I'm a nanny to a 14 year old girl who is constantly at war with her mother. I struggle with what to say when they drag me into the middle of their battles. Mom likes to throw me under the bus, often misquoting me, and then I'm left to suffer the wrath of the teen. I have to handle the situation with "kid gloves" because they are not your typical family next door. Any moms of teens out there with suggestions on redirecting the teen when she is spinning out of control? And how best to respond when being pulled into the tornado - like wars the two of them engage in? I don't want to continue to be sucked in!
13 comments:
Unless there are more siblings who are younger or the girl has behavioral/mental issues, why would a 14-year-old need a nanny in the first place? Just wondering.
I agree. A 14-yr old is too old to have a Nanny in my opinion.
Just sayin'.......
She's a celebrity child. And that's all I can say about it.
Well Madonna has a fourteen yr old daughter.
Wonder if...nah!!
To be honest, I don't have too much experience with teenagers, but when things are getting tense, I'd probably say something like, "Lets go take a 10 minute break and then come back to this." When you're alone with your charge, you could also try working with her on good communication- what is it that she wants mom to hear? How can she say it (or even write it) in a way that's most likely to have a positive outcome for her?
When they are in the midst of venting/arguing, it's really important that you try to stay neutral. If asked for your input, you can make supportive comments that don't take sides like, "I can see why you'd be upset, if you believe that ."
Good luck
* "if you believe that "
Sorry, kept messing up what I was trying to say. supposed to read- "I can see why you'd be upset if you believe that -whatever the problem is as that person sees it-" Hope that's more clear.
I've worked for "famous" families too. The only suggestion I have is that the moment the mom misquotes you, you CORRECT her. Especially in front of the daughter. Stand up for yourself and, just like with younger children, be consistant and calm and show that you have authority. Teenagers are tough. Even more so when the parents wont back you up. If you want to stay with this family then you have to be an example of how to handle confrontation appropriately. Talk to the mom away from the child and let her know that you are not comfortable with her parenting, that you've noticed her daughter isn't responding well to being yelled at.
Honestly though, you should find a new job! If you want to be a live-in for a 1 year old awesome little boy in San Diego, I may be looking soon! ;o)
(from a former nanny, now mom)
when are you looking for a nanny? Soon or in a year or so?
well 14 is when I went to hell. God I was MEAN. I was watching a home video of my 14th birthday one day. My mom came into my room with the video camera to wish me happy birthday and I straight up told her "get the fuck out of my room before i start getting rude. You don't want me to get rude because I will say something you won't like. You know I don't like being on video. What the fuck made you think I would like this!"
I was so ashamed. I didn't know that I was that mean as a teenager. But I got meaner and there is nothing you can do. It is just the dynamic of a teen growing up. My mom and I are best friends now but I was hell. I turned on my dad when I was 15. War at home was a nice term for it. I did whatever I wanted to do and I had the ability to melt skin off bones with my moods. Just apart of growing up.
I'm surprised my parents didn't kill me and now that I look back on it i realize why they never cared when I didn't come home at night. the only reason i becaome nice is because when i was 15 i met my husband. He was the antidote to my satanic ways. i was a nasty mean teenager.
It's just a phase. It will pass but just hold on for dear life
also the best thing to do.
don't say anything to her. If she is anything like I was. Don't make eye contact and walk away.
Literally leave the room and do not engage her when she is mad. When she calms down and blows off steam you can try to talk to her but don't do it while shes mad. It will make things worse. Don't take sides and if you even think about taking a side. You better take hers. It will be easier to manipulate the teen rather than fight with her. Do not shout at her or try to reason with her when she's angry. Just walk away until she calms down. And don't say anything to her. don't stand in the firing range
Hey Brittany, like in the next month or two. And all I seriously want is someone to love my son and play with him. :o)
I was a nanny for a 14 and 16 year old (sometimes they need more watching then younger ones!) and I think the big thing for me was to gain her trust (she was the 16 yr old) and build that relationship first so when these fights happen she knows that you are on her side even when you have to back up Mom, as you are there to carry out your MB wishes. It is tricky I know I do a lot of teen nannying but you can do it, just pick your battles! Hope that helps a little!
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