(author name withheld by request)
7:58 arrive at work. Employer glances at clock and rolls her eyes. She thinks I've cut it too close and she's in a bad mood having spent the past half hour having to care for her own children.
7:59 boss leaves kitchen.
8:00 boy and girl cry for their mother.
8:15 children settled and eating breakfast.
8:16 mother pops back in, grabs a post it and leaves kitchen.
8:17 children crying for their mother
8:20 children settled back down and eating breakfast
8:21 Father comes down. He wants to know what all the racket is. He looks at me, both to try and read me (and why I might be neglecting my duties as a nanny) and to get a better view of my silhouette in this form fitting tshirt.
8:24 father leaves
8:25 Mother returns. Asks what my plans are for the day.
8:26 I say nicely, "I haven't made any plans". I don't say, "every time I make plans you fuck them up"
8:27 Mother informs me that the kids are going stir crazy and should be out today. Mother suggests that Maybe I can "kill a few hours at the park". Mothers asks me if I have seen her lambskin wallet. What? I shake my head in the negative. Mother asks me if I can drop off some film for her at the photo mart, pick up some dry cleaning and pick up some groceries. I agree. Anything to get away from her. She hands me her credit card. She eyes me with what must be a warning. I take the card and get the kids ready.
8:40 Both kids are ready. Dressed with their teeth brushed. Shoes are on. Mother appears in hallway. Son says, "I want you" to mother.
Mother says, "why are you wearing that" to two year old son.
I ask, "is there something wrong".
Mother answers, "No, not wrong, just an odd choice".
8:45 I back out of the garage. 3 year old girl is crying for her Mom. I tell her we are going to ----- an indoor playspot in the morning. She begins to show signs of happiness. Outside of the garage the mother is suddenly standing. I hide my look of annoyance.
"Did you forget something" I ask.
"No, but you did" she says hurtling dry cleaning through the window, "you might as well drop these off since you're going to be there anyway".
I smile, back up and drive off.
11:15 AM I have run all of the errands and am sitting watching the children play at toddler section of indoor playspot. Incoming call from the Mother. I answer.
"Oh my God, I thought something happened" she screeches.
"What, what would happen?" I ask.
"Well, where are you. You've been gone all morning" she asks.
I re chronicle the morning for her.
"I don't want them eating fast food" she states.
"They are not. We will be home for lunch at twelve"
"You mean at twelve or before" she suggests. (Lunch must be served at twelve in her head).
"Before" I acquiesce.
11:44 AM I am in the kitchen cutting up cantaloupe and making grilled cheese sandwiches. Mother rolls through kitchen. Son cries for a hug. Mother looks at my pan, "kind of greasy" she says to no one in particular. She rifles through a cupboard for a vitamin c tablet which she begins chomping aggressively. Ignoring greetings from both her kids, she leaves room.
11:45 Three year old girl is crying.
11:54 Both kids happy and eating their lunch.
11:55 Mother strolls in kitchen and eyes clock curiously. She goes to pantry and grabs a bag of Jalapeno potato chips and a diet coke from the refrigerator and plops down at the table with the kids.
11:56 Both kids crying for potato chips.
11:57 Mother huffs away exhausted with the demands put upon her chips to eat at her desk.
11:58 Both children crying.
12:38 PM I am on the floor building with giant blocks with the kids. They are happy and laughing. Mother rolls through family room. She glances at clock and shakes her head at me. "I think they need to go down for a nap, I need them to sleep tonight".
"I usually put them down between 1245 and 1:00", I say (as I have done this for four months).
Mother looks at me, the wall clock and her watch. She shakes her head. "I'll do it" she says with exasperation.
12:40 Mother is back in the family room. I wonder how it is even humanly possible that the kids could both be in bed."What are you making for dinner?" she asks. ( I cook for the children)
"I was going to make fish and green beans" I say.
"Fish and green beans" she says repulsed. She stares at me. She opens the refrigerator and stares at the refrigerator. She opens the freezer and stares at the freezer. She sighs with exhaustion. "I can't even think about this now".
She walks away, disappearing in to some hall in the house. I spend the next two hours organizing playroom and washing and folding children's laundry.
2:30 I am in the girl's bedroom getting her up from her nap. Mother comes to doorway and scoops up child. Mother gives daughter a big hug. Mother invites daughter to grocery store. Daughter hugging mom tightly.
2:35 Mother and Daughter depart for grocery store. Mother looks at me and says, "can you get ---- up? I don't need him sleeping all day".
3:05 ---- and I are in the family room playing with firetrucks. Mother rushes in. "I've got bags, bags" she hollers. This is my cue to go and fetch bags.
3:08 Boy is crying out to me trying to chase me. Mother puts foot out to stop son from going after me. He trips and falls on the hardwood floor. Boy begins to cry. "Are you tired or do you need a time out" she asks her two year old.
3:14 I have retrieved 8 bags from the car and they are on the counter. Together, the Mother and I sort through the bags while the children fight over a Dora toy. Mother produces a package of ground turkey. "Here", she says, "I was thinking you could so something with this on the grill". I smile. Mother reaches in the refrigerator and pulls out the containers of milk. She dumps them in the sink. "I'm taking the kids off cowmilk, I want them only to have soymilk". I smile.
3:45 I am outside playing with the children on the swingset. Mother summons me inside. Her blu ray player for her bedroom has arrived and she wants it set up now. "Can you help me" she asks?
4:00 I am in her bedroom setting up the blue ray. The children are touching her linens, her curios. She is screeching at them, "Stop, please stop, you are driving me crazy".
4:11 Blue Ray installed. Back outside with the children.
4:30 Barney DVD on in family room. I am preparing to grill ground turkey and corn.
4:35 Mother comes in family room. Flips DVD player off. Turns on Fox News. Complains about Japan. Feigns horror over scenes of destruction.
4:38 Children are all over the place. Boy is at my legs asking to be picked up. Girl is standing on the sofa. Mother yelps, "what is WRONG WITH YOU TODAY". Then she abruptly leaves rooms.
4:39 Girl is crying for her mother
4:45 Barney back on. Both kids settle down.
5:00 I am sitting down at the table eating with the kids.
