allowed the child to use my phone to play a game. Two times he has broken it. The first time he shattered the screen. This time he jumped up and down on it. I was not in the room. My question is, why are the parents not offering to reimburse me? Forget what it is, it is something of mine broken intentionally because of the spastic behavior of their child!

I Saw Your Nanny...in the park..breastfeeding...

The nanny for the nicest family in the building is someone I rarely see out. She has a 6 year old girl. I recently saw her at the park during the day with a child of about 8 months. I noticed that she was breastfeeding her. I didn't think any thing of it, until I realized that the 8 month old is not her child but a child that was adopted by the family she works for from another country. Do you think the mother knows the nanny is breastfeeding this child? If she doesn't know, should she know? Why would she be doing this? I know it isn't my business. 

Block Watch meets Page Six

I live diagonal across from "May" and her husband and three children in a neighborhood in Westchester County. My children play with "May's" children. They played more frequently as toddlers. When they were toddlers, May had a great nanny named "June." May is a working Mom and so I got to know June.

My neighbor's children are now  school aged and she has a housekeeper/nanny "April" that still works full days. "April" is June's sister in law.

So here's the scoop, June had one child and then a second. She got married in 2011 and then her husband cheated on her with someone so they are in the process of a very nasty divorce. She wants sole custody of the child and he wants atleast 1/2 custody. This scandalous custody battle has come back to bite my neighbors in the ass because June's husband wrote May a handwritten letter that told her a number of things about June, including that she stole a pair of "canary" earings and that her now 6 year old child is the son of her husband and that May and her husband were having "dirty sex" for atleast a year of her employment.

Because of April's connection to June, there was a huge blow up. (It was the truth!) May was demanding answers from April, specifically, did she know. It became so overblown that the police were called to the home by a third neighbor and April was removed from the house. Literally, I watched the whole thing. May stood outside and spoke to one officer while another went in with April and had her pack up her things. They then escorted her off the property. They seemed to be very nice to her and she wasn't in trouble.

Our neighbor across the street left town with her children for a spontaneous summer vacation. Clearly to get away from the mess. She had been gone since the beginning of July when last week I noticed "June" pull up in a brand new KIA. New as in it still had the dealer plates on it. My children are 9 & 12. They keep asking me when their friends are coming back. I really don't want to spread any rumors but I'm really concerned about what I have seen. The KIA has stayed parked overnight twice last week. Do I tell my children what is going on but it isn't appropriate to talk about it? I think the 12 year old knows there is a woman involved. Do I have an obligation to my neighbor to let her know that in her absence, her husband isn't being punished at all, but seems to be enjoying spending time with his illegitimate son?  I figure she is going to realize that the June was in her house and the way the neighborhood is set up, realize that we would know what is going on. She told me she and her husband were going through a 'rough patch' and that she thought time away with the children would be good for them. As a woman, I feel really terrible watching this all unfold.

I also got some additional information from my housekeeper who is friends with April. May knows that our housekeeper and April are friends because we found our housekeeper through her. The neighbor next door to me, also has witnessed this stuff and says we should confront June, and tell her she was a low life for taking up with a married woman and being in her house. I can say I want no part of it, but I will be honest, it has been some very interesting gossip. When I think of our children playing together as toddlers, backyard cookouts and things, I feel really bad for May. I feel for the children too. And April, who we found our housekeeper through now needs a job like right away. I wouldn't have went through April to get my housekeeper if she wasn't so good, so I know she is good and anyone would be lucky to have her. I don't know what she knew about this situation, but it is her brother that wrote the letter to May.

I feel like I'm getting sucked in and I want to help but don't know who to help and how. Would it be disloyal to May to help April get a job? My housekeeper says April has nothing to do with June.

Challenging situation? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

"Princess SmellslikePoo"

One of the things I liked about my nanny when I interviewed her is that she smiled alot and seemed fun and funny. She has been with us three months. I have noticed my 7 year old is doing a lot of name calling lately, to his sister and even to me. The names he has been using are like "buttnugget" and "captain slow." The origin of these names (and more) is the nanny. I am such not a fan of shaming children or name calling that this really rubs me the wrong way. My husband says I am being ridiculous. I think it's teaching the children not so nice things. To call someone "Captain Slow" when they aren't moving fast enough is mocking. I sense a whole tone with the kids, especially my seven year old. My 7 year old is impressionable and we deal with quite a bit of sibling rivalry already. For example, last night he said to her, "No Bath and We're Gonna Call You Princess SmellslikePoo" I reminded him we did not talk like that to each other and he said "that's what Jenny says."I am wondering what you think, nannies and parents? I don't see any other problems with the nanny and have been generally pleased with how everything is going. 

