Tuesday
Nannies that do everything??
So, I know a lot of nannies experience job creep, but this is a little different. My MB is always asking me to do very un-nanny-like jobs, like driving her sister around when she was injured and couldn't drive, organizing her arts and crafts room, cleaning out her car, picking up dog poop, mowing the lawn, etc. She always says I don't have to do any of these things, and will pay me extra for doing them, but I feel like if I say no, it will create animosity. I'm a nanny, and I take extra babysitting jobs for extra money, but that doesn't mean I will take any job for extra money. I do some housework, but I am not a housekeeper. I always state clearly what extra chores I am willing to do, (dishes, childrens laundry, light cooking, general tidying up), but a few weeks after getting hired, MB asked me to take care of her sister while she was recovering from surgery. This is not what I do, I'm a nanny, not an adult caregiver. I had a family once ask me to return phone calls for their business while the kids napped or watched TV. Why do so many people assume that a nanny will do anything? Do you ask your doctor to change the oil in your car? Do you ask your gardener to fill your cavities? Would you ask a gas station attendant to tutor your child? Of course not. So why do you think a nanny should do other people's jobs? Don't parents realize that asking a nanny to do something, even if it is "optional" puts pressure on the nanny? I can't think of a way to say no without seeming rude or lazy or just a bad employee. I've been hinting around, but that often doesn't ge the point across. I'm just too chicken to come out and say no.
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13 comments:
I've thought of this myself sometimes. Even though you DO have the ability to say no, and your boss is willing to pay extra, it's still uncomfortable to say no to requests like that sometimes. I mean there are definitely some things I would say no to, but other things I have a hard time saying no to, and I just think the parents shouldn't ask!
Sometimes I think that parents think of a nanny as an extension of themselves, like the nanny should be willing to do anything a parent would do, even if it has nothing to do with childcare. Like my MB just recently wanted me to research cruises for vacation. I'm not really sure how that would be considered a nanny duty.
Or maybe they think that you want the extra money?
Sorry I don't have any advice besides just saying no, which I know can be very hard to do. All I can really do is commiserate.
I don't get it. If these jobs are optional, what are you so worried about? You are putting pressure on yourself and it is unfair to your MB for you to say she's putting pressure on you. You do have the ability to say NO and I suggest you start practicing it.
I agree with the previous poster that sometimes parents think of the nanny as an extension of themselves. I think, for most of them, it's very innocent and they are in no way trying to take advantage. It's difficult, but at some point you are just going to have to speak up and say you aren't comfortable accepting all of these extra responsibilities. You can do so in a kind way, but also be firm in the fact that you do not want to take on any additional duties that aren't child care related.
I think there are some employers that don't respect nannies and view them as cheap labor.
I think other employers just aren't thinking when they ask these things and mean no ill will.
I think the most important skill a nanny should have is the ability to say no and speak up for herself/himself. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them.
I find it very helpful to clearly outline what you are willing to outside of childcare ( that may be nothing and that is ok.) and set a rate for it.
There is a time to be a little flexible ( ie can you run the wash or drop of these books), but that should be the exception not the norm.
I also suggest you firmly almost rigidly stick to your contract for the first few months. Show you mean business. After that you can show a little flexibility.
I hear ya OP. Just like the examples you stated, would you ask your hairdresser to cut your poodles hair? Of course not!! People just assume that since you work in the home, then you are to do everything that the parents have to do when they are home. I.e., housecleaning, laundry, ironing, shopping, bill paying, errands, relative care-giving, pet care, etc. Nannies are not supposed to wear all these hats. They are only in the home for one purpose and one purpose only. TO CARE FOR THE CHILD{REN}.
Since your boss is giving you the option of not taking the other jobs, I would simply say I do not feel comfortable doing anything aside from childcare. Let them know your expertise exists only in childcare and you just do not feel comfortable operating a lawn-mower, etc. Hopefully she will get the hint.
My advice: Trust me on this. The longer you continue to comply and do all these "non-nanny" related duties, the harder it will become to say NO later on.
Trust me.
I wish you only the best.
I hear ya OP. Just like the examples you stated, would you ask your hairdresser to cut your poodles hair? Of course not!! People just assume that since you work in the home, then you are to do everything that the parents have to do when they are home. I.e., housecleaning, laundry, ironing, shopping, bill paying, errands, relative care-giving, pet care, etc. Nannies are not supposed to wear all these hats. They are only in the home for one purpose and one purpose only. TO CARE FOR THE CHILD{REN}.
Since your boss is giving you the option of not taking the other jobs, I would simply say I do not feel comfortable doing anything aside from childcare. Let them know your expertise exists only in childcare and you just do not feel comfortable operating a lawn-mower, etc. Hopefully she will get the hint.