5:01 Mother takes phone call from friend and starts raving about "fat fucking whore". Children eat quietly.
5:25 Dinner is over. The kids have eaten. I am cleaning up the kitchen. Mother asks, "What, did they not eat?"
"No, they ate" I answer.
"Did they drink their milk" she asks.
"---- (girl) did, ----- (boy) didn't." I say.
The kids are about to leave table. "Oh no you don't", she says to two year old. She plops him back in his booster. "You do not leave the table until this is gone".
5:28 Son is crying not drinking.
5:38 Son is crying, not drinking.
5:45 Mother abruptly removes son from booster and plops him on the floor. "I CANNOT TAKE THIS" she bellows to no one in particular.
5:46 The kitchen is cleaned up. I go to grab my purse. "Wait, can you just take them upstairs? I just need a minute" Mother begs.
6:20 Mother arrives upstairs, expresses exasperation.
6:21 I give the kids hugs and say goodnight. "I'll see you tomorrow" I say to them all.
"At eight" the Mother asks.
"Um, yes" I say. (I always arrive at eight. I never start work at any other time).
Downstairs I pass by the father in the den. He looks up but says nothing. "Goodnight" I call out.
Silence.
What's your day like? Email isawyournanny@aol.com .
99 comments:
Eleven hours a day and I am guessing five days a week? And she is home all day?
I am surprised you are still there. Do you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day, too tired to even eat? Do you dread going to work in the morning, knowing that you have to see HER? That's how I felt when I worked for the finger pointing, brain fried crackhead who frowned on any form of discipline, always accusing me of things (like stealing her checkbook) and giving children permission to as they wished, if it meant injuring another child or staff member.
If you are able to do so, I would leave ASAP. This doesn't sound like a good environment. If you do find another position, I would explain to the new family that you are leaving your current position due to discrepancies in the work agreement, which in this case is household functioning and child rearing philosophies. Clearly how this mother responds to her children's reaction toward her is an example of the childcare philosophy, which neither of you share. Does the self-absorbed bitch understand that they are her children and they want to see her?
Maybe what you can do is take the children out right away when you get there first thing in the morning. Tell her you have a fun day planned for them, and you need to leave immediately. If she calls, don't answer the phone right away. Call her back and tell her you were having so much fun and you couldn't answer when it rang. Tell her you are taking the children to lunch, and that you will return after naptime. Return the children to her at the time you get done, say you had a wonderful day, and tell the children you will see them tommorrow.
If you are able to, start watching the children at your house, where they know they are loved, valued, and respected, since the mother doesn't want them.
What she needs is counseling, since she sounds like a self absorbed bitch suffering from a somatoform disorder.
Do I see passive aggressive around every corner?
Whatever you make, it's not enough. You have the patience of Job.
I'd get another job, but maybe that is just me.
Wow.... I can't even imagine being in a place like that! You need to find something better. She treats you like a dog
I was getting exhausted just reading that.
Brilliant!!!
Wow.
Sadly that's what goes on here when grandmother is here.
I hope she pays you well because I would've lost it by now, just the 5 days I had to deal with that last week drove me to drink half a bottle of wine every single night.
It's so sad when you can't help but ask, "why did these people have children?"
Unfortunately, I don't think parents realize how much harder it makes the day when they are around. But to make it worse, your MB is rude, inconsiderate, and totally obnoxious.
I hope you get paid a lot because if you don't, (and even if you do) please know that there are families out there who trust, respect, and appreciate their nannies - and pay well.
Where are you in Weschester? I grew up in Chappaqua and I Nannied for people like this in High School...actually in High School that would have been babysitting. You are being so disrespected. I would locate a good nanny agency and find another job ASAP.
Keep us posted!
Wow. I can't see why anyone would stay in that sort of job unless they either liked being in a toxic situation or were so well paid that there was no way they were willing to lose the lifestyle that paycheck bought them. Yes, the children need you, but really?
In 30 years or so, those kids will be abusing and ogling the nannies they have hired to care for their own offspring - you can't change that, no matter how much abuse you accept from their parents now.
I honestly don't know how you haven't been driven to drink, drugs or a combination of both by this deranged woman. She does not respect you as a professional, and her kids are going to be telling a shrink about their childhoods sooner than she realises. Start looking for a new job now, and leave as soon as you find one; I hate to think what a nutcase like this would do if you gave her notice, however short it was.
every other family in westchester county is like this
the moms are all nasty,anorexic looking, ugly bitches!
I bet you the husband is cheating on her
soy is not healthy
Wow, just wow. I admire the way you've aptly shown both the humor and tragedy in this kind of scenario. Describes my last boss to a T.
-Passive aggressive comments about the children's clothing, food, and activities? Check
-Waltzing through the room just when the children have stopped crying? Check
-Blaming nanny when the children start crying again? Check
-When all else fails, blame the children for being "out of control"? Check
-Constant display of stress/exhaustion, even though somebody else is caring for your children, cleaning your home, doing your laundry, and earning the money
My conclusion is that this situation can work if you figure out how to create the illusion that she is in control of everything, while subtly exerting your own influence. It's not for the faint of heart. Good luck to you.
1. Why do you wear form-fitting shirts to work if you know the dad is going to look at your boobs?
2. Why didn't you pre-arrange with the mom specific times for her to be with the children, so she wouldn't be popping in all day long?
3. Why when she asked "what are you doing today" you didn't have an answer?
4. Why, if your workday starts at 8, do you arrive at 7:28 and that is still considered cutting it close?
5. Why do you run errands for the mom? (unless of course your actual title is Personal Assistant and not Nanny)
6. Why have you not expressed any concerns to the mother and instead just smile and nod?
Most Importantly:
7: Why are you still working for this control-freak crackhead?
Monkeyshines - you are from Westchester too? Where??
Everytime I read a nanny post such as this, I am all that much more thankful to have a nanny job that I love so very much!
Ugh please look for another job! I don't think I could ever work for someone like this. I can't believe there are even families like this near me. I work in Greenwich, CT and luckily have only had the pleasure of working for down to earth families who treat me well!! I guess I will avoid jobs in Westchester county...