Reckless Nanny Sighting in Glendora, CA

I don't know if this was a nanny or a babysitter! 

Description: I saw Your Nanny...This was a blonde woman of about 19-23, with hair in a pony tail, plain white painter's cap, black tank top, black track shorts with white piping, knee high socks and tennis shoes. Tanned and fit.. She was riding a bike. She was riding what I think is called a beach cruiser, a large, squat black bike with large tires. I didn't see the brand.
Description of Child: bald but possibly some wispy dark hairs, wrapped in a blanket, a receiving style blanket. Unknown if girl or boy, but I would say under 4 months
Incident: I was pushing my stroller past Gladstone this morning when I saw this! I thought she had a hobo sack or satchel. As I got closer, I could see the bicyclist was carrying an infant in her arms as she was riding on Gladstone Street. She was going fast. She had the baby in her left arms, and rode with one hand only. The baby was wrapped in a blanket but I couldn't tell if it was white or cream. I did see a few dark hairs at the top, but this baby was tiny! Why was she riding her bike with a baby? She was going fast.She turned and went South on North Valley Center. I was almost passed the school, so I can't be sure, but I think she turned right on Renwick. It was so scary, after she disappeared from sight, my heart was racing and I looked around for a police officer.
Location: Area of  Gladstone Elementary School.  Glendora, CA.
Time: 7:10 AM, Monday 7:20 AM. Please post immediately!

Send your nanny sightings to isynblog@gmail.com.

Men, Children & Predators

I know this article is from a few years ago, but I'd be curious to know what your readers thing about guys sitting and being mannies.

TARRING MEN

By Nicole Sprinkle

When it comes to our kids, men get a pretty bad rap. As a society we talk ad nauseum about racism and other forms of discrimination. But when it comes to men, no one seems to have much to say.

Here’s what I mean: Recently, I was in a big child care bind. My daughter began a preschool that ends at 3:30, and my husband and I both work until six. Finding a sitter for just 2 1/2 hours five days a week was tough. Most qualified nannies wanted full-time work. That left us with a relatively small pool of candidates made up mostly of students with flexible schedules who were willing to get any money they could in between classes, and one stay-at home mother with a 4-year-old looking for a little extra spending money. She seemed like the no-brainer choice. Local. Mother. Good references.
Yet, there was also this 23-year-old young man who responded to my ad on our neighborhood’s Listserv. He was well spoken and exuded a quiet friendliness over the phone. He was studying to become a paramedic (great to have around in case of emergencies), lived his whole life in the neighborhood, had a mother who owned a local daycare, and worked as a summer camp counselor at the very preschool my daughter was now attending – and got rave reviews from his supervisor there.

In his e-mail to me, he said he would be interested in the job if my child was a boy. When I spoke to him on the phone and asked why he’d stipulated the male gender, he openly explained that he understood that many parents felt uncomfortable having a man watch a young girl. Touché. And extra points for sensitivity. I told him I did, indeed, have a 3-year-old daughter. He replied that he had no problem with that. Hmmm, but did I? Well, yeah, I did. Or at least I was learning that I did... Read the full article here.

Heartbreaking...

    My sister was a nanny for one year, ten months for a wealthy family in Scarsdale. Both parents worked in the city and she cared for their children, both under 4 years of age.  My sister has been dealing with cancer for the past three months. Last week her family told her it was time for her to "go home and take care of herself." I am sure that she was more tired and her appearance has changed, but she is great at what she does and she pushes herself to do what she does. She was selfless to those people, and they took complete advantage of her for most of the time. My sister is older than I, childless and 52.

     The family told her they would start looking for a replacement this week and I know they are interviewing this weekend. That's it though? They aren't offering her anything in the way of severance and didn't want her to stay on until the new nanny started. My sister said they were uncomfortable by the idea of her possibly dying and didn't want to "have to deal".

