I feel very ashamed for even typing this message but first I will start out with some background info... I LOVE MY JOB! I love the kids, I love the parents, I love the atmosphere, I love love it! I also LOVE the pay. But like many of us, I want more. I have some big dreams and hope to make this my last nanny job before I can pursue those dreams full time. That being said, I have started moonlighting.
On weekends, I work for a (for lack of a better term) phone sex business. Its a very reputable company and its a surprisingly technical business. I decided to do it after I read about SAHM's doing it. I make my schedule and I'm actually pretty good at it. I never really thought of myself as a super sexual person and a good amount of the calls are not overly sexual. The money is good and confidentiality is assured. A lot of the guys are just lonely. I would NEVER do this at work. I have a boyfriend and he knows about it. I know I could easily find work doing a less taboo thing as a second job but being a nanny means I have a crazy unpredictable schedule with some overnights. I've tried moonlighting at different jobs but the unpredictability of being a nanny makes it hard.
So is this bad? I mean obviously I won't go around bragging about it but should I feel guilty? I guess its like "should I feel guilty for having sex?" Is this something I could defend by saying "its private" like my sex life? - Anonymous
29 comments:
Don't feel bad. Do your thing, girl!
Personally I see nothing wrong with it but watch out for those with morals, lol. If the moneys good, which I'm thinking it probably is, make sure you're saving it to put towards those big dreams of yours!
I'm not sure what this has to do with being a nanny... Would you like tips on getting a schedule to work a second job or the type of pay you need to not need a second job?
Personally, I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so.
If you are comfortable with it that's what you should be concerned with.
In my nearly 30 years on this planet I have found that when people seek approval of others ( want someone to tell them what they are doing is ok) they are not comfortable or ok with their actions. That is something you have to figure out.
My only other caution to you is you say you have big dreams. I don't know what those dreams are but you might want to make sure your side job will not cause a problem for you in the future. Think of the promising politicians and others brought down or have their careers over shadowed by "sex scandals" and they were men society is far less forgiving of women.
Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Of course you shouldn't feel guilty. Your time off is your own time and you should be free to do whatever you want with it, without fear of judgment. At least it is legal--you could be hooking after work. Then I would be telling you to stop.
Out of curiosity, what exactly do you do? Do men call you up and you just talk dirty to them? That sounds kind of fun!
I personally do not see anything wrong with this. As long as you are not spending time working on this night time job while on the clock with your charges, then there is nothing to worry about. Many nannies choose to take on other jobs, whether it is another family or a job completely un-related to child care.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. But then again, I worked as a professional dominatrix and a nanny at the same time for about 4 years. (I didn't dom while I nannied...one was a day job one was a night job, obviously.) The families I worked for during that time knew, too - one even occasionally watched my son for me when I had appointments!
People are sexual. It's a simple fact of life. If your bosses (or anyone, really) would judge you for working hard in a completely legal profession, they are not worth your time or energy.
I wish you luck in both of your jobs.
It's good to have dreams and goals; make yourself a written plan with specifics and timeframes and stick to it. (i.e. I want to own my own tanning business by Jan 2014; to do that I need XX dollars saved to be considered a good risk to a lender for a business loan, etc. That means I need to develop a business plan and save XX dollars between now and YY date.)
Be honest with yourself that while the phone sex business has some distastefull elements, at this point in time, you have decided that the flexible schedule, working conditions and money make it an option that works better for you than another type of job.
Keep your schedule such that the hours do not crossover into your nanny job and there should be no conflict.
Remind yourself that it will not be your 'career', but you will do it for YY specific timeframe until you have met the financial goal you have in mind. Be diligent about SAVING the money made from this job, instead of improving your lifestyle from it, because that will make it harder to quit and distract you from your original goals.
There is no need to tell ANYBODY about it. None. Everybody does NOT need to know your personal business or all of the details of your life. The job does not define you - your future goals and meeting your future goals do that.
The job also does not make you a sleaze (or any other derogetory word we women are often called); it's more like acting than prostitution, and if you follow the protocols, it is a relatively safe occupation.
I would also strongly suggest that you not view it as your "sex life". It is work. Period. It is a vehicle to get you to where you want/need to be. It's NOT personal; it's business.
Good luck, and just out of curiousity, could you please share with us what your "big dreams" are?
Please don't feel bad at all!! I used to be a nanny during the week and a stripper on the weekends. I understand how you can completely separate different parts of your life.
Here's how it goes: the service puts calls through to me (no guy calls me directly) and I talk to the guy and figure out what they want. Like some want to be dominated (kinda fun becauase you get to be a total B*t*h) or some want me to simulate actual sex or even give advice or just talk about normal things. A lot of guys want fantasies played out like if they like a woman at work they have me pretend to be her. I mean ANYTHING goes but I only do what I'm comfortable with.
Its fun, and it brings out an ulterego. I don't know these guys so I am free to say what I want and no one will judge me.
Dominanny: WOW...not gonna lie to be a real Dominatrix takes courage and confidance.
Thanks for the support everyone.
Well nannies are allowed to have sex.
Your entire life doesn't need to revolve around children because you're a nanny.
The only exception may be is if you have some sort of morality clause in your contract, or if you are a live in.
If you are a live in it might not be the best activity to engage in the home.
For your own safety and future exploits I would make sure this is completely anonymous.
Hey in this tough economy, we have to do what we have to do to survive. I agree that working another job while continuing working as a nanny can be tricky.
As long as you can remain confidential and your bosses will not find out, then more power to you.
Just try to be careful to not let your bosses EVER find out what you do. If they did, they might not be too happy....to put it mildly. LOL.