OP, I hope when your Momboss was on the phone talking about the "fat whore" she was not referencing you. But I doubt she was since Dadboss was looking at you. Or perhaps Momboss is just jealous because you are much prettier than she is.
Anyhow, I don't have to tell you the obvious. This job is pure torture. Unless you are being paid a pretty penny to show up each day and take all of Momboss's BS, I would leave immediately. Do not give notice. Why?? If you think your job is hell, imagine what it will be like if and when you give notice. Tenfold worse. I promise.
If you truly are stuck in this job and need the income NOW to live, then Plan B would be to keep the job and look for another when you get home. Go to an agency, Care.com and/or Sittercity.com. Avoid Craigslist like the Plague. People who use CL to find childcare are too cheap to pay for Care.com or Sittercity.com and most definitely would NOT pay an agency fee. Their mentality is that why should they pay for something that they can get for free?? But doing so can be risky since anyone on the planet can post ads on Craigslist these days. (YEP GUYS..EVERYONE THESE DAYS HAS ACCESS TO INTERNET IN SOME WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.)
I think you are nuts to work for a stay-at-home parent. These types of jobs are only recipes for disaster dear. You will have Momboss constantly watching over you and giving orders all day. Try to find a position where both parents work out of the home and thus you can have complete autonomy.
I thought your post was very funny and I think all of us nannies see ourselves in your shoes at one time or another.
Don't give up. There must be some families out there who treat their nannies like the Goddesses we are.
I'd wouldn't be able to hold my tongue at some of her comments, I'd give the passive aggressive right back at her. You are one very patient person and should start looking for something else.
I could have written this six months ago. I swear my former boss and your current boss must be sisters. The passive-aggressive BS made me insane. The job started out fine -- the mom was a little controlling and micro-managing, and both parents worked from home so it was pretty incessant, but it was livable. As time wore on, it got worse and worse. After a year and a half, it was unbearable and my average day looked almost identical to this timeline. Leaving that job was the best decision ever. Now I work for a wonderful family who trusts and respects me, and they both work outside the home so there is no micromanaging. And I made it clear during the interview process that I was looking for a nanny position only -- no "household management" no "personal assistance". I cannot even begin to tell you how much better my life is now that it was six months ago. That job was killing me slowly. To the nanny who posted this: GET OUT. You will be so glad you did.
uh wow. I would not be able to handle this. I would go home crying every single day. I hate saying it but these people have no business having children if this is how they act with them. They are rude to you and the kids.
1. Why do you wear form-fitting shirts to work if you know the dad is going to look at your boobs? If I woudlnt have said I was wearing a form fitting shirt, wouldn't you have wondered what he was looking at? He doesn't talk but he does leer at me. My backside, etc.
2. Why didn't you pre-arrange with the mom specific times for her to be with the children, so she wouldn't be popping in all day long? Really? Have you ever worked for a stay at home mother? Despite the fact they delegate raising their children to someone else, they like to appear in charge.
3. Why when she asked "what are you doing today" you didn't have an answer? Really? Just not answer her?
4. Why, if your workday starts at 8, do you arrive at 7:28 and that is still considered cutting it close? I chronicled an actual day and I had asked to leave 1/2 hour early on Friday and so I told her I would come early on Monday. My schedule is 8-6 every day. I do not get credit for staying late, but surely had to make up my early departure that day. I have adjusted the times so it makes more sense with the regular schedule. I should have chronicled any other day. But they are all versions of the other.
5. Why do you run errands for the mom? (unless of course your actual title is Personal Assistant and not Nanny) Because I can get away from her. It does rain and snow. The worst thing in the world is to be stuck inside with her all day. That makes her mad and more passive agressive.
6. Why have you not expressed any concerns to the mother and instead just smile and nod? Seriously?
Most Importantly:
7: Why are you still working for this control-freak crackhead? I make $18 an hour and have great health insurance provided.
Submitter..it is weird that you justify your post by stating that you stay with this job because you make $18/Hour, etc.
Then why are you on this blog complaining and ranting about your job, if you are happy with the pay and happy that you have health insurance??! You should know that if you post this rant, people will sympathize with you and tell you to quit.
Obviously, you don't plan on doing so since you are making so much and have your health insurance paid for. What do you expect? If you complain, then do something about it. And if you won't do anything to change your situation, then just shut up. Period.
<3 Kendra
Please find another job. You obviously
cannot stand your employer. And I am not sure she is the passive aggressive one.
I think what MissMannah was saying when she asked why you didn't have an answer for her when your employer asks about your day plans is WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A PLAN. I sincerely don't think she was insinuating you don't answer her.
And I was totally sympathizing with you up until you defended yourself for the reason your'e staying there is because you make 18/hr and get awesome health care. There are plenty of other people that do pay that much and don't treat you like dirt. Get a clue.
So, you do stay for the money, as I thought. Except for the sort of abuse you claim to be taking, you aren't making all that much money. Even if your $18 per hour morphs to $27 per hour for your 10 hours of OT, you're selling your happiness and self-esteem awfully cheaply.
And I did note that you at least don't claim to be staying for the kids, which is quite wise of you - once MB fires you for carrying bags badly, or cooking the wrong chicken, you'll be just one in a line of interchangeable victim-nannies and those kids won't remember you a year later.
I guess this was funnier when I thought you might be planning to get out and find a family you could actually like working for, without lecherous dad and lazy narcissist mom.
Good luck to you - if you're staying in this job, you definitely need it.
@Rebecca
I was a nanny in Bedford Hills
Holy Crap Monkeyshines! That's the town next to my parents! Are you still in the area? I'm visiting home in late May - early June. We could grab a cup of coffee and talk stories.
OK, looks like I have another why question for you: Why are you asking me if I'm being serious with my questioning? Absolutely I'm serious! I'm starting to have my doubts as to whether you're really serious about your job, as the only part you've claimed to like about it is the pay and insurance.
And yes, unicornsparkleprincess (love that name, btw) understood what I was asking. If your boss asks what your plans for the day is, at least try to pull something out your ass so you're not stuck with "I don't have any" for an answer because that is begging for her to fill your day with her nonsense.