     I am in California, three thousand miles away. How can people be so heartless? My sister cared for their newborn when she came home from the hospital, sick and on a feeding tube. She worked late at no cost and never missed a day. How is this fair? How is this right? And who's going to hire her now?

Bait & Switch

I was hired to work 44 hours at 625 per week. The hours got changed around, later and earlier. They ended up more like 50. No correction to my salary was made.

I was to do light housekeeping, meaning clean up after kid's meals, load dishwasher, and keep the kid's toys and closed organized. Every Monday, I receive a list like "can you tackle the pantry? the cubbies? The laundry room? Can you get the guest room ready for my Mom? There's something sticky on the floor can you mop the kitchen? Can you just run a mop over the kitchen at the end of the day? Do you know how to work the central vac? I noticed Emmy's shelves are really dusty, can you hit that? Can you clean off the patio furniture and sweep the back porch? I'm sorry to ask you this, but before the Donaldson's come over, could you take a quick peek around the backyard and make sure Devin got all of Coco's poopies?

I've decided I will leave if need be. But before that, I am going to give them the chance to adjust the salary. I figure that the salary should be more like $725 for the hours alone and more like $900 for the responsibilities. I hate being asked to do this and that. I'd rather just get a fair salary and do what needs to be done.

Any tips? And if they balk and say no, then would they be technically firing me? Do I have some protections? I work in Irvington, NY.

The Vomit Comet

Noticed a theme? We're featuring especially rude employers this weekend!

This is a question about money due. I have worked for my boss for 12 weeks. Her housekeeper took a week off. I am not a house cleaner, never said I was and was never asked to be. While the housekeeper was away, I did more than usual because I have two small children to look after so the floors have to be clean, the bathtubs clean, etc.

On Thursday morning I came in and made my toast. There was bread sitting on a bread block with a knife like always. Cut to later that day I am in the ER with severe stomach pains, diarrhea and vomiting. I thought it was the flu, but it turns out, it was salmonella poisoning because little miss shit for brains made chicken cutlets on the counter last night and didn't wipe the counter up or anything. Her husband also had the same thing but because he is who he is, had a doctor come to his office.

SO, I have health insurance that I pay for and carry myself. I also had to leave work at 2. I called the mother over who came to sit with the kids. I was shocked at my boss's nonchalance. She told me I was nuts if I thought she was "scrubbing counters with comet before she headed out for a ten hour day". No apology. Nothing. The fact is, her older son (3) eats toast for breakfast almost exclusively. She didn't even ask if he had any or if he was sick or anything. As it happens, he wanted oatmeal. I am shocked at her carelessness and total disregard. She also told me, "We're just lucky my mom was able to come over" as if what? If she couldn't I would stay there vomiting?

Email your experience to isynblog@gmail.com.

Insufficient Funds and No Apologies

My $885 paycheck for last Friday bounced, but I did not know that until Wednesday. This caused me to have overdraft fees for car insurance,cable bill and cell phone bill. I also gave someone a $100 donation by check that was returned causing her and I both fees. The total fees alone incurred are $185. When I told my boss, she gave me $900 in cash, that was Wednesday morning. I figured out the total fees on Wednesday during the day and went back to her after work. She said to me, "I gave you $1,000,00, that should cover everything.  I was just left standing there with my mouth open. I don't mismanage money. I can count to ten. I don't overdraw my account or pass checks, yet she spoke to me in such a tone it was as if she had done me a favor and I was mistaken. I am so angry that I want revenge. I told her I could only take cash from her in the future. She told me, "I wouldn't count on that." with such a smug attitude. Where does she get off? Basically, if I want to keep my job, I drop it and take her questionable checks in the future. ??

Gift Ideas

-I will be with my current family for a year come this September. They have probably been the best family I have ever worked. I wanted to show my appreciation with a gift of some sort. I offer date nights which they don't always take once a month. I gave them a scrapbook of C for Christmas. Any ideas would be appreciated.

-I have been a nanny for three years for this family and my boss is coming home with baby #3. I'd like to get her something special, something that maybe her regular friends and family wouldn't think of. Do any moms have ideas of especially meaningful gifts for new baby?

-My nanny just graduated with her Associate's Degree in May. We didn't acknowledge it and I kind of feel like we should have. She's been with almost two years. What would make a good gift? (She plans to continue to work for us while she gets her 4 year degree).

