Can she rehabilitated? She seems good in so many ways. She has energy, is organized, she doesn't do housekeeping but leaves the house so clean. She makes nutritious snacks and meals, does all kind of athletic stuff with the kids, which I love. The problem is she says things like, "You are being lazy". I asked her not to say that and she says, "It's true, but I don't stop there, I say, "you are being lazy or making a lazy choice, what would be a better choice". She does the same things when it comes to grooming, telling the kids they look sloppy, their breath smells, they need to take care in their own appearance at this age, etc. When I say she says their breath smells, I mean literally my daughter came down and gave her a hug around the neck and she put her hand up in the air and said, "Yuck, is that your breath? Aren't you supposed to brush your teeth before you come downstairs?". I think it is is harsh, but she says she doesn't mean it in a bad way and that it is the truth, would I want a friend to tell them that? Or should she while they are in the house and can rectify the situation?
9 comments:
She sounds like a great nanny. She is encouraging your children to be responsible for their own appearance and cleanliness, which is great. And it sounds like she is trying to instill a strong work ethic in your children as well, so WIN-WIN. Maybe now you'll have teenagers who can and do do their own laundry and who you don't have to beg to shower/comb their hair.
I don't see anything wrong with the nanny. What do you prefer :
A nanny that is firm enough to help you raise strong,well behaved , respectful and independent children who will turn up to be responsible adults or a nanny that help you raise entitled brats ? I would choose the first option.
Perhaps you could tell ask her to use a smoother language but overprotecting your children to constructive critisism is not a good idea.
If you really can't put up with how she discipline your kids then you probably should rematch with a permissive nanny rather than an authoritative one .
You have an amazing nanny that is just doing her job! Don't try to change her! Instead, support her. Encourage your kids to stay clean and keep a neat appearance.
You are so lucky to have a nanny like her!
If you don't want her to say the things that she does, but want the same results, ask her to approach it another way. It does sound harsh to me, guilting the kids and shaming them, and there are better ways to handle it, maybe she doesn't know them?
Try suggesting better ways to handle the situations? As a nanny, I've had the same situation with the kids hugging me before they've brushed their teeth, but to avoid being hurtful, I simply said, "Please brush your teeth before you greet me in the morning." It doesn't matter if you've said the same thing a thousand times. To me, manners go both ways. If I wouldn't say it to an adult, I try not to say it to a child. The lazy comments seam particularly hurtful to me.
She sounds like a nanny with promise. I know you like a lot about her, but I think a truly great nanny tries to adjust to their employers' preferences in raising the children. There's usually a period of adjustment if it became a habit, but if you feel strongly about this, I think you should definitely address it with the nanny. They're your kids!
Your nanny is doing a great job. She IS firm, but it doesn't sound uncaring to me. If you need a gentler approach, you may need a different nanny
Our family therapist said that telling a child "you are lazy" is seen as an attack. This was after I told my twelve year old daughter she was lazy. She is a trained professional. I feel she should drop the you are lazy bit and just say that the choices are lazy. That way it's not a personal attack. The choices are lazy not the child. It's very important not to make the child feel bad about themselves but to see that they have a way to change their negative behavior. Kudos to this parent.
What is even happening with the comments here? A nanny who routinely makes comments that chip away at children's self-esteem is not an amazing nanny. It doesn't matter how she intends the comments; it matters how they sound and are received. They sound awful, so I can't think they'd be received well. Maybe this is how the nanny's own parents raised her, but do not allow her to pass this toxicity on. Make it clear she needs to adjust her speech. How hard is it to say "let's brush your teeth now" as opposed to "your breath stinks"?
I am a nanny and I think her comments are way too negative. I would feel hurt if anyone said those comments to me.
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