I think people who are berating the OP have no clue what it's actually like to work in this situation. As OP stated, mothers like this have an intense need to feel like they are in control of their children's (and nanny's) day. I guess it makes them feel like they are actually involved in their children's lives. And it's nice to think you should be able to talk to your boss, but there is no way to have an honest conversation with someone like this who is so in denial about themselves and their children.
Honestly, I did not even read this as OP "complaining." For the most part it was "just the facts." The crazy speaks for itself.
@BostonUndercover
I actually have been employed by someone like this, but enough finally become enough (6 months later), and I had to put in my two weeks notice because I realized that there were way better employers out there who would pay more.
I can understand the complaining because like I've said, I've been there before...it wasn't her complaining that bothered be initially it was that she clearly didn't want to do anything about because she felt that money was more important.
@Anon: The reason we are supposedly "turning" on the nanny is that she is ranting/complaining about how bad her job is. She is obviously not too attached to the kids, hates the mother, feels uncomfortable around the Dad and feels under appreciated and overworked. So she writes a rant then subsequently states that she makes good money and gets her insurance paid for. This is what we have a problem with. She is basically justifying everything by saying the money is good. This is a poor example to write about on a nanny website. Seriously...no amount of money should be worth having to put up with being treated the way she is being treated by her bosses. It is demeaning and disrespectful. To be in a position where this nanny has to endure all this just for the sake of money speaks volumes on her part. Obviously she is so materialistic that she thinks a certain amount of money takes precedence over being treated like a human being. She is a very sad person if she uses money to justify everything.
Sure times are still (!) tough. But just because times are bad, doesn't mean people should stay in jobs where they are being treated horribly on a daily basis. What a horrible message you are conveying Anon. Human beings deserve respect. Plain & Simple. How can anyone have a problem with that???
OP/submitter: be aware that there are some negative commenters on this blog that for some reason bash the OPs - you were just as patient with that as you are with the crazy mom LOL
I think your post is extremely interesting. And i understood completely why you don't plan the day - the crazy mom will change any plan you make so - just leave it to her - i get it.
i also completely understand staying in a difficult position when the pay is good. I was once criticized on this blog for saying the same thing.
We are in a world wide recession right now and it's going to get worse before it gets better - any job that is tenable let alone good pay should not be taken for granted - i think you handle the crazy mom very well.
Also - i may get flamed by the flamers for saying this but blogs are not necessarily for giving advice or taking it 100% of the time - blogs can be for entertainment,venting,sympathizing,ranting,giving an opinion.
And mothers like your MB are the reason i had to quit being a nanny - my skin was too thin - i now own my own child-oriented business with lots of clients - and i have the same view as you - if they are pains in the toosh and do not pay much - bye! But if they are good money i will take more irritation though i do have my limits.
You sound very professional with a good thick skin - keep makin money and report back to us anytime - great post!
I don't understand bashing the OP. First this was not a rant. It was a "day in the life" a feature we had advertised for submission for months ago. I think sometimes the details of a nanny's job can be quite interesting. I think a lot of people in a lot of professions do not like their jobs and especially now are stuck in their jobs because of the economy. I don't know but 18 for a nanny with health insurance sounds pretty okay to me. Unemployents is at 10 percent but that's only the legal workers they count, not the bazillions of illegals that steal the nanny jobs from Americans every year. I think everyone who had something mean to say is JEALOUS. I would have put up with more when I was a nanny. I was working as a live in for two years to get out of debt and get enough money to buy my own car. Not only did I put up with attitudes but I also had the chidlren sent to me on Sunday mornings and Saturday nights. Just to say goodnight. Manipulative parents. Yes, I've seen that. I think the biggest laugh of all if the person who accused the nanny of being passive agressive. And where did it say anything about her attachment to the kids?
Honesty,. I have had it with you. I would NEVER submit a sighting or story to this blog.
It attractes degenerates and losers who flock to comment negatively. And from their polyester drawers stretched to the max, they dare to cast a stone.
Fuck you all.
kimmy - most of what you wrote is well said,albeit colorful LOL, and you did let the negative element on this blog get you angry ;0(
i noted your observation also - that when the OP disclosed that she was making good money ,that produced an immediate negative reaction among some writers - i think jealousy is a fair theory as i have noticed many blog members bash rebecca the writer who is very entertaining and interesting imo, and seems to have a happy lucrative nanny life going on.
I was bashed in the past for saying exactly what you just did - that yeah, if you are making money you may have to put up with some stuff for a while
Also - i can say from experience that some blog writers are - yes - passive aggressive - they use the children in the equation for their own purposes- accusing the OP of harming the kids when the accusation is really a smoke screen to hide a different agenda rather than child activism.
Don't let these negative people keep you from posting! I would love to read anything you write !
I think we're all aware of how bad the employment situation is right now. What I think is that WHILE you have such a shitty position, KEEP LOOKING FOR A BETTER ONE. This is what I did in my bad situation and I found a really awesome new employer.
@kimmyenjady - btw, Illegals stealing nanny jobs? Really? Maybe they wouldn't be hired if people weren't being cheap and hiring them to begin with. Blame the cheap rich people.
And this is exactly why I will never work for a stay at home OR work at home parent. This post made me want to slit my wrist and I dont even work for them. I pretty much have no sympathy for you because you took the job and continue to stay in it miserable. You do not speak up, you just take the abuse over and over. Yes, these people are awful people who should be ashamed of treating their nanny like this but come on ! Grow a pair or quit and find something you like. Geesh.
Write DITL post for this blog. Do not mention in forward or afterword that you actually kind of like your charges.
Respond to sympathethic/tough love/questioning comments with snark and say you stay for your salary and benefits.
Get smacked around by nannies who would be more prone to sympathy if you expressed any bit of concern/care about your charges.
See, if you had NO other options (no other jobs within 20+ miles paying decent salary, or the need to stay a year so you can get placed through a better agency, or anything at all that might keep you where you are), then the lack of apparent concern for the kids would be a little less bothersome to me. But if this is all about money, then I haven't much sympathy. (And nope, not even slightly jealous. I make slightly less, have fewer responsibilities and awesome employers.)