Ideas? Submissions? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Bad Nanny Sighting at Regal New Roc

Location: Regal Theatre New Rochelle, NY
Date: 7/17 1:40 showing of Inside Out
Description of Nanny: I saw Your Nanny, an African American nanny, very thin, with long slender neck. Braided hair in a pony tail, yellow shirt with "runner" logo. Denim jeans. Gold flip flops.
Description of Children: 2 children. One white boy, blonde buzz cut, blue clothing. One girl, pink light up shoes, brown hair with two braids in the front. The girl was probably 3, the boy 5.
Incident: The nanny parked the children and left to go get food. The kids started to fight while she was gone and the boy hit the girl and the girl started crying. I would say 10 minutes the nanny came back and the girl was sitting four seats away no with her knees up and crying. The nanny marched over to her and grabbed her by the arm and yelled at her for moving. She..stll holding the tray of food "led/dragged" the girl back to her original seat. Then she sat down. The girl started to tell her something and the nanny put her hand up and said she didn't want to "hear it now and I damn sure don't want to hear it during the movie." The movie started shortly after. The kids were given like 2 sips of the soda and nine pieces of popcorn, all which they had to beg for. Disgusting display of nannying. Going to see a movie should be fun! And never leave your kids alone at a movie theater, especially NEW ROCHELLE!

Send your nanny sightings; good or bad to isynblog@gmail.com.

ISYN 2015 The Quittings

ArtbyWeeze on Etsy

       We hired a nanny in February. She seemed lovely. We needed someone pet friendly. During the interview, we introduced her to our dogs. We have a Husky and a miniature Dalmatian.She professed to be a dog lover. Then she started making strange claims like the Dalmation was growling when she tried to leave the laundry room. She also claimed that our 3 year old was terrified of the dog.  One day I came home and she told me I needed to do something about the dog because he was "showing his teeth at her" and she "worked in fear". I kind of chuckled because the dog is 18 lbs soaking wet. That night her husband calls me and says that his wife will not be returning because I am ignoring her safety concerns. He also tells me he will be there at 8:30 in the morning to pick up her check.

     My nanny quit because I was late. I was late the first day because it was my first day back to work. I apologized for that. The next week, we had a great deal of rain and my train was late. When I came that Thursday after being late Wednesday (less than 20 minutes). I apologized for being late and told her the trains were a mess. She told me. "That's not my concern. I have plans and a life and this is the third time in two weeks. I can come tomorrow if you need, but I am quitting."

     My nanny quit after only 3 weeks because of the sound the kitchen chairs made on the kitchen floor. Seriously. Her nanny quarters are in the basement underneath the kitchen. She not only quit, but didn't come back at all. She texted me Friday at around 10PM. Her text said, "Um, you might want to LIKE totally reTHINK your kitchenette set up before you drive your nanny insane with BIG people rolling all over the kitchen at night and hyper kids all weekends. They do make, YOU KNOW..CHAIRS WITHOUT WHEELS. Some people should YOU KNOW not have LIVE IN NANNIES."  <---That is exactly what she sent. I saved it!

     I have never worked full time out of the house. I am a production assistant on a news show and had the chance to work on a feature which was going to keep me away for long days for four to seven

Katie Berggren

weeks. My third child was 3 months and we practice attachment parenting. We interviewed. We reference checked. We created a job description. I was wearing the baby during the interview. I showed her the different baby wearing options. She starts work and things seem to go fine. The older kids like her, but I realize I see the baby in the swing a lot of the time. I verify this by popping in mid day. My husband does a pop in and asks her where the carriers are and why she isn't wearing the baby and says, 'this is very important to my wife and we thought you understood that'. The nanny said, and I will have to paraphrase, "I know, but I'm not going anywhere." My husband was probably not as understanding as he should be when he explained to her the premise behind what we were doing and how it affected the child and etc. etc. The next morning she arrived and stood in the kitchen with her arms folded. She didn't even come in. She said, "I am not working for you. No baby needs to be carried around all day long. I'm supposed to walk around all day with that 'thing' strapped to me? No thank you. I have back problems." And she didn't say any of this in a kind or gentle way. I couldn't get her off our porch fast enough.

