This sighting took place at a Worthington Hills Elementary school in Columbus. When I first saw the nanny, she looked no more than 14 years old, but I realized after hearing her talk to other parents that she was a college student. After hearing her, she sounds more like a responsible 30 year old. As soon as her first charge was released, she immediately gave her full attention to him, greeting him. The boy, 4-6, dropped his belongings (backpack, jacket, lunchbox) on the ground, and stopped walking. Nanny immediately walked the remaining distance to him. She dropped to his level for eye contact, and asked him why he had dropped his belongings. His only response was "Pick those up, now." Nanny responded with asking if he needed help carrying his things, and told him she was happy to help if he asked politely. He looked at her, repeated for her to pick them up, then began walking in a circle. Nanny asked if anything had happened that day, and reassured him that he could tell her anything if something was wrong. Instead, he began elbowing her stomach each time he passed her. Nanny let him know that hitting was not acceptable behavior, and gave a firm warning. Charge stopped elbowing, and instead stomped on her foot rather harshly. Nanny let him know that he was free to make his own decisions, however any decisions that harmed others were never OK and that there were consequences. She laid out what would happen if the behavior continued, being firm, direct, and consistent.
Whoever this woman is is a saint. She let him know of his consequence, then shifted into saying that they should move on and find ways to make the day positive. The child then picked up his backpack and whipped it against her, laughing. He ran into the car, kicking it a few times before getting in. While waiting for the second charge (the children are dismissed in rounds) he began playing with the doors. Nanny got out to close doors, he crawled into the front seat and attempted to lock her out. Shortly after settling down, a young girl walked to the car. She told her nanny that "You better not be a brat today. I am not doing my homework or reading. You're so stupid." After this, the girl got in the car and they drove off, so I do not know the results of the incidents. If anyone knows this nanny, please let her know that she should leave! She seems amazing and many others would kill for a nanny like her. No nanny ever deserves to be treated poorly.
27 comments:
Boy - you have really posted a unique nanny sighting. In my memory this is a 1st,usually in a good nanny sighting the kids are good too !
you are very good at writing too - i almost felt like i was there **shiver** lol
i hope you post again in the future you are very observant
Agreed! Thank you for sending this in, OP. Good Sightings are just as welcome as Bad.
It is nice to have an uplifting Story once in awhile!
Wow she is being abused by the kids in the family. Maybe, she reads these stories. Could be a wake up call for her.
Out of curiosity, what would you guys do if you were in this situation? I wonder what her "consequences" were. It sounds like these kids never have consequences for the things they do wrong. I babysat for a family not long ago whose kids were pretty good but occasionally they got pretty nasty to each other, but the parents said they could do whatever they wanted. -Anything- they wanted. So while I told them that fighting wasn't okay, there was no course of action for me to take to prevent it other than distract them or tell them to stop.
Ahh memories. I was in this situation not too long ago. Aria, I think you hit the nail right on the head. Those kids either don't have consequences for their behavior, or they're both little sociopaths... and it's highly unlikely that there would be two in one family.
I agree, this nanny needs to find a family where she's respected and loved. I wonder how long she's been at her job; that kind of behavior gets old really fast.
What a great post ! Along with everything said above. (abuse, no consequences) these kids strike me as having some major emotional scars. I instantly thought of yesterday's OP whose family has been through 4 and now 5 nannies. These kids have trust issues to the extreme. They are putting up walls with their caregiver because the simply don't believe she'll be around long. Can you imagine how many nannies they've been through?
Kids can be utter brats but there's good reason and it's not really their fault. However they may be too entrenched in their protective mechanisms to be able to shift. Some of this may be permanent. It's really fucked up
Without parents backing this nanny up- it's a lost effort. No one is here to be a doormat to kids and by staying you would show these kids it's ok to treat someone (an adult!) this way. They need a drill sergeant before they need a MaryPoppins. What a terrible situation.
Whoever this nanny is I hope she realizes that despite handling this beautifully her efforts will be for nothing without serious partnership with the parents. They must be willing to discipline these kids. And get them to therapy.
Funny how kids know in school bad behavior will not be tolerated. Then you see them with their caregivers and its a totally different ballgame.
A lot depends on how the parents treat their nanny. One example: I took care of an 8 year old girl as a live-in. Whenever something didn't go her way she started screaming, whining and yelled at me:" My mom can fire you anytime. You have to do what I say."
One day I had enough and told her:" You know what Sarah, I know your mom can fire me, but I can quit as well. I am going upstairs now to pack my bags."
And I saw how it started working in her head. She had never thought about me having that right. She always heard her patents talking about fireing the cleaning lady or someone else who was working for them.
Of course I did not quit, because even she could be a little devil I still enjoyed working for that family. Sarah never said the "fireing sentence" again ;).
Nannyabroad I definitely think maybe the parents do not treat her that well. I hope she finds a family that the children and parents appreciate her because either those two are absolute brats and the parents are horrible too or they are just brats and neither scenario sounds fun!
I've seen this sort of situation with classmates of my charges. If the parents are not good employers they go through a series of nannies. As EastBay said, the children become distrustful and put up walls. It can be impossible for a new nanny to bond with them.
I feel sorry for the children, and the nanny. She sounds like a student with a PT job picking up after school, so maybe it is worth it to her to suck it up, but I would quit. I don't think she can turn this around in a couple of hours after school It isn't worth it to be miserable.
My gosh! This sighting is nuts! This Nanny sounds like a saint. If there is one thing I will not tolerate in my charges it's disrespect of persons. Whether it's a playmate, parent, teacher or myself. It's so sad that they've been allowed to behave this way with no consequences from Parents or Nanny. The Nanny sounds like an absolute saint. I have no idea how she deals with this. I hope she's getting paid well.