Nannies who post rants or complaints or whatever here who come across as obviously caring for their charges are going to get more sympathy along with their tough love. Why? DUH! Nannies and moms care about the kids. If you care about the kids as well, chances are we will feel for you even if we think you are a twit for accepting whatever crummy situation you are in.
<3U nycnanny!!!!
@nycnanny
yes yes yes!
@anonymous
I think people are getting the impression that she doesn't care for the kids is because when MissMannah asked why she stays, there was no mention of her care for the children. Personally, when I was going through my ordeal with my crazy MB, one of the bigger reasons I didn't leave was because I adored my charge.
I just realized who this MB reminds me of! Kate Gosselin.
How very odd.
$18 plus health insurance for 2 children isn't that uncommon; you could get that with a normal family.
l
@Rebecca
I am not a Nanny anymore, moved on! You could not pay me enough to do that sort of work again.
The kids in that area are sissafied! Westport, New Canaan, Greenwich same deal.
Btw, totally not jealous of the shitty situation. I make more than 18/hr and have a terrific employer. It's possible to criticize someone and not be jealous.
My MB and DB work all kinds of crazy hours and sometimes I get frustrated with my start and quit times changing every 5 seconds. But life is so much easier than trying to work around an insensitive MB.
As someone else pointed out, this was posted as a Day In the Life, not a rant, so OP was not really complaining about her job, but merely describing it. She talks about hugging the kids and saying goodnight, playing with them, and having a good attachment with them. There is stuff you put up with in any job, so to me it makes more sense to stay for the money (might be a prudent financial move) than to stay just because you love the kids (that really doesn't make you altruistic, just unrealistic in my opinion). If I honestly thought OP did not care at all about the children, it would be different.
I liked OPs post. It was an interesting insight into the mind and behavior of a truly bad parent and employer of nannies.
That being said, I personally would not stay at this job for any amount of money. My self respect comes before money. If this is a factual account and not nanny fan fiction, OP is in it to win it, not to be happy and surround herself with good karma.
It is her choice to put money and a job before her self-respect.
OP- this was hysterical. Thanks for a good laugh. I feel bad for your situation, but I hope you are able to see the humor in it on a daily basis. Continue to chronicle your adventures so you can one day write a best seller and actually quit this job!
Best post I have read on here in a long time!! Submit more!
I agree with @my opinion that OP is putting money in front of her own self-respect. I do not think the people bashing the OP are all jealous. Many people post how much they make on this blog. They even post the benefits they have received (does anyone read the Christmas Bonus section that is posted annually??!) Some Nannies get cars, diamonds and HUGE CASH bonuses. Yet, all these posts do not get bashed because of jealousy. I think you guys who think we are all jealous are just looking for a cheap shot so you can be right and we can be wrong.
Sadly this Nanny is a chicken. She just smiles and goes along with whatever MomBoss tells her to do. She has no self-respect and my dog has larger balls than her (and my dog is a female by the way!!!~) Anyway, for her to publicly post on a Nanny blog all the negativity of her job, then of course by default it will appear as if she is complaining. As Charlie Sheen would say, "Duh?!!" LOL. Not.
Nannies, we must all work together to get some respect from our bosses. Many view Nanny work as very blue collar and they think we are the lowest ones on the ladder. As long as Nannies like OP put up with this sh#@, it will make it harder and harder for us other Nannies to gain self-respect in this profession. She is doing a huge disservice to Nannies everywhere by justifying a high salary is more important than being treated decently.
Okay..last thought...so back in the slave days..was it okay to treat a slave like crap, to EVEN have a slave as long as the slave lived in a nice house and got nice benefits like getting to eat dinner with their slaveowner's family?
With the invocation of charlie sheen i shall now illustrate an interesting point of view of another hollywood bad boy - danny bonaduce
he may be an interesting character but he makes a point i agree with - bonaduce has almost a spiritual respect for books and writing - he says anyone who writes a book - that book is important and should be treated with respect because of the time and effort put into it and the importance of language and literacy in human communication
i am going to extrapolate that idea to this blog - if a human being takes the time and effort to address each and every one of us in their own way in writing - for what ever reason - do they not deserve respect - most particularly if they address us in a respectful way?
This op has had words thrown out at her like "ass" and "balls" ( please pardon my language in repeating the words ) and also psych evaluations such as low self esteem/no self respect etc. which in my opinion are condescending if not outright rude and imo untrue
Many of these good people addressing the op thus are nannies - i have absolutely no doubt that any such nanny or even a mom would NOT treat their charge or child in the manner we see on this thread - these bashing comments thrown at someone who just wants to address us all or express themselves in good faith with the written word
so - i will ask this question - how would the nannies on this sight who have attacked the op in this way feel if someone ELSE treated their charges in the way this op has been treated?
omfg. Did someone just compare being a nanny to slavery? Yes, being forcibly taken from your homeland, in chains, watching your sick companions get thrown overboard on the boat, being sold at auction, residing in shacks and working from sun-up to sund-down, sometimes being beaten with whips, and knowing that your children will endure these conditions in perpetuity...yup, that must be totally the same as choosing to stay in a crappy job because you get paid well
Anonymous said...
I don't understand how this got turned around on the nanny. The mom is acting unreasonably and all of the sudden the nanny doesn't have the right to complain because she's not going to just quit on the spot?
How many of you have honestly confronted an employer about "issues" and had them resolved without quitting, resentment or hostility?
And why are we faulting her for "staying for the money?" Do nannies not have bills to pay? Not all nannies can just quit and find another job without a care in the world as to how they will pay upcoming expenses. In real life, most people do not love their jobs and their employers no matter what field they work in. Those that do are very fortunate. For the rest of the population, we put up with a lot to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.
Mar 17, 2011 11:44:00 PM
repost for anonymous
Anonymous said...
Arianna, what message am I sending by relating to a nanny who chooses to stay at their job even though it's less than ideal?
If she can look for another job with a better situation while she is still working there she should. What message will quitting send or causing hostility by confronting the mom when it is a well known fact that most families will not change their ways to accommodate a nanny.
We don't all live in a fantasy land. The majority of the population puts up with a position in which they feel underappreciated, disrespected or overruled at some point. I think a more inappropriate message to send would be to quit every time you don't agree with something your boss says or does.