Good Luck.
I am SO intrigued by this submissions! Sidenote: I feel funny using the word 'submisson' after reading the dom. Comment, haha.
Honestly, I don't think your night job is a big deal. Nannies, just like everyone else, are sexual beings. You're taking care of yourself by doing this in a safe and legal way and you keep it 100% separate from your day job. This sounds like the makings of a good book or blog to me!
This post made my day! You are awesome! Don't feel guilty at all for your second job, I bet it is really fun and interesting!
I do not let it run my life...I make deals with myself like I have to study for x amount of time before I allow myself to "log in". Or I have to do something actually social like go out to get x amount of phone sex time. It would be very easy for me to just work my nanny job, come home and work my phone sex job and never leave my house.
My big dreams are to own a ranch. I want to have a specialty breed of animal. I know phone sex is not my only way to get this but its a start
It is sad that the nanny profession is known for the low wages. Most of the time a nanny doesn't have benefits or vacation/sick days. They do not usually have a 401k or stock options. Lets face it most are paid off the books.
I wouldn't do what you do. If you have to make a living you gotta do what you gotta do. So I am not going to judge you. Just hope you don't regret it sometime in the future.
IS THERE ANY WAY EMPLOYERS CAN SEE WHAT OTHER JOBS YOU HAVE WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR TAXES?
Excellent reply Kaydid.
I can't imagine anyone, barring extreme religion, would have an issue with this. It is perfectly fine. Heck, I don't even have an issue with someone who makes a conscious choice to be an "escort," provided it is THEIR choice.
However, I think katydid made great observations. You posted mostly just to ask if what you are doing is bad or should make you feel guilt. You also asked how to "defend" this choice (which you shouldn't even have to do). It does suggest you have some personal reservations and I think it would be a big shame for you to do something that ends up making you feel badly for years to come. Or something you feel you need to "confess" to future potential husbands, etc.
I also think the observation about potential future career impacts is real. If you are working for a legit company, you gave your SSN, filed a W2 and there is a clear paper trail of your employment. If your dreams include anything in the public eye, this may harm you in the future. It shouldn't, but it might.
You sound a lot more confident in your update, and you sound like you enjoy the job. I think that's great! As long as YOU are at ease with this job and don't worry about future impacts, then talk away and earn some money without one iota of guilt.
I wouldn't do something that I wouldn't be comfortable with people finding out about. Example; if you wind up divorced that's going to be used against you by your husband, your kids will know & so will everyone else. If you're okay with everyone knowing go for it. Otherwise don't. I know a girl who did that when she was a single mom. She wasn't too happpy when her now husband and her now teen daughter found out through an exfriend. If I were you I wouldn tell anyone else. To answer your question no you have nothing to feel bad about.
If I did a background check on you and you're being paid with your SS#, I could find out what you do.
This is very strange. Here I thought nannies were either asexual creatures that reproduced via a form of mitosis, or they were animatronics manufactured by the Walt Disney company.
I guess you learn something every day.
Well to be honest I have no sex life
I can't have birth control and I'm worried I will get pregnant.
So if I get caught I could honestly use the defense that this is my only sex life.
So do you think this will harm my future? Like if I went into another field
Did being a dominatrix or stripper harm anyone's future?
Just be careful to cover your tracks.
Hint: Think Kevin Clash + Elmo.
This is NOT YOUR SEX LIFE.
This is business; there should be NO emotional involvement for you. You should not experience any self-satisfaction except that of a job well done when each call is over.
It should not be a substitute for anything YOU need emotionally or sexually. Your 'clients' are strangers to you. It is acting. It is WORK. If you cannot emotionally dissasociate yourself from this job, then you should not be doing it.
And again, you should not have to justify it to anyone. It is legal. It does not affect the work you do at your other job(s). It is a paycheck.
Think this through. If you aren't mature enough to view it this way, you should stop doing it right away and do some other kind of job, because the statement you just made about it being "your only sex life" is unhealthy.
Stay safe.
ummm can you tell us where you work and how you got into it? and how much you make? As someone who was considering stripping on the weekends to pay my student loans that sounds like a GREAT idea.
It depends. I would never work for anyone else. I am extremely independent. So Id have no worries about a future employer knowing. What would concern me is that I have a very traditional family. I would be looked down upon for a job in the sex industry. However; even considering that; Id still work in the sex industry if that's what I wanted to do. Its my life. I get to make my own choices. Its only my & my wonderful hubbys business. Nobody elses. It really surprised me that you said you'd say it was your only outlet if you got caught. You're an adult. You owe NOBODY an explaination as to why you do what you do. I honestly see your lack of autonomy (maybe?) Or confidence as the REAL issue. You should be LOTS more self-confident girlie! XoX If you want to do something you will be the one to benefit from it financially and you have to live with the consequences, good & bad. Please start to work on your self-worth. Maybe this job will actually boost your esteem. You seem like a very sweet person. I wish you the best.
Regarding birth control: Can you use condoms & spermacide? I did that while charting. No sex while I'm about to or ovulating. GL hun. Xo
Go go sexyjobs.com and search for phone sex
I make 4-5 bucks per fifteen minutes plus tips
I do not get emotianally attached. Even in the actual.real conversations, I make up most everything. I make up stories and where I am as well as my hobbies. It's a character.
I use condoms but stuff happens.
Long before I met my boyfriend I had the ability to separate sex and love which is why this job is so easy for me.
I'm not going to lie, when I was 20 I tried doing this and I couldn't last a week. I would take things to heart and I had no self.confidence or maturity. But now that I'm older its a lot easier.
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