Maybe I'm just a total pessimist, but this doesn't sound like a great nanny to me. She sounds very patient, sure, but she had absolutely no control over those kids. They didn't respect her and they were abusive. It really makes me wonder if she does follow through with consequences or if she's all talk...in which case the kids would definitely know they can get away with anything.
I agree, Miss Mannah. She was being way too lenient. I agree with her describing the rules and what would happen if he didn't behave, but she didn't appear to follow through. I babysit a girl who can be very difficult, and her parents make it so much worse by giving in to her. She listens to me because I immediately follow thru on a punishment. Example: not long ago, she got in a terrible habit of throwing her food on the floor in a fit. Her parents just ignored it the time she did it with them. When she tried it with me, I immediately moved her from her chair, handed her the empty plate and said "We do not throw our food on the floor in a fit. Clean it up right now". I said this in a firm but not unkind voice, and she immediately got to work. You should absolutely treat children with love and respect and discipline fairly, but you also need to be a firm authority figure.
Wow!So my friend reads this site, and told me about it and how it sounds like me... And it is! So to clarify a few things. When I took this job, I was told nothing about the boy's tendencies, however the parents were aware and it was not a new development - the use a nanny notebook, and their were notes almost every day about similar behavior from both children. I've only been in the job for a month, and there have been some days where it is amazing - and some that are worse than this. Each time it went well, I thought I was making progress, but it always went down south. That particular day, I did not want to further embarrass the child in front of his peers, and worsen the situation, but I always follow through with consequences. I have been with this family for a little over a month, and recently gave my two weeks. Their previous nanny was incredibly laid back. The kids have told me many horror stories about how she would leave them alone for hours while she texted her boyfriend. I really think that they learned the habit that they only got attention from her when they misbehaved. I have made several attempts to discuss with the family the issue of his violence, but either the parents are in denial, as they always blame the behavior on something else, or they think that it is normal for a young boy to be violent and a girl to be sassy. While I totally understand that environment affects children and they things like exhaustion affect behavior, when it is this frequent you either need to change their sleeping habits, diet, or do something - because in the long term, learning that this behavior is how to deal with emotions is NEVER good. When I came in, the only system they had in place was to give the kids quiet time when they were acting up - but when it was so frequent, they just turned it into an extended play time on their own. I created a marble jar for the kids, with some marbles randomly marked with silver dots to indicate a special treat, and that when the jar was full, we would have a special day activity. Whenever I was hit, they lost a marble, and if the behavior continued, privileges, such as access to my "kid kit" were revoked. While the parents aren't bad, they are no help, and I am pretty much left to my own devices. I began searching for a job a few weeks ago, and have found a much better family with better charges and better pay!
Thanks The Nanny for coming here and clarifying this situation. You do sound like a good nanny, it was only based on the OP's description that I thought you weren't following through with threats. Like they say, there's always two sides to a story. I'm glad you've found another job and I hope you'll be happy with the family. Now that you've explained the background on these kids, I kind of feel sorry for them. Sounds like they've never learned behavior or impulse control.
This is all the reason why I only care for infants.
I had a 3 year old call me a cry baby fucker. She and her 2 year old sister would call each other bitches, mean-ass, ugh no children again. Ever. Their father thought it was the funniest, cutest thing. They're 9 and 8 now. I know not all kids are like that but I can't bring myself to apply for a job with children ages 2-5 years old
OP- Congratulations on quitting that situation. I hope you've found an awesome new match.
Wednesday, that's like saying I avoid all white people because I was raped by one & molested by two more. That's too broad of a brush. You're only limiting yourself. You're missing out on some great little people, based on the actions of a few.
Agree Two Cents
BUT she has the right to work for whoever she wants and age group.
I suppose but whenever I go to apply to a job with 2-5 year olds I always end up chickening out. I don't think of it as missing out. Can't miss out on something that doesn't appeal to you.
I can handle infants better in the long run anyway. Children can tell you what they need. I seem to just have a way with babie.
Really, phone? Babie?
* baby ha
The Nanny - you are VERY great at ideas invloving encouragement, empathy and consequences - your next family will be lucky to have you - you are a class act
I hope these poor kids find a nanny willing to sick it out. This nanny leaving will only magnify their problems. These kids want to be loved.
Is it the nannys responsibility? No. The parents need to kick down more $$$, so the next nanny will be motivated to stay. But I don't think its likely. They dont see the problem.
I feel bad for the nanny, who has to endure such treatment. But I feel much worse for the children. They're living in turmoil. They're not getting their needs met & they're screaming out for someone to notice & to actually do something. The parents are checked out. I think their only hope is a nanny willing to stick it out.
Wednesday, I agree with you. You're not missing out anything if you don't have that desire. I do not work with kids older than 4 for that very same reason. To be honest, I'm not really fond of any job with kids older than 2, but I have had a couple of good experience with preschoolers.
Not working with a certain age because you don't like the age is one thing. Not working with a certain age because you've had a couple of bad experiences is a whole nother thing.
I don't work with kids beyond 6 because I don't enjoy working with them. Specifically I tend to stick to the 0-4 marker, like mannah. I've had great experiences with kids who were older but the position was long term and I was with the kids from 2 and 3 to 5 and 6.
Small children are much easier to entertain. Lol.
I am with you guys. If I were to pick an age for a child to nanny for, I would ideally keep it to ages under six. I love babies, especially newborns. Even though they are a lot of work. Assuming the family wouldn't part ways with their nanny for any other reason that the kids get too old, being hired to watch a newborn would mean a longer duration with the same family. So that's a good thing. I also can't stand kids fighting. Preteen siblings that like to fight sound like a nightmare to me.
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