Also, what in her post indicated that she doesn't care for the children? Just because you don't get along with a parent doesn't mean you care for the children any less. Are you suggesting she shouldn't complain at all if she "cared about the children?"
Is venting frustration forbidden now as well? Who cares if it was a rant? Unfortunately her experience is similar to the experience of many nannies. If the site would start posting tons of happy stories about how everyone gets along and nannies love their bosses and vice versa it would not be accurately portraying the profession in my opinion.
Mar 18, 2011 10:55:00 AM
repost for anonymous
I enjoyed OP's post. It was a factual account of her day. I didn't see any ranting nor did I see any raving. I did see lots of smiling. This nanny is a saint who chooses to work in a crappy environment. She wasn't complaining; she was just recounting. It was actually rather humorous and entertaining because anyone who knows anything about children or nannying would be cringing at most of the garbage that goes on all day in this household. I enjoyed the post. Lots of people work in less than adequate environments because they need to make a living and support themselves. I respect her for actually NOT complaining, but just recounting a day in her life as a nanny for a HORRIBLE mother.
Mar 18, 2011 2:39:00 PM
repost for anonymous
I don't think the nanny loses any self respect by working where she does. She is obviously playing both parents like a fiddle.
Her IQ is probably higher than both parents put together. My guess is she is getting a kick from out maneuvering them, and the joke is on the parents, who are paying her $18 an hour for the privilege. I think it's a hoot.
I don't have the social skills. I couldn't do it. I. would. lose. my. mind.
High IQ or not, it seems to me that working in a toxic environment is not a smart thing to do for anyone's sanity. It's just not good for one's mental health. Also, this nanny will not work there forever. What happens when she needs a reference? The parents sound like such assholes that they would lie and give her a bad one.
I usually agree with you, Village, but not this time. Staying in this position is just not a smart thing to do. If it were 40 dollars an hour, that would be another story. I work in non-profit after school care and I make close to what she is making. (a dollar less)
If this nanny stays, I bet she will live to regret it.
If you are critical of the OP, as I am, have you ever worked for a set of parents like this? How long did you stick it out? Have you ever worked in that area of the country and therefore feel familiar with the types of employers there?
And for those supporting the OP, same questions.
I wonder how much our personal experience is really contributing to our responses, or if we are coming at this post purely on gut instinct...
My responses:
Have you ever worked for a set of parents like this?
Yes
How long did you stick it out?
Less than 4 months.
Have you ever worked in that area of the country and therefore feel familiar with the types of employers there?
No.
I'm truly amazed at how many responses this post has gotten. Compare the number of responses to the other posts. Think about it...what about it has compelled so many to respond?
Like Dr. Phil always says, "People treat us the way we allow them to..."
Point well taken above poster. @
I would quit, but that is just me. No amount of money is worth losing your self respect along with your mental health.
$18/Hour is not such a stellar rate for what you do OP. It is not a bad rate, but not a great rate considering all you take mentally from your Momboss.
It's a good thing you get your health insurance paid for since you are most definitely going to need it after the job is done. You wil need a lot of hours of therapy to undue all the mental anguish you will have built up from working for this witch.
Good Luck to you Dear. You will need it.
I would really like OP to come back and explain herself a little bit better. This comment thread has gotten fascinating, in my opinion, and I'd love to see her reaction. I asked her why she stays at her job and her only answer was the money. To me, this is a baffling answer. Most of us don't go into the childcare profession looking to make money--I know I certainly didn't. I make half of what she does and don't have any benefits but I stay with my job because I love what I do and the children make the days worth it, even on days I want to kill my boss.
And yes, I whole-heartedly believe that you can rationally talk to anyone about what's bothering you. If you are in a hostile working environment, you have to be proactive to change it or it will only get worse. The boss may be a heinous bitch, but she is another human being and really nothing to be afraid of, if you keep your emotions out of it. And no, I've never worked for stay-at-home parents and I never will.
OP, this sounds exactly like my boss but I'm not even a nanny! Luckily I'm only 1/2 time and she frequently works from off-site.
Adrianna H: oh honey...take some of those buckets of money your parents obviously throw at you and buy yourself the cutest little clue you can find. To say that someone who sticks with a crappy job because they NEED TO EARN THE MOENY TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES is "just materialistic" is beyond clueless.
Sorry, Arianna H, not Adrianna H.
Cali Mom, no one should have to stick it out with a job like the one described just because they need to live. That is absolutely ludicrous to me. If this were your mother or your sister, would you tell her to stay in this job just because she needs the money? Of course not, you would probably tell her to leave immediately. OP deals with so much crap in her job, she must hate waking up in the morning and her days must be hellish. You couldn't pay me enough to work 50 hours a week in her situation. I would rather go on welfare than be in her situation. Options do exist for the OP. There are probably other families out there who are in need of a great nanny. The pay may be less than $18 p/h, but she will enjoy a better work environment by far. Instead she chooses to stay in a job where she is treated like dirt, and she justifies it by saying the pay is great, etc. This is a sign of someone who doesn't value herself as a person. Who would let money override dignity? Not a self-assured person that is for sure. I would much rather work for a family that treated me good, respected me and where I could wake up every day looking forward to going to work. The pay may not be as good, but you can't put a price tag on 100% job satisfaction now can you??
OP needs to get a clue and treat herself like the wonderful, respected person she deserves to be treated as.
Disagree, if you think she could/should stay for $40 an hour, then with attribution to George Bernard Shaw, now we are just arguing over the price.
If it makes you feel any better, in an earlier post I said I would leave.
Cali mom, just because someone has self-respect and refuses to work in bad conditions, does not mean they are spoiled or clueless. I think this all boils down to priorities. My husband and I don't care about making a lot of money, we just want to be able to spend time together and be happy. As a result, we're not making very much right now as he's going through school. Could I get a higher-paying job to pay off debts quicker? Probably, but I wouldn't like it and would probably come to resent my husband and then where's the joy in that? Happiness is our priority, not money, and it will probably always be like that. You (and OP) seem to put more of an emphasis on finances. Is one lifestyle "better" than the other? No, it is just our choices. If OP chooses to resent her employers because she's happy with the pay, then I shouldn't fault her for it.