My advice: Trust me on this. The longer you continue to comply and do all these "non-nanny" related duties, the harder it will become to say NO later on.
Trust me.
I wish you only the best.
The people I used to nanny for asked me this all the time and would pay extra. I could easily say no and did lots but if I had time and needed the money I saw nothing wrong with it. I don't watch the kids as much anymore but still do on occasion and still run random errands for extra cash. :) I know it is because she trusts me to do things that only she would trust herself doing (the nature of what is asked is sometimes as such) and she knows I don't mind. But I have said no and while sometimes I may feel bad, most times I don't :)
We have a nanny who has joked with my husband and I that she's not only a nanny, but a wife. She does often do jobs that go beyond the scope of childcare, like picking us up from the airport, or taking our dog to the vet, but it's something that she agreed to and is compensated for. If all parties agree to something, what's the problem?
Mimi, are you sure your nanny agreed to this because she wanted to, and not because she felt pressured? I think most people who have a nanny do not realize that just by asking, it can feel to the nanny that your opinion of her will go down every time she says no. She may be joking about it with you, but inside she might be growing very resentful.
If a nanny is so worried that her boss's opinion of her will go down because she doesn't agree to extra work, she has a serious self-image problem. The problem is not with the boss, like Mimi said, if they are willing to pay extra and everyone is in agreement.
It is hard though once you have agreed to something a few times out of politeness to then say you're actually not comfortable doing it. Could make both of you feel a bit awkward but if it makes you that unhappy you should. I've been a real coward of late. My MBs mother in law has been living at their house since October and has made my previously blissful job looking after a set of toddler aged twins and a small baby utterly miserable. My MB is very good at keeping boundaries and only expects me to wash mine and the children's dishes, bottles etc, their laundry and some other things. I do lots of other chores too if all the children are napping at the same time but they don't expect this its just a favor because I know they'll be tired when they get home and just want to spend time with the little ones. But the grandma treats me like her personal servant and is far more demanding than my charges. She calls me at least every ten minutes from her room to bring her something or do something for her. No, actually, she's not even thoughtful enough to tell me what it is she wants first. She summons me upstairs, I call from the bottom of the staircase 'what do you need?', she just calls my name again, I'll ask again and she'll ignore my question and just say 'come here', so I waddle upstairs (I'm pregnant) and ask what she wants. It's almost always something I have to go back downstairs for to bring back up (usually a hot beverage or her hand cream). Just today I was in the playroom with the twins and giving the baby a bottle and she kept calling and calling me even though I said I was feeding L, I would come up when we were done etc but just doesn't care she'll just repeat her request over and over louder and louder until I went up. She wanted me to pass her the remote that was about three feet away from her. She demands an explanation for why i didnt come to her as soon as she called. It's even worse when she comes downstairs, she stares at me the whole time, makes comments about how much I eat, tells me to do such and such before such and such, there is no logic to her suggestions she just seems to like the sound of her own voice and barking orders at me. If she sees me sit down for longer than five seconds she says 'what are you doing? nothing?' and thinks of some chore for me to do. And ye gads is she loud.. banging the cupboards, yelling over the phone. The children are always being startled awake by her but she sees no connection between her loudness and their waking up crying. 'Why is he crying? He must be hungry, you dont feed him enough. Fetch a bottle i will feed him'. Babies only cry when they are hungry in her world. I could go on for days but the point is MB asked me if she was bothering me the first month she moved in and although she was making it harder I have a soft spot for old people and I said I didn't mind. But she wasn't so bad then, she only asked for things when I went up to see if she was okay now she expects me to be at her beckon call every minute of the day and gets pissy if she has to wait for anything. It's my fault, I have enabled this behavior and now it's gone so far I don't even know how I could begin to explain the situation to MB. If I tell her how unhappy she's been making me I'm sure she'd have strong word and tell her to cut it out but that would either make it worse or I'd instead be dealing with a grandma that doesn't talk to me at all and all the (admittedly fewer by the day) positive aspects of her being there would vanish. She can be sweet and kind and I hate the thought of an old lady being told off on my account esp as it's something I could have stopped if I hadn't been such a damn push over. So OP, say something now. Maybe next time she asks say that you thought it would just be a one off thing and not a regular part of your job and all you are really interested in is spending time with her wonderful kids..
Mannah, try and have a little compassion. If it is easy for you to say no, then that is great for you, but it isn't that easy for everyone. Also, your boss may be a lot more understanding than some people's. Please try and see things from other points of view, and not judge everyone for not being like you.
Mowing the lawn?? Did I read that right?? Thats a new one. No way that would be the last straw
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