     We hired a Brazilian woman to nanny and do light housekeeping. Only, she wasn't in to the nannying but was heavy into the housekeeping. The kids would just be sitting on the floor in a pile of blocks or dolls while she cleaned, with what seemed like the inability to stop. We saw this on nanny camera. And she used bleach on the kitchen table and counters and floor and everywhere. I tried to redirect her by saying that we wanted her to focus on the kids and not worry about the house. I explained just picking up, making their beds, cleaning up after their meals. She told me she could not work in a pig sty and if I didn't make cleaning a priority my kids were going to be sick all of the time. I told her the kids were a priority. She told me, "I won't take care of sick kids or work in fifth."

    My nanny had been working for us for three months when she quit. She was not friendly with me, but polite and quiet. My children are school aged and reported that things were okay. She wasn't personable but she was efficient and most of the job involved organization and driving to and from activities and homework help, etc. We were planning to drive to Vermont for the weekend and I was trying to get things ready. I went to her and said, "I know we have two portable DVD players, but I can't find them anywhere. Might you know where they are". She want psycho on me and started saying, "Don't you charge up to me and start accusing me. I never took nothing that wasn't mine. I won't be questioned like that." I told her she worked for me, she organized the children's areas and I had the right to ask her if she had seen anything. She said, "Oh no. I am not going down this road with you. Hell to the No." She walked to the hall closet. Grabbed her coat and keys and walked out the door. She never called for or asked for her check. It was the strangest thing. I eventually found the DVD players, so still scratching my head about this one!

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Looking for Opinions from Those with Twin Experience

     I have a set of identical twins (boys) in my 2 year old classroom. They had a nanny for nearly 6 months; the nanny (my former co worker) ended up walking out on the family after MB brought up some issues she was having with the nanny. The twins started in my classroom at 21 months of age, and it was rough at first, but they have made wonderful changes in the last six months they have been with me. They have April birthdays, and it's clear they are somewhat behind in development; to my knowledge, their old nanny didn't work with them on anything-when they first got to me, I had to show them how to use utensils and drink from an open cup, plus how to clean up, etc. They had minimal verbal skills as expected, and those are slowly increasing. What I am concerned about is their hearing and speech, as they drool moreso than the rest of my class and are having issues listening:

     A few weeks ago, we noticed an issue when it was time to clean up the playground and come inside. We give a five minute warning, then two minutes before clean up. We (my co teacher and I) asked the boys to clean up, and they ran away laughing. We asked them again, and they hid under the climber. This went on due to the older kids in my class (close to 3) doing the behavior. When they transitioned to the 3 year old room, the twins got better, but now they laugh at us when we ask them to clean up, or they smile and will just sit there. Now we guide them into what needs to be cleaned up and to the shape rope. Problem solved there.

Michael Foulkrod

     Other things we noticed are the fact that we call them to the bathroom for diaper change and they act like they can't hear us. Today I had to get M after calling him several times for a diaper change. If we get on their level and explain why they shouldn't do something, they laugh at us when we are being serious. It's like they aren't processing what we are saying to/asking of them and it's like a blank stare. Yesterday, they were playing in centers instead of sitting on the carpet, after being asked to sit on the carpet, verbally reminded to sit on the carpet and shown a picture schedule, which lists center time after coming back in from outside. Our schedule is table time, breakfast, diapers, music movement, group time, handwriting/fine motor, outside. Then comes center time. They heard me ask them to sit on the carpet, they saw me point to the schedule, and they ignored me, as usual. I finally had to bring them to the carpet and make them sit down. A different director believes I shouldn't have them sit and participate in group time, (she thinks I should let them wander and play) because they have no interest in it, and I believe it's unfair to the other kids who have to sit for group time.

     Another thing is separation anxiety: A has to be carried into school by MB, or he won't come in at all. A week or so ago, she was trying to leave after putting M at the table with a puzzle, and M slapped her three times because he was angry with her leaving. They cry for 5-10 minutes after she leaves, and it's difficult to get them seated at the table, because they are both screaming and running for the door to chase after her. I'm seriously tempted to leave them laying on the floor to cry it out. but I also don't know if that's the right thing to do.

     There was one day when one of them was home sick, and the listening was different. When they are together, we feel they don't listen well, and we are thinking that if they were split into two different rooms, the listening would be better. We've talked to M and DB, but they are just like "oh, ok."

     I'm going to ask my boss to come in and observe next week. It's typcial 2 behavior, but it's like talking to a brick wall.