Miss Mannah- I agree with the choices part. OP is making a choice to stay in this job, but rather than see it as a valid choice and one that is benefitting her in this moment, people are claiming that OP has no self-respect, no sense of dignity, is materialist, etc, etc.
On a personal note, I worked in a terrible job for a long time (with not that great pay), and that was the right choice for me at the time (based on many factors). Being able to laugh (especially with friends and other nannies) about the absurdity of the situation really helped me to withstand it, and this is what I saw in OP's post, as well.
well said nanny2
anyone who does not have to spend some time in a frustrating job is very fortunate and should be thankful - not critical of those of us who do have to for a time.
Being in a bad job can be a learning experience as well. I think the OP is a very strong well adjusted person - i hope we hear from her again
I thought this post was funny and well written. Like some other people pointed out, this is "day in the life", not a rant. I don't understand why all of the comments become so personal towards the OP. She's choosing to stay at this job, and whatever the reasons, why does anybody here take offense to that?
Actually all of the comments have made it extra humorous. I would love to see more "day in the life" submissions on here!
Arianna, you just have clearly NEVER been in a position where you *needed* a job to support yourself and your family. Of course there are good jobs out there. There is also no shortage of money floating around the planet but it doesn't mean that anyone who needs some can have as much as they want. Skilled, responsible people have been jobhunting for 18 months and longer in this country, and just because you're broker than you've ever thought you'd be in your life doesn't mean you're eligible for "welfare", or any other benefits that might help you out. So I'm guessing you're single, under 23, and have parents that can take you in and support you as needed. Am I wrong?
For your information CaliMom, both my parents are deceased thank you very much and no I am not under 23. I am in my late 30's and I work as a nanny to support myself. I do not make very much, yet I love my current position. There is no housecleaning involved, the child is well-behaved and brought up very well by his parents and most importantly...I am NEVER talked down to by his parents. This is the top of my laundry list for a job. I once had a woman refer to me as the "hired help" and I vowed never to be referred by that again. She didn't mean it to be demeaning or even rude, but it made me feel like I was worth less than the carpet. No one has to stay in a job where they are treated as such. OP is letting herself be treated this way because she is giving her boss a license to do so! No self-respecting person on the planet would ever take this sh#@!! There are many nice families out there who are looking for a competent nanny, but may not be able to afford $18/Hour. I think OP should instead work for a nice family where she can be valued and be respected as all of us nannies should. Instead she refuses based on the money factor. Some of the posters have encouraged her to leave, yet she said she won't based on money. So I say..she made her own bed, now she needs to sleep in it.
sometimes it takes time to work toward the position you want and you need to stay in a rough one for a time - that does not mean one does not have self respect ;0)
i think some people are giving the OP a hard time based on their own past or present suffering ;0)
As far as money goes, you also have to remember that Westchester is right outside of NYC, and is quite a pricey area. Therefore, $18 is not an exhorbitant rate, but would afford a decent lifestyle. At the same time, if you do not have a lot of full-time nanny experience in this area, it is difficult to command the high-end nanny rates. So OP seems like she appreciates what she's got (full health benefits, much coveted in the nanny world) and a decent salary paid on time. I can't believe anyone (sorry I'm not going to search back to see who it was) would say going on welfare- when you are perfectly able to work AND find employment- would indicate greater self-respect than actually working hard (also, fyi, welfare- as in, cash assistance- doesn't actually pay enough to live on)
well said nanny in the city
SO Arianna, you are basically saying that you'd walk right off the job and let your children suffer if you felt your boss spoke to you in an insulting manner. Oh yeah, great example you're setting there..."Don't talk to me like that! I'll show you, I'll let my daughter starve until you apologize!"
Nanny in the city, you said it very well. And that's assuming that you are eligible for welfare benefits in the first place.
I stand by my word. I would much rather go on welfare than be mentally abused each day at work. Sure, we must all pay our dues. Some of us mop grocery store floors at midnight, some of us scrub toilets at McDonalds, etc. Hell, I used to stock shelves at Target during the night to make ends meet. These jobs are typically jobs where one must start entry-level, then based on job performance and tenure, one can climb the ladder and attain higher success. Not so in the nanny profession, you can be making $20/Hr with health insurance, car insurance, etc..provided by your family, then POOF..the child goes to daycare or pre-school...or even just simply grows up and then the nanny is back at square one where they started from.
I think this nanny is in a situation where she needs to get out. (By the way, Calimom..I am not stupid, I know you are the original poster..LOL). So I think YOU need to get out and find another job. There are many families out there who are searching for a good nanny. Just because they can't afford to pay you top rate and full health coverage does not mean you can discount them.
I would much rather work for a family where I look forward to going to work each day, have a good rapport with my bosses + am treated with dignity and respect than one where I am over worked and under appreciated. Sooner of later, their bad treatment will not only erode your morale, but affect your work ethic as well. Then things will end badly and you won't be able to use them as a reference.
Get out now before you lose your mind. You have already lost your self-respect. Is the mind next OP?? And you can always collect unemployment. It's not like we live in a third world country OP....Come on.
I have to agree with Arianna. No job is worth more than your mental health. Cali Mom, I don't think any of us are saying that just because your employer has a blow up or a bad day or snaps at you, you should up and leave. This to me sounds like we are talking about ongoing mental abuse.
Arianna H., I am about 1000% sure calimom is not the OP. Seeing as how she has never said she was a nanny, or even argued the "nanny side" of things here...
And as far as unemployment is concerned, I am pretty sure that if you quit your job, there is no unemployment for you. With states having to watch their spending these days, plus the constant extensions of unemployment benefits, unemployment claims are being scrutinized pretty carefully, and it's not as if you can just waltz into the office and say, "I am not working, where is my money???"
That said, IMO OP needs to decide if the money/bennies are worth the daily annoyances. If so, then I hope she can enjoy the job in some way. If not, then she needs to start looking for a new position and once she has found a new job, she can give notice and be told to get out that minute.
Ah, I was just starting to wonder if the blog's resident loony had abandoned us.
Anyway, OP, your situation does not sound so hot; I have worked in a similar situation and it truly was exhausting. I do love your post. Good luck.
@Tales from the Nanny Hood: I am sorry, I have tried to see the "other side" but I cannot justify anyone working under OP's conditions. I know there are many nice families out there where OP will be treated better. She does have options. She is just choosing not to utilize them because greed is a huge factor here. She would rather have a bigger salary w/benefits than work for a family that respects her, but perhaps cannot pay her as much as she makes now. In life there are trade-offs for everything, and it seems she sold her soul to the devil a long time ago. There are many people who give up jobs where they made six figures to work a job that they truly enjoy. Life is too short to stay in a job where you are not happy and from reading OP's post, it sounds like she is not happy in her job. We live in this great country where thankfully, options exist. But if we are blinded by the almighty bottom line, then we are letting greed take over.
OP is driven by such greed so she deserves to be where she is at. What I am trying to stress is if you really have self-respect (which is love for yourself), then money will NEVER EVER override how you let others treat you.
speaking of treating people in a not nice way "selling your soul to the devil" implies being evil.Far from being evil the Op is a hard worker who has her situation under control for now I do not think the OPs on this site are treated respectfully by some of the commentators and i will continue to say so without fear ;0)
Arianna,
I agree that OP has options and is choosing instead to stay in this job. What I disagree with is your conclusion that it must be because she is "greedy." As I previously stated, OP's salary is not exhorbitant for that area of the country. Not to mention that there are likely other reasons why she is choosing to stay in this job- maybe she's in school, so this is only temporary for her and/or she doesn't have the time to look for another job on top of classes. Maybe she has a lot of student loans or old credit card debt to pay off. Maybe she feels that she is capable of tolerating this for now, and when she really can't take it anymore she will leave. Maybe she sees this as building character. We don't really know. OP simply shared a humorous account of her typical day. She didn't ask for sympathy, advice, or sainthood.
@Nanny in the City: I disagree. I think anyone who posts anything on this blog knows there will be some response. There always is. (Except for the "Good Nanny Sightings.") Guess people are bored w/hearing how great a nanny is. *sigh*
Anyways, I do believe the nanny is truly motivated by greed. I didn't think so after reading her post, I only came to that conclusion when she justified not leaving by mentioning money....I feel that it is all about money to her and money overrides EVERYTHING ELSE..self-respect included. I am sure she can find another family to work for who will treat her much much better than her current. Why? Because I believe the majority of people in the world are good/decent folks and they really are not hard to find. Unfortunately, OP will not make any effort to do so saying she makes $18/Hr. While I am in agreement that that rate is not exorbitant, I think the fact that her health care is being completely paid for is. Sadly, she thinks she deserves this trade-off since the benefits are good. In other words, she may be saying, "Oh man, I hate my job so much, yet I make good money and I get free healthcare." Well, then if she thinks the only way one can be compensated well is to put up with a lot of BS at work, then I feel sorry for her. There are many nannies who probably make more than her and get even better benefits (have you ever read the annual ISYN Christmas bonus blog??!) She is just choosing to stay because she feels she is not worthy enough to get better. It's like staying w/a loser boyfriend because you do not think you can get better. It all boils down to self-respect. And she has none.
LOL, Arianna, you think I'm the OP? Actually, I'm not even a nanny but a SAHM until recently, though doing occasional freelance work, and now working PT making quite a bit more than OP and with health benefit, NOT as a nanny.
I see you are still assuming that just because you have decided to make yourself unemployed, you will automatically be entitled to enough money to live off of. Wrong on both counts.
Oh, and staying at a bad job is NOT like staying with a bad boyfriend. It would be somewhat like staying with a sugar-daddy who pays 100% of your living expenses and contributes to your retirement account and gets you access to a group health plan.
Who are you, Mother Theresa? You have no need of money, because you live an austere lifestyle amidst the poor of Calcutta? Please. Since when is there shame in being financially solvent?!
interesting that the OP tried to respond once to the thread and what with all the "ass,balls,greed,wimp,devil " (again, pardon my language) comments - the op seems to have taken a hike and chosen not to address those caliber of writers
maybe the OP is starting to take their advice after all and extricate herself from verbally abusive situations ! LOL
Good point Sharon. Good point.
OP I enjoyed reading the timeline of your work day. Thank you.
I worked for a mom who was a micro manager and control freak I was fired when I told mom that "your son has a hard time dealing when you work from home and it's not fair to him the 6 month old baby and I when I'm constantly calming and chasing him around because he wants to be with you." I told her this after she asked me why was her son crying all day?
I only made $12 an hr no insurance and worked 50 hrs a week but if I made what OP makes I would have shut my big mouth and smile.
Considering how many comments this post has generated, I am pretty sure OP is in this conversation in some way, shape or form. I have my suspicions, but of course cannot prove it and don't really want to. I have better things to do with my time.
@Calimom: Your last statement indeed is what my point was stressing. You compared the OP's situation to staying with a "Sugar Daddy" who pays for everything. I couldn't agree more. LOL. It sure is. To each her own, but remember now..the "Sugar Daddy" gets something in return as I am sure the nanny we are discussing is. She is giving her self-respect away each day she goes to work.
I would rather lick the curb and find my own way than rely on a "Sugar Daddy" to pay my bills. My self-respect will still be in tact and I won't be driven by greed as the OP is. Her post and subsequent justification in my book says she is a terrible nanny model. She puts her self=respect before the almighty $$ dollar and that is wrong. She gives all of us nannies a bad name. No wonder people view nannies as the bottom rung on the ladder. They always will if they think they can justify treating us like dirt by paying us well.
I'd quit, plain and simple. The least I've made was $20/hr for 1 infant and benefits. I simply refuse to put up with nonsense.
You are not alone. Sounds like my day.
good to hear from you curious dad - where have you been?
curious dad - your comments are always valued - where have you been?
Thanks for sharing OP.
I work for a wonderful family. It is a part time position but I have two other part time positions that don't conflict at all. She greatly respects my time. For example, before she leaves she will tell me what time she will be back and if she is not going to be back then, she calls me ahead of time. She always asks if the time is ok even though I am available until at least 2 pm. She pays me every day too!
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